Episodes
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Ciao betch, Sami’s celebrating her birthday in Italy, but Aleen and Jordana are here to discuss all the pop culture tea of the week, starting with an immediate breaking news story while recording. They recap their earthquake and eclipse stories– Aleen has an emergency bunker. Jordana’s not invited, unless she promises not to tell anyone…. Betches Luv This Bunker– has a nice ring to it right? Then, onto an in depth debrief on the Curb finale and the Brandy Melville doc that has every millennial reeling right now. Noah Cyrus liked who’s thirst trap? That’s right, her sister Miley’s ex-husband Liam Hemsworth’s. WTF is going on with that family? Speaking of Miley, JoJo Siwa’s tryna enter her own Can’t Be Tamed era, and causing quite the stir. In happier news, another Bridget Jones movie is in the works. Larry David is our Betch Of The Week, his show’s had a good 25 year run. And Stefan, the founder of Brandy Melville will be sent to the Caymans. No further questions.
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The Betches are fresh off the heels of their speaking engagements at Harvard Business School, what like it’s hard?! They recap their trip and the drama that ensued afterwards. Then onto the biggest pop culture news of the week: Beyonce’s Cowboy Carter has arrived, and Jolene better sleep with one eye open. Taylor Swift has *officially* achieved billionaire status, and she Travis are going to Coachella together. Sorry, are they 26?! Lizzo’s quitting-- well not really. Listen and you’ll find out her reasoning. They wrap up with Aleen’s thoughts on Shogun, and Jordana finally watched Buying Beverly Hills! If you’re a reality TV lover, and if you’re still confused if canned tuna is chicken or fish tune into our website and socials on Monday April 8th to see what we’ve been cooking up.
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The Betches begin this week’s episode with their peaks and pits of their collective 35th birthday Mexico getaway-- including what they were up to when they found out about the shocking Kate Middleton news. We all owe her an apology... Then onto some other serious topics (not the lightest news day). They discuss Diddy’s FBI home invasion and their thoughts on the the chilling Quiet on Set Nickelodeon documentary. In happier news, Ariana Maddix is finally moving out of her house with Tom Sandoval! Will she back at VPR or is it time for her to move on? And finally, Beyonce’s album drops tonight, we’ve never been so excited to listen to country music.
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The trio is back in action. According to Aleen, the joke’s on us because the Caymans are lovely. We’re recording a day early, because the Betches are going on their collective bday trip tomorrow to Mexico, so first they dive in to KateGate. Of course we’re talking about the TMZ video. Is it a body double? Why are the Royals carrying plastic bags? Is Rose Hanbury the posh Raquel Leviss? Then onto America’s knockoff royal family- the Kardashians, or at least their exes... Caitlyn Jenner and Lamar Odom are launching a podcast together and their logo is giving clip art. What does Khloe think about all this? We won’t be listening. Onto another clickbait headline, Travis Kelce’s new hosting gig-- Listen and you’ll understand the irony.
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Happy Bday Aleen! An important day for Pisces everywhere. While Aleen’s in the Caymans, Sami recaps her trip to the White House and Jordana gives a sneak peak into her U Up interview with her dream guest Esther Perel. They recap the (boring) Oscars, where the most exciting headline seems to be Vanessa Hudgens’ pregnancy. Kim K also continues to attempt to hard launch Odell at every major event, including the Vanity Fair Oscars After Party, and no one cares. Speaking of couples, are Taylor and Travis on the rocks? Sami thinks so, while Jordana thinks Tay should consider circling back to one of her exes. Then onto more piping hot English breakfast tea – Kate Middleton’s photoshop fail, and Prince William’s alleged affair. We’ll see how things look after Easter… Also, this just in, Meghan Markle has a new lifestyle brand that just launched mid-recording… American Riviera Orchard. They wrap up with a VPR recap and the Mauricio/ Hilton drama. Olivia Rodrigo is our Betch of the Week for handing out Plan B and condoms to fans on the GUTS tour. Kensington Palace’s PR team will be sent to the Caymans. No further questions.
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Sup, betch. Sami is podcasting from DC today, before heading off to the White House! We fear she’s become a Gen Z TikToker, because she’s doing a GRWM while recording. A multi tasking queen. The three dive in on one of Sami’s fave topics: the Royals and Kate Middleton’s suss spotting. Can we all give the girl a break?? Next, some Bravo updates: splits, pregnancies, and a new couple feat. an Olsen twin’s ex. Listen and you’ll find out who. Then, the Cyrus family’s love triangle drama is giving the plot of Something’s Gotta Give. Sami and Aleen wrap up with their hot takes on Kate Winslet’s new show, The Regime. Tish and Dominic will be sent to the Caymans. Your job as a parent is not to date your daughter’s ex… duh. Parenting 101.
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All 3 betches are back in studio IRL, and joined by a very special guest… Sami’s new puppy! It’s toasty AF in here, so the gals are schvitzing and stressin’. Speaking of stress, the 3 kick off today’s episode with the name on everyone’s lips: Kate Middleton — WTF is going on and what won’t William tell us?! We’re waiting for her TikTok debut, preferably to Beyonce’s Texas hold ’em. Now onto another man stirring up some drama, Travis Kelce… and his Vegas partying after only visiting Taylor down under for 2 days. He’s a very “committed boyfriend.” Jordana and Sami give their Love is Blind debrief — does Chelsea really look like Megan Fox?! Sami thinks a different celeberity… listen and you’ll find out. They wrap up with Sami’s detailed retelling of Reesa Teesa’s TF Did I Marry? Yup, the story told in 52 parts on TikTok. See? We can be our own documentarians. Our Betch of the Week is Ruth Gottesman, for her $1 billion donation to the Albert Einstein College of Medicine, which will cover for free tuition in perpetuity for all medical students.
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Sami got a dog! Well, she exchanged dogs with her mom. Long story, you gotta listen. It’s been a slow week for celebrities, so we’re kickin’ it old school and talking about the most brow raising articles from The Cut and The NY Times, which include a scary scammer piece and VPR’s Assistant’s exposé…Ann has a bright future ahead of her. Jordana thinks she can scam Sami…now that would be a fun game to play. They wrap with Aleen’s hot takes on JLO’s awful movie. No srsly, we still have PTSD, it’s that bad. Our Betch of the Week is Beyoncé because she’s making history yet again! We’re sending Aleen to the Cayman’s, because she’s literally going next week! We’re trying to convince her to sell a timeshare while she’s there…No promises.
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The company is officially a grown woman… happy Betch Mitzvah to you all on our 13th birthday. Sami, Aleen, and Jordana share some of their fave memories from the early days and tell an embarrassing Facebook story. They debrief a busy Super Bowl Sunday and there’s a lot to unpack: Travis let his bro-flag fly, Ben & JLo stole the show with their Dunkin commercial, and Taylor looked great every time she was on screen. They also tell us what they thought of Usher’s halftime performance (hint: the caressing of Alicia Keys got a little too personal). The Met Gala officially has a theme and it’s a good one. Ariana Grande is teaming up with Mariah Carey and people couldn’t be happier – if only we could get her song out of our head. Finally, Nicola Peltz Bekham and Meghan Markle made headlines this week. Travis will go to the Caymans this week, because he needs to work on his public speaking.
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It’s been a long time comin’, but Sami and Holly are back for another episode of Speak Now (Betches Version). There’s A LOT going on at the moment, because Tay just made history at the Grammys, exhibited some very unhinged behavior, AND she simultaneously dropped a major announcement: a brand new album that’s been “2 years in the making”. Yes, we have some reason to believe that the title is a dig at you-joe-who. Fresh off the Grammys (fresh out the slammer), the Eras tour has resumed in Tokyo, and the Super Bowl just days away. Will Trav make a grand gesture if the Chiefs win? Listen and found out, Dear Listener. Speak now or forever hold your peace in the comments if you liked this and want more.
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All three betches are back recording together this week and begin by discussing Drake’s NSFW video… IYKYK. Did he release this video himself or was it really leaked? They debrief a packed Grammys show that featured a few awkward Taylor Swift moments on stage, and an amazing performance of Fast Car by Tracy Chapman – Jordana’s her new biggest fan… even though she only likes the one song. Also Jay-Z made things uncomfortable for everyone and we have thoughts. The Super Bowl is happening this Sunday, so Aleen tells us why she thinks the game was predetermined – Sami’s not so sure, but Jordana only cares about her betting pool anyway. There’s more to say about Taylor’s big announcement, but you’ll have to wait until tomorrow’s episode of Speak Now Betches Version. In the meantime, Tracy gets her moment to shine as our Betch of the Week, and Phoebe Bridgers gets the honor of sending some guy named Neil to the Caymans. Good luck selling those timeshares while you “rot in piss” (Phoebe’s words, not ours).
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It’s February - the worst month ever! But that also means that Betches’s birthday is in 2 weeks...and it's our Betch Mitzvah! Won't you please come up and light candle number 13? Sami is preparing a montage, and maybe we’ll include Levels by Avicii in it, if we can get the music rights (shout out to the TikTok vs. UMG feud). While Sami is sound mixing, Jordana is busy selling her wares on Facebook Marketplace (her Betch of the Week and part of our new sustainability initiative). Then they move onto this week's headlines: Justin Timberlake is in his flop era, Sami and Jordana re-forecast their Taylor & Travis relationship timeline to account for the Chiefs making it to Super Bowl. We’re so proud, but also just about ready for them to put their public honeymooning on pause. There's also Sophie Turner and her semi-hard launch with British aristocrat boyfriend Peregrine Pearson, and Tom Sandoval is on the press circuit. This week, Justin Timberlake will be sent to the Caymans. He needs to experience some rejection.
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Sami and Aleen are back in the Betches HQ studio and they’ve got a bone to pick with the Oscar noms that were just released. Everyone is buzzing about Greta Gerwig and Margot Robbie snubs, and we’re all ready to move past darkly-lit “complex man does terrible thing” movies. Onto things we love – Selena Gomez opened up about body image in a series of IG posts with an inspiring update on a throwback bikini moment. Aleen also shares a positive paparazzi (pos-arazzi?) red carpet encounter between some of our favorite celebs. They introduce a new segment called “some things people are talking about that we don’t really care about but we’ll mention anyway” – and the list goes on: Jason Kelce’s bare chest, Kardashian sponsorships, Jacob Elordi’s relationship status, and Tristan Thompson’s doping scandal. They wrap with some TV recs, Timothée’s resurfaced rap footage, a classic Anne Hathaway moment, and the Betch of the Week.
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Jordana, Sami, and Aleen begin today with a heated discussion that brings them back to their sorority rush days *shudders* Shoutout to AEPHI! Sami begins the pop culture topics by introducing a new segment: Betch of the Week. We chose 2 because they’re just too good. Then onto an Emmys red carpet roast recapping all their fave and worst looks – it’s giving Jovani. Switching gears to the music industry, Ariana Grande returned to music and dropped a new song for the first time in 3 years… Is it a bop or a flop? We’re divided. In other news across the pond, Kate Middleton was admitted to the hospital due to abdominal surgery. Spoiler alert, she’s doing fine. They wrap up with a preview of today’s live RHOSLC table read, and Mauricio will be sent to the Caymans this week because god knows how many times he’s cheated.
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Aleen, Sami, and Jordana kick off today’s episode debriefing their first outing of 2024 – their Taylor Swift cover band concert. Then they dive in with a recap of the 2024 Golden Globes, including Jo Koy’s lack of originality. Of course we have to talk about the gossip sesh seen round the world: Selena, Taylor, and Keleigh Teller’s caught on camera convo. Honestly, we’d do the exact same thing. Listen to find out who we’re *pretty sure* they’re talking about. Has a new couple emerged from the Golden Globes… aka Meryl Streep and Martin Short? Post-Golden Globes the trio wrap up with the latest on the White Lotus season 3 announcements and who was just cast. No Caymans this week, we’ll give you your couple minutes back.
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Happy New Year betch! 2024 is off to a great start, because we’re back to our original recipe. Welcome back Aleen! The three have a perfectly unhinged catch up and then dive into the latest news in pop culture, starting with Queen Camilla’s new podcast- trust us, she’ll be doing ads for MeUndies in no time. Gypsy Rose Blanchard was released from prison and is now sharing a little too much on the internet with her newfound fame. Bachelor Nation faced yet another divorce 30 seconds into the new year: Rachel Lindsay and Bryan Abasolo are splitting and he’s the one requesting spousal support. The boys are fighting: Jimmy Kimmel and Aaron Rodgers that is. Listen and you’ll find out what set Jimmy off. Kim K had some very controversial Christmas decorations. Does Kim need a boyfriend? She seems bored. They wrap up with their hot takes on the movie on everyone’s lips: Saltburn… bathwater and all.
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The Betches have blessed us with a round up of the hottest pop culture moments and dumpster fires of 2023. From the best moments in TV to the most fever dream of celeb couples, Jordana and Sami cover it all, including some of their pop culture predictions for 2024. Plus all about their NYE plans– you can alway rely on Jordana to bring the board games. Summing up this year, Kanye and Elon will be sent to the Caymans. We’ll send them into space together– Economy only. And lastly, a special thank you to our faithful listeners for your grace as we get facts wrong.
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Ho ho ho, betch. Sami and Jordana are recording this episode a little early for you because by this time, Sami will be jet setting to Japan- a #1 bucket list destination for her. Jordana, not so much.. But rest assured, Sami will bring back some Ramen for her. Look out for her Betches travel guide. Another couple bites the dust, this time it’s Kendall Jenner and Bad Bunny (no shock there). From one break up to a surprise engagement (#2) for Demi Lovato and her huge ring that’s worth all the hype. And a PDA filled hard launch from Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco. Is Taylor inspiring her celeb besties to not hint at sh*t anymore? Millennials rejoice, an American Girl movie is in the works and we’ll be first in line. Sami’s Samantha doll story will melt your heart. Updates from this week’s Chiefs game changed Jordana’s relationship timeline for Taylor and Travis, and Sami too! It all depends on the Superbowl. Travis will shockingly be sent to the Caymans, because he’s being such a dude bro. Listen and you’ll find out why.
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Happy Hanukkah, betches. Sami kicks off today’s episode sharing her Hanukkah celebrations from the VP and First Gentleman’s big bash at the *other* White House. While on the topic of celebrating, they wish Taylor Swift a happy 34th birthday — even if Travis was too busy to celebrate with her — which leads to more speculation about their relationship timeline. Speaking of couples, Kylie and Kris Jenner were spotted sneaking out of Timmy’s LA premiere for his movie Wonka– will Timothée become Stormi and Aire’s stepdaddy? The congrats continue with a shoutout to Hilary Duff who is now going to be a mom of 4(!!) and a reaction to the royal Christmas card, which has caused quite the stir online with a major photoshop fail of Prince Louis. And while we’re on the subject, when will the Sussexes drop their card? Sami and Jordana wrap up with a quick debrief on Julia Roberts new movie, Leave The World Behind, the shocking Vanderpump Rules season trailer, and Paris in Love. The photoshop editor for William and Kate’s holiday card will be sent to the Caymans, no royal treatment included.
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Sami and Jordana are having a Friendsgiving get together tonight – yes, a couple weeks too late, but hey they’re working gals. There’s lots to discuss today including our inaugural Betch of the Year finalists and a ton of categories to debate. Then onto Oxford’s Word of the Year (spoiler, it’s Rizz), and, if you’re sensing a theme here, TIME’s Person of the Year… Swifties IYKYK. Lots of clowny headlines today including a Trump TV series starring Sebastian Stan, Kim K’s new Hulu show, Ariana Madix heading to Broadway, and what is up Hugh Grant’s a**?! The two wrap up with their review of the movie May December. No question, Hugh Grant will be sent to the Caymans this week. We wanna hear him complain, what exactly would be his dream job?
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