Help Me Be Me

Help Me Be Me


Help Me Be Me is an emotional toolkit for creating positive change in yourself. I like to think of it as self-help for people who hate self-help. I'm Sarah May, a blogger/podcaster and all-around happy person and these are the tools that work for me in my life. I think they'll work for you, too. For the blog versions of these episodes and to read more of my writing, check out Music theme created by Booker Hill Music: Previous intro by


Ep 97: Improv Therapy- Being Awesomely Yourself w/ Billy Merritt of Upright Citizens Brigade Theater  

Today I have to honor of speaking with Billy Merritt, actor, writer, improviser– and one of the founding fathers of The Swarm at The Upright Citizens Brigade, an improv comedy theater and school, well known in LA and NY. Today we are going to talk about lots of things – but in particular, how the tools of improv can help you be more present and comfortable in your own skin on and off the stage. For more about Billy, check out The Smokes - Monday at UCB Franklin in Los Angeles or The Swarm, the first Saturday of every month at UCB Sunset, or find him on Twitter @BillyMerritt Heads up! We got cut off during our first recording session so you'll hear the sound change as we pick back up about half way through. Sorry if we repeat a few things - but I think you'll enjoy nonetheless! To work with me or to find more of my writing and podcasts, check out

Audience QnA: What To Do if You’re Stuck and Passionless, Stuck and Hopeless, Stuck and Friendless  

Hi friends, in this episode I answer 3 questions: what to do if you’re stuck and you can’t figure out what you’re passionate about. What to do when you are stuck in a pit of hopelessness and despair and you feel ashamed and can’t seem to get a break. What to do if you are stuck, depressed and you really don’t have any good friendships. I hope this gives you some relief! I know a lot of these issues are really big, chronic ones and the solutions will not be quick and easy – but if this was your question, I want to say whatever you do – don’t stop trying. I believe eventually you fill find your cocktail solution. It just takes persistence and a teaspoon of luck, which can be arrived at via trial and error. Xo Sarah May B. For more of my writing, my one-on-one plans, my books and other resources check out

The Self-Work Vortex: Why Am I Still Unhappy?  

It’s hard to be yourself – it takes work. There’s a lot of emotional and thought clutter that gets in the way – especially when you are so wholeheartedly pursuing your best self! This is for anyone who’s been working on themselves and feeling like they’re not happy, not where they want to be, and stuck. Simple shifts in perspective and brain vs body balance can be the difference between lightness and darkness: like changing the channel in your brain when viewing your life. For more of my podcasts and blogs check out xo!

Audience Q&A’s: Obsessed About Ex Moving On Soul-Mates + When to Start Dating Again  

In this episode I answer 3 audience questions: What do you do if you can’t stop focusing on your ex and whether or not they’re with someone new? Do we have multiple soul-mates and how do I know if I should fight for my ex? When can I start dating again if I went through a breakup 4 months ago? Got a question? LMK! If you are interested in learning more about mindfulness based therapies check out this book: And if you want more research about how to be happier, check out this book: And here’s a link to some helpful ways to stop obsessive thoughts: And for more of my work including the blog version of my podcast, check out

Ep 96: Sibling Rivalry – Why We Can’t Stop Fighting, Blaming & Resenting  

This is for anyone who has a super tumultuous relationship with a sibling, one that that defies all logic. It’s to give you context for a lot of common sibling issues and also some tools for clarity and staying firmly balanced on the ground. Just a heads up, I am talking mostly about adult sibling rivalry – though you might gain something from this if you’re listening because of your kids. I will touch on how these conflicts are formed early on in life. For more of my writing head to and for my references for this episode check out:

Brain Clutter: Creating Mental and Spiritual Space for Yourself  

A practice of getting closer to your original self. Analysis, ambivalence, endless "stuff." Checking, pursuing, not knowing if any of it is right. When will I finally be happy? When I finish this thing? But then there’s that other thing I have to do. Hi friends! This power-up is a set of tools all about trimming out the mental work we create for ourselves and getting closer to your playful, original self. That mental work that seems to go in circles. In favor of something deeper and possibly more rewarding. For more personal play and exploration - here are a few books I enjoyed. xo Jung on dream analysis Dalai Lama and Desmond Tutu Bodhisattva mind

Ep 95: Forgiveness: How to let go of hurt and anger, and why to do it at all  

Forgiveness is a monumental practice because it really guides a lot of what you believe in your life -about the world, love, relationships and also yourself. I’ve said this before but truly the reason to forgive is for you: because it’s kind of like being stabbed and then keeping that knife in your body. Forgiveness is something only you can decide you are ready to do, but it’s also something only appropriate in certain situations. It comes from a pure and genuine goal created for the right reasons, with all the practical information at hand. For example, you might want to forgive your ex for breaking your heart, but you can’t force that until you are ready to accept and move on. Another example of a situation that might be best left for processing but not forgiveness – is chronic abuse. This is a situation when we are likely to blame ourselves – so it’s really vital to lean into anger and claim that blame. When it comes to other deep wounds, when we prematurely choose to forgive it’s often because some part of us wants to skip over the pain of confrontation – looking at how bad we really hurt. When we want to forgive because the emotions associated with a certain event bring us BELOW the level of who we know we are, that is a mature and profound decision – one made from your highest self. This is something we all get to choose: basically, to align ourselves with who we know we are. What I want to do with this episode is really pose that invitation in a way that might get you closer to the reality of processing or forgiving – or knowing where you need to place a hurt from your past. References: Triumph of Heart The science of forgiveness Haven’t read this myself but this is by the guy who heads up the Stanford Forgiveness Project which does a lot of good research.

Ep 94: Diagnosis Part 2: When Meds are Essential and a Good Thing w/ Dr. Jacob Moussai MD  

Hi friends! This is an interview with Dr. Jacob Moussai, MD – about the pros of medication and when it is absolutely necessary. This is a follow-up to an episode I did about the pros and cons of receiving a diagnosis. In that episode I was discussing how meds are over-prescribed in the US and it has become in many ways a go-to for a lot of people instead of therapy. However, there are certain situations where meds are life-saving and the ONLY solution, so I wanted to discuss when that is and what those situations look like. Hope you enjoy! xo Sarah May B. For more about Dr. Moussai, check out

Ep 93: Relationship Fight Loops and Distance: Why We Lose Access to Intimacy  

Contrary to popular belief, fights are not better talked out to the bitter end and happiness and intimacy are not the result of more loving couples. It really comes down to how you manage these perpetual fights. I want to give you the main reasons people end separating or remain happy and together - based a couple different disciplines of research. Because a lot of what is the most damaging, isn’t obvious or calculated by a person. It’s totally accidental. When we have the same arguments and we start to get distant, it’s often because we don’t want to fight and we have a sense of dread around a repeated loop, so the distance is like a no-war zone between two foreign cultures. And the SHITTY news is when you get distant, your relationship is actually in the most trouble – because both parties are no longer demonstrating an investment in the bond. This is when you stop identifying as a couple and you start thinking in terms of me, the individual. And with that solo identity you start to focus on goals as an individual and not as a couple. Your focus redefines your past together as crappy – you see things from a personal interest standpoint. So if you guys are feeling distant and resentful, this is an episode for you! Caveat: I want to stress that this is NOT for people with abusive partners. Domestic violence is not something that I recommend using these tools for – if you’re in an abusive relationship, my heart goes out to you. If you like this episode, check the Gottman Institute for more! A lot of this is from his work. For more of my writing and the blog version of this post, check out (the blogs will be posted a bit later than the podcasts). Book references: Couples counselor questionnaire: How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It John Gottman’s most popular book: The Gottman Institute – all their good, short articles. A book by the creator of Imago: What to look for in a couples counselor:

Preventative PMS: How to protect those you love and balance your bod  

This is for those who suffer gnar PMS. I know girls who don’t go out when they’re PMS-ing because of how dangerous it is for others. It can be confusing and rob you of yourself! I hope to give you some background info about how to prep for PMS– basically all the info I could find on the internet. If you’re a severe sufferer you likely know all this stuff, but hopefully something good or at least guilt-relieving will come out of this. Disclaimer: This is my personal opinion on some preventative PMS - for the love of GOD, consult your doctor before taking any supplements. I'm not a nutritionist and I don't have any training in this area - of any kind. If anything, use this as a starting point for your own personal research. Check out these references for more complete info:

Audience Q&A's: Obsessed Exs, Depressed Partners and Getting Ghosted  

Hi friends, this is a quickie Q&A episode answering three questions: What do you do when an ex keeps trying to come back into your life?! How do you deal with a depressed partner/friend who pushes you away? How to deal with being ghosted and positive ways to overcome it? If you're looking for more please reach out! xo Sarah May B. Here’s the Reco’d Reading I mentioned: The Gift of Fear: The Depression Cure: Codependent No More: Courage to Change:

Ep 92: Confidence in Love - A Core Workout  

Let’s say you’re not confident, which leads your to focus on others and accommodate their needs solely. Or you have been tipped off balance because there’s someone in your life that you want so bad and you feel like you can’t keep them so you’re doing whatever you can think of to keep them – but that’s creating a cycle where they pull away more. This is for you. It’s a recommended “core workout” in that it’s for regaining your inner strength. It starts with strengthening that relationship with yourself and a bond with yourself. Another term for it would be self-love. Heads up - this is an episode I recorded without a script so if something doesn't make sense, leave me a comment and I'd be happy to answer. If you liked this, please leave me a review on iTunes! For more of my work check out xo

Ep 91: Rules of Courtship, Dating & Sealing the Deal w/ Alicia Marder  

This is an interview with my bestie and go-to love guru, Alicia Marder. We'll discuss dating and courtship and how to demonstrate your value and "seal the deal" down the line. Heads up! This is most applicable for straight ladies but hopefully helpful to all! Just trade out the pronouns where necessary. I hope you enjoy! For more about Alicia, check out and for more from me check out - and if you like this episode, let us know if you want to ask any questions! We might do a follow-up. xo

Ep 90: Getting a Diagnosis: What You Should Consider w/ Dr. Sharon Flynn PhD  

I interview Dr. Sharon Flynn, PhD about receiving a diagnosis in therapy: the pros and cons, how it should be done, and what can do to protect yourself. We also discuss meds and when it's necessary to go on them vs. the last option you should seek. In my opinion, before you accept a diagnosis as your life sentence, get a second, third and fourth opinion. Just like all humans, professionals are not perfect: everyone sees a different person (and problem) based on their expectations and training. For more, check out or visit Sharon at xo Sarah May B.

Ep 89: How to Deal with Emotional Dysregulation with Dr. Sharon Flynn  

I interview Dr. Sharon Flynn PhD on what dysregulation is, what it’s from and some ways you can treat it. When emotions overtake you and make you unable to act in ways to help yourself, this is called dysregulation. It’s something that happens to a lot of people sometimes from trauma or ptsd, sometimes from the way you’re wired. For more you can check out or xo Sarah May B

How to deal with rejection  

If you got dumped or you didn’t get your dream job, here are some tools and insights to get you back on the wagon of awesomeness. Getting rejected is a confidence assault on so many levels because it reduces you to below the level you were before you mustered the courage to try. Especially if you don’t see it coming, it can make you feel like you can’t trust your gut and therefore, you should never try again. Well I assume you’re waiting for the typical catch-phrases like, “You can’t win if you don’t try.” But that would make me annoyed if I just got rejected so I’ll skip that part. Here are some tips to give you some grounding if this just happened to you. Looking for more? Head to xox My theme song was created by

Ep 88: What to do when you can’t speak your truth  

This is an episode that I’ve been wanting to write for a while – because it’s something that reminds me of a very confusing and difficult time for me. When I couldn’t find my voice, or access it. It’s a thing that happens to a lot of people – you can feel the thing you have to say and it’s just stuck inside your body. You can almost hear yourself screaming it, desperately trying to get it out. But your physical body doesn’t move. It’s like witnessing a silent victim trapped behind double mirrors in prison – why can’t they see me? Why can’t they hear me? Wherever this is coming from – for you, I think I can help give you a bit of a leg up. Because I know how this feels – it’s traumatizing. The worst. Because it’s like you are doing it to yourself, and you are somehow the cause of your own horror – because of the fact that you can’t even stand up for yourself. It sets up a really heavy, powerful loop that compounds a new truth: I am hopeless. I am a liar. I am invisible. I am a coward. No one can see me suffering. No on can help me, including me. Wow – that got kinda dark, huh? Well it’s kinda that feeling – a deep, dark where no light reaches. Let’s get to some proactive information shall we? There are 3 parts, the what why and how – the tools.

Holiday Reflection Exercise: glance back on your year  

This is something to do with a warm blanket and your journal, kinda like a date with yourself. Have your journal handy if you can – and your iphone calendar or a regular calendar, and take a listen. Feel free to pause as you go. This is what I’ll be doing as I go through my year. Happy holidays lovely friends! Celebrate as much as you can. xo Sarah May B.

Audience Q+A's: Guilt, ish w/ family, unfollowing ex's, dating anxiety & universal stuckness  

Hi peeps! In this “experiment” I answer several questions you’ve asked – quick-fire style! Like it? Let me know! What to do when the universe is shitting on you, How to deal if you don’t get along with your parents. Dating: What to do when you can’t help but feel needy or anxious. What to do if you have the same problem in relationships: why it happens, why you should take notice. How to deal with social media when you’ve been through a breakup, and How to forgive yourself when you fuck up a relationship or you feel like you made a bad decision in a relationship.

Ep 87: What to do When You Have Feelings You Don't Want to Feel  

It can be something that sets up a chain reaction: first the feelings of hate or desire or insecurity, then the shame, then the guilt. Then the loop that exacerbates it. I am writing this for all different kinds of situations, so hopefully if you’re suffering you can get a bit of relief – for yourself, and those you love. With that there are three parts – the what, why and how! Let’s do dis! For more of my work head to and to donate visit me on

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