Help Me Be Me

Help Me Be Me


Help Me Be Me is an emotional toolkit for creating positive change in yourself. I like to think of it as self-help for people who hate self-help. I'm Sarah May, a blogger/podcaster and all-around happy person and these are the tools that work for me in my life. I think they'll work for you, too. For the blog versions of these episodes and to read more of my writing, check out Music theme created by Booker Hill Music: Previous intro by


Ep 93: Relationship Fight Loops and Distance: Why We Lose Access to Intimacy  

Contrary to popular belief, fights are not better talked out to the bitter end and happiness and intimacy are not the result of more loving couples. It really comes down to how you manage these perpetual fights. I want to give you the main reasons people end separating or remain happy and together - based a couple different disciplines of research. Because a lot of what is the most damaging, isn’t obvious or calculated by a person. It’s totally accidental. When we have the same arguments and we start to get distant, it’s often because we don’t want to fight and we have a sense of dread around a repeated loop, so the distance is like a no-war zone between two foreign cultures. And the SHITTY news is when you get distant, your relationship is actually in the most trouble – because both parties are no longer demonstrating an investment in the bond. This is when you stop identifying as a couple and you start thinking in terms of me, the individual. And with that solo identity you start to focus on goals as an individual and not as a couple. Your focus redefines your past together as crappy – you see things from a personal interest standpoint. So if you guys are feeling distant and resentful, this is an episode for you! Caveat: I want to stress that this is NOT for people with abusive partners. Domestic violence is not something that I recommend using these tools for – if you’re in an abusive relationship, my heart goes out to you. If you like this episode, check the Gottman Institute for more! A lot of this is from his work. For more of my writing and the blog version of this post, check out (the blogs will be posted a bit later than the podcasts). Book references: Couples counselor questionnaire: How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It John Gottman’s most popular book: The Gottman Institute – all their good, short articles. A book by the creator of Imago: What to look for in a couples counselor:

Preventative PMS: How to protect those you love and balance your bod  

This is for those who suffer gnar PMS. I know girls who don’t go out when they’re PMS-ing because of how dangerous it is for others. It can be confusing and rob you of yourself! I hope to give you some background info about how to prep for PMS– basically all the info I could find on the internet. If you’re a severe sufferer you likely know all this stuff, but hopefully something good or at least guilt-relieving will come out of this. Disclaimer: This is my personal opinion on some preventative PMS - for the love of GOD, consult your doctor before taking any supplements. I'm not a nutritionist and I don't have any training in this area - of any kind. If anything, use this as a starting point for your own personal research. Check out these references for more complete info:

Audience Q&A's: Obsessed Exs, Depressed Partners and Getting Ghosted  

Hi friends, this is a quickie Q&A episode answering three questions: What do you do when an ex keeps trying to come back into your life?! How do you deal with a depressed partner/friend who pushes you away? How to deal with being ghosted and positive ways to overcome it? If you're looking for more please reach out! xo Sarah May B. Here’s the Reco’d Reading I mentioned: The Gift of Fear: The Depression Cure: Codependent No More: Courage to Change:

Ep 92: Confidence in Love - A Core Workout  

Let’s say you’re not confident, which leads your to focus on others and accommodate their needs solely. Or you have been tipped off balance because there’s someone in your life that you want so bad and you feel like you can’t keep them so you’re doing whatever you can think of to keep them – but that’s creating a cycle where they pull away more. This is for you. It’s a recommended “core workout” in that it’s for regaining your inner strength. It starts with strengthening that relationship with yourself and a bond with yourself. Another term for it would be self-love. Heads up - this is an episode I recorded without a script so if something doesn't make sense, leave me a comment and I'd be happy to answer. If you liked this, please leave me a review on iTunes! For more of my work check out xo

Ep 91: Rules of Courtship, Dating & Sealing the Deal w/ Alicia Marder  

This is an interview with my bestie and go-to love guru, Alicia Marder. We'll discuss dating and courtship and how to demonstrate your value and "seal the deal" down the line. Heads up! This is most applicable for straight ladies but hopefully helpful to all! Just trade out the pronouns where necessary. I hope you enjoy! For more about Alicia, check out and for more from me check out - and if you like this episode, let us know if you want to ask any questions! We might do a follow-up. xo

Ep 90: Getting a Diagnosis: What You Should Consider w/ Dr. Sharon Flynn PhD  

I interview Dr. Sharon Flynn, PhD about receiving a diagnosis in therapy: the pros and cons, how it should be done, and what can do to protect yourself. We also discuss meds and when it's necessary to go on them vs. the last option you should seek. In my opinion, before you accept a diagnosis as your life sentence, get a second, third and fourth opinion. Just like all humans, professionals are not perfect: everyone sees a different person (and problem) based on their expectations and training. For more, check out or visit Sharon at xo Sarah May B.

Ep 89: How to Deal with Emotional Dysregulation with Dr. Sharon Flynn  

I interview Dr. Sharon Flynn PhD on what dysregulation is, what it’s from and some ways you can treat it. When emotions overtake you and make you unable to act in ways to help yourself, this is called dysregulation. It’s something that happens to a lot of people sometimes from trauma or ptsd, sometimes from the way you’re wired. For more you can check out or xo Sarah May B

How to deal with rejection  

If you got dumped or you didn’t get your dream job, here are some tools and insights to get you back on the wagon of awesomeness. Getting rejected is a confidence assault on so many levels because it reduces you to below the level you were before you mustered the courage to try. Especially if you don’t see it coming, it can make you feel like you can’t trust your gut and therefore, you should never try again. Well I assume you’re waiting for the typical catch-phrases like, “You can’t win if you don’t try.” But that would make me annoyed if I just got rejected so I’ll skip that part. Here are some tips to give you some grounding if this just happened to you. Looking for more? Head to xox My theme song was created by

Ep 88: What to do when you can’t speak your truth  

This is an episode that I’ve been wanting to write for a while – because it’s something that reminds me of a very confusing and difficult time for me. When I couldn’t find my voice, or access it. It’s a thing that happens to a lot of people – you can feel the thing you have to say and it’s just stuck inside your body. You can almost hear yourself screaming it, desperately trying to get it out. But your physical body doesn’t move. It’s like witnessing a silent victim trapped behind double mirrors in prison – why can’t they see me? Why can’t they hear me? Wherever this is coming from – for you, I think I can help give you a bit of a leg up. Because I know how this feels – it’s traumatizing. The worst. Because it’s like you are doing it to yourself, and you are somehow the cause of your own horror – because of the fact that you can’t even stand up for yourself. It sets up a really heavy, powerful loop that compounds a new truth: I am hopeless. I am a liar. I am invisible. I am a coward. No one can see me suffering. No on can help me, including me. Wow – that got kinda dark, huh? Well it’s kinda that feeling – a deep, dark where no light reaches. Let’s get to some proactive information shall we? There are 3 parts, the what why and how – the tools.

Holiday Reflection Exercise: glance back on your year  

This is something to do with a warm blanket and your journal, kinda like a date with yourself. Have your journal handy if you can – and your iphone calendar or a regular calendar, and take a listen. Feel free to pause as you go. This is what I’ll be doing as I go through my year. Happy holidays lovely friends! Celebrate as much as you can. xo Sarah May B.

Audience Q+A's: Guilt, ish w/ family, unfollowing ex's, dating anxiety & universal stuckness  

Hi peeps! In this “experiment” I answer several questions you’ve asked – quick-fire style! Like it? Let me know! What to do when the universe is shitting on you, How to deal if you don’t get along with your parents. Dating: What to do when you can’t help but feel needy or anxious. What to do if you have the same problem in relationships: why it happens, why you should take notice. How to deal with social media when you’ve been through a breakup, and How to forgive yourself when you fuck up a relationship or you feel like you made a bad decision in a relationship.

Ep 87: What to do When You Have Feelings You Don't Want to Feel  

It can be something that sets up a chain reaction: first the feelings of hate or desire or insecurity, then the shame, then the guilt. Then the loop that exacerbates it. I am writing this for all different kinds of situations, so hopefully if you’re suffering you can get a bit of relief – for yourself, and those you love. With that there are three parts – the what, why and how! Let’s do dis! For more of my work head to and to donate visit me on

Hate relief: How to stop hating and how to heal from a hate crime  

For those who have been assaulted in some way by hatred – perhaps from a person you though you were close to. Maybe a peer or a stranger on the street. Or something you heard via the news that really shocked and upset you. Or maybe you’ve been experiencing hate yourself, and you are trying to help yourself out of that. Check out for a list of rights-support organizations – it's an ever-growing on Google docs. I also have a link to help organizations for assault. Hang in there, friends. xox Sarah May B.

Ep 86: Love Anxiety - How to Deal with Fear Forecasting in New Relationships  

This one’s all about the anxiety and stress that you might feel as soon as you end up in a good relationship. The clinginess might be painful, almost excruciating, and the anxiety of not knowing the future and if it's gonna last – might not only take you OUT of the joy state, but ruin your ability to be yourself during the courtship phase. So if this sounds like you, know that there’s nothing wrong with you, I was just like you, and you are among many. This is not forever – so take heart. As usual there are there parts: the what, why and how – the tools! For more of my writing or to make a donation, head to

Gratitude Joy-State Powerup  

Get into the positive, grateful state where you are the most rational. This is to get you smiling and blow your mind a little bit. Share it with someone you love! Enjoy and check out for more smiles xox Sarah May B. mwa mwa mwa

Ep 85: Self-Induced Purgatory - How to Stop Bad Relationship Loops  

When we promise ourselves that we’re never ever going to do the thing we hate, again. Maybe that's the thing your parents did, or the thing we already did that burned us – yet we end up right back in that exact same relationship. Or we might promise ourselves that “this is the last time I take this person back! I KNOW what I want for myself and this is not it!” It’s like being a wind-up toy in that suddenly you find yourself resetting the same loop once again, feeling powerless to stop it when its happening to you. You might say things like, “I have no idea how I ended up in this situation!!” Or, “How could I possibly have made excuses for this person and ignored the signs?” Or even, “Why am I still taking this crap? Why do I allow myself to take this person back again and again? I am MISERABLE. I know I am miserable, and yet I can’t seem to stop.” Maybe when you’re IN a relationship it just feels like love. It’s wonderful and hopeful and passionate and fun. You feel great being appreciated by this other person – they adore you and show you their best, and you feel like you’re finally able to use all your gifts. If you're looking for more of my writing head to and if you're looking for immediate help, I recommend this guy's list: xox Sarah May B.

Ep 84: Therapy 101 - What Kind of Help to Get, Why + How  

An interview with Dr. Sharon Flynn, PhD all about therapy and how it works. How long does therapy take? How do I find a therapist? What's the difference between all the different doctors? How much does it cost? We will discuss various techniques, plus why someone might want to go to therapy in the first place. Hopefully if you've had a "dumb" question about therapy, I will ask it for you! To find Dr. Sharon Flynn, visit

30 Days of Gratitude Challenge  

Hey peeps, this is a practice to help you retrain your brain out of a negative focus. I just started it and I invite you to do the same: 1 negative-into-positive-gratitude per day! (Not in the place of your current gratitudes, in ADDITION to it!) Hope you join me. xo Sarah May B.

Ep 83: Balanced Goal Setting - Enjoying Life While Achieving  

Hi friends, this is really about something I’ve been experiencing lately which is the great energy and ability that comes from doing things that are really challenging and not fun or comfortable for you. I guess because I see in a lot of people who become slaves to habit, a fear or perceived lack of ability when they venture outside that routine. So in many ways, this is about the danger of comfort and how to initiate flexible and changeable self. This is written in part because when you are in a state of continual growth, you can better stay connected to the fact that nothing in life is really such a big deal. Nothing can “take you out” or make you suffer, and better yet – you can do anything and everything you want. You aren’t trapped by the “learned helplessness” that is created by routine – in that you learn from your own behavior, what “you” can do. When you make a habit of trying things that are really hard and make you feel dumb, you stay connected to your “bigger self” – that is you-in-this-entire-lifetime, sense. Because it’s easy to forget when you were a kid and you didn’t care – when you tried before your brain could speak up. I want to help you grow that self a bit more. If you want more of my tools head to and if you like this, please share it! xo

Chronic Fomo: A Recalibration Exercise  

It's easy to get sucked into constant self-measuring and with that, discontent. This is a recalibration for your focus - if you are suffering from Fomo or hyper-focusing on the day-to-day pursuit of better-than. What I call, the hamster seed-gathering loop that is modern day life. If you like this check out for more of my writing and tools. xo Sarah May B.

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