Let It Be

Let It Be

Australia

Thoughtful conversations on what it means to do less and be more.

Episodes

047: Control  

Now, this is an interesting episode. Again, inspired by a question from one of the Let It Be members in the Facebook group, Kelly and Brooke this week look at the topic of control. Specifically, when is a desire for control helpful and when does it become a burden?

Kelly and Brooke come at the control issue from very different places, as Kelly freely admits she’s a control freak (to a certain extent, anyway) who feels more at ease and more productive when she’s in control of her physical surroundings.

Brooke, on the other hand, used to cling to the idea of control as a way of dealing with her anxiety and depression, but over the past couple of years has really learnt to let go and find freedom in not being in control at all.

It’s fascinating to hear the different points of view on control and its impact, but super interestingly, both Brooke and Kel agree that there’s a big difference between controlling our environment and controlling Life (and people) and that this is often where the tension of control lies.

Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show!

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046: FOMO vs JOMO  

This week Kelly and Brooke talk about something that's come up a few times in the Let it Be group on Facebook - the topic of FOMO - the fear of missing out. 

Not really one for FOMO Brooke talks about the reasons she used to fear missing out and the fact that most of it was related to her self-esteem. As that’s improved, she’s discovered she no longer really cares about missing out, and only uses FOMO to motivate her when she’s been in a bit of a rut. JOMO, on the other hand, is something she embraces wholeheartedly!

Kelly similarly has discovered that the more she recognises her choices in life, the less she fears missing out on things. It’s that realisation of choice and agency that can form the antidote to excessive FOMO, and that’s something both Brooke and Kel discuss in this episode.

Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show!

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045: Slow realisations  

In today’s episode Brooke and Kel answer a great question submitted via the Let it Be group on Facebook. Glenda wanted to know if Brooke and Kelly had any thoughts about how to arrive at a realisation or lightbulb moment more quickly. 

As practised navel-gazers, this one is right up Brooke and Kel’s alley, and they have a really interesting conversation about why we can take as long as we do to come to some realisations, and, conversely, why other times we can arrive there in no time at all.

They also talk about the necessity of going through a process in order to learn what needs learning, and the benefit of coming out the other side of that, which is, the next time we need to tap into that knowledge or self-awareness, it won’t take us nearly as long to arrive. 

One of the key parts of the conversation is also about backsliding - why it happens, what we can do to avoid it, and how going through the learning is our greatest tool in arresting the backslide before it gets up too much momentum.

Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show!

 

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044: Community  

In today’s episode, Brooke and Kel tackle another listener question about community.

Carla asks: "I'm interested in your views on community… especially since you're both introverts. How do you overcome your introversion and shyness and feel part of a community IRL? What defines a community for you?”

Both Kel and Brooke talk about the importance of community a lot, but both struggle with the people-heavy nature of what that actually looks like, so in today’s show they discuss why it’s worthwhile, but also how they both manage to involve themselves in various communities without burning out.

It leads to an interesting conversation about what actually constitutes a community, and whether that’s different from a ‘tribe’, as well as practical strategies for dealing with the inevitable small, awkward talk that can come from meeting new people.

Brooke also talks about the fact that you won’t necessarily have a great deal in common with those in some of your communities, and how realising and accepting that can help take some of the pressure off.

This is a great episode for anyone who struggles to get involved, or doesn’t want community-mindedness to take over their lives, as well as anyone who’s suffered through multiple conversations about the weather. (It’s OK. We’ve all been there!)

Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show!

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043: Enough  

What is enough? How is it defined? Why is it defined that way? This is an eye-opening conversation between Brooke and Kelly that proves equally surprising to both of them.

Kelly and Brooke came into this conversation with totally different ideas on the direction it would take - Kelly initially assuming they’d talk about ‘enough’ in terms of money, and Brooke assuming the conversation would centre on ‘enough’ in terms of self.   Never ones to shy away from differing points of view though, this episode sees Kel and Brooke go deep into both ideas of enough-ness, despite the fact that money makes Brooke feel incredibly un-comfortable and brutally aware of the privilege of even having that conversation.   When the conversation turns to enough-ness of self, and how we can learn to embrace it, Brooke realises she’s changed a lot since recording the infamous Inner Mean Girl episode earlier this year!   Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show!

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042: Guilt  

Can guilt ever be a good thing? Kelly and Brooke talk about their own experiences with guilt and where it’s had a positive impact on their lives.

In this episode, Brooke and Kel tackle a listener question about guilt. Tara specifically wants to know how to deal with the different types of guilt she experiences: comparison, shoulds, deserving and the guilt of happiness.

Not only do they work through each of their experiences with guilt (and for two non-Catholics, they sure do have a lot of it!) but also different strategies for dealing with each type of guilt.

Brooke also uses pop culture references (Daredevil for the win!) to work through her thoughts on the usefulness of guilt and why it can sometimes be a good thing. Her and Kel talk about listening to that pang of guilt and using it to focus our attention on the places it needs to be.

While Kel goes to great lengths to avoid ‘bad’ feelings, this idea of using guilt as a guide rather than a nasty thing to be avoided opens up a great discussion on using those negative feelings to drive self-improvement and live more intentionally.

Head over to letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show!

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041: Gratitude  

Kelly has never hidden the fact that she has a complicated relationship with gratitude, as for her, it ties so closely to privilege and ‘first world problems’ . Brooke, on the other hand, is a big fan practising gratitude and credits it with helping her overcome some of the lowest moments over the past few years. 

Today they talk about why gratitude can so quickly become a guilt-laden exercise (I’m so lucky and others are not) and one that works against itself, as well as offering some practical ways of incorporating more gratitude into your day without slipping into Pollyanna Mode.

Kel also comes to realise the core of some of her discomfort with gratitude, and how that can impact her ability to fully feel her emotions (the good and the bad). Kel and Brooke also talk about how to install gratitude (but not guilt) into their kids.

Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show!

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040: Manson’s Law of Avoidance  

Kelly has recently finished reading Mark Manson’s new book, The Subtle Art of Not giving a F*** and was struck hard by what he calls Manson’s Law of Avoidance.

So aside from the fact that Kel now wants to discover and name a law of something (Exeter’s Law of Providing Value in Conversation has a nice ring to it?) the law itself really struck a chord.

Manson explains that, “The more something threatens your identity, the more you will avoid doing it.”

“That means that the more something threatens to change how you view yourself, how you believe yourself to be, the more you will procrastinate ever getting around to doing it.”

Given recent episodes where Kelly and Brooke have discussed change and assumptions and the pain involved in shifting our habits, this is an awesome topic to dive deep in to. Not surprisingly, they come at it from very different places.

Kelly from a place of personal improvement and Brooke from a place of fear. What neither of them really expected though was for it to be so uncomfortable, and to delve in to the idea of not being universally liked.

 

Head over to the Let it Be wesbite to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show!

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039: On Writing  

In today’s episode Brooke and Kel talk all about writing. Specifically, what it is they like about it, what they find difficult and why they continue to write in spite of the fact that it can be difficult.

Brooke is in the middle of writing her first book while Kelly is actually in the process of completing her third book right now, so writing is very much front and centre for both of them. As people who write (albeit less now that they’re podcasting multiple times every week – the irony is strong in this one!) the question is: why? Why do we write? Why is it important to commit our thoughts to the page on a regular basis.

Kelly talks a lot about the impact she wants her words to have on the world, while Brooke finds writing helpful in figuring out exactly what she’s thinking. Brooke also shares that she’s really enjoying the writing process so far – though maybe that’s because her deadline is still a comfortable distance away. 

Both Kel and Brooke have other writers they look up to, and both girls share their tips and insights from their respective (unofficial!) writing mentors.

Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show!

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038: Assumptions  

Have you ever met someone who made you challenge your assumptions? Or someone who forced you to stop and question the stories you were telling yourself?    In today's episode Kelly talks about the frustrating experience of meeting someone like this - a complete contrarian whose constant questioning challenged her to rethink her entire worldview - and the changes that have come as a result. This experience leads in to a great conversation between Brooke and Kel about the stories we tell ourselves and the assumptions we make, as well as the challenge that is changing them.    Both Brooke and Kel have had experiences that forced them to challenge their assumptions, and today Brooke talks about her recent realisation regarding chakra cleansing (YES. SERIOUSLY.)  It's always interesting to dig in to the stories we tell ourselves and the obstacles they put in our way, but as Kel and Brooke discuss today, so much growth lies on the other side of them it's almost always worth asking the question, "Why?"    Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show!

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037: Change  

“May your choices reflect your hopes, not your fears.” (Nelson Mandela)

Both Kel and Brooke have had to make some pretty massive life changes after reaching breaking point over the past few years, and in today's episode they talk about change - more specifically, why they think it took them getting to that breaking point to actually make the changes they needed.

What both Brooke and Kel realise in today's conversation is that self-awareness is key in making adjustments in life before things get to breaking point, but also going through the breakdown and subsequent transformation is what has given them that self-awareness.

Kelly also talks through a blog post of hers that explores the seven reasons you can’t make changes you want (and how to overcome them), which includes:

We feel trapped/like we have no options I’ve tried changing but nothing works This is just how life is I know changes need to be made, but I’m too exhausted People won’t accept the changes I need to make unless things are desperate Surely if I just keep pushing I’ll get there (but we don't actually know what 'there' looks like I don’t deserve anything better than what I’ve got right now

Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show!

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036: Comfort Zones  

It's not often Kelly and Brooke get to record their conversations in person, so when they knew they'd be attending the Problogger conference together in early September, it was too good an opportunity to pass by.    Given previous episodes where both Brooke and Kel have shared their discomfort at attending big, busy events, networking, meeting new people and walking in to a room full of strangers, they thought a discussion on comfort zones would be fascinating. Add to that the fact that Kel didn't have the opportunity to prepare ahead of recording, and you have a very timely exploration of comfort/discomfort.    Turns out Kel and Brooke have similar ideas on what happens when they stay inside their comfort zones too long, as well as what happens when we intentionally put ourselves outside them. Kel talks about the idea that 'nothing good ever comes on this side of your comfort zone' and both she and Brooke share some examples of a time where getting comfortable with being uncomfortable has paid off.   Brooke also talks about being more confident to head out of her comfort zone these days, and the need to return to it sometimes in order to recallibrate and learn.   Such a fun and interesting conversation this week and great listening for anyone looking to expand into the unknown or uncomfortable - even just a little.    Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show!  

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035: Home  

This week's episode explores the idea of 'home' which turns out to be a super fascinating topic for Brooke and Kel as they really couldn't be more different.

Kel prefers to be at her home in Perth more than anywhere else in the world, whereas Brooke has an insatiable wanderlust and would happily live on the road forever. In fact, she finds herself feeling anxious just at the thought of having to stay in one place for the rest of her life!

In this episode Kel talks about why home, as a place, is so important to her and how it helps her to feel at ease and in control of life. Conversely, Brooke shares why home isn't a place to her, but rather the rituals and relationships that happen inside a place.

Interestingly though, Brooke is discovering that as her kids get older and roots start to grow a little deeper, there is a slowly growing feeling of being anchored and she talks a little about why that's challenging for her.

One thing both Kel and Brooke agree on though is the idea of home being a place of security and safety, and how fortunate they are that this is the case.

Such an interesting one this week!

Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show!

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034: Introversion  

If you've listened to the show for any length of time you might suspect that Brooke and Kel are somewhat introverted, (or possibly a whole lot introverted!) and in today's episode they chat about what that means to them, how it impacted them growing up and the obstacles and benefits of being introverted as an adult.    They talk about the difference between being introverted and being shy, and why you can be one without the other, as well as coping strategies they both use when they find themselves in intense social situations. Brooke also wants to make something clear - she isn't aloof! She simply has a life-long case of RBF.    Getting to know ourselves - our quirks, strengths, weaknesses and weirdnesses - is a key part of creating a more contented life, and both Brooke and Kel have done some hardcore exploring over the past few years. Understanding who they are and why they tick has helped to not only create that contented life of more being and less doing, but it's also lead them to a greater sense of calm and self acceptance too. Which has little to do with being an introvert and more to do with spending time getting to know ourselves.    Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show!  

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033: Resentment  

After an impromptu mid-year break Kel and Brooke are back!    We all experience the red-hot bubbling feeling of resentment occasionally - be it in a romantic, professional or social relationship - and in this episode Brooke and Kel dive into what resentment actually is, how they personally experience it and what measures they've put in place to minimise the negative impact it's had on their lives.    Kel shares a recent experience with resentment at home, how it manifested itself, and what she did to stop it from becoming a poisonous influence on her relationship. Brooke talks about the realisation that so much of her anger stems from resentment, and specifically her frustration with not communicating clearly what she needs.   Brooke also talks about the importance of self-awareness and learning to 'feel your feelings', identify what's causing them and communicating what you need, as a way of combating resentment.    Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show!

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032: Going Fast to Go Slow  

Today Brooke and Kel talk about the idea of going fast some times, in order to go slow in others. And it's this juxtaposition, this seemingly contradictory approach to how we spend our days, that's at the heart of slowing down and living a more intentional life.    Far from the assumptions that her life is now slow and relaxed ALL THE TIME, Brooke shares her love for 'fast' and the effectiveness of a good deadline pressure, as well as her tendency to front-load her work in order to have regular go-slows.    Kel is far more organised in her approach to going fast to go slow (which surprises no-one) and shares how she creates blocks of time in her days where she has permission to do things in a less efficient way. Brooke is not particularly efficient so this idea is mind blowing.    Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show!  

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031: Me Time  

'Me Time'. It's a phrase that makes both Kel and Brooke cringe, so in today's episode they unpack why exactly that is.    They talk about their own idea of me time (not a pedicure or a facial in sight!) and why it took them so long to understand its importance. Brooke talks about the seasons of life and how some times a 3 minute grab of quiet is all we're going to get, as well as the change in her life this year as both kids have started school.    They talk about the perception of me time as being selfish and entitled, as well as the opposite ways they were raised to think about think about it. After tiring of saying the phrase 'me time' 167 times in this episode, they've also decided it needs a rebrand!    Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show!

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030: Learning  

Most weeks Kel and Brooke sit down to chat with a topic in mind, and they have a decent idea of where the conversation will end up. Then there are conversations like today's.    They could have spoken about the things they've been learning recently, or the ways in which information has changed their points of view. Instead, they went the literal route and started off talking about school! Kel loved school and missed about 5 days in total, while Brooke was often found loitering in the sick bay, coming up with reasons why she wouldn't attend the next day.    Interestingly though, both Kel and Brooke had similar learning experiences throughout school and both needed to develop their critical thinking skills significantly as young adults.    The conversation does eventually come back to how Brooke and Kel each prefer to learn, as well as the cycles of learning they each find themselves in. Sometimes they can't get enough new information while other times you'll find them curled up in bed reading The Hunger Games for the 67th time.     Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show!  

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029: Perfectionism  

Brooke is a reforming perfectionist who takes issue with the idea of a 'perfect' anything, while this year Kel published a book called Practical Perfection. So when the topic of perfectionism came up recently the girls had two immediate thoughts: 1) why hasn't this come up before? And 2) this is gonna be interesting.    Recently Brooke had a big lightbulb moment, as she realised her perfectionistic tendencies had actually been holding her back. It was only when she actively began shedding the idea of perfect that she was able to make great strides in so many areas of her life that had been stuck for years.    Kelly, on the other hand, has become very adept at managing her perfectionism, rather than trying to banish it completely. She also is a wealth of knowledge when it comes to the different types of perfectionism, how they effect us (and those around us) and the different strategies needed to either manage or move away from them when they become damaging.   Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show!

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028: Downtime  

  Occasionally Brooke and Kel like to take a week off their signature navel-gazing conversations and tap into a lighter, more personal topic. This week they're talking about downtime. That is, what they do in theirs, how they protect it and why family downtime is different to personal downtime (spoken like true introverts!)    Brooke recognises that it's important to be organised throughout the week in order to have downtime over the weekend, but also recommends a lowering of standards in order to take some of the pressure off.    Kelly and her family fiercely protect their weekends and she also talks about the shift her and her husband have made in getting off their laptops in the evening hours.    They also talk about their favourite TV shows, what activities they like to do in their downtime and why early mornings are the saving grace of their busy days.    It's another fun one! Head over to http://www.letitbe.fm to learn more about Kelly and Brooke and subscribe to the show!

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