Lizard People (a Show About Conspiracy Theories)

Lizard People (a Show About Conspiracy Theories)

United States

What if the government actually did cover something up in Roswell? What if yetis exist and are just really shy? What if super-intelligent lizards are wearing human skin suits, influencing international affairs and recording podcasts? Conspiracy theories are cool because they appeal to our evolved logical human brains and our stupid mammal idiot brains. So join comedian and skeptic Katelyn Hempstead as her brilliant friends try to convince her of these and many other conspiracy theories.

Episodes

Predictive Programming with George Barber  

Some episodes of this podcast are silly. Some are thoughtful. And sometimes we have to just say to heck with conspiracy theories, it's time for some good goddamn conversation. This one is that third one. The incredibly funny and borderline genius comedian George Barber stopped by for what we thought was going to be a conversation about the loopy little theory that the media is conditioning us to accept fascism and stuff. But actually it turned into two buds talking about the election, the nature of conspiracy theories, what it's like to be working and middle class, American history, and everything that's been on our minds for the last few weeks. It may not be a normal episode of Lizard People, but it's a talk we were all glad to have. We hope you'll be glad too!

Conspiracy Conspiracies with Wave Segal  

Wave Segal is a very funny comedian and actor. He's also a hardcore conspiracy theory nerd. And on this episode of Lizard People he presents the most meta, complex, shocking conspiracy theory of all - that there's a conspiracy to spread conspiracy theories! Yes, Wave argues that conspiracy theories are a tool used to distract from real government abuses. Did your mind just get blown? You ain't heard nothing yet. This episode is all about two conspiracy theory nerds nerding out hard and enjoying speculating about the nature of government. It's pretty silly, and it's also so so real. Also we mention the election because we recorded it before the election and wow were we young and happy and naive. Simpler times, y'all.

Sylvia Plath with Julia Meltzer  

Sylvia Plath was a poet, essayist, novelist, and very interesting person. Her work was luminous, and her suicide was notorious. But some people think that her husband (notorious asshole) Ted Hughes had more to do with her death than he ever admitted. People including our guest Julia Meltzer, comedian and podcast host and extremely thoughtful person! We talk about how to deal with sadness, what makes a genius, and how we should think about our heroes. It's not easy stuff to discuss, but if anyone can do it it's a couple of literature nerds who've had a lot of therapy. Shoutouts in this episode include Ariana Lenarsky, feminism, grandmas, formerly fat boys, curses, literary theorists, and teenage girls. This is a bleak one but a good one!

Hollow Earth with Ben Dietzel  

You might think that the earth is solid all the way through, with different layers like a delicious baklava. But what if the earth is in fact hollow, like a sphere made of poptarts that are frosted on both sides? All these desserts and more come in to play in our fascinating discussion of the Hollow Earth theory. Stand-up comedian and improviser Ben Dietzel makes the case that the middle of the earth is not solid, but is actually the location of the land called Agartha, home of gentle giants and futuristic space craft. It's a very silly good time, and it's sure to make you hungry, so listen with a snack!

The Patriarchy with Elle Eckley  

Whatever you're expecting from this episode, gird your loins for a wild surprise! Very fun comedian Elle Eckley stopped by the Lizard's Den to argue that the Patriarchy (the social system that defines our gender roles and keeps women down) is actually a global conspiracy. Which meant that Katelyn had to argue the reverse. It's Social Justice Warrior vs Men's Rights Activist in this episode, and everyone took part in the uncomfortable but still fun work of trying to be a more open-minded person. Did we do it perfectly? No! But imperfect conversations are what podcasts are for! Take the journey with us and see who convinces who.

The Grand Grimoire with Patrick Ehlers  

Some people are scared of clowns. Some are scared of dying alone. Some are even scared of cute harmless little frogs. But one thing we can all agree on is that Satan is SCARY! Hilarious and erudite comedian Patrick Ehlers came on the podcast to tell us all about the maybe mythical but highly wacky book known as the Grand Grimoire, a book of magic that apparently spells out how to summon demons. Including Satan. The book tells you how to summon Satan. And that's not even the wildest thing we discuss in this episode! Patrick also knows a lot about comic books, the history of language, video games, and Academy Award winning movies. It's a very fun conversation and not as spooky as a Halloween episode probably should be, but oh well. Enjoy, and be sure to check out Patrick's wonderful new podcast Nintendo Cartridge Society!

One Direction Babygate with Brooke Hartnett  

We've covered some dark conspiracy theories on this podcast. Things like Illuminati sacrifices, owl murders, secret Republican orgies, and good old fashioned fake deaths. But this has to be the most twisted, bleak, disturbing one of all. What if Louis Tomlinson's baby... IS FAKE?? Yes we're talking about THE Louis Tomlinson, singing child and nice hair haver. A little while back he knocked up a lady and now they have a kid together. But a lot of the internet thinks that their baby is just a cover for Louis' passionate relationship with Harry Styles, also a handsome singing fetus. Comedian and pop-culture enthusiast Brooke Hartnett joined us on the podcast to talk about where that baby really came from, and how they covered the whole thing. It was a very fun and silly and shallow and scatter-brained wonderful time. Also, come on out to the Tucson Comedy Arts Festival fromĀ November 9th to the 12th! We'll give you lots of high fives.

Fran Theory Mini Ep. #2 - The Truth About Taylor  

Turn on your iTunes. She's there. Check your Facebook. She's there. Look up into the sky at a tall white crane that's soaring majestically through a cloud. Taylor Swift is there too. The gal is everywhere, and her career has been going strong for what, like 12 years now? Love her or hate her, you can't escape the huge impact Tay Tay has had on pop culture. No wonder, then, that conspiracy theories swirl around the lanky popster like so many preteen groupies. From 'Taylor is illuminati' to 'Taylor is a satanist clone', there are some wild theories about her, and in this mini-episode, Katelyn covers her favorites with the usual lack of regard for facts. So don't you worry your pretty little mind, because we're about to blow your brain straight our your ear holes.

Corporate Conspiracies with Scott Thiede  

Ever feel like the whole world is conspiring against you? Like the fat cats and the corporations and the government want to keep you down? Well according to our guest, brilliant comedian Scott Thiede, you're dead right!! Scott thinks that there's a plot afoot to keep the poor poor and the rich filthy stinkin rich. And he's got some interesting evidence to prove it. Gotta' listen to find out what, though! Because we're not gonna put it in the episode description.

Animal Uprising with Ele Woods  

Something is happening in the ocean. Strange deaths, unexplained disappearances, mean rude stingrays. But what if these odd coincidences are in fact... AN ANIMAL CONSPIRACY. Our guest Ele Woods - a smart and hilarious comedian and also excellent dancer and costume-maker - makes the argument that the many odd animal-related deaths around the world are actually part of a global inter-species conspiracy to kill all humans. Also our voices sound very similar, so if you can't tell who is who know that Ele is the funny one and Katelyn is the one that keeps cackling loudly. This theory is a lil spooky!

The Shakespeare Authorship Question with Jeff Zuschlag  

Do you enjoy hearing hardcore theatre nerds geek out over Shakespeare? Well then you're gonna go gaga for this ep! The very funny and shockingly smart comedian Jeff Zuschlag came on the podcast to cover on of the nearest and dearest subjects to our hearts: SHAKESPEAH! Namely, the theory that Shakespeare didn't actually write the plays that are attributed to him. We discuss the Bard, his buddies, horny theatre teens, zines, dead languages, and the eternal mystery surrounding the true source of genius. It's pretty fun!

The Fake Moon Landing with Matt Johnson  

In this episode acclaimed director, writer, and Canadian Matt Johnson stops by the studio to tell us the real deal truth about the moon landing. Namely, that it for sure actually happened! Turns out he knows more than just about anyone under 70 about lunar landings, because he had to become an expert to make his magnificent movie Operation Avalanche. If you're a fan of independent film, science, powerful storytelling, budget talk, car chases, movie tech, and strangers becoming friends, this episode is most definitely for you. Have a nice time!

The 1985 NBA Draft with Jake Regal  

In this episode, we find out that Jake Regal (actor and comedian and multi-talented man) can play a college student with uncanny accuracy. Plus, he knows literally everything about wrestling. This week we explored the dramatic (and probably rigged) 1985 NBA draft. It was wild! In addition, we compare NBA commissioners to Archie characters, explore the logistics of freezing paper, discuss the homoerotic nature of MMA, and do a mini-episode about the Montreal Screw Job. Enjoy hearing a very patient person explain sports to an idiot.

Lizard People and David Icke with Brandon Blanks  

Get ready for a high-intensity, fast-talking, chakra-busting, Catalina-denying, chicken-teething good time! Genius writer and director Brandon Blanks stopped by to talk about interdimensional lizard aliens and the possible messiah David Icke. We say lots of possible slurs for aliens and planets, and spin out some truly wild ideas about what might really be controlling our beliefs and actions. Feat. fan favorite Omri Kruvi in a hot cameo!

JFK and the CIA with Maria Perros  

JFK's assassination is one of the greatest American conspiracy theories. And our guest, the hilarious and crazy smart Maria Perros fully did it justice with her amazing argument that he was betrayed by the CIA. By his own CIA, people!!! In this intense episode we deal with Lee Harvey Oswald, dirty commies, unfortunate turns of phrase, fat babies, and Jewish teeth. It's a delight.

The Owl Theory with Allegra Ringo  

Our guest this week is Allegra Ringo, hilarious comedian and co-host of the amazing podcast Can I Pet Your Dog? This conspiracy involves the very sad passing of Kathleen Peterson, who seems like an extremely nice person. Her husband was jailed for her murder, but since the trial some very weird evidence has come to light. OWLY EVIDENCE. Guys, owls are metal as hell. Listen in for a sizzling hot critique of the justice system, and so so many swears. Sorry to both of our families!

The Beatles Never Existed with Todd McClintock  

It's the return of a champion! Fran fave Todd McClintock is back, this time with an appallingly stupid conspiracy theory involving The Beatles, eyebrows, earlobes, lies, money, drugs, and rock 'n' roll. This theory posits that there were multiple actors playing each Beatle, and that their deaths were staged. Sound insane? It is! This episode is mostly screaming and giggling and visual jokes, aka the greatest episode of any podcast ever. Bonus: Todd writes an original song!

Ancient Astronauts with Mark David Christenson  

What if angels were just aliens? What if the pyramids were build by lazers? What if the war on Christmas was a real thing? All these questions and more are answered on this episode, in which Mark David Christenson addresses the theory that ancient alien astronauts came to earth to teach us junk like architecture and then mess around with our DNA. And as a bonus, we get verrrrrrry fiesty about organized religion. Westboro Baptist, sashay away!

Bush and Britney with Sarah Franklin  

We all know Brit Brit had a pretty tough go of it in 2007. But not a lot of people remember that George W. Bush was doing the political equivalent of shaving his head and fighting paparazzi with umbrellas. Guest Sarah Franklin makes a SHOCKINGLY compelling argument that Spears was an off-the-books employee of the Bush White House. You might disagree with our politics, and you might disagree with our pop-culture obsession. But you can't disagree that Crossroads is the greatest film of our generation.

Fran Theory Mini Ep. #1 - The Ballad of Melania Trump  

Melania Trump had a pretty bad night at the Republican National Convention. Oh well, everyone screws up sometimes and plagiarizes from one of the most famous people in the world. OR DO THEY??? Maybe Melania was actually sabotaged by one of the merry miscreants associated with the Trump campaign! But was it the campaign manager, the speech writer, the son-in-law, the mysterious dancer, or famed director Werner Herzog? You're about to find out, in Lizard People's first ever solo episode tackling a Fran Theory. Featuring accordion music!

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