Lizard People (a Show About Conspiracy Theories)

Lizard People (a Show About Conspiracy Theories)

United States

What if the government actually did cover something up in Roswell? What if yetis exist and are just really shy? What if super-intelligent lizards are wearing human skin suits, influencing international affairs and recording podcasts? Conspiracy theories are cool because they appeal to our evolved logical human brains and our stupid mammal idiot brains. So join comedian and skeptic Katelyn Hempstead as her brilliant friends try to convince her of these and many other conspiracy theories.


Pet Microchips with Haley Hepworth  

You're a good pet owner. You feed your fur baby (ew) the more expensive food, you make sure they get exercise and stimulation, you give them lots of nice pats, you microchip them. But what if that little piece of tech isn't there to track your cat? What if it's there... to track you? The hilarious actor and writer and comedian Haley Hepworth rolled through to argue that our pets microchips are just part of a bigger strategy from the government to keep us in line. And it's preeeeetty spooky, if you think about it!! We have a nice chat and get to describe lots of cute animal things. What more could you want?

Fran Theory Mini Ep. #4 - Sandy Was Dead, Grease Is A Dream  

When you make a weird ass movie, people are gonna come up with weird ass theories about it. And there's one weird ass theory about the movie Grease that states that Sandy died before the action of the movie even starts, and the whole film is her dying brain constructing an elaborate dream of what might have been. There's a lot of evidence, from the crazy fantasy sequences to that insane gosh dang flying car. Do those really happen? Or did Sandra Dee say good bye to life? You be the judge, dear fran!

Pearl Harbor with Tiffany Reeves  

If you're looking for the original day that will live in infamy, look no further! America was rocked by the Japanese attacks on Pearl Harbor on December 7th, 1941 and a lot of folks credit them as the reason the US entered WW2. And look, we're for sure not historians. But  you gotta admit, the US did a pretty weird job of preparing for this attack. And our brilliant guest Tiffany Reeves thinks that the failure to defend against the attack was 100% deliberate. Tiff's a real believer, and as such this convo does get a little more serious than our usually silly shit. But it's so interesting and so informative and you wouldn't believe how complicated our feelings for Hirohito are. Soooo complicated.

Skull And Bones and The 2004 Election with Edgar Momplaisir  

Do you believe that grassroots organizing can work and that people are inherently good? Well then you're a freaking doingus. At least, so SOME people would have you believe! Our guest Edgar Momplaisir - ridiculously talented comedian, writer, and actor - makes the argument that John Kerry's premature concession in the 2004 presidential election was a set-up orchestrated by the secret society Skull and Bones. And y'all, it only gets wilder from there. We have a very spirited argument about the value of protest, the nature of power, and whether fraternities and sororities are hella wack. The debate may get spicy, but don't worry, we're still friends in the end.

Fran Theory Mini Ep. #3 - Fidel Castro's Many Conspiracy Theories  

It's the return of the fran theory mini episode! And this one's a five-fer. So Fidel Castro was a pretty bad dude. He started out a footloose and fancy free revolutionary, but then he ruthlessly suppressed freedom of speech and executed just so many people. But! Did you also know that the dude sincerely loved conspiracy theories? Betcha didn't! Here are a few conspiracy theories that Castro believed, a few theories about Castro, and some good ol' fashioned Hempstead rambling. Hope you like! If you didn't, hit us up on the Lizard People Facebook page to yell at us!

Courtney Love Killed Kurt Cobain with Molly Fite  

Sex. Drugs. Rock n' Roll. Mental Illness. Plaid. The Pacific Northwest. Misogyny. Vocal Fry. There is A LOT going on in this episode! Actor and comedian and puppeteer Molly Fite rolled through the Lizard's Den to talk about the rumor that Courtney Love had Kurt Cobain whacked. Molly is a child of the grunge era, and this one gets right at the heart of fandom and the nature of mental illness. It's not exactly light-hearted but hey, neither were Nirvana and Hole. Everybody's got an opinion about this crazy relationship, and we're not exceptions.

H.H. Holmes and Jack The Ripper with Julia Zimmerman  

It's a steam punk episode! Actor and talented person Julia Fay Zimmerman rolled through to talk about the crimes of the century. HH Holmes was the owner of the infamous Murder Castle in Chicago, and was responsible for the deaths of dozens of unfortunate boarders. Jack The Ripper was the ghoul of White Castle (oops Chapel) who murdered numerous ladies of the night. But there are some out there in this wild old world who believe that they were in fact... the same person!!! Honestly, we were both a little drunk this episode, so it's a loosey goosey one. Also, producer Alexis makes a guest appearance! As does her boyfriend Cooper and her fat cat Maude. The whole gang's here! Except Ryan, he wasn't there.

The Wine Cork Conspiracy with Billy Merritt  

You might think you know what the deal is with corks, but trust. You're about to have your little mind blown. Billy Merritt walks us through the connection between French wine, Portuguese corks, EU-hating terrorists, Long Island beef, and those magical dudes who always manage to find weed no matter where they are in the world. Billy Merritt - actor, comedian, writer, and host of the shows Uncorked - rolls through to tell us all about the greatest conspiracy ever to hit the wide world of wine. And also we talk sandwiches! It's a dang blast. 

Michael Hastings' Death with Kerry O'Neill  

When BuzzFeed is the most reputable news source, and the government can do pretty much whatever it wants to private citizens, who can you trust? Kerry O'Neill, that's who! The wildly talented writer and comedian and dog mom stopped by to tell us the unnerving tale of the death of Michael Hastings. The controversial bad boy of digital journalism died in a fiery crash in 2013 under suspicious circumstances, while investigating the CIA. It's sad and weird at the same time. We discuss his legacy, as well as partisan politics, drugs, mental illness, war, the role of journalism, and the decline of American democracy. But also, we have a fun time and make a lot of goofy jokes! That combo shouldn't work, but baby? It does.

Fluoridated Water with Angela Gulner  

Industrial runoff. Atomic bomb test waste. Tap water. What do these all in common? THEY ALL CONTAIN WATER!!! Just kidding, they all have dreadful terrible fluoride in them. Fluoride is a controversial chemical with a shady past, and the hilarious filmmaker and actor Angela Gulner stops by the Lizard Lair to argue that it's in fact part of a great corporate conspiracy. Along the way we also discuss our favorite junk foods, laugh about how silly German sounds, explore the history of slimy PR guys, bring up psychic grandmas, sip Diet Coke, learn about history, and talk about Angela's amazing webseries Binge. Oh, and keep an ear out for a big disaster caused by Katelyn waving her arms around like an idiot. You'll know it when you hear it!

Special End Of The Year Episode  

Can you believe this podcast is one year old? Feels like it's barely been 11 months! All (hilarious) jokes aside, it's been a pretty wild year. We've covered everything from yetis to Marisa Tomei to lightbulbs to the Illuminati to our Hollow Earth to the Build-A-Bear corporation. We've laughed, we've cried, we've sung songs and drank beers. And through it all, we've been really, really lucky to have you as our listeners. So as a fun wrap-up to this tumultuous time in our lives, in this episode Katelyn takes a little time to tell you something new about every episode we've recorded. Sometimes that 'something new' is a recently uncovered fact about an unsolved murder, sometimes it's just an observation that the guest from that old episode is now married. But it's all pretty fun, tbh. Happy listening, happy holidays, and have a wonderful start to your new year!

Marisa Tomei's Oscar with Patrick McDonald  

Okay, we gotta conspiracy theory ova heaaaaah! If you like bad Brooklyn accents and arguments about the importance of comedy in culture, this ep is for you baby. Patrick McDonald came on the podcast for a freewheelin' conversation about classic movies, Hollywood scandals, Oscar-bait, Saturday Night Live, the dangers of alcohol, and lots of cute bimbo impressions. Plus, Katelyn tells a story about her shameful past in the seedy underbelly of LA catering. And after all of that, we finally get to the shocking conspiracy theory that the talented Marisa Tomei won a Best Supporting Actress award erroneously, because Jack Palance was too drunk to see the card and therefore said the wrong name! Dram, if you're listening to this, really sorry and please don't sue.

Ferris Bueller Wasn't Real  

Ready for some truly dumb dad jokes? This wholesome episode tackles the theory that Ferris Bueller's Day Off, classic 80's teen film, is actually a dark portrait of a deeply disturbed young man who invents a cool imaginary friend with powers he can only dream of. Wow, creepy stuff! Our guest Clara Baker is a big movie buff, and she delivers this wacky theory with a lotta panache and some very expert water drop noises. You're going to come out of this one seeing Cameron pretty dang differently, this we can promise. At the very least you'll agree with us that Alan Ruck has always been a sex symbol. Zamn, zaddy.

Predictive Programming with George Barber  

Some episodes of this podcast are silly. Some are thoughtful. And sometimes we have to just say to heck with conspiracy theories, it's time for some good goddamn conversation. This one is that third one. The incredibly funny and borderline genius comedian George Barber stopped by for what we thought was going to be a conversation about the loopy little theory that the media is conditioning us to accept fascism and stuff. But actually it turned into two buds talking about the election, the nature of conspiracy theories, what it's like to be working and middle class, American history, and everything that's been on our minds for the last few weeks. It may not be a normal episode of Lizard People, but it's a talk we were all glad to have. We hope you'll be glad too!

Conspiracy Conspiracies with Wave Segal  

Wave Segal is a very funny comedian and actor. He's also a hardcore conspiracy theory nerd. And on this episode of Lizard People he presents the most meta, complex, shocking conspiracy theory of all - that there's a conspiracy to spread conspiracy theories! Yes, Wave argues that conspiracy theories are a tool used to distract from real government abuses. Did your mind just get blown? You ain't heard nothing yet. This episode is all about two conspiracy theory nerds nerding out hard and enjoying speculating about the nature of government. It's pretty silly, and it's also so so real. Also we mention the election because we recorded it before the election and wow were we young and happy and naive. Simpler times, y'all.

Sylvia Plath with Julia Meltzer  

Sylvia Plath was a poet, essayist, novelist, and very interesting person. Her work was luminous, and her suicide was notorious. But some people think that her husband (notorious asshole) Ted Hughes had more to do with her death than he ever admitted. People including our guest Julia Meltzer, comedian and podcast host and extremely thoughtful person! We talk about how to deal with sadness, what makes a genius, and how we should think about our heroes. It's not easy stuff to discuss, but if anyone can do it it's a couple of literature nerds who've had a lot of therapy. Shoutouts in this episode include Ariana Lenarsky, feminism, grandmas, formerly fat boys, curses, literary theorists, and teenage girls. This is a bleak one but a good one!

Hollow Earth with Ben Dietzel  

You might think that the earth is solid all the way through, with different layers like a delicious baklava. But what if the earth is in fact hollow, like a sphere made of poptarts that are frosted on both sides? All these desserts and more come in to play in our fascinating discussion of the Hollow Earth theory. Stand-up comedian and improviser Ben Dietzel makes the case that the middle of the earth is not solid, but is actually the location of the land called Agartha, home of gentle giants and futuristic space craft. It's a very silly good time, and it's sure to make you hungry, so listen with a snack!

The Patriarchy with Elle Eckley  

Whatever you're expecting from this episode, gird your loins for a wild surprise! Very fun comedian Elle Eckley stopped by the Lizard's Den to argue that the Patriarchy (the social system that defines our gender roles and keeps women down) is actually a global conspiracy. Which meant that Katelyn had to argue the reverse. It's Social Justice Warrior vs Men's Rights Activist in this episode, and everyone took part in the uncomfortable but still fun work of trying to be a more open-minded person. Did we do it perfectly? No! But imperfect conversations are what podcasts are for! Take the journey with us and see who convinces who.

The Grand Grimoire with Patrick Ehlers  

Some people are scared of clowns. Some are scared of dying alone. Some are even scared of cute harmless little frogs. But one thing we can all agree on is that Satan is SCARY! Hilarious and erudite comedian Patrick Ehlers came on the podcast to tell us all about the maybe mythical but highly wacky book known as the Grand Grimoire, a book of magic that apparently spells out how to summon demons. Including Satan. The book tells you how to summon Satan. And that's not even the wildest thing we discuss in this episode! Patrick also knows a lot about comic books, the history of language, video games, and Academy Award winning movies. It's a very fun conversation and not as spooky as a Halloween episode probably should be, but oh well. Enjoy, and be sure to check out Patrick's wonderful new podcast Nintendo Cartridge Society!

One Direction Babygate with Brooke Hartnett  

We've covered some dark conspiracy theories on this podcast. Things like Illuminati sacrifices, owl murders, secret Republican orgies, and good old fashioned fake deaths. But this has to be the most twisted, bleak, disturbing one of all. What if Louis Tomlinson's baby... IS FAKE?? Yes we're talking about THE Louis Tomlinson, singing child and nice hair haver. A little while back he knocked up a lady and now they have a kid together. But a lot of the internet thinks that their baby is just a cover for Louis' passionate relationship with Harry Styles, also a handsome singing fetus. Comedian and pop-culture enthusiast Brooke Hartnett joined us on the podcast to talk about where that baby really came from, and how they covered the whole thing. It was a very fun and silly and shallow and scatter-brained wonderful time. Also, come on out to the Tucson Comedy Arts Festival from November 9th to the 12th! We'll give you lots of high fives.

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