Speed Metal Cycling Podcast

Speed Metal Cycling Podcast

United States

Let the Cycling Gods Seethe With Anger, For We, the Almighty, Will Prevail. Unrestrained Cycling Irreverence Since 2009

Episodes

Just in Jewels  

Sectional couches, Richard Nixon, manslaughter, David Harmon, helmet soccer, daddy sodas, Dave Attell and Pocahontas. That and much, much, much more (nonsense) in this episode of the best podcast ever: THE Speed Metal Cycling Podcast.

A Dog Named Pony  

Klaus rejoins the gang, but does so from an echoey cave. He sounds like the spirit of an evil cycling fan who isn't scary at all. We apologize for that. We discuss Paris-Nice, Tirreno-Adriatico and the Ronde van Drenthe. Natalia and caveman Klaus have plenty of opinions, while SkullKrusher goes on about some nonsense and Mike... well we thought Mike was dead for a little, or maybe had just passed out. Fortunately , that was not the case. We think he just fell asleep.

Hammer Circus  

Scandal at Sky!! And we barely talk about it. We do talk about the Strade Bianche (men's and ladies'), the beginning of Paris-Nice and some other races. As usual we talk other nonsense including tattooing, cat agility, pure breed dogs and other crap we are forgetting now.

The President of Lithuania  

YES, we know Sagan is not Lithuanian! Klaus misses all the fun in today's episode. His loss. We talk about the Dubai Tour (just a little bit), the Omloop (men's and women's), Kuurne-Brussel-Kuurne and the Colombian National Championships. Also discussed, Peter Sagan, Tom Hanks, the President of Lithuania, Gaviria, Henao, Chaves, Haribo, food poisoning and liquid poop. See? I told you it was Klaus' loss.

The Opposite of Shy Bladder  

Mike is back. Unfortunately, so is SkullKrusher. We discuss the first few races of the European season and Klaus retells the best joke ever told for Mike's enjoyment. 'Krusher promises that they will record  more often now that the season is in full force.

It's Only for Pure Climbers  

We discuss the Tour Down Under and manage to do so without mentioning koala bears or kangaroos a single time. As if that wasn't enough we also answer listener questions for a good 35 minutes. Yeah, you read it right.

Merry New Year!  

Since Mike is on assignment, the Colombians have absolute freedom to do as they please, once again. Natalia gets all types of ruffled over the mention of a certain Spanish cyclist, we discuss our overall ambivalence toward the Tour Down Under, but barely mention Willunga Hill, which is unbelievable. Klaus brings out the big guns with the best joke ever told. At least 'Krusher believes so. He laughed for like 3 minutes straight. Something tells us this is not the last time we'll hear the punch line. "Punch" as in you guys will be "punching" yourselves in the face every time it comes up again, because of its sheer vacuousness.

Merry Xmas!  

Santa is bringing us bags of Fluimucil! Enjoy!

SMC Holiday Party  

We decided to record this episode during the Speed Metal Cycling holiday party. We were all pretty drunk, so we are not responsible for the content of this episode; or any other episode. Ever. Space poop.

Doofus Cyclist Eats it  

Wow. This episode will sure break all the records for suckiness and horribility. We have proven, once again, that we have no business recording ourselves talk about anything, much less cycling. The rambles are incoherent, drawn out and dull. If you make it through the whole thing, we suggest therapy. There must be something seriously wrong with you and the way you precess information. Your insecurities must be put in check.

Team Manzana  

The gang starts the episode discussing painful dental procedures and clench-provoking eye surgeries for the condition known as 'surfer eye.' After that, we talk about the World Championships, before turning their attention to the new Colombian Pro-Conti team Manzana Postobon. If you make it past the dental talk, you'll be rewarded with a fun episode. Good luck!

A Color Me Badd Cover Band  

TUEsdays get a lot of attention from the world of cycling these days. Not only because the Speed Metal Cycling podcast comes out on Tuesdays, but because of this hacker/Sky Team/Wiggins thing. The guys (and gal) discuss. They also tackle the tough topic of wether or not Gaviria's jingle jangle should be kissed by other riders. World Championship picks are made, and the ridiculous heat of Qatar (apparently pronounced Gtrr) is made fun of. All this and much more in this happy episode of your mom's favorite podcast.

Pam-plet  

Red Hook Crit angry dude gets plenty of airtime and, of course, 'Krusher threatens to punch him in the face. The question is: before or after Sergio? The team discusses Il Lombardia and a little bit of Milano-Torino. The rest of the time is pretty much you average run-of-the mill SMC podcast. Blah, blah, blah... you know how it is.

It's Just Eagles  

We find out that Iron Maiden makes SkullKrusher cry. Seriously. Topics in this episode range from early 90s hip-hop to (the) Eagles and Steely Dan. From the Giro dell'Emilia to Tom Danielson's girlfriend. The mystery of why sedans (saloons, in the UK) do not have read window wipers is solved by Klaus. What else, what else? Can't remember anything else, but we're sure there's more...

The Forbidden Dance  

How long can you talk about a parade? Well, today these guys broke the record and managed to do it for 4 hours and 38 minutes. Of course, we edited it down to about 16 painful minutes, but the original ramble was nothing short of epic. Other topics covered included the European Championships, and some transfer news. Natalia brought her tape recorder and attempted to keep the rest of the guys in check by playing annoying sound effects throughout the episode. God bless her soul.

We Are 138  

It's a full house once again. And no, we are not talking Danny, Joey, Uncle Jesse and Kimmy. Klaus, Mike and Natalia join the SkullKrusher for a fun-filled episode. They discuss Colombian witchcraft in California, and the amazing Vuelta that was. Ekekos come up more than once, so when you are looking them up, make sure you spell it correctly: Ekekos.

My Mother Poured Acid All Over My Body  

If this episode is half as nuts and exciting as the Vuelta has been, then we should be able to retire happy knowing that we published the awesomest episode ever. That's not gonna happen. As you may have guessed, tho, we discuss the last few stages of the Vuelta and also talk about bull fighting, Cuban witchcraft and acid. No, not that kind. The kind that burns your face, nipples and your unmentionables. Enjoy... we did.

It's Not Super Sticky  

The episode should have been called 'An Ode to Nairo Quintana.' Listen and you'll see why. We discuss the Vuelta, some talk of transfers and rumors, and Natalia tells stories about meeting Diana Penuela and Iris Slappendel of the UHC women's team. Also, we ask for your help filling out our survey. That's about it.

Colombians Talk. A Lot.  

Natalia and the SkullKrusher find themselves home alone. With the two parents away the proceed to talk. A lot. Olympics and the upcoming Vuelta are the main topics, but they discuss football (soccer) in Colombia, a little comic book talk and string theory. Also, predictions and picks for the Vuelta, including Klaus' and Mike's.

Smells Like Olympic Spirit  

Mike and SkullKrusher man the ship alone on this one. They discuss 'Krusher's hatred of anything and everything Olympics, the men and women's Olympic race and late season transfers. Also, Natalia sends in a recording with her thoughts on the women's race and the Lizzie Armitstead affair.

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