The Dick Show

The Dick Show

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Episodes

Episode 27 – Dick on Moving  

Download the MP3 The Booger Bandit, sweet-talking movers, bedroom starfish, the Country Mouse and the Shitty Mouse, pizza Jesus, Sean and his raise and also many sexual exploits, the time I was ejected from a Flight of the Conchords concert, Maddox and his shitty Gildan T-shirts, more celebrities call in, using technology to stop bed … Continue reading "Episode 27 – Dick on Moving"

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Episode 26 – Dick on Santa  

Download the MP3 Blernsday and the 30-hour work week, BCC mistakes and the chamber of shame, Castro’s diaper, dating a Blackula, cowboy dick pics, the shitty Gildan T-shirts that Maddox sells in his store to make an extra buck, Tooth Fairy Truthers, The Rage Lottery: two men enter one man leaves, celebrities call in with … Continue reading "Episode 26 – Dick on Santa"

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Episode 25 – Dick on One Million Downloads  

Download the MP3 Thumb wars, liquor gravity, a terrifying mob of 20-year-old men, Team Snapchat, a Duck Tales revenge fantasy, the 200-pound hangover, a day in the life, goofy chip flavors, Denzel’s movie, Asterios’ shame, an open letter to your family this Thanksgiving, new t-shirts, a listener boxing match, I get slipped a Mickey, Sean’s … Continue reading "Episode 25 – Dick on One Million Downloads"

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Episode 24 – Dick on Gloating  

Download the MP3 I welcome our new Pepe overlords, peace and understanding in riots, Madcucks pitches his wares and doubles down for 2020, the Rage Board finally gets some rules, getting out of cars slowly, nightmares my face has caused, subscription personalities, how to win at identity politics, the future of Lettuce Jones, “People of … Continue reading "Episode 24 – Dick on Gloating"

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Episode 23 – Dick on Results  

Download the MP3 Spy vs. Spy with married guys, the results of The Great Debate, Never-ending stories and the storytellers who never-end them, putting Vaseline on your eyes, more dong talk, what to do with a cheating mom, a news babe comes in with some amazing shoes, Asterios rants while I get the door, fight … Continue reading "Episode 23 – Dick on Results"

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Episode 22 – Dick on Voting  

Download the MP3 DickTales, the curse of a home pool table, boob scams, a cross-eyed race car driver, ruined shorts, Sean wants to see my cock, cigar advice from Sean’s dad, Asterios lingers, leaked concession speeches, Tom Phillips comes home, Lettuce Jones goes to prison, a debate with the Sneaky Greek, gifts, gifts, gifts, and … Continue reading "Episode 22 – Dick on Voting"

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Dick on Asterios  

Download the MP3 The duality of man, a news babe, a listener fist fight, Halloween scams, scary erotic stories, Reddit backlash, adventures in misspelling in advertising, MadCucks’ new book, viral video school, Astorios Kokkitales from Asterios Kokkinos, and who is a Stalin? All this and more this week on The Dick Show! Smoking like a … Continue reading "Dick on Asterios"

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Episode 20 – Dick on Cernovich  

Download the MP3 The law, the Bone Zone, my inner monologue, Gorilla Mindset, real magic words, Cuck-mate, sucker-punching, red pills, blue pills, and black pills, the war on men, Carlos Slim, what is a defamation, Sean gets asked his name, Dustin attends a Trump rally, author and free-speech activist Mike Cernovich weighs in on the … Continue reading "Episode 20 – Dick on Cernovich"

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Episode 19 – Dick on San Francisco  

Download the MP3 I bully a bus, 837,000 things wrong with San Fransisco, the biggest Patreon in history, fat Halloween music, MadCucks calls in, a financial analyst finds discrepancies in the Biggest Problem accounting, music to rage too, Elon Musk tries to kill God, making erotic stories great again, the bro code, Trump’s locker room … Continue reading "Episode 19 – Dick on San Francisco"

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Episode 18 – Dick on Maddox  

Download the MP3 iOS 10, car seat adjustments, Persian racing rim upgrades, accidental heroes, my personal and professional reputation, why the Biggest Problem in the Universe ended, The Job Lynch Mob, Trump and I release our taxes, my faith in the UCB comedy scene is destroyed, Chump Syndrome, free speech; all that and more this … Continue reading "Episode 18 – Dick on Maddox"

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Episode 17 – Dick on Clegg  

Download the MP3 I accidentally share something, Joe Starr talks about winning an Emmy, I get a list of demands Black Lives Matters, Piss Whistlers, we play a round of Drunk, Sober, High with Jordan, David Clegg calls in to call everyone a liar, waut3rboi, my favorite quote, Maddox’s girlfriend doxxes Asterios; all this and … Continue reading "Episode 17 – Dick on Clegg"

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Episode 16 – Dick on School  

Download the MP3 Sean’s rates, the moment that changed my life forever, Pepe the frog, smelled-a-fart racism, peeing with your pants around your ankles, listening to your dick, AA is a suicide cult, “I’m safe”, how many downloads, Hot Goss and why I am the Joan Rivers of podcasting, things Sean has lost, a wrong … Continue reading "Episode 16 – Dick on School"

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Episode 15 – Dick on Bill Burr  

Download the MP3 The alchemy of a bender, Hillary Clinton halts and catches fire, the black vote, my life coach’s secret Twitter account, Bill Cosby’s Democracy in America, I learn what is an AA, Denzel’s dream body, my workout routine, my reaction to Bill Burr’s reaction to me and the ensuing inception, the media; all … Continue reading "Episode 15 – Dick on Bill Burr"

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Episode 15 – Dick on Bill Burr  

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The alchemy of a bender, Hillary Clinton halts and catches fire, the black vote, my life coach's secret Twitter account, Bill Cosby's Democracy in America, I learn what is an AA, Denzel's dream body, my workout routine, my reaction to Bill Burr's reaction to me and the ensuing inception, the media; all this and more this week on The Dick Show!

It's not every day that one of your favorite entertainers talks about you to shitloads of people--especially when that entertainer has made a career of eviscerating the degenerate, but that day is today on The Dick show. Bill Burr reacts to me on his podcast and in the spirit of contest, I listen to the whole thing live. Did I sign Bill Burr up for Sensible Chuckle Magazine? Or will I be invited to perform an elaborate but poetically fitting act of self-harm by the podfather of rage. Watch the drama unfold if you're a Dick Supporter on Patreon, or just listen to it and talk over it like we did.

If you want to tell Bill what you think, fire up your Twitter cannons and point them over yonder. Here's the clip we played on the show if you want to make sure I didn't fuck with it.

I recount my man's rocket-like ascension to the top of the Rage Board from Episode 14 while Denzel makes accusations of asterisks and performance enhancing drugs. Meanwhile, Sean correctly guesses the exact moment those drugs took hold. Here's a hint, it was right around the time someone started talking about an imaginary cat. Speaking of brain malfunctions...

I thought the most grating part of this election cycle would be Hillary Clinton's maniacal, man-hating cackle that makes me want to put a drill through the side of my head, but I was wrong, it's her Presenteeism: the act of showing up for work when you're too sick to function and endangering everyone around you. Trump doesn't need a new hairdo or a new campaign manager to beat this decrepit monster, he needs Abbott and Costello.

Denzel comes in hot with what makes him a rage: marijuana gun laws. I talk about The Happening and how Terminator 2: Judgement Day the arcade game has trained me to take on the National Guard, while Coach shows off his Rainman-esque knowledge of gun laws.

I discuss the adult time-out that is "That's the Joke". If you've ever seen the meme, you need to go to your room. Dustin Siniawa brings in some questions from Dickheads on Facebook and Denzel and I talk about our workout routines, pitting his Wendler 531 regimen against my 500 Days of Biceps. If you like doing math, try that Wendler shit out. If you like chicks going, "Damn. Do those arms go all the way up?" go for mine.

Finally, listener Lettuce Jones calls in with some insights into the show and the simple assertion that I need him as a co-host, something that I now leave up to all of you.

All that and more this week on The Dick Show!

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Episode 14 – Dick on Drugs  

Download the MP3 My man gets a fake marriage and then does too many drugs, I discover the world’s greatest pick-up line, a bike I stole gets stolen, we have several altercations with the angsty powers that be at Burning Man, Camp Furry, casual references to literary classics, the Trumpyx, and cucumbers are the devil’s … Continue reading "Episode 14 – Dick on Drugs"

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Episode 14 – Dick on Drugs  

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My man gets a fake marriage and then does too many drugs, I discover the world's greatest pick-up line, a bike I stole gets stolen, we have several altercations with the angsty powers that be at Burning Man, Camp Furry, casual references to literary classics, the Trumpyx, and cucumbers are the devil's ding-a-ling; all this and more on an all new Dick Show!

On too many drugs, he can build a 30-foot clock, he can argue about quantum mechanics, he can ride a bike, but can he co-host a podcast? You are the judge and the jury when my man is back and celebrating his nuptuals in Thompsonesque fashion, screaming about imaginary cats and watching an invisible game of pong on an overclocked Atari 2600.

If you don't straighten up your life, you'll end up doing a podcast in a van down by an Orgy Dome. That's what my high school guidance counsellor used to tell me and apparently he was right because that's where hot, hot number 14 was recorded. Today's episode is brought to you by the letters O and G. As in Oh, Gee, how many piercings does that guy across the street have in his dick while I'm trying to talk about Dante's Inferno?

This episode starts with big news as the trilogy of my man and his romantic entanglements ends with a wedding under a giant broken clock in the middle of the desert. I talk about my man's unlicensed marriage and apologize for my role in this love story plucked straight out of a country song: the vows written on paper plates, taking a bottle of Jack Daniels across the face for the woman you love, a Midnight Express amount of drugs enough to sustain a 40-hour honeymoon bender--see if you can guess the moment they take hold of him.

I talk about Burning Man--summer camp for the over-privileged and the degenerate and run by a collection of Mad Max wanna be's with more daddy issues than a strip club on Christmas morning, who call themselves The DPW. Wearing a badge turns half of people into tyrants. The other half didn't need the badge to begin with because it doesn't mean anything. They actually have value. We also discover that sexual deviancy is a genetic marker that appears in tandem with engineering genius, or at least that's what we're left to believe after visiting the halcyon ghost town of Camp Furry. Apparently the 500 degree fur suits aren't indicative of insanity, they're a marker of drive.

A great deal of soul searching and journeying goes on every year at Burning Man. Most of those journeys end with some weirdo in a shitty tent pretending to be your mom and apologizing for not loving you enough while they glue fake jewels to your forehead and grease you down for the up-sale, but one of those journeys end in the world's greatest pickup line, of which I now pass on to all of you. Use it, get back to me.

We'll be back next week with a double feature bonus episode starring Denzel, the reigning champion and everyone's favorite ho-host, and my life coach who I'm trying to get on the board. See you next Tuesday!

Source:
Guy on bike

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Episode 13 – Dick on Fat Rock  

Download the MP3 I have a piss fiasco and try to push the borders of mansplaining, Sean discusses awkward, Dr. Fakeman calls in with an update on Hillary Clinton’s health, I bring in the actual biggest problem in the universe, my man calls in from the desert, I send a call out to fellow fingernail … Continue reading "Episode 13 – Dick on Fat Rock"

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Episode 13 – Dick on Fat Rock  

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I'm posting this from Burning Man with no post content just in case my connection gets fucky. Check out the site for the full post.

Source
Urinal

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Episode 12 – Dick on Hunks  

Download the MP3 Our audio problems are fixed forever, Dick Supporters on Patreon.com have a new enhanced video feed, my Life Coach stops by and doesn’t plug his Twitter, Marc Maron gets triggered, I why Maddox is now giving away the Biggest Problem Bonus Episodes, a New Challenger emerges from reddit, Dustin digs himself out … Continue reading "Episode 12 – Dick on Hunks"

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Episode 12 – Dick on Hunks  

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Our audio problems are fixed forever, Dick Supporters on Patreon.com have a new enhanced video feed, my Life Coach stops by and doesn't plug his Twitter, Marc Maron gets triggered, I why Maddox is now giving away the Biggest Problem Bonus Episodes, a New Challenger emerges from reddit, Dustin digs himself out of a hole, and I talk about Mike Tyson, God, and my hand being accosted by a man's hoodie at a Trailer Park Boys show. All this and more this week on The Dick Show!

Did you know most Americans suffer family tragedies every day of the week? If you've ever tried to hire anyone, you know this to be true. It's a devastating epidemic that needs the attention of our leaders. But first...

The Dick Show's beef with Marc Maron has reached new heights of rancor and vitriol and explodes spectacularly! The man with the mug and Obama's WTF-BFF has become so incensed with Dick Show listeners, that he's e-stuttering in rage! You know you've pissed someone off when they're making typos. That's internet-iquette 101. If you make a typo, your argument is invalid. Here is the beef as it unfolded.

.@dickmasterson Tried to help @marcmaron a few months ago. He refused to listen or believe anyone deserves better. pic.twitter.com/Mj6Kt3nCul— Daniel David Larson (@D4NDL) August 19, 2016

@shan9ne @dickmasterson great. Should be pproud. Child.— marc maron (@marcmaron) August 18, 2016

@dickmasterson I over did it pic.twitter.com/MmCWDePiLJ— Biggie Talls (@shan9ne) August 23, 2016

You sure did. Speaking of being blocked on Twitter...

What is 50% of zero? It can't be zero, can it? I ask because Maddox has decided to give away all Bonus Episodes of The Biggest Problem in the Universe and my cut is now 50% of zero. I kid. But I have come to realize that Maddox's principles are like my ideal libertarian government. They're so small, you can barely see them--or they don't actually exist except in theory and you need some sort of extreme cognitive dissonance to pretend they exist in practice. The metaphor still holds up! I wonder what to do about it. Hopefully, listeners have better suggestions than my Life Coach.

Sovash, a man who claims to speak for all of The Dick Show on reddit, calls in to air his grievances surrounding Dustin and also to hold me to task for several of my Dick Show campaign promises, namely the promise of hiring a "News Babe" to read the news and I don't mean Sean. I make a number of excuses and discuss my thoughts on beautiful women in Los Angeles in general. Next week, I'll read the Craigslist ad I posted to lure in a young ingenue and you guys can tell me where I fucked up.

Listener Derek Gooley sends Sean a gift to solve his audio issues. It must have worked because we didn't change anything else and this show went off without a hitch. I'll post a picture of it when I find my phone.

See you next Tuesday!

Sources:
Hoodie

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