The feeling brain and the logical brain is an invisible tug of war inside your head that can drive you into a rollercoaster of emotions. In today's episode, you'll learn how you can break this situation that you may be in now and if not, then help you avoid it from happening.
Dr Halweg: Welcome back in the nation. My name is Dr. Garrett Halweg at the Amen Clinics in Costa Mesa. As you know, this is Ms. Parker. She's our therapy dog. We have a special friend today. This is [Aja 00:00:15], she is the Director of our Ancillary Services. What's an ancillary service? It's things like TMS, trans-cranial magnetic stimulation or hyperbaric oxygen therapy. Ask her for questions about those things. Our topic today, do you suffer from the potion of emotion? Do you know anyone in a bad relationship? Maybe you're in a bad relationship. That bad boy that you just can't avoid but you know it's not good for you.
Let me tell you what's going on in your brain. The brain is in a battle with itself. On the one side, you've got the feeling brain. This is the emotional area. This is the limbic system, the amygdala. It's the area where you feel. On the other hand, you have the logical brain. The thinking brain. This is the cortex, the outside, the pre-frontal cortex. The area that's responsible for thinking. On the one side, I want a certain thing. On the other side, I know what I need. I want chocolate molten lava cake. I need fish, vegetables, legumes, for a healthy brain and body.
I want to drive 90 miles per hour. I need to follow the law. I feel in love with someone but I know they aren't good for me. I know they treat me really poorly. I want to explain that potion of emotion that keeps us in the fog. We've got to break through to logic. How do we do that? What makes us cross these boundaries is our desires, our feelings. Boundaries is what corks the bottle for the potion of emotion. Let's look at how this begins. It begins very early. Think about babies. Babies are full of curiosity. They explore their surroundings but parents are there to say, "Hey, don't touch that stove. You're going to get burned."
Teenage boys. Teenage boys are filled with passion and their girlfriends are there to say, "No, no, no." Mothers. Mothers might feel lonely. They might unexpectedly visit their daughter at college. The mother of all, the mother of all of them is pride. It's the opposite of the feeling of humility. It's that feeling, the rules don't apply to me. It's like, "Hey, what I want matters the most. Above all. Above what's good for me or what's good for everyone else around me." Many people describe it like, "There's a devil on my shoulder," or there's a good angel, there's a bad angel. This war where they're talking in each of your ear and trying to get you to do something.
Let's talk about how to break that. Boundaries. What are boundaries? How do we set healthy boundaries? Boundaries in essence are just rules. They keep us safe. How do they keep us safe? How do we set healthy boundaries? When we violate these boundaries, we can expect that they cause discord and chaos. Broken relationships. When we follow these boundaries, we can expect mutual respect. Mutual love. Harmony. Closeness. The Ten Commandments are an example of boundaries. They allow us to live in community with closeness and harmony.
I'm going to give you four quick steps on how to set a healthy boundary. Number one, clearly state the boundary. Mom comes in and says, "Family, no cell phones at dinner." She's got that really good look when you know she means it. Number two. Number two is when there is a violation of the boundary, make sure there is a consequence. Your son comes to dinner and he's got his cell phone. You're like, "Hey, give me your cell phone. You lose the privilege of your cell phone for one day." Number three. Number three, avoid hypocrisy. Dad comes to the dinner table. He's like, "Oh, I, I, I just have to fit, I, I, I ... This is really important. I have to return this email to my boss. I, I just ... " It erodes the boundary because he's sending a mixed signal.
He's sending a mixed message to the family that says, "This doesn't really apply to me." Number four. Make sure to express the benefits of a healthy boundary and how it's helping, "Hey, I really enjoy our family dinners without cell phones." What is the number one reason why boundaries fail? It is this. Lack of consistent reinforcement. Imagine for a moment how fast people would drive on the freeway if there were no cops to enforce the speed limit. In summary, boundaries are what keep us safe. They help us create environments to grow healthy relationships. If you want to win the battle that's waging in your brain between emotion and logic, give me a call. My name is Dr. Garrett Halweg at the Costa Mesa Amen Clinic. Also, if you have something you want to talk about, tell me in the comments below. Bye for now.