Episodes
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Have you ever felt like everybody had to be OK with anything you did? One of the traits I carried into adulthood from growing up in an alcoholic family was constantly seeking approval for my actions.
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Has it ever seemed like you are numb to the events in your world? It has for me. When I was 8 my grandfather died, and the family acted as if nothing happened, and I felt no sadness or emotions about it. I had learned to stuff my feelings, and carried that into my adult life.
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Missing episodes?
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Have you ever felt like a little kid in an adult world? Remember the movie Big, with Tom Hanks? I was in an adult body, but in many ways I was still 13 year old Josh Baskin, sitting in a dumpy motel room in New York City, scared to death.
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Have you ever felt like you're responsible for everything that happens? Whatever is going on - somehow, it is your fault? You are to blame.
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Isolation is one of the most damaging effects of growing up in an alcoholic household. Like many adult children of alcoholics, I had this trait.
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Has it ever seemed like there were chunks of your childhood you just couldn't remember? I know most people have things they have forgotten, but what I'm talking about is where there might be blank spaces in your past.
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I decide in my early '20s the one thing I wanted most in life was not to be like my Dad. Then I realized with a shock I had become just like my Father.
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Has it ever felt like you give up easily if something doesn't seem to be working out? I discovered that for me, it was connected to being put down or humiliated when I successfully completed a project as a child.
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Have you ever felt like you were so caught up in analyzing problems that you were immobilized? Stewing over problems without deciding was a way not to take a risk, and I had to learn to work on problems differently in order to actually solve them.
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Have you ever wondered what was normal in a certain situation. I often have, because in my household growing up, there were very few stable patterns of behavior - everything was unpredictable.
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Yes, no, black or white, for me or against me. Any of that sound familiar? Either you agreed with me, or I would have to make you a bad person in my mind to defend my position. I have learned to respect the opinions of others, and sometimes "agree to disagree."
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Have you ever found yourself lying about something when there was really no reason to do so? As a child, if I admitted to anything, it could lead to a negative and painful consequence. I learned to always deny knowing anything.
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Have you ever found yourself defending someone who is taking advantage of you? I had a friend who would call every time he needed some help with his house. But he was never around when I needed something. I had to decide my time was worth more than that.
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Has it ever felt like you struggled to finish things - an assignment at work, a fixit project at home? As a child, I learned that things just never got finished where you could enjoy them. I continued that logic into adulthood.
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Is there something inside you that makes you sense that if you talk about what's going on with you, it will lead to bad things? I had to learn all over how to talk about what happened and what was happening, and how I felt about it.
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Do you ever let people get close, and then it feels like they're too close, and you push them away? I would even create fights with someone after we'd gotten close. I had to realize that not everyone was dangerous and threatening.
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Have you ever felt like you were out of step with the world around you? I remember being at a church retreat with 70 people, and here I was, somehow separated and different from the others in the group.
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Have you ever been told you're controlling? I was told that, and didn't like it, but as I started looking at how I was living in my world, I discovered it was true. I was trying to control today's events like I couldn't control the alcoholic family of my teenage years.
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Have you ever been told you overreact to things? I've heard that a lot, because things that happened in my world all seemed out of proportion or scarier than they actually were.
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Have you ever felt like you can't tell people who you really are? In my case, I couldn't because I didn't know who I was. And I was afraid if people discovered how I really was, they wouldn't like me.
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