Episodes
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This episode talks about emotional flashbacks and we go over Pete Walkers 13 steps of what to do when you have an emotional flashback
Emotional flashbacks are intense emotional states activated by past trauma (e.g., fear, shame, or feeling unsafe).
Emotional flashbacks may be hard to recognize. They can happen suddenly and it can be hard to pinpoint what caused them.
Emotional flashbacks are not typically visual or auditory. This means they can be harder to detect, and you may not know that what you’re experiencing is an emotional flashback. You might blame yourself for these feelings or think that you’re overwhelmed or emotionally dysregulated for another reason.
Psychotherapist Pete Walker who talks about this a lot says “Emotional flashbacks are sudden and often prolonged regressions (‘amygdala hijackings’) to the frightening circumstances of childhood. They are typically experienced as intense and confusing episodes of fear and/or despair – or as sorrowful and/or enraged reactions to this fear and despair.”
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This exercise is a great exercise if you are thinking about going on a healing journey or your already in one but are feeling stagnant or stuck plateaued.
Its a very simple exercise that helps you look at what does the future hold if you DO change and heal and what will it take. It also looks at the flip side, what are the hard parts of change and healing and where will we self-sabotage our own efforts and stand in our own way even though we do WANT healing.
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Episodes manquant?
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This episode goes through 3 worksheets to help you know your own nervous system.
The first is a personal profile map helping you understand how Fight, Flight, Freeze AND regulation shows up in your body, thoughts, feelings & behaviours
The second is a Triggers and Glimmers worksheet that helps you know what triggers you OUT of your window of tolerance and glimmers that move you BACK into regulation.
The third is a worksheet that helps you understand what can you do alone aka self-regulation and where do you need more support aka co-regulation
These worksheets are so valuable to help you on your healing journey and in your day to day life. If you try any of the exercises from this season, this would be the top one to do! -
This weeks healing exercise: Write your life story from your Inner Child’s Perspective
This exercise can be stand alone or piggy back off of last
week’s episode of doing a Life Timeline.
This is an exercise to begin to work with different ‘parts’ of ourselves. The part for this exercise is our Inner Child.
This exercise can help us not only piece together what has happened in our life and what could be impacting us, but also the uncover the emotions behind it and see where some unprocessed stuff might be. -
A life time line is a tool to help us organize all the experiences we've had in our life and give us a starting point for what to work on in our healing.
It can help us see why some experiences impacted us more because of other things we had going on or happening at that same time.
It gives us a birds eye view of our life and can be a helpful tool to use in our therapy or coaching sessions
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This week's episode is about creating a safety plan for yourself. Even if you never use it, it can be so beneficial to have this because we really cant predict whats going to happen in our lives and its better to be safe than sorry.
In the episode, we walk through 4 simple steps to have in our safety plan to keep it simple but effective.
Check out my social media to get a visual look at this safety plan!
https://www.instagram.com/healwith_danielleelizabeth/
https://www.facebook.com/Danielleelizabethcoaching/
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This was an exercise I learned from my counsellor in the depths of my own healing journey, she called it inner healing prayer.
In this episode I go over two different ways to do this.
The first is to use the exercise to invite Jesus into past trauma's and wounded areas.
The second is to use it to help in day to day experiences that happen in real time.
Either way, this is a powerful way to bring Jesus into your healing journey.
If you try this exercise, I would LOVE to hear how it went so please feel free to share any stories with me!
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A genogram is an important tool for self-awareness, personal development, and relationship development. It can reveal how a person’s experiences today make sense in the larger context of their family-of-origin and past experiences.
A genogram can give you insight into the many different things that have happened in your family, such as negative family dynamics and family struggles, like divorce, death, and broken relationships. It also can help you understand why these things might have happened.
Sometimes more insidious traits can be passed through generations. Sometimes there's a genetic predisposition to addiction or depression. Other times, unhealthy ways of thinking and behaving are passed down socially, through example
Genograms provide a way for us to examine these patterns. They bring a family's strengths and weaknesses out into the open. Genograms set the foundation for nurturing generational strengths and overcoming weaknesses.
Great Article about Genograms:
https://www.olivemecounseling.com/blog/genogram
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The trauma egg is a great tool to utilize to help gather information about things you've experienced and insight into your upbringing. In this episode I go through the process of completing the trauma egg and why each part of it is important for our healing journey
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This episode I share 3 external tools I use to help with my anxiety.
*None of these are paid ad's or products where I get anything from so this isnt a sales pitch, I truly use these tools on a regular basis and want to share my experience with each for you.
The first is loop earplugs. These have been lifesavers for me as a busy mom of 4 who gets unbelievably overstimulated by noise. I get very angry and have bad mom rage when Im triggered by noise so I live in these most of the day and they have changed my life forever. I had no idea noise was such a trigger for me until I found these and saw the difference they have made.
The second is the Calmigo. It is a little device that helps regulate your breathing when you are starting to escalate. My kids love this more than I do now and reach for it regularly when they are dysregulated.
The third is a new device Ive started to use called the CalmCarry. I dont fully understand how it works so this is more me explaining how its helping me versus explaining how it works, all I know is it does work! I got it to help with my sleep and Ive been pleasantly surprised with how much its helping. Ive started using it during the day as well to help with anxiety and overwhelm and it helps during the day too! I also have found it very helpful while I travel because I am not a good flyer and used this on my last few flights and it helped!
Links to each product:
Loop Earplug
https://community.loopearplugs.com/s/danielle.f.22
Calmigo
https://calmigo.com/products/2020-calmigo-smart-calming-companion?variant=40247577247826
CalmCarry
https://www.theglowcompany.co/
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Todays episode is a vulnerable one. I am joined by my husband Lorne to share our story publicly for the first time ever.
Our story has a lot in it that you don't see on social media. We lived for years and years in a toxic dynamic that eventually led to a 10 month separation. Our story has every thing you could possibly imagine in it: addiction, abuse, toxic dysfunction, codependency and more. During our separation, we had to truly let our old relationship die so that if we could get to a point to rebuild, it would be on a new solid foundation.
We share our story for a few reasons.
One to help any couple sitting where we were sitting; to give hope that there is a different way but that it is not easy. It takes an unbelievable amount of work to unlearn patterns of behaviour and rebuild on a new foundation, and even though its possible, not every person is willing to humble themselves to do that inner work required.
We also share it as a testimony of what God can do. Trying to save this marriage alone, we would be divorced by now...it is by HIS healing and HIS work in our situation, why we are standing together after all this time. He deserves and gets all the credit for this story.Lastly, we dont share this from a place of perfection. We are deep in the rebuilding process and it is MESSY. Its not as easy to say 'okay we will stop all these behaviours and patterns that created this dysfunctional dynamic' No, they are ingrained and require hard work, time and lots of trying and failing to get to the other side. So this is not a story of 'being on the other side' but from a place of continuously doing the work to rebuild. Yes we felt we were in a place to start talking about it but by no means are we living a perfect marriage now, we are living a much healthier one with a lot of support and accountability to be able to share it now.
Thank you for allowing us to be vulnerable and share our story.
If this episode resonates with you, I would love to hear from you on any of the platforms below
Instagram: @thedanielleelizabeth
Facebook: Danielle Elizabeth
Email: [email protected]
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This episode is the last in the series about The Rebuild, my signature program which is a step-by-step guide for the healing journey as a Christian women.
This last section is all about our Identity, as a Child of God and how we learn to stand in that and have access to the same power that rose Jesus from the grave.
We always look at in this section, who we think we are vs who we truly are between our self concept and our identity.
We look at how can we learn to love ourselves and got get caught up in the overly promoted 'self love' trap that begins to contradict our faith. Jesus doesnt want us to hate ourselves, so how to we love ourselves and still deny ourselves?
The last thing we look at is learning how to have self-confidence and show up for ourselves
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This episode looks at the 2 last walls of the Framing section of The Rebuild, my signature program helping you tear down the lies, messages and faulty beliefs and rebuild on a solid foundation with Jesus.
We look at Regulating our emotions, the importance of naming our emotions and learning how to feel our feelings without getting triggered and shutting down.
We also look at the wall of Resources and how we can make actions plans and connections plans for our new emotionally, mentally and spiritually healthy life.
The last thing I share about is the meat of The Rebuild program which is 'The Healing Exercise' which is an exercise I have created to incorporate many healing and trauma recovery modalities to give a tangible way to 'do' your healing -
When we are healing, our relationships are a huge part of this journey. Our healing impacts our current relationships as we change who we are in our healing, which changes how we show up in relationships and what we tolerate as well. In this episode we talk about the core trainings in this section of the Framing part of the The Rebuild Program
-Love Systems
-The Drama Triangle and healing into The Empowerment Triangle
-Trauma Bonds
-Codependency
-Boundaries and Bottom Lines -
This episode is about Reparenting, one of the walls of the Frame section of The Rebuild.
Reparenting is a model of healing where we show up as the parent they never had. From a secular perspective, we are the parent but as Christian and integrating our faith, we also invite Jesus in to be the perfect parent with us. We still show up and are apart of our healing and this process however we work as a team with him.
A common misconception is that we have to reparent ourselves because our parents were horrible and failed us miserably. That is the case for some, but not all. Some of us had parents who did the best they could YET we were still impacted by things. Two things can be true at the same time and just because you need to do some reparenting work, does not mean you need to cut off your parents.
Other wording for this phase can be 'Parts Work' and an amazing modality is Internal Family Systems. Another way to say this is 'Separation Therapy' where we tease apart the different parts of ourselves and work 1-1 with them and then re-integrate them all back.
The different parts we work with in this reparenting phase are: Inner, Outer, Adult Self & God
If you need more support than you have, reach out today..I would love to support you on this journey!
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Now we're rebuilding and in the rebuilding process we have to have a solid foundation and so have the footings which is our relationship with Jesus and our and how important that is and then these footings are going to be the foundation and the foundation like we've learned is the this solid foundation that really holds up the rest of the structure right it holds up the whole house, you build walls on top of that and put a roof on top of it you put all the bedrooms and all of the things in a house in on top of this Foundation.
It needs to be so Rock Solid so that the house doesn't fall down and or the weight doesn't become too much okay and so we're talking about that using this metaphor but think about this also from an emotional level right all of this stuff on top all the heaviness, the stress, the messiness of life... we need it to be on a solid foundation.
This episode is about what this Foundation stage has in it what it looks like and it go it's going to seem very simple but they're foundational things how I came up with this list of things. There's been a lot of research on what are the pillars of mental health what is like for what does everybody need and so all these researchers took all this information and put it together and they've kind of concluded that these are and I've added a few that I think are super important to but these are the things that we need to be mentally and emotionally healthy.
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The next phase that we're looking at in this rebuild process is restoration.
Now we've excavated, we've removed all the debris, and before we rebuild, we wanna restore what was good. Not all of our story is bad. We don't have just trauma only, and so we wanna restore things that are good and what that looks like in a healing journey is.Resolving wounds that we've had bring healing into our wounds. Really understanding our emotional needs, how to get our needs met in healthy ways. Another really, really important piece of the restoration process is forgiveness. And this does not mean restoration of relationships that you do not want in your life, but this forgiveness, being able to let go and move forward in your life is super, super important.
Another thing we look at in this phase is bringing Jesus into it, inner healing prayer. Bringing Jesus in to be the one who heals those wounds. Bringing him into the process and inviting him in is one of the most powerful things that we can. In all of our healing, but especially in this phase.
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So the next phase of the rebuild we're gonna talk about is the debris removal. If you think about when you're excavating, you'd be excavating all these rocks, all this dirt, and then all this stuff is kind of exposed at that point. And sometimes when you're actually excavating in real life, you hit bedrock.
And you have to blast that bedrock so that you can get, be beneath it. And so then you have to remove all this debris.
So what does that look like in a healing journey? So it looks like removing the toxic shame systems that are at play, it looks like.
Grief, grieving the childhood that you didn't have, grieving the things that happened, maybe even grieving the parents that you didn't have. Grief is such an integral part of our healing journey.
And then another aspect of this is deliverance. There is a huge spiritual aspect to our healing and to our wounds, and sometimes we actually need to attack it from a spiritual perspective as well.
So that is what some of the things we're gonna look at in the debris removal phase.
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Have you ever been watching one of those home builder shows and It's time to tear everything down to make way for the new project? At some point, after some inevitable playful banter with hammers, it’s time to put hammer to wall. Or in our case, it’s time to put the excavator to concrete slab and get rid of the existing foundation to make way for a newer, more functional rebuild.
The first step in The Rebuild process is to tear it all down. You may be thinking this sounds counterintuitive but it’s important to have a solid foundation. We can’t have a solid foundation if we’re building on top of existing emotional wounds, or unhealthiness or dysfunctional toxic behaviours. You have been struggling. It’s time to tear down these old thought patterns and start fresh.
The 3 main phases of our excavation process are to: uncover underlying beliefs and thought patterns, consider intergenerational trauma, and identify your attachment style.
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This episode looks at the two first important phases of The Rebuilding process
Your Toolbox : Looking at different tools and strategies to regulate your nervous system!
Your Safety Plan: Creating a safety plan so you know what you are going to do if things get hard!
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