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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On this episode, we answer the following questions:
My husband is in a Pure Desire group but does the bare minimum. He says he’s sober and offended that I don’t trust him. He says he will always resent me for asking for a polygraph. Should my husband’s attitude toward me change with recovery?Is it an unrealistic expectation that my husband wouldn't fantasize about other women?Will my husband always be a sex addict and want his addiction more than me?Listen Now!
Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos
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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On this episode, we answer the following questions:
How do I process my own betrayal from his porn addiction and abusing my daughters and their friends?How do I reconcile with my daughter, who was sexually abused by her dad, whom I'm still married to?We have not resumed anything sexual, hardly even touching, as we work with a coach on building intimacy emotionally and spiritually in our relationship. I realized recently that I feel like it will be betraying my daughters to enter a sexual relationship with my husband again. Is it possible to recover and heal from all of this?Resources:Full Episode on Youtube
Betrayal & Beyond
Unraveled: Managing Love, Sex, and Relationships
Authentically You
Free Counseling Consultation
Seven Pillars
Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
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Follow us on X (Twitter)
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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On this episode, we answer the following questions:
I’m in a Betrayal & Beyond group and my husband is in a Seven Pillars group. We are working through this painful process. I’m curious about what specifically men are seeking out that they are not being provided with by their partners? Are we talking about specific acts, positions, role playing? I would love to understand what makes pornography better than me. Part of my addicted spouse’s acting out is using me for sex. When it appears he’s doing work, and sex is back in the picture, he goes to cruise control and stops doing his recovery work. Then I feel unsafe and uncared for and used, and he gets upset, and the cycle starts all over again. What would you advise?Although my husband is not engaging in porn or masturbation, he does engage in “flashes” and fantasy while having sex with me. He says this is not breaking his sobriety, and according to our counselor it is. I feel violated, used, and betrayed. Can you help me understand more about the issues of “flashes” and fantasy?Resources:Full Episode On Youtube
Betrayal & Beyond
Unraveled: Managing Love, Sex, and Relationships
Authentically You
Seven Pillars
Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On this episode, we answer the following questions:
When my husband's secret affair life was exposed, I felt like I had to have sex all of the time to keep him from cheating. Now, he doesn't know how to have sex (or true intimacy) because sex was always "done to him." How do we work through all of this?How do I deal with my husband not being sexually interested in me?My husband is doing well with his recovery, but I can't get past feeling violated and having attacks on my mind during sex. What should I do?Resources:Pure Desire Podcast For Sex During Recovery
Peace Beyond The Tears
Full Episode On Youtube
Betrayal & Beyond
Unraveled: Managing Love, Sex, and Relationships
Authentically You
Seven Pillars
Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us on X (Twitter)
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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On this episode, we answer the following questions:
I'm the only one in my group whose husband is not working on recovery or counseling of any kind. How do I navigate this, not manipulate or give ultimatums, and keep myself safe as I engage in this healing process alone?For me to feel safe and start rebuilding trust, I’ve asked to see my husband’s emails, but he refuses. He won’t join a men’s recovery group. I don’t know how to deal with this. Am I being unreasonable? I keep thinking something else is coming.After years of deception, affairs, porn use, and who knows what, I finally had my breaking point. He was willing to walk away rather than work through it. He could never tell me why. I struggle every day with the why's… And I struggle in support groups because so many are still together, working through it together. Is there such a thing as unresolved betrayal trauma? How do I heal without all the answers?Resources:Full Episode On Youtube
Betrayal & Beyond
Unraveled: Managing Love, Sex, and Relationships
Authentically You
Seven Pillars
Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us on X (Twitter)
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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk About Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. In this episode, we answer these questions:
As a parent in recovery, how do I start the conversation about sexual health with my kids?Is there anything about a teen brain that is different from an adult when it comes to struggling sexually or emotionally?How can I help my kids who struggle? (not just boys, but girls struggle too)ResourcesFull Episode On Youtube
Betrayal & Beyond
Unraveled: Managing Love, Sex, and Relationships
Authentically You
Seven Pillars
Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us on X (Twitter)
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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On this episode, we answer the following questions:
As a parent in recovery, how do I start the conversation about sexual health with my kids?Is there anything about a teen brain that is different from an adult when it comes to struggling sexually or emotionally?How can I help my kids who struggle?ResourcesFull Episode On Youtube
Betrayal & Beyond
Unraveled: Managing Love, Sex, and Relationships
Authentically You
Seven Pillars
Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us on X (Twitter)
-
Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. In this episode, we answer these questions:
If we struggle with addictions, why can’t we just quit cold-turkey? How long will it take to fully recover from addictive behaviors?How can the Three Circles tool help?ResourcesFull Episode On Youtube
Betrayal & Beyond
Unraveled: Managing Love, Sex, and Relationships
Authentically You
Seven Pillars
Three Circles Tool
Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us on X (Twitter)
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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On this episode, we answer these questions:
I went to my church for help and left feeling more confused and ashamed. What should I do now?If I’m a woman who struggles, how do I know if I can go to my church for help? What can churches do to create safe environments for women who need help whether it's their own sexual struggles or betrayal from someone else?If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at [email protected]. We can’t wait to hear from you!
ResourcesFull Episode On Youtube
Betrayal & Beyond
Unraveled: Managing Love, Sex, and Relationships
Authentically You
Seven Pillars
Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us on X (Twitter)
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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex & Love, with Ashley and Heather. On this episode, we answer these questions:
I relapsed last weekend and feel so much shame. How do I pick myself up off the floor?Who do I tell about my relapse?What tools can I use to get back to restoration?If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at [email protected] or simply reply to this email. We can’t wait to hear from you!
ResourcesFull Episode On Youtube
(All tools are free on our website - https://puredesire.org/tools/ )
FASTER Scale
Crash Site Analysis
Recovery Action Plan
Three Circles
Betrayal & Beyond
Unraveled: Managing Love, Sex, and Relationships
Authentically You
Seven Pillars
Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us on X (Twitter)
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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On this episode, we answer the following questions:
Everyone thinks he’s the ideal husband, but I’m miserable. Where do I find help if nobody sees the problem?Why is it so hard to walk away from someone causing me pain?My husband and I are in counseling, and the counselor thinks I’m the one overreacting. What can I do?If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at [email protected]. We can’t wait to hear from you!
ResourcesFull Episode On Youtube
Betrayal & Beyond
Unraveled: Managing Love, Sex, and Relationships
Authentically You
Seven Pillars
Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us on X (Twitter)
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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex & Love, with Ashley and Heather.
In this episode, we answer these questions:
How much do I share with my kids?If I tell people about my struggles, will I look like a bad mom? How do I avoid hurting my kids while I’m recovering? Will I be able to raise secure kids when I’m such a mess?If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at [email protected]. We can’t wait to hear from you!
ResourcesFull Episode On YouTube
Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us on X (Twitter)
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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
In this episode, we answer these questions:
Since discovery, I can’t seem to function like I did before. I’m crying one minute and angry the next. How long will this last?As a betrayed mom, what steps can I take to begin healing and ensure I don’t take out my pain on my kids?How much do I share with my kids?P.S. If you have a question you’d like us to answer on Unfiltered, email us at [email protected]. We can’t wait to hear from you!
ResourcesFull Episode on YouTube
Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us on X (Twitter)
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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On this episode, we answer these questions:
What does it mean to be sexually healthy as a single?What type of boundaries should I have for dating?I’ve heard of the “love cocktail” of chemicals people experience when falling in love. Can a person actually experience withdrawals from feeling in love?ResourcesFull Episode on YouTube
Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us on X (Twitter)
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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
In this episode, we answer these questions:
What comes first: thoughts, feelings, or behaviors?I grew up in a home where we didn’t talk about feelings. How can I learn more about feelings, so I can teach my kids about feelings?I struggle with talking about feelings, especially to my husband. What can I do to get better at communicating my feelings?ResourcesFull Episode on YouTube
Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us on X (Twitter)
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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
In this episode, we answer these questions:
I could go the rest of my life without sex. Is this normal?My husband is sexually anorexic. What does this say about me?Does the Bible really tell us we can’t withhold sex from our husbands?ResourcesThe Great Sex Rescue, by Sheila Wray Gregoire
Betrayal & Beyond
Full Episode on YouTube
Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us on X (Twitter)
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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather.
On this episode, we answer the following questions:
I’m five days post disclosure and I’m clueless how to handle this. How should I feel? Can I sleep with my husband if I want and be so angry and hurt at the same time? It’s a weird place to be. He didn’t have an affair but lots of acting out online in chat rooms, fantasy too. I think I’m still numb, is that normal? I’m also a therapist so I feel like I know the answers to these questions but it's different when you are on this side of the fence. a little. maybe a lot, I dunno. Does that help?Why do things like violent sex scenes and nude women arouse me?We are trying to recover from my husband's SA [Sex Addiction]. He is getting counseling and I know our intimacy needs to be restored one day at a time. Is it wrong within our marriage for him to say explicit words to me? I feel like he's trying to make me feel safe but at the same time these words trigger me.ResourcesFull Episode on YouTube
Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us on X (Twitter)
-
Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. In this episode, we answer these questions:
I’m in a Betrayal & Beyond group and it’s teaching me so much about emotional awareness and health. My husband is in a Seven Pillars group and he’s not learning anything about emotional health or betrayal trauma? Why is this?When/How will my husband learn to be empathetic and take responsibility for the pain he’s caused me, if it’s not in the Seven Pillars work?My husband has been in group for months and I’m not seeing any changes in his attitude or behaviors. Can I talk to his group leader to find out if he’s actually doing the work?Show notes:
Help Her Heal, by Carol Juergensen Sheets
Help Them Heal, by Carol Juergensen Sheets
Worthy of Her Trust, by Stephen Arterburn
Pure Desire Counseling
Betrayal & Beyond (Women's Betrayal Resource)
Seven Pillars of Freedom (Men's Recovery Resource)
The Compassionate Warrior (Men's Recovery Resource)
ResourcesFull Episode on YouTube
Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us on X (Twitter)
-
Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. In this episode, we answer these questions:
Can my husband rape me?Can I say no to my husband?I feel disconnected when we don't have sex, but when I have sex with my husband I feel used. What can I do to change this pattern?ResourcesFull Episode on YouTube
Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us on X (Twitter)
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Thanks for listening to Unfiltered: Real Talk about Sex and Love, with Ashley and Heather. On this episode, we answer these questions:
My question is how do you know if you are actually having an orgasm?I don’t know that I have ever enjoyed sex. I can orgasm but I don’t know how to wake my body up. Sex was shamed in my Christian home then I was supposed to enjoy it after marriage but for so long, sex was used as a tool when my husband was in his addiction. We are doing so much better, relationally, after PD but I don’t know how to start liking sex.How are the brain and orgasm connected?ResourcesFull Episode on YouTube
Find this and all episodes on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@_UnfilteredPodcast/videos
GET STARTED
Free eBook: 7 Keys To Understanding Betrayal Trauma
Free eBook: 5 Steps to Freedom From Porn
Schedule Your Free 15-Minute Counseling Consultation
Join A Pure Desire Online Group
SOCIALS
Follow us on Facebook
Follow us on Instagram
Follow us on X (Twitter)
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