Episodes
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Oh yes! Oh no! It's the holiday season once again! Individuals in the LGBTQIA+ community experience unique stressors during the holiday season. Queer/coming out coaches Anne-Marie Zanzal and Barbara Rowlandson have a lively discussion about strategies for coping with family, friends, and life changes during the holiday season. This is an especially good episode for anyone who is coming out or newly out!
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What does it mean to hide? How does hiding effect us and the people around us? This week's podcast could be considered an expert on hiding. Author Karen Solt, a lesbian, made her career in the United States navy which spanned over the "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" years (1993-2011). A middle child with alcoholic parents, Karen's youth was a wild one, where she hid, started drinking at age 9-10, and generally underachieved to stay below the radar. After high school, Karen was tricked into joining the navy by an unscrupulous recruitment officer. Karen found structure in the navy, became sober, made chief after 11 years, and spent the entirety of her career hiding her sexuality. When she retired, Karen found that she couldn't hide behind the uniform any longer, and thus began her journey of learning, healing, and being seen.
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Missing episodes?
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Poet, lyricist, celebrated vintage/antiques seller, and author of "Selling Dead People's Things" Duane Scott Cerny has led a varied and fascinating life. In this episode, Duane shares his remarkable life story with host Anne-Marie Zanzal, covering his sister's miraculous recovery from an grievous illness that caused his parents to convert to Catholicism, growing up gay in the Chicago suburbs, using his charm to diffuse school bullies and developing entrepreneurial skills in high school as self-protection, losing a partner and friends during the AIDS crisis, his early work launching his own record label, founding Chicago's popular Broadway Antique Market, and much, much more. Tune in to hear all of the colorful details of Duane's incredible life story!
Learn more about Duane at https://sellingdeadpeoplesthings.com/meet-the-author/
Discover more about the Broadway Antique Market at https://bamchicago.com/
Duane's favorite musical is 'Sunset Boulevard.' You can catch a compelling performance by Glenn Close in the lead role here: https://youtu.be/i8Xz1aHPhE4?si=r8LtdVWGT2ISMRNB
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This week, host Anne-Marie Zanzal chats with the very wise and funny Phillip Headrick. Phillip, is the host of the recently retired "Two Bottles Deep" podcast, a physical therapist, and Nashville-based comedian. Before he was the charming and confident person he is today, Phillip was a boy raised on a farm in rural Tennessee who was raised in a Christian cult known as "The Truth." As a young man in college, Phillip's realization that he was gay sparked an existential crisis that will have a familiar ring to anyone who has grown up in a conservative faith community. Tune in to hear Phillip's coming out story, the unlikely response from his parents when he came out, and Phillip's messages of grace and tolerance.
You can tune in to previous episodes of the "Two Bottles Deep" podcast here: https://twobottlesdeep.libsyn.com/
When in Nashville, you can catch Phillip's standup comedy at The Third Coast Comedy Club https://www.thirdcoastcomedy.club/ or Zanies Nashville https://nashville.zanies.com/#
Phillip's coming out song is Believe by Cher: https://youtu.be/nZXRV4MezEw?si=7DmK3t9-ph5YCvuM
A book that has had a profound impact on Phillip's life is Talking to Strangers: What We Should Know About the People We Don't Know by Malcolm Gladwell: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/43848929-talking-to-strangers
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NSFW: This episode contains strong language that may be offensive to some.
The current political climate is undoubtedly tough for the LGBTQIA+ community. How do we persevere in a society where so many would like to see queer people go back in the closet? This week on Coming Out & Beyond: LGBTQIA+ Stories, host Anne-Marie Zanzal taps into the wisdom of individuals who have been out for several decades, discussing how to push through adversity and thrive. Anne-Marie is joined by her wife, Tonda McKay, who came out in the early '80s, Pam Nuchols, LCSW and therapist, and Robert McNamara, retired GM and founder of Franklin TN Pride. You'll here the group talk about their coming out stories, loss in the time of the AIDS crisis, emerging from conservative faith traditions, and how they've come through times that are even tougher than what we face in the present day.
Robert's coming out song is Don't You Want Me by The Human League: https://youtu.be/uPudE8nDog0?si=uC0pHYXId_qrFsm0
Pam's coming out song is Can't Fight This Feeling by REO Speedwagon: https://youtu.be/zpOULjyy-n8?si=Mx9nk8yCXF8cwk9s
and Pam also recommends reading Rubyfruit Jungle by Rita Mae Brown: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/165395.Rubyfruit_Jungle
Anne-Marie and Tonda mentioned a song by Chappell Roan, "Good Luck, Babe": https://youtu.be/6ENzV125lWc?si=admdyeKj1VdmNsZy
Tonda recommends reading "Another Mother Tongue: Gay Words, Gay worlds" by Judy Grahn: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/64767.Another_Mother_Tongue
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Activist, scholar, mental health advocate, and The Trevor Project and WClub volunteer JJ King (they/them) is Anne-Marie's special guest on this episode of Coming Out & Beyond: LGBTQIA+ Stories. Anne-Marie and JJ met as JJ was beginning their coming out journey. Both were raised in conservative faith traditions that impacted their sense of self and autonomy. In this compelling conversation about women's power, Anne-Marie and JJ unpack the layered impacts of conservative faith, including homophobia, purity culture, and complementarianism. JJ shares their inspiring story of how they emerged from a family system and marriage where they were deeply oppressed to live their best life. Recorded just two days after the 2024 U.S. election, Anne-Marie and JJ also unpack why so many white American women voted against themselves.
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Charlie Sprinkman is a young person with a vision! After working in a job that required him to travel across 50+ states, Charlie recognized there was a lack of visibility to queer-owned businesses when he tried to find them in his travels and his searches came up empty. This is how Everywhere is Queer was born. Everywhere is Queer is a free app where people can list and search for queer-owned businesses. With an enormous amount of hard work and a boost from major media outlets, Everywhere is Queer's visibility has dramatically taken off, with thousands participating on the app worldwide. Tune in to hear host Anne-Marie Zanzal chat with Charlie about their journey, from their early days growing up in conservative Wisconsin, coming out, his fearless 'just do it' attitude, the country that surprised him the most, his business coaching service, and much more.
You can learn more about the Everywhere is Queer app at https://www.everywhereisqueer.com/
A song that is meaningful to Charlie is 'Same Love' by Macklemore feat. Mary Lambert: https://youtu.be/hlVBg7_08n0?si=TOvY3aMo1wogizyj
A television show that Charlie recommends is 'Pose': https://www.imdb.com/title/tt7562112/
Find out more about Everything is Queer, sign up for his newsletter, and find links to connect on Instagram and TikTok at www.everythingisqueer.com.
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Join host Anne-Marie Zanzal as she welcomes author and coach Annie M. Henderson to explore the diverse experiences of women coming out later in life. Annie shares her personal journey, highlighting the challenges of growing up Catholic in Northeast Texas and the profound impact of a lack of representation in her life. The conversation delves into the complexities of people pleasing and co-dependency, revealing how these patterns can shape relationships and self-identity. Annie's catalyst experience serves as a pivotal point in her story, leading to deep reflections on authenticity and self-acceptance. Tune in for an insightful discussion that emphasizes the uniqueness of each individual's journey while navigating the common themes of discovery and empowerment within the LGBTQIA community.
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Women: dating in the LGBTQIA+ community, especially if you haven't dated in a very long time, or if you're new to dating other queer people, can feel very daunting! Figuring out how to navigate dating apps, learning how to talk to strangers, and identifying your priorities and goals are among some of the very real challenges that singles face. This week on the podcast, host Anne-Marie Zanzal chats with later-in-lifer Barb Rowlandson, whose coaching work has expanded to working with those who want to get the most out of their dating experiences.
You can learn more about her coaching and support programs for LGBTQIA+ women at www.lavenderdating.com.
In this episode, Anne-Marie and Barb talk about the 'toaster oven,' a reference to a joke from Ellen DeGeneres' 90s sitcom. You can learn more about that reference here: https://annemariezanzal.com/whats-up-with-the-toaster-oven-by-tonda-mckay/
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KaRon Spriggs-Bethea, DSW, LCSW, educator and expert on the subject of bullying. KaRon experienced bullying as a young person, and today uses his expertise to support others who feel diminished as a result of bullying. In this episode, host Anne-Marie Zanzal talks with KaRon about his lived experiences being bullied as a black, gay man, defines bullying, and discusses how to minimize shame, build self-esteem, and how to support the people we care about who are experiencing bullying.
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Happy National Coming Out Day, 2024! In this episode, host Anne-Marie Zanzal chats with two of her favorite lesbians: her wife, Tonda, and fellow coach, Barb. Anne-Marie, Tonda, and Barb share their thoughts on signs that you might not be as straight as you originally thought. A little cheeky and with a lot of laughs, these three touch on stereotypes in the lesbian community and throw a little sage advice into the mix. It's a fun episode you won't want to miss!
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This week on CO&B and in honor of LGBTQ+ History Month, we are revisiting an episode from season 1 featuring Judy Wilson. Judy grew up in Nashville, Tennessee in a Roman Catholic family. She came out in the early 1970’s and live in San Francisco during the AIDS crisis. Her story is a testament to the courageousness underground culture of those who came out out in the South and an important reminder of the challenges faced by our queer elders.
Judy is a website designer and writer/mentor. You can find her at site-shack.com or www.judyannewilson.com.
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This episode of Coming Out and Beyond: LGBTQIA+ Stories featuring a conversation with lesbian couple's expert, Dr. Robin Sesan originally aired in December 2023. Today, we reshare this episode with you and invite you to join us at Dr. Sesan's upcoming workshop, Strengthening Love: Building Secure Bonds for Lesbian Couples, on Oct 17th in Provincetown MA during Women's Week. Tickets are available on Eventbrite, spaces are limited.
Link to the event information and to purchase tickets: Strengthening Love: Building Secure Bonds for Lesbian Couples Tickets, Thu, Oct 17, 2024 at 1:30 PM | Eventbrite
Dr. Robin Sesan is a Licensed Psychologist and Certified Emotionally Focused Couples Therapist specializing in working with lesbian/queer couples. She has recently developed an online coaching program for lesbian couples. Listen as host Anne-Marie Zanzal chats with Robin about her coming out later-in-life experience, challenges that are unique to the later-in-life experience, lesbian couple dynamics, and how to make your relationship go the distance.
Visit Robin's websites for her therapy practice: www.securelesbiancouples.com and www.thebrandywinecenter.com
Follow Robin on Instagram @securelesbiancouples
Robin's coming out songs are Defying Gravity from the musical "Wicked" https://youtu.be/MslDnwerQRA?si=AL_c2AD4287DAdsf and The Power of Two by Indigo Girls https://youtu.be/hj0yVN8pFNw?si=I4uiTd7GH2YrJhZJ
A book that validated Robin's perspective on life was The Secret Life of Bees by Sue Monk Kidd.
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Coming out is often an ongoing process, and sometimes people come out selectively to the people around them. It is not unusual for our family members to be the last to know this important piece about our identity. Podcaster Sarah St. John understands this truth. While Sarah has a happy life with her partner, she has yet to come out to her family of origin and has lost members of her support system in the coming out process. In this episode of Coming Out & Beyond: LGBTQIA+ Stories, host Anne-Marie Zanzal talks to Sarah about her coming out experience, the impacts of a conservative faith tradition, why the "right time" to come out does not exist, loss of friends and support systems, and much more.
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In her book, "Perfectly Queer," author Jillian Abby recounts her journey of coming out later in life and overcoming chronic perfectionism. Jillian began her metamorphosis as a wife in a heterosexual marriage, home-schooling mom, and CPA. Sensing a change was needed, Jillian transitioned her job to Licensed Massage Therapist, and as she engaged in physical healing modalities she became more in touch with her authentic self, realizing she was queer. A recovering perfectionist, Jillian has learned to release unrealistic expectations, turn to self for validation, and be a peace with imperfection. In this lively discussion, host Anne-Marie Zanzal and Jillian talk about a wide range of topics, including overcoming pernicious perfectionism, the 'superpower' associated with coming out later in life, good and not so good therapists, internalized homophobia, and so much more.
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After 10 years of unravelling her sexual identity, later-in-life lesbian Emily Bettdur came out and transformed her life. Now a later-in-life dating coach for women, Emily helps others feel connected to their authentic sexuality, navigate complex emotions, build self-esteem, and foster healthy relationships. In this episode, host Anne-Marie Zanzal and Emily talk about the coming out later in life experience, opening marriages as a bargaining strategy, family responses to coming out and how to handle them, therapy pitfalls, and much more!
Connect with Emily at https://thelatelifelesbian.com/
Emily's coming out song is This is Me from The Greatest Showman https://youtu.be/CjxugyZCfuw?si=Hm1boIfE6VzbCupi
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Have you ever felt so disconnected from your body that you don't know what you feel or want? This week's guest on Coming Out & Beyond: LGBTQIA+ Stories is Juliana Allen, a certified somatic breathwork facilitator who helps people become reconnected with their bodies and heal. Juliana, a later in life lesbian, found breathwork in her coming out process. In this episode, host Anne-Marie Zanzal and Juliana talk about why those coming out later in life can benefit from alternative healing, releasing trauma from the body (TW: anorexia), her experience opening her marriage after coming out, and the joyful, authentic life her has cultivated.
Follow Juliana on Instagram: @reclaimingjuliana
Juliana's website: www.reclaimingjuliana.com
A song that is meaningful to Juliana is The Chicks' My Best Friend's Wedding. https://youtu.be/dMU0Pfn65lU?si=rYnnkRc6ecZvUziE
A book that is meaningful to Juliana is Glennon Doyle's Untamed: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/52129515-untamed
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This week's guest, Wes Schmitz, was raised in a small farming community in central Illinois. While growing up, he retreated deeper and deeper into the closet, forced there by the rhetoric around him. In college, homophobic jokes on campus and in the frat house kept him in the closet. Wes came out at age 29, emerging from the darkness and into a brighter future. Wes says "I never chose to be gay, but I finally chose to be happy." Since then, Wes has flourished in his career, co-hosted the "Two Bottles Deep" podcast, and has built a joyful life for himself in Nashville, TN. In this episode, host Anne-Marie Zanzal and Wes are reunited in the podcast sphere once again to talk about triumphing over negative messaging , the importance of having queer community, ditching shame for good, ditching alcohol for good and the positive consequences that followed, and what it's like to go from having FOMO (fear of missing out) to JOMO (joy of missing out).
Wes' coming out song is Simply the Best by Tina Turner: https://youtu.be/GC5E8ie2pdM?si=7_zuOuz6Qr1wrj59
Wes also resonates with Miranda Lambert's song, Automatic: https://youtu.be/2ksWKOy665o?si=Q64rgduYd34ZRHcQ
A book that has special meaning to Wes is The Help by Kathryn Stockett: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/4667024-the-help
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TW: Bullying.
Raymond J Brune is Anne-Marie's special guest on this week's episode of Coming Out & Beyond: LGBTQIA+ Stories. So many people are a slave to their trauma; trauma that results from sexual abuse, accidents, the loss of a loved one, terrorism – even bullying. The impacts of trauma can last a lifetime. Raymond found a path to healing and forgiveness four decades after being viciously bullied in school, and he discovered it completely by accident. Raymond reveals how his healing was precipitated in his upcoming book, The Art of Being Bullied: Reframing Trauma One Masterpiece at a Time, which drops August 20th. Ray is a TV executive, former executive producer of Good Morning America, World News Now, VP at E! networks and Fox Sports, among many others. Tune in to hear Ray's story of triumph over a past filled with abuse, and learn how he used his creativity to forge ahead to a place of healing.
You can purchase Ray's book, "The Art of Being Bullied: Reframing Trauma One Masterpiece at a Time" on Amazon: https://www.amazon.com/Art-Being-Bullied-Reframing-Masterpiece-ebook/dp/B0D78NTSJ8?ref_=ast_author_m...
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This week on Coming Out & Beyond: LGBTQIA+ stories, host Anne-Marie Zanzal chats with psychotherapist and art therapist, Jamie Winters. Jamie's professional experiences encompass a variety of roles, including social worker, educator, fine artist, farmer and yoga teacher. Jamie combines her love of neuroscience, psychology, art, nature, movement, and healing to facilitate growth, connection and empowerment for her clients. In this episode, Jamie shares with Anne-Marie her journey from self-realization that she is queer to coming out later in life, her experiences being entrenched in a faith tradition as a preacher's wife, what it was like to encounter homophobia in the church, and the subsequent steps she took to blossom and live an authentic, joyful life.
You can learn more about Jamie's practice at www.rainbowlotustherapy.com
A film that is meaningful to Jamie is the Danish film, Antonia's Line (1995): Antonia's Line (1995) - IMDb
A song that is meaningful to Jamie is 'Wild Sweet' by Starling Arrow: https://youtu.be/-al77IYpmsg?si=sB_c_QcVymlJRPLk
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