Episodes
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A friend told me she was sad and asked if she could call me.
Episode 184 is step by step how I validated, witnessed and helped her process her sadness.
We will all feel sad, it is a normal human emotion.
The skill of zooming in and seeing the sad is what helps all of us get to the other side of the sadness.
Listen to hear what color her sadness was and where she felt it in her body.
She now knows how to love and care for the sadness when it comes back.
This is a must listen for all parents, friends, spouses and humans who want to connect more with other humans.
A confident mother is the greatest gift to her family!
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Our life made up for billions of moments/experiences and each experience has three layers:
The actual experience. Our awareness of the experience. The story or meaning we create about the experience.Listen to episode 183 as Heidi Benjaminsen shares and breaks down several experiences of her life into these three layers.
You'll learn that actual experiences only last a short period of time. Heidi teaches how having the awareness inside our body helps us feel any emotion and know it will pass in time. Being able to handle any emotion allows us to stay in our lane and stay calm and anchored.
Heidi shares how we are shaped most in life by the third layer, the stories we tell about each experience. She teaches how to make meaning in our life that will create the life experiences we really want.
Would you like to know how to calmly handle the silence when your college student doesn't reply to texts or calls? Click here for instant help!
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Missing episodes?
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It sounds like a kind desire to have towards others - wanting them to be happy and feel good.
This desire works... until it doesn't and this thought becomes toxic and creates stress (in us and them).
And disconnects us from the people we love most who experience human and negative experiences.
When others are sad, grieving, disappointed and more, they don't need us to tell them we really want them to be happy. (If we do this, they don't want to be around us - which is usually the opposite of what we want.)
They need us to witness their negativity, they need validation and support.
They don't need "fixing", which is what it feels like (unintentionally!) when we want everyone to be happy.
Ironically, as we sit with others in their negativity, they naturally feel "better" because they feel seen and loved.
Which is what we all want anyway.
Listen to episode 182 to hear the reasons why we don't want people to be happy all the time and how to create more humanity and love in our relationships.
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Humans are like magnets. Something in our make-up attracts or repels certain people.
I believe OUR VIBE or our energy attracts certain people, certain successes, and certain failures in our life.
And our VIBE repels others.
Our vibe includes our nervous system - how we hold our body, the words we use, our mannerisms, how we dress, act, don't act, how we talk about ourselves and others.
This is the energy we put into the world.
And energy follows energy.
Listen to this replay of one of the most downloaded episodes to hear how to identify and change anything about your VIBE that isn't how you want your life to look.
Goodness and confidence are out there.
Now let's attract more of this into our lives!
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Because our brains are "wired" on default to look for the negative, feeling more joy in life isn't an automatic process.
It requires focus and intention and practice.
First, we have to recognize what is STEALING our joy. And neutralize these "joy thieves".
Listen to a replay of episode 11 to hear the many human ways we all let joy be stolen from us.
And hear Heidi explain HOW to increase our joy - in small and big ways.
A joyful mother (who also feels the negative) is the greatest gift to her family!
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All moms worry if they are "good enough"; we are biologically wired to care about this.
This "worry" becomes a problem when we look to our children or external factors to determine if we are good enough.
It's an even bigger problem if we think we need to be "perfect".
Listen to episode 179 to hear advanced certified life coach Heidi Benjaminsen discuss what makes us a good mom.
When we think we are a good mom, we act in a way that reinforces this belief.
Good moms are everywhere and doing things very differently.
A confident mother is the greatest gift to her family!
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Summary
In this episode, I discuss the tendency common to everying - wishing others were different from who they are. It's something I've noticed in the people I coach, and it's a struggle I've faced in my own relationships with family and friends. Throughout the episode, I explore how these wishes create barriers between us and the people we care about, hindering our ability to truly understand and appreciate them. I challenge the notion that others need to change for us to feel differently, emphasizing the power of changing our own thoughts to shape our emotions. I provide listeners with practical tools to dismantle these barriers and foster deeper connections with others.Examples:
I share examples of common wishes, such as wanting a partner to be more handy around the house or wishing for more frequent communication from a parent. I discuss the challenges of accepting children for who they are, including desires for them to be more outgoing or neurotypical. And more!Lessons Learned:
I encourage listeners to examine their beliefs about why certain traits are perceived as better than others. I emphasize that our emotions are shaped by our thoughts, not by the actions of others. I urge listeners to embrace discomfort and take responsibility for their own emotions rather than expecting others to change. I highlight the importance of recognizing and appreciating both strengths and weaknesses in ourselves and others. I advocate for a focus on personal growth while simultaneously accepting and loving others for who they are. -
We all want to be liked. It's a human survival desire.
It feels good when people like us.
BUT we all encounter people who don't like us. Our brain thinks this is a problem. This isn't a problem!
If someone likes us, this represents their brain and their lane - not us!
Listen to this "best of" episode to learn how to manage what you think, feel and do when someone doesn't like you.
Let other people be wrong about you.
Our job is to focus on what WE think about OURSELVES and build OUR self-esteem.
This focuses our attention on our lane and helps us show up as people we WANT to be.
A confident mother is the greatest gift to her family!
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Learning how to say no when someone requests something of us is a critical skill. This skill anchors and steadies us as we stay in our lane and take more control of our life.
Listen to episode 176 (a replay of episode 9) to learn:
Importance of setting boundaries and prioritizing time Reasons why people struggle to say no Awareness of the consequences of saying yes to everything Strategies for politely declining requests Emphasis on taking responsibility for time management Importance of being honest with oneself and others The significance of clear communication and setting expectations Examples of saying no graciously and firmly Discussion on the responsibility of commitments once made Avoiding blaming others for one's own choices Importance of self-care and valuing one's time Respectfully declining requests for money or other favors Prioritizing tasks based on personal values and integrity Admiration for those who effectively manage their time and commitments Importance of self-worth and self-confidence in saying noA confident mother is the greatest gift to her family!
To set up a free consultation for coaching, go to https://heidibenjaminsen.as.me/consult/
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The episode delves into the idea of grace, drawing inspiration from a talk by Brad Wilcox titled "His Grace is Sufficient." Grace, as Heidi explains, is a gift given out of love, not fear or judgment, and it assumes worthiness without the need for earning it.
She explores how grace applies to human relationships, emphasizing the importance of shifting our mindset towards others and ourselves.
Heidi emphasizes that our relationships with others exist in our minds, shaped by our thoughts about them. She highlights the three components of a relationship:
what we think about the other person, what they think about us, and what we think about ourselves.Heidi stresses the importance of focusing on filling the gaps in our relationships with grace and understanding rather than judgment and criticism.
Using personal anecdotes and coaching examples, Heidi illustrates how practicing grace can transform our interactions with others and improve our self-esteem.
She encourages listeners to shift their focus from judging others to understanding and accepting them, ultimately fostering deeper connections and personal growth.
For more information go to heidibenjaminsen.com.
Schedule a free consult call at https://heidibenjaminsen.as.me/consult/
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Heidi Benjaminsen hosts "Confidence Coaching," a podcast aimed at supporting mothers in maintaining calmness and stability regardless of their surroundings. In Episode 174, titled "Building Core Confidence," Heidi shares a personal experience from a skiing trip in Austria to illustrate the importance of developing emotional resilience and stability. She describes how navigating challenging ski trails highlighted the role of her core muscles in maintaining balance and stability, drawing parallels to building emotional resilience in everyday life. Heidi emphasizes the significance of staying centered, taking responsibility for one's actions and emotions, and avoiding the temptation to blame external factors. Through her skiing experience and a subsequent encounter with law enforcement, Heidi demonstrates the importance of flexible thinking, self-acceptance, and embracing uncertainty in fostering core confidence and emotional well-being. Learn more at heidibenjaminsen.com Sign up for a free consult call at https://heidibenjaminsen.as.me/consult A confident mother is the greatest gift to her family!
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The fastest way to changing our life is SLOWING DOWN and examining situations we want to change. When we pause and reflect on what we are thinking, we're able to change emotional patterns. Our frustration, stress, and insecurity suddenly isn't needed because we see the situation from a different perspective.
In episode 173 of Confidence Coaching, Heidi gives many examples from her own life of how she slowed down to question:
Why she was feeling insecure when not included with a group If things she perceives as problems with other people are REALLY problems Will getting angry and mad actually help me in this situation What will confidence look like when meeting new people Would I like it if my spouse had these same expectations and resentments What am I rushing to And more!Emotional control and calm is quickly possible after we slow down and ask WHY we are acting a certain way and rushing through life.
A confident mother is the greatest gift to her family!
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When we gain life experience, learn new information and see the perspective of how other people experience life, our opinions, our beliefs, our biases change. Confident people WANT to change their minds over their lifetime. To do so requires a lot of self-acceptance, integrity, discomfort, humility and emotional maturity.
Our lower brains will resist us changing our opinions, for fear it means we were "wrong" before and fearing what is "new" and "unknown". Remember this brain wants us to be "right" more than anything else. But this brain isn't confident and isn't getting us ultimately where we want to go.
Listen to hear Heidi explains why our brain resists being able to change our opinions and how to incorporate new data into new opinions and beliefs. Both can be true - we did our best in the past and we're doing out best now - even if opinions and beliefs are different. Changing and "upgrading" our internal software is the sign of a confident and emotionally anchored person.
Confident mothers have open minds, open hearts and empathetic ears. Confident women know change represents growth. Learn how to do this in episode 172 of Confidence Coaching with Heidi Benjaminsen.
Learn about private coaching at https://heidibenjaminsen.as.me.
A confident mother is the greatest gift to her family!
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As I end each year, I share with you important "thoughts" and beliefs that carried me through the year. This year has been incredibly busy, and yet I've moved through the year without swirling chaos. I've stayed anchored to what is most important and I've chosen how I want to feel and experience everything.
Listen to hear how I've managed my thoughts around moving into a home and unpacking alone. I paid much more attention to my "trailing invisible thoughts" than I did the first thing that came to mind. Learn more about this below:
Episode about Trailing Invisible Thoughts - https://heidibenjaminsen.com/146-2/
This year was one with very high and very low emotions and I didn't make myself choose just one to feel - I stayed in the duality and felt both at the same time. I allowed the energy and sensations to move through me and I was the witness to these intense emotions.
To stay in my lane and keep myself focused on MY own lane, I made sure I wasn't solving problems that were not mine to solve. It becomes harder and hard to move problems out of my lane and put them squarely in my children's lanes. It's hard AND this is what allows them to grow into emotionally independent adults.
2023 was great! 2024 will be even better. Glad you're here.
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Tis the season to be invited to a lot of events, parties, gatherings, recitals, and more. It feels great when we have the time and energy to say YES to as many things as we want. There will come a time, though, when the best way to take care of our life, our lane, is to decline an invitation. This may be uncomfortable - you and they may be disappointed you aren't able to attend. Regardless of the discomfort, declining is still the most emotionally mature and confident thing to do.
Listen to episode 170 of to hear how declining is part of creating boundaries and taking care of our lane. Learn phrases to say and how to feel any discomfort you may feel. If someone else is upset and we know we've been kind and considerate in how we have declined, we do not need to "fix" the discomfort. This is a responsibility of their lane.
Saying YES to anything is always saying NO to something and someone else, and that person may be ourselves. Resentment builds when we expect other people to manage our lane. Confidence and emotional stability builds when we learn to manage our time, needs, priorities and energy.
A confident mother is the greatest gift to her family!
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Overwhelm, stress, anxiety and worry are created when we're looking at a situation or person with the wrong perspective. We may be too "zoomed out" and not seeing how to get anchored and calm, or we may be too "zoomed in" and not seeing the bigger picture with peace.
Listen to episode 169 to hear an important anchoring tool. Learn questions to ask yourself to help your mind regain calm and control by zooming in or out. Heidi gives many examples of when she zoomed in to the details to be present and enjoy daily moments. Zooming in allows us to be focused, present and only worried about the task at hand.
When we zoom out and see our lives and our children's lives, we stop stressing the least important details and we stay calm and in control in our lane. This tool helps us model emotional control and calm to our children, which helps them stay in control of their lane.
A confident mother is the greatest gift to her family!
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Gratitude does more than increase our dopamine and increase our mood, being grateful and expressing appreciation can heal our body and nervous system. Gratitude is a super emotion that connects us to people, regulates our body and attracts more goodness into our life.
Yet... expressing gratitude is a skill and muscle we can all build.
Listen to Heidi describe how our brain and body might resist giving or receiving gratitude and learn scripts to use to express appreciation for others. Learn easy practices to use with your children to incorporate giving thanks and living in abundance, not lack.
When we give and receive thanks with grace, our children will be comfortable giving and receiving thanks. Which will heal both us and our family.
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We've all heard that the way we hold out body sends messages to other people about our confidence or insecurities, if we are open to conversation or want to be left alone. Did you know our nervous system ALSO knows how WE are holding our body and ALSO sends signals of confidence or insecurity, of safety or danger?
Listen to episode 167 of Confidence Coaching with Heidi Benjaminsen as she teaches about proprioception, or the science of how our nervous system is aware of how we are positioned and how it sends messages to our brain - messages to reinforce the energy of our mannerisms.
Smiling sends messages of confidence and calm. Holding our chin and head up, shoulders back sends messages that we are valuable, confident and worthy of taking up space. Making eye contact reinforces these messages - not just to others, but more importantly - to ourselves.
Watch the micro mannerisms of others and decide which you want to mirror. Adapt new confident manners and feel your energy change!
Our vibe attracts our tribe!
Sign up for a consult call so your children see you as the most calm and anchored version of yourself: https://heidibenjaminsen.as.me.
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A teenager's body has wildly fluctuating hormones and moods that seem to hit the highs and lows like the world's best rollercoasters. They can be angry, excited, anxious, nervous and happy all in a few minutes. Just because THEY are on this ride does not mean WE need to be on the ride with them.
In episode 166 of Confidence Coaching with Heidi Benjaminsen, learn tips to stay anchored and calmly on the "platform" as your teen experiences the emotional rollercoaster. Learn how to separate your emotions from their emotions. Hear how to normalize and validate their experience while also validating you might need a break from their outburst.
The calmer we can approach their highs and lows, the quicker they will experience the extremes and the safer they will feel with these emotions. Our teens need us to feel ok with their big emotions so they learn these emotions are feelings they don't need to avoid or numb.
Sign up for a consult call to hear about the Stay In Your Lane program with private 1:1 lessons and coaching. https://heidibenjaminsen.as.me
A confident mother is the greatest gift to her family!
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Life incudes loss and our teens need us to show them how to feel, process and manage deep sorry and grief. Helping them learn to process this human emotion (and not avoid it), sets them up in life to know how to process, feel and handle the inevitable grief that that will encounter.
Listen as Heidi shares five tips and tools to use as our teens experience grief and loss. Our teens need us to validate and normalize these hard emotions and sit with them so they are not alone in these experiences. Let your teens see you be sad and let them see the strength and courage in being sad and asking for help. Listen to hear a lot of examples of what to say and what not to say. Do NOT try to make them feel better - this makes their nervous system think these negative emotions are something and avoid and buffer from (which makes them "stay" longer).
The more comfortable we are allowing our teens to be uncomfortable and feel grief, the more maturely they will learn to process emotions. And the quicker they will move through the harder emotions.
A confident mother is the greatest gift to her family!
See how coaching can help you stay emotionally anchored https://heidibenjaminsen.as.me/consult/
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