Episodes
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A big part of divorce is figuring out the impact ending your marriage will have on your finances. The obvious concerns are what it means for your present lifestyle, but you can’t ignore the consequences on retirement. That means understanding the Divorced Spouse Social Security benefit. There are lots of rules and caveats for this benefit and it’s hard to remember them all …
Joining me for this Conversation is Leah Hadley from Great Lakes Financial Solutions (https://www.greatlakesdfs.com/). Leah is a seasoned financial professional and is committed to helping her clients make wise financial decisions before, during and after divorce. Leah as a free Divorce Recovery: A Financial Guide To Moving On available for download at her site.
You can find a synopsis of this episode at my blog: https://sincemydivorce.com/what-you-need-to-know-about-the-divorced-spouse-social-security-benefit -
More and more people are filing for divorce themselves, without lawyers. But most people do need legal advice on at least some aspects of their divorce. And, sometimes, couples can’t agree, and the divorce turns into a fully contested, litigated divorce. So how do you find the right divorce attorney for you?
The challenge is often knowing where to start. You’re unfamiliar with the legal system in general and with domestic relations, in particular.
You’re overwhelmed by the end of your marriage and don’t know enough about parenting after divorce or divorce financials to know if something is an issue or an obstacle.
And, you’ve had little experience dealing with attorneys so it’s hard to know who’s going to do a good job or even what is a good job!
You ask your friends, family and coworkers for referrals but that may not be a great choice. Your situation is likely different from theirs. What worked or didn’t work for them will be different for you.
What you need to do is make an informed, well-researched decision. How you do that is the topic for this Conversations About Divorce. Joining me are Kelly Frawley and Emily Pollock, New York-based matrimonial and family law attorneys and partners at Kasowitz Benson Torres LLP (https://kasowitz.com).
You'll find a synopsis of the show at my blog: https://sincemydivorce.com/how-to-find-the-right-divorce-attorney-for-you -
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Most divorce professionals will tell you that everyone lies at some point in their divorce. For many people, they might be harmless ‘white lies’ that are told to try to make the other person feel better or to avoid a confrontation.
But then there are the lies that are deeply deceitful. They may cause significant harm, even be life-altering. The sad truth about your spouse’s lies in divorce is that you may have little legal recourse.
How can this be? What does it mean for you? What needs to change?
Joining me for this Conversations About Divorce is Jill Hasday who is a Distinguished McKnight University Professor and the Centennial Professor of law at the University of Minnesota Law School. She’s also the author of “Intimate Lies and The Law.” Read more about Jill at her website, https://JillHasday.com.
You'll find a synopsis of this Conversation at my blog: https://sincemydivorce.com/the-sad-truth-about-your-spouse's-lies-in-divorce -
If divorce is confusing for adults, imagine how it is for your kids. It seems like everything in their world is changing and they have no control over any of it. It’s up to you to help your kids understand divorce.
We often hear that children are resilient and adaptable.
I also hear parents say that the kids know that the marriage is ending but they don’t know much about why. The parents think they’ve kept their disagreements private. They think they’ve shielded the kids from the undercurrents in the troubled marriage.
The kids seem to be doing just fine. They’re carrying on as normal.
But is this what is really happening?
Even when you think you’ve protected your kids; they know something isn’t right because their normal has changed. They see changes in routines at home.
They may be carrying on their usual but is that because they’re keeping a lid on their emotions? Are they struggling to label what it is they’re feeling? Are they trying desperately not to cause a disagreement between mom and dad?
Joining me for this Conversations About Divorce to talk about helping your kids understand divorce is Natalie Knox. Natalie is a primary school teacher and has been a lay counselor for children in crisis including general on-call trauma counselling and specialized divorce recovery counselling. Knox is also the author of The Mending Chronicles of Liam and Emily, a divorce recovery journey that’s aimed at kids aged 6 – 12.
Read more about Natalie and her work at https://themendingchronicles.com
You'll also find a synopsis of this show at my blog: https://sincemydivorce.com/how-do-you-best-help-your-kids-understand-divorce -
With Facebook’s announcement that its own digital currency, Libra is coming in 2020, this type of asset is going to become much more common. If you’re ending your marriage, that means you need to get up to speed about divorce and cryptocurrency.
Cryptocurrency is often thought of as hard to trace, difficult to value and highly volatile. All that can spell trouble when you’re negotiating your divorce settlement.
So what exactly is cryptocurrency, who typically holds it and how can you find it?
Joining me for this Conversation About Divorce is Paul Sibenik with Cryptforensic Investigators who help lawyers and their clients going through divorce to track, trace, and recover non-disclosed or undeclared cryptocurrency through forensic accounting. Paul's website is https://cryptforensic.com
You'll find a synopsis of this Conversation at my blog: https://sincemydivorce.com/what-you-need-to-know-about-divorce-and-cryptocurrency
Photo by Austin Distel on Unsplash -
If you’ve been Googling ‘sexless marriage’ then you may also be wondering if passion in your marriage can be rekindled.
Most people who now have little to no physical intimacy with their spouse will tell you that it’s not how the relationship started. But somehow, at some point, the passion started to fade. The sex became tense, distant, infrequent. Couple that with feelings of rejection, abandonment, not being loved and even talking about the lack of sex becomes challenging, if not impossible.
That obstacle can drive a wedge further into an already strained relationship so that not only has physical intimacy gone but also the emotional intimacy. By then, one or both of you are considering divorce.
The standard response to that is to try marriage counselling but is there something else you can do to rekindle the passion?
My guest for this Conversation About Divorce is Stephanie Pappas. Pappas is a sex and relationship coach who follows the 5 Erotic Blueprints™ coaching method. Contact Stephanie at CoachingByStephanie.com for a free 30-minute consult.
You'll find a synopsis of this Conversation at my blog: https://sincemydivorce.com/can-the-passion-in-a-sexless-marriage-be-rekindled -
You may not realize this, but your mental health may not be private in divorce and it could be used to restrict your parenting time.
That’s a counter-pull to the current initiatives in our society. We’re being encouraged to talk openly about, accept, and destigmatize mental health issues. We’re being urged to seek help and treatment for our issues.
And, when we do access help, we expect that to given in confidence. There’s a patient-physician privilege to protect us. That’s there to create an environment that cultivates trust and honesty which is fundamental to successful treatment.
But in parenting disputes, that privacy can be broken. The fact that you’ve sought treatment can be used against you.
So, what can you do to prepare yourself? What can you do to protect yourself?
Joining me for this Conversation About Divorce is New York-based family law and matrimonial attorney, Lisa Zeiderman. Zeiderman is the managing partner at Miller, Zeiderman and Whittaker and her work on this topic has appeared in Psychology Today.
You'll find a synopsis of this Conversation at my blog: https://sincemydivorce.com/warning-your-mental-health-may-not-be-private-in-divorce -
Many people never suspect their spouse is seeing someone else. They’ve never imagined it. They’ve never thought about what happens when you discover your spouse is unfaithful.
Yet, infidelity is often a factor in divorce. The Institute for Family Studies reports that among ever-married adults who have cheated on their spouses before, 40% are currently divorced or separated compared to 17% of adults who were faithful to their spouse.
That underscores the devastating impact that infidelity has on a relationship.
For the cheated on, it can mean grief, trauma, PTSD, depression, anxiety and fear. Any of these can make deciding what to do about your marriage challenging. If you do decide to divorce, that process is even harder because of these emotions.
So, what can you do in the moments after you discover your relationship now involves three people? What can you expect to feel? How do you take care of yourself?
Joining me for this Conversation About Divorce is Melissa Davis, founder of AfterTheAffair.co which offers support for people looking to heal from their partner’s unfaithfulness.
You'll find a synopsis of the show at my blog: https://sincemydivorce.com/what-happens-when-you-discover-your-spouse-is-unfaithful -
One of the benefits of marriage is that it usually means you have a travel companion, and if you have children, then school breaks are a great incentive to get away.
All that changes with divorce. You no longer have your spouse to travel with. Compounding that, your friends are probably all married so you're not likely to tag along with them. It's even harder when you're an empty nester and the kids are doing their own trips.
A common complaint from newly-singles is that they have no one to go away with so they end up not going on vacation.
But it doesn't have to be that way. You have options. Solo travel is liberating and there is no better way to boost your confidence.
My guest for this Conversation is divorce coach, Martha Bodyfelt, founder of SurvivingYourSplit.com. Martha is a pro at solo travel. Before our Conversation, she'd just returned from a three-week solo trip to South America where she visited Uruguay, Paraguay, Peru and Ecuador.
Listen in to discover Martha's tips for how she makes it work. You'll be inspired.
You'll find a synopsis of our Conversation at my blog: https://sincemydivorce.com/guide-travel-solo-after-divorce -
Stalking is not uncommon during the end of a relationship. With today's technology and our quest for connection, it's easier than ever to track someone. It's easier to do that without the person's knowledge and it's harder for the person being stalked to stop it.
So what is stalking? When does stalking become a crime? What are the common methods of stalking and how can you protect yourself?
My guest for this Conversation is BreAnne Meyer, Outreach Director for the Safe Shelter of St. Vrain which offers services to victims of abuse, working with them to develop their safety plan for remaining or leaving their relationship.
During the show, Meyer references keeping an incident log. You'll find a template for one at the Stalking Resource Center here: https://victimsofcrime.org/docs/src/stalking-incident-log_pdf.pdf?sfvrsn=4
You'll also find a synopsis of the show at my blog here: https://sincemydivorce.com/what-you-need-to-know-about-stalking-and-divorce -
Falling in love happens organically. It's exciting, scary, energizing all at the same time. But what happens when the relationship ends, and especially if it's not what you wanted?
What do you do when you still love the person who no longer loves you?
Do you really just have to wait for time to heal all wounds or are there actions you can take to help that process.
My guest for this Conversation is Wellness and Divorce Coach, Lisa Arends. She writes the blog Lessons From the End Of A Marriage. Arends has written about how to fall out of love. She identified 14 features about being in love and create an antidote for each of them.
You can read Arends' article here: https://lessonsfromtheendofamarriage.com/2016/01/how-to-fall-out-of-love/
One of Arends antidotes is to get to know yourself again and I have a free download available on that topic. You can sign up here: https://pages.convertkit.com/2144c2f12c/d6b61d2caa
Arends also has a YouTube Channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UChck9Va5IG4Vbp4sruC_P4w/feed -
If you're in a sexless marriage, you are not alone.
It's one of the top search terms on my blog and in my experience talking with people considering divorce, there's usually a reference to living like roommates.
What is considered a sexless marriage? How long do you wait to do something about it and what should you do? Does it always mean you're destined for divorce?
Joining me for this Conversation is Vicki Larson. Vicky is an award-winning journalist and co-author of "The New I Do: Reshaping Marriage For Skeptics, Realists and Rebels." Vicki also blogs at the OMG Chronicles (http://omgchronicles.vickilarson.com/ ) on love, marriage, divorce and life.
You'll find a synopsis of the show at my blog: https://sincemydivorce.com/sexless-marriage-should-divorce -
If you can work cooperatively with your spouse through the end of your marriage, it's better all round. Better for your emotional health, better for your kids and absolutely better for your wallet.
But that's not always possible especially when there's been domestic abuse, whether it's physical. emotional or financial.
Abuse makes ending a relationship much, much more difficult. We know that on average it takes a victim seven attempts to leave an abuser before staying away for good. We also know that the risk of being killed increases 75 percent when a woman tries to leave her batterer.
Those are somber statistics.
Getting a protection order is one way of shielding yourself. So what is it, when would you get one, how do you get one and how safe does it make the world for you?
Joining Mandy for this Conversation is Karen Covy, Karen is a divorce attorney turned divorce adviser and coach. Karen offers a Divorce Road Map program - find out more at her website, https://karencovy.com.
You'll find a synopsis of this Conversation at Mandy's blog at https://sincemydivorce.com/will-your-divorce-be-safe-without-a-protection-order.
DOMESTIC ABUSE HOTLINE: 1-822-799-7233 -
It's pretty typical in a marriage for one spouse to take on the responsibility for doing the taxes and often times, the other spouse is all too happy to be relieved of that task.
And then divorce happens ...
And then they find out that the taxes they thought they had filed, haven't been filed ...
Or, the taxes they thought had been paid, haven't ...
Or, they hear for the first time that there's tens of thousands of dollars owed to the IRS.
Then what?
Joining Mandy for this Conversation is Claudia Revermann from the Minnesota-based firm of Lucent Tax Relief. Revermann has been practicing last for 16 years and worked previously as a tax accountant.
Lucent Tax Relief offers a free consultation - call 888-589-0474.
You'll find a synopsis of this Conversation at Mandy's blog at https://sincemydivorce.com/divorce-could-make-an-irs-problem-worse -
Figuring out where to live after divorce is often very unsettling and is the issue that causes the most upheaval. While you and your STBX are discussing what happens to the marital home, you feel in a state of limbo, uncertain where life will take you. That makes it hard to make other decisions and yet, at least one of you is going to have to move.
Here you are, in the middle of one of life’s most stressful experiences, with everyone telling you no to make any major decisions and there’s this one that you absolutely have to make.
How do you decide when to move out of the home? How do you choose where to live? What about the kids? Is renting short term a waste of money?
Joining Mandyfor this Conversation is attorney David Glass with Enenstein Pham & Glass. Glass recently published a book, Moving On: Redesigning Your Emotional, Financial and Social Life After Divorce, drawing on his long career as a family law attorney with a PhD in Clinical Psychology as well as his first-hand experience.
You can find a synopsis of this Conversation at Mandy's blog: https://sincemydivorce.com/how-to-avoid-a-mistake-when-you-decide-where-to-live-after-divorce
Read more about David Glass at https://enensteinlaw.com/ -
It doesn't matter the circumstances of the end of your marriage, we all learn things about ourselves in the process. We learn our values, our beliefs, our choices and, if we do the self-work we understand where they came from and if they are serving or hurting us.
This is your baggage. We all have it.
And if you want to find happiness after divorce some it is going to have to go.
Mandy's guest for this Conversation calls it "taking out your trash." Antonia Ragozzino has just published her second novel, "Taking Out The Trash: Garbage In ... Garbage Out." The main character is Ella and Antonia used her own first-hand experiences after divorce to help Ella sort out her trash.
Listen in to hear what was the hardest piece of trash for Antonia, the most significant and the most surprising. You'll find a synopsis of the Conversation at Mandy's blog: https://sncemydivorce.com/letting-go-of-the-past-after-divorce
You can follow Antonia at her blog: https://AntoniaBlogs and also on her YouTube channel, Taking Out The Trash where she offers inspiration about being single after divorce. -
Talking about credit scores doesn't sound like a very interesting topic and in fact, it's good if your credit score is boring. That would mean that it was at least stable.
But stable is often not what's going on in divorce and divorce is frequently the time when people are looking at their credit score for the first time or in a long time. As we start to talk about things like getting a new credit card, closing out old accounts, qualifying for a mortgage or car loan, the importance of your credit score becomes very clear.
So how does getting divorced impact your credit score? Why do many people find their scores plummeting during divorce? What can you do to protect yourself?
Joining Mandy for this Conversation About Divorce is attorney John Heath from Lexington Law. Call 1-844-422-0817 for a free credit repair consultation.
You'll find a synopsis of this Conversation at Mandy's blog: https://sincemydivorce.com/how-to-better-manage-your-credit-score-through-your-divorce -
There's little disagreement that ending your marriage is one of the most difficult experiences and transitions you'll have in life. It can also be one of the most isolating. In the months leading up to going public, people often hide the truth about what is going on from family and friends because if you can work it out, you don't want people to know about all the problems.
Once the decision is public, people are still quiet about what's going on. That's a mixture of wanting some privacy, fear of judgement, feeling embarrassed and simply not wanting to talk about it.
Yet, it is precisely at these times that we need the support of others.
So how do you reach out for help? Where are the safe places to find support? How much do you share about what is going on? When do you need to be cautious?
Joining Mandy for this Conversation, is Judy Herbst, director of PR ad Partnerships at Worthy.com. Worthy.com is the online auction site for wedding rings, estate jewelry, watches and more and is also the creator and moderator of the Facebook group, Worthy Women And Divorce. It's a group with more than 60,000 members, so clearly Worthy is offering support that people.
Find a synopsis of this Conversation at Mandy's blog here: https://sincemydivorce.com/how-to-find-the-right-divorce-support-for-you -
While deciding to divorce is always a hard decision and not something anyone wants, for some people it becomes very clear that this is what needs to happen. Often times this involves infidelity, domestic abuse or addiction problems.
For others, making the decision is much more challenging. They get along OK with their spouse, don't really argue, parent well together, can make decisions together but there's something's missing. Usually it's a lack of intimacy - physical and/or emotional. It's a roommate marriage.
These are the hardest marriages to end. People agonize over the decision for months, even years. Couples counselling often doesn't help but you don't want to make a mistake and you don't want to hurt your spouse.
Is there a way for you to change the dynamic with your spouse? Can you be sure that you won't be making a mistake if you divorce? How do you engage your spouse in this?
Joining Mandy for this Conversation are world-renowned relationship experts Doctors John Gottman and Julie Schwartz Gottman. For forty years, the Gottmans have studied what separates the masters of relationships from the disasters. They have a new book out - EIGHT DATES: Essential Conversations For A Lifetime Of Love. Find out more about the Gottmans and their work at https://www.gottman.com.
You'll find a synopsis of this show at Mandy's blog at https://sincemydivorce.com/sure-divorce-8-dates-help/ -
Boundaries is a word that comes up often in divorce-related discussions. Certainly, the changing nature of your relationship with your ex may make it apparent that it's time for new boundaries with them.
Dealing with friends and family members may also prompt you to re-examine your boundaries as you try to protect yourself from over-sharing or being told what you should and shouldn't be doing.
And then there's dating ... that experience may make you wonder if you ever had good boundaries to begin with or what has happened to everyone else's boundaries.
So what exactly are boundaries, how do they protect us, how can we change our boundaries and can boundaries ever hurt us?
My expert for this Conversation is divorce coach, Martha Bodyfelt who specializes in divorce recovery.
You can download Martha's Ultimate Divorce Recovery Guide at her website https://survivingyoursplit.com.
You'll find a guest post from Martha on boundaries at Mandy's blog - https://sincemydivorce.com/tired-getting-hurt-need-new-boundaries - Show more
