Episodes
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The idea that we can control our emotions is both unrealistic and potentially damaging. We can try to shut them down or bury them. But they won’t go away. They can corrode or explode. Better to make sure that our emotions do not control us – and our behavior. We can recognize the emotions and their effect on us. Then work to make sure we don’t give up our agency to them.
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/
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It’s good advice to “be humble in victory and gracious in defeat”, a phrase credited to Chrisopher Earle. Humble: no gloating, no mocking. Gracious: accepting the outcome, no blaming those who enforce the rules fairly, no finger pointing at your teammates. But both can be tough to do, especially in the current political climate in the U.S. Which leads to another quote: “If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.” That might be the best option in interactions with those who have a different political view from yours.
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/
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Missing episodes?
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Empathy is demonstrating an understanding of another person's feelings and needs. Sympathy shows concern for another person’s misfortune, but not necessarily with the same connection. Pity can be sympathy with judgment or condescension. Empathy can be very helpful in the conflict context. Sympathy may be helpful. Pity can create or worsen problems. We need to be careful about what we are feeling and very careful about what we are projecting.
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website:
https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/
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John Ford is a seasoned mediator. He also describes himself as the purveyor of The Empathy Set. These are tools to help answer the fundamental questions that so often lie behind conflict: What are we feeling and what are we needing. The tools include cards, an app, a dictionary and very cool talking sticks. We discuss how to use these tools effectively. To learn more about The Empathy Set and access free resources, visit https://www.empathyset.com/ You will also find there information about The Empathy Set app, which is free to download.
Visit https://www.johnford.com/ to learn more about John’s work.
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on X @conflictsolving.
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When we are in ongoing relationships, such as those in an extended family or family enterprise, we should be on the lookout for conflict patterns. Is there a pattern to when we frequently end up in a bad conflict? A location can set up challenges in at least three different ways.
First, a certain location can be the site of a previous dust-up, disappointment, or even tragedy. Revisiting that particular location can be difficult – possibly for some people and not others. Second, some locations reflect an important power imbalance. Think home teams in sports events. If one person is on their home turf, and others clearly are not, the others may start in a defensive crouch before any interaction at all! Third, some locations are just filled with distractions. A location can also create opportunities for uninvited listeners.
Noticing patterns based on location can help prevent unnecessary negative conflict. But we do need to keep our eyes and ears open.
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/ And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.
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When we are in ongoing relationships in an extended family or family enterprise, we should be on the lookout for patterns. Is there a pattern to when we frequently end up in a bad conflict? Which is probably easier to notice than when we don’t end up there.
One easy-to-detect factor is timing. Are meetings scheduled at a time of day that is primed for frustration? Are participants in decision-making given ample time to prepare for making them? Noticing patterns and taking helpful steps from what we learn from those patterns can lessen the likelihood of unhelpful conflicts.
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.
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In the context of a dispute or conflict, we may easily overlook progress. We might miss markers all together. We may see them but dismiss them as no big deal. Baby steps matter. How?
First, though they may be only slight improvements, they are improvements.
Second, they usually indicate some success in those who are in conflict working together in some small way.
Third, marking that progress – and celebrating it in some even minor way, helps to cementthe progress. To support momentum.
And perhaps most important, where the relationships matter, any kind of joint celebration is good.
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.
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Most podcasts don’t last as long as mine. Some recent statistics are available here: Podcastpage.io https://bit.ly/3THcApJ. Why have I been publishing every week for five and a half years?! I think it breaks down to three things.
First, understanding conflict and helping people deal with it better is my passion -- and has been for decades. Second, the podcast gives me the opportunity to talk with amazing guests. Third, less modestly, I have been working as a conflict specialist, continually learning about conflict and communication, and thinking about it all for a long time …. And, well, I have a few insights of my own to share.
Here are three short episodes that have been particularly popular. First, Episode 6 “Conflict: the good, the bad, and the ugly.” Published on February 6, 2019. 5 minutes. Second, Episode 49: “Let it go”. Published on December 14, 2019. 5 minutes. Third, Episode 256: “We reap what we sow”. Published on November 22, 2023. 4 minutes.
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.
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Kristin Keffler joins me for this episode. Kristin is the author of The Myth of the Silver Spoon: Navigating Family Wealth & Creating an Impactful Life. We talk about Kristin’s personal, educational, and professional journeys – and how those threads come together to inform her writing and her work today, especially for Rising Gens in financially significant families.
Kristin gives us a brief introduction to the discipline of positive psychology. And she shares a few words about the book she co-authored with James Grubman and Dennis T. Jaffee, Wealth 3.0: The Future of Family Wealth Advising.
You can learn more about Kristin and her work on her LinkedIn page: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kristin-keffeler-msm-mapp-245a21/. Her books are available through Amazon and independent bookstores.
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.
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Last time, I talked about the alure of a common language. On the plus side, this shorthandsaves time. A common phrase conveys meaning quickly.When I use it, I demonstrate that I know the lingo of this group. We feel a sense of connection when we use our own group language. What could go wrong? A few things. What if some people are brand new to a group and don’t know the lingo? Will they feel unwelcome? Not sure about speaking up and saying, “I don’t understand”? What if the obvious meaning was clear at one time but times have changed and it’s not so obvious now. Or it now feels a little offensive? And what about times when we would like to include those who aren’t part of the established group. Situations where a general phrase just doesn’t convey enough and each person speaking or listening fills in some understanding – and maybe quite different ones!
The possibility of shorthand doing more harm than good is real. Best to be sure that using shorthand has more benefits than disadvantages.
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.
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Similar ideas expressed differently across groups/identities/fields of interest. Words that are familiar and well-understood within a group. That common language. Shorthand. Lingo. Jargon, even. Why do we do it? It saves time, that precious commodity. It can be a signifier: I understand the language of this group. And it reinforces our connection to each other within the group: this is the way that we talk.
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.
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Douglas Squirrel joins me to talk about the book he co-authored with Jeffrey Frederick, Agile Conversations: Transform Your Conversations, Transform Your Culture. And we discuss an atypical definition of trust, five types of conversations, and what he means by this phrase: “bust your coherence”. You can learn more about the work that Squirrel (as he likes to be known) does and find resources here: https://douglassquirrel.com/. You can learn more about the online community where tech and non-tech executives can learn together here:https://squirrelsquadron.com/.
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.
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LARA is a communication and conflict resolution method.
Listen: First listen with the intention of truly understanding what the person is saying. Affirm: Find something in what the person has said or implied that you share and affirm that. Respond: Directly address the concern that was voiced or the feeling behind it. Ask open-ended questions and then add new information, new perspective or personal experience.
These links have some concise information about LARA. https://www.eatrightillinois.org/assets/Diversity/LARA%20Method.pdf
https://www.fatherly.com/life/lara-communication-method-couples
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.
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Usually, we hear about too much of a good thing. Of course, we might not all agree on whether something even is a good thing. Three separate ideas have cropped up recently about our needing more of something that I, at least, believe is a good thing.More of what we don’t prefer, more polite disagreement, and more benefit of the doubt.
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/ And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.
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Karen Valencic joins me to talk about Akido and conflict, power and force, and the new black belt edition of her book Spiral Impact: The Power to Get It Done with Grace. You can learn more about Karen and her work here: https://www.karenvalencic.com/. Conflictmastery.com will take you to: https://www.karenvalencic.com/membership-site-optin. Find Karen’s profile here: https://www.linkedin.com/in/karenvalencic/ . Contact Karen directly here: [email protected]
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.
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Polarities represent an ongoing situation. They come in pairs. They are interdependent: you need them both, over time. Easy example: inhale and exhale. Harder: when two people see things differently and each one strongly prefers the pole opposite to the one the other person prefers. We can have a natural – initial – tendency to resist seeing polarities where they exist. When we embrace polarities – even if grudgingly at first – we can make real progress. Recognizing that both poles have benefits andthat consistently tipping too far toward either one leads to negative consequences.
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/ And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.
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Paraphrasing my most recent guest, Cathy Carroll: coaches work to have all the right questions, not all the right answers. But when this particular challenge is part of an ongoing relationship, it’s wise to focus on questions before jumping to answers. Asking yourself,what really matters here? What are my interests? My priorities? Is this issue deeply important to me? We often hear about the value of curiosity. Ask the other person. What are their ideas about this situation and how best to deal with it? Their priorities?
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.
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Cathy Carroll is a leadership coach specializing in family businesses. We talk about her brand-new book – the title says it all. Hug of War: How to Lead a Family Business With Both Love and Logic. You can learn more about Cathy’s work and her book here: https://www.legacyonward.com/.
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.
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Structure – of some kind – is an essential element of a model or framework. How would flexibility work without structure? I doubt that you would call it flexibility – the very word suggests a change from something. If there weren’t something solid to start, how could you change from it? It wouldn’t be flexibility then – just confusion, chaos, indecision, meandering, fog. But models, frameworks, processes provide the structure that flexibility requires. Structure without flexibility? That’s also too much of a good thing. Rigid, unwavering, cookie-cutter approaches? They also invite failure.
Not a spoiler alert, but a hint and a heads-up: stayed tuned for more in the coming weeks about polarities – such as structure and flexibility. Like looking at structure and flexibility as concepts to view in harmony, not in conflict.
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/ And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.
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Paul Edelman talks with me about how he works with clients to make more informed decisions, generating better results. We discuss his proprietary COImpact model, a process for better decision-making. Paul used his experience in a variety of settings to create the Context, Outcomes, Implications, and Action model – considering what he had seen to work well … and not so well. You can learn more about Paul’s work here: https://www.edelmancoaching.com/ You can email him here: [email protected] and call him here: 508.847.5300.
Do you have comments or suggestions about a topic or guest? An idea or question about conflict management or conflict resolution? Let me know at [email protected]! And you can learn more about me and my work as a mediator and a Certified CINERGY® Conflict Coach at www.dovetailresolutions.com and https://www.linkedin.com/in/janebeddall/.
Enjoy the show for free on your favorite podcast app or on the podcast website: https://craftingsolutionstoconflict.com/And you can follow us on Twitter @conflictsolving.
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