Episodes
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Thinking about making a career change? Feeling stuck in your job? Curious how to change directions, after you’ve spent years (or decades!) building your career? You’re not alone. According to an Indeed survey, the average age for people making a drastic career change is 39. The leading cause? Happiness.
SHOW NOTES
In this episode, we discuss signs that indicate it might be time to consider a career pivot, such as persistent unhappiness, lack of motivation, health implications, increased comparisons to peers, and reticence towards career commitments. We also share Crina's story of feeling burnt out and uninspired in her job, prompting her to consider a change.
Of course there are ways to make a successful career pivot, especially when you focus on the "working identity" approach. Instead of following the conventional wisdom of knowing what you want to do next before taking action, we explore why doing comes before knowing in the process of career change. And of course there are pitfalls of relying on self-knowledge, advice from friends and family, and consultations with career professionals when considering a career pivot.
Tune in to learn more about how to navigate a career pivot successfully, what to expect after making a change, and how to build a new working identity that brings more happiness and fulfillment. Thank you for listening!
GOOD READS
A Mid-Life Career Shift Is Not a Crisis — Here’s Why You Should Consider One & How to Pull It Off
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How much work is too much work? Can you ever turn it off? We’re exploring the roots of workaholism, its impact on our lives, and—most importantly—what to do about it.
What is Workaholism?The term was coined by psychologist Wayne E. Oates back in 1971, likening chronic overwork to addiction. Just like any other addiction, workaholism can interfere with our health, happiness, and relationships. So, how do we know if we’re truly addicted to work or just really engaged? The answer lies in the motivation behind the grind.
Could this be you?
Sometimes we overwork because of external circumstances such as financial problems, distraction from an unsatisfying marriage, or maybe pressure from our workplace. The differentiating feature of real workaholism from similar behaviors is the excessive involvement of the individual in work when it is not required or expected.
Norwegian researchers the University of Bergen created a work addiction scale which uses the following seven criteria to assess the likelihood that an individual possesses a work addiction:
You think of how you can free up more time to work. You spend much more time working than initially intended. You work in order to reduce feelings of guilt, anxiety, helplessness and/or depression. You have been told by others to cut down on work without listening to them. You become stressed if you are prohibited from working. You deprioritize hobbies, leisure activities, and/or exercise because of your work. You work so much that it has negatively influenced your health.If you answered with “often” or “always” to any of these points, you may be a workaholic. And if we are agreeable, neurotic, intellectual or imaginative, we are more likely
People identified as workaholics often ranked high in terms of these three personality traits:
Agreeableness – Workaholics are more likely to be altruistic, compliant and modest.Neuroticism – Workaholics tend to be nervous, hostile, and impulsive.Intellect/imagination -Workaholics are generally inventive and action oriented.But what to do about it?
Redefine “urgent”Reinvent the to-do listLearning to say “no” and delegateFixing the workaholic clockControlling ruminationEmbracing rest and recoveryPsychological detachment. Physical activity. Relaxation. Mastery experiences (which mitigates the inclinations around workaholism)Our lives are too precious to be consumed with work. While work is fun and rewarding - it is not all things, so let’s not get caught in workaholism or even workaholic behaviors.
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A survey by LLC Inc. of over 1000 people across the US with an average age revealed that 83% of us have coworkers who annoys us, 21% have been so annoyed by a coworker they have considered quitting, and 52% say annoying coworkers prevent them from doing their best work. Yowza - that is something. And what don’t we like about our coworkers? We do not like complainers, laziness, arrogance (our personal favorite), too much talking, negativity, entitlement (okay so maybe this is our favorite), poor communication, oversharing, or gossipping.
So, what do you do when you’re stuck working with someone you dislike? There are some good strategies, but first, get some perspective. How much does it matter and are there ways of looking at it differently?
What to do:
As always, the person we control is ourselves, so when we have feelings of dislike for a coworker, looking inward can be very helpful. Do you let your brain run with every little incident? What do our reactions say about us?
Here is the hard one - be the grown up. The emotionally intelligent grown up. We can stay away from the resentment spiral and remove ourselves from unproductive conversations.
Work very hard to find something you like or admire. People are rarely just one thing and we can usually find something to like or admire.
Being anything less than respectful ends up leaving us with metaphorical egg on our faces. Try compassion and respect - who knows, we may find ourselves surprised by the person we dislike.
If we feel pretty confident with checking in with ourselves, being the grown up, seeing the good and embracing compassion and respect, we will find ourselves in connection, which of course is the big payoff.
And if we cannot get to connect, then we can be strategic about how we expose ourselves, which includes being very intentional about what we need from the interactions we really have to have with the coworkers we do not like.
Not everyone we work with needs to be our friend or even someone we like. While it sure is great when it happens, we can work well when we respect others and ourselves.
Survey Reveals the Most Annoying Coworker Habits - LLC.org
How to Work with Someone You Really Don’t Like
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Unpack the magic of saying “yes” more often, the beauty of spontaneous connections, and why your next best decision might just be unplanned. Even at work!
Most of us pride ourselves on our planning – we are prepared, we are ready for anything and we are efficient and effective – BUT, let’s consider the unplanned.
SpontaneityAccording to Webster’s Dictionary, spontaneity is “without constraint, effort, or premeditation, unplanned or impromptu.” Spontaneous shows our openness, flexibility and our confidence in our ability to handle something new or unexpected.
Why You Need More Spontaneity in Your LifeA poll by OnePoll for Cub Cadet, a tractor company, found Americans make an average of 18 spontaneous decisions per day. Those who identify as spontaneous are more likely to be happy, content, and even stress-free. We’re talking about major decisions here too: spontaneous job changes, last-minute vacations, or adopting that adorable rescue dog.
Tiny Acts of Spontaneity at WorkSpontaneity isn't just for your personal life; it’s for work. Spontaneity boosts creativity and enhances problem-solving. The 10 minute walk you take may lead to a fresh brain and a great conversation with a colleague who you see when you walk in the door. We exercise our agency in the moment and we are refreshed and ready.
Barriers to SpontaneityLots of things get in the way of our spontaneity. Fear of the unknown, a need for control, or others’ expectations can make being spontaneous feel uncomfortable. But here’s a challenge: free up a couple of hours this week, leave it unplanned, and see where your mood takes you. Even blocking free time in your calendar, which is kind of a plan, to see where our hearts and mind take us counts because of the spontaneity in the moment. Spontaneity is the ultimate form of agency, folks. It’s about trusting ourselves to handle whatever comes your way.
How to be more spontaneous: 7 tips to live in the moment — Calm Blog.
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From the sexualized Kamala t-shirts to the way women are treated in areas such as caregiving, menstruation, and menopause, misogyny is pervasive in our society.
Misogyny is defined as the hatred, contempt, or prejudice against women or girls, which keeps them at a lower social status than men, perpetuating the social roles of patriarchy. Misogyny can manifest in obvious and subtle ways, affecting women in various aspects of their lives.
Feminist scholars like Andrea Dworkin and Kate Manne have shed light on the insidious nature of misogyny in our culture. Dworkin argues that society regards women as contemptible and subjects them to violence and discrimination, while Manne describes misogyny as a shock collar that enforces women's subordination in a patriarchal society.
The demographics most affected by misogyny is also alarming, with BIPOC women experiencing its effects in conjunction with racism. From medical research to athletics and law enforcement, examples of misogyny in plain sight illustrate the lack of value placed on women in our society.
Finally, there’s the importance of fighting misogyny in the workplace, advocating for oneself, and celebrating International Women's Day. There are so many amazing women and influential figures like Drew Afualo, who uses her platform to combat misogyny and empower women.
Join us as we unravel the complex web of misogyny, sexism, and patriarchy, and explore ways to challenge these harmful ideologies in our daily lives.
Good Reads:
Misogyny - Wikipedia
Kate Manne: The Shock Collar That Is Misogyny
Celebrating International Women’s Day! [2024 DEI Resources] | Diversity for Social Impact
How Misogyny Became Part of Our Culture & Workplaces | InHerSight
How to Fight Misogyny in the Workplace | Inc.com
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As if FOMO were not enough, now we consider FOBO, or the fear of obsolescence, in this climate of ever changing technology.
SHOW NOTES
Obsolescence is a reduction in our competence as an employee resulting from a lack of knowledge of new work processes, techniques, and technologies that have developed since we completed our education - and that we have somehow missed out on acquiring. As humans we have been becoming obsolete since we stood up on two feet - the hunter gatherers became farmers, the farmers became factory workers and the factory workers have become technology and service industry workers. We know how to do this - on the macro level, as an economy and society.
Trucking is a great example of worker obsolescence. In the early 20th century, truck drivers replaced the cart and horse for deliveries and now the promise of self-driving trucks, making truck drivers obsolete, has done a couple of things in the market - truckers are generally older and the wages have risen according to NPR.
The mysterious threats and impacts of workforce obsolescence : NPR. Older workers with less time in the workforce are willing to keep or go into these jobs, but younger workers with more time to work are far less willing to enter an occupation that may very well go away.
According to a recent Gallup Poll 22% of workers are worried that technological advancements will make their jobs obsolete, a 7% jump since 2021. The increase is being driven "almost entirely" by college-educated workers. The Gallup data shows that men and women currently express equitable trepidation levels when it comes to being replaced by technology. Good to know there is some equity in FOBO!
Fearing obsolescence is not just self-doubt, rather, we fundamentally question our ability to participate in the workforce. When we experience this kind of fear, it can affect our behavior at work and our experience of ease, meaning and joy. In a study of counterproductive work behaviors, researchers found some common counterproductive work behaviors in workers who were experiencing FOBO: attention-seeking behavior; being hypervigilant; and drawing unhealthy comparisons. We can counteract FOBO by focusing our efforts on training - either for the current job or a new one; taking on new opportunities, saying yes and telling yourself the truth about your skills and your current job and its future - and being willing to consider what is next.
MORE GOOD READS
How to Stop Worrying About Becoming Obsolete at Work (hbr.org).
U.S. Workers Face Growing Fears Of Becoming Obsolete— Here’s How You Can Fight Back Against ‘FOBO
’Face Your Fear of Becoming Obsolete
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Questions are vital in all interactions as they transform the mundane into the mysterious and reveal what we don’t know. They’re the Swiss Army knife of communication, spurring learning, innovation, trust, and even mitigating business risks.
SHOW NOTES
Asking great questions isn’t just for consultants and lawyers (aka Crina and Kirsten). It’s a universal skill that makes you more likable, empathetic, and approachable. This ability fosters better decisions and collective intelligence, whether you’re a marketing guru or a freelance artist.
Per the norm, we find gender issues embedded in question asking. Men and women use questions differently. Men often ask fewer questions interpersonally but more in professional contexts. Women, however, are less likely to ask questions in high-stakes professional settings but more in personal conversations. A 2018 study found women were less likely to ask questions in academic seminars, often due to feeling less confident or intimidated by the speaker. Interesting, yes?
There are all kinds of questions and it is good to get clear about these when asking questions.
Investigative Questions: What’s known? These questions can dig deep to unearth nonobvious information, like the time the French railroad overlooked platform measurements and bought train cars that were too large for existing platforms, leading to costly train modifications.
Speculative Questions: What If? These broaden perspectives, sparking creativity. What if we create
Productive Questions: Now What? These assess resources and execution plans.
Interpretive Questions: So, What? These synthesize information, turning analysis into actionable insights. For instance, Tesla’s revolutionary appeal was missed by competitors because competitors focused on Tesla’s minor imperfections.
Subjective Questions: What’s Unsaid? These address personal reservations and emotional dynamics. British Airways missed the emotional reaction of its public when it rebranded.
Listening: The Unsung Hero
To ask good questions, you must listen actively. Presence, curiosity, and connection are key. As Daniel Ek of Spotify says, questioning always circles back to purpose: “Why are we doing things? Why does it matter?”
Questions are more than a tool—they're an art form. From igniting innovation to fostering deeper connections, mastering the art of asking questions can unlock endless possibilities. So, why are you still talking? It’s time to ask your next great question and listen.
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While adversity often results in some kind of growth, many challenges are painful and exhausting - and yet, most of us need to continue to show up at work even during these hard times.
Show Notes
The adversity from personal challenges can lead to personal growth, enhancing life appreciation, personal strength, relationships, spiritual growth, and recognizing new life paths. Although painful experiences are something any of us want, many people experience Post-Traumatic Growth (PTG). No one really wants or asks for that gift, but there it is - even at work.
When we are managing employees in crisis, we can be most helpful by bringing our best in terms of compassion and flexibility. Managers should set a compassionate tone, offer creative solutions, and check in regularly without becoming overly involved or making unfulfillable promises - and even with flexibility remember boundaries. Consistency in treating similar situations among employees is crucial.
Personal crises can impact our work lives - everything from divorce, bankruptcy to illness and death.
During a crisis, brain function is impaired by stress. It's essential to process emotions fully to avoid burnout. Stress perception impacts our functionality: however, viewing stress as a challenge can enhance concentration and performance, while viewing it as a threat increases fear. Key questions to foster a challenge response include identifying control points, specific actions, strengths, and resources.
10 Ways to Function at Work When Your Life is a Mess
Vent Wisely: Vent to a friend outside of work, not coworkers.Manage Information: Inform your manager and selective coworkers about your crisis, keeping work as a non-therapy zone.Prioritize Clients: Maintain professional boundaries with clients, sharing minimal personal information.Prioritize Tasks: Make lists of non-negotiable tasks and break them into manageable pieces. Use a timer for focus.Take Personal Days: A productive day off is better than multiple unproductive days at work.Respect Flexibility: Ensure your flexible schedule meets both personal and organizational needs.Utilize Benefits: Leverage Employee Assistance Programs, bereavement leave, etc.Set Boundaries: Establish clear work-life boundaries to manage stress.Seek Help: Enlist support from team, family, or friends to manage life outside of work.Colleague Support: Encourage compassion, flexibility, and regular check-ins without becoming overly involved.While adversity often results in PTG, leading to renewed life appreciation, enhanced strength, deeper relationships, spiritual growth, and new life directions, we acknowledge that these challenges are painful and exhausting - and yet, most of us need to continue to show up at work even during these hard times.
Good Reads
10 Ways to Function at Work When Your Life is a Mess
How to work when your life is a mess | Alexandra Samuel
PERSONALITY PROCESSES AND INDIVIDUAL DIFFERENCES Rethinking Stress: The Role of Mindsets in Determining the Stress Response | Semantic Scholar
Working Through a Personal Crisis (hbr.org)
How Adversity Makes You Stronger
How to Manage an Employee Who’s Having a Personal Crisis
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We are surrounded by entrenchment - in our communities, at work, in our families and certainly politically. Entrenchment happens when an attitude, habit, or belief becomes so firmly established that it morphs from “what I believe” into “who I am,” and it makes change difficult and unlikely.
Enter fault lines: the cracks that split groups into subgroups based on aligning attributes like race or age. For instance, young Latino players might form a clique separate from older white players in a Major League Baseball team, creating internal conflicts that erode team cohesion and performance.
Faultlines can breed conflict and hamper communication, however, they can also foster a sense of belonging within subgroups. Accountants and marketers might struggle to collaborate due to their different professional languages, yet find comfort and cohesion within their own teams.
To combat entrenchment, leaders need to first understand the different types of subgroups and their effects. Consider spatial presence, surface-level characteristics like gender or race, knowledge bases, and deep-level identities like values and beliefs, which all play roles to a greater and lesser degree in subgroup formation and entrenchment.
Observing team interactions—who talks to whom, who aligns with whom—can reveal existing subgroups. Leaders should also be aware of their own potential alignments with these subgroups. To break down these entrenched barriers, leaders can mix up team memberships, emphasise shared goals and adversaries, encourage formal and informal time spent together, and engage boundary spanners who can navigate between groups. Embracing curiosity about other subgroups is also key.
Other Good Reads:
Toward A Temporal Theory of Faultlines and Subgroup Entrenchment - Meister - 2020 - Journal of Management Studies - Wiley Online Library
Is Your Organisation Digging Trenches or Building Bridges?
Faultline Theory: Why Teams Fall Apart | by Small World Solutions Group | Medium
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On this episode of Crina and Kirsten Get to Work, our gal pals focus on memory, how memory affects the workplace and how we can address or minimize memory issues. Crina had several experiences where people she was in meetings with or spoke to had wildly different recollections of what was said.
Let’s shout out to the ladies’ memories - which are better than males - at least according to
The Wonder Of You: Why Women Have Better Memory Than Men. This may be because memories “stick” better when we pay attention, focus on details and they are accompanied by feelings. It is kind of like telling ourselves a story and it makes our memories better.
Neuroscientist Lisa Genova has done a deep dive into memory and neurological disorders - in fact, she is scientist turned fiction writer telling stories about the experiences of people who experience neurological disorders. Her most recent book, Remember: The science of memory and the art of forgetting is non-fiction. She tells us that memory is essential to almost everything we do - walking, talking, interaction, watching a movie, eating. Without memory, we are untethered to the life we live.
Our brains are designed to remember what is meaningful, emotional, surprising, new and what we repeat and practice. This applies to our four kinds of memory: muscle memory, semantic memory (facts and information), episodic memory (what happened in your life) and working memory (doing things like writing, talking and problem solving).
We create memory when our brain takes in information, weaves it together and stores it to a neural circuit we can later access. Every memory actually changes our beautiful brains. And our memories are surprisingly accurate. We can train our brains to be better at memory, but the passage of time does impact the reliability of our memories.
Stress, lack of sleep, poor diet and lack of sleep can impact our memories. In short, think self-care for a better memory. In addition, writing things down, repeating what you have heard, telling yourself stories, making connections and calming down can all improve memory.
This is all to say memory is remarkable and also not always reliable - if we take care of ourselves and pay close attention our memories will better serve us.
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Who knew that our ears could boost your business game? Active listening skills can amp up collaboration and productivity by a whopping 25%. Learning the art of listening also increases employee satisfaction by 30%. And a staggering 80% of workplace drama stems from poor communication. Clearly, listening isn't just kind — it's powerful. We spend about 45% of our waking hours listening. For the average American, that's around 7.58 hours a day. We hear between 20,000 to 30,000 words daily—way more than the 16,000 words we speak. Sadly, over 70% of workers suffer from poor listening habits, impacting learning (85% of what we learn is from listening) and problem-solving abilities. Listening Statistics – Word Finder by WordsRated; The Biggest Bang for Your Organization’s Buck? Active Listening Skills
Hearing is just your ears doing their job. Active listening? That's your brain going into overdrive, focusing on sounds and extracting meaning. It's a full-on mental workout involving attention, contemplation, and response. According to Harvard's Robin Abrahams and Boris Groysberg, active listening breaks down into three parts:
Cognitive: Pay attention to all the info, both spoken and unspoken.Emotional: Keep calm and carry on, even if you're annoyed or bored.Behavioral: Show you're interested with verbal and non-verbal cues.Ingredients for Active Listening
Presence: Be in the moment. Put down your phone, make eye contact, and show you're engaged. Avoid jumping to conclusions or trying to "fix" things right away.Curiosity: Stay curious and humble. Ask questions to clarify and understand before you respond. Keep power dynamics and past feedback in mind. Connection: Listening is about forming a connection. Understand and honor what the speaker values. This approach can lead to better progress for both parties involved.Mastering the Art of Active Listening
Know Your Style: Identify if you're task-oriented, analytical, relational, or critical. Each style suits different situations.Choose Wisely: Determine the best listening style for the moment by considering the conversation's goals and the speaker's needs.Stay Focused: Don’t let insecurities or distractions (like checking emails) get in the way. Use mantras or meditation to keep your mind on track.Ask Questions: It shows you're engaged and deepens your understanding. Questions can also uncover hidden emotions or unspoken points.Remember, listening is more than just nodding and saying "Mm-hmm." It's about asking insightful questions and being truly present. If we stay curious, stay present, we can not only hear but understand and connect on a deeper level. Active listening isn’t just a nice-to-have skill; it's a game-changer. So, lend an ear, and who knows? You might just hear the next big idea.
What’s Your Listening Style?
What Is Active Listening?
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From embracing discomfort to seeking advice, Crina and Kirsten dive into Dr. Adam Grant’s new book on the science of achievement. Discover how grit and persistence can lead to mastery, no matter where you are in your journey.
SHOW NOTES
In this episode of Crina and Kirsten Get to Work our hosts discuss Adam Grant’s new book on the science of achievement. Ever thought about what you’d like to get better at? Crina wants to learn how to have more fun and Kirsten is still working on figuring out “no.” Sigh.
Mastery can start at any chapter of your life. Take Laura Ingalls Wilder, who penned her first success in her 60s, or Vera Wang, who leapt from ice skates to runway gowns. Julia Child didn’t publish her first cookbook until 50, and Phyllis Diller took up stand-up comedy at 37. Or consider Steve Martin who spent years doing the labor of writing his own jokes to get really good at it - he did not start out being good, he learned to be so very good.
Dr. Adam Grant argues in his new book Hidden Potential that those who might lack natural flair but possess the grit to persist, embrace discomfort, and seek advice often outpace the naturally gifted. Think about it: the kid on the soccer field who isn’t the fastest but keeps pushing might just outshine the rest with sheer willpower.
Society tends to glorify innate talent. First off, it is just fun to watch someone who is innately good at something. We may value innate talent because it gives us an easy out when we are not naturally good at something - we do not have to experience the discomfort of trying. And yet we know that real satisfaction comes from finding our way through the tough stuff. Child prodigies often find real-world challenges daunting precisely because they haven’t navigated the messier, less predictable paths of life. The dichotomy of talent and challenge is fundamental to understanding our hidden potential.
Grant suggests that we embrace the discomfort that signals we are learning, mix up our routine to keep things interesting, and engage in the dual dance of seeking and giving advice. And there is so much more in Hidden Potential so give it a read.
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In this episode of Crina and Kirsten Get to Work, our “hosts with the most” discuss not giving a #%$X! Yes, friends, there are times when we should care less about work. Our precious mental, emotional and even spiritual energy are really better used on something else.
There is so much we can care about at work - what other people think, what other people do, outcomes we cannot control, what information we do not have - just so much and yet when is it really worth it to care?
Our duo starts with what is worth caring about:
Our personal relationships.The responsibilities we agree to take on at work, in community, or with our family and friends.Our professional/ personal development - being our best selves, which also includes really liking who we turn out to be.Our financial security.Our values and ethical and moral principles - living with integrity.Work weaves its way through many of the things we care about. The challenge with work is that many of us tend to define ourselves by our work.
Harvard Business Review interviewed 700 employees and concluded that while passion at work is generally a good thing, too much passion leads to burnout and a little detachment goes a long way to creating a sustainable relationship with work, with reduced burnout, enhanced creativity, increased resilience, better focus and better decision making. Don’t Let Passion Lead to Burnout on Your Team (hbr.org)
So how to do we give less of a #%$X without getting ourselves into the #%$X?
Ask yourself why: Carefully consider why you care so deeply about something? Is it just about ego or is it really consistent with the list above (relationships you value, principles you hold dear . . .).
Ask yourself whether your response/involvement is really that important: Doing nothing can be perfectly appropriate; and remember most people care far less about what we do than we think.
Pur your job in context: A job is not the be all and end all of your life and if it is, that is a new issue to consider. For most of us a job funds our lives and those of the people we love.
Create boundaries between work life and personal life. Boundaries between work and personal are key to caring a little less when caring is overwhelming. Do you leave on time, do you check your emails all evening, do you cancel time with friends and family because of work emergencies? Creating stronger boundaries can help us create that work life balance, which may just need a little less caring.
And remember there are really always four responses to a situation:
Exit: remove yourself from the situation; do nothing; LET THEM Voice: take action and try to improve the situationPersistence: stay in, kind of grin and bear itNeglect: stay but reduce effortWe have options in deciding how much we care. And we need to wisely use our caring energy.
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Let’s have some good news about women at work. And what better place to look than in the news from all over the world.
In a great story out of Australia, we can all have a good chuckle about an art installation that excluded men and the legal challenge that ensued from a man who felt he was not getting his money’s worth because he could not access an exhibit only available to women. The Court disagreed with the man who filed the suit finding that he was experiencing exactly what the artist wanted him to experience - exclusion. Museum behind ladies-only art exhibit sued by man who was denied entry - National | Globalnews.ca
And here in the US, women are reentering the workforce at a record pace. This resurgence appears to be linked to women coming back to a more diverse set of industries and positions more women in leadership and the flexibility offered by hybrid work. 3 Reasons Women Are Reentering The Workforce At A Record Pace
In a study commissioned by the non-profit Girls Who Code and its Moms First campaign, Boston Consulting Group found that on-site childcare, close to site childcare, backup childcare and childcare stipends had impressive returns on investment - anywhere from 90% to 425% - all we can say is WOW! BCG Report, 2024 - Moms First
NPR reported on Icelandic women continuing their tradition of striking to create equity in pay for women and non-binary people. Women and nonbinary Icelanders go on a 24-hour strike to protest the gender pay gap
And last up - we know women have typically had to work harder than men for the same pay and recognition. This travesty does not apply to exercise. The Journal of the American College of Cardiology found that women get more benefits than men from the same amount of exercise.
And that is the good news, listeners.
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On this episode of Crina and Kirsten Get to Work our hosts explore executive presence for women at work. Sylvia Ann Hewlett, an economist and the CEO of Hewlett Consulting Partners, said that executive presence is the difference between merit and success. We can sometimes cringe when we hear and talk about executive presence because it can feel like a call to be someone other than who we are - the requirement to fit into a mold to be a leader. No, say our hosts!! The new executive presence is about authenticity and inclusion.
Hewlett conducted surveys in 2012 and again in 2022 that tell a story of significant shifts in our view of executive presence. The New Rules of Executive Presence (hbr.org). Hewlett says, “[t]he old ideal—shaped and embodied by white male CEOs who ruled the U.S. and European corporate worlds through the beginning of this century—has long been eroding.”
Executive presence is made up of gravitas (think confidence and decisiveness); communication (think clear and direct) and appearance (think authenticity). In 2012, Hewett’s survey showed that having “a blue-chip” pedigree was important for gravitas, and that characteristic did not even make the list in 2022. In 2022, respect and inclusiveness were more important to executive presence than they were in 2012. Another shift was seen in the communication element of executive presence where in 2012 “forceful” was important and in 2022 “listening to learn” was important to executive presence. Even our view of executive presence as it relates to appearance has changed - while being polished is still important, authenticity has risen to one of the most important factors in the appearance component.
Executive presence is learnable - and you do not have to master all of the elements. Focusing on your authentic strengths can improve your executive presence. Hewlett’s work tells us two important things: 1. we can be our authentic selves and have executive presence; and 2. executive presence in the workplace is more inclusive than ever before.
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Microstress differs from traditional stress in its subtlety and frequency. These small, often unnoticed stressors can accumulate and greatly impact our well-being, both mentally and physically. Join us as we uncover the hidden impacts of microstress and explore strategies to combat its effects for a healthier, more balanced life.
SHOW NOTES
While traditional stress arises from major life events, microstressors are small, often unnoticed, and yet they can accumulate and significantly affect our well-being. Microstress, unlike what we think of as more conventional stress, does not provoke the same physiological response as bigger stress - so our body is not working to protect us from stress in the same way. Microstressors can be categorized into three main types:
Draining our capacity to get things done: These microstressors often make us feel like we're failing at work and in our personal lives. Examples include misalignment with collaborators on roles or priorities, uncertainty about others' reliability, and an overwhelming number of tasks or responsibilities.Draining our emotional reserves: These microstressors are caused by others and can leave us feeling emotionally depleted. Examples include feeling responsible for the success and well-being of others, confrontational conversations, and a lack of trust in our social network.Challenging our identity: These microstressors can trigger feelings of discomfort, making us question if we're truly living in line with our values and goals. Examples include pressure to pursue goals that don't align with our personal values, attacks on our self-confidence or worth, and negative interactions with family or friends.The effects of microstress extend beyond mental health, impacting physical well-being as well. It disrupts the body's ability to maintain internal balance, leading to issues like "brain fog," where cognitive function is impaired - and even affects our body’s ability to process food. Despite these challenges, there are strategies to mitigate the effects of microstress.
Pushing back against microstress in practical ways—such as learning to say no to small requests, managing technology to reduce interruptions, and readjusting relationships to prevent others from putting microstress on you—can be effective. Rising above these stressors, by keeping them in perspective and not letting them consume us, is another valuable approach.
Human connection emerges as a powerful tool in combating microstress. Engaging with others helps develop brain circuits that manage our reactions and emotions, alleviating the burden of stress. By cultivating diverse connections and engaging in meaningful activities, we can create a multidimensional life that buffers us against the effects of microstress.
Join us as we explore the world of microstress, uncovering its hidden impacts and discovering strategies to combat its effects. Learn how small changes in daily life can lead to significant improvements in overall well-being.
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Embarrassing yourself is the key to success - well, not exactly, but there are benefits to embarrassment. In this episode of Crina and Kirsten Get to Work, our hosts delve into this unusual emotion - embarrassment - hot head, panic, stomach upset, racing heart, sweating - and all of the things.
SHOW NOTES
Science tells us embarrassment is a unique emotion - unlike an emotion such as fear, we need to think before we can feel this emotion. Rowland Miller at Sam Houston University tells us, “we become embarrassed when we perceive that the social image we want to project has been undermined and that others are forming negative impressions of us.” But there is more to embarrassment.
John Sabini of the University of Pennsylvania and his colleagues found embarrassment is likely to arise when a person anticipates a disruption of smooth social interaction and/or faces a situation without clear social expectations . She is not worried about making a bad impression, but rather she does not know what to do next.
Sabini defined three kind of embarrassment:
Faux-pas - food in your teeth when meeting your new bosscenter-of-attention - being the guest of honor at a surprise partysticky-situation embarrassment - having to fire someone or give hard feedbackCrina adds a fourth type, vicarious embarrassment, to this list - the feeling of being embarrassed for others.
Embarrassment serves a few important purposes. Embarrassment signals others that we know we stepped in it and these negative feelings discourage us from doing it again and encourage us to make repairs with others. It can also encourage us to prepare for a situation to avoid being embarrassed.
Research published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found people who expressed more outward signs of embarrassment while describing their embarrassing moments (such as tripping) also reported a tendency to be more "prosocial" — that is, kinder and more generous.
Researchers also found that when the study’s actor expressed embarrassment, study participants found the actor more trustworthy and wanted to affiliate with him more. Embarrassment can humanize a leader because it helps break down the barriers between team members and the leader and ultimately allows for stronger connections to form. Does the leader have some humor about her embarrassment or are they prickly and defensive about the embarrassment? A leader’s response to embarrassment can set the tone for the team.
When we think about how to respond to embarrassment, research suggests most people tend to overestimate how much others notice our embarrassment. We can help put embarrassment in context by detaching ourselves and thinking about how we would react as an observer of our embarrassing situation. It’s likely we will find grace, distance and context in that exercise.
We know embarrassment does not feel good, but it communicates we care and presents opportunities to consider our behavior and be more connected with those around us.
The Surprising Perks of Being Embarrassed
Oh no you didn't!
Journal of Personality and Social Psychology,
Countering embarrassment-avoidance by taking an observer's perspective | Motivation and Emotion
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There are good reasons why women don’t speak up at work, but that silence is not serving us. When we communicate publicly, assertively and honestly for the rights and needs of ourselves and others, we’re shifting the power dynamics that have held us all back.
SHOW NOTES
First, we know that women are more likely to speak up for others than they are for themselves. We also know from the research that women are far more likely to be interrupted and talked over. A 2014 study by Harvard Business Review found that while men and women see this as a problem, men tend to attribute this to a woman’s failure to make their point in a strong, clear way - or getting rattled and allowing themself to be interrupted. Women tend to attribute this to feeling isolated and not liking conflict.
Our hosts delve deeper into what the research says about why and here is what they found:
Insinuation anxiety, which is the fear of insinuating distrust or disapproval of someone else.Fear of embarrassment, need we say more?Pluralistic ignorance, which is when we tend to sit around thinking someone else in the group will speak up - also known as the bystander effect.When we do not speak up , we end up less of all the good things - physical and emotional well-being and more of what we do not want, stress and unhappiness.
There are some key times to speak up: when our boundaries are violated, when we notice someone is upset, when something goes against the rules, when we recognize danger and when no else does.
Dr. Sunita Sah at Cornell University suggests preparing to speak up can be helpful and asking for more time if you need it. Crina and Kirsten add, being clear, avoiding over-explaining, being compassionate and honoring your preferences.
The benefits of voicing your thoughts are high - more authenticity and more satisfaction. It is also critical that each of our very special and unique voices are heard.
MORE GOOD READS
Speak Up at Thanksgiving. Your Health Demands It
The Unavoidable Trap of Politeness: Why Is It So Hard to Just Say “No”? ‹ Literary Hub
Opinion: Why you find it so hard to resist taking bad advice - Los Angeles Times
Women, Find Your Voice (hbr.org)
Speaking Up for Yourself Is Important — 11 Steps to Get It Right
Why Is It So Hard to Speak Up at Work? - The New York Times
The Effect of Gender on Interruptions at Congressional Hearings | American Political Science Review | Cambridge Core
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Love and work embrace as hosts Crina and Kirsten explore how to infuse our work with love. From expressing love through our tasks to cultivating a service mindset and practicing generosity, this episode serves up a recipe for success that's as fulfilling as it is rewarding. Let's bring more love into how we do our work!
SHOW NOTES
Crina and Kirsten dive into love and work, where Albert Brooks, Oprah Winfrey, Marcus Buckingham, Bob Rosen and Joe Ricciardi serve as guides to infuse our conversation about doing our work with love. Forget the notion that work and love should be kept in separate corners of our lives; we're here to blend them together like the perfect cocktail - at work! As Kahil Gibran said, “work is love made visible.” Our work is an amazing opportunity for us to express love - something we are made to do.
Our duo digs into the different flavors of workplace love. There's love of purpose, love of accomplishment, love of colleagues, and even love for ourselves. Each adds its own unique flavor to the workplace stew, creating a recipe for success that's as fulfilling as it is rewarding.
There is also the opportunity to infuse the work we do with love, which is something we do not talk about as often - how we talk with customers and clients; how we build the thing we are building at work; how we write the memos and letters and emails - with each task there is the opportunity to infuse the task with love.
How do we put this into practice? We can adopt a service mindset, practice generosity, show compassion, and create trust. And let's not forget to sprinkle gratitude on top—it's the secret ingredient that ties everything together. Expressing love in our work is a blend of these concepts.
So, as we bask in the love of Valentine's Day, let's make a pact to bring more love into how we do our work.
GOOD READS
What's Love Got to Do With Work? | Psychology Today
Marcus Buckingham: Why “Love” Is the Key to Career Success (hbr.org)
The Only Career Advice You’ll Ever Need - The Atlantic
How To Bring More Love Into Your Work - Eat Your Career
Love At Work: Here's How To Truly Show Love To Your Colleagues This Valentine's Day (forbes.com)
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In the world of work, where productivity and success are often measured in tangible outcomes, the concept of social capital emerges as a crucial element. It goes beyond the conventional understanding of networking and friendships, delving into the interconnected networks, shared norms, and trust that form the glue holding people and organizations together. And there are chickens . . . .
Crina begins with a story about her husband, Barry, that illustrates what can be the natural and organic creation of social capital. Despite facing skepticism from some team members who deemed it a waste of time, Barry's emphasis on communication among co-workers is creating a cultural shift at his work, fostering collaboration and teamwork. This anecdote parallels a study of chickens, yes, chicken! The study reveals that individual productivity, while initially successful, ultimately hampers overall success when it comes at the cost of suppressing others and focusing on self.
Robert Putnam's research at Harvard helps us understand that social capital extends beyond the workplace, encompassing community bonds and shared values. It differs from mere friendship or networking, encompassing trust and reciprocity - and it is kind of all of those things rolled into one. Social capital is a catalyst for societal well-being, impacting employment levels, academic performance, physical health, economic growth, and even crime rates - and really impactful to teams.
Research highlights the numerous benefits of social capital in the workplace, including lower turnover, improved performance, increased knowledge transfer, innovation, and career mobility.
Social capital at work looks like giving, connecting, and valuing others' expertise without expecting immediate returns is emphasized. It's about building trust and authenticity through reliability, transparency, vulnerability, and empathy. Social capital is not a quid pro quo - or you scratch my back and I will scratch yours.
However, the downside of social capital is also acknowledged. Tight-knit networks may inadvertently exclude non-members and create conformity pressures, potentially limiting personal freedoms.
Social capital is not just a soft skill but an imperative for individuals and organizations. It involves creating a culture that values relationships, fosters trust, and recognizes the unique contributions of individuals. In the dance of productivity and success - and well being - social capital gets us a long way to creating a harmonious and thriving workplace experience.
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