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Dear friends,
I hope you are well and taking care.
On tonight’s Hunter’s Supermoon, I bring to you this meditation—a simple practice to honor October’s full moon.
One of the reasons I return to meditation over and over and use it to honor the moon cycle is because it allows me to just be a witness. So often I remind myself that I am my only witness, and at the same time, God is my only witness. Only we know exactly everything we go through. I appreciate the time I carve out for myself to tune into nature’s rhythms, to reconnect, to breathe.
Lately I find myself wanting to be quieter and quieter. The more I learn, the more I realize I know nothing at all. I’ve been reflecting on this blog and on podcasting and all the online things, and although participating in the internet world in these ways has been a goal of mine for a long time, I’m actually realizing it may not be my goal anymore. I think about how badly I wanted these things and I realize it was because I felt the need to prove something—to myself, to my family, to the people in my life. Like I needed to “make it” for my life and all the things I’ve been through to matter, to mean something, to be worth it. And this is nothing new. I think a lot of us have these feelings, whether conscious or unconscious. These feelings are probably why most of us try to do anything at all.
And I’m not saying there is anything wrong with that. I just don’t think that’s my story anymore. Since I’ve been building esteem for myself, I’m realizing there are so many other facets of life that matter to me and so many other things that feel 100x more rewarding than trying to be someone on the internet. There is already so much noise out here, already so many platforms trying to steal our attention. I do not wish to subscribe, and I am not a subscription service.
And the higher self esteem has never been built through my engagement online; rather, it’s been built through applying conscientious effort in areas of my “real” life—my practices including meditation and yoga, prayer, strength training, my career, my community, my family. Real life is more tangible, more immediate, more direct. And leaning into making all of those corners look a bit nicer has allowed me to create a beautiful home for myself, within myself, and for those who’d like to take a visit or maybe even stay a while.
My senior quote in high school was, “Success is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it,” from Maya Angelou. By that definition, I am already successful. And that feels really good. Now, I just get to enjoy and keep at it. I don’t need to rely on outer validation to make my life mean something. It naturally does. All of our lives do.
So on this full Hunter’s Moon, I contemplate keeping quiet just as the hunters have to when they are hoping to catch their prey. The juiciest stuff happens internally and in real life. My goals are changing, meaning I am evolving. Double Blind is now Moon Nectar. I’d like to welcome you to a new era, and at the same time, this may also be goodbye.
And I’ll leave it at that.
With love,Keeza
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This is it. About four years into the making now (or maybe even longer), and the first episode of my podcast has arrived. The idea to put my voice out into the universe occurred to me many years ago. It was something I knew I had to do. But there was also a lot of life to get through. There were many iterations of myself which I had to experience to get to this point. There were many attempts and failures and depressive periods and periods of enlightenment and periods of starting over and over and over before being able to get to this point.
More on my creative journey and the creative processes of artists in the future. For now, I’m proud to share this first episode. And although it’s here and in the world and has some sense of officiality to it, I release this with the awareness that this is a beginning. This episode has minimal editing, most all the “ums” and “likes” in my speaking. The sound quality could be better, the production too. But here I begin, and I invite and look forward to all the changes that will come over time. I’ve always been fascinated by the process, the construction site, the blueprint. So rarely are the “in progress” moments shared or seen or celebrated. But as I discuss in the episode, the failures and mistakes are precisely the indications that learning and change and growth have taken place. And that is how my work is grounded. I hope that in witnessing my stumbles, my processes, and my trials, that maybe you feel safe witnessing your own, too.
Mentioned in the episode
January 8
All writers are vain, selfish and lazy, and at the very bottom of their motives there lies a mystery.—George Orwell
For the most part, we receive too much information. We’re bombarded with print, sound, images. Many of us cultivate a healthy skepticism: we consider the source. What does this person, this agency, this network, this advertiser, or this elected official stand to gain from telling me this information?But we cannot doubt everything. Humans need to believe in something, even something wildly implausible on the face of it. Thus, cults and causes abound. In the age of widespread corruption and cynicism, faith also is widespread.Faith is healthy; it is an affirmation of human worth and continuity. Fortunate are those of us who have both strong faith and good judgment. Belief in the essential goodness of our fellows and in the basic rightness of our world can renew our vitality and remind us to treat others with the respect due their humanity.Sometimes, faith is betrayed; sometimes, we stumble. But the delusions or mistakes of others need not sour us; they are part of the mystery.
I will believe in my own capacity for goodness, and all will be well.
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