Episodes
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Sometimes suffering lasts…and where is God in this? How do we find joy, hope, and love when life becomes undone?
When life doesn’t make sense, we need a theology of suffering that helps us expand to hold the brokenness & beauty of our world together. Over the last few months, we’ve been hearing from 8 wise, kind, and deeply authentic people about their stories of pain & sorrow, and what they’ve been learning about hope, lament, joy, and courage when life get really hard. In this episode, I wrap up our “When Life Doesn’t Make Sense” series by sharing some of my reflections on the ways hardship shapes us, why the story we tell about our suffering matters, and how lament invites us back to a place of belonging in the bigger story that God is telling with our lives.
*Some of the concepts of this episode were taken and adapted from The Theology and Psychology of Suffering by Tyler Staton.
Last week's episode: The Things My Eating Disorder Taught MeGet Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTubeGrab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm FineConnect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__ -
Over the last 6 years of recovering from an eating disorder, I’ve known one thing to be true: mental health struggles are difficult to describe, and they can be exhausting to live with. It’s a daily waking up to an inner battle that can be overwhelmingly unnoticed by others, and there is a certain strength that is required to endure pain that lingers, especially when it’s unseen.
As we wrap up our second podcast series “When Life Doesn’t Make Sense,” I share one of my stories when life hasn’t made sense: receiving an eating disorder diagnosis. Whether your story holds a similar diagnosis or a different kind of addiction/mental health struggle, or if you’re listening on behalf of a loved one, this episode is for you. I put some words to what mental health struggles can feel like, what my recovery journey has looked liked, and what my eating disorder has taught me along the way. I hope you’ll listen in.
*In this episode, I mention suicide/suicidal ideation. If you’re thinking about suicide and need to talk to someone, call or text 988. If you are worried about someone, you too can call or text 988 to get resources. Remember: you matter. Please listen with care.
Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTubeGrab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm FineConnect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__ -
Missing episodes?
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I recently heard loneliness described as “an agonizing hunger.”
It is possible to be in a room full of people and to feel more lonely than if the room was empty. It is to be unseen. And being unseen by those close to you is, in some ways, worse than having no one see you. This form of loneliness has a name: emotional loneliness, and can be experienced by anyone, regardless of your marital status.
In this episode, my friend Carley joins me to share about her experience of emotional loneliness, woven throughout her story of singleness. By inviting us into the ache of this story, Carley beautifully extends an invitation to all of us: that the very place where we feel most deeply alone is where we can most fully receive the welcome of God. I hope you’ll listen in.
Get a copy of Lindsey Gibson's book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature ParentsLearn more about Richard Schwartz's books No Bad Parts & You Are the One You've Been Waiting ForGet Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTubeGrab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm FineConnect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__ -
Have you ever poured out your feelings to God, before editing your words?
So many of us have internalized a narrative that stuffing down our emotions is strength. As children, we may have witnessed how “being fine” was praised and celebrated…and in some Christian contexts, even called spiritual maturity. So, we grew into adulthood having learned to disconnect from our own inner cries.
In this episode, my friend Lauren joins me share about a recent miscarriage. By inviting us into her own grief and pain, she beautifully models why we have to let ourselves notice, name, and feel our emotions. It is the cost of being emotionally alive. It’s the cost, even, of holiness. Pouring out our big feelings to God is how we experience his presence in our pain. This takes tremendous courage. But, as Lauren helps us understand, unless we make space for our emotions, we cannot know the depths of God’s love. I hope you’ll listen in.
Check out Lauren's books Unstacking Your Grief Tower and What Made That Feel So Hard?Learn more about the organization that Lauren founded TCK TrainingGet Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTubeGrab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm FineConnect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__ -
The image of the family is so deeply imprinted onto us: pressed into our minds, hearts, and sense of who we are in the world. What do we do when our families are sources of pain or confusion… or worse, harm, neglect or abuse? In this episode, my friend Ashley joins me to share about a painful relationship with a parent. She puts words to the long-lasting impact that absent or abusive parenting can have on our relationships with ourselves, others, and God.
Ashley sifts through these experiences with such wisdom, care, and surprising gentleness, inviting us into her own internal process of making sense of her childhood, naming how she’s been wronged, and offering compassion to the younger versions of herself who ached to be safe, held, and loved. She bears witness to the costly pursuit of learning and unlearning ways operating in the world that are no longer necessary, and of trying to live between the love you understood and the love that every child deserves. I hope you’ll listen in.
Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTubeGrab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm FineConnect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__ -
What do you do when it feels like God broke His promise to you?
Grief and pain come to us all, and sometimes they come through shattered dreams: when life crumbles, and with it, the God you thought you knew. In the disorientation and confusion of what grief can be, we can experience a death without a funeral. Those unseen, unclear deaths of ideals, expectations, hopes, and even versions of ourselves.
In this episode, my friend Melissa joins me to share her about her family’s move to Togo, West Africa as missionaries…in which they staked everything they had…to the excruciating decision to return to the US just a few years later. She puts words to the visceral feelings of failure, shame, and not-enoughness that can surface when your whole world “dies.” By guiding us through her own messy, interior journey, Melissa beautifully models how staying awake to these deaths can be the crucible in which new life and spiritual wholeness is birthed. I hope you’ll listen in.
Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTubeGrab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm FineConnect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__ -
What do we do when something unexpected happens, and life suddenly curls up into the frightening mark of a question? When we’re standing on shifting ground, how do we live this question well?
In this episode, my friend Iris joins me to share about an injury during high-school that nearly resulted in the loss of her leg. She puts language to the panic, powerless, and self-contempt that can come when something happens in our lives that we would never choose. With gracious honesty and gentle humor, Iris helps us understand how being transformed into a person who experiences the Shepherd as near and kind begins by practicing a a more compassionate posture towards the darkest parts of yourself and your story. I hope you’ll listen in.
Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTubeGrab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm FineConnect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__ -
I often wonder if, in our Western context, we’ve so fused the American dream with the risen Christ that when suffering enters our lives and does not leave quickly, all we know how to do is hide, judge, or despair. Prolonged, continual experience of weakness, pain, or loss often places us in a position that feels vulnerable and unsteady. How do we keep on living with pain that has no foreseeable ending?
In this episode, my friend Jenn joins me to share about her husband, John’s, cancer journey. While suffering can cause us to question God’s nearness, Jenn bears witness to the truth that living with pain that lingers can mean more fully receiving God’s presence that lasts. I hope you’ll listen in.
Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTubeGrab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm FineConnect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__ -
One of the hardest questions to answer in life is not “Does God exist?” but “Is God kind?”
Sometimes, unspeakable things happen at the hands of others. Experiences of spiritual abuse in particular shatter our ability to trust ourselves, God, others, and the world around us. When the hands that harm us embody the words and face of Jesus, it can feel as if we’ve been given the raw data that God is not good.
Today, my friend Jennifer joins me to share her excruciating story of spiritual wounding and sexual abuse from a church leader. This conversation is both profoundly painful and profoundly beautiful. By bearing witness to the truth of her wounds, Jennifer welcomes us to see the larger truth that the Wounded One walks with us… and even if we walk away, he still walks with us. I hope you’ll listen in.
*Jennifer is currently in the process of editing and updating her book. A link will be provided below as soon as the revised edition is available.
Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource emailWatch this episode on YouTubeHinds' Feet on High Places by Hannah HurnardThe Body Keeps the Score by Bessel van der KolkGrab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm FineConnect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__ -
So many of us have experienced a before and after.
A "before” you knew that life was fragile…and an “after.” When you can’t go back. You can’t un-know. You are changed. In some ways, grief will always be accompanying us. Where is God in this? And what do we do when, like David expresses over and over again in the Psalms, we feel a sense of divine abandonment or betrayal?
In this episode, my friend Jessica joins me to share about her recent miscarriage journey. Although she shares about the loss of a child, she speaks to the emotional undercurrent of loss in a way that I think will deeply resonate with many different experiences of sorrow. What Jessica does so beautifully is put words and phrases to the devastation of loss in a way that feels anchoring, truthful, and sacred. I hope you’ll listen in.
Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTubeGrab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm FineConnect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__ -
Sometimes suffering lasts…and where is God in this? How do we find joy, hope, and love when life becomes undone? These are two questions that I’ve sat with over the last few months. In this episode, I set some groundwork for our next series “When Life Doesn’t Make Sense” and give you a glimpse of some of the guests I’ll be hosting on the podcast over the next several weeks.
In many of our Christian contexts, we’ve internalized a belief that we demonstrate holiness by demonstrating happiness. I share some raw and honest reflections on my story as I trace the threads of this belief throughout my own life up to this point. However, as I’ve taken a deeper look at the life of Jesus, I'm learning that emotions are not the opposite to faithfulness. They can actually be a compass, leading us to a God who is present, even in suffering.
Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resource email Watch this episode on YouTubeGrab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm FineConnect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__ -
There’s a myth that is easy to buy into: that obedience to God will equal an easy life. In our modern context, many of us have absorbed an understanding of faith that requires life to work out…but what happens when it doesn’t? In this next podcast series called “When Life Doesn’t Make Sense,” I’ll be hosting conversations with wise, deeply authentic, and kind people about their stories of pain and sorrow, and what they’ve learned about hope, lament, joy, and courage when life falls apart. My hope is that these conversations offer words and phrases that capture the emotions of your heart and give voice to your pain. Conversations that I pray will encourage and sustain you for the days and weeks to come.
Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resourcing email Watch this episode on YouTubeGrab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm FineConnect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__ -
What does it mean to love someone who has hurt you? In today’s episode I’m joined by my friend Ashley Volk, who received her certificate in narrative-focused trauma care from the Allender Center. In her experience over the last few years in facilitating Story Work groups, she has identified 7 important questions to consider when engaging with someone who has hurt you. We unpack each of these questions together and explore how love can take many different forms: from having a hard conversation, to putting up a firm boundary, to no longer engaging in the relationship. All of these options could be the right option when grounded in a prayerful discernment and Holy Spirit-driven love.
LINKS + RESOURCES FROM THE EPISODE:
Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resourcing emailThe Allender CenterBold Love by Dan Allender & Tremper LongmanThe Place We Find Ourselves: Episode 93 with Adam Young Watch this episode on YouTubeGrab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm FineConnect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__ -
To wrap up our first series on the podcast, I’m giving you the microphone to ask me your questions. I love hearing your voices whenever I can, and I think this will be a lot of fun. I’ll do my best to offer some solid and thoughtful responses, if not answers.
LINKS + RESOURCES FROM THE EPISODE:
Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resourcing emailOpen Path Collective16 Weeks to Finding Stillness CourseWhy Am I Like This? by Kobe CampbellHold That Thought by Gem FadlingAnxiety Grounding Technique YouTube Video Watch this episode on YouTubeGrab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm FineConnect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__ -
The experience of anxiety is often coupled with a felt-sense that withdrawing and hiding is our safest option. It can have a crippling effect, reshaping the way that we engage in relationships and even the way that we inhabit our bodies. Of course, the goal is to move through our anxiety into a calmer, more regulated state. But do you know that there is an incredibly wise & kind part to your anxiety? Anxiety is often like a blinking light on the dashboard of your heart, alerting you of places inside of you that are hurting or not yet healed...and in doing so, invites you be loved here. In this episode, I explain why the antidote for anxiety is not a solution, but connection, and why healing often begins with the brave and risky act of being known.
Get Faith & Feeling's weekly resourcing email Watch this episode on YouTubeGrab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm FineConnect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__ -
Triggers can be a confusing word. At its heart, triggers are reactions to past trauma. They are not just about remembering past pain, but reexperiencing past pain as if it were happening in the present. But what do we do when we are triggered? Although there are no skills that can make a person stop themselves from ever being triggered again, there are skills that allow us to cope until we are less disarmed them and by the painful memories they bring up in us. In this episode, I explain three practical strategies for coping with triggers…and why practices like these are critical for spiritual and emotional health.
Subscribe to Faith & Feelings on Substack Watch this episode on YouTubeGrab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm FineConnect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__ -
Triggers can make us feel like we’re on fire when there is no flame. But what actually is a trigger? Being triggered is not the same as being uncomfortable. Being triggered isn’t just about something rubbing you the wrong way. When someone is triggered, it means that they are having a strong, reflexive reaction to something that wouldn’t ordinarily cause that response. At its heart, triggers are reactions to past trauma. They are not just about remembering past pain, but reexperiencing past pain as if it were happening in the present. In this episode, I talk about how triggers form, two kinds of triggers, and why triggers can actually invite us into deeper healing and wholeness.
Subscribe to Faith & Feelings on Substack Watch this episode on YouTubeGrab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm FineConnect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__ -
The anxiety that you feel today is not random. Anxiety in adulthood is often rooted in unprocessed stories of trauma… stories that our minds may have forgotten or suppressed but that our bodies still remember. As I talked about last week, our present anxiety is often trying to tell us some really important things about the story of our lives up to this point. But if you decide to begin reflecting on your childhood, what things should you be looking for? In this episode, I highlight 3 specific ways that trauma and anxiety are connected. I also share a personal story about a traumatic experience when I was 10 years old that has contributed to a pattern of anxiety in my life.
Want to explore the connections between trauma & anxiety more deeply? Check out my online course 16 Weeks to Finding StillnessSubscribe to Faith & Feelings on Substack Watch this episode on YouTubeGrab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm FineConnect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__ -
Have you ever wondered where your anxiety comes from? Many people are unaware that patterns of anxiety in adulthood are often rooted in unprocessed stories of trauma. Trauma has a tendency to hide, but the symptoms don’t lie. Our anxiety is often trying to tell us some really important things about the story of our lives up to this point. In this episode, I explore the questions “What exactly is trauma?” and “What makes something traumatic?” I also address a core reason why childhood trauma can be especially difficult for Christians to name & acknowledge.
Subscribe to Faith & Feelings on Substack Watch this episode on YouTubeGrab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm FineConnect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__ -
Worry and anxiety are often blurred together as the same thing. But do you know that they actually have distinct differences? In fact, our ability to differentiate worry and anxiety is essential to be able to process them in a productive and healthy manner. I explain how worry and anxiety are different, and how they go together within the larger context of your nervous system. What I cover in this episode might surprise you! But I can personally speak to how these insights have helped me process what I'm feeling more quickly, and with so much more clarity...as they will for you, too.
Subscribe to Faith & Feelings on Substack Watch this episode on YouTubeGrab a copy of my book Stop Saying I'm FineConnect with me on my website Find me on Instagram @__taylorjoy__ - Show more
