Episodes
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Episode notes available at https://husbandhelphaven.com/episode-24/ Do you need help reconnecting with your wife? Maybe you need to know some specific things to say to your wife to navigate the often-challenging conversations that happen during separation? Or maybe you just want some tips to be a better husband overall. In today's episode of the Husband Help Haven Podcast, I'm going to share some good ol' fashioned communication advice to help you build a better connection with your wife, whether you're happily married or in the thick of separation. As you listen, you'll learn about 8 different three-word phrases that you can and should incorporate to your conversations with your wife. For each phrase, I'll tell you what it really means beyond just the words spoken, and I'll tell you how you can use it both in a happy marriage and a broken one. This is a little different from our normal separation-focused topics, but should still be helpful for all men who care about being an excellent relationship partner.
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Show notes and video for this episode can be found at https://husbandhelphaven.com/episode-23/ How do you know when it really is time to be done waiting for your wife to come back? This is the other side of the question answered in the previous episode. As a pro-marriage optimist, please know that I'm rarely going to tell you to move on from your marriage, but in this episode I will share the reasons that I've seen other separated men make that decision for themselves. I will warn you, unlike the last episode, this one may not be very encouraging. But this is a real-life question that comes up regularly, especially among men who have endured lengthy or difficult separations with no end in sight. However, even though this episode is an answer to a somber and difficult question, we will make sure to finish on an encouraging note -- you'll learn why my hope is that hearing the reasons men decide to be done waiting could actually help you more confidently choose to keep going.
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Missing episodes?
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Show notes and video available at https://husbandhelphaven.com/episode-22/ Do you ever question if it's worth waiting for your wife to come back? Does it feel like your separation is dragging on indefinitely? We all need to be reminded sometimes why we do the things we do. This episode is for the men who are sick of being in no man's land, and need a pep talk to remember why they're still holding onto hope for their wife. When you're doubting whether it's worth it to keep going, I want this episode to be one that you can listen to and go, "Oh yeah, that's why I'm still waiting for my wife... That reason is worth choosing to keep going.
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"Stephen, I know you can't tell me an exact timeframe, but based on your experience, how much longer do you think this separation will last? How long 'til she comes back? How long til she pushes through the divorce?" I get this sort of question a lot, and I understand why. Separation is hard. Being able to have some reasonable expectation of how much road you have left to travel would help you set realistic expectations. Obviously I can't predict the future, but today I'm going to walk you through seven questions that you can ask yourself to help figure out how much longer your separation might last. The factors we address in these questions each affect the duration of a separation, so knowing where you stand in these areas will help you predict if you'll end up on the long side of an average separation, or not. Plus, I'll tell you how long the average separation lasts so you have a sort of baseline to work from. If you want to see a sort of "cheat sheet" for these factors, head on over to https://husbandhelphaven.com/how-much-longer/
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Show notes for this episode at https://husbandhelphaven.com/marcus-interview/
Not every story has a happy ending.
Or maybe, the happy ending isn't always what we believe it will be.
That's exactly the case for Marcus Farris, a former Peace & Control student who is now living on the other side of divorce. In today's episode, we sit down to talk honestly about what happened in his marriage, separation and divorce. He bares his heart and shares all his struggles and successes that he experienced on his journey through marriage crisis.
Even though Marcus didn't end up saving his marriage, he is still every bit a success story in my book. As you listen to his story, you'll see what I mean - he learned the hard way that you can't put your full worth and happiness in the hands of another person. But what came out the other side of that hard lesson is a man who is loving, confident and impactful.
In addition to generally sharing his story, a few specific topics we hit on in our extended conversation include...
How did he handle his wife's infidelity? Did he confront the other man? What most helped him survive his marriage crisis? How does he reconcile the reality of his divorce with his belief as a Christian that God is good and hates divorce?It was a privilege of the highest order to host Marcus on today's podcast. If you like hearing his insights, be sure to check out his new book that goes deep on his journey through divorce. It's called No Less Faithful and you can get his free Love-Loss-Recovery one-week plan at https://www.nolessfaithfulbook.com/
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In the last episode, we talked about how to get out of your wife's friend zone when you're early in the separation... But what about when you're beginning to rebuild the marriage on the other side of separation?
What do you do when your wife is starting to come back, but can't seem to get those pesky "feelings" back?
That's the subject of this week's episode. We'll talk about developing an effective mindset to survive this phase of separation, and what you can do to lead the way from a genuinely renewed friendship with your wife back to a loving, happy marriage.
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"Stephen, my wife and I get along great, but she has no attraction to me. I think I'm stuck in her friend zone. What should I do?"
This is the question we'll be answering on today's episode of the Husband Help Haven Podcast. I'll tell you right now, I don't particularly like the term "friend zone", but it's one that many separated men use when describing their current relationship with their wife.
In this episode, I'll tell you why I don't like the term, what I think the actual problem is, and what you should do if you're in this position. Here are some of the topics we'll cover:
When does this friend zone question come up? Why I don't like using the term in separation? What the friend zone problem actually describes? What are some solutions to your wife's awareness of mismatched attraction?If you'd like insight into any of these questions, grab a cup of coffee and start listening!
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Thankfulness and marital separation seem like they'd go together about as well as oil and water...
What could you possibly have to be thankful for when your life as you knew it has been thrown into upheaval?
In this episode, we're going to talk about three things:
Why thankfulness is important and how it will help you navigate separation better Specific things you can be thankful for, even when you're separated What you should do when gratitude feels impossibleWhether you're celebrating Thanksgiving this week or not, gratitude is timeless and it has a direct relationship with how much confidence you retain as you navigate through your separation.
Why?
Because when you seek gratitude in no man's land, you refuse to let yourself be dominated by negativity - despite the discouraging, seemingly impossible obstacles that may lie in front of you, you can still determine yourself to seek humble thankfulness to combat your pride and keep your motives where they need to be.
I'm not saying this is the silver bullet that's going to transform your marriage overnight. But when you set an example of thankfulness to your family and perhaps even to your wife, even when life is difficult, that has very real value - and that's why we're talking about it today.
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The holidays can be tricky when you're separated. Made worse by the fact that the new year is often a time where a separated wife may choose to move forward with divorce.
How do you make the most of this holiday season if you're already separated? What can you do to get the best possible chance of positively impacting your wife's decision about the marriage? What if your wife has already come out and told you she plans to file after Christmas?In this episode, I'll share the 7 most common pieces of advice that I give men at this time of year. These are tips intended to help you stay stable, focused and confident as you navigate the last weeks of the year.
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Today's episode is in response to a recent question I got from a guy named JD. Basically, his wife is doing things that he feels are truly unacceptable, so his fear is that continuing to forgive her will simply enable her bad behavior.
I love this question because it highlights two important concepts that often come into play during separation:
Forgiveness and boundaries.
How do these two concepts coexist? Should you continue forgiving your wife even when she's breaking the boundaries of the relationship?
Throughout the episode, we'll look at what forgiveness and proper boundaries each do in a relationship, and then I'll tell you my answer to JD's question and the best way for YOU to show your wife strength when she continues doing things that are unacceptable.
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Today we're answering three reader-submitted questions:
Question #1 - How do you have an open and honest conversation with your wife while you're separated? Question #2 - If you were the one to have an affair, do you do anything different to try and get your wife back? Question #3 - If your wife starts warming up to you AFTER you've stopped saying 'I love you', should you start trying to be affectionate again?Since each of these questions were submitted by a Husband Help Haven subscriber, you'll be hearing the real problems other men are having in their marriage, as well as the advice I give in each situation.
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Today's episode is a little different. Instead of direct separation-related strategy, we're going to talk about two important reasons to do the hard, but good thing in your marriage.
Most HHH readers / listeners can identify with doing the hard, but good thing. After all, being the only one to fight for your marriage is exactly that.
When you do the right thing, the good thing, when the outcome isn't guaranteed, when even recognition for trying isn't guaranteed... Is it worth it? In this episode, I give two reasons why I say yes.
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Trust is something we've talked a lot about on Husband Help Haven, and for good reason. It is a prerequisite that must be in place before you can rebuild romantic love with your wife.
In today's episode, we're going to talk more in-depth about what exactly trust means in a relationship and what elements of trust may be missing or damaged in YOUR relationship.
Then, we'll talk about three unconventional - but powerful - ways you can look to rebuild trust with a separated wife, even when things are distant and even when she is adamant about not coming back to the marriage.
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How do you endure a separation that drags on for months on end?
In today's episode, I'm sharing the 5 most common reminders that I give to men who are in long-lasting separations.
For example, how do you keep the ball rolling once the relationship starts to improve? How do you handle a wife that keeps bringing up divorce, but still hasn't filed? How do you stay stable and consistent through the chaos of separation?Spoiler alert, these are the things that you probably already know, or that already make sense to you, but they are easy to forget as the separation drags on and new challenges arise.
So, if you want some extra encouragement as you navigate the ups and downs of waiting for your wife to figure out what she wants, this episode is for you. And make sure you listen to the end for a special announcement!
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Over time, I've noticed that there tend to be four major stages between marriage and divorce...
Those four stages of separation are:
She says she wants out Plans are made to live separately Someone moves out Divorce is filedToday's episode covers these stages in what I call the Separation Roadmap.
It is an overview of each one of these stages with answers to a few key questions about each one.
What's going through her head? What mistakes do men tend to make at this stage? What have I seen get good results in each stage? What does reconciliation look like if it happens at each stage?Obviously, every separation is different and sometimes stages get shuffled around or combined, but MOST separations go through at least three of these stages before the divorce is final.
If you want to know a bit more about where your separation is at and get some potential new ideas for creating positive change in your relationship, this episode ought to do both those things for you.
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Today we'll be wrapping up the Get Your Wife Back With... series with a look at enforcing boundaries during separation. Learn how enforcing boundaries can be the thing that sparks your wife to change course and rethink leaving the marriage
Yes, believe it or not, I have seen marriages saved when the husband draws a line and enforces a boundary. The most common way this is done is with an ultimatum... "Do this, or else that will happen." "End the affair, or else I'm moving forward with divorce."
It should come as no surprise that enforcing boundaries is a last resort during separation. And of all the avenues we've presented in this series, this is the only one where YOU are taking back control of the separation. In this episode, you'll learn what boundaries are justifiable to enforce during separation (hint: there's one big one) and how you can go about doing that with the best possible chance of reconciliation.
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Can friendship pave the way back to a happy marriage?
In the fourth episode of the Get Your Wife Back With... series, we're looking at how to get your wife back with friendship. Seems simple on the surface, but we'll talk about when it works best, signs that you're doing it right, and a couple extra things to know when trying to compete with some of the new friends your wife may have made for herself during the separation.
Plus, we'll talk about how to get your wife on the same page with you so that you both accept and engage in friendship with each other, without putting pressure on her that you're trying to manipulate her back to the marriage.
Overall, my hope is that after this episode you will understand the role of friendship with your wife during separation, how it can help you, and how to apply it to YOUR separation.
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How do you get your wife back with fatherhood? Can stepping up as a father help you rebuild connection and trust with your wife during separation? If so, how?
In part 3 of the Get Your Wife Back With... series, we will examine the role of good parenting and how that can help bridge the gap of separation to find common ground with your wife.
Obviously, this only applies if you have kids, but for fathers going through separation, this episode will go in-depth on everything you need to know to help your wife see you in a positive light as you step up with your kids.
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In the second episode of our 5-part Get Your Wife Back With... series, we are taking a look at how to get your wife back with space. No, I don't mean staring up at the stars together, I mean shifting your attitude towards distance in the relationship during separation.
Most separated wives ask for space at one point or another. In this episode, we'll talk about how you can respond to that desire for space in a way that sets you up for future reconciliation.
More specifically, we'll talk about how giving your wife space can actually be a productive part of separation if you approach it with the right mindset. We'll talk about what that mindset should be. We'll also touch on when you should give space vs when you should lean in and pursue, and you'll learn how to tell when you're doing it right.
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The first of a five-part Get Your Wife Back With... series, in this episode we will talk about how to get your wife back with attraction.
Attraction - something we talk a lot about here on Husband Help Haven - is the feeling that creates a wanting from your wife for the marriage. Often, it's one of the biggest things missing by the time a marriage hits the point of separation.
In this episode, we'll dive deep into attraction during separation. You'll learn what your goal should be for rebuilding attraction with your wife, when it works best, how to do it, and signs you're on the right track.
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