Episodes
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It's election week and... things aren't going well in Chelsea and Donny's brains.
The Cuties are not letting Dick run their life, but they are letting Ryan Bailey (someone who likes to eat ass on camera) celebrate the 50th Anniversary of Watergate with them by recapping the 1999 Kirsten Dunst/Michelle Williams movie, "Dick." Ryan spends the episode trying to figure out who the target audience was for this movie while Chelsea spends the episode giving history lessons. Then, Ryan shares a story about his worst date and Donny educates them on the early 2000s gay porn, "The Hole." Also - were Pepe and a pimp involved in Watergate?
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(This episode originally aired in July of 2022!)
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We’re fine. We’re great. (Not really.) After a hard week, Chelsea threw the party of the century that left Donny jealous. But the week also included Octavia Spencer - as Ma - endorsing Kamala Harris, Nick Cannon’s insecurities about marrying Mariah Carey, Vicki Gunvulson’s deal with the Devil, and Zoe Kravitz and Channing Tatum’s separation. Also, Donny educates on the best ways to gaybait as Chelsea begins a new book club - Sarah J. Maas’s Crescent City series. Finally, Donny is begging you and everyone you’ve ever watched to watch The Wasp (the best movie he’s ever seen? Besides Ma - has it been 10 years yet?) After this episode, you’ll never think of clams again.
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Missing episodes?
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The Cute Ones may look the best they’ve looked all month, but they do have some issues…for starters, Chelsea couldn’t dress like Joan Cusack for this episode, and to make matters worse - Donny doesn’t know how to make his Wednesday Addams costume slutty. But wardrobe problems aside, the duo discuss The Addams Family, as well as teachers with glass eyes and wooden legs, the beauty of Anna Chulmsky, tax write offs, bad posture, and how fun it would be to con a family. Cuties, if you know the logistics of the Addams Family, please let Donny know - ARE THEY DEAD? And answer this question: Is Merida from Brave pretty?
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If today's episode makes you laugh or scream, please do us a favor and rate our show 5 STARS on Apple or Spotify This is the easiest way for us to grow our community!
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Happy Halloweekend, Cuties! It’s warm as hell due to climate change, so put your Lenny Kravitz scarf to the side and instead watch The Wild Robot on cable TV, strut through the Fall Fun Run and watch adult videos for 45 minutes because it’s Friday! TGIF. The Cute Ones discuss Wicked (again), but more importantly Cynthia Erivo’s meltdown (get it?) and Alamo Drafthouse’s terrible plan for Wicked showings. Then, Chelsea educates Donny about Skibidi Toilet (and Kim Kardashian’s new jewelry). Also… Is your p*ssy green?
This episode is sponsored by Ro. Memberships start at just $99 for your first month. Visit ro.co/cuteone
For AD FREE EPISODES, as well as unedited audio and video, and bonus episodes, subscribe to our Patreon!
If today's episode makes you laugh or scream, please do us a favor and rate our show 5 STARS on Apple or Spotify This is the easiest way for us to grow our community!
We’re on YOUTUBE! Be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss a second of our hijinx - now on video!
Follow Us on Social Media!
TikTok: @cuteonepodcast
Chelsea: @ohnochels
Donny: @realdonnywood
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Cuties, do you want to play a game? Chelsea and Donny wish they would have played a game instead of watching a movie this week because Saw ain’t it. (If you like this movie, seek help!) And because the Cute Ones hated it, they instead talk about Alice in Wonderland, Danny Tanner learning Spanish, how they’d terrorize customers if they worked at Dick’s Last Resort, the hottest dogs from Oliver and Company, and the disgusting bathrooms of straight men (and this all in five minutes). Also, eat your yogurt quieter!
This episode is sponsored by Ro. Memberships start at just $99 for your first month. Visit ro.co/cuteone
For AD FREE EPISODES, as well as unedited audio and video, and bonus episodes, subscribe to our Patreon!
If today's episode makes you laugh or scream, please do us a favor and rate our show 5 STARS on Apple or Spotify This is the easiest way for us to grow our community!
We’re on YOUTUBE! Be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss a second of our hijinx - now on video!
Follow Us on Social Media!
TikTok: @cuteonepodcast
Chelsea: @ohnochels
Donny: @realdonnywood
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Cuties, if you have prime boi pv$$i, this episode is for you! The Cute Ones are joined by comedian Peter Toto (@petermarietoto) to discuss bald men, Andrew Garfield’s breakup with the witch after his chicken shop date, and Ariana Grande’s SNL episode (which is great since Peter has a history with her… online, at least). And Cuties… Chelsea needs to speak to you: not hehe haha news. Also, Vanessa Hudgens, if you’re reading this, email us and let us know!
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Don’t fret, Cuties - Chelsea is NOT in Blackface for this episode, but Donny is using slurs (only the ones Lacey Chabert says, though!) As the Cute Ones watch the 2005 werewolf flop, Cursed, Chelsea educates Donny about how to survive a bear. She also sings the Baby Bottle Pop jingle for whatever reason. Also, wrestlers are not sexy (neither is farting while peeing), but Donny is - especially in this week’s costume, which could explain why he’s in his Fxck Boi era. RELEASE THE MANDY MOORE CUT.
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Donny’s on the mend and Chelsea is doing more voicework as they discuss the latest developments in RugTok and the downfall of Rainforest Cafe. And in a week that brought us Kamala Harris on Call Her Daddy, the 20th Anniversary of Desperate Housewives, Wicked tickets going on sale, and the announcement of Princess Diaries 3, Donny decides to discuss what he’s currently watching (English Teacher on FX). Then, Chelsea educates us all on how awful the Blake Lively interviewer is. Also, which dog would you save if you played Project Makeover?
TO DONATE AND HELP THE VICTIMS OF THE RECENT HURRICANES:
World Central Kitchen
East Tennessee Foundation
If today's episode makes you laugh or scream, please do us a favor and rate our show 5 STARS on Apple or Spotify This is the easiest way for us to grow our community!
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Chelsea’s costume may not have arrived in time for today’s recording, but perhaps it’s fate as it led to her dressing as the best movie character of all time. This week, the two watch “Daybreakers,” which leads Donny to explain why he’d be the Paris Hilton of vampires as Chelsea… goes on a Justin Bieber deep dive? Then, they brainstorm where they’d hide during the apocalypse and rate what makes the best kind of man: one with an older brother or one with an older sister. Then, Chelsea teaches Donny science. Also, we need to know: do you have a beauty mark or do you have a witch wart?
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It’s October 3rd, Cuties (well, it was) and Chelsea isn’t wearing pink, but she is speaking like the Queen of England in hopes that her children will listen to her, and Donny is trying to figure out if he’s a bad person. When Chelsea wasn’t doing accent work, she’s been watching “Will & Harper” and Donny has a new favorite book that he hasn’t read, “Disney High: The Untold Story of the Rise and Fall of Disney Channel’s Tween Empire.” Besides that, this week brought us the trailer to “Are You Smarter than a Celebrity,” Joel Kim Booster coming for Shannon Beador, Sabrina Carpenter’s involvement in Eric Adams’ indictment, and the vice presidential debate. Also, is it proper wedding etiquette to wear a wig and create content while there?
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Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice, butt juice! This week, the Cute Ones answer important life questions: Is being called Diane Lane a compliment? Is Beetlejuice’s hair just a Ben Franklin wig? And most importantly - Can horse girls be goth girls? Besides that, the duo discuss where they’d haunt if they were ghosts, how intolerable undead theater kids would be, and the worst place to wait in line. Spinning head.
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Chelsea may be out for revenge, but Donny is out for knee surgery after sliding across the floor at the Disney rave. In this episode, Chelsea educates Donny on heterosexual sex and he educates her on Imodium use before they discuss the twists (or lack thereof) in “Blink Twice” and M. Night’s “Trap.” (Justice for Lady Raven!) They also dive into “Scream” and “I Know What You Did Last Summer” reboot news and Stephen Baldwin’s digs about Leonardo DiCaprio.
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After the Cute Ones fight about Lifetime movie look-a-likes and Tony Danza appearing gay, they spend the time figuring out who is the Crazy One as they cover the 2002 feminist flop, Swimfan. They spend the hour comparing their motives for being nuts, contemplating if Donny is having a midlife crisis, praying for the release of Jesse Bradford and Azealia Banks’ leaked tapes, and arguing with Gen Z about their hatred of sex. Then, Chelsea talks about her hatred of silver jewelry while Donny shames unprofessional restaurant employees. Shoutout to our UK Cuties; your music is more fun!
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Happy half birthday, Donny! To celebrate, his penis is growing and he’s telling Big Brother 26 alumni about Chelsea’s hatred of men. Meanwhile, Chelsea has been talking to cat people, making jewelry out of teeth, and using Chat Roulette with a personal pan pizza. After 20 minutes of that, the Cute Ones discuss the Emmy Awards, Trump’s hatred of Taylor Swift, Diddy’s arrest, an asteroid zooming past earth, and more importantly - Pixar and DEFINITELY NOT GAY Riley in “Inside Out 2.” Then, the duo shout out THEE icon of 2024: the 8-year-old girl who went missing in Ohio. Eat our asses, Candace Cameron.
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After watching a movie that somehow Chelsea and Donny both enjoyed, Chelsea tries to ruin it by talking about feminism right off the bat. Unfortunately for her, this movie has a second message that Donny can fully support. But the duo bonds over learning lyrics, their origin story, the way to impress them at karaoke, and Donny’s history with Chris Daughtry. Also, if you recently met Chelsea, she is keeping a burn book about you. Finally, the Cute Ones brainstorm how they would get rid of Stuart Little.
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Chelsea and Donny are trying to be grown ups this week, including not soiling themselves, doing some banking, contemplating getting a kitten, and having A-Ha moments. This week also brought us the Presidential debate, the VMAs, Rachel Zoe’s divorce, and Kendrick Lamar being announced as the Super Bowl halftime performer, but the duo won’t be talking about that - instead, Donny finds an excuse to discuss JonBenet Ramsey and the new Brandy movie, and Chelsea has been binge watching “The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives,” and she can’t stop talking about it.
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Brittany Murphy isn’t the only crazy bxtch in this episode, Cuties. Little Black Book may have had Chelsea pacing through her house, but it’s nothing compared to how she and Donny have made their exes sweat in the past. However… that’s nothing compared to Donny actively bleeding from the head through this recording. It may cost $450 to rent a moon bounce, but that won’t stop this duo from getting one (and a lie detector test.) Also, can we remake Gilmore Girls starring Holly Hunter? (While we’re at it, back the Clueless TV show!)
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Happy Friday, Cuties and Fallen Angels! You should be successful 100% of the time, so we hope you want to be thrown in chaos right now… because this episode will make sure you’re successful at it. Get felt up in an escape room for an hour and pull up a chair because this week was full of headlines: the anniversary of Obama’s tan suit, the Beetlejuice Beetlejuice premiere, the end of brat summer, and strange noises coming from Butch Wilmore’s stranded Boeing ship. Then, Chelsea lies about being a Gavin DeGraw fan when the One Tree Hill reboot is discussed. Also, Donny’s lip may be uneven, much like Shannen Doherty’s eyeball.
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With the break from movies over, it’s time for Donny to confess something to Chelsea. Consider it revenge for her picking a movie longer than 2 hours. More revenge is dished out when Donny shares details about his lust for Ben Stiller while discussing Mystery Men. Also, Chelsea is not a supportive spouse but Donny is a gassy one. Perhaps it’s the grocery store-bought tuna melts. And remember: when you doubt your powers, you give powers to your doubts.
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Now that the horse party is over, silence is officially upon us, but not for long if Donny gets his way and shouts slurs at the start of every episode. And if Chelsea gets her way… you’ll be seeing a lot of raccoons. But besides that, the US Open began, Oasis is possibly reuniting, and a Baywatch documentary premiered. Also, Chelsea only had to bring up Truman Capote once to get Donny interested in the Haley Jakobson “Old Enough” drama. Also, Channing Tatum doesn’t do laundry. Or didn’t in 1999. Donny surely doesn’t know. #TeamSharpay
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