Episodes
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Just the Guys has its first guest, author Brian Hight. Brian and the guys talk about his book and being intentional!
Brian Hight has a career dedicated to servicing marine and laboratory electronics, where he honed his understanding of technically intricate systems. Outside of work, his passions include hiking, electronics, and clay and stone carving, forming a blend of technical precision and creative exploration. He lives in New Zealand with his wife, Sheila, and has one daughter.
You can find his book An Intentional Marriage at:
https://www.amazon.com/Intentional-Marriage-Tools-Stronger-Relationship-ebook/dp/B0CW1FMQBH
Print book coming soon!
About the Book:
Brian Hight takes us on a deeply personal journey, revealing how unintentionality nearly shattered his marriage. While his Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD-1) and introverted nature played a role, it was ultimately his choice to stop investing in his relationship that led to the crisis. With raw honesty, Brian shares his struggles and triumphs, offering insights into the tools that helped him regain mental, emotional, and relational strength.
This book isn't just a memoir; it's a guide for anyone seeking to forge a path of intentionality in their own relationships. The author's experiences serve as a beacon of hope, illustrating that this journey is not a single event but a lifelong commitment to finding the best in yourself, your world, and especially in your significant relationships.
The second half of this book is a toolbox of tips, tools, and techniques that discuss ideas and activities that the author has used as part of his journey toward intentionality. Some are practical, and others are conceptual, but all of them have helped him focus on how he can be more present to himself, his surroundings, and especially to his wife and marriage. -
If you have been following our podcasts for a bit, you know we are fans of Dr. Jim Wilder, and we talk about joy, hesed, group identity, and healthy correction often. Today, we have with us Chris Coursey, who has authored and co-authored several books on Joy using Wilder's principles and theoretical foundations.
Today we discuss?
What is Joy?
Can I have Joy while things are bad?
What is a Joy -Gap?
How are quieting and joy related?
What is the difference between solitude/isolation and quieting my brain?
About our Guest:
For over 25 years, Chris has been developing and practicing brain-based solutions to make relationships work. He started out his career specializing in severe trauma and abuse and also pastored a small congregation in Michigan for a number of years. Chris is a published author with ten books in print, including “The Joy Switch: How Your Brain’s Secret Circuit Affects Your Relationships - And How You Can Activate It.” He co-authored his most recent book, “The 4 Habits of Joy-Filled People” with Dr. Marcus Warner.
Chris enjoys spending time with his wife, Jen, and their two sons, Matthew and Andrew. In addition to studying, writing, jogging, and exercising, he enjoys the outdoors and is one of the rare people who actually likes the snow.
Find out more- how to practice and learn skills we mentioned today at:
https://thrivetoday.org/relationalskills/ -
Missing episodes?
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If you have been following the podcast, you have heard Dan and Stephanie talk about joy, hesed, group identity, and healthy transformation. Today, we talk with Michel Hendriks, the co-author of The Other Half of Church.
About our Guest:
MICHEL HENDRICKS (MDiv, Denver Seminary; BS, University of Colorado) has been a teacher and trainer for more than twenty-five years. He is the former pastor of spiritual formation at Flatirons Community Church in Lafayette, CO. He has also served and trained people in Argentina, Bolivia, Mexico, Kenya, South Sudan, and Uganda. He is the author of Basic Training for Walking With Jesus and Intentional Apprenticeship. He and his wife, Claudia, have three adult children. -
Today, Dan and Stephanie talk about blindspots, receiving feedback, perspective-taking, and the Johari window. What is the Johari window? Listen to find out!
If you really want to do a deep dive into Feedback skills- take our course as a self-study or reach out for coaching!
www.christianneurodiversemarriage.com
Group Coaching- Select Receiving Feedback and Relational Skills -
Today, we talked about TBI, TIA, and when autism is combined with personality pathologies such as narcissism.
From Jodi's website about her:
Throughout my journey as a therapist, educator, and coach, I have amassed more than 20 years of experience helping people with a multitude of challenges, including autism, ADHD, anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, trauma, abuse, and codependency. I completed a bachelor’s degree in psychology in 1997 and received a master’s degree in counseling in 2000. I am trauma-certified and trained in Accelerated Resolution Therapy and hypnosis.
Although my professional training and experience have provided tremendous knowledge and insight, it was my 19-year neurodiverse marriage, being a mom to my autistic daughter and ADHD son, and my relationships with other neurodiverse loved ones that have truly served as my personal training ground for understanding and embracing neurodiversity.
In addition, I am a survivor of narcissistic abuse in multiple relationships beginning in childhood. I know the feelings of confusion, heartbreak, resentment, anger, terror, desperation, and hopelessness. I have been love-bombed, devalued, discarded, physically and verbally intimidated, and gaslighted. I have experienced shame, guilt, humiliation, and the desperate desire to be loved by others who were incapable. Through years of my own therapy, I unraveled and healed from my own traumatic abuse. I confronted codependency, a dysfunctional survival mechanism from childhood that I brought into my adult relationship. I have emerged wiser and stronger. I learned to love and value myself, allowing me to safely and securely love and be loved by others through connected communication, healthy boundaries, realistic expectations, care, empathy, compassion, and affection.
My abusive past caused fear and uncertainty for me in my neurodiverse relationships, which are fundamentally confusing for individuals who are neurological hard-wired differently from one another. Over time, I’ve noticed a common pattern in relationships where both neurotypical and neurodivergent partners have often endured abuse in their past relationships or during childhood. This history hinders partners from establishing safety and building trust that is necessary to cultivate a loving connection.
Today, I am compelled to support others in finding their way through confusion and hardship, ultimately leading them to clarity, peace, and joy in their lives. I have built an educational and coaching program aimed at assisting you in comprehending yourself and understanding your loved ones better. Moreover, this program equips you with valuable tools to make informed decisions and enhances your communication and connection skills, enabling you to thrive in relationships.
Find Jodi's courses or more information about Jodi at:
https://jodicarlton.com/
Disclaimer:
When we have guests on the ASR podcast, they are recognized for their expertise on autism as an advocate, self-advocate, clinicians, parents, or other professionals in the field. They may or may not be part of the faith community; having a guest on the broader topic of autism does not reflect complete agreement with the guest, just as many guests may not agree with our faith perspective. Guests are chosen by topic for the chosen podcast discussion and are not necessarily in full agreement with all beliefs of the chosen guest(s). -
Today, Dr. Stephanie interviews Kristin Walker about her later-in-life autism diagnosis.
About Kristin:
Kristin Walker is the founder of the Mental Health News Radio Network and the Autism Podcast Network. With over 75 individual podcasts covering all aspects of mental health, she continues to host her own podcasts. She nurtures others who want to spread awareness, inclusion, and knowledge of their mental health journeys via their podcasts.
Disclaimer:
When we have guests on the ASR podcast, they are recognized for their expertise on autism as an advocate, self-advocate, clinicians, parents, or other professionals in the field. They may or may not be part of the faith community; having a guest on the broader topic of autism does not reflect complete agreement with the guest, just as many guests may not agree with our faith perspective. Guests are chosen by topic for the chosen podcast discussion and are not necessarily in full agreement with all beliefs of the chosen guest(s). -
Join Dr. Holmes and Dr. Ratliff Schaub as they discuss differentiating autism from other issues as well as the prevalence and genetic issues associated with Autism.
Dr. Karen discusses common medical issues that may also occur for her patients on the spectrum.
Bio
Dr. Ratliff-Schaub is the Medical Director of Developmental Pediatrics and Program Director of the Developmental-Behavioral Pediatrics Fellowship at Prisma Health Upstate Children's Hospital. She is an Associate Clinical Professor of Pediatrics at the University of South Carolina Greenville School of Medicine. Prior to coming to Greenville in 2018, Dr. Ratliff-Schaub was faculty at The Ohio State University and The University of Toledo. She graduated from Northeast Ohio Medical University, did her Pediatric Residency at Medical College of Ohio and Developmental-Behavioral Pediatric fellowship at University of Maryland. She has extensive experience in Autism and quality improvement and is passionate about improving access to care for children with autism.
Disclaimer:
When we have guests on the ASR podcast they are recognized in their expertise on autism as an advocate, self-advocate, clinicians, parents, or other professionals in the field. They may or may not be part of the faith community; having a guest on the broader topic of autism does not reflect complete agreement with the guest, just as many guests may not agree with our beliefs and faith. -
Today, Dan and Stephanie talked with Dan Chrystal about the complexities of communication. We talked about basic communication skills and complexities in neurodiverse relationships.
About our Guest, Dan Chrystal:
Dan Chrystal, MBA, is a husband, father, author, speaker, and life coach. He has over 28 years in executive leadership and relational coaching, including six years as an administrative officer of a large faith-based nonprofit organization, and also served as the Director of Sponsorship and National Church Relations for Bayside Church in Roseville, CA. Dan is passionate about helping others love their neighbors as themselves and is a dedicated life, career, and couples coach. He holds an MBA in Executive Leadership from Purdue Global University and is currently studying Law at Purdue Global University Law School. Dan’s ministry experience spans almost all pastoral positions. He is a committed student of “Relationships” and believes deep, meaningful relationships are God’s design for us. He is the author of Lost Art of Relationship and Discussions for Better Relationships.
For more, see Dan Chrystal – Book Author – Discussions for Better Relationships | LinkedIn -
Usually, Dan co-hosts the podcast, but today, Dr. Stephanie interviews Shawna Meek on betrayal trauma. She will speak to us from her personal and professional experience. This is part 1 of 2. of her story. In part 2, her husband will join Dan and me to discuss their processing of healing in their neurodiverse marriage.
About our guest:
Shawna is an author, a Professional Certified Coach through ICF, a member of the board of directors, and a coaching supervisor with the Association of Partners of Sex Addicts Trauma Specialists (APSATS). She began her work in the field of specialized coaching through APSATS, and further expanded her expertise with training in Gottman Level 1 & 2, Early Recovery Couples Empathy Model, Couples-Centered Recovery, and Asperger Autism Network.
Her primary focus is supporting women experiencing betrayal trauma and couples who have experienced infidelity and are in a neurodiverse marriage with Autism and Asperger profiles. She currently reaches women around the world through her website, podcast appearances, group and individual coaching, and supervising other professionals.
She is the founder and owner of Living Stones Coaching, based in Arizona. She is the author of the book, Determined for More, based on her own 25-year marriage journey, available April 2024.
Living Stones Website at www.livingstonescoaching.com -
Today, Dan and Stephanie talk about a topic that is listener-requested!
Many listeners asked to talk about pornography, sexual addiction, and autism.
Today we have as our guest Dr. Jake Porter for this discussion.
We will discuss:
What is the difference between porn use and porn addiction?
What is sex addiction?
If a spouse acts out sexually or with porn, is that the spouse's fault?
What is betrayal trauma?
How does porn use and sex addiction impact the spouse?
What about 1 Corinthians 7 and "your body is not your own?"
Dr. Jake is a specialist in this field as well as a former pastor who speaks with us spiritually and professionally on these topics.
About our Guest:
Jake Porter is a Board Certified Counselor, Certified Sex Addiction Therapist Supervisor, Certified Multiple Addiction Therapist, APSATS Certified Clinical Partner Specialist, and the Founder of Daring Ventures Counseling, Coaching, and Consulting. He is also the creator of Couple–Centered Recovery®, a model for overcoming attachment wounds in couples experiencing the trauma of betrayal. Dr. Porter has undergone extensive training in evidence–based treatments for couples who have suffered attachment injuries. He works with couples from around the world who travel to Houston for treatment of severe attachment injuries and relational trauma. Believing in the inherent worth of every person, Dr. Porter utilizes insights from developmental psychology, interpersonal neurobiology, and spirituality to help his clients experience greater healing and freedom in their lives. In addition to serving on the boards of APSATS and Christian Sex Addiction Specialists International, he enjoys teaching as an Assistant Professor of Counseling at Kairos University's Houston Graduate School of Theology, where he is also the Lead Professor of the Doctor of Professional Counseling Program. Jake lives in Houston with his wife, Kristen, and daughters, Magnolia Jane and Lottie Jo.
https://go.drjakeporter.com/home
Find out more about Dr. Jake and his Betrayal Trauma podcast. -
Join Dan Holmes (husband of Dr. Stephanie Holmes) and Just the Guys with a group of men on the spectrum, and they talk about Valentine's Day and showing love to their spouses.
Just the Guys get together and talk about topics from the spectrum point of view. Today a few tips on what they used to believe about Valentine's Day and how to show love the way their non-autistic spouses want to be loved!
Disclaimer:
Charity, don't listen to the show until after the 14th!
Jeremy reveals his Valentine's Day gift! -
Today, Rev. Stephanie C. Holmes interviews Pastor Jamal Baker, a former licensed professional counselor and sex therapist.
This podcast is a module from a module that is on sale this month. The usual price is $129.
https://courses.christianneurodiversemarriage.com/courses/topics-in-nd-relationships
Pastor Jamal Baker is the lead pastor of the Atlanta location of Chapelhill Church. Pastor Jamal was trained in his counseling practice in the specialty of healthy sexuality under the late Dr. Doug Roseneau and the Penners.
About the Course, this module interview comes from:
Topics in ND Relationships cover Intimacy and Special Interests. To start this module, you want to start with these FREE sermon series: Marriage Basics and Porndemic. As part of this module, Dr. Stephanie Holmes sits down with two ministers to discuss these sermons and bring in the aspect of NeuroDiversity in marriage and some bad marriage theology and doctrine many couples have been taught and believed, which adds to the complexity of ND Christian relationships. Personal stories are shared when special interests involve sex, roles, religion, or pornography and its impact on the relationship. -
Today it gets a little personal
Hopefully, without being cringy, we will share how we took our physical and sexual intimacy level to the next level. We talk about what kills sexual intimacy and what you need to know to build sexual intimacy.
We will define intimacy. We will talk about what builds intimacy and what destroys intimacy.
Find out why Stephanie says, "If I can't trust you bringing home the milk, I don't trust you with my private parts!"
Tips we give for books to read:
Great Sex Rescue by Gregoire
Total Intimacy by Doug Rosenau
YouTube Channel- Andrew and Amanda Scott
Materials by the Penners -
Dr. Holmes and Jeanetta talk about uniting resources for families through accessibility to resources!
Searchable - unites professionals and parents
Access Ability will help you navigate the new autism diagnosis and explain "alphabet soup."
Loveable- working through challenges and crisis moments!
Her new venture- I want a Buzz TV Exploring the Spectrum.
Check out Jeanetta interviewing Dr. Holmes
https://iwantabuzz.com/community/explore-the-spectrum-with-stephanie-holmes-from-neurodiverse-christian-couples/
About Jeanetta:
Jeanetta Bryant is the Founder and Executive Director of Abilities Workshop, Inc. She is dedicated to helping special needs families find answers and children impacted by a special needs diagnosis be their best. Jeanetta is an author, developer, and advocate. As a mom of two children, one with ASD, she finds no greater joy than watching them develop and achieve their dreams. Her interests include family time at home or at a theme park, college football, and making memories.
Website: https://www.abilitiesworkshop.com/
Check out her podcast at
https://www.abilitiesworkshop.com/podcast -
Many of you have asked for podcasts about aging or retirement and the neurodiverse marriage, so today is one of those days!
We have four guests with us. Carol and Greg are newly retired.
You may recognize Greg’s voice, who has been on several of our Just the Guys segments. Greg is 63 and retired after a 35-year career as a consulting geologist. Married to Carol, he was diagnosed around age 55. Carol and he have three children. Carol is in her fourth year of retirement after a 32-year career as a speech-language pathologist.
We also have Marian and Tom, who have been retired for a few more years, and have some advice for preparing intentionally for retirement (most think only financially) but on how to do retirement relationally and not just individual goals. Marian has a Bachelor’s in Nursing and a Master’s in Special Education. The mother of two wonderful sons and a wonderful daughter-in-law. Tom retired from a successful dental career 2 ½ years ago at age 67 and was identified on the spectrum between the ages of 55-60.
Questions to be discussed:
What are gifts for Neurodiverse couples that were found in retirement- things you appreciate or strengths in neurodiversity?
What are the chore load and expectations of chores and responsibilities after retirement?
What are each person's expectations going into retirement- are you focused on individual goals and projects, or are you retiring with relational goals in mind?
What was it like to try to work part-time or consult in retirement?
Advice for couples about to empty nest or retire on the spectrum.
Research links mentioned:
https://www.opastpublishers.com/open-access-articles/neuro-diverse-christian-couples-autism-religion-marriage-an-exploratory-qualitative-study.pdf
https://juniperpublishers.com/gjidd/pdf/GJIDD.MS.ID.555829.pdf
Book link:https://amzn.to/46W7LgN
YouTube link:https://www.youtube.com/@dr.stephaniec.holmes3536 -
The guys talk about Theory of Mind
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Many of you have asked for podcasts about aging or retirement and the neurodiverse marriage, so today is one of those days!
We have four guests with us. Carol and Greg are newly retired.
You may recognize Greg’s voice, who has been on several of our Just the Guys segments. Greg is 63 and retired after a 35-year career as a consulting geologist. Married to Carol, he was diagnosed around age 55. Carol and he have three children. Carol is in her fourth year of retirement after a 32-year career as a speech-language pathologist.
We also have Marian and Tom, who have been retired for a few more years, and have some advice for preparing intentionally for retirement (most think only financially) but on how to do retirement relationally and not just individual goals. Marian has a Bachelor’s in Nursing and a Master’s in Special Education. The mother of two wonderful sons and a wonderful daughter-in-law. Tom retired from a successful dental career 2 ½ years ago at age 67 and was identified on the spectrum between the ages of 55-60.
Questions to be discussed:
What are gifts for Neurodiverse couples that were found in retirement- things you appreciate or strengths in neurodiversity?
What are the chore load and expectations of chores and responsibilities after retirement?
What are each person's expectations going into retirement- are you focused on individual goals and projects, or are you retiring with relational goals in mind?
What was it like to try to work part-time or consult in retirement?
Advice for couples about to empty nest or retire on the spectrum.
Research links mentioned:
https://www.opastpublishers.com/open-access-articles/neuro-diverse-christian-couples-autism-religion-marriage-an-exploratory-qualitative-study.pdf
https://juniperpublishers.com/gjidd/pdf/GJIDD.MS.ID.555829.pdf
Book link:https://amzn.to/46W7LgN
YouTube link:https://www.youtube.com/@dr.stephaniec.holmes3536 -
Alix Generous is an autistic behavior analyst with five years of clinical experience and a master’s from Pepperdine University in behavioral psychology. She lives in Los Angeles, CA., where she works as a remote clinical supervisor for families in the southeast region of Washington State.
She is the founder of Global Behavior Consultants, LLC, an international behavior analysis company that supports families and individuals to receive affordable care. She also provides consultation with Diversity Crew, which helps large-scale businesses increase the neurodiversity of staff. Over the past decade, she has spoken professionally at conferences all around the world, including multiple TED talks and All About Woman at the Sydney Opera House.
Disclaimer:
When we have guests on the ASR podcast, they are recognized for their expertise in autism as advocates, self-advocates, clinicians, parents, or other professionals in the field. They may or may not be part of the faith community; having a guest on the broader topic of autism does not reflect complete agreement with the guest, just as many guests may not agree with our faith perspective. Guests are chosen by topic for the chosen podcast discussion and are not necessarily in full agreement with all beliefs of the chosen guest(s). -
Dan had read a book for a business leadership class called "Immunity to Change."
This is NOT a marriage book. It is a very dry organizational leadership book, but many points are worth discussing.
Why, if you want change, there is immunity to it. We will revisit the stages of change. Based on an addiction model for change, so much can apply when couples enter coaching/counseling in different stages of the change cycle.
https://sphweb.bumc.bu.edu/otlt/mph-modules/sb/behavioralchangetheories/behavioralchangetheories6.html
If you are interested in Dan and Stephanie's book:
Find all the ways to purchase the print book, ebook, and audiobook:
https://www.holmesasr.com/embracing-the-autism-spectrum - Show more
