REWIND: Book BirthdayOrdinary People. Ordinary Things. with Melissa Radke add
This show is going to be a bit different. It is my book birthday. It is launch day of my book Eat Cake. Be Brave. Imagine that you have been keeping a diary since 7th grade, and it was made public. That is kind of how I’m feeling. I’m sharing today, and all of my launch day feelings and emotions with my wonderful husband David and you my wonderful listeners.
You can find Melissa here:
Show Notes[02:33] The first time Melissa and David met was on a bus in school. She'll never forget his first words, “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” [03:48] What does Eat Cake. Be Brave. Actually mean? [04:11] When Melissa turned 41 she was about to blow out the candles on her birthday cake, and she wished for bravery. [06:09] She wished to be brave for 12 months. After blowing out her candles, she went back to her room and began to journal what bravery meant to her. The rest is history. [07:01] All we need is a flicker of bravery and going upstream when everyone else is going downstream. Even if it's only for a little bit. [08:02] Why Melissa is so relatable. When Melissa began discovering her voice she realized that she wrote the same way that she talked. This alone made her voice relatable. [09:04] It's easy to relate to Melissa's words because she says what we are actually thinking. [09:38] Melissa is real enough to say you hurt me, and God helped us. [10:06] Melissa is real enough to say the truth and to admit her shortcomings and failures. [10:41] The style and genre of the book. [11:08] The book is a memoir. It's about all the years in Melissa's life that led up to that one year that changed her forever. [11:32] We have had wonderful reviews. One recurring theme is that the book is an easy read. [12:03] The most surprising thing for most people is that the book is funny. It's really funny. [13:18] This book is for women who are tired of standing in the back of the stage and are ready to take center stage in their lives. [13:53] If you're not a religious person, you will still love and identify with this book. [15:23] We had an editorial review that said this woman loved the book and didn't feel preached to. We can be like Christ without preaching it. [15:45] Melissa's writing is kind of like Mindy Kaling, Amy Poehler, or Tina Fey. Those are the three that she hears. [16:32] The overarching theme that Melissa hopes to communicate with the book. [18:00] We have got to become more aware of the words that our Creator has said about us. [19:30] Once we learn the truth about what God has said about us, we can walk in the truth of bravery. [19:57] What Melissa go back and change the pain that she has experienced? [20:13] No. If it meant doing it all again, she would do it. [20:58] Melissa knows what love and healing can do. She would do everything again if it would help one woman to step out of the shadows and live the life she was meant to live. [21:58] The book is about the entire family including David, Remi, Rocco, and even Melissa's mother, her Granny, Aunt Melba, and some of her girlfriends. [22:14] When Melissa's mother is talking in the book the font actually changes. And it is written in the style that her mother speaks in. [24:52] David is curious if there's a scene in The Bodyguard that Melissa would like to act out. [26:22] If someone is unsure about buying the book, Melissa would encourage them to come see her on the book tour. [28:20] Melissa wants these people to see someone just like them who decided to fight for one year. [28:41] You can find out more about the tour here. [29:51] Follow Melissa on social media. We have a lot of exciting press coming up in the next couple of weeks. [30:22] Lightning round questions… [32:15] When the ball is in our hands, what will we do? [33:07] The book is an easy read that will make people laugh and will make people cry. There was a lot of blood, sweat and tears that went into this book. [33:22] David is so proud of Melissa.
Thanks for joining us on Ordinary People Ordinary Things. Be sure to subscribe to our podcast on iTunes and leave a nice review. Just like your mother taught you.
Links and Resources:Podcast Web Page Facebook Page @MsMelissaRadke on Instagram @msmelissaradke on Twitter Autographed Copy of Eat Cake. Be Brave. Eat Cake. Be Brave. Extended Book Trailer This Sucks But God Is Good (online course)
After The Show: Pitch PerfectOrdinary People. Ordinary Things. with Melissa Radke add
Doing these podcasts with my family is going to be the death of me. Love us or hate us we are The Radkes. This episode of The Radkes features two mile markers in our lives. Rocco has been wanting a knife for over a year, and he finally gets one. I've been wanting to sing at Minute Maid Park for over 40 years, and I finally get to.
Like most dreams, you have to work for them. Rocco had to learn proper knife instruction, and well, I had to go to the bathroom. Trust me, working for one of these dreams was harder than the other. This episode features my two favorite men on the entire Earth. The Attorney General David Radke and my tiny precious wonderman Rocco Radke.
Show Notes:[01:59] Rocks, Rock Star, and Bubba Blue are some of Melissa's favorite nicknames for Rocco. [03:10] We kick off with the bump your cup song. We were heading to Rocco's game, and I had to ask if he was wearing his cup. Which led to this spontaneous song. [05:01] Rocco can scream very high, for now. [06:05] Remi is at camp this week. She created the line, "Why do you have to be so extra?" [07:08] Rocco said he wanted a knife, but it's also a tradition for young men to get a knife or something they have to handle carefully. [08:05] David had a knife at Rocco's age. He also learned how to handle a knife before he got it. [09:53] Rocco wants a knife to carve things, cut branches, cut rope, and go fishing. [13:47] We had a bucket list moment, where Melissa sang at the Astro's game. She sang God Bless America during the seventh inning stretch. [19:46] Remi always tells Melissa how proud she is of her. Rocco is proud too. Even if, he doesn't say it. [20:47] This was the last episode of the show. We had a contract for six episodes. There may be more in the future. We don't know. [20:52] The Radkes is a snapshot of our life during that season and I wouldn't change a thing about it. Ending the season on a high note by me hitting a high note is really the most that I could ever ask for. [22:09] Melissa taught Rocco that cake meant booty. [23:40] This is the last Radkes podcast and the end of this season. [25:48] I am called to ordinary. People watch our show because they can relate. We are all so ordinary but contribute and love in extraordinary ways. [27:02] This podcast will be back. Subscribe so you don't miss the next season. Thank you.
Thanks for joining us on Ordinary People Ordinary Things. Be sure to subscribe to our podcast on iTunes and leave a nice review. Just like your mother taught you.
Links and Resources:Podcast Web Page Facebook Page @MsMelissaRadke on Instagram @msmelissaradke on Twitter Eat Cake. Be Brave. Sign Up for Insider Access Fab Fit Fun Boxes For $10 Off Use the Code: Ordinary
After The Show: Melissa Gets SchooledOrdinary People. Ordinary Things. with Melissa Radke add
There's something you should know about the Radkes. We don't have it all together. All of the Perfection that you see when you look at us isn't real. When you see me making a sandwich in my car that is because I really and truly made a sandwich in my car. You may be wondering why I didn't buy a Lunchable. The truth is the idea didn't dawn on me until later. You don't have to worry about hurting our feelings this is our life and what-you-see-is-what-you-get.
Sure, I want to be the kind of mother that has a perfect craft room and makes cupcakes with perfect fondant frosting. Sure, I want to be the person who shows up early in case you need help setting up for the party. Sure, I want to be all of these things, but I'm not. Who better to tell you that than the Core Four of me, David, Remi, and Rocco. We are discussing all of the things that happen on your worst first day of school.
Show Notes:[05:02] Melissa doesn't understand David's fascination with fantasy football. [05:59] David has created a spreadsheet for every player. [06:48] School supply shopping was horrible, and they filmed a terrible day for us. [08:16] None of us wanted to go school shopping. The kids didn't want to go, and we didn't want to take them. [09:01] We also waited till the last minute, so there wasn't much of a selection. [10:57] The big deal about backpacks is everyone sees them because you walk around with them on your back. [12:15] Melissa knows that they aren't really using all of those school supplies. [13:07] Remi is in middle school and her supplies are carried around in her backpack. They don't have lockers anymore. [19:02] I don't know from one year to the next what they want to do when it becomes time to eat. I had everything ready to go, but I just forgot it. I pulled into a deli and got everything for the sandwiches and made them in the car. [22:29] When kids go to junior high, the lunch line is like a food court. [25:08] Melissa made a choice to not let the kids be late, and she had to "park" close at the school. [27:27] The episode was a perfect episode to describe our lives, and how we act on a daily basis. [27:54] David was romantic at the end of the show. [31:46] I quit worrying about stuff, and I'm okay doing the best that I can do.
Thanks for joining us on Ordinary People Ordinary Things. Be sure to subscribe to our podcast on iTunes and leave a nice review. Just like your mother taught you.
Links and Resources:Podcast Web Page Facebook Page @MsMelissaRadke on Instagram @msmelissaradke on Twitter Eat Cake. Be Brave. Sign Up for Insider Access Fab Fit Fun Boxes For $10 Off Use the Code: Ordinary The Radkes
After The Show: The Radkes -Tell It To The JudgeOrdinary People. Ordinary Things. with Melissa Radke add
We are talking about everything that happened in episode 4 of this week's episode titled Tell It To The Judge. This episode centered around my ability to judge hush puppies. Don't be jealous, because this is a God-given gift. It's also about mine and David's inability to have a regular date night. We've tried, but it can't be done.
It's only possible to have a regular date night if you don't have kids, pets, or bills. I don't know how people make a regular Tuesday night date night work. We're going to be talking about this and also how to keep that dating spark alive when you've run out of everything to do in your town.
Show Notes[02:19] Today's guest is David Radke. [03:20] Melissa loves this episode. It made Lufkin look really good. [04:00] There are a lot of people who don't enjoy living in Lufkin, Dallas, or anywhere else for that matter. [05:30] There are a lot of things to do in Lufkin. There are a lot of organizations to be a part of. For the size of our town, the amount we give to charity is really outstanding. [07:04] Melissa talks about how you can drive through Lufkin and you know everybody. Plus, they're memories everywhere. [09:44] Lufkin can raise your kids, treat you well, and give back to the community. [10:08] We have the Forest Festival at the Expo Center. Every year they have the hush puppy competition. [11:45] Melissa wrote a Facebook Manifesto 3 or 4 years ago about how no one would choose her to be a hush puppy festival judge. [12:02] She was finally asked while they were filming the show. [12:58] Hush puppies are tied to fried things. David heard that when people were frying things, they would throw a little batter into the oil and then give it to the dog or use it to hush the puppy. [14:15] Hush puppies are made with cornmeal and other fancy ingredients for the contest. [16:35] There was also some bribery on the show. [17:41] I ate so many different has puppies that the recipes all kind of run together, but I'm going to find the winning recipe and publish it here. [18:21] Aunt Melba's hush puppy recipe may be the original colonial recipe. [22:10] Date nights. Do we still need them? [23:01] A classic Annette was that she didn't see the text asking here to sit with the kids. [23:44] David shared a date that Melissa wasn't on. [26:19] A date is an evening. It's an event. David took Melissa to the airport and flew her to Washington for an Amy Grant concert. They had backstage passes. It was a night she will never forget. [28:41] It's really nice when your spouse or partner makes an effort and tries to create an evening that is different. [28:55] Melissa and Sinbad had a conversation when they went to see him. [30:20] For David, it's just spending time together and finding a mutual love of each other's interests. [31:08] Don't live in a comparison trap for your dating life. [31:39] 2 a.m. patty melts at the Waffle House have been some of David and Melissa's best states. [32:01] Some of Melissa's favorite dates have been driving in the truck and going to Sonic and just looking at land that they might want to buy some day. [32:39] You need to make a commitment to have one-on-one time. Family dates are good too. The biggest thing is the time you spend together. [34:27] One of the reasons I think our show is taking off is because it's relatable. We live and work in a small town and drive a car that desperately needs to be updated. [35:07] Our show tells the story of life really well.
Links and Resources:Podcast Web Page Facebook Page @MsMelissaRadke on Instagram @msmelissaradke on Twitter Eat Cake. Be Brave. Sign Up for Insider Access Fab Fit Fun Boxes For $10 Off Use the Code: Ordinary The Radkes Texas State Forest Festival
After the Show: The Radkes - Driving Me CrazyOrdinary People. Ordinary Things. with Melissa Radke add
This week's episode of the Radke's entitled Driving Me Crazy is simply about the things we hide. I really did let my license expire, and I hid it from David Radke for over a year. Why? Because I knew he would do what he did and get all Law and Order on me. So, I had to put it off as long as I did.
Sometimes, I may also hide beauty products from David Radke. We are getting older, but men don't get it. David and I talk about my beauty product purchases, and it’s all in good fun. You’ll have to listen to the end to see if any compromises were made. My good friend Jen who was driving the McLaren last night, stops by and we talk about cars, friendship, our text group, the show, how much fun we had at the grocery store, and our mutual love of Lufkin, Texas.
Show Notes:[02:04] David got the mail on the day the notice about my license showed up. [03:20] David would prefer that Melissa had a valid license and drove well. [04:16] In high school, Melissa was voted worst driver two years in a row. [05:12] Some of the things that Melissa has hit include a horse, a dog, a TV, two mailboxes, a stop sign, and a truckload of migrant workers. [06:48] The episode was also about Melissa buying beauty products. [07:26] The root issue is David keeping Melissa on a budget. [09:17] David is aging gracefully. He gets better with age. [11:33] Melissa wants to age gracefully. David likes the finished product. He just wants her to tone down the products. [13:54] Melissa's friend Jennifer who was on last nights show is here. [14:52] Jen has a lot of money, but she doesn't like to show it off, so she drives a McLaren. [15:33] Jen's husband doesn't let Melissa park Big Darla in their parking area on the stone pavers, because she leaks. [16:43] Melissa and Jen met when their daughters were in preschool. Jen admired Melissa's parking skills. [17:54] Jen moved Melissa's car when she left it running with the keys in it. [18:39] That was how they became friends, but Melissa may have been mad for a couple of days. [20:33] Jen's husband is mature. They have zero problem with it. [21:52] People who watch Bravo and E have been seeing episodes of The Radkes. [24:17] The day at the grocery store is what we truly due. [26:09] Getting cash back on the register is a great tip. [27:12] Jen's background is different than her real life, but she is the every ordinary girl. [28:21] Too dumb for New York too ugly for LA. Killing it in Lufkin everyday. [29:14] Jen loves the small town feel of Lufkin. If you break down, you will get help. When we were at the store, we saw friends all over. [30:43] Jen tells a story where she accidentally referred to Aunt Melba as Grandma. [31:50] Jen is an everygirl who can afford to pay the check. [32:24] We have a group text called Botox, Weaves, and Silicone. [33:59] Because I want to stay married, I have promised too cut down a bit on my purchases.
Links and Resources:Podcast Web Page Facebook Page @MsMelissaRadke on Instagram @msmelissaradke on Twitter Eat Cake. Be Brave. Sign Up for Insider Access Fab Fit Fun Boxes For $10 Off Use the Code: Ordinary The Radkes The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills
After the Show: The Radkes - Mommy IssuesOrdinary People. Ordinary Things. with Melissa Radke add
Welcome to After the Show of The Radkes. If you are looking for an explanation for episode 2 Mommy Issues, you have probably guessed by now that there is no explanation. Just like there isn't an explanation for anything else we do on the show. It's really just our lives, our family, and the lovely town of Lufkin, TX.
This week we faced a problem that is rampant among families everywhere, and that is mothers. Either you are one or you got one. That's the thing about mothers. You get messed up by one, then you turn around and mess somebody else up. It's really just a vicious cycle. No one parents with perfection.
This episode brought out some emotion in me. Talk about my daughter and I cry. Talk about my mother and I cry. Hopefully, you will be entertained by the family dynamic of three generations and feel the love that we share for each other.
Show Notes:[03:21] Melissa, David, Remi, and Melissa's Mother Annette are here to talk about the show. [04:15] Melissa is always wanting Remi to be more girly. [05:08] Growing up, Melissa was over the top girly according to Annette. [08:31] Remi asked Melissa to be her soccer goalie, and she did better than Remi thought she would. [09:53] Melissa played softball and basketball growing up. Sports weren't really her thing, but she was always up for a good costume and a photo. [13:08] This episode encapsulated Melissa and Annette's relationship perfectly. They are the yin and Yang or the Dorothy and the Sofia of the Golden Girls. [13:19] We forgive each other quite often and love each other a lot. [14:24] We ended up singing together in the show, but Melissa's beef was that Annette didn't ask her before signing her up. [17:28] The Dixie Chunks. Annette, Melissa, Aunt Melba, and Meredith were singing and wanted to come up with a name. Melissa's Dad suggested the Dixie Chunks, and they fell over laughing, but the name stuck. [23:39] This was a cute real to life episode balancing the way Melissa s' mother raised her and how Melissa is raising Remi. [25:09] Melissa had a pony that would roll over when Melissa got on him. [26:21] David and Melissa are Mitch and Cam from Modern Family, and Melissa looked like Cam with a helmet. [28:54] Annette, Melissa, and Remi love and adore each other, no matter what. Share this episode with your mother. [30:15] Be sure to watch the show and subscribe and listen to us talk about After the Show.
Links and Resources:Podcast Web Page Facebook Page @MsMelissaRadke on Instagram @msmelissaradke on Twitter Eat Cake. Be Brave. Sign Up for Insider Access Fab Fit Fun Boxes For $10 Off Use the Code: Ordinary The Radkes After the Show: Melissa Explains it All
After the Show: Melissa Explains It AllOrdinary People. Ordinary Things. with Melissa Radke add
Our new show The Radkes is now airing on the USA Network. This is an unscripted show about our family. Real people experiencing real everyday life. The show, is just like the podcast, which is just like our real lives. For the next few episodes while our show is airing, we’ll be doing a series of podcasts about the previous night’s show.
Episode 1 is called Melissa Explains It All, and it’s all about me trying to have “the talk” about sex with my daughter Remy. I did what I could and then deferred to my Aunt Melba who has become a social media and Radkes star in her own right. On this podcast, I have the Attorney General David Radke, and two special guests. My daughter Remy Hope Radke and my Aunt Melba.
If you haven’t seen the first Network Episode of The Radkes, it might be fun to watch it before listening to this podcast. If you listen to the podcast first, don’t worry, the show isn’t as embarrassing as it sounds. It’s really just ordinary people living their lives and doing what other ordinary people do. We hope we make you laugh, smile, and find something to relate to.
Show Notes[04:32] In this episode, Melba is so free with her language on all things sex. [05:07] Aunt Melba isn't married. She was married happily for many many years to her high school sweetheart. [05:45] She still wears her wedding ring, so men won't ask her out. [07:03] Aunt Melba loved her husband, and she loves sex, and she thinks it's from God [08:03] Remy's status is single and looking to mingle. She's not ready for relationships, but she's ready to know about relationships. [09:53] The episode is really just about what's going on in our lives at the time. [10:01] It begins with David sending me explicit text messages with eggplants and question marks. [11:31] We never know what's going to come out of Remy's mouth. The show isn't scripted. [15:14] Melba had an emoji run in on her cell phone. People kept sending her
The Core FourOrdinary People. Ordinary Things. with Melissa Radke add
Recently, my family of four went on the biggest adventure that we have ever been on. We filmed a television show. I know other families have done this. They've done it longer than us, and they've done it better than us. For us, this was a pretty big deal. From the moment the first crew member showed up at our home, we felt like we were embarking on a journey.
I couldn't imagine three other people who I'd rather be on this journey with than David, Remy, and Rocco. On day four, I heard them refer to us as the Core Four. It felt like the four of us were embarking on an adventure that very few people would ever go on. I don’t think I’ve ever felt closer to my Core Four than I did during that time. Today’s episode is all about the Core Four and our adventure.
Show Notes:[05:10] Melissa starting doing videos about three or four years ago. We've had a ton of content. It's funny, relatable, and real. Then Melissa's book came out. A production company reached out to us about three years ago. [06:35] They pitched to networks and USA was interested. This show came about because of all of the other stuff that Melissa was doing. We prayed about it and this was a door that stayed open. [07:35] The producers loved Melissa's POV or point of view. It's one that people can identify with. We seemed relatable, because we are. [10:11] David encouraged Melissa to do the videos and to reply to the emails from the production company. [10:34] We said yes to the show, because they liked our point of view and then didn't want us to be any different than we are. [11:13] The mantra for our family is to just go ahead and be courageous. [12:03] We had a real positive feeling about opening things up for other people who feel the same way that we do. Plus, we have a great core four and extended family and friends. [12:47] The Radkes premieres on June 4th on the USA Network on Tuesday nights 9:30 Central. The first three episodes will also be on Hulu, YouTube, and watchback. You'll also be able to find it on other streaming platforms that carry the USA Network. [15:27] The first episode will be released commercial free tonight on Facebook, Instagram or IGTV, and YouTube. [20:58] It's hard to launch a show even if you do have name recognition. The network is trying to get the word out, so please share and enjoy our show. If you want good family-friendly entertainment it's being provided for you. [23:55] Our show is an unscripted family sitcom. There are real life family situations, but they are edited to be pretty fast-paced. [25:28] Remy and Rocco share their opinion on what they think the rest of the family feels about the show. [25:50] We also discuss the impact of the show on Lufkin. It looks great in the videos. [30:08] Remy and Rocco share who their core four friends are, and they can't wait for the show to come out. [31:25] Every Wednesday for the next six weeks we are going to release an after the show podcast. [32:34] Record episodes or season pass and watch it live or the recording in the first three days to help with the ratings. [33:14] For us, this isn't just about getting our name out there, we really want to provide some family entertainment where people can sit down and escape and just laugh. [34:01] Melissa sometimes loses herself watching TV. She hopes people identify with this show and the core four, so that they feel less alone.
Links and Resources:Podcast Web Page Facebook Page @MsMelissaRadke on Instagram @msmelissaradke on Twitter Eat Cake. Be Brave. Sign Up for Insider Access Red Ribbon Week WatchBack Hulu Don’t Be Tardy Fab Fit Fun Boxes For $10 Off Use the Code: Ordinary Bolster Sleep For 10% Off Use the Code: Ordinary
Soul SurvivorOrdinary People. Ordinary Things. with Melissa Radke add
Every scar you have tells a story. Sometimes being vulnerable and telling your story is what you and those around you need. When people are vulnerable with us, we are reminded that we are not alone. The reason I'm talking about this is because my friend Kayla Stoecklein is here to share a story that isn't easy to share. She shares her story in an effort to help others who may be going through painful situations. She is the perfect example of first the pain, then the rising.
Kayla is a recently widowed mom of three busy boys (ages 2, 4, and 6). Prior to the loss of her husband, she was a pastor's wife and stay at home mom. She is now in the process of reinventing her life, figuring out who she is, and what she is passionate about, and what she is gifted at. She is passionate about people, addicted to life change, and defiantly choosing joy everyday as she chases after what she calls "a happy beautiful life" after loss. Her life mantra is "God's Got This."
Show Notes[03:33] Melissa met Kayla at the Dream Big Intensive. The property was beautiful. [06:35] A year-and-a-half ago Kayla's husband began having panic attacks. He was the lead pastor of a large church, and he was under a lot of pressure. [07:20] They were visiting doctors trying to find out what was happening with him. [08:00] His panic attacks became more severe, and he ended up in the hospital, and they still couldn't figure out the root of his mystery illness. [08:18] A psychiatrist diagnosed him with depression. [09:42] He took a sabbatical and was feeling a little bit better. Then he went back to work. [10:03] He was preparing to talk about mental illness. A lot of people were struggling with this, and they were grateful that he was talking about something that they could relate to. [11:17] His mental illness took a turn for the worst and he attempted suicide. He ended up in the hospital, but passed away shortly after that. [11:47] It was shocking for everyone to see a young healthy guy with a young family, who is talking about mental illness, commit suicide. [12:27] Kayla was a stay-at-home mom, and her whole life revolved around her husband and the church. [13:07] Kayla was only 29 and was wondering what she was going to do with the rest of her life. She was also very sad, because her and her husband had an incredible relationship. [14:36] Kayla isn't mad at Andrew, but she is so angry about what happened. [18:05] It's very difficult walking alongside someone with mental illness, because it's almost like they are two different people. [18:44] Being able to know and identify triggers is so helpful. [22:48] Kayla takes things a day at a time. She doesn't have a plan, she just sits with her grief and lets herself feel it. [25:07] Kayla has been taking time for self-care and doing what she needs to do to enable herself to grieve and get through this season. [25:55] She is so grateful that she has the luxury of time to grieve in a way that fits her. [28:40] Kayla has a blog called God's Got This. [29:42] Her social media blew up and people message her constantly. A majority of the people are walking beside someone with mental illness, and they are just very grateful that someone is talking about it. [30:40] Walking alongside someone with depression gives you a little taste of depression.\ [31:32] If someone mentions suicide, take it seriously. [32:18] Kayla has also received messages from people who were considering suicide and changed their mind. [32:40] The stories don't take away Kayla's pain, but they give her purpose with it. God uses us for good. Lives have been saved through the sharing of this story. [34:19] One of the best things that Kayla's friends have done is send her late night texts just to check on her and just listening to her. [35:26] The worst thing someone can do for someone who is grieving is to tell them that they know exactly how they feel. [38:23] God sends us people to light our way to places that are foreign to us. Kayla is the one holding the lantern. [40:28] Kayla answers the three questions… [45:09] To love is to be vulnerable. This perfectly describes today's podcast.
Links and Resources:Podcast Web Page Facebook Page @MsMelissaRadke on Instagram @msmelissaradke on Twitter Eat Cake. Be Brave. Sign Up for Insider Access Fab Fit Fun Boxes For $10 Off Use the Code: Ordinary Bolster Sleep For $10 Off Use the Code: Ordinary God’s Got This Kayla Stoecklein on Instagram Brene Brown Lysa TerKeurst Glennon Doyle Dream Big Intensive Bob Goff Streams in the Desert Minding the Pain With Stefanie Boyce Uncharted Territory National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Stretched Too ThinOrdinary People. Ordinary Things. with Melissa Radke add
Are you trying to juggle work, family, home and all of your obligations? Too often we try to do everything and please everyone and end up feeling guilt or shame for not being able to do it all. My guest today has practical tips and advice for any of us who feel like we are stretched too thin. It’s such a pleasure to have Jessica Turner on the show today.
Jessica is a wife, mom, sister, friend, marketing professional, blogger and best-selling author of the books The Fringe Hours and Stretched Too Thin. In this episode, we talk about her new book. We also talk about why some moms who work-at-home don’t really consider themselves working moms. We talk about automating, prioritizing, getting help, and giving yourself permission to say no. We talk about those important things that we all need to do to help keep ourselves sane and at our best.
Show Notes:[05:25] It's still a tug-of-war with working moms and stay-at-home moms. Working is bringing in an income. [06:11] Women who work at home don't see themselves as working moms. [07:03] Women who work from home often don't want to call themselves working moms. Maybe it's because of some type of social stigma. [09:00] A lot of stay-at-home working moms think that if they don't technically get in their car and go somewhere that they aren't a working mom. [09:30] Jessica went to Melissa's book signing in Nashville. [10:00] Melissa thinks Jessica's book is for busy moms not just "working" moms. [10:16] Jessica surveyed 2000 women who work or bring in some type of income. Stay-at-home moms who feel stretched too thin will get a lot of value out of the book. [12:45] Jessica writes about boundaries with work, practicing meaningful relationships, self-care, managing the home, and more. [13:03] Her research shows that the greatest struggle for working moms is either self-care or managing the home. [13:26] Self-care is probably a little bit more of a struggle and that's what Jessica's first book was about. [13:43] Women are great at taking care of everyone else. [14:17] Self-care is necessary and important and it shows our kids that they need to take care of themselves too. [14:55] Self-care includes investing in your passion, investing in your body, and spiritually and emotionally. [15:16] Try time tracking and see where your time is going. [16:40] Track everything you do for a week and how much time you spend on it. [17:10] See where you spent your time and where you can spend your time better. Also notice if you said yes to too many things. [18:37] Jessica tries to live by the "if it isn't a heck yes then it's a no." [19:32] Sometimes even having to pause is a sign that it's not the right time for you. [19:50] It's easier to say no from the beginning then you say yes to something and have to backtrack. [21:23] Just because something's a great thing, it's not a great thing for you right now. [22:58] Working moms often get left out. It can be hurtful to not be invited. Sometimes working moms want to be included. Let your friends know you still want to be included. [27:57] Subscription services. Automating our lives is an easy way to streamline. This can free up your mind and lesson the mental load. [30:22] House cleaners and services like Grove Collaborative can be helpful. It's life giving and helps other businesses. [32:40] The world will fight for your time, and you have to fight back. [33:32] Mother's can have friends. It's important to model relationships for our kids. It's a life giving shift. [34:30] Glass balls vs rubber balls. Glass balls will shatter if dropped. Treat yourself like a glass ball not a rubber ball. Spend time where it is important. Relationships and self-care are glass balls. [37:29] Think about how you are feeling and use it as motivation to make changes in your life. [38:04] Often, we push our feelings aside instead of using them for change. [40:44] Jessica answers the three questions... [45:03] Women need to be empowered to not feel guilt and shame and take time for self-care.
Links and Resources:Podcast Web Page Facebook Page @MsMelissaRadke on Instagram @msmelissaradke on Twitter Eat Cake. Be Brave. Sign Up for Insider Access Fab Fit Fun Boxes For $10 Off Use the Code: Ordinary Bolster Sleep For 10% Off Use the Code: Ordinary Stretched Too Thin The Mom Creative @JessicaNTurner on Twitter The Mom Creative Facebook Page Jessica Turner on Instagram Jessica Turner BookSnobbery on Instagram The Fringe Hours: Making Time for You Grove Collaborative When I Pray for You
Soul SistersOrdinary People. Ordinary Things. with Melissa Radke add
Making friends isn’t always that easy. Especially, adult friendships. When you meet someone you click with, hang on to them. When I was on my book tour in Nashville, I met today’s guest. Annie F. Downs is a best-selling author, nationally known speaker, and podcast host based in Nashville. She is the host of the That Sounds Fun podcast and I was a guest on that show. Our conversation was like two girlfriends having a chat.
Today, we want you to be part of our conversation. We have fun as we catch up on our latest pop culture interests. We talk about how it’s good to open yourself up to people who have different opinions and not to be closed off about your beliefs. We talk about faith and communicating with God and understanding how to recognize those nudges. We mostly talk about life and friendship and invite you to go on the journey with us. I also send out an invitation to take the time to meet someone new or connect with an old friend.
Show Notes[04:29] Annie goes by Annie F. Downs, because there's a famous Australian quilter named Annie Downs. She does have an interest in finding all of the other Annie Downs and maybe create a club or something. [15:04] Annie and Melissa loves the same type of pop culture shows and have a great time talking about their favorite people to follow. [15:13] Annie is following Chris Pratt. He is open about his beliefs. She's also following Dax Shepard and Debra Messing. [19:35] Melissa knows a lot of the same people. She is hungry to expand her friendships and relationships. [20:39] You get an upfront view of God pursuing people who aren't Christians. [21:21] in your leisure time is great. Crocheting classes are a great place to meet people. [22:08] Annie hopes she's not creating more Christian culture. She hopes she's helping people find a way to live where they know God and enjoy life. [22:46] Melissa wanted to take people to Jesus not take them to church. [23:02] There's a difference between loving the church and investing in the church and loving Christian culture. [24:31] Annie wrestles with living within the church and yet not creating something that's unattractive to the non faithful. [27:09] Annie loves faith. [28:33] Annie hears way more people say that they are disappointed in God than people who are hurt by people in the church. [28:46] This is where Annie's book Remember God comes from. We need to teach people to look for God in the midst of not having what they want. [30:38] Let's All Be Brave stirred up a lot of emotions and pain in Annie. For her, the writing wasn't the hardest, it was the aftermath of the writing. [32:25] Annie didn't give the readers a bow at the end. The whole theme of the book was God's kindness. [35:34] If we had everything we wanted, we would still not be satisfied [36:05] There's a difference between contentment and satisfaction. [40:11] We need to be able to tell God the truth, even when we are angry. [40:55] The more we wrestle with Him, he won't let go. [42:04] Annie shares how she feels about God. [43:31] How God shows up when Annie has her dark moments. Sometimes it's like a self-correction idea that comes to her. [44:38] God in generous about making his presence known. [45:34] Live by the nudge, and you feel it more and more. [48:42] Melissa shares a story where she was nudged to give a watch to someone who liked it. God didn't want time to be an issue for her. [50:37] Melissa believes that we do hear God, we don't always act on it, and we don't always believe it but we do hear it. [51:21] Just two friends having an honest conversation. [52:15] The three quick questions... [58:04] Adult friendships are hard, if you've been thinking about calling someone and making a lunch date just do it.
Links and Resources:Podcast Web Page Facebook Page @MsMelissaRadke on Instagram @msmelissaradke on Twitter Eat Cake. Be Brave. Sign Up for Insider Access Fab Fit Fun Boxes For $10 Off Use the Code: Ordinary Bolster Sleep For 10% Off Use the Code: Ordinary Annie F. Downs Website That Sounds Fun with Annie F. Downs Podcast Annie F. Downs on Facebook Annie F. Downs on Twitter Remember God and Other Books by Annie F. Downs Scott Harrison Charity: Water Armchair Expert Podcast Don’t Be Tardy Andy Cohen Instagram Chris Pratt Jason Kennedy Lauren DAigle I Kissed Dating Goodbye Bob Goff That Sounds Fun Episode 96: Melissa Radke
Soul Food with Amy HannonOrdinary People. Ordinary Things. with Melissa Radke add
I am Southern, and there are benefits and drawbacks to that, but the food is a benefit. Today’s guest is like a kindred spirit. A sister I didn’t know I had. I had been following Amy Hannon on social media, but I was still surprised and delighted when out of the blue, she sent me a copy of her new book. Amy’s book is a cookbook called Love Welcome Serve: Recipes that Gather and Give. The recipes are amazing, but her message of intentional kitchening is even better.
Amy Hannon is a business owner, entrepreneur, author, and a genuinely gracious and caring soul. She is the owner of Euna Mae’s a kitchen boutique named after her grandmother. She hosted a cooking show on a Northwest Arkansas NBC affiliate producing over 160 episodes. She is the author of Love Welcome Serve a comfort food cookbook that is all about sharing, gathering, and family. Today, we talk about recipes, what it means to serve, and we get to the heart of intentional kitchening.
Show Notes[05:11] Amy feels like she knows Melissa. Melissa wanted to meet Amy, she has been following her story. [06:23] Amy often gets asked if she knows Melissa. [08:28] Social media helps you find your kindred. It's a weird and fun way to find your people. [09:30] People send Melissa books, but it usually comes with an ask. Amy's book didn't come with an ask. It just came in the mail and touched Melissa's heart. It reminded her of cooking with her mama in the kitchen. [11:45] Amy wanted to help people use food and time in the kitchen to taste life and love. [13:06] Amy makes the pies in her book for her dad every Christmas. The food helps him remember and love. It brings back memories. [15:12] Amy puts brown sugar and a packet of Hidden Valley Ranch in her chili. It was amazingly good. [15:53] Amy started playing with recipes and just putting stuff in. [17:34] Melissa and Amy are going to have a sausage ball trying Hidden Valley Ranch and Red Lobster Cornbread Mix. Brown sugar will make it a little sweeter. [19:21] The cream cheese chicken enchiladas have two cups of heavy cream poured over the entire pan. The tortillas simmer in the cream. [20:18] Brown sugar chili over cheese grits is really good. [20:35] Amy married a pastor and had to learn how to cook quick. Everything in her cookbook is super easy. She doesn't have time or energy to spend. [21:45] She cooks real food, but tries to use reasonable shortcuts. [22:37] One of Amy's favorite things to do on vacation is shop local grocery stores. [23:39] Amy answers some questions from Melissa's friends. [24:50] Her and her family ate at the Boathouse in Central Park in New York. She's convinced that food tastes better if the situation and the people are right. [26:24] Amy loves using a dutch oven. [28:16] Amy always has butter, pasta, potatoes, onions, heavy cream, and frozen shrimp on hand. [29:21] She leaves the butter out and eats raw cookie dough. [29:58] Amy makes more than she needs and gives out take-out containers to guests. [31:19] Her love languages are verbal affirmations and gifts. People bring her treats and things made in her city. She always keeps sauces, salts, and red pepper jelly with little serving spoons. [34:55] Always have a little something on hand for a hostess gift. [37:17] David makes the Aaron Franklin smoker recipe. [38:42] Amy felt like God told her she had something to say. Women are busy, compare themselves, and have lost what a privilege it is to be in the kitchen cooking. If we remember that we have a purpose to live with intention and change the lives of people. [39:51] Remember that we have a wonderful purpose to be intentional in our kitchen's for God's glory. People love to gather and eat. Food breaks down walls and creates connections and unity. [41:48] Double your recipe, if you have soup to give the person who needs food will come. Live in a spirit of generosity. [43:04] Love Welcome Serve is an awareness for Amy. [46:56] I'm bringing you dinner. What's the best night? Don't ask, just tell. [47:09] Everybody at home can just breathe and relax. It represents a slower sweeter time. [49:00] Teenagers want adults around who love them for who they are. [51:04] Amy and her husband Sam are in a new season in their lives. Raising teenagers and their friends were a delight in their home. [53:49] Things look different in every season, open your eyes to find relationships to love and nurture. [55:13] People who are cooked for feel cared for. [56:37] Amy answers the lightning round...
Links and Resources:Podcast Web Page Facebook Page @MsMelissaRadke on Instagram @msmelissaradke on Twitter Eat Cake. Be Brave. Sign Up for Insider Access Fab Fit Fun Boxes For $10 Off Use the Code: Ordinary Bolster Sleep For 10% Off Use the Code: Ordinary Love Welcome Serve: Recipes that Gather and Give Bob Goff Le Creuset Dutch Oven Franklin Barbecue Amy Hannon Euna Mae’s Euna Mae’s on Instragram Euna Mae’s on Facebook
UNadulteratedOrdinary People. Ordinary Things. with Melissa Radke add
Erin Arruda is here today. We met during a conference, and we both liked each other instantly. One of the chapters in my book, that has gotten a lot of feedback from both women and men is the chapter titled Lovers and Leavers. Erin’s story goes well with that chapter. Erin found redemption and happiness, but it wasn’t an easy journey, and it certainly wasn’t easy to talk about.
Erin openly shares her story of life, love, guilt, shame, and redemption on today’s show. She also talks about her book Unadulterated: His Scandalous Grace—Your New Identity and how she found her way back to the lord and happiness. Erin is now happily married with three beautiful daughters. She loves her friends, and holds them close in her heart and home. I hope you enjoy this inspirational conversation with Erin.
Show Notes[04:26] Melissa and Erin instantly bonded over books and the desire to tell their stories. [05:55] Erin was raised in church with two sisters and a brother. Somehow along the path she started associating church with perfectionism. [07:21] She tried to check all the boxes and do everything she was supposed to do. [07:41] She got married after college but became an isolated and depressed person. [08:28] She fell into every temptation and began to have an affair. She was still engaged with church and her family, but she was hiding another life. [09:29] After the affair ended, she just kept going with her life. [09:46] Isolation and hiding keeps us from being vulnerable. [10:20] She got a new job and worked long hours. She also fell in love with a guy from work. [10:53] She felt her marriage was a prison and left her husband and moved in with her sister. [12:46] Then she discovered that she was pregnant. [15:07] She was in a desperate place. She even considered getting an abortion. [16:30] She just got divorced and now she was going to get married again and have a baby. [17:05] Mickey asked her parents for their blessing. [18:04] Her father welcomed Mickey, and she realized if he could love her that much than how much more could her God in heaven love her. [18:17] In that moment everything changed. [21:33] She started planning the wedding. Three days later she miscarried. Her entire family showed up to grieve. [22:44] They still got married, and that was almost 12 years ago. [24:21] It is better in the light. [29:07] After you realize you are forgiven, there is another part. It's that our identity really is in the resurrection. The connection of that is what helped Erin to get past the shame she felt after she was forgiven. [30:16] Because of Jesus, our sin no longer has power. [31:23] Erin's parents didn't know that Erin had another affair or that it had been going on with Mickey for so long. [32:02] Erin and MIckey submitted their questions to the lord. They let the word restore them out of brokenness. [33:15] There are churches that are okay with imperfection. [34:16] Erin and Mickey have three beautiful girls, and they both serve in the church. [37:10] Erin gets strength about telling her story when people thank her because she has helped them. [40:41] If you knew how much Jesus loved you, you wouldn't feel shame and guilt. Jesus calls you by your name not by what you have done. [43:17] Erin does the lightning round...
Links and Resources:Podcast Web Page Facebook Page @MsMelissaRadke on Instagram @msmelissaradke on Twitter Eat Cake. Be Brave. Sign Up for Insider Access Fab Fit Fun Boxes For $10 Off Use the Code: Ordinary Bolster Sleep For 10% Off Use the Code: Ordinary Erin Arruda Website Erin Arruda on Instagram Unadulterated: His Scandalous Grace—Your New Identity Erin Arruda on Facebook firstname.lastname@example.org Chris Tomlin
Bonus Episode: BreakthroughOrdinary People. Ordinary Things. with Melissa Radke add
This week you'll have the opportunity to go see Breakthrough. It's the real life story of John Smith who fell into a frozen lake and was submerged for 15 minutes. After countless tries to start his heart, John died on the operating table, but everything changed when his mom walked in the room.
Breakthrough is the true story of a modern day miracle. I am so excited to talk with Devon Franklin who produced the movie. Devon is a film & TV producer, best-selling author, preacher, and spiritual success coach. You may have seen some of his other movies like Miracles from Heaven or Heaven Is for Real.
Jason Noble is the real life Pastor of John Smith and is played by Topher Grace in the movie. Jason shares his first hand account of the miracle he witnessed and was a part of. We also talk about the movie, miracles, God, faith, and trials of being a pastor. I also get to ask a few questions about what went on behind the scenes.
Show Notes[03:37] Melissa got to see a preview of breakthrough, and it was so beautiful and powerful, and it was such a relief that she didn't have to ask her kids to leave the room. [05:57] One of the things that Devon is curious about is how Breakthrough full affect youth since the main character John Smith is a teenager. [06:38] If we stop and look around, we will see breakthroughs happening in our lives right now. [07:30] A breakthrough is the moving of an obstacle to let progress can resume. [08:27] Devon also made Miracles from Heaven and Heaven Is for Real. These movies find him. [09:44] Making the films is easy, it's the marketing and promotion that is hard. [11:44] Breakthrough is a true story with a message within the story. [13:44] Devon answers the three questions… [18:41] Jason loves Topher Grace although he always though he would be played by Matt Damon in a movie. [20:51] Joyce Smith and Jason never had any problems in real life. [22:37] A sub part of the story is really a love letter to Pastors. [23:13] Jason knew John would come out of the coma and heal. God was calling him to stay with him. [25:09] Jason saw angels in the room, and he knew that John would walk out of there. [28:27] Part of positioning yourself for a miracle is not giving up. [29:15] When God takes a loved one home, we have to trust him with that and be okay with it. [29:51] We have to pray believing that God is going to show up and be okay with the outcome. [32:00] Jason and the Smiths are family now, they will be close for the rest of their lives. God has put them together for a lifetime. [32:58] Take a friend or someone to the movie with you! [33:35] Jason answers the three questions...
Links and Resources:Podcast Web Page Facebook Page @MsMelissaRadke on Instagram @msmelissaradke on Twitter This Sucks But God Is Good (online course) Eat Cake. Be Brave. Eat Cake. Be Brave. Book Club How to Take Your Marriage From Here to There Audio Download Sign Up for Insider Access Fab Fit Fun Boxes For $10 Off Use the Code: Ordinary Bolster Sleep Tell them Melissa sent you! Devon Franklin Devon Franklin on Instagram @DeVonFranklin on Twitter The Truth About Men Breakthrough Movie Breakthrough to Your Miracle
Soul Little Issues, Soul Little TimeOrdinary People. Ordinary Things. with Melissa Radke add
It’s time for the third part to the body, mind, and soul series. I kicked off this season working on my body. I’ve even lost 25 pounds. It’s not a fast pace, but I’m keeping at it. In the second section of the podcast it was all about the MIND. This was received really well. I wage a war with my mind every single day of my life. I've done a lot of prayer, listening, and counseling, so that I run my MIND now.
Sometimes people don’t like to talk about the soul, but the mind, body, and soul are all interconnected. We can’t improve one without improving the other. God made us with this body, soul, mind combination. To have one is to have them all. Maybe people shy away from talking about the soul, because they don’t want to talk about God. Maybe spirituality is too controversial. On this episode, I share some of the investigative work that I have put into the soul as we kick off this new part of the series.
Show Notes[05:43] Some people believe in a trichotomous view. Which means we are made up of three parts body, mind, and soul. Others have a dichotomous view with only two parts meaning the inward and outward. [06:50] Our soul is the spiritual part of our being. Inside of us there is Zoe. This is referring with the union we have with God. [08:11] Our souls come from God. Maybe the issue no one wants to talk about is God. [09:49] It doesn't make sense to not spend time on the thing that spiritually means life or death. [10:00] Today, I'm going to share some investigative work I've been doing on the soul. [10:27] You plus your money plus your job plus your status plus your friends plus the car you drive plus the private school your kids attend equal nothing. [11:00] Y O U you equal everything. [11:12] You are your soul, and your soul is you. The soul is about the slow unglamorous building of character. [13:29] We are in a barren land when it comes to matters of the soul. [14:29] Determine which of the three types of souls that you are. [14:39] The hardened soul. Holding unforgiveness. [15:08] The shallow soul. The time is about me. [15:45] The cluttered soul. Too busy. [16:18] Whatever you do is going to be out of your soul. [16:59] Every good thing that flows into our life and every good thing that flows out of our life is directly related to our soul. [17:34] Sin can wear the soul down and break it apart. It destroys every good thing about us. [18:04] If you feel broken or lost, look at how you are living. [18:36] We all long to have wounds healed. [18:56] Spend the time and do the work to fix it. No matter how you have to, fix it. [19:53] I want God's will to be fulfilled through my lifetime no matter how that may look. [21:49] Our soul resides in each of us and determines our lives and our future.
Links and Resources:Podcast Web Page Facebook Page @MsMelissaRadke on Instagram @msmelissaradke on Twitter This Sucks But God Is Good (online course) Eat Cake. Be Brave. Eat Cake. Be Brave. Book Club How to Take Your Marriage From Here to There Audio Download Sign Up for Insider Access Fab Fit Fun Boxes For $10 Off Use the Code: Ordinary Bolster Sleep For 10% Off Use the Code: Ordinary A Course in Weight Loss: 21 Spiritual Lessons for Surrendering Your Weight Forever To MIND Own Self Be True Don’t MIND Me, It’s Just the Season 2 Premiere Soul Keeping: Caring For the Most Important Part of You
LandMINDS In MarriageOrdinary People. Ordinary Things. with Melissa Radke add
One of the things I've heard a lot about last season was that you guys loved it when the Attorney General was on the show. This is an episode featuring David Radke during our MIND series. So of course, this show is titled LandMINDS In Marriage. This is an appropriate topic because we get a lot of questions about our marriage. We have both been very open and vulnerable about our relationship.
Today, we are going to talk about some of the landmines in our own marriage. We are going to share five things that are sore topics or maybe things that we have learned in our marriage. It’s funny, because some of the conventional wisdom and advice doesn’t always apply. We have found five things that enable us to avoid a fight, diffuse a situation, or eventually get past whatever the problem was. We hope you enjoy this little glimpse into our marriage and our lives.Show Notes [02:13] The other night we were racing home to get our kids. We passed Kingwood, and David wanted to go to Culver's and I didn't. I suggested we go to two places. David won't do that. He thinks it's a waste of time. [04:08] David is a man of purpose, that is why we call him the attorney general. [06:27] 1. Your mother. We don't bring up our families in our fights. We don't want to bring in outside issues into our marriage or cause a fight. Our families are part of our lives, but they are not part of our marriage. [07:27] It's taking a shot below the belt. [08:25] We are imperfect parents raised by imperfect parents who were raised by imperfect parents. [09:43] The grace we give is the grace we will receive. [13:47] Focus on one good thing and give yourself time to mature. Find one good trait. [14:40] 2. Keeping score. This is different than forgiveness. [15:49] We have been married 25 years. We can forgive even when things aren't forgotten. Use caution and don't bring up those things. If there is true forgiveness. it's not fair to bring those things up. [17:48] Stop keeping records of wrongs. Don't remind them of what they did and speak to who they are. [19:22] 3. We go to bed angry and often wake up with a clear head. [21:42] It's freeing to go to bed angry. We don't even sleep apart. Give yourself a break, don't go to the couch. [22:31] We make poor decisions when exhausted and worn out physically and emotionally. [26:03] 4. Button pushing. This was a big one for us. When you spend a lot of time with someone, you know their buttons. [27:46] Write down your hot buttons on a post-it note. It's disrespect to push these buttons intentionally. [29:52] Over time, people change and the hot button issues change. [31:42] When we aren't in the fight is the best time to talk it out. [33:39] The hot button aspect is removed when things are talked about. [34:03] 5. A hand gesture that would signify an immediate stop. No matter how tense things are. Everything stops! Enough of this topic now. [35:56] This gesture has to be used sparingly and responsibly. [36:43] We have used this when it comes to money, parenting, business, or when we were tired. [37:21] It's a pause button. [38:57] Treat the other person like you would want to be treated. Try to out serve and out love them and a time will come when it is returned. [40:38] Became a safe place for your spouse to fall. Pillows not thorns. [41:32] We took a canoe trip. We tipped over three times in a 30 degree river in Oklahoma. We were sitting in the wrong positions. [43:13] It was a hilarious trip, but we love each other. We pick on each other, but we LOVE each other. [44:28] The more time we spend with each other the better. We are wild about each other. [45:27] The last three questions with David! [47:25] If there is one thing I want you to know about this episode is that you can let go of all of the trite cliches and expectations.
Minding Our Own BusinessOrdinary People. Ordinary Things. with Melissa Radke add
I had a wonderful beautiful childhood, and I feel really blessed and fortunate to be able to say that. I was an only child for most of my life. I was very close to my parents, and I felt very safe in my home. I know that's not the story for everyone. It's always bothered me and maybe even made me feel a little bit guilty. I want everyone's childhood to be perfect and rosy and without trauma. Now that I'm a parent, I know that we never get it all right. At this point, most of us are aware of our parents misgivings.
A few months ago, I attended a class on childhood trauma. I wasn't even sure if this class was going to be for me. A great communicator can draw you in whether the topic specifically pertains to you or not. That's what Carlos Martinez did that day. He was such a great teacher that I hung on every word. Carlos is here today to talk about childhood trauma, forgiveness, and more. Before listening to this episode, we recommend that you watch this TED Talk about adverse childhood experiences.
You can find Carlos here:
[05:01] Carlos got his first Masters in Divinity. Then his second Masters is in counseling.
[06:17] Dream Big was held in a place nestled in Tennessee, and it's a life-changing place that Carlos now works at. They hold different intensive workshops.
[08:08] Melissa has been going over her journal that she started at the Dream Big Event. It's not about the rip, it's about the repair. Melissa was so taken with what Carlos was saying that she couldn't even take notes.
[10:04] The TED Talk by Nadine Burke Harris talks about how childhood trauma can change the development of our brain.
[10:24] Carlos is a survivor of several kinds of trauma, so he is deeply immersed in it. He loves how the TED Talk makes the topic accessible.
[11:08] Carlos had to work through his anger and frustration about the things that weren't being talked about at church.
[11:56] God's grace allows us to do what we can with the information that we are given if we let ourselves step into it.
[12:04] Having survived trauma himself, Carlos realized that he could work with trauma survivors.
[13:05] In the video, she talks about ACES or Adverse Childhood Experiences.
[15:23] The Still Face Experiment video. It's traumatic for a child not to get a response from a parent.
[17:40] It's not pleasant to think about, but if we think back some of us might find some emotional abuse.
[18:20] The higher your ACE score the more it affects your health.
[19:02] Carlos is forever a work-in-progress working on his day-to-day recovery.
[19:28] He has always had an issue with breathing and catching his breath. He has to take steps to relax and breathe normally.
[20:40] Carlos is constantly working on the repair of himself and those around him and those under his stewardship.
[20:58] Having a relationship with Christ gives you grace for that day.
[21:52] Breathing is one of our primal urges and threats to our safety can be a primal threat.
[22:40] Our life comes from our breath, and it is our most basic drive.
[23:49] It's not about the rip, it's about to repair. This is about taking responsibility and stepping into the repair. This reminds Carlos of Romans 5 in the Bible. The power of Jesus brought dead people to life.
[25:55] Imagine what relationships could be repaired if we step into taking full ownership and repairing those relationships.
[27:04] Saying I'm sorry is being vulnerable, and it doesn't come easy for everyone.
[29:32] There's a physical, spiritual, mental, and emotional cost of not forgiving.
[30:21] Forgiveness isn't a moment it's a process.
[32:22] Carlos has a small inner circle, and those who he holds the closest, he also holds the most accountable.
[34:44] Relationships are special gifts limited by time and space and energy.
[36:35] Know that this message came across today, because it's the next step in your journey. This is part of God's timing, so take the next step and reach out or talk to someone or find counseling.
[38:02] We are all worth investing in and showing ourselves a little bit of mercy.
[39:35] Three Rapid Fire questions with Carlos...
[42:40] What you went through is real, and it's part of the story that makes you you. I hope you can get to a place of acceptance and learn from it and grow from it.
[43:40] Take a screenshot on your phone and let us know why this episode was important to you.
Links and Resources:Podcast Web Page Facebook Page @MsMelissaRadke on Instagram @msmelissaradke on Twitter This Sucks But God Is Good (online course) Eat Cake. Be Brave. Eat Cake. Be Brave. Book Club How to Take Your Marriage From Here to There Audio Download Sign Up for Insider Access Dream Big Bob Goff ACES TED Talk How Childhood Trauma Affects Health Across a Lifetime | Nadine Burke Harris Still Face Experiment: Dr. Edward Tronick The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma The Best Gift You Can Ever Give Your Parents Nadine Harris TED Talk About ACES
Mind Your MannersOrdinary People. Ordinary Things. with Melissa Radke add
Diane Gottsman is a national etiquette expert. She is the owner of a company that specializes in corporate etiquette training. She is the author of Modern Etiquette for a Better Life. She has appeared on The Today Show, Headline News, CBS Sunday Morning, and in the New York Times. She is also poised, beautiful, smart, and so well-spoken.
I was nervous about having an etiquette expert like Diane on the show today, but she put me at ease. Diane teaches that etiquette is about mind and soul, and that they are connected. She believes that etiquette is about putting other people at ease, and that's what she did with me. She also answered my questions with such grace and wisdom that I loved this episode. Diane shares insights about life we all need to keep in mind. This interview wasn’t what I had expected, but it is filled with actionable knowledge we can all use.
You can find Diane here:
Show Notes[02:45] Diane is in San Antonio today. [05:25] To Diane etiquette isn't stuffy, it's about life skills and making other people feel comfortable. Every person at every age can fine-tune their life skills. [05:59] When Diane was growing up she didn't know what she wanted to do, but she did know she wanted to work with people. [06:25] Diane has a master's degree in human behavior. She started fundraising for meals-on-wheels. She also worked with a children's charity and one of the children said when she grew up she wanted to be just like Diane. [07:33] She had an aha moment and realized that knowledge and training was all that was holding this little girl back. This inspired Diane to work and train people in all walks of life. [08:33] She merged her teaching and training into one. By nature Diane is an introvert. She is still shy, but she's a socialized introvert. [09:48] It's up to us to be relationship builders. Etiquette is just about being authentic and genuine. That is what Diane teaches. [10:37] We get to choose how we behave and how others treat us. We train people how to treat us. If someone is talking down to you, you don't have to waste a lot of time with them. [11:07] It's about feeling good about yourself and knowing that you are not competing with anyone else. [11:16] Money doesn't buy class it buys a great pair of shoes. It's about self confidence and making others around you feel comfortable. [11:36] If everyone likes you, there's something wrong with you. It means you're not speaking your truth. [11:45] Diane teaches etiquette which is about mind and soul, and they are connected. [13:02] There's a difference between assertive and aggressive. You lose your power when you scream or shout. [13:48] As we grow, we weed our friendship gardens. [14:40] A graceful exit isn't a shouting match. It's better to talk about something positive rather than negative. You can gracefully exit. You don't need to give excuses. There is power in truth, but use good judgement. [16:54] Diane owns the Protocol School of Texas which is a company that specializes in corporate etiquette training. [17:35] You are your brand. Always work on your brand. [19:44] It's up to us as parents to do the best that we can. Give your kids structure and boundaries. [20:54] Diane instilled values in her kids. The need to be respectful, make eye contact, exchange a handshake when appropriate, and be open and have grace. Give everyone the benefit of the doubt. [22:13] When eating at restaurants, at the end of the meal, Melissa asks her kids what were the color of the eyes of their waiter or waitress. [22:48] When you are introduced to someone stand up. [25:25] Balance is the key with social media. You can tell a great deal about a person from their posts. Social media can help you, but we all need face-to-face relationships. [27:20] Texting isn't a bad thing, but it may not be the best thing in some situations. Know the language of the person that you are relating to. [28:29] Everyone should have people around them who lift them up. [31:44] Cell phone etiquette? Put your phone away at a party or event. You can use your phone when getting a pedicure. Use your best judgement. The most important person is sitting across from you. [34:28] Thank you notes? They aren't outdated. Send the note. [36:29] Hold a red wine glass from the bowl and a white wine glass from the stem. A champagne flute is held from the stem. [36:56] Hostess gifts are still a thing. Take one when you are invited to a party or to stay at someone’s home. Send flowers in advance. Don't make the host or hostess stop and find a vase. Bring wine, tea towels, or olive oil. [38:21] You shouldn't be thinking about the exit at the entrance of a party. It's your job to be pleasant and interesting. At a wedding reception, wait until the cake is cut. At a dinner, you have to wait for dessert. [40:57] Tipping for a housekeeper during holidays is fine. [42:16] How to deal with personal questions. These questions are invasive and off limits. Keep your questions to yourself. Set boundaries with questions. [45:41] Listen to your gut, it will guide you. Be kind to yourself and give yourself a break. [46:49] We should all strive to surround ourselves with people who lift us up. [48:12] Diane answers the three rapid fire questions. [52:41] Etiquette is about class and grace. It's about raising our children to make others feel like the most important people in the room. It's about looking people in the eye when we speak to them. It's about listening instead of speaking. It's about putting down our phones. It's about extending a hand rather than a text.
Links and Resources:Podcast Web Page Facebook Page @MsMelissaRadke on Instagram @msmelissaradke on Twitter This Sucks But God Is Good (online course) Eat Cake. Be Brave. Eat Cake. Be Brave. Book Club How to Take Your Marriage From Here to There Audio Download Modern Etiquette for a Better Life How to Change How You Feel Without Changing Who You Are Webinar Tipping Etiquette
Mind Made UpOrdinary People. Ordinary Things. with Melissa Radke add
I love today’s guest. My friend Ashley Berry is a life coach, entrepreneur, cancer survivor, mom, foster mom, and woman of strength and wisdom. She loves and touches everyone she comes into contact with. Ashley is passionate about coaching and seeing lives changed for the better. She has overcome breast cancer and many other obstacles in life and is a pure inspiration. She also proves God's love even in times of uncertainty.
In this episode, we have a no holds barred conversation about life, love, and parenting. Ashley shares her perspective on today’s society and culture and gives some wonderful ways that we can all make our world better. She lives by example and cares for everyone she meets. We talk about men, raising children, respecting each other, and how Ashley turned her breast cancer journey into the inspiration to start a nonprofit to help others in need.
You can find Ashley here:
Show Notes[07:20] Ashley was dating her son's father in college. It didn't work out for them, but Ashley has a son named Cayden and now has a good relationship with his father. [09:32] As a result, Ashley is teaching her son to take care of his responsibilities. [10:15] Ashley met her dad when she was 12, and it was a series of let downs after that. [11:26] Ashley is ready to get married. The type of guy who is going to be in her life has to love God first. [13:59] About six years ago, Ashley was praying and she visualized herself sitting with Jesus. That moment changed her relationship with Christ and has helped her to love people differently. [17:02] Ashley grew up with her grandparents until she was seven, and her grandfather was an alcoholic. [19:41] Ashley worries about whether Cayden will be seen differently, because he is black. [22:32] She wants to protect him, so she sets an example of how to be respectful. [25:50] All people deserve the same mutual respect. [27:08] Saying negative things in front of our children leaves a much stronger impact then we realize. [28:13] When we all decide that we are all valuable and worth so much more, and we start truly caring about each other we will stop being mean and start caring about people. [31:07] Melissa shares an example that Oprah told about how pit bulls are loving, but they are feared because of all the bad things people hear. Oprah made the same analogy about black men. [32:12] There are so many good strong intelligent black men who are leaders in this country. These men are setting the pathway for younger black men behind them. [33:17] We can teach children to respond in such a way that doesn't continue the vicious cycle. [33:58] Ashley is also a foster care parent. She has been fostering since August. She now has a 14 month old little boy. [34:57] He is a joy. He sleeps all night long and eats really well. [35:42] People need to show these children what family looks like and break the cycle of dysfunctional families. [37:21] Ashley refuses to allow circumstances to define her. Breast cancer was one of those situations. [38:49] There's no point in just existing. We need to dig deep and get it done. [39:45] Ashley is a life coach and the owner of 3 event venues. [40:27] She also helped her best friend with catering. [40:43] She is also starting a nonprofit called East Texas Cancer Alliance of Hope. [40:58] There is a significant need for tangible hope for people with cancer. [41:56] They will provide tangible hope in the form of gas vouchers, food vouchers, hotel bills, co-pays, and things that will make it easier for people not to have to choose between treatment and paying the bills. [42:30] When Ashley sees a need for something, she goes ahead and does it. [43:57] Do what you can with what you have. Nothing should hold you back. Someone is waiting for you to tell your story. Be authentic and inspire and help someone. [45:20] Ashley loves people, and where she is today is where God has taken her. [47:45] Ashley answers the rapid fire questions. [51:47] Live in such a way that if someone spoke badly about you, no one would believe it. That is how Melissa feels about Ashley.
Links and Resources:Podcast Web Page Facebook Page @MsMelissaRadke on Instagram @msmelissaradke on Twitter This Sucks But God Is Good (online course) Eat Cake. Be Brave. Eat Cake. Be Brave. Book Club How to Take Your Marriage From Here to There Audio Download Just Mercy Just Mercy for Young Adults Oprah and Bryan Stevenson The Shack Limitless Event Venues East Texas Cancer Alliance of Hope Dare to Lead
Mind Over MotherOrdinary People. Ordinary Things. with Melissa Radke add
We miss so many good opportunities, because we won't walk across the room. I was at the same conference as Nicole, and I asked what brought her here. She said that she's a mom of four and two of her children are almost grown and two of her children are still at home, and she has been looking at her life and thinking what's next. Do you ever wonder what's next for you? Are you ever looking for something more?
Nicole Botha is excited by travel. She is an experience seeker. She loves yarn and is intrigued by diversity. She finds authenticity stimulating and suburbia frustrating. She is a feeler and an introvert. She is moved by heart connections, and she thinks kindness is sexy. She is here to today to discuss what it means to want something more and how to find that something.
You can find Nicole here:
Show Notes[03:34] Nicole is on the East Coast of South Africa. [04:07] South Africa celebrates Christmas, but the weather is different. Her family took a road trip and discovered the country and then went to Cape Town and Johannesburg. [04:58] Then some of her family climbed Kilimanjaro on January 1st. [06:15] Melissa met Nicole at Bob Goff's Dream Big Conference. [06:21] Nicole and her husband got married in their early twenties. They have been married for 27 years and have four children. [06:46] Their oldest daughter is in her last year of college and is hoping to go study in Paris. [06:56] Her next daughter is almost 18 and summited Kilimanjaro along with her husband. [07:11] Their son Chase is 15, and son Rory is 11. [08:24] The greatest thing about moving away from family is that you are left with only relying on each other. This creates opportunities to grow and explore. [10:24] Nicole had a lot of problems with one of her daughters, and it took her a long time to get over the control she had over her. [11:57] The worst thing she ever had to do was tell her daughter that she didn't have to love her. [14:39] She told her daughter that she couldn't cross the bridge to see her anymore, but her daughter was welcome to cross the bridge to visit her. [16:19] She also apologized to her other children for all the attention and energy they had to give to her one daughter. [17:33] It's not healthy for a family to have problems that they don't talk about. [21:40] Nicole learned that just because her children are different, it doesn't mean that she is a failure. [22:12] The key is the way that we respond when things go off the rails. [26:12] Nicole has no problem with challenging societal norms. She won't just lie down and play dead. [27:11] Rebels with a cause is about when God puts things in front of us that are different and how doing the same thing everyday to deal with it doesn't work. We can force everything to be the same. We are all here for a purpose and have different treasures within us. [33:42] How there's a swing with people beginning to realize that they can be vulnerable with their emotions. [36:18] Things are now okay with Nicole and her daughter, and they are even friends. [37:58] Our lives and our families are in jeopardy if we don't have an ongoing relationship with God. [40:17] Nicole is trying to turn more in to God, she visualizes herself in a duvet and rolling into Him. [43:46] Nicole answers the rapid fire questions. [47:31] I really loved this interview and how down to earth Nicole is. She does what she can do and lets God sort out the best.
Links and Resources:Podcast Web Page Facebook Page @MsMelissaRadke on Instagram @msmelissaradke on Twitter This Sucks But God Is Good (online course) Eat Cake. Be Brave. Eat Cake. Be Brave. Book Club How to Take Your Marriage From Here to There Audio Download Culture of Honor Loving Our Kids On Purpose Dream Big Bob Goff Number One Question Free Webinar