Episodes
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In this episode, Becky and Hayley dive into the topic of ‘Attachment and Bonding’, a complex subject that many parents of donor-conceived children are understandably concerned about. Questions such as ‘Will I bond with my child born through egg donation?’ or ‘How will I feel about my baby if we don’t share genetics?’ are all addressed in a compassionate and validating way, whilst also offering some practical advice around how to overcome these feelings. Becky and Hayley draw on their own lived experience as parents through donor conception to offer comfort to the listener, whilst simultaneously looking to the research on this fascinating topic to find some answers regarding this commonly held fear.
Have a listen to the Top Questions To Ask About Donors Episode here
Links of note that are mentioned during the episode:
Paths to Parenthub Membership details
Paths to Parenthub LGBTQ+ Membership details
Hayley’s Instagram page
Becky’s Instagram pages:
@definingmum
@paths_to_parenthub
Research mentioned in the episode:
Golombok, S (2011) Children conceived by gamete donation: Psychological adjustment and mother-child relationships at age 7.
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Choosing a donor can feel like a huge and momentous decision, with lots of emotions involved, information to consider, and steps to take as you move towards becoming a parent through donor conception. Hayley and Becky talk about their own personal experiences of selecting their donors, the smaller decisions that led them to go ahead with their decisions, and how they feel as they reflect on their choices now. They chat about what they wished they'd have known, and consider the different types of donor options and matching processes, as well as the transparency and support they'd like to see more widely as an industry.
Links mentioned in the episode are:
Paths to Parenthub LIVE Summit 2024 - Tickets available here: https://pathstoparenthub.com/virtual-summit/
Paths to Parenthub Membership details: https://pathstoparenthub.com
Paths to Parenthub LGBTQ+ Membership details: https://pathstoparenthub.com/lgbtq-paths-to-parenthub/
Paths to Parenthub Instagram page: www.instagram.com/paths_to_parenthub
Hayley’s Instagram page: www.instagram.com/dcp_journey_2_rp
Becky’s Instagram pages: www.instagram.com/definingmum
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Missing episodes?
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Early disclosure within donor-conceived families is thankfully now considered best practice, however, that doesn’t mean that the process of ‘telling’ is as easy as child’s play. In this episode, Becky and Hayley take a closer look into the practicalities of discussing conception stories with our donor-conceived children, whilst also exploring some of the complex emotions that may arise for parents when attempting this process. Becky and Hayley provide some helpful examples of how they have tackled these discussions and share some of their favourites children’s story books, tips, and resources that have helped their families along the way.
Links of note that are mentioned during the episode:
Paths to Parenthub LIVE Summit 2024 - Tickets available here: https://pathstoparenthub.com/virtual-summit/
Paths to Parenthub Membership details: https://members.definingmum.com
Paths to Parenthub LGBTQ+ Membership details: https://members.definingmum.com/lgbtq-paths-to-parenthub/
Hayley’s Instagram page: www.instagram.com/dcp_journey_2_rp
Becky’s Instagram pages: www.instagram.com/definingmum www.instagram.com/paths_to_parenthub
Book Titles mentioned within the episode:
What Makes A Baby https://wwwcorysilverberg.com/
Happy Together https://www.happytogetherchildrensbook.com/
We Are Family https://www.wearefamilybooks.co.uk/
My Donor Story https://www.mydonorstory.com/
Our Story https://www.dcnetwork.org/our-bookshop/
Robo Babies https://www.owletpress.com/product-page/robo-babies
Secret Code Inside of Me https://www.rajanilarocca.com/picture-books/the-secret-code-inside-you/
Research article mentioned in episode Telling donor-conceived children about their conception: Evaluation of the use of the Donor Conception Network children’s books. Harper, J et al (2022) https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/pii/S2405661821000150
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Managing feelings and emotions around ‘Genetic Loss’ can be a challenge for many parents who have used a donor to build their family. In this episode, Becky and Hayley take a deep dive into the complexities of the emotions surrounding genetic loss, how they can present themselves, and why it’s so important for us to validate and speak up about this often unspoken topic.
During this episode Becky and Hayley discuss how Genetic Loss has personally impacted them, both as parents who do not share DNA with their children, and in Hayley’s case as a donor conceived person too. Both hosts offer reassurance, validation and practical advice about how to best tackle this nuanced topic - and also explore how an initial ‘loss’ has also brought about a significant ‘gain’ within their families.
As always, we love to hear from you so do feel free to reach out to Hayley or Becky through Instagram, your comments and questions can help us shape future episodes, all designed to open up conversations that previously haven't been openly discussed.
Links of note that are mentioned during the episode:
Paths to Parenthub Membership details:
https://members.definingmum.com
Paths to Parenthub LGBTQ+ Membership details:
https://members.definingmum.com/lgbtq-paths-to-parenthub/
Hayley’s Instagram page:
www.instagram.com/dcp_journey_2_rp
Becky’s Instagram pages:
www.instagram.com/definingmum
www.instagram.com/paths_to_parenthub
Family by Co Article
Handling Resemblance Talk
https://www.cofertility.com/family-learn/navigating-comments-about-your-donor-conceived-childs-resemblance-a-guide-to-responding
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In a recent social media post Becky talked about 'acceptance' being key as a recipient parent through donor conception, specifically around accepting that there is another person who holds a 'parent' title in the scientific, genetic sense, as opposed to the day-to-day parenting role. This sparked a discussion within the comments thread, which is why Hayley and Becky decided to record a spontaneous podcast to discuss this further, with more content and nuance that this topic needs.
In this episode you'll hear our own thoughts and opinions, how we approach terminology with our kids, the thoughts of the community who generously shared their insights with us, and research into terminology from a survey of donor conceived individuals.
As always we love to hear from you so do feel free to reach out to Hayley or Becky through instagram, your comments and questions can help us shape future episodes, all designed to open up conversations that previously haven't been openly discussed.
Links of note that are mentioned during the episode:
Paths to Parenthub Membership details:
https://members.definingmum.com
Paths to Parenthub LGBTQ+ Membership details:
https://members.definingmum.com/lgbtq-paths-to-parenthub/
Hayley’s Instagram page:
www.instagram.com/dcp_journey_2_rp
Becky’s Instagram pages:
www.instagram.com/definingmum
www.instagram.com/paths_to_parenthub
Research Study by Donor Sibling Registry:
https://dsr-static-files.s3.us-west-2.amazonaws.com/485cc3a945adcfb7
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In this episode Hayley and Becky discuss some of the phrases that can be used by recipient parents in speaking to their children, specifically 'You are a gift' and 'You were so wanted'. We discuss how these phrases can sometimes be contentious in social media forums, the different perspectives that people may have, why we as parents might use these phrases, and how important context is when these are shared.
With Hayley's experience as a donor-conceived person and both Becky and Hayley's experiences as recipient parents, they explore the nuances, intentions, and potential impacts of using these terms in different scenarios.
Links of note that are mentioned during the episode:
Paths to Parenthub Membership details:
https://members.definingmum.com
Paths to Parenthub LGBTQ+ Membership details:
https://members.definingmum.com/lgbtq-paths-to-parenthub/
Hayley’s Instagram page:
www.instagram.com/dcp_journey_2_rp
Becky’s Instagram pages:
www.instagram.com/definingmum
www.instagram.com/paths_to_parenthub
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In this first episode of the new season of The Paths to Parenthub Podcast, Becky and Hayley discuss the complexities of social media within the context of donor conception. Specifically, posting as parents and (in Hayley’s case) a donor-conceived person too, they highlight the struggles and the triumphs that can come from being part of this growing online community.
During this episode, the pair also discuss what their current challenges are when it comes to navigating life as parents of donor-conceived children, as well as what their hopes and plans are for the podcast series as they enter into season 2 as co-hosts together.
Links of note that are mentioned during the episode:
Paths to Parenthub In-person event:
Leeds, UK 14th of October 2023 - ticket info
https://members.definingmum.com/event/
Paths to Parenthub Membership details:
https://members.definingmum.com
Paths to Parenthub LGBTQ+ Membership details:
https://members.definingmum.com/lgbtq-paths-to-parenthub/
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Following on from series one of the previously named ‘Redefining Parenthood Podcast’, host Becky of DefiningMum is joined by co-host Hayley King of All Things Donor Conception to form the ‘Paths to Parenthub podcast’. Sharing perspectives as parents to donor-conceived children, and in Hayley’s case being a donor-conceived person herself, they focus on conversations about some of the more complex, nuanced aspects of donor conception. With the hope of providing different perspectives, information, reflection, and validation as they openly discuss different topics, share stories and ask listeners for their input.
Resource links:
www.pathstoparenthub.com
www.allthingsdonorconception.com
www.instagram.com/definingmum
www.instagram.com/dcp_journey_2_rp
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In the final episode of The Redefining Parenthood Podcast's first series, I speak with Jen, one of the very first people I connected with on Instagram as she was in the midst of her own fertility journey.
Over many years Jen and her husband have been on a difficult path to parenthood through IVF and loss. Now, as a mum to 'M' all thanks to known egg donation, Jen shares the journey, emotions and personality traits that led her to find their egg donor through a Facebook group and ultimately becoming friends.
We talk about so much, including conversations with friends and family and the unexpected comments, one of which I delve into more detail about with my resident perinatal psychologist Julianne Boutaleb. Julianne talks about the fears we hold in relation to feeling like the 'real' parent as we explore our parenting identity when using an egg donor.
You can find Jen on instagram @sea_magic_everywhere and Julianne @parenthoodinmind.
If you've enjoyed the series please take a moment to rate and review and share with anyone else you think it might help - maybe a friend, family member or partner as another way to raise awareness of and open up conversations about this topic.
Thank you so much for listening, I hope to be back with another series in 2023!
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In this special bonus episode of The Redefining Parenthood Podcast I chat with two egg donors from Altrui Egg Donation, Mollie* and Sarah*. We hear about their experiences in donating their eggs in the UK, why they chose to donate, how it has made them feel and what their hopes are for both the recipient parents and the future children. Such a lovely perspective to hear and understand more about, with some really helpful and reassuring insights for recipient parents and also great advice for anyone considering donating too.
*Names changed to protect identities.
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This episode of the Redefining Parenthood Podcast has been released to coincide with International Donor Conception Awareness Day (ICDAD), where this year the focus is on "talking, listening and learning". As part of this series I wanted to focus on the important perspective of Donor Conceived People (DCP). Social media can be a brilliant tool for opening up discussions, but can often become heated in rapid-fire comment threads, which is why I wanted to host a discussion with two donor conceived adults to bring to life through conversation "What DCP want parents to know".
I'm grateful to be joined by Hayley @dcp_journey_2_rp and Emma @donorconceivedaoteroa who in this episode share six things they believe would be helpful for recipient parents to know.
We cover lots within a short space of time, with some heavy topics discussed. Although some of these may lead to some discomfort in listening as a parent, my hope is that through being presented in this way, it will spark reflection and provoke thoughts. We talk about the perception of the 'angry' DCP, curiosity about genetic origins, being truthful and authentic with your child, embracing differences, being on the journey with our child and the importance of counselling.
In concluding this chat with a message to parents, both Emma and Hayley share a really important point in that "just by listening to this podcast you are already doing so much and benefiting your child". I hope you find this insightful and helpful at whatever stage of the journey you're at.
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In this episode, Becky chats with fellow DEIVF mum and author of Happy Together Children's Book, Julie Marie. We hear Julie's story and what led to her creating Happy Together, before delving deeper into our emotions and experiences of talking to our children about their conception. We also talk about our hopes and fears for the future, as well as the importance of listening, learning and growing as parents, including the many different perspectives that are shared from donor conceived people too.
Following their chat, Becky and Julianne (Perinatal Psychologist at Parenthood in Mind) pick up on why it's important to tell our children about how they came to be, as well as the emotions that are often experienced as we reach the stage where we are finally parenting and start to build and share our family narrative.
Finally, I share a snippet from my most special guest, my daughter Mila, as she brings this whole conversation to life in sharing with you the story of how she was made. My hope is that you will hear the beauty of honesty and openness in talking and telling, helping to make it seem a little less scary. She loved it too - I think she may follow in my footsteps as she's older!
This is a really insightful episode that I hope will again leave you feeling validated, but also more confident and comfortable in sharing your own story, it's also a great one to share with loved ones who may question why it's important to talk about this topic or partners to open a conversation about how this might work for you.
You can find Julie @happytogetherchildrensbook on Instagram and you can view her range of childrens books here - https://www.happytogetherchildrensbook.com/
You can find Julianne @parenthoodinmind on Instagram or at www.parenthoodinmind.co.uk.
Your host, Becky can be found at @DefiningMum on Instagram or through her blog www.definingmum.com. Paths to Parenthub is designed for support and connection for donor conception where you can find out more at www.pathstoparenthub.com or follow on Instagram @paths_to_parenthub.
This podcast was supported by a grant provided by Ferring Pharmaceuticals.
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In this episode Becky chats with Seetal at a point in time where she is still on her path to parenthood through donor conception. Knowing that there are many out there still on their journey, feeling even more isolated when donor conception isn't working in the way they'd expected, Becky wanted to give air-time not just to the success stories, but also to the reality of when things don't always go to plan.
*Sensitive warning - talk of miscarriage*
In this chat Becky and Seetal focus on the emotions she went through right from making the decision to try donor eggs, with the added hope and expectation, through to the devastation and feelings of failure she felt after she experienced loss following their first cycle of DEIVF. They also discuss another lesser talked about topic of donor conception and IVF within the South Asian community, particularly the added cultural challenges that are faced.
Following their chat Becky and Julianne, Perinatal Psychologist at Parenthood in Mind, pick up on the emotional and psychological impact that experiences such as Seetal's can have, especially when they've already suffered grief and had to rebuild our hope before embarking on this path.
This is an emotional episode to listen to but one I hope will help you feel less alone and validated in your feelings.
You can find Seetal @savlafaire on Instagram although please be aware that since recording this episode Seetal has shared a wonderful but sensitive update and so, as Seetal says in her own words, protect your heart if you need to.
You can find Julianne @parenthoodinmind on Instagram or at www.parenthoodinmind.co.uk.
Your host, Becky can be found at @DefiningMum on Instagram or through her blog www.definingmum.com. Paths to Parenthub is designed for support and connection for donor conception where you can find out more at www.pathstoparenthub.com or follow on Instagram @paths_to_parenthub.
This podcast was supported by a grant provided by Ferring Pharmaceuticals.
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In this episode, Becky chats with Shaun, a dad to one-year-old twins conceived using donor sperm following a diagnosis of azoospermia. They focus on Shaun and Jenna's journey to conceive from the male perspective, such as how at the time he didn't realise his grief was presenting as anger and how it impacted his identity as a man. He shares how he started to process his feelings of grief and started to question whether he really needed to share genetics to be a father, leading him to where he is today - a proud dad who in his words is now a stronger version of himself as a result of his journey. This is such an eye-opening and emotive listen from the male perspective which I'm sure many men will relate to.
Following their chat Becky and Julianne, Perinatal Psychologist at Parenthood in Mind, pick up on the theme of how men and women can differ in their reactions to infertility as well as the hidden challenges that men can face in their role, which can often leave them feeling detached from the process itself.
This is a great episode to listen to for a rare insight into what may go through the mind of the male partner in this process and one to share with your partner if you're struggling to get them to open up, one which will hopefully help them feel less alone.
You can find Shaun @knackered_knackers on Instagram and his website
Shaun is also a connection and support group host for Becky's donor conception support platform Paths to Parenthub offering a chance for men and those going down the donor sperm route to connect.
You can find Julianne @parenthoodinmind on Instagram or at her website
Your host, Becky can be found at @DefiningMum on Instagram or through her blog . Paths to Parenthub is designed for support and connection for donor conception where you can find out more here or follow on Instagram @paths_to_parenthub.
This podcast was supported by a grant provided by Ferring Pharmaceuticals.
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In this episode Becky chats with fellow donor egg mama, Camille Guaty, a US TV and Film Actress who is one of the first in Hollywood to openly speak about using an egg donor. They focus on Camille's fertility struggle, her journey towards using donor egg IVF to conceive and the shift in emotions surrounding this. It's emotional, honest and relatable with a focus on the difficult feelings of loss as well as the joy that this path has led to.
Becky then speaks with Julianne Boutaleb, Perinatal Psychologist at Parenthood in Mind to delve deeper into these feelings of loss and longing that can be a big part of the process in moving towards this path to parenthood.
You can find Camille on Instagram @camilleguaty
You can find Julianne Boutleb on Instagram @parenthoodinmind or on her website
You can find Becky on instagram at @definingmum and more about Paths to Parenthub @paths_to_parenthub.
To find out more about how to join Paths to Parenthub and the support on offer visit the website, I would love to welcome you there.
This podcast was supported by a grant provided by Ferring Pharmaceuticals.
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Hosted by Becky of DefiningMum, The Redefining Parenthood (RP) podcast focuses on family building when using a donor, featuring stories where a difficult trying to conceive journey has unexpectedly led them towards this path.
Through personal stories Becky will sharing relatable conversations, talking about hope and expectations, alongside feelings of shame, dealing with genetic loss, family resemblances, talking to others and importantly to our children about this lesser discussed family building story.
She'll be joined by guests who have become friends of mine, all at different stages of their journey, along with Julianne Boutaleb a Perinatal Psychologist from Parenthood in Mind and the pair will delve into a particular feeling, to help bring it out of the shadows and give it meaning.
My hope is that this podcast will provide comfort, give hope, offer insights, provoke thoughts and validate this very complex and emotional path to parenthood.
