Episodes
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RESOURCES
Quick Start Guide: www.leslievernick.com/start Pattern Questions to Ask:
When was the first time ... When was the last time... What is a typical time?What's the worst time?Summary: In this episode, Julie Sedenko and relationship expert Leslie Vernick discuss how to recognize and address destructive relationships. Leslie highlights five key signs of a destructive relationship and offers advice on navigating these challenging situations.
Identifying Red Flags in Marriage
Explanation of common red flags that may indicate a relationship is becoming destructive.Recognizing Patterns of Destructive Behavior
Importance of identifying repeat patterns in behavior that are harmful.Differentiation between occasional mistakes and ongoing destructive patterns.Sign One: Feeling Controlled
Indicators of control and manipulation in a relationship.Psychological and emotional impact of being controlled.Sign Two: Feeling Afraid
Understanding fear in non-physically abusive relationships.Common fears and their effects on the dynamics of a relationship.Sign Three: Feeling Confused
The role of gaslighting in causing confusion.Strategies for regaining clarity and validating one’s own reality.Sign Four: Feeling Objectified
Recognizing when one is being treated as an object rather than a partner.The emotional toll of objectification.Sign Five: Deception
Impact of chronic deception on trust and safety in a relationship.Recognizing the signs of deceit and its consequences.Navigating Deceptive and Manipulative Behavior
Dealing with duplicity and manipulation in relationships.Strategies for protecting oneself and maintaining sanity.Taking Control of Your Happiness
Personal anecdotes and empowerment stories.Importance of self-celebration and taking charge of one’s own well-being.Recognizing Destructive Patterns and Seeking Safety
Identifying patterns and understanding their frequency and intensity.Assessing personal boundaries and safety measures. -
In this episode of Relationship Truth Unfiltered, Dr. Stephanie Holmes, an autism researcher, life coach, and ordained minister, joins us to discuss the unique dynamics of neurodiverse marriages. Dr. Holmes brings her vast expertise and personal experience in navigating the challenges that couples face when one partner is on the autism spectrum. The conversation emphasizes understanding neurodiversity, the impact of late diagnoses on marriages, recognizing red flags, and practical advice for women feeling unheard or unloved in such relationships. Listeners will gain valuable insights into self-care, boundary-setting, and finding supportive communities within a Christian context.
Key TakeawaysUnderstanding Neurodiversity
Explanation of neurodiverse and neurotypical terms.Importance of recognizing different neurological wiring and its impact on relationships.Impact of Late Diagnosis
Effects of late autism spectrum diagnoses on marital relationships.Historical context of autism diagnosis and its implications.Recognizing Red Flags
Identifying signs that a partner might be on the autism spectrum.Need for reassessment for individuals diagnosed with ADHD before 2013.Challenges in Neurodiverse Marriages
Common struggles such as lack of emotional connection and communication issues.Necessity for both partners to learn and adapt to each other's needs.Trauma and Neurodiverse Relationships
Understanding Trauma A (absence of good things) and Trauma B (presence of bad things) in neurodiverse marriages.Impact of trauma on the neurotypical spouse and importance of addressing these issues.Counseling and Coaching
Benefits of coaching over traditional counseling for neurodiverse couples.Importance of individual therapy and trauma work before starting couples work.Personal and Spiritual Growth
Encouraging women to set boundaries and seek self-care.Finding identity and community support outside of the marriage.Final Advice
Practical tips for women feeling unheard or unloved in their relationships.Recognizing and addressing the impact of a spouse's behavior on their well-being. -
Missing episodes?
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RESOURCESLeslie's Quick Start Guide: www.leslievernick.com/start In this episode Julie Sedenko talks to Raquel about her personal journey and insights into toxic marriages, emotional abuse, and healing. You will learn, from Raquel's experiences, about the importance of establishing boundaries, tips for healing after emotional abuse, and key lessons from her marriage. This empowering podcast provides valuable resources and encouragement for those navigating their own relationship challenges.
Raquel's Marriage
Rachel discusses the truth behind her marriage experiencesEmotional Abuse Unmasked
Revealing the signs and effects of emotional abuseRaquel on Toxic Marriages
Insights on what makes a marriage toxicMarriage Boundaries
Raquel’s story on setting and maintaining boundariesHealing After Emotional Abuse
Steps and stories of healing post-abuseRaquel's Marriage Lessons
Key lessons learned from her own marriageEscaping Toxic Relationships
Strategies and advice for leaving toxic situationsRaquel's Guide to Boundaries
Comprehensive guide to establishing and enforcing boundariesToxic Marriage Insights
Additional insights on toxic relationshipsRaquel's Truth on Marriage
Final thoughts and personal truths about marriage -
Honesty and Vulnerability in Friendships:
Initiating tough conversations about unmet needs is essential to gauge respect and mutual support.Small “no” statements reveal whether a friend respects boundaries or tends toward manipulation or guilt-tripping.Guarding Your Heart:
Proverbs 4:23 emphasizes guarding your heart to prevent dependency on others for validation.By making God the source of well-being, friendships become supportive without becoming the foundation of one’s self-worth.Understanding Friendships vs. Ministry Relationships:
Distinguishing between friendships, which are mutual and reciprocal, and ministry relationships, where giving is without expectation.True friendships require both give-and-take, unlike ministry relationships, which may be one-sided.Establishing Healthy Boundaries:
Recognizing personal limits, such as the story of the “laundry lesson,” where a lack of boundaries led to silent resentment.Knowing when to express needs and limitations to avoid burnout and passive-aggressive responses.When Friendships Need to End:
Natural fading of friendships versus ending them with intentional conversations if there’s been a breach of trust.Practicing clarity: If a friendship no longer aligns with your life stage or values, addressing this honestly can prevent miscommunication. -
In this episode of Relationship Truth Unfiltered, Leslie Vernick interviews Michelle Hord, a former producer of Good Morning America. Michelle shares her heartbreaking yet inspiring story of losing her daughter Gabrielle at the hands of her soon-to-be ex-husband and her journey of resilience and faith thereafter.
The Tragic Event
Description of the tragic event involving Michelle's daughter, Gabrielle.Emotional and psychological impact on Michelle and her family.Life Before the Tragedy
Insights into Michelle's marriage and reasons for the divorce.Discussion about emotional abuse and its impact.Gabrielle's Personality
Michelle's memories of Gabrielle.Gabrielle's character and memorable traits.The Night of the Tragedy
Details of the night Gabrielle's life was taken.Michelle’s immediate reactions and actions following the event.Immediate Aftermath
Steps Michelle took following the tragedy.The support system that helped her through the initial shock.Regaining Power and Faith
Michelle’s journey to regain her power and sense of self.Her process of rebuilding faith and resilience.Book Discussion: The Other Side of Yet
Introduction of Michelle’s book.Explanation of the book’s title and central themes.Defiant Faith
Discussion on the concept of defiant faith.How Michelle has embraced defiance against evil and adversity.Support Systems
Importance of having a strong support system during crises.Examples of how Michelle’s friends supported her through difficult times.Gabrielle’s Wings Foundation
Overview of the Gabrielle’s Wings Foundation.The mission and activities of the foundation to honor Gabrielle’s legacy.Conclusion and Prayer
Closing thoughts from Leslie and Michelle.Prayer for listeners facing their own battles with evil and hardship.Additional Details:Links and Resources:
Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)Gabrielle’s Wings Foundation WebsitePurchase Michelle Hord’s Book Michelle Hord's WebsiteLeslie Vernick’s Free Quick Start GuideSocial Media Contacts:
Follow Leslie Vernick on Instagram and FacebookFollow Gabrielle’s Wings on Instagram and Facebook`
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RESOURCES:REGISTER HERE for Leslie's FREE Workshop, If He Doesn't Hit Me, Is it Still Abuse? God Cares. September 24th, 2024, 12pm & 7:30pm Eastern
JOIN CONQUER!! September 24 - October 4th
In this episode, Betty shares her journey through CONQUER, a program that played a pivotal role in her life, first as a married woman and later after her divorce. She discusses how she rediscovered her core values, tackled people-pleasing habits, and found invaluable community support. Her story is a testament to personal growth and resilience, offering hope and a heartfelt prayer for those facing tough times.
Twice the Impact: Betty took CONQUER courses twice—first married, then divorced in December 2016. She reflects on how this dual experience shaped her perspective and growth.
Discovering Authenticity: Betty's journey to rediscover her core values. Insightful question: "Who did God make you to be?"
Moving Beyond People Pleasing: Role plays and self-awareness exercises in CONQUER helped her recognize and overcome patterns of people-pleasing.
Community and Support: Importance of community in Betty's healing journey. Deep connections and friendships formed through CONQUER.
Transformation and Growth: Betty's evolution spiritually and emotionally. Living authentically and secure in identity and faith.
Gratitude and Mentorship: Betty's shares her appreciation for Leslie Vernick's mentorship and teaching. Impactful moments of support and guidance.
Finding Meaning in Difficult Times: Drawing from Isaiah 45:3—finding treasures in darkness. Recognizing God's presence and provision in challenging times.
Encouragement for Listeners: Words of encouragement for those in similar journeys. Embrace inner work, community support, and spiritual growth.
Closing Thoughts and Prayer: Betty's closing reflections on her journey. Heartfelt prayer for listeners in difficult circumstances.
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RESOURCES:
Register Here for Leslie's Free Workshop
Are You in a Destructive Marriage Test/Quick Start Guide
Pam's Journey:
Reflects on her marriage of over two decades overshadowed by manipulation and deceit.Discovering her husband's hidden behaviors: excessive gambling, pornography use, and financial mismanagement.The emotional toll of deception and cycles of hope and disappointment.The turning point: uncovering infidelity and confronting the reality of emotional abuse.Navigating Healing and Transformation:
Coping with legal and financial challenges amidst ongoing deceit and manipulation.Finding solace in resources like Leslie Vernick's teachings and support groups.Recognizing and addressing emotional abuse: setting boundaries and focusing on personal healing.Spiritual growth and redefining beliefs about marriage and submission.Reflections and Moving Forward:
Challenges and victories in navigating divorce and rebuilding self-worth.The role of support systems: friends, family, and therapeutic interventions.Embracing opportunities for personal growth and fulfillment beyond the confines of marriage.Insights into reclaiming identity and finding empowerment in life after abuse. -
RESOURCES: Julie Bonn Blank's website https://www.juliebonnblank.com/ Abuse Recover Ministry: https://abuserecovery.org/ Book: "On the Frontlines of Abuse"Books by Julie Bonn Blank
Near-Death Experience
Julie Bonn Blank shares her profound spiritual experience after a near-death allergic reactionImpact on her faith journey and ministryUnderstanding Coercive Control
Definition and examples of coercive control in relationshipsIts role in perpetuating abuse dynamicsHighlighting ARMS Programs
Overview of "Her Journey" program for survivors of domestic violenceExplanation of "Mankind and Virtue" program for abusersChallenges in Church Responses
Discussion on how churches address abuse within their congregationsImportance of supportive and accountable church environmentsPersonal Reflections on Healing and Relationships
Julie's insights on building healthy relationships after abuseDifferences and learnings from past experiences -
Resources:Leslie's Quick Start Guide"She Deserves Better" by Sheila Gregoire"The Great Sex Rescue" by Sheila GregoireQuestions answered in this episodeCan Women Offer Affection Without It Being Interpreted as a Sexual Invitation?Women may hesitate to show physical affection due to fear of it being seen as an invitation for sex.It’s important to communicate intentions clearly when offering hugs, kisses, or other forms of affection.An effective way to set boundaries: “I love being close to you, but I don’t always want it to lead to sex.”Men should understand that affectionate gestures are not always signals for sex; ongoing dialogue is key.Is It Wrong for a Woman to Fake Orgasms?Faking orgasms can erode trust and intimacy in a relationship.Honest communication about sexual desires and experiences is essential.If a woman is not in the mood for orgasm, she should express this openly: “I want to be close to you but don’t expect me to reach orgasm.”Focus on connection and mutual pleasure rather than performance.Are There Biblical Boundaries for Sexual Practices?Certain practices, such as extramarital sex and harmful activities, are considered off-limits.Biblical teachings emphasize respect, mutual consent, and preserving the sanctity of sexual relationships.Open dialogue about preferences and boundaries helps maintain a healthy relationship.What About Covert Forms of Marital Rape and Coercion?Covert marital rape can involve emotional or spiritual coercion, where consent is not freely given.True consent involves the ability to express desires and boundaries without fear of negative consequences.If coerced into compliance, seek professional help and support to address these issues.Is Masturbation a Concern in a Marriage?There is disagreement in the church on this topic. Masturbation can be a natural part of sexuality and may not necessarily indicate problems in a relationship. It’s important to discuss personal needs and expectations about masturbation within the context of the marriage.Addressing how masturbation affects the relationship openly and respectfully can lead to greater understanding and alignment.My Wife Never Liked Sex but She Married Me—What Should I Do?Feeling deceived when a partner’s sexual preferences or desires differ from expectations can be challenging.It’s important to address these concerns openly with your partner and seek to understand each other’s needs and boundaries.Consider couples counseling to explore these issues in a safe, guided environment.Building a supportive relationship where both partners feel heard and valued is crucial, even if sexual desires do not align perfectly.How Should We Handle Long-Term Relationship Repair and Growth?Long-term relationships, like homes, require regular maintenance and repair.Addressing emotional, physical, or relational damage is crucial for maintaining a healthy relationship.Prioritize well-being and safety; if a partner’s behavior consistently harms the relationship, consider seeking therapy or reevaluating the relationship.Final ThoughtsMarriage and intimate relationships involve navigating various challenges and dynamics.Clear communication, mutual respect, and honest dialogue are essential for a fulfilling and healthy relationship.Seek support and resources to address issues and build a stronger partnership
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RESOURCES:Resources: Kobe’s book: Why Am I Like This?: How to Break Cycles, Heal from Trauma, and Restore Your FaithDwell Bible App
In this episode, Kobe explores the intersection of prayer, therapy, and setting boundaries in the journey of healing from relational wounds and trauma. Drawing from personal and professional experiences, Kobe shares insights and practical tools to empower listeners in their healing journey.
Prayer as a Healing Practice:
Importance of Prayer: Prayer serves as a foundational practice in connecting with God and seeking emotional and spiritual healing.Prayer in Daily Life: Kobe shares personal experiences where prayer has been pivotal in navigating challenges and finding peace amidst turmoil.Spiritual Insights and Healing:
Learning from Elijah: Elijah's journey in 1 Kings 19, is where God provided resources for endurance rather than immediate escape from suffering.Price of Righteousness: Doing the right thing does not always lead to immediate positive outcomes, yet God provides strength and resources for those who persevere.Benefits of Therapy and Coaching:
Perspective Beyond Pain: Therapy and coaching offer insights outside one's immediate suffering, essential for moving beyond trauma.Healing Responsibility: While not responsible for the initial wounds, individuals are accountable for their healing journey.Questioning for Growth: Asking oneself questions is pivotal for healing, acknowledging there are answers beyond current understanding.Setting Boundaries and Biblical Perspective:
Importance of Boundaries: Setting boundaries is biblical and mirrors God's design for relationships, fostering mutual respect and safety.Misconceptions: Boundaries are not about punishment but safeguarding conditions for personal thriving and mutual respect.Breath Prayer for Healing:
Kobe shares a breath prayer exercise as a contemplative practice, combining deep breathing with a prayerful connection to God's presence. -
RESOURCES:
Leslie's Free Webinar: www.leslievernick.com/oDomestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFELeslie Vernick’s book: The Emotionally Destructive MarriageIn this episode of Relationship Truth: Unfiltered, Julie Sedenko and Leslie Vernick delve into the concept of "core strength" and its critical importance for women navigating destructive relationships. This episode is designed for any woman who feels she may be in a harmful relationship, offering practical insights on how to build and use core strength in everyday life, whether she chooses to stay or leave.
Understanding Core Strength:
Leslie shares her personal journey of realizing the importance of core strength, not just physically but emotionally and spiritually. She introduces the concept with a metaphor of physical fitness, explaining how just as a strong core prevents physical collapse, emotional core strength prevents women from collapsing under the weight of a destructive relationship.Core Strength Components:
Courageously Committed to Truth: Living in reality, not denial, and embracing the truth even when it's difficult.Open to the Holy Spirit and Wise Others: The importance of being teachable and surrounding oneself with wisdom rather than just strong opinions.Taking Responsibility: Understanding personal responsibility for one’s safety, well-being, and character development without shifting blame.Empathy with Boundaries: Balancing compassion with the necessity of setting boundaries that protect against enabling destructive behavior.Practical Applications:
Leslie and Julie explore practical scenarios where core strength is applied, including handling disagreements about finances, asserting one's needs, and setting boundaries with a controlling or abusive partner.They discuss the importance of detachment and how women can maintain their emotional and spiritual well-being despite external pressures from a difficult partner.Facing Reality and Fear:
The episode addresses the fear of confronting harsh realities, like leaving an abusive situation or facing the consequences of setting boundaries. Leslie emphasizes the need to acknowledge fear but not let it dictate actions.Building a Safety Plan:
The importance of having a safety plan is discussed for women who find themselves in physically dangerous situations. Resources and steps to create a safety plan are provided.Wise Counsel and Discernment:
How to discern between wise advice and manipulative counsel, especially in a church setting. The importance of aligning advice with the true character of God, as revealed through Jesus, is highlighted. -
RESOURCESJust Enough Light for the Step I'm On: Trusting God in the Tough Times by Stormie OMartianEmotionally Destructive Marriage by Leslie VernickQuick Start Guide: www.leslievernick.com/startDomestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE)
Reflecting on the Past
Laura talks about her hard memories of the marriage bed and how she took time after leaving her marriage to observe how others interacted in their marriages. She realized that healthy relationships exist and had to rewrite the script in her mind about what is normal and healthy.
Challenging the Spouse
Laura describes how challenging her husband or saying no would lead to either being ignored, receiving a different storyline, or being told she was wrong. She mentions how this would escalate to character assassination, erasing what she thought and wanted, making her feel she had to go along with what he did.
Hitting the Wall
As her kids got older, financial troubles and unstable work for her husband added to the stress. Three occasions in four months where her husband physically hit her were pivotal. After the first incident, she contacted the church, seeking accountability, but it led to no meaningful support. Her husband never acknowledged his actions.
Lack of Support and Apologies
Laura shares how her husband never apologized or acknowledged the abuse, often claiming that incidents never happened or were accidental.
Physical and Emotional Abuse
Laura explains why she did not call the police, mentioning her fear of creating a bigger mess and the belief that any report would lead to someone going to jail. She learned the importance of documentation and how having a case number could have helped her later.
Fear and Control
Laura recounts another incident where her husband shoved her out of bed, leading her to scream for help. She didn't call the police, fearing the consequences. Her husband continued to downplay and dismiss her concerns.
Finding Leslie Vernick
After these incidents, Laura tried one more round of counseling. Seeing her husband act cruelly towards his mother was a turning point. A friend recommended Leslie Vernick's book, which gave her the words to explain her experiences and recognize the patterns of abuse.
Joining Conquer
Laura joined Conquer in 2017. Leslie's teachings and the supportive community were a godsend. She learned about her identity in Christ and how to have healthy relationships, which helped her grow and heal.
Grieving and Healing
Leaving a 32-year marriage involved a grief process for Laura. Time and counseling have been healing. She had to intentionally remember the good times and not vilify her ex. Now, she can pray for him and look forward to advancing God's kingdom in her life.
Moving Forward and Dating Again
After seven years of being divorced, Laura is cautiously open to a new relationship. She approaches it differently, being mindful and keeping other people engaged. She remains true to herself and looks for mutual engagement and respect.
Conclusion
Laura encourages women in similar situations to see their own beauty and courage. She advises focusing on personal health and taking steps towards independence. Empowering oneself and one's children towards Christ and their own identity is crucial.
Encouragement and Next Steps
Laura emphasizes the importance of focusing on individual wellness and taking the next right step. She suggests creating a safety plan and being around supportive people who will speak life into you.
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Resources:
Dr. Henry Cloud’s new book: "Why I Believe" Online platform with courses by Dr. CloudDr. Cloud's book, Necessary EndingsLeslie's Quick Start Guide: Find out if you're in a destructive relationshipIn today's episode, Leslie Vernick sits down with Dr. Henry Cloud, the acclaimed leadership expert, clinical psychologist, and best-selling author known for his influential books "Boundaries" and "Necessary Endings." With over 45 years of experience, Dr. Cloud has helped millions integrate faith and psychology into their lives.
In this enlightening conversation, Leslie and Dr. Cloud discuss his newest book, "Why I Believe," a deeply personal narrative that diverges from his usual clinical and business-focused writings. This book delves into Dr. Cloud’s journey of faith, his childhood experiences, and the profound moments that shaped his spiritual beliefs.
Key Points:
Introduction to Dr. Henry Cloud: Leslie introduces Dr. Cloud, highlighting his significant contributions through his books and his integration of faith and psychology. Dr. Cloud's credentials: best-selling author, leadership expert, and clinical psychologist with over 45 years of experience.
The Motivation Behind "Why I Believe": Dr. Cloud shares the impetus for writing a book about his faith journey at this point in his life. Initial intention to create a small pamphlet for his friends, which evolved into a full-fledged book due to the widespread need among Christians to share their faith.
Dr. Cloud’s Personal Faith Journey: Growing up in a Southern Methodist home with a faith that was real but not front and center. His struggles with depression and a turning point during his college years when he earnestly sought God.
Miraculous Experiences: Dr. Cloud recounts miraculous experiences, including finding a pastor’s house through divine guidance and the profound moment of feeling God’s presence in his car. How these experiences affirmed his belief in God despite not immediately curing his depression.
Intellectual Obstacles and Resolution: Addressing intellectual challenges such as the existence of suffering and the relationship between science and scripture. Dr. Cloud’s deep dive into various scientific fields and his conclusion that there is no conflict between science and the Bible when approached without atheistic presuppositions.
Integration of Psychology and Scripture: Dr. Cloud’s perspective on how psychological science validates biblical teachings. The inclusion of personal miracle stories in his book to illustrate the tangible impact of faith.
The Problem of Evil and Suffering: Leslie and Dr. Cloud address the age-old question: If God is good and real, why does He allow suffering, especially the suffering of innocent people? Dr. Cloud explains that the root cause lies in the concept of free will. God created humans with the freedom to love Him or reject Him, and this freedom extends to all human actions, including harmful ones.
The Nature of Love and Freedom: Love cannot exist without freedom. Just as in human relationships, love must be freely given and received; otherwise, it is not true love. God set boundaries to guide humans, but the freedom to choose remains, leading to both good and evil actions.
God’s Foreknowledge and Plan: While God knew the potential for evil, He also prepared a plan for redemption through Jesus Christ, even before the foundation of the world. The presence of evil and suffering is part of the larger narrative of freedom and redemption.
God’s Presence in Suffering: Dr. Cloud shares a powerful testimony of a man who envisioned Jesus taking his place during a beating from his father, illustrating that Jesus deeply empathizes with our suffering. Jesus’ identification with our pain and His presence in our suffering provides a profound sense of comfort and solidarity.
Addressing Intellectual and Emotional Challenges: Dr. Cloud acknowledges that intellectual answers often fall short of providing emotional satisfaction when it comes to understanding suffering. He emphasizes the importance of trusting in God’s infinite love and wisdom, even when we cannot comprehend His ways fully.
Role of the Church and Community: The importance of the church’s role in standing against abuse and supporting victims. Dr. Cloud critiques the misuse of scripture to justify abusive relationships and encourages victims to seek help from compassionate and understanding leaders.
Empowerment and Responsibility: God has delegated the responsibility to humans to act against evil and support those in need. Encouragement for individuals and communities to step up and make a difference in the lives of those who are suffering.
Encouragement for Victims: Dr. Cloud offers heartfelt advice to victims of abuse, emphasizing the importance of seeking safety and help. He highlights the significance of finding supportive communities and leaders who will stand against abuse and provide the necessary support.
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RESOURCES:Leslie's Quick Start Guide - find out if you're in a destructive marriage
Today, we’re tackling a big question: Is your marriage dead or alive? We’ll break down how to tell if your relationship is thriving, in trouble, or maybe somewhere in between. We’ll talk about what regular upkeep looks like for a healthy marriage and how to handle the heavy-duty repairs when things go south. Whether you’re dealing with minor bumps or major cracks, we’ve got tips and insights to help you figure out the next steps. So, grab a coffee, settle in, and let’s get real about your relationship!
Understanding Marriage Maintenance:
The Importance of Regular Upkeep: Examples of MaintenanceThe Necessity of Repair Work:
Identifying Major IssuesReal-Life Stories and Lessons:
Repair StrategiesThe Role of Accountability and Self-Reflection:
Taking ResponsibilityEffective Repair MeasuresWhen Effort is Lopsided:
Balancing EffortAccepting Reality:
Facing Hard Truths:Healthy Acceptance:Maintaining a marriage requires ongoing effort and understanding the difference between routine maintenance and addressing significant issues. Recognizing when to repair versus maintain and accepting the reality of the situation can lead to healthier outcomes, whether it means rejuvenating the relationship or making a tough decision to move forward separately.
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Resources:Is Your Marriage Destructive? Find out. Get Leslie's Quick Start Guide here!
In this episode, we delve into the often overlooked dynamics of covert abuse within marriages, shedding light on its subtle yet profound impacts. Our guest, Jessica, shares her insights into these hidden behaviors based on her personal journey and observations.
Defining Covert Abuse:
Covert abuse refers to subtle, deceptive behaviors aimed at controlling or manipulating a partner without overt aggression.Jessica describes how these behaviors include gaslighting, passive-aggressive tactics, and manipulation through silence or withdrawal.Impact on Emotional Well-being:
The discussion explores the emotional toll of covert abuse, highlighting feelings of confusion, self-doubt, and isolation.Jessica shares her experience of feeling constantly invalidated and struggling with the blurred lines between love and control.Financial and Decision-Making Control:
Financial abuse, where one partner controls finances to limit independence or enforce compliance, is explored.The impact on decision-making within the household and personal autonomy is discussed, emphasizing the need for financial transparency and equality.Parenting Challenges:
Covertly abusive behaviors can extend into parenting dynamics, affecting roles, responsibilities, and the emotional environment for children.Jessica shares insights into navigating parenting while dealing with a partner's controlling behaviors and its effect on family dynamics.Seeking Support and Healing:
Importance of Community and Therapy:
Jessica emphasizes the role of supportive communities and therapy in recognizing and healing from covert abuse.Finding validation and solidarity with others who understand similar experiences is crucial for emotional recovery.Personal Growth and Empowerment:
The journey towards healing involves reclaiming personal agency and establishing boundaries.Jessica discusses steps she took to prioritize her well-being and regain a sense of self outside the abusive dynamics.Raising Awareness and Taking Action:
The episode concludes with a call to raise awareness about covert abuse, encouraging listeners to recognize the signs and seek help.Jessica shares resources and strategies for anyone experiencing or suspecting covert abuse in their relationships. -
RESOURCES:
Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-SAFE
Are you in an emotionally destructive marriage? Get Leslie's Quick Start Guide HERE.
Listen to this podcast where Alicia tells the story of being married to a sexually abusive pastor.
In this episode, Leslie and Julie explore the challenging issue of marital rape, drawing on personal experiences and insights from biblical teachings. Join them for an honest conversation that sheds light on this sensitive topic with compassion and understanding.
Understanding Marital Rape
Definition and misconceptions.Societal and religious views.Biblical Perspectives
Scriptural interpretations.Cultural biases and implications.Challenging Misconceptions
Myth vs. reality: Marriage and consent.Importance of mutual respect.The Role of Mutual Respect
Biblical teachings on respect and autonomy.Building healthy marital dynamics.Setting Healthy Boundaries
Importance of boundaries in marriage.Safeguarding dignity and respect. -
Resource:Leslie's People Pleasing Course
In this episode, Julie and Leslie explore the connection between trauma and people-pleasing habits. They discuss how past experiences can lead us to prioritize others' approval over our own well-being. Through real-life stories and practical tips, they empower listeners to break free from these patterns, find their voice, and foster more authentic connections.
Why Understanding the Connection is Important
Childhood patterns: Survival mechanisms that may not serve us well in adulthoodImpact of unresolved trauma on adult relationships and well-beingSigns of People-Pleasing Behavior
Difficulty saying no, anxiety when refusing requestsConstantly seeking approval, compromising personal valuesRoots of Negative People-Pleasing Behavior
Relationship trauma: Abuse, neglect, abandonmentResponse mechanisms: Fight, flight, freeze, fawnPersonal Experiences with People-Pleasing
Leslie Vernick's journey: Balancing pleasing others with self-care and valuesSetting Boundaries
Importance of identity and responsibility in setting boundariesPractical examples: Saying no without guilt, prioritizing self-careStrategies for Healing from Past Trauma
Recognizing trauma's impact on decision-making and relationshipsTaking responsibility for personal healing and growthConclusion
Importance of internal healing for breaking the cycle of people-pleasingSteps towards self-awareness, setting boundaries, and healing from trauma -
Resources:
Register here for our UNLIMITED Moving Beyond People Pleasing Drop-In Group Coaching + Video Curriculum
Today, Julie & Leslie are exploring how some of your best qualities and highest Christian virtues can make you a target for toxic individuals. Have you ever wondered why you seem to attract destructive people despite your kind heart and good intentions? This episode will help you understand and transform how you navigate relationships, allowing you to embrace your strengths while safeguarding your heart.
People Pleasing:People pleasers are often generous and eager to make others happy, which can make them susceptible to manipulation. Without the ability to say no, people pleasers may find themselves overextended and exploited. Learn to buy time before committing and practice saying no without guilt.
Loyalty:Loyalty is a noble trait, reflecting a commitment to relationships. However, blind loyalty can lead to staying in harmful relationships with habitual liars or abusers. Pair loyalty with discernment and wisdom to know when to break away from toxic situations.
Forgiveness:Forgiveness is a core Christian virtue, emphasizing grace and mercy. However, endless forgiveness without consequences can enable continued abuse or neglect. Healthy forgiveness includes justice and setting boundaries, ensuring there are consequences for harmful actions.
Forbearance:Forbearance promotes patience and tolerance, important in any relationship. Being passive and ignoring habitual sin or evil can be dangerous. Be intentional about forbearance and confront issues when necessary, following Ephesians 5:11 to expose deeds of darkness.
Kindness:Kindness reflects God's love and compassion. Niceness without boundaries can lead to being used and misused. Be kind but firm, setting limits on unacceptable behavior without compromising your values.
Selflessness:Selflessness mirrors Christ's sacrifice and service. Being overly selfless can lead to losing your identity and becoming an object in the relationship. Steward your life wisely, balancing self-care with serving others, and maintaining your individuality.
Trust:Trust is fundamental to any healthy relationship. Naive trust can lead to betrayal and harm. Trust with discernment, recognizing when someone is not trustworthy and acting accordingly.
As we discuss these virtues, remember that we are currently enrolling for Leslie’s Moving Beyond People Pleasing program. This course is designed to help you apply these principles in your life. Visit leslievernick.com/peoplepleasingcourse to learn more and register.
Final Thoughts:
Embrace your Christian virtues but pair them with wisdom and discernment to protect yourself from toxic individuals.Taking care of yourself is not selfish, it’s stewardship. Prioritize your well-being to better serve others and fulfill your God-given potential.Remember to consider the entire counsel of God, not just isolated verses, to guide your life and relationships.Thank you for joining us today. We hope this conversation helps you navigate your relationships more wisely and embrace your strengths while safeguarding your heart. Until next time, take care and stay true to your values.
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Join Moving Beyond People Pleasing!leslievernick.com/peoplepleasingcourse
In this episode of Relationship Truth: Unfiltered, Julie Sedenko talks with Jill, a woman navigating the complex journey of staying well in a challenging marriage. Jill shares her story of setting boundaries, seeking therapy, and balancing hope with vigilance. Her experiences provide valuable insights for anyone facing similar marital struggles. Tune in to hear Jill's candid account of the ongoing battle to maintain wellness in her relationship.
Introduction to Jill's Story:
Jill's background and the challenges she faced in her marriage.Early signs of an emotionally unhealthy marriage.Navigating Family Influences:
Impact of Jill's mother-in-law on her marriage.Establishing boundaries with extended family.Steps Towards Healing:
Seeking counseling and church community support.Building a business together and navigating financial struggles with faith.Challenges of Staying Well:
The constant effort required to maintain healthy boundaries.Handling emotional triggers and setting consistent limits.The difficulty of not reverting to old patterns of behavior.Balancing hope for improvement with vigilance against setbacks.Navigating emotional health within the family and maintaining stability for her children.Recognizing and addressing codependency and manipulation in relationships.Behavioral Changes in Marriage:
Positive changes in her husband's behavior and their communication patterns.Significance of transparency and trust-building.Final Thoughts and Advice:
Jill’s advice for women in similar situations.Emphasizing the language of behavior and the importance of reflecting on personal responses. -
In this episode Leslie and Julie dive into the complex topic of intent and its role in destructive relationships. They explore the distinction between deeply selfish actions and those stemming from misguided theology, mental or physical illness, or past traumas. The discussion highlights whether intent should influence how we process harm and respond within our marriages, even when unintentional damage occurs.
Key Points:
Intent vs. Impact:
The importance of recognizing that even unintentional actions can cause significant harm.The need for restitution and justice regardless of intent.Forgiveness and Amends:
The balance between forgiveness and the necessity for repair and restitution.Addressing Harm in Marriage:
The importance of acknowledging and addressing the harm caused, even if unintentional.The role of genuine repentance and changed behavior in rebuilding trust.When to Stop Bringing Up Past Hurts:
The necessity of ongoing conversation and understanding the victim's perspective.The difference between genuine repentance and dismissing the victim's feelings.Trust and Safety in Relationships:
The critical role of trust and safety in maintaining a healthy marriage.Examples of irreparable breaches of trust, such as adultery or financial deceit.Mental Illness and Responsibility:
The balance between compassion for mental illness and maintaining personal boundaries.Sacrificial Suffering and Boundaries:
The distinction between noble sacrifices and enabling harmful behavior.The importance of not sacrificing one's well-being to enable another's worst behavior.Recognizing True Change:
Identifying genuine changes in behavior and heart versus superficial compliance.The importance of mutual care and respect in a truly healthy relationship.Listener Takeaways:
Self-Worth and Dignity:
Understanding that a partner's indifference or cruelty is a reflection of their character, not your worth.Embracing your value as an individual and image bearer of God.Living in Reality:
The power of facing the truth about your relationship for making informed decisions.The importance of personal growth and becoming your best self.Resources:
Quick Start Guide: www.leslievernick.com/start - Show more
