Episodes
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The boys say the dreaded hook killer's name five times in front of the mirror to conjure...CANDYMAN. To close out Spooky Season '24, Jacob and Marten dissect what's arguably their favorite Clive Barker adaptation, not to mention one of the scariest films of all time.
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You will not be saved by the Holy Ghost.
You will not be saved by the God Plutonium.
In fact, you will not be saved.
The boys debate whether John Carpenter's '87 anti-God particle exploring weird out is one of his secret masterpieces, while also diving into the enduring influence Nigel Kneale's QUATERMASS XPERIMENT. Stuffy guys contemplating the nature of evil in cramped rooms? What's more cinematic than that?
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Missing episodes?
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Bigfoot's comin' gonna getcha, gonna getcha! Spooky Season continues with a bevy of weird ass Bigfoot movies, including the all-time psycho monster movie transmission NIGHT OF THE DEMON (no, not that one...the other one!). What happens when a gay porn director is allowed to let Sasquatch tear a man's penis off onscreen? Well, somehow even weirded shit than that transpires in this gnarly classic. Let's roll into the woods, y'all.
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We're your boyfriends now, Nancy! To kick off both the start of Season Six and Spooky Season, the boys dive into the filmography of Wes Craven and the last big slasher franchise they haven't covered in depth: A NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET. How does Freddy stack up against the other slasher icons in SH's estimation? Tune in and find out.
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For the final episode of our Summer of Brat(s) mini-series, we cover the films of the Brat Pack's defining nerd: no, not Anthony Michael Hall, but the Duck Man himself, Jon Cryer! Sure, you've seen him star in one of the worst sitcoms ever, but have you seen him in possibly the best teen movie of all time? Let's bring this one home with one of the boys' favorite movies: PRETTY IN PINK (plus HIDING OUT and Penelope Spheeris' DUDES!).
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It's bad boy time! Our Summer of Brat mini-series rolls on to cover the sex tapes and legitimate work of Rob Lowe, one time hot boy and current TV heartthrob. Is he actually a good actor? Let's get down to business with some erotic thrillers, sad boner jam comedies, and a minor Francis Ford Coppola masterwork.
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EMILIOOOOOOOOO! In the second installment of our Brat Pack mini-series, we cover the output of Martin Sheen's favorite son (that's unquestionable these days, right?), beginning with THE BREAKFAST CLUB, stopping by with REPO MAN, and ending on his outlandish directorial effort, WISDOM. Saddle up, Young Guns, we got some killing to do.
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It's Brat Girl Summer!
Well, kind of...
We're in-between seasons here at Secret Handshake, so we decided to do another mini-series, this time focusing on the '80s kids from the Brat Pack. And what better way to kick this run off than with three films starring Andrew McCarthy, the guy who helmed BRATS - the Hulu/NEON documentary that runs down he and his peers' dominance of a decade's pop cinema scene. St. Elmo's Fire! Less Than Zero! Heaven Help Us! Let's fucking gooooooooo!
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We did it Joe! We (finally) made it to the end of Season Five! To celebrate, the boys finally crack open the filmography of Jacob's favorite stylist: Brian De Palma, running down the reasons why his 1984 porno gialli is the Ultimate BDP Picture. Bring the wet wipes, this one gets sticky.
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The boys hitch a ride with Axel Foley to help investigate multiple crimes committed against his best friends, all in celebration of Netflix's legacy sequel, AXEL F. Does one of the great buddy cop comedies still stand the test of time? Let's hit it, partner.
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Staaaaar Waaaaars! Nothin' but Staaaaaar Waaaaars! The boys celebrate the 25th birthday of one of the most divisive movies of all time, then use it as an excuse to get some feelings about the biggest franchise of all time off their chests. Bonus Content: Jacob grills Marten about his weird politics!
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Take a look at our face, we are the future! The boys toss out a quick collection of killer robot cinema, including the greatest entry into the "our substitute teacher is really a killer robot installed by a mercenary contractor to keep gang violence to a minimum" sci-fi/horror subgenre: Mark L. Lester's CLASS OF 1999. Keep your gears greased, this episode gets VERY violent.
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WITNESS US! In celebration of George Miller's epic FURIOSA, the boys travel to the Wasteland and become History Men, chronicling the rise and fall of Max Rockatansky, as well as other legends of a post apocalyptic, guzzoline fueled suicide landscape.
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Apes! Together! Strong! The boys go ape for the entire PLANET OF THE APES saga, covering every entry from the '68 OG to the newest YA installment, KINGDOM OF THE PLANET OF THE APES. You'll never make a monkey out of us!
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Heads up! The boys are back, talking about the haunted multiplex attractions offered by Dark Castle Entertainment during the late '90s/early aughts, slathering some gory love on Jaume Collet-Serra's HOUSE OF WAX redux. Who wants to see Paris Hilton take a pole to the head? We do!
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The second film from sturdy genre workman Stephen Hopkins to enter the SH collection (following the gory glory of PREDATOR 2), Marten gets to wax lyrical about everything from Dennis Leary to bloodthirsty lions to Gene Hackman's addiction to Puerto Rican prostitutes. Don't play yourself and tune in now.
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Because "belated" is our middle name, the boys sit down and discuss the best movies they saw in 2023, which cover everything from Copenhagen Cowboys, Italian race-car magnates, and Leo's teeth. Tune in and zone out.
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It's a new year and the boys are here to protect the hive. In celebration of THE BEEKEEPER, Jason Statham's latest bit of bald badassery, Jacob and Marten dive down a rabbit hole filed with headbutts, foul language, and kung fu to try and figure out what makes Statham one of our essential action stars. It's possible no one survives.
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Feliz Navidad fuckfaces! For the last episode of '23, Jacob and Marten throw one of the sleaziest slashers of all time into the canon: the nasty killer Santa body count opus, SILENT NIGHT, DEADLY NIGHT. Just so you know, you're all NAUGHTY on our list.
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We're back baby! After a (too long) hiatus, the boys sit down with Ridley Scott's long, winding filmography, ultimately ending on BLACK RAIN being their favorite. Oh, and they also check out a little (pun intended) French Emperor named Napoleon while they're at it. Secret Handshake returns!
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