Episodes

  • 00:43:09

    Sex Gets Real 266: Threesomes, men having boundaries, & becoming a sex educator

    Sex Gets Real with Dawn Serra starstarstarstarstar
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    Your pleasure matters.

    Join the July cohort of my 5-week online Power in Pleasure course. Check out details and enroll at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse.

    My chat with Sinclair Sexsmith and rife got postposed, so this week's episode is just me and you.

    First up, I share about three new articles/resources that came across my feed this week. Head to sexgetsreal.com/ep266 for all of the links mentioned in the episode.

    Then, we dive into two important questions from listeners just like you.

    Peter is a cis man who is a virgin. He has been listening to older episodes of the show and was confused by a conversation I had with a Dirty Lola in response to a cis woman who was a virgin asking about boundaries. Peter feels he shouldn't have boundaries if he ever meets someone who is willing to have sex with him in order to actually, well, have sex. Should he have boundaries or not?

    I offer feedback all about the importance of boundaries not only for our own pleasure but as a way to build trust with potential partners and because consent requires us to openly communicate our needs so that others can choose for themselves based on as much information as possible.

    Then, Allison is thinking about becoming a sex educator and wants to know what programs I recommend. Gosh, do I have thoughts!

    Because I get this question all the time, I share my thoughts about how most programs won't really meet anyone's needs if they want to become a sex educator and what I do see as the future of this field and what I think it will take to be a part of where we're going rather than where we've been.

    Patreon supporters, this week you get exclusive access to my hour long and very intimate conversation with Isabel Abbott from Explore More Summit 2019. It's MAGICAL. If you don't yet support the show, even $1 means so much. If you support at $3 per month and above, you get access to weekly exclusive content (and there's a huge backlog at this point!). Support at $5 per month and above and help me field listener questions. Details and bonuses are at patreon.com/sgrpodcast.

    That's it for this week's episode. Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note!

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra:

    What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

    In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

    It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

    Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best

    Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

  • 00:43:27

    Sex Gets Real 265: "Straight pride", breaking relationship agreements, and sexual fantasies

    Sex Gets Real with Dawn Serra starstarstarstarstar
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    Your pleasure matters.

    Join the July cohort of my 5-week online Power in Pleasure course. Check out details and enroll at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse.

    This week's episode is just me and you.

    First, I get on a soapbox about the bullshit that is "straight pride" and how it's really just like white pride and men's rights activists. We've got to call this stuff out and do better.

    Listener Rick wrote in to share some changes he's experienced in pleasure since really listening to his wife. AMAZING!

    Next up, Confused Cookie has a problem. The love of her life keeps breaking their agreements and lying to her. This is not what ethical non-monogamy or polyamory are about, folks. If someone is breaking agreements, hiding things, and lying, that's unethical regardless of the dynamic. CC deserves so much better and I have suggestions for what to do next (*cough* leave him *cough*).

    Chuch has been having this new, bizarre sexual energy with a person in his life that isn't lustful, but definitely exciting. What is it and what are my thoughts, he wants to know?

    Will is 74 years old and he's started posing as a 20-something lesbian in an online golf game he's been playing. It's just for fun, but he isn't sure if he should tell his wife or not.

    Finally, @homebodytherapy on Instagram shared a powerful post about diet culture and our body's response to restriction. It ties so heavily to why so many of us struggle with pleasure. Let's explore it a bit.

    Patreon supporters, this week we're talking about sex abuse inside of marriage and committed relationships based on a Vox piece that recently resurfaced. If you don't yet support the show, every $1 means so much. If you support at $3 per month and above, you get access to weekly exclusive content (and there's a huge backlog at this point!). Support at $5 per month and above and help me field listener questions. Details and bonuses are at patreon.com/sgrpodcast.

    That's it for this week's episode. Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note!

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra:

    What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

    In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

    It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

    Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best

    Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

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  • 00:56:28

    Sex Gets Real 264: Getting a partner to dirty talk, crossdressing, and accountability updates

    Sex Gets Real with Dawn Serra starstarstarstarstar
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    Your pleasure matters.

    Join the July cohort of my 5-week online Power in Pleasure course. Check out details and enroll at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse.

    This week's episode is just me and you.

    First up, some updates from the survivor pod around Franklin Veaux and hearing from more of the women. Definitely check out polyamory-metoo.com and Aida Manduley's twitter thread for some good stuff. You can also check out the Reddit thread with the comments I read here.

    Centering the stories and experiences of the women Franklin harmed is the most important thing, so if you do check out the updates from Franklin's folks, just remember that so far none of their updates have been from folks who understand trauma-informed work or alternative justice processes. They're actually quite harmful.

    Patreon supporters, this week I'm watching the new Vex Ashley and Four Chambered Heart erotic film and narrating what I see. It's fun and silly and by request. If you don't yet support the show, every $1 means so much. If you support at $3 per month and above, you get access to weekly exclusive content (and there's a huge backlog at this point!). Suppor at $5 per month and above and help me field listener questions. Details and bonuses are at patreon.com/sgrpodcast.

    If you want to check out the article on incels and plastic surgery, I mentioned. You can check that out on The Cut.

    Now on to your questions!

    Alyssa wrote in because her fiancé won't talk during sex, but Alyssa thinks talking during sex would be super hot. How can she encourage him to talk more?

    Talking during sex can be super hot and super fun, and it can also make pleasure really difficult for some folks. Let's explore that dance of needs together.

    Fabulously Fem emailed me asking to hear more about cross dressing on the show and if I think dolls are ethical.

    I promise to have a crossdressing expert join us soon, but in the meantime you might want to check out Kink Academy's awesome videos on crossdressing for those who are interested.

    That's it for this week's episode. Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note!

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra:

    What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

    In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

    It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

  • 01:16:25

    Sex Gets Real 263: Aida Manduley on accountability and transformative justice

    Sex Gets Real with Dawn Serra starstarstarstarstar
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    Want to work with me?

    Join the July cohort of the Power in Pleasure course. Check out details and pre-enroll at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse. My coaching practice has a few new spots available. If you could use support around the places where you feel most stuck, I'd love to support you. Details about my coaching practice are here: dawnserra.com/work-with-me . In a Sex Gets Real first, this episode is Part Three of a THREE part series featuring Eve Rickert, Samantha Manewitz, and Aida Manduley.

    This episode is my conversation with therapist Aida Manduley. In it, we are building on the previous two episodes which included a conversation with Eve Rickert and Samantha Manewitz as we explore emotional abuse, accountability, and different ways of being in community with each other.

    Aida has been a part of several transformative justice processes and has tremendous perspective around how we can center those harmed without throwing out those who caused the harm. We also talk about how white supremacy impacts the ways we show up in life, the false promises made to cis men, and why grief work is crucial to alternative justice practices and accountability.

    We dive into why communities are where we should start when we're considering how harm happened in the first place and why we all need to adjust our expectations for how long these processes take. It's not a superhero movie where everything is resolved with one fell swoop.

    I cannot wait for you to hear this awesome conversation, and as noted in the other episodes, your financial help for the survivor pod would mean so much. Resources mentioned in this episode include:

    Initial statement on February 11th Update on March 25th Tracking spreadsheet where you can find most of the documents, updates, and conversations happening Survivor pod PayPal where you can donate some money (PLEASE DO THIS) to support the process

    If you've been accused of consent violations or harm, this piece by Tamara Pincus is a good place to start.

    Patreon supporters - head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast to hear my bonus chat with Aida Manduley on what helps and what hinders accountability processes. If you aren't a supporter, I'd love your financial support to help keep the show going. If you pledge $3 per month, you get access to exclusive weekly bonus content and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me field listener questions.

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Aida Manduley:

    Aida Manduley is an award-winning Latinx activist, international presenter, and trauma-focused clinician known for big earrings and building bridges. Trained as a sexuality educator, social worker, and nonprofit management professional, they’re* working to make the word a more equitable place through education, therapy, and community organizing. Their perspective centers intersectionality and maximizing kindness, while retaining both a sense of humor and a sense of justice. From The New York Times to The Rainbow Times, Mx. Manduley has been interviewed by a variety of media outlets. They were even brought on for a debate on the Laura Ingraham show—a popular conservative radio program—and lived to tell the tale.

    You can follow them on Twitter (@neuronbomb) or Instagram (@aidamanduley), like their page on Facebook, sign up for their newsletter (debuting September 2018), stay tuned to what books they’re nerding out with, and/or get more information about their professional accomplishments via LinkedIn.

    Grab the episode transcript at http://sexgetsreal.com/ep263
  • 01:08:10

    Sex Gets Real 262: Samantha Manewitz on emotional abuse and gaslighting

    Sex Gets Real with Dawn Serra starstarstarstarstar
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    Want to work with me?

    Join the July cohort of the Power in Pleasure course. Check out details and pre-enroll at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse. In a Sex Gets Real first, this episode is Part Two of a THREE part series featuring Eve Rickert, Samantha Manewitz, and Aida Manduley.

    This episode is my conversation with therapist Samantha Manewitz. We build on the conversation I had with Eve Rickert in Episode 261, exploring emotional abuse and gaslighting in relationships.

    One of the things Samantha stresses in this conversation is how normalized gaslighting is in the world right now. We have the highest levels of power (the US President) gaslighting an entire nation, and none of us are immune.

    We also explore some things that help reveal behaviors that might lead to emotional abuse and what one word can change the way we enter into relationships.

    This is an important and powerful conversation about how subtle emotional abuse can be, and how to look out for DARVO which is how emotional abusers position themselves as the victim.

    The survivor pod resources mentioned in this episode include:

    Initial statement on February 11th Update on March 25th Tracking spreadsheet where you can find most of the documents, updates, and conversations happening Survivor pod PayPal where you can donate some money (PLEASE DO THIS) to support the process

    If you've been accused of consent violations or harm, this piece by Tamara Pincus is a good place to start.

    Patreon supporters - head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast to grab your bonus content this week which includes a little PDF of the questions Samantha offered around helping to figure out if we're being gaslit, plus a few bonus minutes of our conversation AND an embodiment exercise that can help us arrive in the body in a gentle way. If you aren't a supporter, I'd love your financial support to help keep the show going. If you pledge $3 per month, you get access to exclusive weekly bonus content and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me field listener questions.

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Samantha Manewitz:

    Samantha Manewitz, LICSW CST, is an educator and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist. She has trained mental health professionals, sex educators, and alt-sex communities on healthy communication, abuse prevention, and mental health in BDSM. Samantha was a featured presenter at multiple conferences, including CatalystCon West, American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT), Community-Academic Consortium for Research on Alternative Sexualities, and the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit.

    Among her therapeutic specialties are trauma (complex PTSD), sex therapy, couples therapy (level 2 Gottman trained), and gender affirming care for transgender/non binary clients. Samantha is also on the faculty of the Institute for Sexuality Education and Enlightenment, where she has presented on sexual coercion and psychotherapy with kinky clients.

    Stay in touch with Samantha at beyondsafewords.com.

    Hearing from you is the best

    Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

  • 01:22:34

    Sex Gets Real 261: Eve Rickert on speaking out, celebrity culture, & harm

    Sex Gets Real with Dawn Serra starstarstarstarstar
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    Want to work with me?

    Join the July cohort of the Power in Pleasure course. Check out details and pre-enroll at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse. My coaching practice has a few new spots available. If you could use support around the places where you feel most stuck, I'd love to support you. Details about my coaching practice are here: dawnserra.com/work-with-me . In a Sex Gets Real first, this episode is Part One of a THREE part series featuring Eve Rickert, Samantha Manewitz, and Aida Manduley.

    This episode is my conversation with Eve Rickert. In it, Eve shares her experience of being in a relationship with Franklin Veaux for five and a half years. She talks about what it was like in the beginning and what happened over the course of time.

    A part of she shares reveals what it's like to be on the receiving end of gaslighting and emotional abuse: the questioning of self, the isolation, thinking that you're actually crazy. Eve shares about how difficult it was to begin untangling herself from the confusion of it all and what happened when she started speaking with other women Franklin had been in relationship with.

    We explore and question who gets to tell the stories, who gets to have the redemption arc, and how we (collectively) are so terrible at asking about the people who were a part of that person's redemption, how we ignore or invisibilize their voices and experiences.

    We also talk about how being someone who caused harm doesn't make you a bad person or a disposable person, and being a survivor of harm doesn't mean you didn't also cause harm. We desperately need more nuanced and messy understandings of relationship dynamics and behaviors, to move away from the good vs evil, pure vs villain narratives that force us into black-and-white categories. This also contributes to victim blaming and the "good survivor" story that so many survivors feel boxed in by.

    Eve also speaks about being witnessed at Southwest Poly Love Fest and how important that was for her, but how it also made her question why she got to be witnessed in that way and some of the other people impacted by abuse don't get that gift.

    In the end, this conversation is really about examining problematic behaviors and the harm they can cause, engaging in accountability processes that are outside of our criminal "justice" system, and what we need to start asking ourselves about how we're doing relationship.

    The survivor pod resources mentioned in this episode include:

    Initial statement on February 11th Update on March 25th Tracking spreadsheet where you can find most of the documents, updates, and conversations happening Survivor pod PayPal where you can donate some money (PLEASE DO THIS) to support the process

    If you've been accused of consent violations or harm, this piece by Tamara Pincus is a good place to start.

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Eve Rickert:

    Eve Rickert is the co-author of the books More Than Two: A Practical Guide to Ethical Polyamory and Black Iron, and the co-founder and publisher of Thorntree Press.

    Support Eve's fundraiser for suicide prevention here.

    Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best

    Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

  • 00:50:53

    Sex Gets Real 260: Play party etiquette, bra and panty fetish, and cutting of family after abuse

    Sex Gets Real with Dawn Serra starstarstarstarstar
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    WHOA! Birth control without a trip to the doctor? YES!!!!

    Simple Health is generously sponsoring this episode and YOU can get a free prescription for birth control without every leaving your home. That's right, Simple Health has made birth control easier and cheaper than ever. You fill out an online questionnaire about your health, body, insurance, and preferences. They have a doctor review your information and make a recommendation for contraception. Then, they issue a prescription and Simple Health MAILS IT TO YOU at regular intervals, without you ever having to go anywhere or remember anything. If you have insurance, using Simple Health is often totally free. If you don't have insurance, you can get birth control pills for starting around $15 per month. And...Sex Gets Real listeners, YOU CAN GET YOUR PRESCRIPTION FEE WAIVED! Head to simplehealth.com/sgr or enter code SGR at check-out and the $20 prescription fee will be waived. Birth control has never been so easy.

    More of your questions have poured in, so that's what we're doing today.

    But first, if you'd like to join the July cohort of the Power in Pleasure course, check out details and pre-enroll at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse.

    You can also check out coaching at dawnserra.com/work-with-me - I have a few new spots opened up for new clients and I'd love to support you.

    First up, Not Asking For It wrote in about play party etiquette. At a recent play party, NAFI wasn't really into anyone there, but two women were following her around and she had to keep dodging their advances. As she left, one of the women hugged her, but then held on to her and kissed NAFI without consent. How can you set boundaries at a play party that aren't shaming or mean?

    I explore play party etiquette and how different organizers will have very different rules and values for their parties. We also need to talk about how assertiveness is in no way mean or shaming, and part of the work we have to do - especially women and non-binary/agender folks - is that being assertive is a big part of how we can navigate these spaces more safely.

    What comes up for you when someone says "You're making me uncomfortable" or "You're standing too close to me". If those statements make you uncomfortable, that's work YOU need to do around why someone taking care of themselves feels shameful or like an attack.

    I also recommend Cristien Storm's book "Living in Liberation" which is my favorite resource for learning about communicating boundaries, plus Jaclyn Friedman's "What You Really Really Want", Soraya Chemaly's "Rage Becomes Her", and "The Assertiveness Workbook". Please support your local independent bookstore, but if you want an Amazon link, those links are my affiliate link. If you need help being more assertive and you're a woman, gender non-conforming/agender, check out Marcia Baczynski's Good Girl Recovery program, too.

    Next up, AP has a bra and panty fetish. They look at pictures of plus sized bodies in bra and panties every day. Is that weird? And where do fetishes come from anyway? Is an early childhood experience AP had of getting caught trying on some bra and panties where it all started?

    Let's talk about our brains and where fetishes come from, plus why fetishes are totally normal, and how we can more ethically engage with our desires to that they feel spacious AND values-aligned.

    Someone wrote to me on Facebook asking about gay women and puppy play. In addition to contacting Ruby, the Black Sex Geek, in Dallas, Princess Kali also said all of the puppy play videos on KinkAcademy.com are by women. Plus, Fetlife!

    Finally, Paralyzed wrote in because while her father has always been a dud - creepy, uninvolved, sexually commenting on her body, she recently unearthed a memory of him sexually abusing her. But her family doesn't really think he's that bad and they think she's being dramatic in wanting to cut off ties. How can Paralyzed cut off communication with her father AND navigate the family dynamics with her mom and siblings?

    I highly recommend checking out generationfive.org, especially their resources, as well as Staci Haines' "Healing Sex". Finding support groups for survivors of childhood sexual abuse is so important as we navigate spaces like this. Community, friends, and therapists are all an important part of feeling supported, especially when part of our healing may mean disrupting our relationship with our family.

    We deserve to be believed. We deserve to be supported. We do not owe our family our time, access to our body, or any explanations about what we need to do in order to take of ourselves - even if that's really difficult to do.

    Want to support the show and get rad bonuses? If you support the show on Patreon at $3 per month, you get exclusive weekly bonus content you can't find anywhere else. If you support at $5 per month you get the weekly bonus content AND a chance to help me answer listener questions. Check it out at patreon.com/sgrpodcast.

    The bonus this week is a worksheet about safety in our lives and how we can bring in more safety and less tolerating in order to make space for more pleasure.

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra:

    What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

    In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

    It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

    Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best

    Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

  • 00:43:43

    Sex Gets Real 259: Accountability, women and older partners, & only wanting solo sex even when you're married

    Sex Gets Real with Dawn Serra starstarstarstarstar
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    WHOA! Easy & cheap birth control? YES!!!!

    Simple Health is generously sponsoring this episode and YOU can get a free prescription for birth control without every leaving your home. That's right, Simple Health has made birth control easier and cheaper than ever. You fill out an online questionnaire about your health, body, insurance, and preferences. They have a doctor review your information and make a recommendation for contraception. Then, they issue a prescription and Simple Health MAILS IT TO YOU at regular intervals, without you ever having to go anywhere or remember anything. If you have insurance, using Simple Health is often totally free. If you don't have insurance, you can get birth control pills for starting around $15 per month. And...Sex Gets Real listeners, YOU CAN GET YOUR PRESCRIPTION FEE WAIVED! Head to simplehealth.com/sgr or enter code SGR at check-out and the $20 prescription fee will be waived. Birth control has never been so easy.

    So, let's dive into this week's episode.

    First up, I have some openings in my coaching practice. If you'd like to work with me around your body, your relationship to sex and desire, or get some couples support, head to dawnserra.com or fill out my intake questionnaire and we can have a quick chat to see if this might be a good fit for you. I'd love to support you.

    Yesterday, Mia Mingus shared some really thought-provoking questions about accountability. What if we cherished and ran towards accountability? What if accountability was about love, connection, and feeling into new depths of ourselves instead of about punishment? Let's explore that a little bit.

    I also got a short listener question asking about women who are into older partners. WHOA. I had a lot to say about this that I didn't realize was swirling around inside of me.

    So, let's talk about power, about preferences, and about the ways we are groomed to value younger women and older men. Plus, Patreon supporter Katie weighs in with her thoughts, as well.

    Then I field a question from Danny.

    You see, Danny is married but he doesn't want to have sex with his wife. He just wants to masturbate. Is that weird? Is it wrong? What's up?

    Solo sex is amazing. Talk about a skilled lover who can read your mind! And yes, solo sex, or masturbation, are REAL, FULL sex. But what about Danny's wife, who doesn't love his affinity for masturbating over having sex with her?

    Want to support the show and get rad bonuses? If you support the show on Patreon at $3 per month, you get exclusive weekly bonus content you can't find anywhere else. If you support at $5 per month you get the weekly bonus content AND a chance to help me answer listener questions. Check it out at patreon.com/sgrpodcast.

    The bonus this week is all about pleasure. I've got some JUICY questions for you to explore that will help you consider your relationship with pleasure.

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra:

    What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

    In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

    It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

    Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best

    Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

  • 00:43:06

    Sex Gets Real 258: Healing from emotional abuse, a partner who doesn't want intercourse, & swinging

    Sex Gets Real with Dawn Serra starstarstarstarstar
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    It's time to deepen your relationship with pleasure.

    Check out my new pleasure course which is enrolling now through April 29, 2019 (we'll enroll again in June!). It's called Power in Pleasure: Reconnecting with Your Hunger, Desire, and Joy and runs for five weeks online. I'd love to see you there.

    NEW: Transcript available at sexgetsreal.com/ep258

    First, I apologize that this episode is so late. Between traveling, funerals, and getting caught up, it took a few extra days to get this uploaded and out to you.

    This week, it's your questions!

    We start with an email from Violet. She was in a relationship that was committed and kinky that turned emotionally abusive. She is working with a therapist to heal, but she's worried about getting back into the kink scene and about healing from the abuse.

    What can she do to take care of herself and to stay open to honoring her kinkiness?

    Then Ross sent a short email asking why his girlfriend used to have intercourse with him but now only wants to do hand sex and oral sex. Why the change?

    We'll explore the possibility of pain during intercourse, mediocre intercourse, and why folks who have a vulva often experience more pleasure from non-intercourse sexual activities. Plus, it sounds like Ross and his girlfriend are still having all kinds of awesome sex, even if intercourse isn't happening these days, so how can that be something to celebrate?

    And finally, Michael and his wife are thinking about trying swinging. What books should they read and how can they get started?

    I point them to all things Cooper Beckett and Life on the Swingset, including their Desire Resort swinging retreat they do every year.

    Want to support the show and get rad bonuses? If you support the show on Patreon at $3 per month, you get exclusive weekly bonus content you can't find anywhere else. If you support at $5 per month you get the weekly bonus content AND a chance to help me answer listener questions. Check it out at patreon.com/sgrpodcast.

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra:

    What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

    In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

    It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

    Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best

    Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

  • 00:41:15

    Sex Gets Real 257: Bratty submissives, being cheated on, & creative sex

    Sex Gets Real with Dawn Serra starstarstarstarstar
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    Is your relationship with pleasure complicated?

    Check out my new pleasure course which is enrolling now through April 29, 2019 (we'll enroll again in June!). It's called Power in Pleasure: Reconnecting with Your Hunger, Desire, and Joy and runs for five weeks online. I'd love to see you there.

    On with the show!

    Anonymous shares how exploring and communicating with a partner can help open new possibilities to feeding your life and your relationship.

    Miss Submissive is hiring a professional Dominatrix and she would love some help learning how to be a bratty sub. Are there any resources for how to get started both as a submissive and as a brat?

    Some of the resources I share include Kink Academy's Brat series, "Submissive Fantasy vs Submissive Reality" as well as "Creating a Submissive Training Plan for Yourself" on Sugarbutch.net, plus Sinclair Sexsmith's Submissive Playground online course, Feisty Fox Films has this great post "In Defense of Brats", and Evie Lupine is a YouTuber who featured Brittany Simon on a video all about brats (and Evie has other videos on submission that might be worth a watch).

    B wrote in because she's in love with her ex boyfriend and he claims to be in love with her, but while they were together he cheated on her by sleeping with his best friend. B feels devastated and doesn't know what to do.

    I dive into trust, betrayal, the importance of friends, and why mental illness is never an excuse for treating someone badly.

    Plus, I ask folks to work to be mature enough to understand the level of devastation they can cause by betraying a loved one BEFORE doing something that hurts a loved one. No one should have to see the horror in a loved one's eyes to understand the impact of their own actions.

    Want to support the show and get rad bonuses? If you support the show on Patreon at $3 per month, you get exclusive weekly bonus content you can't find anywhere else. If you support at $5 per month you get the weekly bonus content AND a chance to help me answer listener questions. Check out this week's bonus where I read some SEXY EROTICA and support the show by heading to patreon.com/sgrpodcast.

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra:

    What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

    In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

    It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

    Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best

    Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

  • 00:54:51

    Sex Gets Real 256: M'kali-Hashiki on the erotic, safety, and healing

    Sex Gets Real with Dawn Serra starstarstarstarstar
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    Is your relationship with pleasure complicated?

    Check out my new pleasure course which is enrolling now through April 22, 2019 (we'll enroll again in June!). It's called Power in Pleasure: Reconnecting with Your Hunger, Desire, and Joy and runs for five weeks online. I'd love to see you there. M'kali-Hashiki is here! Let's talk about erotic healing and more.

    M'kali-Hashiki works with people's erotic wounds and erotic breathwork. She has such wisdom and experience in exploring the erotic and also being with our bodies in meaningful ways.

    Our conversation explores the ways we touch our genitals, the ways we become erotically wounded, what presence and breathwork can offer us in reconnecting with our pleasure and erotic sources.

    We also dive deep into the concept of safety and why safety isn't available to everyone. When we begin to examine the ways we have to armor ourselves to move through our lives, especially if we experience marginalization by the state, we start to see the ways safety may not be available to us, even in our most intimate relationships.

    This is a rich, yummy discussion that I can't wait for you to hear.

    Want to hear my bonus chat with M'kali-Hashiki about life-affirming, body-affirming, emotion-affirming sex? Pop over to Patreon! Folks who support the show at $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly content that you can't find anywhere else. Hear it and all the other bonuses at patreon.com/sgrpodcast

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About M'kali-Hashiki:

    M’kali-Hashiki is a Renegade Sexual Mystic; A Tour Guide to the realm of Eros; & a Teacher of Somatic Erotic Possibilities. She holds certifications in Sexological Bodywork; Sound, Voice, & Music Healing; and Tantric Sacred Intimacy. A published essayist; a former professional social justice organizer; and an Ifa devoteé, she believes the sexual & the spiritual are irrevocably intertwined. Her politics, spirituality, and lived experience as a queer, feminist, polyamourous, middle-aged, fat, kinky, Black Femme Dyke trauma survivor inform all aspects of her work.

    She is the author of the popular ebook "Turn Your Junk Into Treasure: Five Steps To Deepening Your Relationship With Your Nethers". She offers both individual sessions & transformational group journeys helping QTIPOC & allied folk access their erotic energy for radical transformation fuel. She also offers Enstatic Breathwork™ For Collaboration & Employee Wellness to companies & social justice non-profits.

    Stay in touch with M'kali-Hashiki at fiercepassions.com, and on Facebook and Instagram.

    Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best

    Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

  • 01:02:58

    Sex Gets Real 255: Can you ask your partner to not watch porn and when a cheater gets cheated on

    Sex Gets Real with Dawn Serra starstarstarstarstar
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    Is your relationship with pleasure complicated?

    Check out my new pleasure course which is enrolling now through April 22, 2019 (we'll enroll again in June!). It's called Power in Pleasure: Reconnecting with Your Hunger, Desire, and Joy and runs for five weeks online. I'd love to see you there.

    On with the show!

    I received a doozy of an email recently all about a partner who watches porn and the damage that's caused to their relationship.

    The story of their relationship is long, complicated, and full of problematic behaviors, so this week, I spend a large portion of the episode slowly breaking down the email and what it looks like when we try to control our partner's behavior.

    We'll explore:

    Why snooping and looking at a partner's phone and emails never OK What to do when a partner comments on our bodies and tells us to make them look a certain way What to do when we are doing things we don't want to do sexually for a partner without receiving anything in return Why asking a partner to stop watching porn actually causes more harm in the long-run Why the science doesn't support sex "addiction", porn "addiction", or food "addiction" and who is profitting off of us thinking otherwise Unhealthy relationship dynamics And why we NEED to start our relationships with our values and dealbreakers so that people can enthusiastically opt-in rather than being forced to opt-out later

    Plus, a sad and confused email from Heart Broke Sex Freak. He cheated on his wife and left his marriage to be with the woman he cheated with only to have the new partner cheat on him. He feels lost and scared and like karma came for him.

    Can a relationship survive cheating? What's on the other side of infidelity?

    We've got some BIG questions this week, so tune in and see what you think.

    Want to support the show and get rad bonuses? If you support the show on Patreon at $3 per month, you get exclusive weekly bonus content you can't find anywhere else. If you support at $5 per month you get the weekly bonus content AND a chance to help me answer listener questions. Check out this week's bonus and support the show by heading to patreon.com/sgrpodcast.

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra:

    What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

    In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

    It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

    Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best

    Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

  • 00:56:32

    Sex Gets Real 254: Taking responsibility in relationship, living with an ex, and healthy relationship behaviors

    Sex Gets Real with Dawn Serra starstarstarstarstar
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    NOW ENROLLING!

    Check out my new pleasure course which is enrolling now through April 22, 2019 (we'll enroll again in June!). It's called Power in Pleasure: Reconnecting with Your Hunger, Desire, and Joy and runs for five weeks online. I'd love to see you there.

    On with the show!

    First up, Graeme Seabrook's latest blog post popped up in my feed a few times this week and caught my eye. It's titled, "Stop Grading Your Husband On A Curve" and spoke so deeply to so many of the questions I receive and the coaching that I do. Check it out, for sure.

    What would it look like to have everyone in a relationship show up and take 100% responsibility for the household, the chores, the management of scheduled? What would it mean if the women and femmes of the world weren't the ones who managed grocery shopping, meal prep, appointment setting, friend dates, and everything else that contributes to overwhelm and burnout? It's a big question that will require a lot of changes for many of us if we truly want equitable partnerships.

    That article paired perfectly with an older article that a marriage therapist I adore re-shared this week called, "9 Habits Of People In the Healthiest Relationships" and I want more of us to have more humor, transparency, positive regard, and connection in our lives, so let's chew on these a little and see what might need attention in our lives.

    If 69% of our disagreements in relationship are unresolvable, how do we continue to turn towards each other with humor and generosity, knowing that's true? How do we make time for each other, without distraction, when life gets busy? These are the kinds of questions I want more of us to sit in and grapple with. It would ease so much relationship distress for us all if we did.

    I'm also fielding two listener questions this week.

    First up, DNA has been with his wife for 17 years. They have an 11-year-old son. They recently decided to get divorced, but because they live in a really expensive area, they've decided to co-habitate as they co-parent. But DNA is having trouble moving on. He feels resentful that he's trapped, he can't deepen his relationship with the new person he's dating, and their families don't even know about the divorce because they're trying to protect their son. What can he do?

    Finally, Alice Joy wrote in because their partner is really dominant. So dominant, that they won't allow Alice Joy to touch them or to really receive pleasure. AJ isn't sure if it's because their partner doesn't want it or if it's because they aren't sure what they want, but it's impact AJ's confidence because what if it's them and how they do things? What can AJ do?

    This week on Patreon for folks who support at $3 per month and above, we're talking about sexual rituals and I'm answering a question from fellow Patreon supporter Just Fat about not being able to trust that her partner really wants her since she's in a fat body. Your support matters SOO much. If you support at $3 per month and above, you get weekly bonus content that doesn't exist anywhere else. Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast and support the show or to tune into your bonus content.

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra:

    What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

    In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

    It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

    Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best

    Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

  • 01:00:25

    Sex Gets Real 253: Wanting to stop squirting, condom complaints, & finding feminist community

    Sex Gets Real with Dawn Serra starstarstarstarstar
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    NOW ENROLLING!

    Check out my new pleasure course which is enrolling now through April 22, 2019 (we'll enroll again in June!). It's called Power in Pleasure: Reconnecting with Your Hunger, Desire, and Joy and runs for five weeks online. I'd love to see you there.

    On to your emails!

    Adam wrote back after hearing his email on the show with an emotional thank you.

    Beginning Gusher and Waterboarding Victim both wrote in with the same question from opposite perspectives. How can you prevent squirting?

    I share some thoughts and advice from other sex educators before weighing in with my thoughts. Essentially, our bodies are going to do what our bodies are going to do, and instead of stopping something natural from happening, a better question is what ELSE can someone do that feels pleasurable and connecting that might not lead to squirting if it must be avoided.

    Naive Nancy has a question about condoms. Her boyfriend claims that he can't wear condoms because he's circumcised. Is she being naive? Her friends think so, but they're also having all sorts of other kinds of sex that works for them. Is it a big deal?

    Maybe. Maybe not. Because male entitlement to pleasure is the gold standard right now, many dudes have internalized this sense of "I don't want to so I won't" when it comes to condoms. That said, all bodies are different, and one person's experience may be different than another's. Practicing with condoms during masturbation, trying differing amounts of lube on the inside of the condom, and eroticizing condoms can all help.

    But, bottom line, as long as he's respecting Nancy's boundaries, he can have whatever experience he has and it doesn't have to be about anything more.

    Nic wrote in about being someone who was emotionally and sexually abused. How can Nic find feminist community? Where can Nic find folks who AREN'T invested in misogyny and sexism? Let's talk about finding community and the ways we survive.

    Among the things discussed, I mention Laura van Dernoot Lipsky's books "Trauma Stewardship" and "The Age of Overwhelm", "Healing Sex" by Staci Haines, as well as "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel van der Kolk and Peter Levine's books.

    Want to support the show? EVERY DOLLAR MATTERS SO MUCH. The best part is if you support at $3 per month and above, you get weekly bonus content that doesn't exist anywhere else. This week we're talking self-care and fantasizing about your girlfriend's mom and aunt. Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast and support the show or to tune into your bonus content.

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra:

    What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

    In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

    It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

    Hearing from you is the best

    Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

  • 01:13:12

    Sex Gets Real 252: A fiance who expects threesomes, anger management, & later-in-life first-time sex

    Sex Gets Real with Dawn Serra starstarstarstarstar
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    NOW ENROLLING!

    Check out my new pleasure course which is enrolling now through April 22, 2019 (we'll enroll again in June!). It's called Power in Pleasure: Reconnecting with Your Hunger, Desire, and Joy and runs for five weeks online. I'd love to see you there.

    On to your emails!

    Kim wrote in with a sweet note about hearing a trauma story on episode 246 and how much it reminded her that she's not alone in her healing and trauma. Thanks for the support, Kim!

    Katie has a request. As someone who is a sex researcher and who does a lot of work around sex, the thing that shocks people the most is that she didn't have intercourse for the first time until she was 30. She'd love to hear more conversations about people who don't have sex until later in life and the benefits and struggles that presents.

    I have so many thoughts which include not only the importance of talking about this, but also how it ties to sex work and a sexually equitable future.

    Future Mrs. is three months from getting married but she's never been less sure about whether this is what she wants. Her fiancé wants her to have threesomes with other women, and even though she's tried, she just doesn't want. But he keeps bringing it up and it's led to arguments and a lot of conflict. What can she do?

    Let's talk about what it looks like to respect someone's boundaries, to have the maturity to hold that our desires will be bigger than our lives can hold, and why expectations are the enemy of connection and trust.

    Finally, Distraught has had a few angry outbursts recently that have been rather abusive towards their boyfriend, and while their boyfriend does have some boundary work to do to care for themselves around it, Distraught is hoping for resources to help with anger management amid a chronic illness, changing career, and shrinking financial security. Help!

    My recommendations include Karla McLaren's Gift of Anger post and her other anger post, as well as Soraya Chemaly's "Rage Becomes Her", Rebecca Traister's "Good and Mad", and Brittany Cooper's "Eloquent Rage". It might also be helpful for Distraught to check out Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha's "Care Work" and this crip lit round up on Autostraddle around the grief and realities of a body changed by chronic illness.

    I also cannot recommend Cristien Storm's boundary book, "Living in Liberation" highly enough to everyone everywhere.

    (All of the books are linked to Amazon with my affiliate link. Check with your local, independent bookstores first, if you can!)

    Want to support the show? EVERY DOLLAR MATTERS SO MUCH. The best part is if you support at $3 per month and above, you get weekly bonus content that doesn't exist anywhere else. This week we're talking spiritual bypassing and I'm fielding a question on invisible and emotional labor that women often do. Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast and support the show or to tune into your bonus content.

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra:

    What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

    In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

    It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

    Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best

    Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

  • 01:01:47

    Sex Gets Real 251: Sex positive parenting, hiring escorts in a sexless marriage plus Shine Louise Houston

    Sex Gets Real with Dawn Serra starstarstarstarstar
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    Two important things before we get started:

    Register for Explore More Summit, my free online conference! It starts February 25th, 2019 and the theme this year is PLEASURE. You do NOT want to miss it. Check it out here at exploremoresummit.com. Support Shine Louise Houston's crowdfunding campaign for her new erotic film, Chemistry Eases the Pain. Details are here.

    On to your emails!

    First up, CuriousMom was raised with a lot of sexual shame and body shame. As a mom of two daughters, she is doing her best to raise them in a sex positive way (and it sounds like she's doing a GREAT job), but she doesn't know what she doesn't know. Where can she find resources and support on raising kids in a sex positive home?

    I cannot recommend my chat with Melissa Carnagey from Sex Positive Families highly enough. It's at this year's Explore More Summit on the VERY FIRST DAY, so get on that. Also, Sex Positive Families is a MUST for all folks with kids in their lives. Check out their recommending reading list, too. It's for kids and adults.

    Also check out Nadine Thornhill, Cory Silverberg's books "What Makes a Baby?" and "Sex is a Funny Word", and once your kids are teens, they MUST know about Scarleteen.

    Next up, E wrote in with a sweet note about the ways the show has changed. I am so grateful for all of you!!!

    Then, Unimportant wrote in because they feel neglected by my lack of an email response. Let's talk about the realities of what happens on my end and why every single email is so treasured even if you don't hear back from me. Let's do this imperfectly!

    Finally, Adam wrote in. His wife has a very limiting disability and it's led to a sexless marriage. He's been hiring escorts to help with his sexual needs because he loves his wive and their children, and just isn't sure what to do.

    And...THE AMAZING Shine Louise Houston joins us to talk about her new film, Chemistry Eases the Pain. Help support the film, check out the awesome perks, and spread the word. We need more awesome queer smut!

    Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast and support the show at $3 or more for exclusive access to this and every week's bonus content. This week? Supporters are getting something NO ONE ELSE IS GETTING! An exclusive extended clip from my chat with Melissa Carnagey of Sex Positive Families!

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra:

    What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

    In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

    It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

    Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best

    Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

  • 01:03:53

    Sex Gets Real 250: Embodiment, pleasure, and safety with Sage Hayes

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    Before we get started there's a huge thing you should know about:

    Explore More Summit 2019 is HAPPENING! The 4th annual free online conference is all about pleasure this year. You do not want to miss these conversations. They are incredible. Check out the line-up and register FOR FREE at exploremoresummit.com. Embodiment as our path to pleasure

    What are the ways we can access pleasure? What if pleasure isn't accessible to us? And how does trauma impact the body?

    Sage Hayes is here to tell us all about embodiment, trauma, healing, safety, and the phenomenal pleasure available to us when we learn how to listen more deeply.

    It's a beautiful, deep exploration of what it means to be in a body in a world that isn't very kind to bodies. We also talk about the wisdom of our coping mechanisms, why leaving the body is wise, and ways we create feelings of danger or erode safety in our relationships through unspoken expectations and demands.

    Rich stuff ahead!

    Want to hear my bonus chat with Sage all about co-regulation and helping each other when we are anxious, triggered, or in a tough spot? Pop over to Patreon! Folks who support the show at $3 per month and above get exclusive weekly content that you can't find anywhere else. Hear it and all the other bonuses at patreon.com/sgrpodcast

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Sage Hayes: Sage Hayes is interested in creating collective conditions for embodied healing and liberation. In their work, Sage weaves together principles and practices rooted in somatic experiencing, biodynamic craniosacral, systemic constellations, quantum physics and love. Offering one-on-one support and workshops, Sage is curious about the evolutionary possibilities at the intersection of emergent life and a multi-layered consciousness focused on justice and liberation. Pronouns: she/he/they - whatever your experience is of Sage in the moment.
    Stay in touch at embodiedliberation.com. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best

    Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

  • 00:47:52

    Sex Gets Real 249: Tumblr alternatives, struggling with being on top during sex, & emotional outbursts

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    ONE BIG THING before we get started:

    Register for Explore More Summit! It starts February 25th, 2019 and the theme this year is PLEASURE. It's free and online, and you do NOT want to miss it. Check it out here at exploremoresummit.com.

    On to your emails!

    First up, where can people go for alternatives to Tumblr now that it's banned porn? I found two articles with many of the same recommendations. Check out the Refinery29 piece and the Cosmo piece (this one is by Elle Chase, known as Lady Cheeky). As always, pay for your porn!

    Francis wrote in because they are struggling with being on top during sex. Is there something wrong? Why doesn't it feel good? They feel like everything is wrong, unsexy, and unfeminine and they are worried their ex broke up with them over not being able to do this position.

    The short of it is that not every position is for every body. We are all built differently and what we see in movies and in porn is meant to sell pleasure, not be a marker for "normal" or "real" sex. So instead, what would be pleasurable? What would feel yummy? Move in the direction of things that feel good and leave the rest. That's why sex can be so fun - it's an opportunity to be endlessly creative in all the ways our bodies are and possibly fit with other bodies.

    EEP! is struggling because their spouse is having some big feels and not managing them in a very skilled way. How can someone new to expressing emotions find a way to wield them with more care and how can EEP! care for their own needs through it all?

    First up, I highly recommend pre-ordering the new book "Burnout" by Emily & Amelia Nagoski which is all about stress, overwhelm, and ways we can process our stress feelings in better ways.

    I also recommend Tea & Empathy cards (which are in re-print status right now, so stay tuned by following Kate Kenfield). A free alternative is the feelings wheel.

    Aussie gal wants to know if having more disabled folks in porn will make them MORE likely to be abused since they're so vulnerable. Let's talk about invisibilizing and erasing folks in an attempt to "protect" them. NO NO NO.

    Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast and support the show at $3 or more for exclusive access to this and every week's bonus content.

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra:

    What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

    In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

    It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

    Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best

    Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

  • 01:06:51

    Sex Gets Real 248: Sexual wildness, the erotic, and mythology with Leonore Tjia

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    Before we get started there are three HUGE things:

    This episode is generously brought to you by LOLA. Listeners get 40% off their subscription at mylola.com using discount code SGR. Have organic cotton pads, tampons, wipes, and even condoms delivered discretely to your door at exactly the interval you need for your body. When you use the discount code it helps the show so so much. We hit 5 MILLION downloads and to celebrate, I made a little video plus a huge giveaway. Three lucky folks will be randomly selected to win three different prizes. Watch the video and put your name in the hat to win at sexgetsreal.com/five. Explore More Summit 2019 is HAPPENING! The 4th annual free online conference is all about pleasure this year. You do not want to miss these conversations. They are incredible. Check out the line-up and register FOR FREE at exploremoresummit.com. How have you been domesticated?

    One of my favorite things to do is to have deep, wandering conversations with people I love and admire. It feels intimate, expansive, playful, and important. The kinds of conversations that I think about for days or weeks, mulling over new perspectives and confronting new edges.

    Leonore Tjia is one of those magical people that I LOVE diving deep with. I first met Leonore years ago when she was working with Amy Jo Goddard and I attended a few webinars. Leonore's fierce softness made an immediate impression.

    Over the years, Leonore's practice has expanded and shifting into this incredible practice around wildness, movement, sexuality, and the erotic.

    So this week's episode is like a little peek behind the curtain. What happens when two folks who think about, write about, and dig deep into the caverns of sexuality and the erotic get together and dance? This is that conversation.

    We talk about wildness, the erotic as an expansive resource we are in relationship with rather than a thing we own, our inner critic, and why so often when we crave newness in relationship it's not actually new people we're wanting but newness in ourselves.

    This episode is literally an hour of brain sex. Yum.

    Plus, Patreon supporters, if you support the show at $3 per month and above you get exclusive weekly content that you can't find anywhere else. This week, Leonore and I talk all about the ways BDSM can help us heal past traumas. Hear it all at patreon.com/sgrpodcast

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Leonore Tjia: Leonore is a feminist sexuality educator who helps people create more presence, play, pleasure and power in the bedroom and beyond. As a trained practitioner of Internal Family Systems therapy, she assists people in recovering the parts of their sexual selves that have been exiled and repressed. Her workshops and teaching bring an ecological focus to sexual empowerment, helping people to reconnect to erotic vitality and step into sexual wildness. Stay in touch with Leonore at luminoussex.com and on Instagram. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best

    Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

  • 00:54:42

    Sex Gets Real 247: adrienne maree brown on pleasure activism

    Sex Gets Real with Dawn Serra starstarstarstarstar
    add

    Before we get started there are three HUGE things:

    This episode is generously brought to you by LOLA. Listeners get 40% off their subscription at mylola.com using discount code SGR. Have organic cotton pads, tampons, wipes, and even condoms delivered discretely to your door at exactly the interval you need for your body. When you use the discount code it helps the show so so much. We hit 5 MILLION downloads and to celebrate, I made a little video plus a huge giveaway. Three lucky folks will be randomly selected to win three different prizes. Watch the video and put your name in the hat to win at sexgetsreal.com/five. Explore More Summit 2019 is HAPPENING! The 4th annual free online conference is all about pleasure this year. You do not want to miss these conversations. They are incredible. Check out the line-up and register FOR FREE at exploremoresummit.com. adrienne maree brown is one of my heroes and she makes my heart sing.

    I am over the moon to get to share this with you. adrienne maree brown is one of my biggest heroes. Her work has influenced me on a very deep and transformative level, so getting to speak with her about her new book, "Pleasure Activism: The Politics of Feeling Good" was a dream come true.

    We talk pleasure, pleasure activism, drugs, sex, and so much more.

    adrienne explains how pleasure activism is anti-capitalist because it's not about spending more money, but about tapping out of believing something is wrong with you and instead realizing you are enough as you are and you can access enough-ness and satisfaction through your body today.

    We talk about what gets taken from us, what it means to center the most marginalized when we consider access to pleasure, what it means to be satisfiable versus numbing out, and why all of this helps us to settle more deeply into our own wisdom and healing.

    AK Press, an independent anarchist publisher, has "Pleasure Activism" on sale RIGHT NOW for just $15 before February 24th when it gets released. Support them, support adrienne, buy it today.

    Plus, Patreon supporters, if you support the show at $3 per month and above you get exclusive weekly content that you can't find anywhere else. This week, I'm rolling around in a listener question. Hear it all at patreon.com/sgrpodcast

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About adrienne maree brown: adrienne maree brown is author of the soon to be released "Pleasure Activism The Politics of Feeling Good by AK Press, "Emergent Strategy: Shaping Change, Changing Worlds and the co-editor of Octavia’s Brood: Science Fiction from Social Justice Movements. She is a writer, social justice facilitator, pleasure activist, healer and doula living in Detroit. Stay in touch with adrienne on Instagram @adriennemareebrown. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best

    Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)