Episodes

  • tl;dr Darcey Steinke on menopause, changing bodies, & a new way forward MENOPAUSE! It's a thing loads of us go through that's fraught with misinformation, silence, shame, and PATRIARCHY. So, this week, I'm chatting with author Darcey Steinke about her new book, "Flash Count Diary: Menopause and the Vindication of Natural Life". I had a chance to read the book and chat about it with some friends in a queer elders book club I'm in. Darcey and I dive into the ways menopause is vilified by the modern medical industrial complex, the stories we don't have, and what she discovered along the way around pleasure, sex, and changing bodies. We acknowledge that this episode is cis and hetero centric as it's a largely about Darcey's memoir. If you're looking for some resources for other kinds of bodies and genders, head to dawnserra.com/ep287 for a few to check out. You can grab "Flash Count Diary" wherever books are sold. Patreons, don't miss my bonus chat with Darcey just for you! You'll hear a moving story of how and why Darcey found inspiration in killer whales as she moved through menopause and what we can learn about changing bodies from these fierce mammals. It was one of my favorite parts of the book, too! The bonus is for folks who support at $3 per month and above, and you can hear it at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note using the contact form in the navigation above! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Darcey Steinke: Darcey Steinke is the author of the memoir Easter Everywhere and five novels: Sister Golden Hair, Milk, Jesus Saves, Suicide Blonde, and Up Through the Water. Her books have been translated into ten languages, and her nonfiction has appeared widely. Her web story “Blindspot” was a part of the 2000 Whitney Biennial. She has been both a Henry Hoyns and a Stegner Fellow, and a Writer-in-Residence at the University of Mississippi. She has taught at the New School, Columbia University School of the Arts, New York University, Princeton, and the American University of Paris. She lives with her husband in Brooklyn. Stay in touch with Darcey at darceysteinke.com and on Instagram. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Tune in on Spotify. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Head to dawnserra.com/ep287 for the full transcript.

  • tl;dr Can someone explore their bisexuality while being in a monogamous relationship? Do things get better after you've been raped? How can you balance body positivity with Hashimoto's and how can you tell a potential date about your health issues?

    Patrons who support at $3 and above, you're invited to join the Explore More book club. We are meeting in December to discuss Jenny Odell's "How to Do Nothing: Resisting the Attention Economy", so check out my new post at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. Also, your bonus this week is some fun journal prompts and questions about food and pleasure. Be sure to grab it!

    On with this week's episode.

    TJ has been diagnosed with Hashimoto's which is an auto immune disorder. After a lifetime of trying to be accepting of their body, now their body is changing. How can they balance a restricted diet without giving into diet culture?

    And, if you're just starting to date again, how do you tell someone about your health issues? When is the right time to tell them about a disease or a disorder?

    MJ is exploring her bisexuality, but there's a problem. She's in a monogamous relationship. Her partner is open to them trying a threesome, but MJ wants to try sex with a woman on her own just to see what's it like. Can she do that?

    This also opens the door for us to talk about the ways we treat people when we want to experiment with our sexuality or try a threesome - often we treat folks like objects to use for our pleasure. How can we do better? What kind of complexity do we need to grapple with if we're seriously considering trying something like this?

    Finally, N wrote in. She was raped and then betrayed by someone she cared deeply about. After a suicide attempt, N is in counselling and struggling. Does life get better? Do the nightmares and the fear and the PTSD get better? Is there hope for intimacy and being able to be touched?

    Let's talk about the realities of living in a body after trauma and what healing can look like inside of these very broken systems we're in.

    Also, huge thanks to Hemlock for their awesome song "Firelight" which was used in this episode between questions. I'm digging it!

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Stream it on Spotify Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best

    Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

    Episode Transcript

    Visit dawnserra.com/ep286 for the transcript.

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  • tl;dr Kai Cheng Thom on consent, healing, & pleasure

    This episode is generously brought to you by LOLA. Listeners, save 30% off your first month's subscription of period products (tampons, pads, and liners) and sex products (ultra thin condoms, lube, and wipes).

    This week it's me and Kai Cheng Thom. I AM SO EXCITED!

    Kai Cheng and I talk about so many things from how easy it is for sex positive educators to default to a mechanized view of sex and why checklists around consent aren't enough to why sex is always political and why Kai Cheng is so committed to uplifting our humanity.

    We dive into healing, trauma, transformative justice, courage, pleasure, and Kai Cheng's vision for a post-apocalyptic world.

    Be sure to check out Kai Cheng's advise column for some great reading, and of course, grab

  • tl;dr How to vulnerable and honest, is cheating bad, and what to do about a big penis?

    News!

    Patrons who support at $3 and above, you're invited to join the Explore More book club. We are meeting in December to discuss Jenny Odell's "How to Do Nothing: Resisting the Attention Economy", so check out my new post at patreon.com/sgrpodcast.

    Let's take a touch inventory. Who in your life can you share touch with? Not just sexual or romantic, but platonic, comforting, or familial touch? I've been thinking a lot about the ways we're so touch-starved here in the U.S. and Canada, and then an article came across my feed this week that I thought was worth sharing. Check out Vice's article by visiting dawnserra.com/ep284.

    This week it's your emails! We're diving deep into three of them.

    Anxious Freshman grew up in a household where love was dependent on obedience and pleasing their father. As someone heading off to college, they're noticing that it's challenging for them to be open and honest about their feelings, to be vulnerable with others. They even lie to their friends about sex while knowing their friends wouldn't judge them. What can they do differently?

    Al has a big question. Is it wrong to cheat on his wife? They've been married a long time and sex hasn't been a part of the equation for many years. He is seriously considering cheating on his wife, and wants to know if it's wrong.

    It's a huge question and one I take some time with.

    Finally, Big Cock Blues has met someone wonderful, but there's a problem. His cock is massive and it leaves BCB feeling raw, sore, and irritated after they have intercourse. What can BCB do to accommodate this big penis?

    From different positions to cock rings to trying perineal massage, there are lots of ways to experiment here, but the bottom line is to always trust your body and to follow your body's lead - not to try and force it or override it's wisdom. I found an article on perineal massage for BCB. Check it out here.

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra:

    What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

    Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Stream it on Spotify Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best

    Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

    Episode Transcript

    Coming soon at dawnserra.com/ep284

  • tl;dr Relationship green flags (healthy relationship behaviors), community accountability, and play party etiquette.

    News!

    Patrons who support at $3 and above, you're invited to join the Explore More book club. We are meeting in December to discuss Jenny Odell's "How to Do Nothing: Resisting the Attention Economy", so check out my new post at patreon.com/sgrpodcast.

    How are you doing? No really. How are you? Share with me, if you'd like, and send in your questions because I'd love to hear from you. Send me a note using the contact form in the navigation above?

    What are relationship green flags? In other words, what are healthy relationship behaviors? What's a green flag for relationships? Well, after seeing a meme circulating with a few of them, I compiled a list of 24 green flag behaviors for relationships, because we hear a lot about red flags and it's nice to know what to do versus what not to do.

    Anderbear wrote in wanting to know how to proactively set up an accountability pod for their kinky community and resources for community accountability.

    While the list isn't exhaustive, it is a jumping off point! Get all of the links and names at dawnserra.com/ep283.

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra:

    What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

    Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Stream it on Spotify Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best

    Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

    Episode Transcript

    Visit dawnserra.com/ep283

  • tl;dr Is squirting embarrassing? How can I find a fat-friendly therapist? What if my marriage is falling apart?

    News!

    Patrons who support at $3 and above, you're invited to join the Explore More book club. We are meeting in December to discuss Jenny Odell's "How to Do Nothing: Resisting the Attention Economy", so check out my new post at patreon.com/sgrpodcast.

    This week, it's me and you!

    An awesome video called "How to Support Harm Does in Accountability" came across my feed this week, and it turns out it's part of a multi-video series by the Barnard Center for Research on Women featuring Mia Mingus, Leah Lakshmi Piepzna-Samarasinha, adrienne maree brown, and a bunch of other amazing folks. Definitely check them all out.

    How can we become more committed to collective healing and safety? What do we need to let go of in order to center the most marginalized? I explore this a bit as I share a few quotes and tidbits from the videos.

    Then, we dive into your questions.

    Sad Gay Millennial and SaFyre both wrote in this week with really sweet notes about how the show has helped them. I'm holding them so tenderly.

    Ina wrote to me about being in a fat body and finding support. How can you find a fat-friendly therapist? I have resources for you to check out at dawnserra.com/ep282.

    Regardless of who you have near you for support, I recommend asking lots of questions about their values and going in with a list of requests and boundaries that would help you to feel more safe and supported.

    Is squirting embarrassing? Amy wrote in because she squirts and after she does, she often feels really embarrassed and worried about the mess she made. Her current boyfriend is really supportive, but she wants to know if there's a way to feel less awkward about the mess her body makes.

    Finally, Emotionally Wrecked Matt wrote in because he lost weight last year and as a result his wife has experienced a lot of insecurity and withdrawal. Sex isn't what it used to be, feelings are hurt, and now they've shared some fantasies with each other that left the other feeling even more hurt. What can he do?

    As much as there is to dive into in this email, what's clear is that Matt and his wife need some support. Repair needs to come before adventure and play, so let's talk about that.

    Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note using the contact form in the navigation above!

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra:

    What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

    Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Stream it on Spotify Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best

    Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

    Episode Transcript

    Find it at dawnserra.com/ep282

  • tl;dr What should you do with sexy pics of your ex and what if you still get off to them? How can you have more pleasure if you have herpes and your partner does not? And what should you do if you can't stop thinking of someone who drifted out of your life? News! The October Cohort of my 5-week online course, Power in Pleasure, is enrolling NOW. We kick off TODAY Sunday, October 20th and it's going to be amazing. Learn more and enroll here: dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse (it costs as much as a single coaching session but includes six live calls and five weeks of daily emails bursting with powerful prompts and questions). Join us! This week, it's me and you! First up, I want all of us to know about SexEdSchool.ca with Nadine Thornhill and Eva Bloom. It's for kids and adults with kids in their lives, but let's be honest. We could all use a refresher. Check it out. Thinking wrote in about still thinking a lot about an old friend who drifted out of their life. Sometimes those memories are erotic and sometimes not, but is this because Thinking loves them or never got closure? Crystal from Patreon had a few thoughts for Thinking. And then I weigh in about memories and how they can serve to support the stories we need in our lives. But it's important that we use memories to nourish us or to feel into something that we enjoy rather than investing in the truth of this fiction we've spun. It's normal to look back, as long as looking back doesn't keep us from living in the present. Increase My Pleasure Please has herpes and their boyfriend does not. They are using gloves and condoms, but they'd really like to try oral sex. IMPP is on anti-viral meds, but there's still a chance to shed the virus, so what is safe? How can IMPP increase their pleasure without increasing risk? I love this question because current stats show that 90% of Americans have some form of the herpes virus, which means it's SUPER common. And the more all of us know, the more pleasure we can all experience! Because I'm not a herpes expert, I turned to a few great resources for data and suggestions. Head to dawnserra.com/ep281 for the full list of links. The long and the short of it is whether we are in a relationship with differing STI statuses, with disability, with chronic pain, with aging bodies, with fat bodies, with differing needs, or just want to have more options for pleasure, we can experience deep sexual fulfillment and erotic expression when we use our imaginations to connect around the infinite ways we can enjoy each other's bodies - lap dances, mutual masturbation, erotic massage, tickle fights and wrestling, power exchange, bondage, reading erotica together, clothes-on humping and making out, toys, fucking machines - the sky is the limit on pleasure. Kate has a super short question that I find fascinating. Is it wrong to keep sexy photos of an ex and to sometimes get off to them? What if you're in a new relationship? Let's talk ethics and respecting people and how the digital age can make us feel entitled to someone's body long after we're with them. Finally, Patrons, this week's bonus will be some erotic breathwork practices. Join me! If you support the show at $3 per month, you can get access at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. If you want to help me answer listener questions, the $5 level is for you. Your support means so much! Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note using the contact form in the navigation above! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Stream it on Spotify Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Head to dawnserra.com/ep281 for the transcript.

  • tl;dr Nurturance culture, rape culture, accountability, and boundaries with Nora Samaran.

    Don't miss the October cohort of Power in Pleasure, my 5-week online course dedicated to exploring your pleasure. Details are at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse. Enrollment closes soon!

    This week, I'm joined by Nora Samaran, author of the essay, "The Opposite of Rape Culture is Nurturance Culture" and the recently published book, Turn This World Inside Out: The Emergence of Nurturance Culture, out by AK Press. Grab the book here.

    Nora and I spent three hours chatting the day we recorded this episode, so needless to say there was a lot for us to unpack and explore.

    In the main episode for the show, we talk about nurturance culture, rape culture, raising the bar for the relationships we have and what it means to have relational responsibility, how our brains are wired for interdependence, attachment styles and how culturally we value avoidant attachment styles while vilifying anxious attachment styles.

    We dive into why there's so much heartbreak in swimming against the current of neoliberalism and capitalism when we prioritize interdependence, but also the richness available there.

    What does mutuality look like? What does care in our communities look like?

    Nora offers some beautiful examples of what it means for communities to protect people facing harm while honoring the humanity of the person or people causing the harm, and how we can be more accountable in ways that nurture us all. She calls it the 'double move' and it all starts with meeting the need without centering our own shame and guilt.

    Then, for Patreon, our bonus conversation is all about gaslighting. It's fantastic. Nora shares how the culture we live in lies to itself and creates fictions, why we are all so disconnected and dissociated, why when we're addressing patterns of gaslighting and harm it's not a "meet in the middle" thing, the neurology of gaslighting, and trauma bonding. If you want to hear it, it's for folks who support at $3 per month and above, and you can hear it at patreon.com/sgrpodcast.

    Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note using the contact form in the navigation above!

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Nora Samaran:

    Nora Samaran is a white settler from a working class immigrant background. She was a member of the No One is Illegal-Vancouver collective from 2005-2008, and the Media Democracy Day-Vancouver collective from 2008-2010. Her essay ‘The Opposite of Rape Culture is Nurturance Culture’ went viral in February 2016 and has grown into a book, Turn This World Inside Out, out with AK Press in June 2019. She teaches at Douglas College in Coast Salish Territories, also known as Vancouver, British Columbia.

    Check out Nora's interview on the Healing Justice podcast.

    If you join the Healing Justice podcast bookclub, there is a live webinar coming up, plus you can save 30% on the book!

    Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Tune in on Spotify. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best

    Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

    Episode Transcript

    Episode transcripts are available at dawnserra.com/sexgetsrealpod

  • Radical love, resilient community, and never being discarded with Andy Izenson

    I am so excited to replay this episode with Andy Izenson.

    When it first aired, I received loads of emails as a response, and since I'm taking this week off to tend to me, it felt like a beautiful offering to tide you over until next week.

    I first saw Andy speak several years ago at a closing panel for Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit, and I was in awe. You'll see why when you tune into our rich conversation.

    After reaching out to Andy, asking if they'd like to talk about restorative and transformative justice as well as building resilient communities on the show, Andy also said they were thinking a lot about:

    -- the way orthodoxies of capitalism and scarcity infuse polyamorous community// polyamory should be inherently anti-capitalist -- the way the state is conspiring with your trauma -- disposability and anxiety and the fiction of moral purity -- resilience and bravery in sex and relationships -- what even is masculinity anyway

    RIGHT?!?!

    So, on this week's show, we talk about alternative justice, healing, building resilient relationships and communities, letting go of the fantasy of safety and why there are no good people, plus, we explore the power of anger, question what even is masculinity, and feel moved that the kids really will be alright.

    Patreon supporters - If you support the show at the $3 level and above, a new bonus is landing on Tuesday (so I can continue to take the weekend to rest). Listen and support the show at patreon.com/sgrpodcast

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. In this episode, Andy and I talk about: Andy’s take on restorative and transformative justice and how finding factors where the whole community can come together to heal is a form of radical love. The ways we've been taught to believe in good versus bad, heroes versus villains, and why that feeds our hunger for punishment and violence. But punishment doesn't heal wounds or create strong communities, so what's the alternative? The fantasy we have to let go of around punishment and banishment when someone does something harmful, and how safety is an illusion. Why we can banish all the "abusers" from the island if we expect to have community. Andy's definition for community and how we can start building that kind of fierce support in a tiny way. The power of our anger, and what happens when the people in our life can hold that anger with us. We also talk about how damn resilient relationships become when we're can fuck up and know we won't be abandoned or discarded. Cultivating resilience in interpersonal relationships and communities. Knowing how you want your community to be/look like and how it should be a space where you feel safe and supported. The hard work around radical love and that it’s not always rainbows and butterflies. It’s actually really hard work Masculinity: What it would be like if it was not toxic and infused with violent misogyny? What even is masculinity? Imagining a world that just accepts us as who we are and who we want to be, opens the question of whether or not we’ll have a different language for what we have now? The excitement and the honest truth that the kids are alright. They will be. Period. About Andy Izenson:

    Andy Izenson is an attorney with Diana Adams Law & Mediation, PLLC, and is a collaborative practitioner, mediator, and passionate advocate, working to reframe conflict through a compassionate and transformative lens. As a member of the National LGBT Bar Association’s Family Law Institute and the National Lawyers Guild NYC Chapter Executive Committee, Andy is tirelessly committed to support for queer community and families as well as to a radical, anti-assimilationist politic.

    You can find Andy on Twitter @AndyEyeballs, join the Diana Adams Law newsletter, or email Andy about speaking at your institution at andy.izenson at gmail dot com.

    Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best

    Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

  • tl;dr Why coming forward about sexual assault doesn't "ruin" lives, what to do when you're deeply ashamed of masturbation, & does loving penises make a straight man gay?

    News!

    The October Cohort of my 5-week online course, Power in Pleasure, is enrolling NOW. We kick off Sunday, October 14th and it's going to be amazing. Learn more and enroll here: dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse (it costs as much as a single coaching session but includes six live calls and five weeks of daily emails bursting with powerful prompts and questions). Join us!

    This week, it's me and you!

    First up, I share a fascinating and crucial thread by Nicole Bedera on why rape allegations do not "ruin" lives. Grab the link to read it and share it here.

    This is such a relevant conversation, and pairs perfectly with an awesome post that made the rounds this week by Jennifer Michelle Greenberg. You can check it out along with my thoughts here.

    In short, speaking your truth about abuse and harm does not ruin lives and we all have a responsibility to take more action around instances of harm. This is not an individual problem but a communal and collective one.

    Then, I field your emails.

    Libby wanted to share some feedback and thanks, which felt amazing to receive.

    From Help Me to Help Myself wrote in because they feel extreme shame around masturbating and don't know what to do. They experienced abuse and were raised in a very sex negative and Christian household, so masturbation feels complicated. How can they change their relationship with self-pleasure?

    Finally, Brian is worried his fetish means something about his sexuality. You see, he is straight, but he has a fetish for penises and semen, especially around performing oral on a trans person. So what does it all mean and where did this come from?

    I do a deep dive into genitals, identity, and sexuality. I also want all of us to check out three articles about sex with trans women. Head to dawnserra.com/ep279 for those links.

    Finally, Patrons, this week's bonus will be a short reading and meditation with some journal prompts about masturbation and our pleasure stories. If you support the show at $3 per month, you can get access at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. If you want to help me answer listener questions, the $5 level is for you. Your support means so much!

    Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note using the contact form in the navigation above!

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra:

    What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

    Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best

    Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

    Episode Transcript

    Coming soon at dawnserra.com/ep279


  • Anne Hodder-Shipp joins us to talk sex ed, entitlement in relationships, and sex after recovery and while sober.

    News!

    If you could use some support around your relationship to your body, to pleasure, to sex and desire, I have a few spots available for in-person coaching in Vancouver and in my online virtual practice. Check out the Work With Me page for details. Patreon supporters - Anne and I spent some time recording a special bonus chat for you all about dream work and sex dreams. Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast to hear. If you don't yet support the show, $3 per month gets you weekly bonus content you can't find anywhere else.

    This week, I'm joined by Anne Hodder-Shipp, an experienced and no bullshit sex educator who does incredible work on the front lines of sex education and behind-the-scenes helping with the marketing and promotion of many popular brands you likely know.

    We dive into the importance of authenticity in dating and relationships, why being in a relationship does not entitle you to your partner's body and the steps you can take if you've behaved that way in the past, Anne's awesome new sex education certification program through EDSE (there's a new course in November - if you're interested, SIGN-UP NOW!), and the complexities of sex when you're in recovery or newly sober.

    Anne also shares how natural dreamwork, a way to get in touch with your emotions, helped her doing some healing work.

    Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note using the contact form in the navigation above!

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Anne Hodder-Shipp:

    Anne Hodder-Shipp, ACS, (she/her) is a multi-certified sex and relationships educator with professional training in breathwork and holistic dreamwork. She boasts a unique understanding of age-appropriate sex education, trauma-informed healing, critical thinking, and emotional intelligence, and she brings a fun, friendly and sex-positive facilitation style to every session, group or event she hosts. Utilizing a non-judgmental and no-b.s. approach, Anne happily helps clients of all ages, experience levels and lifestyles heal, learn and grow. In addition to her private practice and public workshops, Anne is the founder of and lead educator at Everyone Deserves Sex Education (EDSE), and also leads treatment groups for clients recovering from substance use disorder, eating disorders, compulsive sexual behavior and other stigmatized illnesses.

    Private practice: https://annehoddershipp.com
    EDSE Certification:
    https://everyonedeservessexed.com/certification
    Instagram + Twitter: @theannehodder

    Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best

    Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

    Episode Transcript

    Head to dawnserra.com/ep278 for the transcript.

  • tl;dr Creating community memories of abuse, why giving advice is a double-edged sword, attending ACA meetings, and wanting to cuckquean when you have trauma and no body confidence. News! Save 40% off your first subscription with LOLA and your pads, tampons, wipes, condoms, and more can be discreetly delivered right to your door on YOUR schedule. They are generously sponsoring this episode. Listeners save 40% when they go to mylola.com and use promo code SGR at checkout. First up, I want your questions! I zoomed through so many of your amazing stories and emails this summer, that I'd love to hear more from you as I line up the podcast for the fall. Where are you struggling around sex, love, pleasure, and bodies? What would you love to know more about? How can I support you around the places that feel tender and confusing? Email me at info at sexgetsreal dot com or using the contact form which is linked at the top of the page. This week we kick off by exploring a few interesting posts I came across. One that's a few years old by Ferrett Steinmetz on the dangers of giving advice. Grab the link at sexgetsreal.com/ep277. Another is this amazing community memory that's meant to help a DC antifacist activist community remember some harmful behavior one particular individual has been engaging in. Is there potential for other communities to create similar memories as a way to foster accountability and change? Check out the piece and share it widely by heading to sexgetsreal.com/ep277. We are diving into two questions this week. The first is Ana Banana who wants to know what I think of going to ACA meetings (Adult Children of Alcoholics). I explore the power of community to heal and also some of the dangers of placing all the blame on individuals. Next is a question from Confused Quean on how to be a cuckquean while having deep body trauma and self-image issues. I posed this question to Patreon, and a few folks help share their ideas and perspective. Did you know you can support the show? Every single dollar means so much, and if you'd like to toss a few my way to help keep the show going, head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast. If you support at $3 and above each month, you get exclusive weekly content you can't find anywhere else and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me answer listener questions. Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note using the contact form in the navigation above! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Coming soon at sexgetsreal.com/ep277

  • News!

    I am on episode 4.2 of the Secret Feminist Agenda podcast. Tune in as I talk all about the Sex Gets Real podcast, how I got into this work, and much more. Save 40% off your first subscription with LOLA and your pads, tampons, wipes, condoms, and more can be discreetly delivered right to your door on YOUR schedule. They are generously sponsoring this episode. Listeners save 40% when they go to mylola.com and use promo code SGR at checkout.

    First up, I want your questions! I zoomed through so many of your amazing stories and emails this summer, that I'd love to hear more from you as I line up the podcast for the fall.

    Where are you struggling around sex, love, pleasure, and bodies? What would you love to know more about? How can I support you around the places that feel tender and confusing?

    Email me at info at sexgetsreal dot com or using the contact form which is linked at the top of the page.

    I'd also love more of your love notes about the ways people in your life make you feel appreciated and loved. It's so sweet having these little rituals to share with everyone. Send yours over whether it's something a lover, spouse, friend, coworker, neighbor, child, or community member does. Love is love!

    On to your emails.

    Mare is struggling because she betrayed her partner. He didn't want to open their relationship and she did, so she betrayed their agreement and now things are terrible. She feels guilty and ashamed, and wants some thoughts on the whole situation.

    Anonymous Girl has always considered herself to be straight, but she's getting bored of sex with men, and is starting to feel really curious about sex with people of other genders. Should she go for it? And how?

    Finally, Sydney Faith Rose recently wrote something amazing about how many women are talking about their anxious attachment, but how maybe instead of seeing it as something to fix, it's instead a huge sign that there are very good reasons to be anxious right now.

    I explore some of the limitations of attachment theory and offer some questions for us all to sit with.

    Did you know you can support the show? Every single dollar means so much, and if you'd like to toss a few my way to help keep the show going, head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast.

    If you support at $3 and above each month, you get exclusive weekly content you can't find anywhere else and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me answer listener questions.

    This week there are TWO bonus episodes because last week's had an issue. One bonus is all about a partner who lied about getting STI testing done which has put their whole polycule at risk. The other bonus episode is about arousal and whether a desire to be penetrated or not is the sign of full arousal for a vulva owner.

    Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note!

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra:

    What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

    In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

    It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

    Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best

    Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

    Episode Transcript

    Available at sexgetsreal.com/ep276

  • News!

    I am going to be on Secret Feminist Agenda podcast. The episode drops Friday, August 30, 2019 and if you haven't checked out this rad podcast yet, do it here. The next cohort of Power in Pleasure starts October 14th and enrollment is now open. If you'd like to learn more and join in this rich exploration of pleasure, hunger, and desire, head to dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse.

    To get us started, I came across two threads all about love and the simple ways we care for each other.

    I'd love to hear from you one the little things people in your life do that make you feel loved and what made you think "yeah, I want this human in my life for awhile". Platonic, creative, sexual, romantic - it doesn't matter. Let's start a love fest. Email me with your story!

    I also want to take some time to share that a porn performer named Rooster has come forward about abuse they experienced on the set of an Erika Lust film by guest director Olympia de G.

    I share some thoughts on how we can do better around accountability and complexity, but I think the most important thing is hearing from Rooster and centering their experience.

    On to your emails.

    Kate's boyfriend has a coworker who is pretty disrespectful with boundaries, but despite that, had an initially shitty situation turn into something super sexy and fun. Go Kate!

    Next up, Elizabeth has just recently started dating a couple. Things are going great, but the woman asked Elizabeth not to wear crop tops around their daughter and Elizabeth isn't sure if she's being shamed or not for her clothing. What gives?

    Finally, CassyBoBassy is curious about body trust. As someone who struggled with dieting and a family who vilified fat bodies, Cassy is starting to see there might be another way to experience pleasure and break-up with shame, but what does it mean to trust your body and how can she feel less lost?

    Grab all the links and resources mentioned in this episode at sexgetsreal.com/ep275.

    Did you know you can support the show? Every single dollar means so much, and if you'd like to toss a few my way to help keep the show going, head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast.

    If you support at $3 and above each month, you get exclusive weekly content you can't find anywhere else and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me answer listener questions.

    Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note!

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra:

    What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

    In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

    It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

    Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best

    Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

    Episode Transcript

    Find it at sexgetsreal.com/ep275

  • News!

    I am now taking in-person clients in my coaching practice. If you're in the Vancouver area, I will working out of Allura Sex Therapy Centre on Fridays. Head to dawnserra.com to reach out to me if you're interested in grabbing a spot. The next cohort of Power in Pleasure starts October 14th and enrollment is now open. If you'd like to learn more and join in this rich exploration of pleasure, hunger, and desire, head to dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse.

    This week's episode is all about you and your questions.

    First up, there have been updates on #polyamorysmetoo and I wanted to pass those along. Head to sexgetsreal.com/ep274 for all the links you need.

    You can also check out the @bodyimage_therapists's post on restriction here, and you can follow Ashlee if changing your relationship with food and body is something you're working on.

    After sharing some passages from Nora Samaran's "Turn This World Inside Out", it's time to jump into your emails.

    Chelsea wrote in because she is going to her first dungeon warehouse party. Is it safe to go as a single straight woman? And what should she wear?

    Amy has been with her husband for 8 years and early in their relationship, she had one month where she had mindblowing ecstastic orgasms and then they disappeared as quietly as they arrived. What happened? Is it normal? And why?

    Lady Shyzune experienced some trauma in some messy relationships with loved ones, and is finally coming out the other side with healthier boundaries and more support. How can people avoid the messy traps she fell into?

    You can check out Dr. Chris Hoff's piece on the myth of codependency by heading to sexgetsreal.com/ep274 for the link.

    Did you know you can support the show? Every single dollar means so much, and if you'd like to toss a few my way to help keep the show going, head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast.

    If you support at $3 and above each month, you get exclusive weekly content you can't find anywhere else and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me answer listener questions.

    Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note!

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra:

    What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

    In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

    It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

    Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best

    Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

    Episode Transcript

    Head to sexgetsreal.com/ep274 for the transcript.

  • News!

    GET YOUR PRESCRIPTION FEE WAIVED at Simple Health if you'd like to try their online access for birth control and automatic subscription service with free shipping. Complete your health profile at simplehealth.com/sgr or use code SGR at checkout to get that $20 annual prescription fee waived and to get your birth control mailed to your door. I am now taking in-person clients in my coaching practice. If you're in the Vancouver area, I will working out of Allura Sex Therapy Centre on Fridays. Head to dawnserra.com to reach out to me if you're interested in grabbing a spot. The next cohort of Power in Pleasure starts October 14th and enrollment is now open. If you'd like to learn more and join in this rich exploration of pleasure, hunger, and desire, head to dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse.

    This week's episode is all about you and your questions.

    I got two follow-up emails, both from people whose questions were featured in episode 271. It was great to hear from both of them, and I share a little about what I hope each of you takes from the answers I offer on this show.

    Crushing wrote in because they are married and love their spouse, but they are having some kind of crush on a new co-worker. What is this? What do they do? And can they give this person a gift before they leave this job?

    Crushes are totally normal, and there are so many kinds of crushes! Friend crushes, admiration crushes, appreciation crushes, sexual crushes, and many more. It sounds like Crushing is having a friend crush, but let's talk about crushes and how we can all enjoy them and validate those feelings without being out of alignment with our values.

    Tina wants to know if I have a recommended book list and Tina is in LUCK!

    You can get the official Sex Gets Real Recommended Reading List full of all my favorite and most recommended books at sexgetsreal.com/books. Fill in your info and you'll get immediate access to that list of awesome books.

    Grab the rest of the links and books I mention at sexgetsreal.com/ep273

    Anonymous wrote in because they are unable to voice their feelings or speak about their arousal with their amazing and supportive partner. In fact, they called themself a "relationship mute". How can they find their voice?

    I offer loads of suggestions including working with Tea & Empathy cards (I have a few dozen decks available for sale if you'd like one, hit me up via email or on Facebook - I'm selling them at cost which is $35 + shipping), Betty Martin's 3-minute game which you hear all about in my chat with her for Explore More 2017 or on her website here, plus several other little tips and things to consider.

    Did you know you can support the show? Every single dollar means so much, and if you'd like to toss a few my way to help keep the show going, head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast.

    If you support at $3 and above each month, you get exclusive weekly content you can't find anywhere else and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me answer listener questions.

    Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note!

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra:

    What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

    In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

    It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

    Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best

    Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

    Episode Transcript

    Available at sexgetsreal.com/ep273

  • Before we jump into my conversation with Tristan, I want to take a few moments to share an important piece called:

    Dildon’t Disrespect Black Femmes: Our Personal Experiences With Wild Flower Sex Shop

    This piece, written collectively by Ev'Yan Whitney, Ashleigh, Karmenife, La'Shaunae, VenusCuffs, and Cameron Glover, is an important account of ongoing exploitation and abuse that these Black Femmes experienced at the hands of Wildflower Sex shop.

    It's also an important invitation to us all to think about who we critique and who we harm when we take "ethical" stances against certain companies or practices, especially that ultimately then benefit our own interests.

    You can read Tristan Taormino's additional thoughts about the sexuality field and the ways work in this field continues to be devalued and exploited, particularly for people of color and other people who are marginalized.

    We must all do better. This impacts our abilities to be present with each other. This impacts our abilities to be in our bodies, experiencing pleasure, building a most just world. It matters.

    Read these accounts by Ev'Yan, Ashleigh, Karmenife, La'Shaunae, Venus Cuffs, and Cameron and take a few moments to reflect.

    Tristan is here this week! And it's EPIC.

    Oh how I love chatting with Tristan. And you're about to hear why - we GO places in this 90 minute conversation of lusciousness.

    It all started when I asked Tristan to come on the show to tell us about her ultra personal new memoir which dives deep into her childhood, growing up with a gay dad, losing him to AIDS, and even part of a memoir her dad wrote about his life. In fact, if you want to read snippets and get exclusive updates, support Tristan's Patreon: patreon.com/tristantaormino

    But, in this episode we also talk about fat phobia, changing and aging bodies, capitalism, white supremacy, the sexuality field, and much much more.

    I can't WAIT for you to hear it all.

    Patreon supporters - head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast to hear my bonus chat with Tristan. We talk about the ethics of triangulation in poly relationships courtesy of a listener question!

    If you aren't a supporter, I'd love your financial support to help keep the show going. If you pledge $3 per month, you get access to exclusive weekly bonus content and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me field listener questions.

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best

    Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

    Podcast Transcript

    Find it at sexgetsreal.com/ep272

  • News!

    I am now taking in-person clients in my coaching practice. If you're in the Vancouver area, I will working out of Allura Sex Therapy Centre on Fridays. Head to dawnserra.com to reach out to me if you're interested in grabbing a spot. The next cohort of Power in Pleasure starts October 14th and enrollment is now open. If you'd like to learn more and join in this rich exploration of pleasure, hunger, and desire, head to dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse.

    It's you and me this week because I have so many amazing questions from you that I wanted to answer a few before next week's epic episode with Tristan Taormino.

    So what's on tap for this week?

    Teacup Half Full wrote in because she is engaged to an amazing man named George. He makes her so happy. But she also has an ex from the past who has come back into her life and he has declared that he wants to leave his fiancé to be with her. She loves them both. What can she do?

    I shared this question in Patreon for patrons who support at $5 and above, and Katie weighed in with her thoughts.

    Part of what I think Teacup Half Full needs to evaluate is her relationship values, how she wants to be in relationship, and then evaluate her relationship with these two men to see what she notices about what feels right. The secret keeping from both her fiancé George and the ex's fiancé needs to be addressed.

    Next, Ashamed AF Amy is struggling because Amy feels deeply ashamed of her genitals. She's been thinking about surgery because she feels broken and ugly. In fact, the first person she slept with shamed her and refused to go down on her.

    Again, I posed this question in Patreon, and Hawthorn and Katie shared their thoughts. Among the things they offered, they also shared the following resources for learning more about the vast and extraordinary variation in how vulva look.

    Check out:

    The Labia Library

    The Vulva Gallery

    Laura Dodsworth's 100 Vagina's project

    Joani Blank's book Femalia

    I want for more of us, all of us regardless of gender, to check out these resources. To see the huge variety in how vulvas shape themselves - none is wrong or ugly, they're simply different and unique. We don't get a chance to see much genitalia outside of porn, and that can leave us feeling like there's something wrong.

    Am Me wrote in because their friend is sexually attracted to fat bodies. How can they find resources around that?

    Let's normalize finding fat bodies hot! Because fat bodies can be SOOOO sexy - all those soft places, sensitive places, and yummy places to get lost in.

    Let's also talk about the difference between finding something sexy versus objectifying or fetishizing someone.

    Finally, Violeta is struggling because she is from Mexico and the person she is falling for is in the U.S. Is there any hope for love across this border, especially considering the current political climate? What can she do? Everything feels so sad.

    This is the reality of racism, xenophobia, and all of the bullshit propaganda U.S. citizens have been fed forever about fearing those from Mexico, Central, and South America. The violence is having a real impact on so many people, not just those crossing the border.

    Did you know you can support the show? Every single dollar means so much, and if you'd like to toss a few my way to help keep the show going, head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast.

    If you support at $3 and above each month, you get exclusive weekly content you can't find anywhere else and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me answer listener questions.

    Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note!

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra:

    What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

    In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

    It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

    Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best

    Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

    Episode Transcript

    Head to sexgetsreal.com/ep271 to grab it.

  • LAST CALL

    The July cohort of Power in Pleasure starts July 21st, so this is the final DAY to register before it closes. You deserve pleasure. You deserve to honor your hunger. Your power is tied to your pleasure. Explore with us and learn more at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse. Touch. The erotic. And healing.

    Chris Maxwell Rose is here from The Pleasure Mechanics and we geek out about touch, changing bodies and how our relationship with the erotic changes over time, touch hunger, and much much more.

    The Pleasure Mechanics have a bunch of fantastic online courses, so if you want to check those out this is my affiliate link.

    A few of the things we discuss include:

    The many touch stones that we have in our life that help us stay grounded and connected to ourselves, our body, and to the people we care about. What does saying yes to connection and touch mean? How do we explore our erotic selves with tenderness, longing, and hunger instead of fear, vulnerability, and terror? Chris shares their experience with mindfulness and being present, and how this practice can help us be more present during sex. Bringing erotic awareness into our daily lives and how skills based practice plays an important role in it. Reverence and how we can turn our attention to the small and minute things of everyday and savour in those moments. The different stories around touch, what touch hunger means, receiving touch, and to what degree is affectionate touch tied up to sex. What happens if touch is something that you’re not hungry for? How can we still practice this skill? The violence and harm that can come in how we touch one another and how do we practice the pleasure, love, radical empathy that can also happen through touch? Massage as the yes point for couples and the practice of massage as part of a culture within a relationship. The practice of sharing each other’s desires in a relationship and not taking no as a rejection. Creating micro-experiments as a couple to build foundational skills within the relationship. Honoring where you’re at and being present with yourself and/or relationship knowing that everything is a process and that there is no guarantee of the destination. Harnassing the erotic and how it grows your capacity to the experiences you want and the experiences that you have been practicing towards.

    Patreon supporters - head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast to hear my bonus chat with Chris!

    If you aren't a supporter, I'd love your financial support to help keep the show going. If you pledge $3 per month, you get access to exclusive weekly bonus content and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me field listener questions.

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Chris Maxwell Rose:

    I am a sex educator with over 15 years experience teaching individuals and groups about sexual health and pleasure.

    Together with my partner Charlotte, I co-founded PleasureMechanics.com in 2006, dedicated to sharing practical, down-to-earth information and techniques for more sexual pleasure.We have criss-crossed the nation teaching workshops on sex to audiences from 3 to 3,000. Our car has over 300,000 miles on it from our travels. Our work has reached individuals in over 60 countries.

    As The Pleasure Mechanics we have combined our body based expertise with game-changing cultural insights that provide a unique path to a happier, healthier and more pleasurable sexuality. Our online courses teach the techniques of sexual pleasure to men and women around the world, and our podcast offers hundreds of hours of free erotic education to anyone ready to expand their capacity for pleasure, love, arousal and connection.

    I have been working as an independent sex educator since graduating Vassar College with honors in 2003. Truly, I’ve been a sex educator since my childhood, when I discovered myself camped out in the library’s sexuality section and answering all my friend’s questions on the playground. I try to maintain the wide eyed curiosity of my youth as I distill what I have learned in my decade of hands-on sex education leadership.

    My highest commitment is helping to create a world where all men, women and couples have the information and tools to become sexually fulfilled. My work is dedicated to creating an end to the cycle of sexual violence and abuse.

    As a survivor of child sexual abuse and teenage sexual assault, I believe that the cycle of sexual violence is dependent on a culture of sexual shame, fear and silence. These toxic cycles can only be remedied by advocating for sexual wellness, freedom and pleasure. To this pleasurable end I have dedicated my creativity and leadership.

    I’d love to hear from you! Be In Touch.

    Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best

    Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

    Podcast Transcript can be found at sexgetsreal.com/ep270
  • LAST CALL

    The July cohort of Power in Pleasure starts July 21st, so this is the final week to register before it closes. You deserve pleasure. You deserve to honor your hunger. Your power is tied to your pleasure. Explore with us and learn more at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse. Sinclair Sexsmith and rife are here to talk 24/7 power exchange

    First up, you can hear me on two podcasts this week talking all about pleasure, bodies, and sex. I chatted with Chris Maxwell Rose of The Pleasure Mechanics all about pleasure, hunger, and the relationship between sex and food. I was also on Rebecca Scritchfield's podcast Body Kindness talking about sex as a social skill. Check them out!

    This conversation with Sinclair and rife is beautiful. They pull back the curtain on their relationship and let us take a peek at the ways they've grown into their dynamic of 24/7 Master/slave.

    We explore the ways that bringing conscious, deliberate negotiation to the ways we do relationship can create beautiful conditions for love, support and growth.

    Sinclair shares how they want to show more vulnerability as a Dominant, allowing room for growth, mistakes, and not knowing - the antithesis of how so many people see Domination.

    rife talks about their ultimate goal of creating a trust so deep and so strong that they can surrender all their boundaries and the long, slow process of how they're working in that direction.

    They also share some of the things they're holding around the language Master/slave and the legacy of those words within the white supremacy of the United States.

    I can't wait for you to hear this.

    Patreon supporters - head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast to hear my bonus chat with Sinclair and rife all about using kink to experience embodiment and how kink can be a part of healing trauma. If you aren't a supporter, I'd love your financial support to help keep the show going. If you pledge $3 per month, you get access to exclusive weekly bonus content and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me field listener questions.

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Sinclair Sexsmith and rife:

    Sinclair Sexsmith (they/them pronouns) is a writer, teacher, and performer studying sexualities, genders, relationships, and kink. Since 2006 they have produced the award-winning site Sugarbutch Chronicles at sugarbutch.net, detailing their personal adventures and in depth studies of how to be their best self. Their full-length collection of short stories, Sweet & Rough: Queer Kink Erotica is a finalist for the Lambda Literary Award in the erotica category (and they have copies of here at Bawdy, including an extra bonus story, “The Houseboy’s Rebellion”, on the USB ebook version). In addition, they were just awarded the National Leather Association John Preston short story award for their piece, “Awakening: Mistress Elise Winter & morgan.” Sinclair leads college workshops around the country, and teach puberty and sex ed to 4th through 8th graders around the Bay Area. They live in Oakland with their boy.

    rife is the property of Sinclair Sexsmith, and a genderqueer leather boy from Texas. He is the illustrator and co-creator of The GENDER Book, a fun, colorful, community-based resource. When not serving Master, he serves many other folks in the community through his graphic and web design small business rowdyferretdesign.com.

    Stay in touch with them and learn more about their courses and writing at the following links:

    dsplayground.com thegenderbook.com kinkopoly.com sugarbutch.net twitter.com/mrsexsmith Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best

    Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

    Podcast Transcript

    Can be found at sexgetsreal.com/ep269