Episodes

  • tl;dr Nurturance culture, rape culture, accountability, and boundaries with Nora Samaran.

    Don't miss the October cohort of Power in Pleasure, my 5-week online course dedicated to exploring your pleasure. Details are at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse. Enrollment closes soon!

    This week, I'm joined by Nora Samaran, author of the essay, "The Opposite of Rape Culture is Nurturance Culture" and the recently published book, Turn This World Inside Out: The Emergence of Nurturance Culture, out by AK Press. Grab the book here.

    Nora and I spent three hours chatting the day we recorded this episode, so needless to say there was a lot for us to unpack and explore.

    In the main episode for the show, we talk about nurturance culture, rape culture, raising the bar for the relationships we have and what it means to have relational responsibility, how our brains are wired for interdependence, attachment styles and how culturally we value avoidant attachment styles while vilifying anxious attachment styles.

    We dive into why there's so much heartbreak in swimming against the current of neoliberalism and capitalism when we prioritize interdependence, but also the richness available there.

    What does mutuality look like? What does care in our communities look like?

    Nora offers some beautiful examples of what it means for communities to protect people facing harm while honoring the humanity of the person or people causing the harm, and how we can be more accountable in ways that nurture us all. She calls it the 'double move' and it all starts with meeting the need without centering our own shame and guilt.

    Then, for Patreon, our bonus conversation is all about gaslighting. It's fantastic. Nora shares how the culture we live in lies to itself and creates fictions, why we are all so disconnected and dissociated, why when we're addressing patterns of gaslighting and harm it's not a "meet in the middle" thing, the neurology of gaslighting, and trauma bonding. If you want to hear it, it's for folks who support at $3 per month and above, and you can hear it at patreon.com/sgrpodcast.

    Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note using the contact form in the navigation above!

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Nora Samaran:

    Nora Samaran is a white settler from a working class immigrant background. She was a member of the No One is Illegal-Vancouver collective from 2005-2008, and the Media Democracy Day-Vancouver collective from 2008-2010. Her essay ‘The Opposite of Rape Culture is Nurturance Culture’ went viral in February 2016 and has grown into a book, Turn This World Inside Out, out with AK Press in June 2019. She teaches at Douglas College in Coast Salish Territories, also known as Vancouver, British Columbia.

    Check out Nora's interview on the Healing Justice podcast.

    If you join the Healing Justice podcast bookclub, there is a live webinar coming up, plus you can save 30% on the book!

    Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Tune in on Spotify. Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best

    Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

    Episode Transcript

    Episode transcripts are available at dawnserra.com/sexgetsrealpod

  • Radical love, resilient community, and never being discarded with Andy Izenson

    I am so excited to replay this episode with Andy Izenson.

    When it first aired, I received loads of emails as a response, and since I'm taking this week off to tend to me, it felt like a beautiful offering to tide you over until next week.

    I first saw Andy speak several years ago at a closing panel for Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit, and I was in awe. You'll see why when you tune into our rich conversation.

    After reaching out to Andy, asking if they'd like to talk about restorative and transformative justice as well as building resilient communities on the show, Andy also said they were thinking a lot about:

    -- the way orthodoxies of capitalism and scarcity infuse polyamorous community// polyamory should be inherently anti-capitalist -- the way the state is conspiring with your trauma -- disposability and anxiety and the fiction of moral purity -- resilience and bravery in sex and relationships -- what even is masculinity anyway

    RIGHT?!?!

    So, on this week's show, we talk about alternative justice, healing, building resilient relationships and communities, letting go of the fantasy of safety and why there are no good people, plus, we explore the power of anger, question what even is masculinity, and feel moved that the kids really will be alright.

    Patreon supporters - If you support the show at the $3 level and above, a new bonus is landing on Tuesday (so I can continue to take the weekend to rest). Listen and support the show at patreon.com/sgrpodcast

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. In this episode, Andy and I talk about: Andy’s take on restorative and transformative justice and how finding factors where the whole community can come together to heal is a form of radical love. The ways we've been taught to believe in good versus bad, heroes versus villains, and why that feeds our hunger for punishment and violence. But punishment doesn't heal wounds or create strong communities, so what's the alternative? The fantasy we have to let go of around punishment and banishment when someone does something harmful, and how safety is an illusion. Why we can banish all the "abusers" from the island if we expect to have community. Andy's definition for community and how we can start building that kind of fierce support in a tiny way. The power of our anger, and what happens when the people in our life can hold that anger with us. We also talk about how damn resilient relationships become when we're can fuck up and know we won't be abandoned or discarded. Cultivating resilience in interpersonal relationships and communities. Knowing how you want your community to be/look like and how it should be a space where you feel safe and supported. The hard work around radical love and that it’s not always rainbows and butterflies. It’s actually really hard work Masculinity: What it would be like if it was not toxic and infused with violent misogyny? What even is masculinity? Imagining a world that just accepts us as who we are and who we want to be, opens the question of whether or not we’ll have a different language for what we have now? The excitement and the honest truth that the kids are alright. They will be. Period. About Andy Izenson:

    Andy Izenson is an attorney with Diana Adams Law & Mediation, PLLC, and is a collaborative practitioner, mediator, and passionate advocate, working to reframe conflict through a compassionate and transformative lens. As a member of the National LGBT Bar Association’s Family Law Institute and the National Lawyers Guild NYC Chapter Executive Committee, Andy is tirelessly committed to support for queer community and families as well as to a radical, anti-assimilationist politic.

    You can find Andy on Twitter @AndyEyeballs, join the Diana Adams Law newsletter, or email Andy about speaking at your institution at andy.izenson at gmail dot com.

    Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best

    Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

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  • tl;dr Why coming forward about sexual assault doesn't "ruin" lives, what to do when you're deeply ashamed of masturbation, & does loving penises make a straight man gay?

    News!

    The October Cohort of my 5-week online course, Power in Pleasure, is enrolling NOW. We kick off Sunday, October 14th and it's going to be amazing. Learn more and enroll here: dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse (it costs as much as a single coaching session but includes six live calls and five weeks of daily emails bursting with powerful prompts and questions). Join us!

    This week, it's me and you!

    First up, I share a fascinating and crucial thread by Nicole Bedera on why rape allegations do not "ruin" lives. Grab the link to read it and share it here.

    This is such a relevant conversation, and pairs perfectly with an awesome post that made the rounds this week by Jennifer Michelle Greenberg. You can check it out along with my thoughts here.

    In short, speaking your truth about abuse and harm does not ruin lives and we all have a responsibility to take more action around instances of harm. This is not an individual problem but a communal and collective one.

    Then, I field your emails.

    Libby wanted to share some feedback and thanks, which felt amazing to receive.

    From Help Me to Help Myself wrote in because they feel extreme shame around masturbating and don't know what to do. They experienced abuse and were raised in a very sex negative and Christian household, so masturbation feels complicated. How can they change their relationship with self-pleasure?

    Finally, Brian is worried his fetish means something about his sexuality. You see, he is straight, but he has a fetish for penises and semen, especially around performing oral on a trans person. So what does it all mean and where did this come from?

    I do a deep dive into genitals, identity, and sexuality. I also want all of us to check out three articles about sex with trans women. Head to dawnserra.com/ep279 for those links.

    Finally, Patrons, this week's bonus will be a short reading and meditation with some journal prompts about masturbation and our pleasure stories. If you support the show at $3 per month, you can get access at patreon.com/sgrpodcast. If you want to help me answer listener questions, the $5 level is for you. Your support means so much!

    Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note using the contact form in the navigation above!

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Dawn Serra:

    What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

    Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best

    Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

    Episode Transcript

    Coming soon at dawnserra.com/ep279


  • Anne Hodder-Shipp joins us to talk sex ed, entitlement in relationships, and sex after recovery and while sober.

    News!

    If you could use some support around your relationship to your body, to pleasure, to sex and desire, I have a few spots available for in-person coaching in Vancouver and in my online virtual practice. Check out the Work With Me page for details. Patreon supporters - Anne and I spent some time recording a special bonus chat for you all about dream work and sex dreams. Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast to hear. If you don't yet support the show, $3 per month gets you weekly bonus content you can't find anywhere else.

    This week, I'm joined by Anne Hodder-Shipp, an experienced and no bullshit sex educator who does incredible work on the front lines of sex education and behind-the-scenes helping with the marketing and promotion of many popular brands you likely know.

    We dive into the importance of authenticity in dating and relationships, why being in a relationship does not entitle you to your partner's body and the steps you can take if you've behaved that way in the past, Anne's awesome new sex education certification program through EDSE (there's a new course in November - if you're interested, SIGN-UP NOW!), and the complexities of sex when you're in recovery or newly sober.

    Anne also shares how natural dreamwork, a way to get in touch with your emotions, helped her doing some healing work.

    Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note using the contact form in the navigation above!

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Anne Hodder-Shipp:

    Anne Hodder-Shipp, ACS, (she/her) is a multi-certified sex and relationships educator with professional training in breathwork and holistic dreamwork. She boasts a unique understanding of age-appropriate sex education, trauma-informed healing, critical thinking, and emotional intelligence, and she brings a fun, friendly and sex-positive facilitation style to every session, group or event she hosts. Utilizing a non-judgmental and no-b.s. approach, Anne happily helps clients of all ages, experience levels and lifestyles heal, learn and grow. In addition to her private practice and public workshops, Anne is the founder of and lead educator at Everyone Deserves Sex Education (EDSE), and also leads treatment groups for clients recovering from substance use disorder, eating disorders, compulsive sexual behavior and other stigmatized illnesses.

    Private practice: https://annehoddershipp.com
    EDSE Certification:
    https://everyonedeservessexed.com/certification
    Instagram + Twitter: @theannehodder

    Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best

    Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

    Episode Transcript

    Head to dawnserra.com/ep278 for the transcript.

  • tl;dr Creating community memories of abuse, why giving advice is a double-edged sword, attending ACA meetings, and wanting to cuckquean when you have trauma and no body confidence. News! Save 40% off your first subscription with LOLA and your pads, tampons, wipes, condoms, and more can be discreetly delivered right to your door on YOUR schedule. They are generously sponsoring this episode. Listeners save 40% when they go to mylola.com and use promo code SGR at checkout. First up, I want your questions! I zoomed through so many of your amazing stories and emails this summer, that I'd love to hear more from you as I line up the podcast for the fall. Where are you struggling around sex, love, pleasure, and bodies? What would you love to know more about? How can I support you around the places that feel tender and confusing? Email me at info at sexgetsreal dot com or using the contact form which is linked at the top of the page. This week we kick off by exploring a few interesting posts I came across. One that's a few years old by Ferrett Steinmetz on the dangers of giving advice. Grab the link at sexgetsreal.com/ep277. Another is this amazing community memory that's meant to help a DC antifacist activist community remember some harmful behavior one particular individual has been engaging in. Is there potential for other communities to create similar memories as a way to foster accountability and change? Check out the piece and share it widely by heading to sexgetsreal.com/ep277. We are diving into two questions this week. The first is Ana Banana who wants to know what I think of going to ACA meetings (Adult Children of Alcoholics). I explore the power of community to heal and also some of the dangers of placing all the blame on individuals. Next is a question from Confused Quean on how to be a cuckquean while having deep body trauma and self-image issues. I posed this question to Patreon, and a few folks help share their ideas and perspective. Did you know you can support the show? Every single dollar means so much, and if you'd like to toss a few my way to help keep the show going, head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast. If you support at $3 and above each month, you get exclusive weekly content you can't find anywhere else and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me answer listener questions. Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note using the contact form in the navigation above! Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra: What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives. In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence. It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous) Episode Transcript Coming soon at sexgetsreal.com/ep277

  • News!

    I am on episode 4.2 of the Secret Feminist Agenda podcast. Tune in as I talk all about the Sex Gets Real podcast, how I got into this work, and much more. Save 40% off your first subscription with LOLA and your pads, tampons, wipes, condoms, and more can be discreetly delivered right to your door on YOUR schedule. They are generously sponsoring this episode. Listeners save 40% when they go to mylola.com and use promo code SGR at checkout.

    First up, I want your questions! I zoomed through so many of your amazing stories and emails this summer, that I'd love to hear more from you as I line up the podcast for the fall.

    Where are you struggling around sex, love, pleasure, and bodies? What would you love to know more about? How can I support you around the places that feel tender and confusing?

    Email me at info at sexgetsreal dot com or using the contact form which is linked at the top of the page.

    I'd also love more of your love notes about the ways people in your life make you feel appreciated and loved. It's so sweet having these little rituals to share with everyone. Send yours over whether it's something a lover, spouse, friend, coworker, neighbor, child, or community member does. Love is love!

    On to your emails.

    Mare is struggling because she betrayed her partner. He didn't want to open their relationship and she did, so she betrayed their agreement and now things are terrible. She feels guilty and ashamed, and wants some thoughts on the whole situation.

    Anonymous Girl has always considered herself to be straight, but she's getting bored of sex with men, and is starting to feel really curious about sex with people of other genders. Should she go for it? And how?

    Finally, Sydney Faith Rose recently wrote something amazing about how many women are talking about their anxious attachment, but how maybe instead of seeing it as something to fix, it's instead a huge sign that there are very good reasons to be anxious right now.

    I explore some of the limitations of attachment theory and offer some questions for us all to sit with.

    Did you know you can support the show? Every single dollar means so much, and if you'd like to toss a few my way to help keep the show going, head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast.

    If you support at $3 and above each month, you get exclusive weekly content you can't find anywhere else and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me answer listener questions.

    This week there are TWO bonus episodes because last week's had an issue. One bonus is all about a partner who lied about getting STI testing done which has put their whole polycule at risk. The other bonus episode is about arousal and whether a desire to be penetrated or not is the sign of full arousal for a vulva owner.

    Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note!

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra:

    What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

    In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

    It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

    Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best

    Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

    Episode Transcript

    Available at sexgetsreal.com/ep276

  • News!

    I am going to be on Secret Feminist Agenda podcast. The episode drops Friday, August 30, 2019 and if you haven't checked out this rad podcast yet, do it here. The next cohort of Power in Pleasure starts October 14th and enrollment is now open. If you'd like to learn more and join in this rich exploration of pleasure, hunger, and desire, head to dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse.

    To get us started, I came across two threads all about love and the simple ways we care for each other.

    I'd love to hear from you one the little things people in your life do that make you feel loved and what made you think "yeah, I want this human in my life for awhile". Platonic, creative, sexual, romantic - it doesn't matter. Let's start a love fest. Email me with your story!

    I also want to take some time to share that a porn performer named Rooster has come forward about abuse they experienced on the set of an Erika Lust film by guest director Olympia de G.

    I share some thoughts on how we can do better around accountability and complexity, but I think the most important thing is hearing from Rooster and centering their experience.

    On to your emails.

    Kate's boyfriend has a coworker who is pretty disrespectful with boundaries, but despite that, had an initially shitty situation turn into something super sexy and fun. Go Kate!

    Next up, Elizabeth has just recently started dating a couple. Things are going great, but the woman asked Elizabeth not to wear crop tops around their daughter and Elizabeth isn't sure if she's being shamed or not for her clothing. What gives?

    Finally, CassyBoBassy is curious about body trust. As someone who struggled with dieting and a family who vilified fat bodies, Cassy is starting to see there might be another way to experience pleasure and break-up with shame, but what does it mean to trust your body and how can she feel less lost?

    Grab all the links and resources mentioned in this episode at sexgetsreal.com/ep275.

    Did you know you can support the show? Every single dollar means so much, and if you'd like to toss a few my way to help keep the show going, head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast.

    If you support at $3 and above each month, you get exclusive weekly content you can't find anywhere else and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me answer listener questions.

    Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note!

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra:

    What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

    In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

    It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

    Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best

    Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

    Episode Transcript

    Find it at sexgetsreal.com/ep275

  • News!

    I am now taking in-person clients in my coaching practice. If you're in the Vancouver area, I will working out of Allura Sex Therapy Centre on Fridays. Head to dawnserra.com to reach out to me if you're interested in grabbing a spot. The next cohort of Power in Pleasure starts October 14th and enrollment is now open. If you'd like to learn more and join in this rich exploration of pleasure, hunger, and desire, head to dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse.

    This week's episode is all about you and your questions.

    First up, there have been updates on #polyamorysmetoo and I wanted to pass those along. Head to sexgetsreal.com/ep274 for all the links you need.

    You can also check out the @bodyimage_therapists's post on restriction here, and you can follow Ashlee if changing your relationship with food and body is something you're working on.

    After sharing some passages from Nora Samaran's "Turn This World Inside Out", it's time to jump into your emails.

    Chelsea wrote in because she is going to her first dungeon warehouse party. Is it safe to go as a single straight woman? And what should she wear?

    Amy has been with her husband for 8 years and early in their relationship, she had one month where she had mindblowing ecstastic orgasms and then they disappeared as quietly as they arrived. What happened? Is it normal? And why?

    Lady Shyzune experienced some trauma in some messy relationships with loved ones, and is finally coming out the other side with healthier boundaries and more support. How can people avoid the messy traps she fell into?

    You can check out Dr. Chris Hoff's piece on the myth of codependency by heading to sexgetsreal.com/ep274 for the link.

    Did you know you can support the show? Every single dollar means so much, and if you'd like to toss a few my way to help keep the show going, head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast.

    If you support at $3 and above each month, you get exclusive weekly content you can't find anywhere else and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me answer listener questions.

    Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note!

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra:

    What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

    In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

    It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

    Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best

    Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

    Episode Transcript

    Head to sexgetsreal.com/ep274 for the transcript.

  • News!

    GET YOUR PRESCRIPTION FEE WAIVED at Simple Health if you'd like to try their online access for birth control and automatic subscription service with free shipping. Complete your health profile at simplehealth.com/sgr or use code SGR at checkout to get that $20 annual prescription fee waived and to get your birth control mailed to your door. I am now taking in-person clients in my coaching practice. If you're in the Vancouver area, I will working out of Allura Sex Therapy Centre on Fridays. Head to dawnserra.com to reach out to me if you're interested in grabbing a spot. The next cohort of Power in Pleasure starts October 14th and enrollment is now open. If you'd like to learn more and join in this rich exploration of pleasure, hunger, and desire, head to dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse.

    This week's episode is all about you and your questions.

    I got two follow-up emails, both from people whose questions were featured in episode 271. It was great to hear from both of them, and I share a little about what I hope each of you takes from the answers I offer on this show.

    Crushing wrote in because they are married and love their spouse, but they are having some kind of crush on a new co-worker. What is this? What do they do? And can they give this person a gift before they leave this job?

    Crushes are totally normal, and there are so many kinds of crushes! Friend crushes, admiration crushes, appreciation crushes, sexual crushes, and many more. It sounds like Crushing is having a friend crush, but let's talk about crushes and how we can all enjoy them and validate those feelings without being out of alignment with our values.

    Tina wants to know if I have a recommended book list and Tina is in LUCK!

    You can get the official Sex Gets Real Recommended Reading List full of all my favorite and most recommended books at sexgetsreal.com/books. Fill in your info and you'll get immediate access to that list of awesome books.

    Grab the rest of the links and books I mention at sexgetsreal.com/ep273

    Anonymous wrote in because they are unable to voice their feelings or speak about their arousal with their amazing and supportive partner. In fact, they called themself a "relationship mute". How can they find their voice?

    I offer loads of suggestions including working with Tea & Empathy cards (I have a few dozen decks available for sale if you'd like one, hit me up via email or on Facebook - I'm selling them at cost which is $35 + shipping), Betty Martin's 3-minute game which you hear all about in my chat with her for Explore More 2017 or on her website here, plus several other little tips and things to consider.

    Did you know you can support the show? Every single dollar means so much, and if you'd like to toss a few my way to help keep the show going, head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast.

    If you support at $3 and above each month, you get exclusive weekly content you can't find anywhere else and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me answer listener questions.

    Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note!

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra:

    What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

    In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

    It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

    Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best

    Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

    Episode Transcript

    Available at sexgetsreal.com/ep273

  • Before we jump into my conversation with Tristan, I want to take a few moments to share an important piece called:

    Dildon’t Disrespect Black Femmes: Our Personal Experiences With Wild Flower Sex Shop

    This piece, written collectively by Ev'Yan Whitney, Ashleigh, Karmenife, La'Shaunae, VenusCuffs, and Cameron Glover, is an important account of ongoing exploitation and abuse that these Black Femmes experienced at the hands of Wildflower Sex shop.

    It's also an important invitation to us all to think about who we critique and who we harm when we take "ethical" stances against certain companies or practices, especially that ultimately then benefit our own interests.

    You can read Tristan Taormino's additional thoughts about the sexuality field and the ways work in this field continues to be devalued and exploited, particularly for people of color and other people who are marginalized.

    We must all do better. This impacts our abilities to be present with each other. This impacts our abilities to be in our bodies, experiencing pleasure, building a most just world. It matters.

    Read these accounts by Ev'Yan, Ashleigh, Karmenife, La'Shaunae, Venus Cuffs, and Cameron and take a few moments to reflect.

    Tristan is here this week! And it's EPIC.

    Oh how I love chatting with Tristan. And you're about to hear why - we GO places in this 90 minute conversation of lusciousness.

    It all started when I asked Tristan to come on the show to tell us about her ultra personal new memoir which dives deep into her childhood, growing up with a gay dad, losing him to AIDS, and even part of a memoir her dad wrote about his life. In fact, if you want to read snippets and get exclusive updates, support Tristan's Patreon: patreon.com/tristantaormino

    But, in this episode we also talk about fat phobia, changing and aging bodies, capitalism, white supremacy, the sexuality field, and much much more.

    I can't WAIT for you to hear it all.

    Patreon supporters - head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast to hear my bonus chat with Tristan. We talk about the ethics of triangulation in poly relationships courtesy of a listener question!

    If you aren't a supporter, I'd love your financial support to help keep the show going. If you pledge $3 per month, you get access to exclusive weekly bonus content and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me field listener questions.

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best

    Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

    Podcast Transcript

    Find it at sexgetsreal.com/ep272

  • News!

    I am now taking in-person clients in my coaching practice. If you're in the Vancouver area, I will working out of Allura Sex Therapy Centre on Fridays. Head to dawnserra.com to reach out to me if you're interested in grabbing a spot. The next cohort of Power in Pleasure starts October 14th and enrollment is now open. If you'd like to learn more and join in this rich exploration of pleasure, hunger, and desire, head to dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse.

    It's you and me this week because I have so many amazing questions from you that I wanted to answer a few before next week's epic episode with Tristan Taormino.

    So what's on tap for this week?

    Teacup Half Full wrote in because she is engaged to an amazing man named George. He makes her so happy. But she also has an ex from the past who has come back into her life and he has declared that he wants to leave his fiancé to be with her. She loves them both. What can she do?

    I shared this question in Patreon for patrons who support at $5 and above, and Katie weighed in with her thoughts.

    Part of what I think Teacup Half Full needs to evaluate is her relationship values, how she wants to be in relationship, and then evaluate her relationship with these two men to see what she notices about what feels right. The secret keeping from both her fiancé George and the ex's fiancé needs to be addressed.

    Next, Ashamed AF Amy is struggling because Amy feels deeply ashamed of her genitals. She's been thinking about surgery because she feels broken and ugly. In fact, the first person she slept with shamed her and refused to go down on her.

    Again, I posed this question in Patreon, and Hawthorn and Katie shared their thoughts. Among the things they offered, they also shared the following resources for learning more about the vast and extraordinary variation in how vulva look.

    Check out:

    The Labia Library

    The Vulva Gallery

    Laura Dodsworth's 100 Vagina's project

    Joani Blank's book Femalia

    I want for more of us, all of us regardless of gender, to check out these resources. To see the huge variety in how vulvas shape themselves - none is wrong or ugly, they're simply different and unique. We don't get a chance to see much genitalia outside of porn, and that can leave us feeling like there's something wrong.

    Am Me wrote in because their friend is sexually attracted to fat bodies. How can they find resources around that?

    Let's normalize finding fat bodies hot! Because fat bodies can be SOOOO sexy - all those soft places, sensitive places, and yummy places to get lost in.

    Let's also talk about the difference between finding something sexy versus objectifying or fetishizing someone.

    Finally, Violeta is struggling because she is from Mexico and the person she is falling for is in the U.S. Is there any hope for love across this border, especially considering the current political climate? What can she do? Everything feels so sad.

    This is the reality of racism, xenophobia, and all of the bullshit propaganda U.S. citizens have been fed forever about fearing those from Mexico, Central, and South America. The violence is having a real impact on so many people, not just those crossing the border.

    Did you know you can support the show? Every single dollar means so much, and if you'd like to toss a few my way to help keep the show going, head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast.

    If you support at $3 and above each month, you get exclusive weekly content you can't find anywhere else and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me answer listener questions.

    Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note!

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra:

    What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

    In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

    It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

    Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best

    Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

    Episode Transcript

    Head to sexgetsreal.com/ep271 to grab it.

  • LAST CALL

    The July cohort of Power in Pleasure starts July 21st, so this is the final DAY to register before it closes. You deserve pleasure. You deserve to honor your hunger. Your power is tied to your pleasure. Explore with us and learn more at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse. Touch. The erotic. And healing.

    Chris Maxwell Rose is here from The Pleasure Mechanics and we geek out about touch, changing bodies and how our relationship with the erotic changes over time, touch hunger, and much much more.

    The Pleasure Mechanics have a bunch of fantastic online courses, so if you want to check those out this is my affiliate link.

    A few of the things we discuss include:

    The many touch stones that we have in our life that help us stay grounded and connected to ourselves, our body, and to the people we care about. What does saying yes to connection and touch mean? How do we explore our erotic selves with tenderness, longing, and hunger instead of fear, vulnerability, and terror? Chris shares their experience with mindfulness and being present, and how this practice can help us be more present during sex. Bringing erotic awareness into our daily lives and how skills based practice plays an important role in it. Reverence and how we can turn our attention to the small and minute things of everyday and savour in those moments. The different stories around touch, what touch hunger means, receiving touch, and to what degree is affectionate touch tied up to sex. What happens if touch is something that you’re not hungry for? How can we still practice this skill? The violence and harm that can come in how we touch one another and how do we practice the pleasure, love, radical empathy that can also happen through touch? Massage as the yes point for couples and the practice of massage as part of a culture within a relationship. The practice of sharing each other’s desires in a relationship and not taking no as a rejection. Creating micro-experiments as a couple to build foundational skills within the relationship. Honoring where you’re at and being present with yourself and/or relationship knowing that everything is a process and that there is no guarantee of the destination. Harnassing the erotic and how it grows your capacity to the experiences you want and the experiences that you have been practicing towards.

    Patreon supporters - head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast to hear my bonus chat with Chris!

    If you aren't a supporter, I'd love your financial support to help keep the show going. If you pledge $3 per month, you get access to exclusive weekly bonus content and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me field listener questions.

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Chris Maxwell Rose:

    I am a sex educator with over 15 years experience teaching individuals and groups about sexual health and pleasure.

    Together with my partner Charlotte, I co-founded PleasureMechanics.com in 2006, dedicated to sharing practical, down-to-earth information and techniques for more sexual pleasure.We have criss-crossed the nation teaching workshops on sex to audiences from 3 to 3,000. Our car has over 300,000 miles on it from our travels. Our work has reached individuals in over 60 countries.

    As The Pleasure Mechanics we have combined our body based expertise with game-changing cultural insights that provide a unique path to a happier, healthier and more pleasurable sexuality. Our online courses teach the techniques of sexual pleasure to men and women around the world, and our podcast offers hundreds of hours of free erotic education to anyone ready to expand their capacity for pleasure, love, arousal and connection.

    I have been working as an independent sex educator since graduating Vassar College with honors in 2003. Truly, I’ve been a sex educator since my childhood, when I discovered myself camped out in the library’s sexuality section and answering all my friend’s questions on the playground. I try to maintain the wide eyed curiosity of my youth as I distill what I have learned in my decade of hands-on sex education leadership.

    My highest commitment is helping to create a world where all men, women and couples have the information and tools to become sexually fulfilled. My work is dedicated to creating an end to the cycle of sexual violence and abuse.

    As a survivor of child sexual abuse and teenage sexual assault, I believe that the cycle of sexual violence is dependent on a culture of sexual shame, fear and silence. These toxic cycles can only be remedied by advocating for sexual wellness, freedom and pleasure. To this pleasurable end I have dedicated my creativity and leadership.

    I’d love to hear from you! Be In Touch.

    Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best

    Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

    Podcast Transcript can be found at sexgetsreal.com/ep270
  • LAST CALL

    The July cohort of Power in Pleasure starts July 21st, so this is the final week to register before it closes. You deserve pleasure. You deserve to honor your hunger. Your power is tied to your pleasure. Explore with us and learn more at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse. Sinclair Sexsmith and rife are here to talk 24/7 power exchange

    First up, you can hear me on two podcasts this week talking all about pleasure, bodies, and sex. I chatted with Chris Maxwell Rose of The Pleasure Mechanics all about pleasure, hunger, and the relationship between sex and food. I was also on Rebecca Scritchfield's podcast Body Kindness talking about sex as a social skill. Check them out!

    This conversation with Sinclair and rife is beautiful. They pull back the curtain on their relationship and let us take a peek at the ways they've grown into their dynamic of 24/7 Master/slave.

    We explore the ways that bringing conscious, deliberate negotiation to the ways we do relationship can create beautiful conditions for love, support and growth.

    Sinclair shares how they want to show more vulnerability as a Dominant, allowing room for growth, mistakes, and not knowing - the antithesis of how so many people see Domination.

    rife talks about their ultimate goal of creating a trust so deep and so strong that they can surrender all their boundaries and the long, slow process of how they're working in that direction.

    They also share some of the things they're holding around the language Master/slave and the legacy of those words within the white supremacy of the United States.

    I can't wait for you to hear this.

    Patreon supporters - head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast to hear my bonus chat with Sinclair and rife all about using kink to experience embodiment and how kink can be a part of healing trauma. If you aren't a supporter, I'd love your financial support to help keep the show going. If you pledge $3 per month, you get access to exclusive weekly bonus content and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me field listener questions.

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Sinclair Sexsmith and rife:

    Sinclair Sexsmith (they/them pronouns) is a writer, teacher, and performer studying sexualities, genders, relationships, and kink. Since 2006 they have produced the award-winning site Sugarbutch Chronicles at sugarbutch.net, detailing their personal adventures and in depth studies of how to be their best self. Their full-length collection of short stories, Sweet & Rough: Queer Kink Erotica is a finalist for the Lambda Literary Award in the erotica category (and they have copies of here at Bawdy, including an extra bonus story, “The Houseboy’s Rebellion”, on the USB ebook version). In addition, they were just awarded the National Leather Association John Preston short story award for their piece, “Awakening: Mistress Elise Winter & morgan.” Sinclair leads college workshops around the country, and teach puberty and sex ed to 4th through 8th graders around the Bay Area. They live in Oakland with their boy.

    rife is the property of Sinclair Sexsmith, and a genderqueer leather boy from Texas. He is the illustrator and co-creator of The GENDER Book, a fun, colorful, community-based resource. When not serving Master, he serves many other folks in the community through his graphic and web design small business rowdyferretdesign.com.

    Stay in touch with them and learn more about their courses and writing at the following links:

    dsplayground.com thegenderbook.com kinkopoly.com sugarbutch.net twitter.com/mrsexsmith Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best

    Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

    Podcast Transcript

    Can be found at sexgetsreal.com/ep269

  • Your pleasure matters.

    Join the July cohort of my 5-week online Power in Pleasure course. Check out details and enroll at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse.

    Welcome to this week's episode, it's a very special treat, but first!

    Did you know you can support the show? You can, on Patreon. The show is entirely self-funded, so every single dollar makes a huge difference for me. If you support at $3 and above each month, you get exclusive weekly content you can't find anywhere else and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me answer listener questions. This week's bonus is my chat with Adiposivity's founder Substantia Jones for the Explore More Bodies summit. We talk all about her project of photographing fat, naked bodies all around the world. Don't miss it! Head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast to support the show and get your bonus access.

    So, for this week's episode, in the spirit of treating myself to a vacation and working as little as possible (thank you to the person who emailed me and said I deserve a break - it felt so great to receive that support), this week's episode is my chat with Meg-John Barker from the very first Explore More Summit.

    Meg-John is someone I have learned SO much from and I adore their curious, compassionate approach to mental health, gender, love, and relationship. If you haven't checked out their awesome books, including one of my favorites "Rewriting the Rules", you can learn more about them here.

    In this interview, we talk about the ways we define love and how rigid it is, how we can find new ways to love and be in relationship, the romanticism and idea of The One that sets us up for a ton of distress, more expansive ways to approach happiness and love in our lives, self-criticism and intense emotions, and how we can begin healing and learning ways to navigate it all.

    Also, that book I mentioned, "Turn This World Inside Out" by Nora Samaran is recently out by AK Press, and you can grab your copy here.

    I'll be back next week with loads of your questions, so stay tuned! Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note!

    Grab the full episode transcript at sexgetsreal.com/ep268

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra:

    What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

    In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

    It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

    Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best

    Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

  • FULL TRANSCRIPT AT sexgetsreal.com/ep267

    Your pleasure matters.

    Join the July cohort of my 5-week online Power in Pleasure course. Check out details and enroll at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse.

    Welcome to this week's episode, full of your questions and some thoughts and questions I have in response.

    First up, a few years ago, Jasmine Kyon wrote an essay about why coming out is not the best option as the child of an immigrant family and how often the coming out narrative is white-centric and cis-centric. It's beautiful and important. Check it out here.

    Then, several of your awesome questions.

    Brooke struggled with wanting sex as she grappled with disordered eating, but now she's feeling more herself and she wants to explore more sexual things with her boyfriend. The problem? He never initiates and she doesn't want to have to be the one to always get things going. What can she do to honor this yummy horniness?

    Laura met her husband when she was 18 and they've been happily married for many years. He's an amazing husband and dad. The problem? She feels like she missed out by not having other experiences - especially when her friends share stories of old boyfriends and sexual escapades. All she can do is listen. Is the grass really greener? Is she missing out by only ever having had one sexual partner? Is this the culture or is it her?

    I love this question and we have a lot to explore here.

    Next up, find out why someone recently wrote this to me: “TAKE THE COURSE. You may think you're in touch with yourself and your desires, but this course opens your eyes to things deep within your soul that you didn't know existed. You will feel rejuvenated and insightful after each daily unit. The group chats each week provide beautiful perspective from others going on the journey with you. You won't regret signing up for this.”

    Finally, Paula is thinking about becoming a sex educator for the Hispanic community. She wants to know how I got started learning about sexuality and how she might get started herself.

    Hear where I got my start and why volunteering and being on the front lines of people's complex, messy, real lives is so important if you want to go into sex education.

    Patreon supporters, this week you get exclusive access to a funny exploration of sexual injuries, inspired by an article I recently read - and I want to hear YOUR sexual injuries. If you don't yet support the show, even $1 means so much. If you support at $3 per month and above, you get access to weekly exclusive content (and there's a huge backlog at this point!). Support at $5 per month and above and help me field listener questions. Details and bonuses are at patreon.com/sgrpodcast.

    That's it for this week's episode. Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note!

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra:

    What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

    In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

    It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

    Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best

    Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

  • Your pleasure matters.

    Join the July cohort of my 5-week online Power in Pleasure course. Check out details and enroll at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse.

    My chat with Sinclair Sexsmith and rife got postposed, so this week's episode is just me and you.

    First up, I share about three new articles/resources that came across my feed this week. Head to sexgetsreal.com/ep266 for all of the links mentioned in the episode.

    Then, we dive into two important questions from listeners just like you.

    Peter is a cis man who is a virgin. He has been listening to older episodes of the show and was confused by a conversation I had with a Dirty Lola in response to a cis woman who was a virgin asking about boundaries. Peter feels he shouldn't have boundaries if he ever meets someone who is willing to have sex with him in order to actually, well, have sex. Should he have boundaries or not?

    I offer feedback all about the importance of boundaries not only for our own pleasure but as a way to build trust with potential partners and because consent requires us to openly communicate our needs so that others can choose for themselves based on as much information as possible.

    Then, Allison is thinking about becoming a sex educator and wants to know what programs I recommend. Gosh, do I have thoughts!

    Because I get this question all the time, I share my thoughts about how most programs won't really meet anyone's needs if they want to become a sex educator and what I do see as the future of this field and what I think it will take to be a part of where we're going rather than where we've been.

    Patreon supporters, this week you get exclusive access to my hour long and very intimate conversation with Isabel Abbott from Explore More Summit 2019. It's MAGICAL. If you don't yet support the show, even $1 means so much. If you support at $3 per month and above, you get access to weekly exclusive content (and there's a huge backlog at this point!). Support at $5 per month and above and help me field listener questions. Details and bonuses are at patreon.com/sgrpodcast.

    That's it for this week's episode. Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note!

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra:

    What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

    In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

    It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

    Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best

    Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

  • Your pleasure matters.

    Join the July cohort of my 5-week online Power in Pleasure course. Check out details and enroll at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse.

    This week's episode is just me and you.

    First, I get on a soapbox about the bullshit that is "straight pride" and how it's really just like white pride and men's rights activists. We've got to call this stuff out and do better.

    Listener Rick wrote in to share some changes he's experienced in pleasure since really listening to his wife. AMAZING!

    Next up, Confused Cookie has a problem. The love of her life keeps breaking their agreements and lying to her. This is not what ethical non-monogamy or polyamory are about, folks. If someone is breaking agreements, hiding things, and lying, that's unethical regardless of the dynamic. CC deserves so much better and I have suggestions for what to do next (*cough* leave him *cough*).

    Chuch has been having this new, bizarre sexual energy with a person in his life that isn't lustful, but definitely exciting. What is it and what are my thoughts, he wants to know?

    Will is 74 years old and he's started posing as a 20-something lesbian in an online golf game he's been playing. It's just for fun, but he isn't sure if he should tell his wife or not.

    Finally, @homebodytherapy on Instagram shared a powerful post about diet culture and our body's response to restriction. It ties so heavily to why so many of us struggle with pleasure. Let's explore it a bit.

    Patreon supporters, this week we're talking about sex abuse inside of marriage and committed relationships based on a Vox piece that recently resurfaced. If you don't yet support the show, every $1 means so much. If you support at $3 per month and above, you get access to weekly exclusive content (and there's a huge backlog at this point!). Support at $5 per month and above and help me field listener questions. Details and bonuses are at patreon.com/sgrpodcast.

    That's it for this week's episode. Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note!

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra:

    What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

    In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

    It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

    Listen and subscribe to Sex Gets Real Listen and subscribe on iTunes Check us out on Stitcher Don't forget about I Heart Radio's Spreaker Pop over to Google Play Use the player at the top of this page. Now available on Spotify. Search for "sex gets real". Find the Sex Gets Real channel on IHeartRadio. Hearing from you is the best

    Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)

  • Your pleasure matters.

    Join the July cohort of my 5-week online Power in Pleasure course. Check out details and enroll at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse.

    This week's episode is just me and you.

    First up, some updates from the survivor pod around Franklin Veaux and hearing from more of the women. Definitely check out polyamory-metoo.com and Aida Manduley's twitter thread for some good stuff. You can also check out the Reddit thread with the comments I read here.

    Centering the stories and experiences of the women Franklin harmed is the most important thing, so if you do check out the updates from Franklin's folks, just remember that so far none of their updates have been from folks who understand trauma-informed work or alternative justice processes. They're actually quite harmful.

    Patreon supporters, this week I'm watching the new Vex Ashley and Four Chambered Heart erotic film and narrating what I see. It's fun and silly and by request. If you don't yet support the show, every $1 means so much. If you support at $3 per month and above, you get access to weekly exclusive content (and there's a huge backlog at this point!). Suppor at $5 per month and above and help me field listener questions. Details and bonuses are at patreon.com/sgrpodcast.

    If you want to check out the article on incels and plastic surgery, I mentioned. You can check that out on The Cut.

    Now on to your questions!

    Alyssa wrote in because her fiancé won't talk during sex, but Alyssa thinks talking during sex would be super hot. How can she encourage him to talk more?

    Talking during sex can be super hot and super fun, and it can also make pleasure really difficult for some folks. Let's explore that dance of needs together.

    Fabulously Fem emailed me asking to hear more about cross dressing on the show and if I think dolls are ethical.

    I promise to have a crossdressing expert join us soon, but in the meantime you might want to check out Kink Academy's awesome videos on crossdressing for those who are interested.

    That's it for this week's episode. Have questions of your own you'd like featured on the show? Send me a note!

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook and Dawn is on Instagram. About Host Dawn Serra:

    What if everything you’ve been taught about relationships, about your body, about sex is wrong? My name is Dawn Serra and I dare to ask scary questions that might lead us all towards a deeper, more connected experience of our lives.

    In addition to being the host of the weekly podcast, Sex Gets Real, the creator of the online conference Explore More, I also work one-on-one with clients who are feeling stuck, confused, or disappointed with the ways they experience desire, love, and confidence.

    It’s not all work, though. In my spare time, you can find me adventuring with my husband, cuddling my cats as I read a YA novel, or obsessing over MasterChef Australia.

  • Want to work with me?

    Join the July cohort of the Power in Pleasure course. Check out details and pre-enroll at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse. My coaching practice has a few new spots available. If you could use support around the places where you feel most stuck, I'd love to support you. Details about my coaching practice are here: dawnserra.com/work-with-me . In a Sex Gets Real first, this episode is Part Three of a THREE part series featuring Eve Rickert, Samantha Manewitz, and Aida Manduley.

    This episode is my conversation with therapist Aida Manduley. In it, we are building on the previous two episodes which included a conversation with Eve Rickert and Samantha Manewitz as we explore emotional abuse, accountability, and different ways of being in community with each other.

    Aida has been a part of several transformative justice processes and has tremendous perspective around how we can center those harmed without throwing out those who caused the harm. We also talk about how white supremacy impacts the ways we show up in life, the false promises made to cis men, and why grief work is crucial to alternative justice practices and accountability.

    We dive into why communities are where we should start when we're considering how harm happened in the first place and why we all need to adjust our expectations for how long these processes take. It's not a superhero movie where everything is resolved with one fell swoop.

    I cannot wait for you to hear this awesome conversation, and as noted in the other episodes, your financial help for the survivor pod would mean so much. Resources mentioned in this episode include:

    Initial statement on February 11th Update on March 25th Tracking spreadsheet where you can find most of the documents, updates, and conversations happening Survivor pod PayPal where you can donate some money (PLEASE DO THIS) to support the process

    If you've been accused of consent violations or harm, this piece by Tamara Pincus is a good place to start.

    Patreon supporters - head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast to hear my bonus chat with Aida Manduley on what helps and what hinders accountability processes. If you aren't a supporter, I'd love your financial support to help keep the show going. If you pledge $3 per month, you get access to exclusive weekly bonus content and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me field listener questions.

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Aida Manduley:

    Aida Manduley is an award-winning Latinx activist, international presenter, and trauma-focused clinician known for big earrings and building bridges. Trained as a sexuality educator, social worker, and nonprofit management professional, they’re* working to make the word a more equitable place through education, therapy, and community organizing. Their perspective centers intersectionality and maximizing kindness, while retaining both a sense of humor and a sense of justice. From The New York Times to The Rainbow Times, Mx. Manduley has been interviewed by a variety of media outlets. They were even brought on for a debate on the Laura Ingraham show—a popular conservative radio program—and lived to tell the tale.

    You can follow them on Twitter (@neuronbomb) or Instagram (@aidamanduley), like their page on Facebook, sign up for their newsletter (debuting September 2018), stay tuned to what books they’re nerding out with, and/or get more information about their professional accomplishments via LinkedIn.

    Grab the episode transcript at http://sexgetsreal.com/ep263
  • Want to work with me?

    Join the July cohort of the Power in Pleasure course. Check out details and pre-enroll at dawnserra.com/pleasurecourse. In a Sex Gets Real first, this episode is Part Two of a THREE part series featuring Eve Rickert, Samantha Manewitz, and Aida Manduley.

    This episode is my conversation with therapist Samantha Manewitz. We build on the conversation I had with Eve Rickert in Episode 261, exploring emotional abuse and gaslighting in relationships.

    One of the things Samantha stresses in this conversation is how normalized gaslighting is in the world right now. We have the highest levels of power (the US President) gaslighting an entire nation, and none of us are immune.

    We also explore some things that help reveal behaviors that might lead to emotional abuse and what one word can change the way we enter into relationships.

    This is an important and powerful conversation about how subtle emotional abuse can be, and how to look out for DARVO which is how emotional abusers position themselves as the victim.

    The survivor pod resources mentioned in this episode include:

    Initial statement on February 11th Update on March 25th Tracking spreadsheet where you can find most of the documents, updates, and conversations happening Survivor pod PayPal where you can donate some money (PLEASE DO THIS) to support the process

    If you've been accused of consent violations or harm, this piece by Tamara Pincus is a good place to start.

    Patreon supporters - head to patreon.com/sgrpodcast to grab your bonus content this week which includes a little PDF of the questions Samantha offered around helping to figure out if we're being gaslit, plus a few bonus minutes of our conversation AND an embodiment exercise that can help us arrive in the body in a gentle way. If you aren't a supporter, I'd love your financial support to help keep the show going. If you pledge $3 per month, you get access to exclusive weekly bonus content and if you support at $5 per month and above, you can help me field listener questions.

    Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. About Samantha Manewitz:

    Samantha Manewitz, LICSW CST, is an educator and AASECT Certified Sex Therapist. She has trained mental health professionals, sex educators, and alt-sex communities on healthy communication, abuse prevention, and mental health in BDSM. Samantha was a featured presenter at multiple conferences, including CatalystCon West, American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT), Community-Academic Consortium for Research on Alternative Sexualities, and the Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit.

    Among her therapeutic specialties are trauma (complex PTSD), sex therapy, couples therapy (level 2 Gottman trained), and gender affirming care for transgender/non binary clients. Samantha is also on the faculty of the Institute for Sexuality Education and Enlightenment, where she has presented on sexual coercion and psychotherapy with kinky clients.

    Stay in touch with Samantha at beyondsafewords.com.

    Hearing from you is the best

    Contact form: Click here (and it's anonymous)