Episodes
-
So, you've come to the place of deciding that you want a separation. Now what? How do you have one of the most difficult conversations of your life with someone? Is there ever a right time?
The way you tell your spouse about your decision can set the tone for your entire separation and co-parenting future.
There's no changing that fact that this kind of conversation can be devastating and life-changing. But, there are ways to go about it that can help soften the blow and move things forward positively. The alternative can mean heightened conflict, "lawyering up", and drama, drama, drama.
In today's episode we discuss tips for:
HOW to tell your spouse in an appropriate way
WHEN to have the conversation, because timing is everything
WHAT things to say that can lower conflict
WHY it's so important to take the time to have this conversation in the best way possible
You don’t have to go through divorce alone, support is available. Circles is an emotional support platform that connects you with a small group of others going through divorce in a safe online space. Head to circlesup.com and use promo code SPLIT2022 to get the first month free and join your circle today.
To learn more about mediation and schedule a phone consultation with Jennifer Sanders click here
Book a consultation for divorce coaching with Ashley Wood by clicking here
Find us on Instagram: Ashley @theconsciouscoparent Jennifer @sandersmediation
The content on this podcast is provided for general information purposes only and does not constitute legal advice.
--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/splittheaftereverafterpod/message -
Spousal support (called alimony in the US) is one of the most complicated and contentious areas of family law. The guidelines are complex with lots of grey areas, which can mean lots of room for conflict. Having what you need to make informed decisions is important.
Today we discuss the basics of the Spousal Support Advisory Guidelines (SSAG), including:
+Who is entitled to support
+Compensatory vs. non-compensatory support
+Spousal support with and without children
+When does support end?
+What is a lump-sum payment?
More questions? Let us know (if you're listening on spotify, hit the q&a button below to leave a voice message or send us a DM) and we'll discuss in part two!
You don’t have to go through divorce alone, support is available. Circles is an emotional support platform that connects you with a small group of others going through divorce in a safe online space. Head to circlesup.com and use promo code SPLIT2022 to get the first month free and join your circle today.
To learn more about mediation and schedule a phone consultation with Jennifer Sanders click here
Book a consultation for divorce coaching with Ashley Wood by clicking here
Find us on Instagram: Ashley @theconsciouscoparent Jennifer @sandersmediation
The content on this podcast is provided for general information purposes only and does not constitute legal advice.
--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/splittheaftereverafterpod/message -
Missing episodes?
-
Newly separated parents often don't realize just how many things there are to consider about the new co-parenting arrangement. Schedules, paying for extracurriculars, transition times, dealing with behaviour issues, introducing new partners are just a few issues of so many. Our guests today realized that taking the time to work out a detailed parenting plan is essential, but there were few professionals taking the time with clients to create them.
Brandyn Roark Caires, a licensed counsellor and Jen Schimbeno, a Financial Planner, created "Parent Team," an online course that guides parents through the ins and outs of parenting from both homes. Today we talk to them about some of what they've learned from their years of experience working with co-parents. They offer some tips on how they manage the tough issues like financial disputes, withholding information, and badmouthing the other parent. Listen for a great description of their technique called, "Name It, Frame It, Don't Blame It" - it could be a game-changer for you and your kids!
You can find more information about Parent Team @parentteam on IG and on their website: www.parentteam.com
You don’t have to go through divorce alone, support is available. Circles is an emotional support platform that connects you with a small group of others going through divorce in a safe online space. Head to circlesup.com and use promo code SPLIT2022 to get the first month free and join your circle today.
To learn more about mediation and schedule a phone consultation with Jennifer Sanders click here
Book a consultation for divorce coaching with Ashley Wood by clicking here
Find us on Instagram: Ashley @theconsciouscoparent Jennifer @sandersmediation
The content on this podcast is provided for general information purposes only and does not constitute legal advice.
--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/splittheaftereverafterpod/message -
It's another Q+A episode! In this Part 3 installment of our series on High Conflict People we take questions from YOU. Thank you so much to everyone that took the time to submit such though-provoking and personal questions.
There's a little bit of everything here, ranging from issues with new partners, to ignoring food allergies, and how to deal with co-parent no-shows. We each give our take on how to best handle these situations, scripts on what you can say, and of course a little of what NOT to do!
We hope you'll find some answers here to your own situation. Please keep submitting your questions to us, and we're happy to help.
You don’t have to go through divorce alone, support is available. Circles is an emotional support platform that connects you with a small group of others going through divorce in a safe online space. Head to circlesup.com and use promo code SPLIT2022 to get the first month free and join your circle today.
To learn more about mediation and schedule a phone consultation with Jennifer Sanders click here
Book a consultation for divorce coaching with Ashley Wood by clicking here
Find us on Instagram: Ashley @theconsciouscoparent Jennifer @sandersmediation
--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/splittheaftereverafterpod/message -
If you listened to last week's episode "Part 1: High Conflict People" you might have identified some high conflict personalities in your life. OK, so now what?
In Part 2 of "High Conflict People" we discuss some practical strategies for communication with these types of people. We offer some scripts, tips, and our own anecdotes from the battlefield!
If you're dealing with one of these characters in your life odds are you're overwhelmed and emotionally exhausted. It's extremely difficult to disengage from this conflict and you may have been in it for so long you don't know which end is up. We hope this episode gives you some insight into how to get some space and freedom from continuing conflict.
You don’t have to go through divorce alone, support is available. Circles is an emotional support platform that connects you with a small group of others going through divorce in a safe online space. Head to circlesup.com and use promo code SPLIT2022 to get the first month free and join your circle today.
To learn more about mediation and schedule a phone consultation with Jennifer Sanders click here
Book a consultation for divorce coaching with Ashley Wood by clicking here
Find us on Instagram: Ashley @theconsciouscoparent Jennifer @sandersmediation
For added resources see:
Legal information and resources for Ontarians can be found at https://www.attorneygeneral.jus.gov.on.ca/english/family/
Bill Eddy's book "5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life." and BIFF: Quick Responses to High Conflict People
Difficult Mothers, Adult Daughters by Karen Anderson
--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/splittheaftereverafterpod/message -
Lawyer and Mediator Bill Eddy writes a lot about "HCP" or "high conflict people." He explains that these characters are out of the ordinary, don't act like 80% of the population, and are marked by continued conflict and chaos in their lives.
A high conflict person could be that way because of a personality disorder, substance abuse, or other mental heath issue. If you try to reason with them you will find yourself engaged in a never-ending cycle of crazy-making conflict.
In this episode we talk about how to recognize these personality types so that we can approach conflict with them in a different way. Watch for a Part 2 coming soon where we explain ways you can communicate with this type of person.
You don’t have to go through divorce alone, support is available. Circles is an emotional support platform that connects you with a small group of others going through divorce in a safe online space. Head to circlesup.com and use promo code SPLIT2022 to get the first month free and join your circle today.
To learn more about mediation and schedule a phone consultation with Jennifer Sanders click here
Book a consultation for divorce coaching with Ashley Wood by clicking here
Find us on Instagram: Ashley @theconsciouscoparent Jennifer @sandersmediation
For additional resources see:
EP. 14 Is My Ex A Narcissist?! With Matthew Phifer
5 Types of People Who Can Ruin Your Life: Identifying and Dealing with Narcissists, Sociopaths, and Other High-Conflict Personalities Paperback by Bill Eddy
Stop Walking on Eggshells: Taking Your Life Back When Someone You Care About Has Borderline Personality Disorder by Randy Kreger and Paul Mason
The content on this podcast is provided for general information purposes only and does not constitute legal advice.
--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/splittheaftereverafterpod/message -
We talk a lot on the podcast about dating and re-marriage after divorce, step-parents, and blended families. Most of us assume that the natural progression of a long-term relationship is to have your children meet your partner's and blend your lives together. BUT, what if you didn't blend families at all? What if your families don't even meet? WHAT?!
In this episode we talk with Jennifer Hurvitz, a Relationship Expert, Dating Coach, and best-selling author. Jennifer found herself in a stable, long-term relationship after her divorce and has made the very unconventional choice not to blend families.
How does that work? Pros? Cons?
Her choices may not work for you, but this is a must listen if you're thinking about introducing your children to a partner, or blending families altogether. She has an interesting perspective that's worth considering.
You can find more of Jennifer Hurvitz on IG @doingrelationshipsright and on her website https://www.jenniferhurvitz.com/
You don’t have to go through divorce alone, support is available. Circles is an emotional support platform that connects you with a small group of others going through divorce in a safe online space. Head to circlesup.com and use promo code SPLIT2022 to get the first month free and join your circle today.
To learn more about mediation and schedule a phone consultation with Jennifer Sanders click here
Book a consultation for divorce coaching with Ashley Wood by clicking here
Find us on Instagram: Ashley @theconsciouscoparent Jennifer @sandersmediation
The content on this podcast is provided for general information purposes only and does not constitute legal advice.
--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/splittheaftereverafterpod/message -
OK, you're divorced. WTF now? Enter Rob Roseman of wtfdivorce.com. When Rob's own world was turned upside down by divorce in 2020 and he started his search for resources to help him through it all. Now his website, IG page @wtfdivorce and his own podcast offer a steady stream of high quality resources to help you date better, co-parent smoother, and thrive in your new life after divorce.
Today we talk to Rob about his own experience with divorce and how men may experience divorce differently. Rob talks about dating as a single Dad, communicating with your ex, and the ongoing challenges of parenting.
You don’t have to go through this alone, support is available. Circles is an emotional support platform that connects you with a small group of others going through divorce in a safe online space. Head to circlesup.com and use promo code SPLIT2022 to get the first month free and join your circle today.
To learn more about mediation and schedule a phone consultation with Jennifer Sanders click here
Book a consultation for divorce coaching with Ashley Wood by clicking here
Find us on Instagram: Ashley @theconsciouscoparent Jennifer @sandersmediation
The content on this podcast is provided for general information purposes only and does not constitute legal advice.
--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/splittheaftereverafterpod/message -
Parenting itself is hard enough - trying to figure it out with your ex? That can be downright brutal. You ex might not have the same parenting style that you do, and might not be open to your feedback about it.
What then?
How can we manage behavioural issues with our children between two homes?
What if the kids are playing us against each other to get their own way? (hint: they are!)
What if my co-parent doesn't have the same rules that I do?
In this episode we discuss these questions and other co-parenting problems with author and speaker, Kimball Lewis. He explains how we can still maintain boundaries and discipline with our kids even between two homes. He shares some tips and practical examples of what to say to kids in these situations.
You can find more information about Empowering Parents and the Total Transformation program at www.empoweringparents.com
To learn more about mediation and schedule a phone consultation with Jennifer Sanders click here
Book a consultation for divorce coaching with Ashley Wood by clicking here
Find us on Instagram: Ashley @theconsciouscoparent Jennifer @sandersmediation
The content on this podcast is provided for general information purposes only and does not constitute legal advice.
--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/splittheaftereverafterpod/message -
In the world of conflict resolution and mediation our guest today needs no introduction. Bill Eddy is THE expert on all things dispute resolution. A prolific author, speaker, and professor, Mr. Eddy has been a strong voice in this world for more than 30 years.
Bill Eddy is known for his practical, straightforward approach to resolving conflict. His books always include lots of detailed examples of high conflict dialogue and what to do instead. He has a true gift for describing those familiar causes of conflict and how we can expertly work through them.
We're so pleased to speak to him today about his latest book, "Calming Upset People with EAR: How Statements Showing Empathy, Attention, and Respect Can Quickly Defuse a Conflict." Bill explains how he came to use "EAR Statements" and why they're so helpful. He also offers many examples of how you can use these in your life.
You can find more about Bill Eddy at https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/
To learn more about mediation and schedule a phone consultation with Jennifer Sanders click here
Book a consultation for divorce coaching with Ashley Wood by clicking here
Find us on Instagram: Ashley @theconsciouscoparent Jennifer @sandersmediation
The content on this podcast is provided for general information purposes only and does not constitute legal advice.
--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/splittheaftereverafterpod/message -
Is my divorce going to mess up my kids? They're so young - how do I know if they're going to be okay?
In this episode we talk with Kimberly Ewertz, author of "Family Redefined: Childhood Reflections on the Impact of Divorce." Kimberly spent 5 years interviewing adult children of divorced parents, asking them about their experiences. She found many commonalities in what these adults reported. She tells us about what these adults now say affected them most negatively, and what had a positive impact.
Kimberly brings touching emotion to this interview as she openly speaks about her own experience of going through a divorce over 30 years ago with her 10 year old son.
Her book is available on Amazon.ca and booksellers everywhere. Kimberly encourages our listeners to email her directly with questions. She can be reached via her email found on her website: https://www.familyredefinedbook.com/
To learn more about mediation and schedule a phone consultation with Jennifer Sanders click here
Book a consultation for divorce coaching with Ashley Wood by clicking here
Find us on Instagram: Ashley @theconsciouscoparent Jennifer @sandersmediation
The content on this podcast is provided for general information purposes only and does not constitute legal advice.
--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/splittheaftereverafterpod/message -
Newly single and ready to mingle? Or...not?
Some people can't wait to jump back into the dating world, while others don't even want to think about it. How do you know when you're ready to start dating again after separation and divorce?
In today's episode we talk to Dr. Kristie Overstreet. As a psychotherapist and clinical sexologist, she's a pro that can give us some answers. We ask her all about how to know when the time is right to start dating, and how to judge if it's going well. We also discuss common mistakes people make when re-entering the dating scene, and ways to change unhealthy dating patterns.
Bonus - listen for Ashley trying to ask a question about the "Hoe Phase," without using the term "Hoe Phase!"
You don’t have to go through this alone, support is available. Circles is an emotional support platform that connects you with a small group of others going through divorce in a safe online space. Head to circlesup.com and use promo code SPLIT2022 to get the first month free and join your circle today.
Connect with Dr. Kristie Overstreet:
Website: www.drkristieoverstreet.com
Instagram: @kristie_overstreet
To learn more about mediation and schedule a phone consultation with Jennifer Sanders click here
Book a consultation for divorce coaching with Ashley Wood by clicking here
Find us on Instagram: Ashley @theconsciouscoparent Jennifer @sandersmediation
The content on this podcast is provided for general information purposes only and does not constitute legal advice.
--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/splittheaftereverafterpod/message -
In today's episode we talk with Helen Yack and Gabbi Silverberg of Rise Up Counselling. They bring 40 years of experience in child protection, therapy, and social work. We asked them to explain the most common reasons that they see conflict among co-parents, and how it can be resolved. They explain what they see as recurring problems, and how there are better ways to address them that won't keep the drama and fighting going.
We also discuss when it may be appropriate to speak to children about what they want in a divorce, and how this can be done in an effective way.
This episode may push you to examine our own role as a co-parent, and how you communicate with your ex. Gabbi and Helen offer expert information that can give you some insight into the dynamics of your separation.
You don’t have to go through this alone, support is available. Circles is an emotional support platform that connects you with a small group of others going through divorce in a safe online space. Head to circlesup.com and use promo code SPLIT2022 to get the first month free and join your circle today.
Connect with Gabbi and Helen:
@rise.upcounselling
www.riseupcounselling.com
To learn more about mediation and schedule a phone consultation with Jennifer Sanders click here
Book a consultation for divorce coaching with Ashley Wood by clicking here
Find us on Instagram: Ashley @theconsciouscoparent Jennifer @sandersmediation
The content on this podcast is provided for general information purposes only and does not constitute legal advice.
--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/splittheaftereverafterpod/message -
In this episode we speak with estate lawyer Shayna Beeksma, of Beeksma Law, about the importance of estate planning in a separation and divorce. When couples separate their property they often don't realize that without the proper agreements and wills in place their ex may still have legal rights to their assets, and/or power of attorney.
Estate planning isn't an easy subject to talk about. It can be uncomfortable to talk about our own mortality, and the subject is technical and sometimes difficult to understand. Shayna breaks down the important areas to think about, how the process of creating a proper will works, and what to look for in a great estate lawyer.
Learn more and connect with Shayna at www.beeksmalaw.ca
To learn more about mediation and schedule a phone consultation with Jennifer Sanders click here
Book a consultation for divorce coaching with Ashley Wood by clicking here
Find us on Instagram: Ashley @theconsciouscoparent Jennifer @sandersmediation
The content on this podcast is provided for general information purposes only and does not constitute legal advice.
--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/splittheaftereverafterpod/message -
There's no way around it that going through a separation is stressful. But, we often look at only the emotional and mental stress and not the toll it takes on our physical bodies. During this time of upheaval and change we often put physical fitness last on the list and neglect our health.
Today we speak with fitness trainer Dara Bergeron about ways that we can lovingly parent ourselves to make positive choices for our health. Dara is a veteran trainer and movement educator, specializing in body-neutral movement and mindset for mothers. She is the creator of Belly Bootcamp @bellybootcamp https://bellybootcamp.ca and co-creator of Mama Reset @themamareset https://themamareset.com. We go in-depth on the topics of what "health" means, body image, our obsession with body size, and that overused word "self-care." This is our longest episode yet and we could've kept going!
Connect with Dara and learn more about her programs on Instagram @mom.bod.love
Book a consultation for coaching with Ashley Wood by clicking here
To learn more about mediation and schedule a phone consultation with Jennifer Sanders click here
Find us on Instagram: Ashley @theconsciouscoparent Jennifer @sandersmediation
The content on this podcast is provided for general information purposes only and does not constitute legal advice.
--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/splittheaftereverafterpod/message -
Having a major impact on one’s emotional health, financial security, social status and personal relationships, divorce is far more than just a legal process, yet many still consider a lawyer the only professional required to help them get through it.
Working with the right attorney is an important part of navigating divorce successfully, but you’ll need more than legal advice to make good decisions and adjust to the many life changes that come with divorce. Should you stay or should you go? Who do you need to contact first? Should you lawyer up or are there any alternatives you should be considering? What paperwork do you need to get organized? How do you communicate with a difficult spouse and how can you minimize the impact of divorce on your children?
In this episode, we talk about what derails people from making good choices during the divorce process and what a Certified Divorce Coach can do to help you make the best possible decisions for your future.
To learn more about divorce coaching and how Ashley serves clients, click here
Book a consultation for coaching with Ashley Wood by clicking here
To learn more about mediation and schedule a phone consultation with Jennifer Sanders click here
Find us on Instagram: Ashley @theconsciouscoparent Jennifer @sandersmediation
The content on this podcast is provided for general information purposes only and does not constitute legal advice.
--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/splittheaftereverafterpod/message -
Should you "lawyer up" with the best divorce lawyer money can buy, or can you use the services of a family law mediator?
This is one of the first decisions you’ll make when facing a separation, and it’s a crucial one. The professional you choose to work with can set the tone for your entire separation, divorce, and future co-parenting. But, there’s so much misinformation out there that it can be hard to make an informed choice. In this episode we outline the important questions to ask yourself when considering whether you should use a lawyer or a mediator and discuss what to look for in each professional. If you or someone you know is going through a separation this episode could make all the difference.
To learn more about mediation and schedule a phone consultation with Jennifer Sanders click here
Book a consultation for coaching with Ashley Wood by clicking here
Find us on Instagram: Ashley @theconsciouscoparent Jennifer @sandersmediation
The content on this podcast is provided for general information purposes only and does not constitute legal advice.
--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/splittheaftereverafterpod/message -
"Loyalty Binds" create an impossible situation for children who feel that they must constantly choose between their parents. We can easily spot the really terrible behaviour that creates them, but sometimes it's hard to see how we might be unknowingly contributing to them too.
In this episode we start with the basics of defining the term "loyalty binds," look at ways they're created, and how they affect kids. This practical info can help you spot loyalty binds and root them out of your children's lives.
We also tackle many of the questions that you submitted via Instagram about this important topic and share a step by step guide for what to do when your ex is badmouthing you.
The book referenced in this podcast is Co-Parenting With A Toxic Ex by parental alienation expert Amy J. L. Baker, Ph.D.
To learn more about mediation and schedule a phone consultation with Jennifer Sanders click here
Book a consultation for coaching with Ashley Wood by clicking here
Find us on Instagram: Ashley @theconsciouscoparent Jennifer @sandersmediation
The content on this podcast is provided for general information purposes only and does not constitute legal advice.
--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/splittheaftereverafterpod/message -
For most separating couples their biggest joint asset is their matrimonial home. In the current housing market the value of that asset has likely risen far beyond what either person imagined when it was first purchased. This creates a big problem for many people because it’s too expensive to buy-out the other spouse and prices are too high to be able to sell and purchase two individual homes. What to do? Throw in the emotional attachment and importance of the family home and this can be one very tough issue to sort out!
In this episode we speak with Certified Divorce Financial Analyst Sara McCullough, who breaks down the issue and helps sort out what things to consider in making decisions about the family home. When is selling best? Is a buy-out always the best option even if you qualify to do it? Are there some other solutions that would work? Sara gives practical financial advice about how to go about making this decision.
Find out more about Sara here:
Instagram @wd_development
Website: www.wddevelopment.ca
To learn more about mediation and schedule a phone consultation with Jennifer Sanders click here
Book a consultation for coaching with Ashley Wood by clicking here
Find us on Instagram: Ashley @theconsciouscoparent Jennifer @sandersmediation
The content on this podcast is provided for general information purposes only and does not constitute legal advice.
--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/splittheaftereverafterpod/message -
If you’re going through a separation you’re already dealing with a boatload of personal stress, emotions, and big decisions. Trying to figure out how to talk to the kids about all of it can be a daunting task. Parents often agonize about how to inform their kids about this massive life change, and worry that they won’t do it the “right way” (hint: there are some wrong ways to do it, but no one right way).
When do you tell them?
Should you wait until you know all the answers about where you’ll live and what the new schedule will be?
Should you tell them together with their other parent, or speak to them separately?
How much detail do you share?
How do you word things so that young ones can understand?
In this episode we address all of these questions as we speak with Sara Olsher about how we can talk to kids about hard things. With her company Mighty+Bright, Sara creates picture books and resources that deal with life’s hard issues like cancer, COVID, and…divorce. We chat with Sara about her own experiences in learning to communicate openly with her daughter about all of these tough topics. We give some practical tips about what to keep in mind, why you need to go easy on yourself, and a few “what not to do’s” thrown in too.
Visit Sara's website www.mightyandbright.com to view all of her books, connection calendars and free resources.
Follow on Instagram @mightyandbrightco
To learn more about mediation and schedule a phone consultation with Jennifer click here
Book a consultation for coaching with Ashley by clicking here
Find us on Instagram: Ashley @theconsciouscoparent Jennifer @sandersmediation
The content on this podcast is provided for general information purposes only and does not constitute legal advice.
--- Send in a voice message: https://podcasters.spotify.com/pod/show/splittheaftereverafterpod/message - Show more
