Episodes
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The Fifth did a bit of processing today with our Trump-supporting friend at her Connecticut studio. Hungover, exhausted, bedraggled, the lads then returned to the scene of last night’s Fifth-Free Press-Reason party and recorded this episode. They enjoyed it. And they suspect you will too.
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* Kmele on his appearance in Thomas Chatterton Williams new Atlantic piece
* The end of America!
* If you don’t vote like me, you should be ashamed of yourself!
* We’re not “heterodox”
* On never talking policy
* Authoritarianism in America
* Boyz in the Hood redux
* A whole lot of final election thoughts
* A listener from Utah teaches us about TBCK syndrome
* Kemi Badenoch on uneq…
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Missing episodes?
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* A Thomas Jefferson freak off
* The tree of liberty…
* “Election integrity”
* What’s happening with those Pennsylvania ballots?
* Editorial page endorsements are worthless
* Why won’t you resign, lady?
* A slaughter at MSG
* These people have lost their minds
* And Bezos is correct: they don’t trust you
* The end of the NYT sports page actually said something important…
* The bubble
* An absurd boycott
* What would a Kamala victory mean for Israel?
* Finally a good Downfall meme…
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* To promote his Substack conversation with Moynihan (live today at 5pm ET only on the Substack app!), Josh Szeps calls in from the car and talks Aussie stuff for 20 minutes.
* Banning that lady from your country (“Does anything ride on this?")
* Baghdad Bob on Australia
* The Times and the truth
* People who disappear
* They are making me talk about this fascism shit
* …
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* How to be a Navy Seal
* Losing an eye in Afghanistan
* Dan can’t find his glasses / “I can’t see shit”
* Lessons from Iraq and Afghanistan
* A case study in intelligence failure and confirmation bias
* On leaving the Taliban in power
* Has Trump been good on foreign policy?
* The Republican Party post-Trump
* Tucker "is best friends with Hunter Biden!”
* Why are you even in Congress?
* On the mechanics of Congress
* Maybe a hundred normal congressmen
* What has Dan accomplished for Texas?
* Is populism winning?
* On banning TikTok
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* Dave in the Hall
* Dead in the garden
* All the dictators
* His kampf
* McDonalds troofer
* Can Trump be funny?
* People don’t care about what we care about
* A friend attacks
* BHO was a great candidate
* Wham-O, Sandusky, and the kids Freak Off
* On “Neighborhood Bully”
* Never say “grande”
* What plagiarism counts
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* Old wine, old bottles
* Bret Baier v. Kamala
* He finally asked Matt’s question. Or was it Kmele’s question?
* On not answering questions
* The wisdom of Bill Clinton
* Back to the politics of the 90s
* We always come back to it: late night is awful
* Weed reparations
* We always come back to it: fascism
* Please come back, archive.org
* Shutting down CBS?
* Why the media being stupid is actually really important
* Ted v Colin
* Micklewaithe v. Trump
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A rebroadcast
* Military propaganda for the kidz!
* Jewish Columbus
* A new history of communism
* The brainworm burrows in again
* The Italian
* Obama’s code switch
* There are meaningful differences between *these men*
* Polling problems
* The brothers Menendez
* Sarah, live from Folsom
* Chomsky’s Cuba book
* Are there still meaningful policy differences between the two major partie…
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* Yes, Michael J. Fox actually actually has Parkinson’s
* The MAGA hat incident
* We got a journalist around here…he’s asking a lot of questions
* Choppin’ it up with 60
* Young morons embrace violence
* German American Bund at MSG 2.0!
* Bob “Silent Coup” Woodward
* Look, he was actually unfairly treated
* Schultz interviews Trump
* It was Jeff Gerth, actually
* A tale of two natural disasters
* The natural disaster of a Kamala interview
* Running out the clock: “Frankly, I love the American people”
* Debate home run derby
* Moynihan’s Utne Reader piece for 2008. Welch on Katrina
* New media that we love. Or at least *like*
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* A very brief baseball convo. Relax.
* Kid (and adult) anxiety
* Don’t kill on snek
* The science of Trump’s brain?
* The worst of all the excuses
* Oliver’s dad and the JJ Rule
* The Big Dance on OpenLibrary, btw
* Fatherhood songs
* Phones, kids, rabbit holes
* Pete Rose was the best…and the worst
* On Kris Kristofferson
* On Megyn and Moynihan
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* The title is correct: everyone will hate something in this episode!
* Moynihan is dying?
* GPT as your GP
* Choc and Chiclet
* $$$ for TV
* J.D. says Trump won in 2020
* Jack Smith could have asked Moynihan
* You hate him. But not enough.
* A goomba union boss is going to choke America out
* Rich and “working class”
* Create jobs! End EZ-Pass!
* Remembering the execrable Harry Bridges
* Why is the government still mailing free Covid tests?
* (MM fact-checks himself)
* Lebanon and beyond
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Kmele’s voice is craggy; Moynihan is on the precipice of illness; Hasan Nasrallah has been delivered to a fiery “paradise,” last seen with his hand up own skirt, desperate to locate 70-odd sexually inexperienced coreligionists.
Also:
* Pat’s “thugocracy”
* Hockey fights.
* Johnny Turkey
* Your legacy is one bad Twitter prediction
* Ranking the least badly governed…
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* The return of the Boss POC
* The veep sits for an “interview”
* That’s all she had to do…
* Will Michael Cohen be assassinated?
* Not if he escapes the country (and his family)!
* The return of Tennessee
* 10 days in an uncomplicated land
* That conflict is just like all things I care about (except it’s nothing like the things I care about)
* Disassociating yourself from the freaks and terror supporters
* So we finally got to Diddy
* Sure, he’s a monster! But the Mann Act??
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* When you think you’re right about everything
* Alternate episode title: Candace Owens Discovers a New Fact Every Day—This Time, She Didn’t Blame the Jews
* “The incentive for her is to be more mentally ill, because she seems to be doing quite well by losing her mind in public”
* It will be like leaving a 70’s cult
* Nude Africa has gone offline :(
* Nobel laureates …
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Yet again, AI has done a bang-up of summarizing a Fifth Column episode, which mostly covers the insane economic policies of both idiot candidates and why members of Hezbollah are having their balls blown off.
But according to the half-sentient supercomputers, the lads discuss how “Melania Trump's new book is a focal point, with humorous commentary on its content and implications.” True enough. And also, there is apparently some conversation about how “evidence is often disregarded in political claims.” Well yes, that’s pretty much every segment on every episode. “The speakers critique the absurdity of political discourse and the influence of social media on public narratives.” Is it odd that the AI episode summary failed to note that Moynihan yet again makes fun of Sam Altman? Only as odd, we suspect, as Snowden not tweeting negative things about Putin…
And remember, if you want an extra episode every week, want to interact with the boys on the members-only “Second Sunday” episodes, or just want them to answer your pressing (emailed) questions, be sure to subscribe today!
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First: Our remote recording software uses AI to create text “soundbites” from every episode episode. They are best ignored. But this week, it came up with this: "Music is crazy."
"This is about Indians."
"I want to be black."
"You must have a white wife."
Yes, all of those important issues are discussed. But the conversation is mostly about the latest faile…
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* This tattoo definitely wasn’t a horrible mistake
* Matt has dementia
* Pim Tool: tool of the FSB?
* The $400,000 plagiarist
* Brain “interference” vs. election “interference”
* Did Trump acknowledge that he lost in 2020?
* The childcare word salad
* Plastic straw journalistic DISGRACE
* Having principals versus having “a position”
* Dumb neo-Nazi realizes he’s been cheated
* More on the rise of junk history
* An overlooked bit of Tucker’s controversial interview
* Hitler was very, very, very evil. And the migration crisis came with many negative consequences for Europe. Both of the things can be true, you dopes!
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* Illness fakers
* Medium fakers
* Ok, so let’s warm up with some music stuff
* Does any band have a perfect four-album run?
* “I’ve read a lot of books on WWII!!”
* On the Martyr Made controversy
* Baby Irvings
* The bad guys are the good guys, and they have no agency
* “The Holocaust was basically a housing issue…”
* The Theresienstadt “documentary”
* The “terror” bombings
* Incidenta…
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* Kamala finally submits to an interview
* A Cascade of Disappointment)
* A softball interview
* Flip, flop, flibbedy flop
* Wasted questions
* Just a question of grammar
* Code switch that racist wall
* Trump in the cemetery
* Trump in the bible
* Trump impressions
* Noel, Liam, Kmele
* Matt and Moynihan reveal a secret, racially segregated text thread
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It’s the final night of the convention and in the hours before everything kicks off, the lads convened at the Substack loft to chat with Axios’s Alex Thompson, our old pal and arguably the most plugged in political reporter in America. We could offer some conversation bullet points but…just trust us. This is a really good one. Alex dishes on his reporting about the campaign to dislodge Biden’s from ticket, the enormous and quiet political power of the Obamas, and the behind-the-scenes war between Michelle Obama and the Biden family.
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