Put on your wizard’s hat, gather your adventuring party, and grab your Staff of Unrelenting Fluids—we’re reading “Lust of the Kobolds” by Dani Dundee! It’s a lizardy romp of mates, breeding, and fantasy creatures who share a name with David Bowie characters. We geek out just a little bit, and Tits sends us all on a wonderful journey as she tells us about the history of Dungeons and Dragons.
Hold on to your butts, it's been over a year since our first episode! We celebrate the only way we know how: by revisiting our very first book, "A Viking's Peace." There's been a lot of change since that time, and a lot of weirdness, and a lot of smut. Some might say...too much smut. Not us, though. Come join us on a journey where we look back at what we said about that first book and take a little internal journey as well. Have we changed? Have our morals? Have our standards? How much good can come from one year's worth of bad smut?
Gather your wits and restrain your outrage as we discuss "Taking Kelsey" by Kelli Wolfe! This is a rough one, y'all. We know we've said that before, but this time we mean it. (Make sure to check the trigger warnings at the beginning.) If you can brave this story, you'll join us as we put on some of our most outrageous accents, learn a few facts about dark erotica/darkfic/dark fantasies, and discover what our names would be if we were racehorses.
Thrusty's sources from Thrusting In With Knowledge:
And the link for that “Guess My Kink” video we mentioned: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tpgszSFG99w
For this palate cleanser, we interview romance novelist Mariah Ankenman! We talk genital euphemisms, her entry into the smut world, get thirsty together, and she even shares some publishing secrets.
Find Mariah: @mariahankenman
Buckle your seat belts and get ready for some man-on-man action, we're talking "Gay Bayou Shifter" by Tabatha Austin! We dive in to this swampy tale of love, lust, mates, and convenient alligators, and discuss how we shockingly had a very good time with this book. And, to top it off, Tits Von Fappington gives us a history of gators in the Louisiana Bayou!
We're hopefully a-pleasin'...
We're....running out of rhymes because it's been a very long year and we're tired, but here's what to expect in season TWO!
Well, we said we wanted more tentacles. And when we read "Katie Experiences: Slime Seduction" by Winifred LaCroix, we got more tentacles. Was this a good thing? Did we regret several of our past decisions that led up to this moment? Maybe! Follow along with us as we learn about Katie, a petite boyish programmer who gets accosted by a mountain of slime when she's sucked into The Matri--oops, nope, a VR simulation. Strap in, y'all. It's gonna get goopy.(Sources for History with Tits:https:/www.youtube.com/watch?v=hLqVxC6JWIM&list=PLBe9AWBiqCH2JKaz4I_eiWrkKcmaPM2t-&index=1 https:/www.vrs.org.uk/virtual-reality/history.htmlhttps:/www.news.com.au/technology/gadgets/the-immersive-world-of-virtual-reality-sex/news-story/15ed5a76de65891a665b0b6f97a71bc4 https:/www.independent.co.uk/news/science/sex-love-robot-virtual-reality-digisexual-future-vr-relationships-a8773391.htmlhttps:/www.wired.com/story/coming-attractions-the-rise-of-vr-porn/ )
In this palate cleanser, we discuss each of our humble beginnings with the world of smut and erotica, with a very special guest: Momma McGee!
Get your lighthouses lit and your whistles wet, we're talking about "Tentacle Lord" by M. La Mer! The seas are pretty choppy for this one, dearest listeners. Settle in as we discuss unlikable characters and nonsensical plot devices, then see who can do the best 'Eddie Redmayne in Jupiter Ascending' impression. Plus, we express our displeasure at how little smut was actually in this book.
And, to top it all off, Tits delves into the history of tentacle porn! Her sources:
The picture of Caspar David Friedrich we referenced:
It's a Galloping Abs Halloween spectacular! In celebration of all things spoopy, we discuss Ffion Rhys's "Come the Chupacabra." It's a tale as old as time: girl meets boy on an Anthropology trip to Mexico, someone in the tour group gets murdered, and everyone gets boned by Chupacabras. We talk Chupa history, this book's mildly racist overtones, and how most of the story makes no sense. Not even a pack of horny mythical creatures can fill all of these plot holes.
Sources from History with Tits:
In this mini-sode, we talk about the things that haven't sucked lately! Namely, TV shows, a hack-and-slash video game, books, and a brand new vibrator.
We plumb the depths of the bonkers and bizarre in this episode as we read "Lick-Her Clean: A Taboo, First-time Lesbian, Robotic Bartending Arm Threesome Erotica" by Misty Miles. It's a fast-paced jaunt filled with strangely southern Las Vegans, vaguely described robots, and more nonsensical euphemisms than you can shake a stick (or a robotic arm) at. To top it off, Tits Von Fappington gives us the scoop on the history of sex robots.
To cleanse our palates this time, we talk the one, the only, the creator of Space Raptor Butt Invasion and the original purveyor of fine erotica himself: Chuck Tingle! We share with you all we know, which isn't much, and all the things we adore about this human, which is a lot.
**Note: This episode does not actually contain cyborg fathers.**
Want to feel protected while experiencing the oppressive attentions of three overbearing partly-humans in a mildly sci-fi environment??
Welcome to "Three of a Kind" by Susan Hayes, book four of the Drift series! Join us on a chaotic journey through some heavy plot, looming evil corporations, foursomes, and vague descriptions of Science Things. We also talk the history of cyborgs and try to impress Tits Von Fappington with how well we can speak in sync.
Come one, come all: it's a Galloping Abs retrospective! In this mini-sode, we discuss all of the books we've read thus far. Pirates, Vampires, Vampirates, Shifters, Vikings! Join us as we take a journey down memory lane. How much do you remember?? How much do we remember?? And can we count past four???
(Answers: Probably not much; definitely not much; up for debate.)
OHboy. In this episode, we discuss "Alpha's Blood," by Renee Rose and Lee Savino. The book is a galloping ride of BDSM, vampires, Monty Python references, and the cheesiest drama we've ever read. Also, shockingly, one of us really enjoyed it.
In this mini-sode, we discuss things in our lives that aren't irritating or awful: books, podcasts, and a dog.
In this episode, we discuss "No Fox to Give," by Domino Taylor/Vivienne Savage! It's the sort of book we've dreaded reading--pretty fun, not super bonkers, and just a nice time.
In this palate cleanser, we talk books, graphic novels, and even new La Croix flavors.
It's a light an airy mini ep.
...Just like a La Croix.
(This podcast is not sponsored by La Croix, although we can dream.)
If you wanted more pirates, you're in luck! We discuss Em Brown's timeless classic, "A Wicked Sea," and come face-to-face with violent pirate tendencies, confusing timelines, and even more genital euphemisms. We also have a fascinating segment by Tits Von Fappington, our resident history major, where she discusses the history of dildos!
The link to the dildo history page mentioned in the podcast: https://annalspornographie.wordpress.com/2018/06/20/a-brief-history-of-dildos/?fbclid=IwAR1Y6NNTdo4w8WZVpj7m3bJQfJEYEOPpAcQhlakwKlF1PIXyLrWop8iykh8
The dildo song ("Will You Buy A Fine Dog?" by Thomas Morely from the 1600s) played in the episode can be listened to in its entirety here: https://youtu.be/sK7s63T1sXY