Episodes
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Ever think, "if only I knew back then what I know today"? Well that thought is not helpful. Regret goes back and beats yourself up for past decisions that you cannot change. You need to make decisions from today for your future.
Learn about the unhelpful thoughts driving regret and how to drop them to create the life you want in the future.
www.lizjolley.com
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All companies tout the importance of collaboration but why don’t people collaborate? Well, we often feel threatened and afraid with collaboration. How we respond to the fear is what prevents us from working together.
Our brain is always looking for what could potentially be dangerous to us or what is bad.
True collaboration requires others to help modeling ideas, question them, and challenge them.
In Beyond Measure, Margaret Heffernan says,
“The same is true for ideas, doubts, concerns: they all start off roughly hewn, imprecise, and out of place. The first glimmer of an idea or an observation is like gold dust—highly cherished but hard to spot and not immediately valuable. We come together in groups and teams to refine, reshape, and polish them. The ensuing arguments are the signs that we care. It’s through that conflict that the real luster starts to emerge.”
www.lizjolley.com
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Missing episodes?
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We all face unwanted changes. Changes that make us face realities we don’t want. We argue against it and we lose.
Maybe your company just changed their work from home policy and you have to go back to the office 5 days a week. How do you face a change you don’t want?
Being mad about something is ok, but don’t wade in that water long. It doesn’t serve you. It makes you the victim and the other party the perpetrator. Move towards accepting what is, stop arguing with reality, and decide what now? You are not a victim. You have choices. Who do you want to be?
This is tough. But no one said life should be easy. Our brain forgets this often and life does a good job at reminding us this truth. No matter how much money you make, or what job title you have, or where you live, or how you have tried to prevent it, life get lifey. This is your chance to take control of your life through your decisions and what drives you.
www.lizjolley.com
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Ever seen an adult have a tantrum? Well, we've all experienced our own tantrum at work and at home. We find ourselves feeling shame, embarrassment, undervalued, offended (like we talked about last week) or overlooked and we react like a toddler. We have a tantrum.
We work out our feelings on those around us. We may not end up on the floor flailing around, but we cross our arms and pout or scowl, lash out, yell, raise our voice or say awful things. All not our best self. Maybe you lash out in a meeting or a performance conversation at work. Maybe you lash out at your spouse or your kid and have a tantrum. Not your best self.
So how do we avoid acting like a toddler and having an adult tantrum? You feel your feelings. You don’t react to them. It is experiencing the vibration of the feeling like in a chair.
www.lizjolley.com
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We waste so much energy being offended by what people say or what they do.
Offended is centered around thinking that people should be different, nice people act a certain way or would never say that.
Let's talk about why we are offended and learn how to not be offended no matter what people say or do.
Check out www.lizjolley.com for more.
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Who do you want to be?
You want to live a life of value? What do you value?
Life gets lifey and we need to know our values to keep us grounded in our authentic self. When you know your values and you have the courage to lean into them, you can stand alone, you can be yourself even though people around you may not like it because you are not doing what they want.
When you have tough decisions in front of you, stop and ask yourself which side of the decision pulls you more into your values and which pulls you away. Usually you know clearly.
Living into your values, not only creates a life of value, a life you value, but it is foundational for your self confidence, for loving yourself, for trusting yourself.
Link to Brené Brown's Living into your values exercise.
Link to my worksheet on defining your values Questions:
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What do you think when you hear the question: "Who do you think you are?"
Do you feel defensive? Do you feel like someone is questioning if you belong? This is your brain on default.
What if you ask that question from a place of love. Really ask yourself, "who do I think I am"?
This question is magical. The more clear we can answer who we think we are, the more we can reach out potential. The more we know who we are. The more confidence we have. The more love we have for ourselves.
If you have an answer to "Who do you think you are?" I would love to hear it.
Email me at [email protected]
Check out my website: www.lizjolley.com
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Often we think that if someone makes us mad we should withhold love from that person. When we withhold love from someone, the main person that suffers is us. Sometimes, they don’t even know we are upset.
We think we can make the other person suffer by withholding love and maybe even get them to change their behavior. Love is always a choice. It doesn’t make us permissive or weak, it is amazing.
We can choose to love people despite how they show up and behave. Choosing love makes us be the person we want to be.
www.lizjolley.com
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We all have people that challenge us or trigger us. We often want to change them or remove them from our lives. The reality is they are our life curriculum. They are there to make us better and teach us how to grow out capacity for love.
Learn how to overcome challenging people by changing your expectations.
www.lizjolley.com
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The moment we think someone should be different than they are, we end up feeling frustrated and then we show up in a way that we cannot listen, we are not patient, we are not the mom or the leader we want to be.
We create so much suffering in our lives by expecting others to be different. We have instruction manuals for how people should behave. Much to our disappointment, people are people and will do what they want. If you want to improve your relationships at work and home, learning how to let this expectation go is the key.
www.lizjolley.com
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We live in a world fraught with distractions. We are often multitasking and not being present in any of the tasks.
We go to meetings and on physically present but not mentally there. We are around our kids and family but aren't really connected in the moment.
Maya Angelo says, "people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
When I ask myself how I want to show up for people, it is around being present. I know I cannot directly control how I make people feel, since they have brains making up stories just like mine about other people and the world around us. But I do want to show up in a way where I am present, because then it is more likely that people feel connected, they get more of the best of me.
Learn how to practice being less distracted and more present.
www.lizjolley.com
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Many of us often struggle with feelings of inadequacy, believing we are not good enough, smart enough, or capable enough. Consequently, our minds search for proof to validate these insecurities. However, this is a thought error and not accurate.
The truth is, we are sufficient – good enough, smart enough, and capable enough. It's crucial to recognize these thought errors and look for the evidence that supports our worthiness. This evidence is always present because it reflects the truth. We are capable.
Our minds practice believing we are worthy. Developing this skillet helps us face challenges such as receiving criticism or failing.
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When you look at your calendar do you sigh with exhaustion? Do you feel dread when you see all the meetings ahead. We all need to be more conscious with our time and get to where we feel confident and committed when we see our calendar for the week. We disappoint ourselves all the time so we don’t disappoint others. We need to shift this so we are reliable to our own commitments. This build self trust.
Learning how to plan your week to be productive is a super power. Let's all move from being busy to being productive. You will be able to get more done than you think.
www.lizjolley.com
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Do you feel overwhelmed? Burned out? Too many meetings or things on your to-do list that never get done.
Time is the most precious resource we have and yet we often let others dicate how we use our time. Learning how to idenitfy all the ways we waste time is a huge step in learning how to manage your time to get everything you want done.
Listen in to part 1 or a two part series so you can stop feeling overwhelmed or burned out.
Connect more at www.lizjolley.com
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Preparing for job interviews can be overwelming and unpleasant, but it doesn't have to be. Most of the time we update our resume with our list of all our projects and job titles, but we miss the most important part. We miss asking ourself why all those project and jobs mattered? What capability did we get out of those roles? What were the struggles and what did it teach us that helps make us an ideal candidate for this role?
Listen in for how to prepare for the interview and what to do when you are full of self doubt.
www.lizjolley.com
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We probably all want to be more self confident, but what does that actually mean and how do you get more self confidence?
Self confidence is made up of three parts: trusting yourself, being willing to experience any emotion (even the negative ones), and your opinion of yourself.
Listen in on how to practice being more self confident.
www.lizjolley.com
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When life gives you lemons, what do you do? Our default is to go into self pity and wallow. To blame others around us. Usually it looks like, "if only.........." things had been different or they had been different. And living from this place takes us away from being our best self. Learn how to catch yourself in self pity and stop missing out on life's opportunities to grow and be more of who we are.
www.lizjolley.com
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We are obsessed with labeling everything around as good or bad. We waste so much energy on this and it doesn't serve us as all. For example, people call us a name or are late for a meeting, we often make it mean, "this is bad" or "they are bad" when really it is just nuetral and we get to decide what we do about it. We get to choose our response.
www.lizjolley.com
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We waste a lot of time because we solve symptons of problems and not the root of a problem. To be more efficient with out time, we must ask better questions. Learn why we have lost the art of asking great questions, how to ask great questions, and why it matters.
www.lizjolley.com
Book referenced in the podcast for great examples of questions by Warren Berger.
A More Beautiful Question
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So often we feel the need to come up with an excuse that is good enough to convince people so we can do what we really want. We worry so much about what others will think of us. We want them to like us, so we end up trying to do things or say things that please them. We end up being what other people want us to be instead of being our authentic self. FInd out how to stop people pleasing and how to no longer feel the need to give excuses.
www.lizjolley.com
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