Episodes
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This episode is for those who find themselves in an inner space of awkward loss and silence, for those who feel grief and overwhelm from the events of the world. Here we reflect on the Middle East crisis, by stepping outside the politics and into the quiet solitude of a grieving heart.
What do you do, when you don't want to talk, yet want to be heard?
What do you do, when you don't know what to say, and yet want to be understood?
When you can't reveal what's on your heart, and want to be seen regardless, what do you do?
Sometimes it may feel like we arrive at an empty parking lot, finding silence and desertion, instead of a sign of life. We hear silence instead of voices that talk about things we find important. Events of our times may make us feel alone and abandoned, when what deeply matters seems to be left out of the conversation and ignored.
Tune into this episode, where we explore ways to reconnect with our own heart, in our attempt to look into the unseen.
"Don't Blame The Brain" is the book you don't want to miss! In this book, I walk you through a simple and reliable process to get the most out of your emotions and feel better finally.
Go to dontblamethebrain.com for details.
Want to explore another important issue?
Sign up here for the Emotionally Intelligent Parenting training.
Podcast Host: Julia Pappas, Psychologist & Parent Coach
With questions and comments, please reach out on Instagram @theparentingpresence. Additional info is available at theparentingpresence.com
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Imagine if we needed to know everything about our lungs in order to take a breath. It would be impossible to live. And yet, something similar is happening with emotions. We no longer trust our basic intuitions about what we feel, because of so much noise in the mainstream narrative about the purpose of emotions and what to do about them.
But how complicated are our emotions, really?
Today let's chat about why the world of emotions has become so complicated and why it harms us when we overcomplicate emotions. How much should we listen to experts and is there anything we can do instead?That and more in today's conversation.
"Don't Blame The Brain" is the book I reference in this episode. You don't want to miss it! In this book, I walk you through a simple and reliable process to get the most out of your emotions, make them work for you (not against you), and feel better finally.
Go to dontblamethebrain.com for details.
Want to explore another important issue?
Sign up here for the Emotionally Intelligent Parenting training.
Podcast Host: Julia Pappas, Psychologist & Parent Coach
With questions and comments, please reach out on Instagram @theparentingpresence. Additional info is available at theparentingpresence.com
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Missing episodes?
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Strong relationships depend on respectful interactions. As we discussed in the previous episode, one of the things that will make the transition into the school year more smooth is to maintain a strong relationship with our children.
But you may wonder, what does it look like? Afterall, respectful interactions are not about giving into the child's whishes, nor is it about being permissive.
In this episode, I give you some ideas about what that may look like.
If you'd like to have an easy-access visual reference to these ideas, you can find the one-page overview in the podcast shownotes. Go to theparentingpresence.com and click on Episode 071.
"Don't Blame The Brain" is the book you don't want to miss! In this book, I walk you through a simple and reliable process to get the most out of your emotions and feel better finally.
Go to dontblamethebrain.com for details.
Podcast Host: Julia Pappas, Psychologist & Parent Coach
With questions and comments, please reach out on Twitter @JuliaPappasJoy or on Instagram @theparentingpresence. Additional info is available at theparentingpresence.com
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The transition from summer vacation to the school year is typically centered around preparing children for the changes ahead. However, an often overlooked aspect is the well-being of parents during this shift. In this episode, we explore five unconventional pieces of advice that focus on parents' needs and well-being to ensure a successful school year.
Mentioned in this episode:
"Don't Blame The Brain" is the book you don't want to miss! In this book, I walk you through a simple and reliable process to get the most out of your emotions and feel better finally.
Go to dontblamethebrain.com for details.
Want to explore another important issue?
Sign up here for the Emotionally Intelligent Parenting training.
Podcast Host: Julia Pappas, Psychologist & Parent Coach
With questions and comments, please reach out on Instagram @theparentingpresence. Additional info is available at theparentingpresence.com
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Our children rely on us for everything. Meeting our children’s needs is our responsibility. This seems like an accurate statement. But upon close inspection, it is only partially correct. Let’s see why…
The younger children are, the more they rely on us.
The older they are, however, the less they should need from us.
That is the nature of growing up.
The developmental purpose of childhood is to take the time needed to become an adult. And not just any adult, but an adult who is independent and self-reliant. And the task of parenting is to help our children with that.
One of the ways we help is by teaching children to take care of their own needs.
If you look at childhood from that perspective, our job as parents is not actually to take care of our children. That is only part of it, a temporary one at that. The more important and often overlooked part of our job is to teach them how to do it for themselves. And while they are learning, we do of course help them meet those needs.
Tune into today’s episode of The Parenting Presence to hear more.
"Don't Blame The Brain" is the book you don't want to miss! In this book, I walk you through a simple and reliable process to get the most out of your emotions and feel better finally.
Go to dontblamethebrain.com for details.
Want to explore another important issue?
Sign up here for the Emotionally Intelligent Parenting training.
Podcast Host: Julia Pappas, Psychologist & Parent Coach
With questions and comments, please reach out on Instagram @theparentingpresence. Additional info is available at theparentingpresence.com
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For way too long we were told that the reason why we have negative emotions is because our brain is at fault. In other words, we were told that there are "errors" in our thinking and that the brain sends us false signals and creates problems when there are none.
And so when we believe this to be true, we try to talk ourselves out of what we are feeling and do a lot of work to change our thoughts about what we feel. When you feel bad, it isn't your mind or your mindset that's at fault.
Let's correct that misconception!
Why?
Because no amount of thought-work can address the real reason behind emotions.
That is why we end up stuck in them.
In this episode, we discuss what the actual role of emotions is and what to do to resolve them. This is one of many conversations we will have about emotional regulation, so stay tuned for next episodes.
As a parent, you are not only dealing with your own emotions, but also the emotions of your child. When we are well emotionally regulated and have our needs met, we will show up differently in all challenging interactions, which — let's be honest — parenting is full of!
"Don't Blame The Brain" is the book you don't want to miss! In this book, I walk you through a simple and reliable process to get the most out of your emotions and feel better finally.
Get a FREE Chapter at dontblamethebrain.com
Want to explore another important issue?
Sign up here for the Emotionally Intelligent Parenting training.
Podcast Host: Julia Pappas, Psychologist & Parent Coach
With questions and comments, please reach out on Instagram @theparentingpresence. Additional info is available at theparentingpresence.com
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Let's talk about encouragement...
When we know that children can do better, it is hard not to want to encourage them to do better. Right? We want them to do well. In fact, we want them to do their best. But will they?
It all depends on how we approach these situations. The ones when we see a difference between where our child is currently at and where they can be... How do we encourage them in a way that is actually helpful?
Tune into this episode, to find out!
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"Don't Blame The Brain" is the book you don't want to miss! In this book, I walk you through a simple and reliable process to get the most out of your emotions and feel better finally.
Go to dontblamethebrain.com for details.
Want to explore another important issue?
Sign up here for the Emotionally Intelligent Parenting training.
Podcast Host: Julia Pappas, Psychologist & Parent Coach
With questions and comments, please reach out on Instagram @theparentingpresence. Additional info is available at theparentingpresence.com
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If you only had time to read ONE book on emotional regulation, which one would I recommend? Until recently I would think long and hard about this question, because there wasn’t a book that checked all the boxes for me. Something was always missing. I finally found the missing piece and I have a book recommendation to make.
"Don't Blame The Brain" is the book you don't want to miss! In this book, I walk you through a simple and reliable process to get the most out of your emotions and feel better finally.
Go to dontblamethebrain.com for details.
Podcast Host: Julia Pappas, Psychologist & Parent Coach
With questions and comments, please reach out on Instagram @theparentingpresence. Additional info is available at theparentingpresence.com
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What do boundaries have to do with emotional regulation? In this episode we are exploring the connection between the Sense of Self and the child’s sense of psychological Boundaries and what they have to do with the child’s emotional regulation.
We explore why there can be no mental health without a Sense of Self.
And the child’s ability to form a strong Sense of Self depends on Boundaries.
It is the child's Sense of Self that ultimately helps them regulate emotionally, because of things like self-awareness and self-control, that come with the Sense of Self. Self awareness helps the child become aware of what they are feeling and also become aware of the fact that these are their emotions. And because it is their emotions, it is the child who wants to feel better, and is therefore compelled to find a way to self-regulate.
And the ability to self-regulate comes from their capacity for self-control.
This capacity increases as the child’s Sense of Self gets stronger.
And the only way the Sense of Self can get stronger is — through boundaries. And so, as the Sense of Self strengthens (when protected by boundaries), it in turn also helps reinforce those boundaries even more.
This way, Boundaries and Sense of Self are not only interconnected, they reinforce each other.
Want to explore another important issue?
"Don't Blame The Brain" is the book you don't want to miss! In this book, I walk you through a simple and reliable process to get the most out of your emotions and feel better finally.
Go to dontblamethebrain.com for details.
Podcast Host: Julia Pappas, Psychologist & Parent Coach
With questions and comments, please reach out on Instagram @theparentingpresence. Additional info is available at theparentingpresence.com
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Facing personal losses and overcoming life storms is challenging as it is. But how do we do that in the context of the world at large that seems to be going through crisis after crisis, without an end in sight?
Every loss and every challenge we face splits the path we’re on into two.
One takes you towards disorientation and disintegration, which ultimately leads to more chaos.
The other — towards a deep assessment of what matters. It keeps us grounded, while also planting seeds for next steps and growth.
Four things are helpful to keep in mind when we navigate dark times in our lives. These are:
Understanding the sphere of threat
Assessing the sphere of influence
Orienting in chaos
Sense of Agency
Making sure we have clear priorities, will also ensure that we are not leaking resources into the world we cannot help. That way we can preserve them to support our own smaller world, within the sphere of our influence. That is the way we have the most impact and are able to weather our own storms.
Want to explore another important issue?
Sign up here for the Emotionally Intelligent Parenting training.
Podcast Host: Julia Pappas, Psychologist & Parent Coach
With questions and comments, please reach out on Instagram @theparentingpresence. Additional info is available at theparentingpresence.com
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Assertiveness is that special quality we want our children to have. But what is it? And how do we get it? What can we do to make sure our children become more assertive?
Feeling lost? You are not the only one.
I used to have trouble with it, until something became clear:
The trouble with assertiveness is not that it is complicated, but that it has vague definitions.
For example “healthy communication” and “being willing to understand others.” What does that even mean? Can it get any more vague? And some of these definitions include words and connotations that we may not be comfortable with, such as “forceful” or “aggressive.” I mean, who wants to teach their child to be more aggressive?
You need a better definition, the one that gets to the core of what assertiveness is about. Here it is:
Assertiveness is the ability to say “no.”
Another way to say the same thing is that assertiveness is about — boundaries. If we want our children to be more assertive, we have to help them express their boundaries.
That is, truly, all you need to focus on.
No need to worry about all those ancillary qualities that accompany assertiveness, but do not "cause" it. When children are able to say “no,” defend their preference, express their needs and wants (especially when it may not be easy to do) — when they are able to do all that, you will see them confident, bold, daring, and assured.
Want to explore another important issue?
Sign up here for the Emotionally Intelligent Parenting training.
Podcast Host: Julia Pappas, Psychologist & Parent Coach
With questions and comments, please reach out on Instagram @theparentingpresence. Additional info is available at theparentingpresence.com
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2023 is here and so are some exciting news that I really want to share with you. Here is what is coming this year:
- making commitments to ourselves based on what truly serves us
- my book on emotions, their purpose, and how to truly benefit from them. See details at www.dontblamethebrain.com
- as we continue talking about children, we will also focus more on the adult (you and me) in that dynamic
- more tools for you to strengthen your own wellbeing, so that you can show up in parenting the best way that you can
- the importance of knowing oneself and having a Sense of Agency, both as an adult and as a parent
Want to explore another important issue?
Sign up here for the Emotionally Intelligent Parenting training.
Podcast Host: Julia Pappas, Psychologist & Parent Coach
With questions and comments, please reach out on Instagram @theparentingpresence. Additional info is available at theparentingpresence.com
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Have you been wondering why your child is not sharing as many things as they used to? Do they give you one-word responses or would rather talk about things with their friends? Do they seem less interested in discussing different things with you? And does all of that make it seem as though they are hiding something from you or have secrets?
Let's talk about it!
First of all, this is important to address because it does create stress for us parents. It is not a pleasant experience to feel like your child is less interested in spending time together. And it is concerning to think they hold secrets from us.
And the second reason for this conversation is to give you a set of concepts to guide your understanding of what is happening for your child. And also, not the least important, what may be going on for you as a parent as your watch child grow and things between you change.
what is expected for children developmentally what is the difference between secret and private what happens when we worry and ask too many questions and how to ensure we continue to have a solid relationship as our children grow and change.
Tune in to this episode of The Parenting Presence to hear:Want to explore another important issue?
Sign up here for the Emotionally Intelligent Parenting training.
Podcast Host: Julia Pappas, Psychologist & Parent Coach
With questions and comments, please reach out on Instagram @theparentingpresence. Additional info is available at theparentingpresence.com
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Let’s be honest for a second. Is gratitude working for you? No, I am not asking whether you are trying to make it work, but whether you truly feel the way you want to feel when you engage in a gratitude practice. If yes, fantastic (read on, as it may be helpful to know why it's working so well) and if not, great too, because we will sort this out.
Gratitude is a helpful practice for all parents, when done right.
There is enough to worry about in parenting, to have to deal with the troubles that a well-intended practice of gratitude can create. You see, though a simple idea, the practice of gratitude as it has been promoted in the mainstream culture, has lost some of its nuances. And these nuances are pretty essential, if you ask me. When gratitude is approached with the wrong understanding, it can actually make us more anxious and stressed.
The way gratitude makes us feel depends on our nervous system.
More specifically, it depends on which part of our autonomic nervous system (ANS for short) is engaged when we practice gratitude. If you are not into neuropsych stuff, don’t run away from me just yet. I will make this really simple. First, let’s start with how you expect to feel when following a gratitude practice.
You expect to feel is — peaceful and nourished.
What you may feel instead is — a bit more anxious.
Not at all what you wanted, right? Why is that? The answer lies in whether you are engaging in more doing in your gratitude practice, as opposed to more being. These two states tend to conflict with one another, and that is why you may not be feeling satisfied with what your gratitude practice does for you. You see, two very different parts of our nervous system are activated when we are doing vs. when we are being.
When we are in the doing mode, we engage our sympathetic nervous system.
When we are in the being mode, we engage our parasympathetic nervous system.
You may not be thinking that you are engaged in a lot of doing when it comes to gratitude, but actually — you may be, without even realizing it. So tune into this week’s Episode of The Parenting Presence podcast, where together we sort out these details. It is when we shift from doing to being, that gratitude truly begins to feel like a restorative and supportive practice.
Want to explore another important issue?
Sign up here for the Emotionally Intelligent Parenting training.
Podcast Host: Julia Pappas, Psychologist & Parent Coach
With questions and comments, please reach out on Instagram @theparentingpresence. Additional info is available at theparentingpresence.com
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Today we are talking about the third and final skill of the Future, which is Resourcefulness. It is one of three core skills our children will need in order to face whatever future may have in store for them.
No matter what their life may look like, no matter what they choose to do, they will face challenges and will have to solve problems. That is why they will need to be resourceful in order to do that successfully.
And yes, Resourcefulness is a skill we can build.
It's not an innate quality some children get if they are lucky.
There is a lot we can do as parents to support the child's capacity for Resourcefulness. But guess what? You don't need to memorize another long list of things you should do. You are doing enough already! Instead in this episode I show you how to do less by thinking less about what you need to teach, but rather giving your child opportunities to learn on their own.
Let's dive in and talk about what we can do to support our children in this area of their development.
Want to explore another important issue?
Sign up here for the Emotionally Intelligent Parenting training.
Podcast Host: Julia Pappas, Psychologist & Parent Coach
With questions and comments, please reach out on Instagram @theparentingpresence. Additional info is available at theparentingpresence.com
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Today we are talking about the second skill of the Future, which is Resilience. It is one of three core skills our children will need in order to face whatever future may have in store for them.
No matter what their life may look like, no matter what they choose to do, they will need the skill of Resilience in order to manage it successfully.
And yes, Resilience is a skill we can build.
Whether a child has resilience or not, is not the question. It is how much of it they have and whether they could benefit from strengthening their resilience muscle and have capacity for more. And, of course, we could all benefit from having stronger resilience.
Let's dive in and talk about what we can do to support our children in this area of their development.
Want to explore another important issue?
Sign up here for the Emotionally Intelligent Parenting training.
Podcast Host: Julia Pappas, Psychologist & Parent Coach
With questions and comments, please reach out on Instagram @theparentingpresence. Additional info is available at theparentingpresence.com
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In this episode we are talking about self-regulation as one of the core skills our children will need for the future. No matter what the future brings, no matter what they choose to do with their lives, they will need self-regulation.
Regardless of what life throws their way, they will manage just fine, if they have the skill of self-regulation.
Think about it… What can you really do, if you cannot manage yourself? Hardly anything. In order to be able to engage in productive action, we must be able to regulate ourselves. That means being in charge of our emotions, our thoughts, and our behaviors.
The same applies to our children.
They need the same skills.
Self-regulation depends on self-awareness. To make it more likely that things go our way, it helps to know who we are, what we need, and how to go about it. Not an easy task for a child. In fact it is a lifelong process, and so it helps if we are there by their side, helping and guiding.
Want to explore another important issue?
Sign up here for the Emotionally Intelligent Parenting training.
Podcast Host: Julia Pappas, Psychologist & Parent Coach
With questions and comments, please reach out on Instagram @theparentingpresence. Additional info is available at theparentingpresence.com
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It is no longer a secret. Digital devices are designed to be addictive. That should be an automatic red flag when it comes to anything our children handle and interact with. Not only does this mean that it is important we monitor their use, but that we also must think about alternatives.
But how can you offer a good alternative when gadgets are all your child seems to want?
It's time to get to know brain chemistry a little better! If you know how the gadgets are tricking you and your child, then you can actually be more intentional about getting what you need in healthy ways. Electronic devices are tricking the brain to believe you have everything you need inside the screen, which is what creates dependency. They automatically activate brain centers that release “happy chemicals” and make us believe we can’t get that goodness anywhere else.
But that is not true.
The same neurotransmitters and reward centers in the brain are activated when we get what we need from real life experiences. Choosing real life experiences over artificial ones can save your child from a future digital addiction.
The neurotransmitters of wellbeing are: dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and endorphin. I walk you through what triggers each one of them and discuss the natural ways we can get them through real life experiences. Have a listen!
Want to explore another important issue?
Sign up here for the Emotionally Intelligent Parenting training.
Podcast Host: Julia Pappas, Psychologist & Parent Coach
With questions and comments, please reach out on Instagram @theparentingpresence. Additional info is available at theparentingpresence.com
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It's been too long of a pause between episodes! An unintended one at that. It's time I said hello. In this episode I check in with you and give you a quick update on where things are.
Host: Julia Pappas, Psychologist & Parent Coach
With questions and comments, please reach out on Instagram @theparentingpresence. Additional info is available at theparentingpresence.com
Want to explore another important issue?
Sign up here for the Emotionally Intelligent Parenting training.
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The one area where parents get tricked the most by clever marketing is gadgets and devices... Why? Because one of the clever (even though unethical) ways, in which smart devices are promoted, is through twisting of the language.
When gadgets and devices are being sold to us, words that we are likely to find appealing are used to make us think that we are buying something "smart" and "engaging" and "educational", or at the very least -- something that is "developmentally appropriate" and good for our children. It isn't so.
In this episode we discuss several words that are used to promote screens to kids. And I invite you to think about what truly stands behind this misrepresentation. For example, when a device is called smart, is it because it makes our children smarter? Or is it because it has a built-in A.I. that learns about the users and manipulates them? Yup, the latter.
Tune in to hear more.
Documentary mentioned in this episode:
The Social Dilemma (2020)Want to explore another important issue?
Sign up here for the Emotionally Intelligent Parenting training.
Host: Julia Pappas, Psychologist & Parent Coach
With questions and comments, please reach out on Instagram @theparentingpresence. Additional info is available at theparentingpresence.com
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