Episodes
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One of the hardest dilemmas we have to face is when it's time to walk away from someone you still love because you know the relationship isn’t right for you. We can often find ourselves stuck in a constant battle between knowing what is right, and what our heart wants us to do. In this episode we break down the five key signs its time to walk away, particularly for those of us in our 20s, and why these reasons matter the most, exploring ideas of:
Fatal Attraction TheoryThe biology behind our 'gut instinct' The Reciprocity Principle Equity Theory Sunk costs Expectant thinking Fear of being lonely or of the unknownWe also explore why we find it so difficult, the reasons that hold us back, including as the stigma around being the one to initiate the breakup and feeling like a failure for your relationship not working out.
You should not be with someone who is not adding to your life in your 20s. This is your time to be your own person, to prioritise exactly what is going to make YOU happy, not stay out of obligation or because of fear, family pressure or expectations. Is this the life you want, with this person? Are they making you the best version of yourself? Are they making you happy? Why don’t you deserve someone who does, even if it takes a while and is a bit scary.
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ThePsychologyofyour20s
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thatpsychologypodcast/
Resources:
https://www.whiteribbon.org.au/helplines/
https://www.helpguide.org/articles/abuse/domestic-violence-and-abuse.htm
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This is a question I have been asking myself a lot recently as someone who is VERY invested in the self-help space. Have we reached a point where we are too aware of our problems, faults, thoughts, actions and behaviours? Self awareness can free us from so many mental restrictions, it allows us to make better decisions, be a better friend, a better person, invest in our dreams and values. But at some point, we can reach a stage where we are too invested in self-reflection and introspection that it interrupts our enjoyment of the moment, can isolate us or even result in obsessive overthinking and rumination. In this episode we explore what it means to be self-aware and how online self help content might be causing us more harm than good. Listen now.
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thatpsychologypodcast/
Consider supporting me on Patreon if you enjoy my content: https://www.patreon.com/ThePsychologyofyour20s
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Many of us battle with a deep-rooted fear and anxiety that those we love will leave us. Maybe we have been hurt in a past relationship, or witnessed a messy divorce or the passing of ones we love and we have unconsciously learned to associated vulnerability, intimacy and love with pain and disappointment. This fear of abandonment can cause us to sabotage otherwise perfectly healthy relationships or to push people away out of an irrational fear they will leave us, only to end up just as alone as if they had. In this episode we explore the following:
What is the root cause of the fear of abandonment?The different types of abandonment reactions - the saboteur, the clingy, the avoidant and the serial dater Links to codependency and emotional unavailability How to heal our abandonment woundsWe all want to accept others into out lives and trust the people we love will stay by our side so if you're struggling with an irrational fear or anxiety of abandonment, listen now.
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thatpsychologypodcast/
If you enjoy this content, please consider subscribing to my Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ThePsychologyofyour20s
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The new reality of dating in your 20s is that the majority of us who are single are on the dating apps. Tinder, Hinge and Bumble have completely changed how we approach dating by expanding our options, making dating convenient and accessible and are increasingly becoming the way many of us meet our partners. A study conducted by the Pew Research Centre found that almost half of us between 18 and 29 have used a dating app. Yet, this has also transformed a lot of our offline behaviours towards dating. In this episode we break down the psychology behind dating apps including:
The impact of choice overloadThe psychology behind our romantic preferences The scarcity effect Seeking validation through dating appsDopamine and swipe based dating Dealing with rejection and dating app burnoutWe are also joined by the wonderful Lucille McCart from Bumble who discusses how we can use dating apps to their full potential in our 20s. She explains how we can convert our online matches into real world connections, why you should be the one asking people on dates and the benefit dating people outside of your 'type'. All of that a more. Listen now.
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thatpsychologypodcast/
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ThePsychologyofyour20s
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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A lot of us in our 20s feel the urge to upend everything and move to a new city - maybe for work, for a partner or just for the pure adventure of a new experience and environment. So in this episode we're going to break down why our 20s are perhaps the best time to make this major life change, from the lack of external responsibilities to the psychological benefits it brings, including self reflection, promoting a growth mindset and realising our ideal selves. We'll also explore why the urge to move to a new city really reflects our innate novelty seeking behaviour and why some people, the so called 'serial movers', can never seem to stay in one place for long. And finally, what are some of the practical ways we can actually do this and build community, maintain financial security, avoid feeling isolated? And what exactly is the so-called '6 month' rule? All of that and more, listen now!
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thatpsychologypodcast/
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ThePsychologyofyour20s
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It's been a while since my last life update so I thought we would take a bit of a breather and sit down for a nice chatty episode, just for you all the loyal podcast listeners, discussing all the recent changes and surprises that have been transpiring in my life as of late. From discovering what a healthy relationship looks like after years of tragic dating stories, the end of my single era, to moving to NYC and writing a book (!!!) there is so much to cover, alongside answering some of your burning questions. Listen now!
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thatpsychologypodcast/
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ThePsychologyofyour20s
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Increasingly, those of us in our 20s are facing an exceeding pressure to be exceptional and have a million accomplishments and accolades under our belt. If we are not successful, what are we worth? Examples like the Forbes 30 under 30, the wunderkind phenomena and young success stories all make us feel like we're not achieving enough or are falling behind. Today we're going to break down exactly why we feel this way, using theories around self determination, observational learning and social comparison. We'll also examine how we can break away from our need to be defined by our successes using practices like mindfullness, examining our online persona and capturing delight to use our 20s to explore rather than excel. Listen now!
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thatpsychologypodcast/
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ThePsychologyofyour20s
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Each of us deals with feelings of embarrassment, awkwardness and feeling social self conscious every now and then. But social anxiety can cause us a level of emotional, mental and physical discomfort that disrupts out ability to build authentic connection and can hold us back. In this episode we break down the psychology of social anxiety, particularly deconstructing the belief that everyone is judging us or that the opinions of others matter. We look at the distinction between everyday anxiety and a social phobia, the links to perfectionism and overthinking and methods for managing our social anxiety including the "so what" mentality and treating our anxiety like excitement rather than fear to allow us to pursue social authenticity over perfectionism. All that and more, listen now!
Subscribe to my Patreon to support the show: https://www.patreon.com/ThePsychologyofyour20s
My Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thatpsychologypodcast/
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In this week's episode we discuss the psychology of your ego and what its trying to tell us! Ego can feel nasty and entitled but it comes from a place of deep insecurity that we need to unpack before we can truly understand ourselves. We look at the 6 signs your ego is in control, where ego comes from and how to replace it with self esteem and humility. We also discuss why ego and self confidence are different things even though they sometimes look similar: how ego is insecure, inconsistent and relies on the perceived inferiority of others whilst confidence is stable, sure and kind. Remember, you are not your ego so in this episode we talk how to rein it in, accept it as part of who we are and move forward. Listen now.
My Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ThePsychologyofyour20s
My Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thatpsychologypodcast/
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Love, dating and friendships can feel like a black box in our 20s when we're trying to make the most out of our formative years. None of us have the answers or a guide to some of our biggest questions - how do I actually make new friends, how many friends should I have, should I be settling down this early or exploring my options? In part two of this series we breakdown how to make the most out of our personal relationships during this decade. We discuss why your answer should always be 'yes', why quantity over quality may actually be more correct when it comes to friendships in our 20s and the benefit on getting our heart broken and loving as deeply as possible during this period. We also cover my 7 tips for personal growth to make the most out of this decade, from letting go of our ego to taking time to uncover our childhood wounds, as well as the power of just having a laugh at yourself every now and then. All that and more, listen now!
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thatpsychologypodcast/
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ThePsychologyofyour20s
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How do we actually make the most of our 20s? Career anxiety, feeling stuck, taking risks and managing our money (do we spend or save) are all big concerns we have in this period. So how do we manage these dilemmas and choices to create our dream life in our 20s, and what does that dream life even look like? In part one of our mini series, we examine the major decisions we make during this decade around our future and how we can approach them to get the best outcome. We discuss the importance of taking risks, moving to a new city, quitting your terrible job and trying as many things as possible. We also talk money, dymystifying some of the stigma around how people in their 20s are actually spending their money and why you should be spending on experiences rather than temporary things. Listen now! Part two out Friday!
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thatpsychologypodcast/
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ThePsychologyofyour20s
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Trauma seems like a bit of a black box at times, something that we all experience as part of our life journey as humans but surrounded by a lot of misinformation. In this episode, we are joined by our guest, Dr MC McDonald, author of The Trauma Response Is Never Wrong to break down all of the science and psychology behind why we react to trauma the way we do, suppressed memories, what actually counts as 'traumatic' and the impact of trauma on our body. We also explore some of the more unexpected traumas we encounter and attempt to answer the question "will I ever heal from my trauma?". All that and more in this episode.
Follow Dr MC: https://www.instagram.com/mc.phd/
Purchase her book here: https://www.amazon.com/Unbroken-Trauma-Response-Never-Things/dp/1683648846
Follow me: https://www.instagram.com/thatpsychologypodcast/
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ThePsychologyofyour20s
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Love and attachment feel very similar, and it's very easy to confuse the two especially in the early stages of dating when we are overwhelmed by infatuation and the novelty of a new relationship. However, they are very different. Whilst love is a deliberate choice, mutual, selflessness, and long lasting, attachment is unconscious, can be one-sided and based on what serves our needs. Confusing these two feelings can cause us to pursue the wrong people, invest too quickly and, at times, end up hurt and disappointed. Today we're going to explore how to tell the difference, why we need to protect ourselves from getting attached too quickly, especially when we are prone to fantasy bonding or bread crumbing, and how to detach and let that bond develop slowly. We're also going to talk about the 6 questions we can use to answer the question: am I in love, or am I just attached? Listen now!
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thatpsychologypodcast/?hl=en
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/ThePsychologyofyour20s
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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In this episode, I want to talk about depression. And not just from a psychological and scientific perspective but also from a personal perspective, sharing parts of my story. It's not something I've talked about much on the podcast but recently I've really come to terms with my own shame and stigma and I want to discuss where I'm at now, the journey I've been on and how its impacted the life I've created for myself in my 20s. We're also going to explore some of the key principles and theories behind the origins of depression, misconceptions, the different forms of depression, historical recognition of this condition, whether exercise really is a 'cure', and the new frontier of depression research, including the proposed use of psychedelics and ketamine.
If you or someone you know needs help, please see the below resources:
Beyond Blue - https://www.beyondblue.org.au/
Black Dog Institute - https://www.blackdoginstitute.org.au/resources-support/depression/
Lifeline (for immediate over the phone support) - 13 11 14
For further reading, please see the below articles:
Genetic Factors in Major Depression - https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6065213/
Childhood Trauma and Its Relationship to Chronic Depression in Adulthood - https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4677006/
Depression as a disease of modernity - https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3330161/
Effects of Naturalistic Psychedelic Use on Depression, Anxiety, and Well-Being - https://www.frontiersin.org/articles/10.3389/fpsyt.2022.831092/full
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Everyone is talking about healing our inner child, but what about our inner teenager? We experience certain things in adolescence that we don't experience as children and these can manifest in different behaviours, defence mechanisms and emotional wounds that continue with us into adulthood. Whilst the inner child is seen as gentle and vulnerable, the inner teen may be angry, misunderstood and lonely. So in this episode we break some some of the psychology and theories behind healing your inner teen, including the interactions with our hormones, certain life experiences and the impact of our first romantic encounters and sexual experiences. We also explore how we can release the rage of our inner teen, express those wounds and use the adult chair method to feel more connected with this past version.
The Adult Chair Podcast: https://open.spotify.com/show/4FzdV2nB2BZlywCxowM1Xw?si=080b7a4a392d4dde
Patreon: https://patreon.com/ThePsychologyofyour20s?utm_medium=clipboard_copy&utm_source=copyLink&utm_campaign=creatorshare_creator&utm_content=join_link
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thatpsychologypodcast/
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All of us are going to mess up. In our 20s and every decade thereafter. But its what we choose to do with those mistakes that's important. In this episode we explore why we often regret past decisions and actions, looking at the development of our brain and personality, we also explore the distinction between regret and guilt and why both emotions may actually be protecting us from future pain. Part of this is understanding the difference between our actual and ideal self and the psychology behind why we choose to punish ourselves for past mistakes rather than embrace them and move on. Self forgiveness is the most powerful antidote and we'll dive into exactly how to enact this practice and release those painful memories and mistakes from our past through accountability and shared humanity. Listen now!
Patreon: https://patreon.com/ThePsychologyofyour20s
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thatpsychologypodcast/?hl=en
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It’s something we all inevitably experience in our dating lives, the pain of a break-up, saying goodbye to someone we loved and then, one day, the realisation that your ex has moved on and is with someone new. It can be incredibly confronting and painful, so today we're going to explore exactly why it hurts, even if deep down, we know we were never going to work. We will dive into the psychological ideas and theories behind rosy retrospection, social comparison, our self worth and the emotional and psychological closure that occurs when our ex moves on. We also examine the role of the rebound and why it’s important to take time to heal before getting into a new relationship, as explained by the addiction model of heartbreak and stages of grief. But finally, what next? Now that the chapter has finally closed, how do we move on and heal in a healthy manner and ignore those lingering self doubts that everything we had with our ex, they're now having with someone. All that and more in this episode, listen now!
Patreon: https://patreon.com/ThePsychologyofyour20s
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thatpsychologypodcast/?hl=en
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This week we're discussing the secret and the science behind the healing powers of nature. Our generation has become increasingly detached from the outdoors and our wild roots, with over 90% of our days spent indoors or on a screen, often at the expense of our mental wellbeing, sense of self, psychological and spiritual connection with the land and overall physical health. In this episode we explore ideas around nature deficit disorder, recent longitudinal studies on the impacts of green spaces on our mental health and practices such as forest bathing, forest schools, water therapy and what we can learn from the deep connection that Indigenous groups have with the land. We also discuss how we can easily integrate more time outdoors into our daily routine to radically improve our psychological wellbeing. Listen now.
Patreon: https://patreon.com/ThePsychologyofyour20s
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thatpsychologypodcast/?hl=en
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Independence is highly regarded as an admirable personality trait - we are obsessed with people who are self made, who solo travel, pay their own bills and don't seem to need anyone. However, our sense of independence can become problematic when we approach the point of hyper-independency. Hyper-independence refers to an excessive sense of self sufficiency and self reliance, in which we deny the help of others, prefer doing things on our own and avoid emotional vulnerability. Researchers have since suggested that this kind of behaviour may actually be a trauma response, whereby we push others away to protect ourselves from being hurt due to past experiences. In today's episode we break down the psychology of hyper-independence, specifically its origins in childhood emotional neglect and being forced to grow up too soon. We examine the major indicators of hyper-independence, the links to codependency, as well as the consequences this can have for our love lives and careers, whilst also exploring how we can heal. Listen now.
Patreon: https://patreon.com/ThePsychologyofyour20s
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thatpsychologypodcast/?hl=en
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So often in life, we are our own worst enemies. The meanest and loudest voice in our head is our own. So why are we so hard on ourselves? In this episode we break down the psychological underpinnings behind our inner critic, from the proposed evolutionary role of negative self talk, to the influence of our upbringing including the distinction between conditional and unconditional positive regard, parental expectations and childhood bullying. We examine how social comparison and overthinking can contribute to a poor self perception but, also, how we can adopt the methods of radical self compassion and cognitive diffusion to silence that inner voice and be free from self judgement. Listen now!
Patreon: https://patreon.com/ThePsychologyofyour20s
Harvard Business Review article: https://hbr.org/2021/05/stop-being-so-hard-on-yourself
Follow me on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thatpsychologypodcast/?hl=en&__coig_restricted=1
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