Episodes
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What if you had a road map to a sober life you love? What if it came in four simple steps? Does that sound easier than a lifetime of 'working on yourself'?
I know that life is not simple; humans are complex. We have emotions, backgrounds, circumstances, and it would be foolish to think that we could expect everyone's sober journey to look the same. But, after 5+ years of working with hundreds and hundreds of women on their AF journey, I have discovered a few things to help you move forward.
Having a framework is powerful; it allows our minds to focus in on the process and can help make change less overwhelming. The first two steps from last week are: know yourself and grow yourself. I have found that starting with these two explorations sets us up for the next two steps: love yourself and be yourself.
Let's unpack this together:
Love Your SELF: Learning to love ourselves is hard for most of us. Drinking can rob us of the ability to love ourselves fully. We often carry shame, guilt and regret about our drinking and over-drinking. When we put down the bottle, we can begin to practice loving thoughts and behaviors towards ourselves. This is the ultimate self-care; learning to care for ourselves with love and compassion.
Be Your SELF: As we learn the first three steps, we gradually start to feel more comfortable in our own skin. We feel more authentic, and we find ways to ask for more, and to give more. Learning to 'be' is the ultimate lesson in life, one that takes a lifetime to learn. When alcohol is present, we delay this beautiful evolution. When alcohol is removed, we start the great adventure of life!
Full Show Notes HERE
Want to know about The SELF Experience? Find out more HERE
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Today, I share two areas that I am focused on and that I help clients explore when we ask, 'what now, what next?' on this alcohol-free journey.
The first place to start is to KNOW yourself. So many of us go through life without asking 'who are we?'. I love self-reflection and I love a good quiz, but trust me, finding out which Disney Princess you are is not the same as knowing yourself:)
It's not that we have purposefully gone through life without looking in the mirror, but women wear a lot of hats; wife, mother, employee, caregiver. It's no surprise that we often filter who we are by who we are with. And, for many of us, giving up alcohol allows us to start to explore who we are outside the roles we play, who we are on the inside.
The second step, I believe, on this path to living alcohol-free is to GROW yourself. When we leave alcohol behind, we are in a unique position of having more time, energy and clarity to devote to personal growth.
Here are a few takeaways from this episode:
How to get to know yourself again What are core values, and why do they matter? Ways to grow into your AF life How to lead with curiosityShow Notes HERE
If you would enjoy participating in a small group and having a guide, I invite you to check out The SELF Experience program where we spend time on these two important steps of not only living AF but thriving AF! The SELF Experience
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Missing episodes?
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Are you ready for a Good Mood Revolution? I know I am! I think we can all use a bit more joy and happiness in our daily lives.
I sat down with Matt O'Neill, author and podcast host of The Good Mood Revolution. We had an enlightening conversation about the 8 Negative Moods and the 8 Positive Moods. Matt is an expert at breaking down big concepts into bite-sized, actionable steps.
Here are some highlights from our chat:
How to catch yourself doing something right The biggest myth about happiness Why you should focus on your negative thoughts Never complain again - your new superpowerMatt's book will be released in mid-December. What a perfect read for the New Year!
Show Notes HERE
Want to hear Matt talk about his book? He will be joining us in January in The Sober Edge Book Club as part of our Author Spotlight series. Find out how to join the club HERE
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My journey continues beyond learning how to become AF and yours will too.
I think the most striking difference between becoming AF and living AF is the shift in focus and time. I have experienced and witnessed what is possible when alcohol is out of the way.
Time feels different now that I am living alcohol-free. The time I used to spend drinking, thinking about drinking and recovering from drinking is now ‘new time’. And, with a new sense of time, I have been able to explore this next chapter of my life. When I was drinking, time passed with me numbing out and with opportunities missed. Now, time is lived vs. passed. I create experiences vs. avoiding them.
I shared in Part 1 my journey through my first Sober Anniversary. In those first 12 months, so many things shifted for me, but I was still focusing a lot on behavior and those raw emotions. I spent that first year doing a few things that set me up for the next stage - living alcohol-free.
I didn’t have a road map or a guide for my AF journey (boy, do I wish I had!). I think I pushed my way through those first few months with force - I even used some of my anger to fuel my resolve. But, as I moved past year 1, my emotions started to level, and I began to feel excited and peaceful as I settled into my ‘new normal’.
(Listen in on this episode to hear more of my lessons, or go to the Show Notes)
The lessons continue. Just like happiness is a direction, not a destination, living AF is an expansive state of being, not a place where we arrive. If I had stopped at just ‘becoming alcohol-free’, I would have stayed in that place of focusing on my behavior and my emotions. I would have missed the place where I am now, a place where the adventure of life continues to unfold in new and surprising ways.
Cheers to LIVING Alcohol-Free!
Full Show Notes Here
The SELF Experience - find out more about living AF!
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On October 18, 2015, I woke up with a slight hangover and a mountain of guilt. I had let myself down, again, but I had also let other people down. I felt like a horrible person, someone I didn't recognize. I had finally had enough - enough of letting alcohol be the most important relationship in my life.
After that one decision almost 9 years ago, my life has unfolded in ways I could only have imagined. While I felt in my gut that I was meant for more, I had spent so long tamping down my dreams and ideas that I had no idea what might lie ahead. I have always been a 'personal growth junkie' listening to Zig Ziglar on cassette tapes and joining several MLM's to rub shoulders with other dreamers. But my dreams were always plagued with doubts that I could do more and be more. I now recognize that alcohol was a way to soften the blow of an unfulfilled life.
This episode is a 'look back' at becoming AF, it's a glimpse into those early days. In this episode I share 4 things I have embraced by becoming AF.
Next week, I will follow up with 'Living Alcohol-Free' a glimpse into these past 8 years and I will share 5 more things I've learned along the way.
Show Notes Here
Empowered AF 5x Coaching Certification - the doors are closing! This is your chance to join and save $1000. If you have wondered, dreamed or imagined becoming a life coach and helping other's experience freedom from alcohol, this is an incredible offer. Use this link to find our more, apply and save $1000!
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What if you stopped drinking and followed your passion for a new AF business? That's exactly what happened to Marlys Aspinwall and her husband Chuck.
In 2021, after she found herself drinking too much during COVID, Marlys decided to take a break. Her husband quickly followed her lead. Three months later, they opened a pop-up bottle shop.
Marlys shares in this episode of The Sober Edge podcast that at the time, they hadn't even decided that their break from alcohol was going to be permanent. But, after experiencing the connection and the opportunity to encourage their customers, they were hooked. Chuck began searching for a brick and mortar storefront where they could set up a bottle shop and a sober bar.
I asked Marlys to share some tips for starting an AF business and for working with your partner. Here's what she had to share:
Divide the key aspects of the business based on what you are good at and love to do Get the community involved Ask for help ...and more!Find the full show notes HERE, along with a coupon code for 15% off your first order!
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Are you tired of talking about alcohol and drinking and not drinking? I get it, just as we can experience recovery fatigue, I believe we can also burn out by talking about alcohol too much.
Yep, I want to invite you to NOT talk about alcohol.
I have shared before my philosophy that 'behavior comes last'. A quick refresher: changing our behavior is only one part of changing our relationship with alcohol. We must also change our thoughts and beliefs about alcohol. We have to go beyond willpower and the outdated idea of not 'picking up' (as the solution) as they say in some recovery circles.
The reality is, with my coaching clients, we spend only a small percentage of our time talking about drinking and not drinking. What we talk about instead is the reasons behind our drinking. We focus on making alcohol small by building a bigger life, one we don't want to hide from.
In this podcast episode, I break down the steps of what to do instead and why this is the sweet spot to lasting change.
Full Show Notes HERE
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Midlife is often a time of big transitions. Giving up alcohol can also create monumental shifts. As we move through these transitions, we sometimes leave parts of ourselves behind, and sometimes we leave others behind.
My friend and fellow coach Aimee Ames has been on her own transitional journey, including going back to school to become a Functional Nutritionist, redefining her relationship with alcohol and ending a 23-year marriage. Along the way, Aimee discovered that 'you are your one true partner'. I love this saying as it reminds me of what I came to recognize in my own path: the one person who will be with you at the end, is you.
I am excited to share this conversation with you. Aimee is an incredible human who shares her wisdom freely and shares the difficult parts as well.
Amy also talked about her work with the Somatica Institute, training as an intimacy coach and a sex and relationship coach.
Find out more in the Show Notes HERE
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There's a saying, "You become like the 5 people you spend the most time with". The wisdom behind this statement is the urgency. We recognize that we have a limited amount of time to rub shoulders with people who inspire us and challenge us to grow. And, it can prompt us to choose our friends wisely. Spend time with negative people and we might find ourselves complaining more. Spend time with positive people and we suddenly feel more energy and hopefulness.
In this podcast episode, I break down the ways we can do a personal inventory and start noticing if the things we are allowing into our lives are bringing us 'up' or bringing us 'down'. This exercise requires intention and space; the exact things that we have access to when we put alcohol aside.
We can use our clarity of mind, our free time and our energy to engage in new ways. But, beyond just bringing new things in and filling our days haphazardly, this exercise invites you to notice what feels good, what lights you up, what sparks your curiosity and your passion.
This alcohol-free life is a catalyst to paying attention; this is your opportunity to build the life you want!
Full Show Notes HERE
The Sober Summit - get your free ticket HERE
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What's on your bucket list? Chances are it includes at least one place you want to travel to. But traveling sober? Many of us are nervous and might even avoid the idea of planning a sober vacation. After all, if you are like most of us, travel and alcohol went together without question.
Meet my friend Michelle Plante. Michelle is the founder of Michelle Plante Travels and, since becoming alcohol-free at the very beginning of 2019, her travel plans always include fabulous adventures where no alcohol is needed.
In addition to taking her travel experiences to a whole new level, Michelle shares what else has changed since becoming AF:
She found the courage to leave a corporate job she felt stuck in Being AF allows her to quickly know if something is a yes or a no ...and more!After discovering the joys of AF travel, Michelle is now curating Wellness, Adventure and Luxe trips for sober women.
Check out Michelle's adventures to Costa Rica and India, and follow along with her special travel blogs: all links in Show Notes
Are you excited about The 2024 Sober Summit? Get your free ticket to 24 fabulous speakers - link in Show Notes
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If you have ever wondered if other people talk to themselves, the answer is yes. In one form or another, everyone has a voice in their head. This voice has a lot to say, and we listen. According to Ethan Kross, author of 'Chatter', if you have ever replayed a conversation in your mind, or coached yourself through a problem or skill, you've used your inner voice. Most people rely on and benefit from theirs every day. But what happens when our inner coach turns into the inner critic?
The clients I work with often find themselves stuck in negative self-talk and turning the talk around is an important part of coaching. On the current episode of the podcast, I share several ways to bring awareness to the voice in our heads and make peace with it. There are practical tips that help us become the 'cheerleader' vs. the 'critic':
How to bring awareness to the voice in your head How others can help The power of perspective, aka self-distancingFind out more tips in the Show Notes
And you struggle with negative self-talk, I am offering a book study, starting at the end of September, that will feature Chatter by Ethan Kross. This series will provide practical steps to turn that voice into your on-call coach! Find out more HERE
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Loneliness is possible even when we are surrounded by people. In today's culture, we have more opportunities than ever to connect - we can face a family member, catch up with a video chat or reach out with a text message. Yet we often feel disconnected from others.
My guest on the podcast this week is Nick Jonsson, an executive coach and alcohol-free coach who understands the impact of loneliness. In fact, he wrote a book on the subject, 'Executive Loneliness'. In 2018, Nick found himself stressed out, drinking too much and feeling disconnected from his family, his friends and from life. He decided to make a change and, with the help of a 12-step program, he started his sober journey. Because of the anonymity of his program, Nick recovered in secret and didn't share openly about his new lease on life. That changed in 2019 when a good friend committed suicide. Nick realized that he had no idea his friend was struggling, and he vowed to start a brave conversation about loneliness, mental health and recovery.
Visit the Show Notes page to learn more about Nick and his work
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IAccording to a 2018 independent study by Drinkware, 60% of adults admit to using alcohol to cope with stress. If your stress is caused by burnout, alcohol is the worst possible solution.
In our conversation today, my guest Jamie Phillips, shared the signs of burnout:
Living in fight or flight Never recovering from stress Adrenal fatigue/exhaustion Loss of agency Survival mode Brain fog Poor sleepIn addition to burnout and recovery, Jamie and I talked about how 'drinking was her favorite thing' and the prevalence of alcohol in the queer community. Jamie shares openly and honestly how she discovered a deeper layer of purpose behind alcohol.
You can find out more in the Show Notes
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I am excited to dig deep into our belief system and how these conscious and sub-conscious beliefs can keep us stuck as we make changes in our relationship with alcohol and beyond.
First, let's talk about the three levels of belief - particularly relevant when we think about alcohol:
Substance (what we believe about the liquid alcohol Society (what our culture, our family of origin and society tells us about alcohol that we have come to accept as the truth) Self (what we believe about ourselves that relates to alcohol)These levels of belief are in order (1-3) intentionally. Challenging our belief system gets harder as we move from substance to society to self. (For more on this, and examples, listen to this week's podcast episode.)
So, how are beliefs formed, and how do we challenge the beliefs that no longer serve us?
Listen in to learn how beliefs are formed and the socratic method which can help you discern your own truth when it comes to alcohol.
More details in the SHOWNOTES
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Women's Hormones - Menopause - Weight Gain - Alcohol - Fasting
In today's episode we talk about women's hormones and my guest helps break down what we can do to thrive no matter what stage of life we are in!
Meet my friend and fellow coach, Elly Young. Elly is a wealth of information when it comes to understanding how best to support our hormones. Elly is an expert in cycle-syncing, which is a fascinating practice of eating to support your hormones. And, if you are post-menopausal, you can learn to use metabolic-syncing to achieve the same results!
This episode is packed with great information to empower you to support your body as you age. Some of the subjects we cover:
How increased cortisol from alcohol can impact our hormones (and contribute to breast cancer risk) The need to keep our liver healthy (goodbye alcohol) to help detox from estrogen - too much estrogen means hormone imbalance and also contributes to an increased risk of breast cancer. Why eating low-carb can create an imbalance in our hormones How to rebalance your hormones in just 30 days When Elly realized "I will never be skinny again"Visit the Show Notes HERE
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We all want to understand the meaning of life, and so do our mythical heroes. They often go on adventures to strange worlds, fight dark forces, and come back with new knowledge.
The hero’s journey explains this adventure by breaking it into stages. It shows how a hero faces and overcomes challenges to learn and grow.
Does this remind you of your own alcohol-free journey? In this episode of The Sober Edge Podcast, I share my take on an AF hero's journey.
The 12 steps outlined in the graphic are easy to adapt to our own journey to alcohol-freedom. Just like the heroes of mythology or your favorite Star Wars character, you are called to the adventure of a lifetime!
Full Show Notes HERE
Ready for your own AF Adventure?
Join The SELF Experience waitlist for women who are alcohol-free and looking for more
Join REFRESH, a program for women who are struggling to become or stay alcohol-free
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I recently sat down with Betsy Frost, the CEO of Hoplark Brands to talk about drinking less, the NA industry, and why she believes hops are 'magic'.
Hoplark brings us the 'Yes And…' which is to say it brings the flavor and the complexity of hops to tea, sparkling water and 0.0 beverages. A range of products that have zero sugar, zero alcohol and zero calories!
Betsy shares that hops are a magical ingredient that has basically been ‘held hostage’ by the beer makers for hundreds of years. And, Hoplark is taking back hops and bringing the brewing aspect without the fermentation or malt into a new variety of beverages to delight the palate.
Frost describes the brewers at Hoplark as a ‘bunch of passionate 'hopheads’ who want to ‘free hops from beer’. But, the company philosophy goes beyond hops. Betsy shares in this episode of The Sober Edge Podcast that Hoplark Brands delivers a new way of thinking about alcohol-free beverages - beyond personal choice but offering new and inclusive options. She sees this class of beverages as less ‘anti-alcohol’ and more ‘pro-options’.
Tune in to hear more of our conversation, including:
How Hoplark leaves out the fermentation to create a 0.0 option Her personal philosophy of 'yes and'... Why big beer companies getting into the NA game is a good thing And more...Head to the Show Notes HERE to grab a 35% discount code to try Hoplark Teas, 0.0 and Sparkling Waters!
And, if you are ready to say 'no' to alcohol and 'yes' to a bigger, more flavorful life, grab a time on my calendar and let's chat! Free Discovery Call HERE
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My friend and colleague Kristin Horstman is a certified Gray Area Drinking Coach with a specialty in helping clients learn how to nourish their nervous system.
We also touch on:
Perfectionism Polyvagal Theory Focusing on the body brings us into the present Focusing on our thoughts leads us to the past or future How to recognize when we are regulated or deregulatedKristin also has a passion for a non-profit organization, CMC, Foundation For Change. This organization helps support family members whose loved ones are dealing with substance use. She shares the philosophy of the CMS which is based on science and kindness. My favorite part is that CMC goes beyond offering support and actually teaches skills to help one feel empowered to care for their loved one. This program can help families let go of the outdated ‘tough love’ method and lead with connections.
Find out more about the work of CMC and Kristin in the Show Notes
Kristin and I also get to hang out together in The Sober Edge Book Club - if you are a sober curious or sober serious woman who loves books - please consider joining us! More Info HERE
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Life's adventures come in many forms. My recent conversation with friend and colleague Racquel Reid brought this home.
We have the adventures we choose, the adventures thrust upon us and the adventures we let go.
When Racquel left on her travel adventure, she never imagined that she would end up in her current situation. Yet, somehow, Racquel has found a place of adventure and freedom even in the midst of hardship and struggles. Her journey of finding her 'wild and free' is inspiring and heartwarming.
In our conversation we touch on:
How travel breeds self-trust, flexibility and leaning into new experiences Wherever you go, there you are! Finding her feet And more...Visit the Show Notes for More
Stop Drinking Now, Even if You Are 50, 60 or beyondMidlife is the perfect time to take a break from alcohol. "Stop Drinking in Your 50's and Beyond" is created exclusively for midlife women. Get the tactical support and the key foundation in only 6 weeks. Simple, affordable, effective. Learn More
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As an alcohol freedom coach, I emphasize the importance of community as we go through this monumental change. Traveling together means we get support, understanding and a shared sense of camaraderie that doesn't (always) happen in other places.
As an entrepreneur and business owner in this alcohol-free space, I wanted a community that supported my unique business. This is a mission-driven business for most of us. It is also a place where passion projects abound. All of us deserve a supportive place to hang out.
I met Maggie Klaassens at a Sober In The City event in Portland, ME last September. As we got to know one another, we realized we both had a burning desire to create a community for entrepreneurs just like us. And so, The Sober Hive was born!
The mission of The Sober Hive is aligned with these three principles:
Community Connection CollaborationLet's come together to grow this AF movement!
Find out more about The Sober Hive
Show Notes HERE
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