Episodes
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We're back! It's a Chanukah miracle! Hallmark released a Chanukah Time Travel Romance movie with gay women in it, a move seemingly designed to get us back on the mic again. We talk about this (spoiler alert) good and very fun movie, spend a hot second on what Chanukah means to us in this particular moment in time, and somehow still have time to google "Is Shia Lebeouf Jewish?" You're welcome for this late Chanukah, early Christmas present.
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Happy Wednesday one and all, and welcome back to Hallmark land, where usually the tradeoff for some light misogyny and predictable dialogue is a straightforward romance ending with a beautifully chaste kiss. But alas, just when you think they'll zig, they zag. Or really, I guess the 10th time you think they'll zig, they zag. So join us as we try to parse through all the romances in this late, great film (you'll get that later) and also do some Terminator world building before going down quite the rabbit hole trying to figure out why this movie couldn't handle an attractive lady simply doing her job. Oh, also, Helena carves out an entire section of the podcast to discuss what the movie got right and wrong about living in Midcoast Maine. Get excited.
Also, get excited about us generally and like and subscribe and all that. Thanks.
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Missing episodes?
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Eyy! We’re walkin’ here! This week, we take you to the magical land of Queens, New Yawk, a fictional place where the Northern Lights are often visible and you can talk to your long-dead dad—but only if it’s about sports! Tune in to learn about how Dennis Quaid decided to spend his COVID quarantine (whatever you’re imagining, we guarantee you’re wrong!) and hear us discuss the rampant copaganda that pretty much ruined this one for us. Also, find out if Paige knows what baseball is! Let’s go Mets!
If you’d like to take US out to the ballgame, you can let us know by rating, reviewing and/or subscribing!
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Do you like this podcast but wish we would dig deeper and answer life's major questions, such as: Do Legos have free will? And what are the Gender Politics of Legos? And, most importantly, will Paige ever stop trying to explain the plot of Happy Feet? Well then, this is the episode for you. Luckily, for this journey, we are joined by friend, lawyer, and Lego enthusiast, Max Reinhardt! Listen in to hear about an unnecessary sequel with some fun time travel reference points and inconsistent plot devices.
Follow Max's fun food-inside-other-foods instagram @foodie_inside_jokes and his weekly Spotify playlist here.
Also, rate, review, and subscribe to us.
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Happy 2023 timesluts! Welcome to a new year, a fresh start where are you finally free of Christmas magic and time loops that only come in packs of 12. We celebrate this clean slate with a new movie centered on the very modern technology of the cassette player. You know, that thing everyone is still apparently using in 2022 like it's no big deal. Spotify, who? Well, at least Danny Glover is here too.
Once you've pressed pause, or stop, or whatever the button is on cassette players, you can then find the rate, review, subscribe buttons. They exist if you believe in the power of the mix-tape hard enough.
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Merry end of Christmas season to you and yours! We hope you're enjoying the weird period of life between Christmas and New Year's right now and that no one's making you work too hard. We wrap up our Christmas time travel romance season this year with an ABC Family classic starring people who were relevant 10-20 years before this movie came out! This is our second "12 Days of Christmas" song themed time loop movie of the cycle, so its like...are we in a time loop now? Have the loopers become the loopees? And, if we're not stuck in a time loop, why does Paige keep bringing up the TV show, Suits?
Now we move on to the part of the loop where we ask you to rate, review, subscribe, etc.
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What are you willing to risk for one more espresso/ex-presso kiss? This is the big philosophical question at the heart of this week's podcast as we discuss yet another Hallmark time travel romance Christmas spectacular, Just in Time for Christmas. Some other less important questions that we try to answer for you: Does Christopher Lloyd belong on Rachel McAdams Court of Time Travel Icons? Is William Shatner good at acting? Why do people in these movies keep insisting people who think they have head injuries should go to sleep? And will Hallmark ever let a woman get over a man? Grab some hot cocoa and tune in to find out.
While waiting for the cocoa to get hot and then slightly cool down, take a moment to rate, review, subscribe, etc.
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On the Third Day of Thanksgiving Weekend, this podcast gave to me: 2 Blonde Love Interests, 1 Molly Shannon, and a USA network original Christmas time-travel movie. Did you like that? One of us worked very hard on it to make up for the terrible audio-quality on this podcast episode, recorded from our respective parents' houses on the Saturday of Thanksgiving weekend, when every podcast-host is at their most potato-y. We hope you GOBBLE this up, anyway. Also, we got got, and he does not end up with either of the identical blonde love interests. Or Molly Shannon! (Paige, and only Paige, was really rooting for that.) We discuss all of this as well as ya know, capitalism and how the idea of nuclear family takes away from us caring for our community at large, and we also find time to take a trip down memory lane to name a bunch of USA original shows that may or may not have existed during our lifetime. Enjoy!
Not that we really care, because potatoes don't care about these sorts of things, but if you want to rate, review, subscribe, etc, you can.
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It's the most wonderful time of the year, folks! The time where we get to prove to you we can go even more niche in our sub-genre and do only CHRISTMAS time-travel romance movies. Yes, we still have more of these even three years in. And while today's movie does not have an original plot, a great romance, or even believable eyebrows, it does have the BEST title of a film we have encountered to date. Also, it has both Carrie Fisher (yes, THAT Carrie Fisher) and Carson Kressley in it, as well as potentially decent politics for a Hallmark movie. So buckle up kids, and get ready to learn some lessons about greed or being alone or something.
Also, get in the holiday spirit and be nice to us specifically by rating, reviewing, subscribing. -
Happy Halloween timesluts! To celebrate this spoooooky season we are watching this spoooooky movie with spooooky friend of the pod, Christine Rogers. We share all our spooooky thoughts about that spooooky Jake Gyllenhaal and his spooooky rabbit friend. We also spend way too long discussing all the spooooky songs that were banned after spoooooky 9/11 happened and how Christine and her spooooky husband became spooooky boyfriend and spooooky girlfriend via text message because high school romance is truly the spoooookiest thing of them all.
Give us a spoooooky rating or spooooky review and then spoooookily subscribe. -
We did, we did, we did. We watched this Hallmark classic that sadly did not have the budget to put in the Abba song that shares its name. Don't worry, we still sing it for you though. We also sing the Skyrizi jingle because it is both the jingle for a medication that treats severe plaque psoriasis and Paige's absolute favorite song. We also talk a lot about this movie and all the great art that it maybe purposefully but probably accidentally references such as When Harry Met Sally, Sex and the City, Into the Woods, and, most importantly, Rugrats in Paris. Also, wellness grifts and skinny jeans.
When it comes to rating, reviewing, and subscribing, we say: Do it, do it, do it. Thanks, thanks, thanks.
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We are cool. We are hip. We are the moment. Listen along as we discuss this extremely recent Peacock release starring the charming Kaley Cuoco and Pete Davidson. There is lots to unpack, including a time-travel tanning bed, a lot of metaphors around self-harm, and our first voluntary time loop. Also, content warning: you wouldn't know it by its cutesy trailers, but this movie discusses suicide a whole lot, and we discuss that discussion within the episode. Also, despite our best efforts, we cannot seem to escape the inevitable discussion about what Pete Davidson's whole deal is, so if you don't want to listen to that either, no hard feelings.
Rate, review, subscribe, etc. But actually.
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Welcome to the Mark Ruffalo fan club's official podcast! Not really, but you'd sure think so with how much time we spend thirsting over him in this episode. Joining us on our journey is one of our best friends and yet another guest who claims to be the #1 timeslut, Grace Experience! She is an icon, a star, a friend, a lover (not of ours, but like in general), a mother (in the metaphorical sense), and, most importantly, a Scorpio. Join us for a truly great time talking about this very good movie that no one saw! It features so many people you know and a reunion between Mark Ruffalo and Jennifer Garner, previously seen melting hearts in the time-travel rom-com classic, 13 Going on 30. It also stars Ryan Reynolds and Zoe Saldana, who convince us that not only is time travel real, so is love.
You know what else is real? Ratings on your podcast app. No matter how much we pretend they're not. So rate, review, subscribe, etc.
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There's a review of this silly, dumb, delightful movie somewhere in this podcast episode. However, you will have to wade through a lot of Jonathon Bennet engagement content to get there. Also, we've peppered in a few too many references to old episodes of RuPaul's Drag Race. Double also, this movie inspired a new subsection of our "Ladies, did we just time travel back to the 1950s?" section that we're calling "You Won't Break My Soul". If you don't know where we're headed with that, you have not been listening to enough Beyoncé and are a bad feminist. Release your job.
Don't quit us though. Rate, review, etc.
CLICK HERE FOR THE ENGAGEMENT VIDEO HEARD AROUND THE WORLD.
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Welcome to Time After Time, which has now become exclusively about how much we love Gerard Butler. That’s a change you weren’t expecting? Well, neither were we, but sometimes the timeline changes. Anyway, this movie boasts a lot of big names and an even bigger budget, so the fact that you’ve never heard of it really tells you all you need to know, but you can still listen to us talk about it for over an hour if you want more details on how and why it flopped so hard.
Between listening to this podcast and watching every Gerard Butler romcom you can get your hands on, please rate, review, subscribe, etc.
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Welcome to the worst thing that these two podcast hosts have ever seen. And we've watched so many terrible Hallmark movies. Luckily, we can make lemonade out of these cave lemons by talking about it with our very special guest, Morgan Fecto, one of Helena's oldest friends who refers to themselves as "the world's biggest timeslut". Today we learn that in 1985 not one woman wore a bra and the army made caves shake a lot, which apparently sent a terrible, terrible man and all of his pairs of underwear back to 25,000 B.C.E. to learn absolutely no lessons about anything. Don't watch this movie!
Do rate, review, and subscribe. Especially if you also want to vie for the "world's biggest timeslut" crown. Pageant announcement coming soon.
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Welcome to Before You Say I Do, a middling Hallmark romantic comedy that begs the question, "Do yellow light wishes come true?" and "Why are we pretending yellow light wishes are a thing?" Join us as we try to answer these questions as well as determine if a relationship is worth literally anything at all if it doesn't end in marriage. Also which characters in this movie have a death wish and the surprisingly delightful history behind the Budweiser "WASSSSUPPPP??!?!" ad campaign.
We love you, but we won't pressure you into marriage. Just into rating, reviewing, and subscribing wherever you get your pods.
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And we're back! A couple European countries and one Covid quarantine later, and we are rarin' to go, with more useless facts in Blast From The Past than ever before! But also a lot of social context for the Mark Twain novel that the movie truly does not care about giving to you. Also, a mini-review of the not-quite-time-travel-but-almost 1930s movie, Just Imagine. Find it on Youtube, kids.
Lastly, here's an article that gives even more context to the crazy story about Bing Crosby dating a lady who went on to marry his son:
https://www.newspapers.com/clip/34936579/pat-sheehan-will-marry-dennis-crosby/
If that doesn't earn us a 5-star rating, we give up.
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As discussed in our 50th Episode Celebration, we were busy being world travelers, so this week's episode is a re-release. And, of course, it had to be Shrek. See you with new content in two weeks!
Original Episode Info:
It feels like the entire podcast has been leading to this moment. We finally get to talk about the Academy Award winning Shrek saga. We specifically get to talk about the time travel antics and romance in the final (maybe? for now?) installment of the series, Shrek Forever After. This movie was truly a delight, and we hope that delight seeps right on through this episode and into your ears and then your brain and makes you happy and also an ogre. YOU SHOULD BE SO LUCKY. Also, if your fave part of the podcast is when we burst into song or go down rabbit holes about how to get a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame, boy howdy is this the episode for you.
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Sorry this episode is late due to some technical/life glitches, but IT IS WORTH THE WAIT! We are throwing a very structured party! For ourselves! With just us! That you get to listen to! This is our 50th episode, so rather than watch another CBS made-for-TV movie, we're going to go through some overarching rules of the pod that would improve all time-travel romance movies and maybe all media in general if PEOPLE WOULD JUST LISTEN TO US. But they won't. Is it because we're the only people brave enough to stand up to the Bill-Murray-Industrial-Complex? Who knows, but probably.
After that, it's the moment you've all been waiting for as we finally do a close reading of the lyrics to the song Year 300 by The Jonas Brothers (and also some band named Busted apparently). Does this song hold up to scrutiny? Is there such thing as an amphibious Delorean? Which 2/3 of the Jonas Brothers do we think care about climate change? Listen to find out.
Also, we sweat through 50 episodes (usually literally; you have to turn off the AC unit when recording a podcast), so reward us with a rating/review wherever you're listening to this. It's something we very recently decided to care about, so do it. Thank you. See you on the other side.
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