Episodes
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What if I told you that the key to making positive changes in your life is self-love and acceptance, not self-loathing?
It may sound counterintuitive, but giving yourself credit for what you HAVE done can be incredibly motivating, especially if you've been beating yourself up over infidelity. In this episode, I guide you through an exercise to reflect on your accomplishments, big and small, over the past year. You'll be amazed at how empowering it feels!
Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/205
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Do the holidays have you feeling stuck between a rock and a hard place in your infidelity situation? You're not alone.
Trying to balance family obligations with an affair partner's desires can seem impossible. But even when you don't like your options, you still have choices. In this episode, I explore real-world scenarios and discuss how to identify your options, make decisions you feel good about, and take responsibility for your own happiness - no matter what your affair partner or spouse does.
Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/204
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Missing episodes?
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What's more important to you - your money or your freedom?
If you're stuck in a marriage you don't want to be in but are reluctant to leave because you don't want to lose half your wealth, you're not alone. Many of my clients grapple with this dilemma.
In this episode, I dig into what money really means to you and how to weigh that against the freedom to live life on your own terms. I share strategies to get clear on your values and make empowered choices so you can start untangling your thoughts around money, marriage, and living authentically.
Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/203
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Are you struggling with the idea of breaking up with your affair partner? How do you tell them it's over in a way that doesn't sound like an ultimatum? Is it possible to stay friends afterwards? And what if you work together - how do you navigate that?
This is a uniquely challenging situation that brings up a lot of difficult questions, but I’ve got you covered. In this episode, I provide compassionate, nonjudgmental guidance on how to end an affair relationship as considerately as possible. While it may never be easy, there are ways to make the process clearer for both you and your affair partner.
Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/202
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High-conflict breakups are always going to be tricky. And when infidelity is involved, feelings can get amplified, leading to some pretty interesting behavior. Some people have a particularly hard time when a relationship comes to an end, feeling sad, hurt, rejected, unloved, abandoned... even worthless.
So, how do you go about extricating yourself from a relationship with someone who is (to put it in the most simplistic terms) behaving very badly? Tune in this week for a conversation about dealing with high-conflict breakups where you’ll learn how to support yourself as this unpleasant situation unfolds.
Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://www.mariemurphyphd.com/201
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Does your marriage or your committed relationship CURRENTLY feel like home to you? Or are you running off of memories of what your relationship once felt like to you? If you are dissatisfied with your committed relationship to the point where you’re seriously considering leaving, but you think you can’t leave because your sense of home is predicated upon you staying, I invite you to listen in this week.
Through my own nostalgia for past experiences of feeling at home, I share how to identify your nostalgia and discover where it’s coming from. You’ll learn how to navigate bewildering thoughts of wanting to leave your marriage, but not wanting to lose the sense of home you have within your marriage.
Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://mariemurphyphd.com/200
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No matter what you've done or are doing in regards to your infidelity situation, you are worthy of acceptance, love, and respect. As you'll hear in this episode, I explore the idea that there ARE people out there who will understand and accept you, even if they know all the details of your infidelity. While it may seem like everyone would judge and shun you, that simply isn't true. I also answer a question from a listener about their specific infidelity situation, which will offer valuable perspective to anybody engaging in something they consider infidelity, or dealing with the aftermath of an affair ending.
Get full show notes, transcript, and more information here: https://mariemurphyphd.com/199
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What do you do if your ex-affair partner's spouse wants to talk to you about the affair? Do you owe them an apology or explanation? Is there actually anything you can say to make this person feel any better?
In this episode, I explore the tricky question of what, if anything, you might want to offer the partner of someone you had an affair with. I discuss how to set boundaries that align with your values, share strategies for engaging in difficult conversations, and you’ll learn how to decide exactly what will work best for you if you find yourself in this scenario.
Get full show notes and more information here: https://mariemurphyphd.com/198
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Have you ever reconnected with a former flame and found yourself in an affair, wondering if this is your second chance at true love? When people are engaging in affairs with someone they've been involved with in the past, they tend to see these relationships as an incredibly high-stakes situation.
Tune in this week to look at some of the major challenges of engaging in affairs with old lovers, how you might be inadvertently creating unnecessary drama through the way you think about this relationship, and what you can do about it. Even if you aren't having an affair with a long-lost former lover, you'll be able to see this human tendency to overcomplicate relationships of all kinds laid bare, so you can stop self-inflicted torture in your romantic life.
Get full show notes and more information here: https://mariemurphyphd.com/197
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Are you tolerating aspects of your life and relationship situations that you shouldn't? This week, I dive into what happens when we tolerate things we don’t like, and why we so often think we have to put up with them when we don’t. Find out why so many people don’t want to acknowledge that they are tolerating things they dislike in their affair relationships, the problem with disliking something and not being willing to face it, and what you can do if you are in this scenario.
Get full show notes and more information here: https://mariemurphyphd.com/196
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Something I hear regularly is the belief that relationships that begin as affairs cannot transition into non-affair relationships. A lot of folks I work with are CONVINCED that if they start an affair relationship, it will never be able to get onto “normal” footing, and it is simply doomed to fail. But does this have to be true? Is this what you want to be true for your relationship?
In this week’s episode, I help you disentangle a few things about your affair relationship, address the misconception that relationships that start as affairs and transition into non-affair relationships either don’t or can’t last very long, and show you why affair relationships can, in fact, last a lifetime.
Get full show notes and more information here: https://mariemurphyphd.com/195
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Are you facing doubt in your infidelity situation? Do you want to make a decision but feel uncertain about what the right decision is? Maybe you are unsure whether to end things with your marriage and pursue a relationship with your affair partner. Maybe you don’t know whether your marriage is worth fighting for. Maybe you worry about the impact that exposing your affair or leaving your committed relationship will have on the people you love.
This week, I show you how to deal with doubt in your infidelity situation and why you need to be willing to look at the thoughts you currently hold about the options available to you. Find out where doubt comes from, why you experience it in the first place, and how to stop overcomplicating the decision-making process and start making decisions that feel good to you.
Get full show notes and more information here: https://mariemurphyphd.com/194
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If you are married or in a long-term relationship and also involved with someone else, there may be one big question on your mind when you think about ending your committed relationship: what exactly do you owe yourself, your partner, or your relationship before you can decide to leave it?
This week, discover why you feel so much pressure to try everything before leaving your committed relationship and what to do to avoid staying stuck in limbo when you feel this way. I share some actions you can take if you are holding back from leaving your committed relationship simply because you feel like you owe it something, and why deciding you no longer want to be in a relationship is legitimate and doesn’t always mean you have to change something.
Get full show notes and more information here: https://mariemurphyphd.com/193
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Do you ever find yourself fantasizing about your ex-affair partner? Do you torture yourself reminiscing on the wonderful times you shared, and the amazing memories you hold with them, even though the infidelity situation has since come to an end?
Discover the reasons you might still be fantasizing about your ex-affair partner, and how to start to ease your way out of this if you really do want to relegate your memories to the compost bin of history. I share some tips to help you take action that is right for you the next time you notice yourself thinking about your ex-affair partner and the three choices you always have available to you when it comes to fantasizing about your ex-affair partner.
Get full show notes and more information here: https://mariemurphyphd.com/192
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There is a common belief that marriage should last a lifetime. So when somebody decides that they are dissatisfied with life as they know it, and engage in an infidelity situation as a result, it is commonly labeled as a midlife crisis. But what if waking up one morning and deciding you are dissatisfied with your life is a wonderful opportunity to reexamine what you want and what you want to do about it?
This week, I show you why engaging in infidelity isn’t always a symptom of a midlife crisis, and how to establish what is really going on in your life if you are doing this. Find out what so many people believe to be the solution to a midlife crisis, what I believe to be the real solution, and why it does not involve convincing yourself to stick with the status quo and be happy with what you have.
Get full show notes and more information here: https://mariemurphyphd.com/191
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The Magic Button that I’m diving deeper into this week is the one you wish you could push to answer all your questions about your infidelity situation. The one that, when you push it, your infidelity situation magically resolves in a way that you are delighted with, without you having to do much of anything. That magic button would solve all your problems, right?
I teach you how to contend with things that are challenging in your life and infidelity situation in a way that is most empowering for you. I show you the problem with looking for external examples and answers regarding what to do about your infidelity situation, and how to, instead, use your precious time and energy learning how to come up with your own answers.
Get full show notes and more information here: https://mariemurphyphd.com/190
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People often freak out when infidelity occurs, even if it has pretty much zero impact on their lives. It gets treated as a big scandal that the "perpetrator" needs to redeem themselves from. Whether or not you buy into the idea that scandal, disgrace, and redemption are real things, other people turning your experiences into a public spectacle is a very real thing, and it's a pretty big deal.
Tune in this week to discover what you need to consider if you find yourself the object of a scandalous spectacle following an affair. I share two parallel practices for dealing with being the object of a scandal, and you'll learn how to take responsibility and begin the work of redeeming yourself in your own eyes, if that's what you choose to do in this situation.
Get full show notes and more information here: https://mariemurphyphd.com/189
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Have you ever found yourself in an affair situation with someone who is monogamously committed to someone else? For a while, your partner is pretty sure they want to leave that relationship and pursue a non-affair relationship with you. They share their intentions to leave their partner for weeks, months, or even years, and they may even take action to prove these intentions.
Then, one day, your affair partner reaches the point where they decide that they can’t leave their committed relationship after all. They decide to stay in that relationship, despite everything they have said and done in their affair relationship with you. So what happened? And what the hell do you do now?! Tune in this week to find out.
Get full show notes and more information here: https://mariemurphyphd.com/188
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How often do you make a decision that you think you’re happy with, then doubt yourself and fear it was the wrong one because you feel so many mixed emotions about it? When you make a major decision in your life, about your infidelity situation or otherwise, you are most likely going to have mixed thoughts and feelings about it, but that DOESN’T mean it’s a problem or a sign you should choose differently.
In this week’s episode of Your Secret Is Safe With Me, learn why it is completely okay to change your mind on any decision you make and the importance of making decisions with a managed mind. Find out why making a decision with a managed mind doesn’t mean you can’t change your mind further down the line and how I used exactly what I’m teaching you this week in my own life to put an end to a program I was offering so soon after putting it out into the world.
Get full show notes and more information here: https://mariemurphyphd.com/187
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Join me for part two of "Why I Do the Work I Do" as I share the turning point that led me to become a relationship coach specializing in non-judgmental assistance to people engaging in infidelity, and exactly what it took for me to get here. I’m picking up where I left off last week and sharing the power of taking small steps forward, even when your confidence is wavering, and how I created this unique role for myself despite believing for a while that I didn’t have what it takes to be an entrepreneur.
You CAN create a version of yourself and your life that doesn’t exist yet, and I’m showing you how in this episode.
Get full show notes and more information here: https://mariemurphyphd.com/186
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