Episódios
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We spoke to Hayley and Becky from Paths to Parent Hub. We first came across Paths to Parent Hub when we listened to their podcast following a recommendation from a friend.
We started with Hayley and Becky sharing their own stories with us. Hayley is a donor conceived person herself and is also a parent of twins through sperm donation. Becky was diagnosed with early menopause at 28 – she and her husband did 5 rounds of IVF and then decided to use an egg donor to have her 3 children. Both Hayley and Becky shared their stories on the internet and found each other there.
Becky created Paths to Parent Hub (a membership platform) during lockdown to support people in similar situations to themselves and it now has over 1000 members.
We also talked about:
When and how Hayley found out that she was a donor conceived person and the reasons she talks about her story now. Talking with donor conceived children about how they came to be and dealing with their questions, and those from family and friends. The laws around donor conception and the parallels with adoption. The experience that Becky had abroad in finding an egg donor and how she feels now about having chosen to have an anonymous donor. Whether there is a limit on how many families one donor can produce and how this differs around the world. The reasons someone might want / need to use a donor. Hayley’s experience when finding her parent sperm donor. Terminology around donor conception. The information you get about a donor when choosing and how the matching works. What Hayley and Becky would say to people considering donor conception. About Paths to Parent Hub and the support, information and connection opportunities.Instagram - @bespokefamily / Facebook - @bespokefamily / @pathstoparenthub / @definingmum @dcp_journey_2_rp
Paths to Parent Hub website
All things donor conception - Hayley’s website
Paths to Parent Hub podcast
For information about a Bespoke Family Parent Consultation click here: https://www.bespokefamily.co.uk/parent-consultations
‘Your Guide to...’ (our downloadable webinars including behaviour, toilet training, sleep and more) - get 25% off any guide with the code ‘PODCAST’
This podcast is produced by Decibelle Creative
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Lee is Becks’s ‘Boxing trainer’ - (well kind of 😉!) and a personal trainer (to real boxers!). He is also a stay-at-home dad looking after his little girl Beaux which started when she was 3 months old.
We talked to Lee about:
As a couple how Lee and his wife came to the decision that Lee would be the main carer and how he felt about it. The reaction from friends and family to Lee staying at home with his little one. How he and his wife prepared for parenthood (reading blogs, books, listening to podcasts (ours) and talking to other parents) and how important routine and consistency was for them. The importance of working together as a team, communicating about next steps and what might need to be changed etc. How Lee fills his weeks with Beaux doing groups, dancing, swimming, crafts and play. Fitting in at baby and toddler groups and what it feels like to often be the only dad there. How Lee feels really lucky to be able to spend this amount of time with his daughter. Being an only child – the worries Lee has about Beaux being one (Claire is one too so no need to worry 😉). Dads and daughters and the wonderful bond they can have! What Lee would say to other stay at home / solo dads.Read our blogs about dads and supporting dads here -
https://www.bespokefamily.co.uk/blog/gettingtoknowmarkwilliams?rq=dad
https://www.bespokefamily.co.uk/blog/supportingdads?rq=dad
Socials: Instagram - @bespokefamily / Facebook - @bespokefamily
For information about a Parent Consultation click here: https://www.bespokefamily.co.uk/parent-consultations
‘Your Guide to...’ (our downloadable webinars including behaviour, toilet training, sleep and more) - get 25% off any guide with the code ‘PODCAST’
This podcast is produced by Decibelle Creative
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You probably already know Susie Amy – perhaps from Footballer’s Wives or maybe from Hollyoaks or as a stage actress (we recently saw her in Fatal Attraction). We do too, but we are also lucky to know Susie via a mutual friend who gave her a gift of some time with Claire when her first baby was born. Susie didn’t feel for a while that she was ready to use this gift straight away – she felt instead that her baby didn’t like / need sleep and was just a bit different! When Claire spent some time with Susie and her family a routine was introduced and they haven’t looked back!
We talked to Susie about:
The importance of sleep (and how more sleep means better sleep)! When Claire had worked with her and Raff to introduce a routine - they stuck to it like glue and responded to their baby’s sleep signals, Noa immediately responded! How predictability is important to all of us and how Susie has found the children’s routine helpful for her as well. The responsibility of having a baby feeling huge, but how just a few tweaks and a routine can help so much. Trusting your instincts as a parent. Being nap trapped and how it doesn’t have to be a negative thing! Restorative naps and where these work best. Morning, bedtime and bathtime routines and how important they are from the start. How the best gift for a new parent is support!Instagram - @bespokefamily / Facebook - @bespokefamily
‘Your Guide to...’ (our downloadable webinars including behaviour, toilet training, sleep and more) - get 25% off any guide with the code ‘PODCAST’
For information about a Parent Consultation click here: https://www.bespokefamily.co.uk/parent-consultations
This podcast is produced by Decibelle Creative
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If not, you must listen to this podcast!
We spoke to Bik-ki Wong and Helen Thompson who are both partners at Myerson solicitors
Bik-ki is responsible for wills, trust and probate and Helen heads up the department that looks after contesting wills.
We talked to Bik-ki about:
What happens if you don’t write a will? Doesn’t it just go to my husband / wife? Not necessarily, Bik-ki explained. And what happens if you aren’t married? How many people we know who don’t have a will and don’t want to think about it. The fact that a will doesn’t have to be expensive; you can have a simple one drawn up and there are charities that might write a simple one for you. What happens if you both die and don’t have a will or are a sole / single parent? Appointing a guardian, how you do this and the implications. Some real-life case studies of families who realised they needed to make a will for example because of illness or divorce. How often you should review your will once it has been written. Some of the terminology and responsibilities. The role of an Executor, Trustee, Guardian, how many you should have and things to consider when choosing them. How having family planning meetings around writing wills can be helpful. 3 things that Bik-Ki would say to someone who doesn't have a will.And we talked to Helen about:
What happens when...
a will is challenged and the associated issues and conflicts. there isn’t a will and the intestacy rules that come in to play where the law decides what happens. for example, a child isn’t provided for in a will because a will hasn’t been updated. Considerations for blended families, step families, solo parents, single parents etc.3 things to consider when looking at issues with a will.
Instagram: @myersonsolicitors @bespokefamily / Facebook - @bespokefamily
More information about Myerson can be found here - https://www.myerson.co.uk/
Contact Myerson about making a will here
Government information on making a will: https://www.gov.uk/make-will
Read our bereavement blogs here including a blog from Bik-Ki about writing a will
‘Your Guide to...’ (our downloadable webinars including behaviour, toilet training, sleep and more) - get 25% off any guide with the code ‘PODCAST’
For information about a Parent Consultation click here: https://www.bespokefamily.co.uk/parent-consultations
This podcast is produced by Decibelle Creative
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Violet (Katherine’s eldest daughter) was fully out of nappies by 10 / 11 months, but how did she do it?! Katherine shares all with us in this funny, insightful and informative episode!
Amongst all the talk of poo and pee, we chatted with Katherine about...
The potty training approach Katherine has used –often referred to as elimination communication. She told us how she has used this approach with all of her children by having a consistent routine, watching their faces for signs, offering the potty several times a day and gradually transitioning the children out of nappies. The key she said, is consistency, routine, never to punish and learn their cues. How Katherine wasn’t sure she would have attempted Potty training twins with this method, but gave us some tips as to how she’d approach it. She felt like waiting to potty train until her children were toddlers would have meant push back to using the potty, but that by using this method it’s all they have ever known! How people reacted to Violet being potty trained so early. Katherine’s approach to parenting being based on instinct, putting herself in her children’s shoes when making decisions on how to care for them. She feels that what is most important is to have a peaceful caregiver and doing things to make this happen with no judgement. Her attitude to social media and how it has affected her parenting (it hasn’t!). How her biggest change in approach since having Violet is considering Bobby as the other parent and convincing him of her wild and wacky parenting ideas (he knows how lucky he is!). Katherine ‘s new TV programme ‘Parental Guidance’ and all the different families she has met through this.‘Your Guide to...’ (our downloadable webinars including behaviour, toilet training, sleep and more) - get 25% off any guide with the code ‘PODCAST’
For information about a Parent Consultation click here: https://www.bespokefamily.co.uk/parent-consultations
Instagram - @bespokefamily
Facebook - @bespokefamily
This podcast is produced by Decibelle Creative
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There are lots of different ways for children to play, but one of the elements of play is rough and tumble – but what is it?
We spoke about:
What is involved in rough and tumble play? Respecting when your little one wants to stop and establishing rules / boundaries for when children are playing rough and tumble together and how to do this (perhaps have a word - possibly “Flamingo” or maybe even “sausages” 😉!!). Sharing these rules with others who might want to do rough and tumble play with your children. Understanding their own bodies and their own limits (and recognising that rough and tumble isn’t for every child). How this kind of play contributes to relationships and is a valuable learning opportunity. When this kind of play can fit in well during your day and how it can help with emotions / get the ‘wiggles’ out. Why wind down from Rough and tumble play is important. Some ideas of what you can do for rough and tumble play.Our blog: Why children need rough and tumble in their day
‘Your Guide to...’ (our downloadable webinars including behaviour, toilet training, sleep and more) - get 25% off any guide with the code ‘PODCAST’
For information about a 1:1 Parent Consultations to support with behaviour click here: https://www.bespokefamily.co.uk/parent-consultations
Instagram - @bespokefamily
Facebook - @bespokefamily
This podcast is produced by Decibelle Creative
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Hitting (and any of that type of ‘inappropriate’ behaviour) can be difficult whichever side you are on – either the parent of the child who is hitting or the one who has been hit.
We chatted about:
Why Children (and some adults) do this! Emotions and how they affect children’s behaviour. Cause and effect – ‘if I do this what happens’. How children are attention needing and that this can drive their behaviour. Children laughing when they’ve hit you...and why?? How to respond when a child hits. Looking for triggers and pre-empting when it might happen. Working together with nursery to help with the situation. “Kind hands” 😂 3 things to remember when your child hits.Our ‘Hitting’ blog: https://www.bespokefamily.co.uk/blog/whydoesmychildhit?rq=hit
‘Your Guide to...’ (our downloadable webinars including behaviour, toilet training, sleep and more) - get 25% off any guide with the code ‘PODCAST’
For information about a 1:1 Parent Consultation to support with behaviour click here: https://www.bespokefamily.co.uk/parent-consultations
Instagram - @bespokefamily
Facebook - @bespokefamily
https://www.bespokefamily.co.uk/
This podcast is produced by Decibelle Creative
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Managing the dynamic and using grandparents for childcare
More and more we are using grandparents to help care for our children, but what do we need to think about? This episode goes into it all, the plusses, the minuses and how to approach it.
Some stats – ever wondered how many of us use grandparents for childcare? Things to think about when asking grandparents if they can help with childcare – how it can really change the dynamic. “Well I raised you OK didn’t I? You’re OK...”. How to get your own parents up to speed (and on board) with the way you want / need things to be done! The relationship we (and children) have with our own parents and had with our grandparents. Having ongoing conversations and communication are important and that family time and childcare time are clearly defined so that it doesn’t impact on your relationship. Making sure the finances and ground rules are all clearly defined. Growing out of going to granny / grandpa’s house. It takes a village!Our Grandparent blogs – https://www.bespokefamily.co.uk/blog/category/Grandparents
State pension payments - https://www.gov.uk/government/news/looking-after-the-grandchildren-make-sure-it-counts-towards-your-state-pension
‘Your Guide to...’ (our downloadable webinars including sleep, welcoming your newborn and caring for your newborn) - get 25% off any guide with the code ‘PODCAST’
Instagram - @bespokefamily
Facebook - @bespokefamily
Bespoke Family 1:1 Parent Consultations: https://www.bespokefamily.co.uk/parent-consultations
This podcast is produced by Decibelle Creative / @decibelle_creative
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We talked about sleep for babies under 6 months:
How babies don’t immediately start sleeping through the night (and neither do we!). Why they wake and what ‘sleeping through the night’ actually means. The transition from the womb to ‘outside life’! It’s quite a change! Can you teach babies ‘bad sleep habits’? Starting to look at a sleep routine (6-8 weeks) - if you want to. Introducing a bedtime routine and wind down to naps 4 month sleep regression (or is it progression?) Sleep associations – what they go to sleep with needs to be replicated when they wake up. Are they too tired? Can you put them to bed / nap a bit earlier?Our Sleep blogs – https://www.bespokefamily.co.uk/blog/category/Sleep
‘Your Guide to...’ (our downloadable webinars including sleep, welcoming your newborn and caring for your newborn) - get 25% off any guide with the code ‘PODCAST’
Instagram - @bespokefamily
Facebook - @bespokefamily
Bespoke Family 1:1 Parent Consultations: https://www.bespokefamily.co.uk/parent-consultations
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We covered so much with Sian including:
Sian’s background and how @moonandrue started with a few weaning videos! The @moonandrue community – keeping it real. Baby led weaning – how a child needs to be developmentally ready (and the fact that a baby can still choke on purees). Allergens and how Rue reacted to egg when she first tried it. How Rue choked on a piece of apple, what Sian did and her feelings afterwards. The baby (up to 1) and child first aid training that Sian did with @stjohn_ambulance. Some tips around preparing foods for little ones and things to try and avoid. The baby and child first aid resources available via St John Ambulance and what they cover.Useful blog – What should I have in my first aid kit?
‘Your Guide to...’ (our downloadable webinars) - get 25% off any guide with the code ‘PODCAST’
Instagram - @bespokefamily / @stjohn_ambulance
Facebook - @bespokefamily
TikTok - @MoonandRue
St John Ambulance
Bespoke Family 1:1 Parent Consultations: https://www.bespokefamily.co.uk/parent-consultations
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What we want to do instinctively is to jump in and solve it for our children but they need to learn the skills to deal with it and this is what we talked about:
Children can be cruel – it's hard to hear when someone says they don’t want to be your friend or don’t invite you to their birthday party, but as a parent what can you do / say when this happens? What do we do / say when it’s our child that isn’t being a nice friend? How it’s important to think carefully about how we talk about friendships to our children. Why children behave the way they do with regards to friendships. Our own experiences with friendships (Claire’s story is not to be taken as advice..!!). How we as adults are still working out friendships and relationships! What we can do if our child is struggling with making friends. Why we need to give our children the skills and support to be a good friend. How we as parents eventually become second fiddle to our children’s friends!Our blog – Tricky Friendships...what can I do to help my child?
‘Your Guide to...’ (our downloadable webinars) - get 25% off any guide with the code ‘PODCAST’
Instagram - @bespokefamily
Facebook - @bespokefamily
Bespoke Family 1:1 Parent Consultations: https://www.bespokefamily.co.uk/parent-consultations
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Doula Lou is a mum of 2 children – she originally trained as a nanny and worked with children and families for 8 years. Following the birth of her own children she stayed at home caring for them. Once they had both gone to school she decided to re-train as a post-natal Doula.
We talked to Lou about:
A Doula’s role and responsibilities. Lou’s training as a Doula and what’s involved. The difference between a Maternity Nurse and a Doula. The Fourth Trimester explained and Lou’s own experiences of this. The developing brain – how babies look to us to help them solve how they feel and to meet their basic needs. Looking after yourself in the early days and getting used to having a new little person completely reliant on you. Some things to think about in those early days and the importance of finding your ‘tribe’. A post-natal plan and what you can include. Birth trauma and the three step rewind. Lou’s top 3 tips for new parents.Doula Lou Instagram
Lou’s website - www.doula-lou.com
Doula UK for training and to find a Doula
‘Your Guide to...’ (our downloadable webinars) - get 25% off any guide with the code ‘PODCAST’
Instagram - @bespokefamily
Facebook - @bespokefamily
Bespoke Family 1:1 Parent Consultations: https://www.bespokefamily.co.uk/parent-consultations
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How do you deal with it if you have a different parenting style from your partner, parent, friend etc. and how can we make sure that the way we parent is helping to promote our children’s independence?
We chatted about:
How different parenting approaches can impact on children’s resilience. The fact that we have become very risk averse and have started to always be there (in person or via technology) to make sure our children are OK. How our experiences of being parented can impact our own parenting style. That our ‘safety mode’ needs to teach our children how to help themselves when we aren’t there. What has changed since we were little without a phone or any tracking apps? Managing risk and trust – children need to feel trusted to try things with our support and suggestions. What happens when we micromanage our children. The importance of talking to partners and other carers about the approach you are taking – it’s a constant review. Changing your own narrative to take your own feelings out of it and problem solve together with your children. Striking a balance – not being too overprotective but teaching them the life skills to be able to cope. All the animals...! Tiger, Jellyfish, Elephant, Dolphin (lawnmower!) parenting etc.‘Your Guide to...’ (our downloadable webinars) - get 25% off any guide with the code ‘PODCAST’
Instagram - @bespokefamily
Facebook - @bespokefamily
Bespoke Family 1:1 Parent Consultations: https://www.bespokefamily.co.uk/parent-consultations
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Suzanne’s own experiences inspired her to set up the Parenting Mental Health charity – in 2015 when Suzanne’s daughter Issy was 14, she was severely bullied at school leading to a sharp decline in her mental health – she was depressed, anxious and suicidal.
We talked through many aspects of this story including:
Issy’s final trigger, her referral and her disclosure to the doctor that she was going to end her life – this was the moment Suzanne shared where the family reached absolute crisis point. Suzanne’s experiences of CAMHS (Children and Adolescent Mental Health Service) and other therapy support. How Suzanne felt she had failed as a parent who just wanted to ‘fix’ what was happening to Issy, as well as the deep shame, trauma and isolation she felt as a parent of a child with a mental health issue. ‘Partnering not parenting’ the programme that Suzanne has written for parents of young people who are experiencing poor mental health. The Facebook group Suzanne set up to support parents in the same critical situation that she experienced and how it grew and grew. How the only control we have over our children’s life is how we behave and how we respond. That love isn’t enough and we need spaces to connect with people who are further along the road with their child’s mental health journey. Suzanne’s 3 things that she feels are most important as a parent - Am I present? Can I be patient? Am I listening? The fact that we don’t have to come to crisis point to change - it starts with today. That children don’t have to be happy all the time! Suzanne’s advice is to look for presence, not for happiness.‘Your Guide to...’ (our downloadable webinars including ‘Your Guide to Teens and Tweens’) - get 25% off any guide with the code ‘PODCAST’
Parenting mental health website
Suzanne’s book – Never let go – how to parent your child through mental illness
https://www.youtube.com/@parentingmentalhealth
Our Tween / Teenage blogs
If you have enjoyed this podcast have a look at our other teen episodes.
Talking to Teenagers
Parenting Teens
Bespoke Family 1:1 Parent Consultations: https://www.bespokefamily.co.uk/parent-consultations
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A bit of a different episode this week where we introduce you to our parent consultations and give you some information about what they actually involve, including...
How to decide whether a parent consultation is for you. What a parent consultation can help with. The fact that each consultation is tailored to each individual family and their situation. The overwhelm parents feel with so many different types of information being given to them and the benefit of having someone completely objective look at their situation. The forms and information we need before the call. How important it is that everyone is on board with what the plan is. The packages we offer and how they work. The fact that you might get emotional – but you absolutely won’t be the first one (and you absolutely won’t find judgement on any situation you find yourself in). The importance of consistency to resolve any situation! Coming back to us – we love supporting families on a recurring basis as their children move through the different stages (Newborn to Teen and Everything in Between!). An introduction to our consultants and their backgrounds.‘Your Guide to...’ (our downloadable webinars including our ‘guide to sleep’) - get 25% off any guide with the code ‘PODCAST’
Parent Consultation information
Instagram - @bespokefamily
Facebook - @bespokefamily
Bespoke Family 1:1 Parent Consultations: https://www.bespokefamily.co.uk/parent-consultations
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This is one of our most read blogs on the website (see link to this below) and so we thought it would be a good thing to talk about!
Why does this happen and isn’t it just the same as waking through the night? Some of the reasons this might happen – can naps have an impact for example? Do you need to bring bedtime forward? Having a check list as to what the cause might be (and what to put on the list). The bedtime routine and why it is so important. How to make changes and be consistent!‘Your Guide to...’ (our downloadable webinars including our ‘guide to sleep’) - get 25% off any guide with the code ‘PODCAST’
Why does my little one wake within an hour of going to bed? - Our Blog
Instagram - @bespokefamily
Facebook - @bespokefamily
Bespoke Family 1:1 Parent Consultations: https://www.bespokefamily.co.uk/parent-consultations
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We talked about:
Why Jenny does what she does and how she supports working mums (and dads). What really thriving means as a working parent. How to bring yourself up in the priority list in order to bring the best of yourself to parenting. Where does the guilt come from in doing things for yourself? Remembering that you can have it all but you can’t do it all! The concept of self care and what does this really mean? For example, isn’t a relaxing bath just a basic need? Why it’s important for your children to see that it’s OK to not always be busy. Carving out adult time when / if you can – it really is OK to put yourself first and does you good. Jenny’s top 3 tips to help you thrive not just survive!‘Your Guide to...’ (our downloadable webinars including our newborn guides) - get 25% off any guide with the code ‘PODCAST’
Instagram - @bespokefamily / @jennyhopkinscoaching
Facebook - @bespokefamily
Jenny’s website: Jennyhopkinscoaching.com
Bespoke Family 1:1 Parent Consultations: https://www.bespokefamily.co.uk/parent-consultations
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We talked about:
How the pregnancies were for Stu and how he researched and prepared for each baby to come. How Stu doesn’t have any real experience with children – with his first child he was always learning and it was all a bit surreal! Having a second child and how this will change the dynamic from having a first baby. The key role that dad / the partner that isn’t carrying the baby plays. He couldn’t breastfeed, but contributed in other ways working as part of a family team! The thing that really stood out for Stu as a new dad? Whether he met and connected with any other dads? Stu’s experiences of having his first child during Covid. Stu’s advice for a new dad. How to handle any concerns and worries and the fact that everyone makes mistakes!Stu’s book recommendations:
Your baby week by week – Caroline Fertleman and Simone Cave
Crib sheet - A Data-Driven Guide to Better, More Relaxed Parenting, from Birth to Preschool – Emily Oster
‘Your Guide to...’ (our downloadable webinars including our newborn guides) - get 25% off any guide with the code ‘PODCAST’
Instagram - @bespokefamily
Facebook - @bespokefamily
Bespoke Family 1:1 Parent Consultations: https://www.bespokefamily.co.uk/parent-consultations
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This is a topic which lots of people told us they wanted more information about so we went on a deep dive (?!) into night time dryness!
We talked about:
The expectation that once days are dry that nights will automatically follow. The hormone we need to help us stay dry at night. What night time dryness really means. When you might need to visit your GP. How you know if your child is ready or not to be dry at night. The stats – how many children are wet through the night and at what age? The reasons why your child might wet the bed. The importance of checking whether or not your child is constipated and why / how this can affect night time dryness. What you can do to help, how to be prepared for when it happens and some products to help. The ‘dream wee’ – is it really the top tip it is purported to be??Our toilet training blogs
ERIC – the children’s bowel and bladder charity - bedwetting information
Products that might help - Amazon link
‘Your Guide to...’ (our downloadable webinars including ‘Your Guide to Toilet Training’) - get 25% off any guide with the code ‘PODCAST’
Instagram - @bespokefamily
Facebook - @bespokefamily
Bespoke Family 1:1 Parent Consultations: https://www.bespokefamily.co.uk/parent-consultations
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“We don’t go to a French class already speaking French” was how Sam @SPDTuitionandCoaching started the podcast and this was how she and Charlotte want all parents to approach preparations for school. They feel that children need to be learning ready – not from what they know already but how they are prepared using emotional balance and communication.
Sam and Charlotte are both mums of children under 5, with Charlotte’s little one preparing to go to school for the first time in September. We had a fascinating discussion with them about:
Whether your child needs to be able to write their name and do basic maths before they start school (they don’t..!) Giving parents the skills to feel empowered to have a proactive approach to building foundations for school. What to do if you as a parent didn’t like school yourself! Why emotional balance is so important for this transition. How we can model our own emotions to help our children’s development. Speech and language – encouraging communication in whichever way is appropriate for our children. Preparing for ‘what you could do’ rather than ‘what you should do’. The Foundations for skills workshop from Sam and Charlotte at 8.30pm 12 July 2023 (don’t worry if you have missed it, get in touch with Sam / Charlotte as there is a recording you can access too!). The free session will give you some simple tools to help prepare your children for school. Click on the link below to register.Click the link to book the workshop on 12 July 2023 (look out for a special Bespoke Family gift from Sam and Charlotte too!) - Book the workshop here!
Our preparing for school blogs:
How to help your child prepare for school
That ‘back to school feeling’
‘Your Guide to...’ (our downloadable webinars) - get 25% off any guide with the code ‘PODCAST’
Instagram - @bespokefamily / @spdtuitionandcoaching / @speechtherapywithcharlotte
Facebook - @bespokefamily
Bespoke Family 1:1 Parent Consultations: https://www.bespokefamily.co.uk/parent-consultations
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