Эпизоды
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My least favorite thing about the toddler years was potty training my kids. At the start, I turned to books for answers. When that didn't work, I tried asking girlfriends who didn't really remember much about potty training. I even asked my mother's advice. Disastrous! While it was so easy for Emmi, Andy refused to be potty trained. Turns out she was capable but just didn't want to! We had to get really creative to motivate her.
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When my kids were still babies, I wanted them so much to walk as soon as possible! But when Emmi started crawling, I thought that I might've wished for it too quickly. I found out the hard way that they're going to fall and get bruises! It was scary how much they bruise that age. I was paranoid someone would call CPS on us. We parent paranoia! We quickly learn to help them avoid bumps and bruises by keeping our home as toddler-safe as we could.
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Пропущенные эпизоды?
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During the toddler years, doctors in the NICU told us to expect developmental delays with the twins because they were preemies. Later, we found out that Andy's speech delay was very common among preemies. The limited resources in our areas created a serious challenge. I also had to learn to advocate for my child because I knew that whatever challenge any of my kids might have, we would prevail if we worked on it as a family.
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The "teen contract," for us, defines the expectations that we have for our kids, their responsibilities, and the positive and negative consequences of the actions they take. It helps them understand that they get more responsibility as they get more freedom. And that is the key: BALANCE. It helps us in the transition of power and we get to step back and relax a bit as they get more power. After all, our goal is to help them become self-sufficient adults who can create happy lives for themselves.
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My daughter wanted to know if adulting ever gets any easier. And the answer is, "No." But being a self-sufficient, responsible person always leads to more freedom and happiness. We have to understand, though, that with more freedom also comes more responsibility. We have to be willing to accept our mistakes and learn from those mistakes.
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It's easy to get trapped by our kids' inflated opinion of themselves. In their naivete, they ask for equality. But what they really want is freedom. They don't understand that with freedom comes responsibility, and they're not ready for ADULT responsibility! They can't contribute equally to the burdens and challenges that a family entails. So no, they are not our equals! My husband and I remain the captain of S. S. Family!
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I found out that I had done my parenting job way too well when my husband and I went back to the Caribbean. My kids were totally okay without me. I'm failing Adulting for Older Moms! I'm not okay with how well they're doing! I felt hurt, abandoned, and miserable. Talk about childhood baggage on my part, but knowing I have that baggage allows me to rein in my feelings and be a good mom. Mother like a woman who wants to have a good relationship with her children when they become adults!
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When my husband and I went back to our Caribbean home without the kids, I realized this was an opportunity to reconnect with him. Sitting by the pool with him while watching the sunset made me go back to the beginning of our relationship. I realized how perfect he was and is for me. After sixteen years of ups and downs, I looked at him, and I thought I could really be happy with this man for the rest of my life.
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This is our sixteenth year of marriage, my husband and I. And some days, some months, some weeks, it seems like we're just going through motions, and I wonder... Don't we love each other anymore? But it's ridiculous! I do know that we love each other. I suppose that all marriages go through some blah periods, but we do love each other. I can't imagine my life without him.
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When I was a teen, I always asked my grandmother, "How do you know when you meet the one?" Her answer was always, "You'll know when it happens." She was right! I fell in love with Michael at first sight and allowed that feeling to flourish and overcome many unexpected challenges. Sixteen years later, I still can't believe we got married after knowing each other only six months! Ain't love grand?
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I didn't think it was a big deal when my child was diagnosed with ADHD. I was blissfully ignorant of the challenges laid before use. But, I learned a lot when my child was diagnosed with ADHD. Not just about the disease, but also how to advocate my ADHD superhero and all of my children! It has taught me immensurate patience, unconditional love, flexibility, and adaptability at a whole new level. It has helped me to be a better mom.
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Do you ever hear anyone criticize an older dad? No, you don't! It's absolute bullshit to then criticize an older mom. Why do we still do this to one another? Why can't we respect each other's journeys? Some women have even told me I should have made better choices. But sometimes, it wasn't a choice! It was a situation that was out of our control. As women, we should support each other and our choices, and we should know we all have to travel our own journey. Don't give others permission to judge you or question your choices. You're perfect the way you are, and your choices are perfect in their own way.
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I recently got slapped and got slapped hard! Why? Because when asked why I work so hard, I said I wanted to pay for my kiddos' college education. The person assumed incorrectly that my children felt entitled to this promise. She didn't realize that I work and work hard because it is what I want to do for my kids. I don't want them to have to work while they are in school. I don't want them to get crippling student loans. It is my choice to invest in a solid foundation for their future! And the future of my hypothetical grandchildren!
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My husband's dream house is a ginormous monstrosity in the Caribbean. A place where our family connections weakened in the square footage and junk we collected. In all honesty, I hate it. Though I always tried to like it for his sake. When the pandemic happened, we moved to our small condo in Florida. Since the move, we are more connected, have more heartfelt conversations, and have stronger familial bonds became. We are going, tiny mamas! It's my turn to have my dream home!
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My biggest challenge was and still is not the pandemic. It was that my girls became teenagers. Yes, things have changed! I have to remind myself that even if they look more like adults, they are not adults! So hard to remember! They behave as though every decision they make is final, so they often feel overwhelmed. And they act out! On top of all this, I also have to help my husband not lose his mind. I continuously remind myself this is temporary. One day the teen years will be over!
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Since the New Year is around the corner, I'm going to talk about changes. This year, I have to decide (again) whether or not we'll home school the following year; I'm fighting my husband about returning to our home in the Caribbean; the girls will be turning fourteen, and it feels like it's the beginning of them leaving our home behind. There are so many possibilities. I don't feel scared, but I feel a little overwhelmed.
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I'm fifty-four years old, and I believe in Santa Claus! Why? Because I believe in the goodness of humanity. I really believe that Santa represents the best of humanity -- hope and kindness. I'm glad that I have fostered my children's belief in Santa Claus. Because, by extension, I am reinforcing their ability to hope, be kind, and receive kindness.
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I'm fifty-four years old, and I believe in Santa Claus! Why? Because I believe in the goodness of humanity. And I really believe that Santa represents the best of humanity, be it a meal, a much-needed hug, a new toy, a used toy, a kind word. Santa is the best that humanity has to give to one another, hope and kindness. I believe that by helping my children believe in magic, I help Santa keep that magic alive, hope, and kindness, not only during Christmas time but throughout the year.
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November 21st is a special day because that's when the elves on the shelf come home. This year, the elves didn't check-in during the year. I tried to bribe them to visit us early, but they wouldn't be bribed! I miss their visits. They bring the magic of childhood—magic so strong that it goes back and brings out the best in my own childhood memories. The elves represent hope—of better behavior, overcoming challenges, a glimpse into a future with grandchildren.
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I took thanksgiving for granted, thinking that there would always be another in which I would enjoy my family and friends. Then the pandemic hit, making sure I will never take this special holiday for granted ever again! I am so grateful for my friends and family that we have not lost any of them in the pandemic despite several becoming very ill. I'm grateful for my husband and children. I'm thankful that despite all the challenges we have faced this year, I can still recognize that I have a lot to be grateful for.
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