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This week I’m sharing with you some of the massive changes coming to the podcast, and the way in which we serve the men in our community.
We’re gearing up for an explosive and growth orientated 2023.
Not just in terms of business, and the amount of men we aim to make a difference for, but also growth in ourselves.
With each new level comes new challenges, and we’re excited to overcome the ones ahead of us next year!
Are you?
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One of the men who joined us for the most recent Unbreakable Man Retreat spoke about how he hated letting people down.
He spoke about how he really took it to heart when someone gave him negative feedback.
So much so that it was having a serious effect on his life and his mental health.
Towards the end of the retreat the same man said he was going to commit to “Not giving a f&%k about what others thought of him”.
Which got me thinking…
If we want to create the best outcome for ourselves, should we care what other’s think?
How should we deal with the opinion of others?
Whether you struggle with this, or whether you don’t give a single crap about what anyone else thinks of you…
This episode is for you.
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I’m writing this after having just returned from the latest Unbreakable Man Retreat.
As the name suggests the retreat as about becoming an Unbreakable Man, because the way I see it, if I can give men the confidence and skills they need to not give up on the things that matter the most to them then there’s nothing they won’t be able to build for themselves!
Now the very first element of becoming Unbreakable is about doing the work required to find our purpose and direction in life.
What do we actually want? Not just this week, month, or year, but for the foreseeable future?
And what things must we accomplish to create that future for ourselves?
If we don’t know where we’re going then anything and anyone can take control of our lives, because we don’t even know what the hell we should be doing with it!
So we did a lot of writing, writing down the things that matter to us, and what we wanted our lives to look like.
It turns out that this seemingly simple task is actually quite difficult.
And it highlighted just how little clarity so many of the guys had about how they wanted their future to look.
No wonder many of them felt stuck in their lives!
But once they got into this exercise and with a lot of back forth between themselves, myself, and the leadership team every man experienced the confidence that came with feeling a little bit clearer about what they wanted and what they needed to do to get it.
So my question to you is:
If you're aiming to make some serious changes in your life, do YOU have written goals?
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This one’s a bit controversial…
Because it challenges the idea that a man must always self-sacrifice for his family.
Excuses are some of the biggest killers of dreams.
I’ve heard them all from so many men over the years.
And the best excuses are always the ones that no one can argue against, because they’re often wrapped in good intentions.
It’s becomes socially unacceptable to call someone out on this particular excuse,
Because even insinuating that a parent may need to put their own needs before their family’s from time to time is seen as anti-social and wrong.
The guilt trip many men (and no doubt women) feel as a result causes them to accept situations they’re unhappy with.
And eventually this excuse becomes an easy way for a guy to give himself a pass on solving his own personal problems.
Now before any of you blow your lid, I invite you to hear me out and listen to the episode.
And then if you still think I’m a clueless idiot feel free to let me know in the comments!
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One of the core values of Unbreakable Man (My new Men’s Coaching Brand)
Is Camaraderie.
It might be easy to think of fit, strong, and confident men is guys that don’t need any help,
But nothing could be further from the truth.
The men who are the most the successful across the widest range of key areas in life are men who surround themselves with other men who do the same thing.
In order to become the fittest, strongest, and most confident man we can be we’re going to need solid advice, accountability, and genuine friendships with men on the same journey.
I believe the quality and depth of connection in our masculine support networks is a crucial part of becoming the best men we can be.
If you don’t believe me, or you want to know more about how you can create a network like this too, then listen to this episode!
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I can recall several occasions over the last 4 years running my coaching business successfully
But struggling to find the courage to “take the next step“ to grow it further.
Every attempt I made felt half hearted, like I was trying to keep one foot in the door of the nice comfortable situation I had created for myself,
Whilst simultaneously trying to get excited about the next stage, whatever that was at the time.
I lacked certainty in taking that plunge and consequently when difficulty arose (as it always does with such things) I always went back to what I knew.
Currently I’m in the middle of a big rebrand, and the biggest change to my business since its inception in 2018
And despite all the work that lies ahead, all the expense the various changes require, and all of the likely hiccups along the way…
I’m not remotely deterred.
I feel confident in this decision, and therefore I’m proactively making moves today to ensure this transition happens.
The old me would have doubted himself and procrastinated as a result.
But my certainty in the path I have chosen has given me the courage to take on this challenge!
Today’s episode is about how you can use this to change the way your life looks too.
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Last Sunday I competed in my latest Brazilian Jiu Jitsu comp.
My third comp so far, and my second as a blue belt (with many more to come).
If you’ve never been in a fight I can tell you it’s a nerve wracking experience, or at least it is for me.
So much so that at my last comp my nerves completely destroyed my ability to perform my best.
Have you ever had that experience?
Where you fail to do as well as you know you can purely because you let your nerves get the better of you?
And if you have experienced that before didn’t it annoy you that you got inside your own head,
Losing the match or missing the mark on a project, not because it was outside of your current ability, but because you worried yourself sick about it?
Confidence under pressure is an absolutely key skill to have if you want to be the best man you can be.
If this is something you want to develop then this episode will be worth your time.
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This is a topic that I feel very strongly about.
Because I think that if we’re all really honest with ourselves the reason we don’t succeed is because we’re afraid.
It takes a brave man just to admit that, let alone change it.
Most of us make excuses about why we’re not where we want to be, or claim that we’re ok with where we are.
I’ve certainly done both of those things before myself.
But if truth be told there are absolutely things we would like to see change and improve in our lives.
We may be able to feel comfortable with where we are, but for me personally it’s hard to escape the feeling that one day I’ll look back and regret not going for those things I really wanted, and there may not be any time left to change it.
So this episode is all about silencing that inner coward, so that we can become the kind of man who does the work to make our lives the way we want them.
It’s about ignoring the little voice in the back of our minds that encourages us to make, and/or fail to make, decisions based on our fear of rejection, failure, and loss.
If you know this is something you do (even if you would never admit it) then you are the exact man this episode is for.
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I was having a very interesting conversation over coffee with one of the men I coach earlier this week
And he shared a great lesson with me about motivation, and how to create it.
That’s CREATE IT.
Not wait for it.
Not look for it.
But how to flip yourself from an unmotivated to a motivated state.
Whilst I don’t believe motivation is absolutely necessary when it comes to getting things done.
It is a lot easier to do the hard yards when you feel motivated.
So today I want to share with you a strategy and a way of thinking about motivation to help you feel more of it in your life,
So you can become a better man.
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“An interesting title” I’m sure you’re thinking…
“What is a gum nut?” “Do I even want to know…” might be your second thought haha
To you I say grow up!
A gumnut is the seed of a gum tree.
And it has an interesting property that ensures that it only grows in the most fertile ground.
In this episode I want to share the lesson the gum nut has to offer us as men.
And how it’s growth journey is much like our own.
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We’re adult men (or at least we are most of the time…)
And we’ve got enough life experience to know what the right things to do are,
And we know when we’re doing stuff that isn’t helping us.
But we still often fail to do the right things and continue to do the wrong things…
WHY?!
In this episode I want to talk to you about becoming a leader.
Not a leader for those around you necessarily, but a leader for yourself.
I want to help you learn how to motivate yourself to take action on the things you know you need to do,
And to quit doing the things that you know aren’t helping you.
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I’m not a violent guy by nature, I don’t enjoy inflicting pain, and I certainly don’t enjoy receiving it.
But one thing that becomes abundantly clear to all men as we grow up is that violence is an unfortunate fact of life.
To ignore that truth is not only dangerous, but in my opinion any man who chooses not to learn how to fight is placing a limit on how good of a man he can be.
And if you’re a father doing that, and you don’t encourage your children to learn this skill (especially your sons) you are also having a negative impact on their ability to reach their full potential.
In this episode I’ll explain why, by telling you what my sensei told me.
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It’s a term that has gotten a bad rap in recent times because it’s been used to dismiss the real pain of many men.
Ignoring past trauma or trying to sweep it under the rug DOES NOT WORK.
You may think that the horrible things that have happened in your past that you haven’t put to bed aren’t effecting you,
But I guarantee that the effects of these memories (even if you don’t think about them) are there,
And they show up in our negative, self-destructive habits, and limiting beliefs.
Solving these problems requires a lot of courage and persistence,
but it is the only way for you to move forwards, and to make sure you don’t pass them on.
Whilst often times it isn’t your fault that you have to deal with these demons
It is YOUR RESPONSIBILITY.
And that’s what it means to Man Up.
To confront the demons in your life with courage, and to remove them at all costs.
Life is hard no matter what, and at the end of the day only we can make it the way we want it.
That’s why we still need to Man Up.
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Do you have the odd day where your head feels like it's going to pop, and you keep replaying the same crappy thoughts?
Or maybe there’s been particularly challenging periods of your life where you’ve felt depressed or anxious on a recurring basis?
Maybe you’re experiencing that now?
I’m willing to bet every guy reading this has had the above experiences.
There can be multiple factors at play when it comes to mental health struggles but one thing is true across the board…
Getting yourself right mentally changes EVERYTHING.
That’s why whenever I have a bad day or go through a period of mental struggle,
I like to explore the potential causes of these feelings.
The answer my brain gives me always relates to me either:
1. Not doing something I know I should be doing.
2. Or doing something I know I shouldn’t be doing.
In other words I find that when I start living my life in a way that doesn’t align with my own expectations of myself it’s almost as if my subconscious creates these negative feelings to try to signal to me to get back on track.
The longer I ignore these feelings, or fail to recognise these signs, the longer they persist.
In this episode I’m going to help you find out what might be causing these feelings for you.
So you can break down whatever challenge you’re struggling with and boldly move forwards in your life!
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If you’ve ever felt stuck in a difficult circumstance in your life this is going to resonate with you.
I can look back on multiple occasions where I knew what I wanted, and I knew what had to be done to get there,
But the thought of taking those actions scared the crap out of me…
I knew that having those tough conversations would bring pain.
And I knew that stepping into new and uncomfortable situations would bring pain.
So consequently I just stayed put.
I relaxed into this shit spot that I had found myself in, unable to go back, and too afraid to move forwards.
Fortunately I’d had enough experience at this point to know I couldn’t condemn myself to being unhappy with a key area of my life.
But that doesn’t mean it was easy to move forwards.
I had just made the decision that moving forwards would bring me less pain in the long term than staying in place would.
Unfortunately so many men are stuck in cycles that they’re not happy with
Whether it’s their health/fitness, self confidence, poor relationships, drug & alcohol use, or working a job they can’t stand.
Whilst changing these things is hard and painful in the short term, especially if you have all of the responsibilities of a father,
It is possible.
And no man who’s ever done the work required to change any of these things about his life has ever regretted his decision to do so.
So why do so many men struggle to change the things they’re unhappy with, and how can we improve this situation?
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After working with 100’s of fathers and getting to know many of their families and hear about their situations at home
I’ve noticed a pattern of a lot of men feeling unhappy with their marriage or intimate relationship.
Now granted there is no such thing as the perfect relationship where both partners are totally content with each other all the time.
There will be ups and downs no matter what,
But if there’s a consistent theme of you not feeling the intimacy, passion, desire, and admiration that you want to feel from your partner
Then there’s probably something that you’re missing.
You work hard, and do your best to give your mrs and your family the life they want and yet it still doesn’t get you the feeling you want from your relationship
Or perhaps you’ve just accepted this as the norm at this point and that feeling of love and intimacy has been absent for a while.
Well in today’s episode I want to share with you my take on how you can create the kind of relationship you want, and earn the respect, love, and admiration you want from your partner.
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I’ve had so much first hand experience with this it’s not funny.
It’s the first question I ask every man before taking him on as a coaching client.
“What do you want?”
This usually involves 2 or 3 follow up questions before I’m able to get the father in question to a specific and realistic goal.
It’s not just dads that avoid setting goals.
I think you could ask the vast majority of people “What’s your goal? What are you working towards?”
And most would either have no clue or give you a standard cliche answer that shows that they haven’t taken any time to consider where they’re going.
For the dads I work with I think this is the result of 2 things:
Firstly It’s not something they’ve been brought up to do, so it doesn’t feel natural for them.
The second is fear.
And that’s what we’ll be discussing in today’s episode.
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One thing all good dads can definitely agree on is that they want to be the best role model possible for their kids.
To me being the best role model we can be just means being the best WE can be.
And I’m not talking about having heaps of money, and being super talented or anything like that.
I’m talking about working on the parts of ourselves that we know we need to change.
Our weaknesses, anxieties, and insecurities.
We all want our kids to grow up to be the most confident, successful, and thoughtful human beings they can be.
But are we doing that ourselves?
Do we confront our own demons and short comings…
Or do we use being too busy with life and family as an excuse?
What effect might this have on our kids if we don’t address these areas?
What difference would it make in our kid’s upbringing if we made a consistent effort to incrementally address each of our insecurities?
Despite not having kids I often ask myself the question:
“What would I want my kid to do if they were in this situation?”
And whatever my answer is is what I must do.
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As we've reached a bit of milestone of 30 episodes I think it's time to share something more personal.
Although it's a time in my life I'm not proud of, the experience that I talk about in this episode I would not change for the world.
It taught me one of the most valuable lessons I’ve learnt in my life so far,
And has given me a great insight into a challenge that so many people face, and how best to put it in the past.
If you’re a man who suffers with any form of addiction whether it’s alcohol, smoking, drugs, women, or something else,
And you know that it’s having a seriously negative effect on the important areas of your life then this episode will be the best use of 20 minutes you’re likely to come across today.
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I don’t think most people think of happiness when they hear the word resilience.
Usually “resilience” comes with visions of hard times, and suffering.
But as a man who wants to feel as good as possible as often as possible, I believe the two can’t be separated.
Because no matter who you are, how talented, smart, or capable you are, you’re going to experience hard times and suffering.
Not just from things that are physically happening around you, but we all have a lot of mental battles we need to learn how to win too.
That’s why I see training ourselves to be more resilient as a great move towards becoming a happier person.
Those who are able to withstand life’s set backs and tragedies are those who are able to look at their troubles in a way that makes them appreciate what they have instead of focussing on what they’re missing out on.
If you find yourself struggling to create a general sense of happiness and wellbeing then this episode is for you.
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