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In today’s episode we’re talking about something that has one of the biggest impacts on our mental well-being, whether we’re happy or distressed….and that’s our living situations. Thinking back on my own life, some of the most tumultuous times for me were exacerbated by the fact that I was living in places I didn’t feel comfortable in. Whether it was living in my sorority, or trying to figure out how to live alone for the first time, wanting to move in with Brian. Stressful.
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In honor of our anniversary, Brob joins the pod to talk about 10 lessons we've learned over 10 years together. He's a little camera shy but I think he did great :)
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(Watch this episode on YouTube.)
Today’s episode is all about the thrilling yet sometimes messy and confusing world of crushes. We’ve got three letters:
"I have a pattern of falling for people who are unavailable. Should I tell my new friend that I have a crush on her, even though she's in a longterm relationship?"
"I told my coworker I had feelings for him. I think he has feelings for me too but...he has a girlfriend."
"I'm engaged to my boyfriend of 7 years, but I have a relentless crush on someone new. Should I still get married?"
Send your letters to [email protected].
0:00 What to expect in this video
00:47 This week’s letters
1:22 Letter 1: “Can I be friends with my crush?”
2:50 Response to Letter 1 begins
4:43 How we use B&W thinking to protect ourselves
9:00 Failure is not regression
12:21 Script: “We can’t be friends”
13:02 Letter 2: “I’m in love with my co-worker”
14:45 Response to Letter 2 begins
15:55 What’s spiking my Hayesy senses
18:30 Stop hoping he’s going to change
20:59 Finding the love you deserve
21:31 Letter 3: “I’m not sure I want to marry my fiance”
22:43 Response begins
24:45 Pros of couple therapy
25:41 Hayes’s thoughts on “forever”
27:25 “Relationships are hard”
28:00 What your crush means
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What do you do when you're invited to an event with a plus one...but you have no one to bring? Is it better to go alone or to bring a friend? On this week’s episode of the Hello Hayes podcast we’re chatting going to events solo, finding confidence in yourself, and doing the hard thing because you can. I also share the story of how I embarrassed myself in front of my work hero a couple of weeks ago...and how I'm reframing it so I don't obsess about this any further!
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Watch on YouTube. (9am EST)
0:00 - Introduction
1:04 - Overview of the 3 letters
1:46 - Letter 1: Estranged from family
3:50 - Response to letter 1 begins
5:02 - Why certain phrases trigger us
7:12 - What I’ve noticed making an internet advice column
9:37 - Ideas for the future
12:03 - Why it doesn’t feel sustainable to bite your tongue
16:05 - Being honest about your reaction
17:33 - Letter 2: Don’t like best friend’s boyfriend
19:02 - Response to letter 2 begins
20:30 - The lost dream of being “couple friends”
22:56 - When your friend gets cheated on
24:31 - Reflection questions when you don’t like your friend’s bf/gf
28:24 - Do this for your friend
29:28 - Letter 3: Your BFF is always in and out of relationships
30:30 - Response to letter 3 begins
31:00 - Having self-awareness
31:51 - Inserting ourselves into other people’s problems
32:30 - Breaking our own patterns
33:43 - Having a tough conversation
35:26 - Getting clear on YOUR terms
39:00 - Exclusive question for Hayeselnuts
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Watch on YouTube.
1:11 - Letter 1: “My friends are slut shaming me”
4:42 - Don’t call it a “hoe phase”
8:47 - Apologizing when you didn’t do anything wrong
10:37 - Should a man be ready to marry you after 1 year?
15:16- The 4 questions to ask before confronting someone
17:00 - Letter 2: “My sister makes me feel bad about my body”
19:00 - Sibling dynamics
20:32 - Pick your battles
22:24 - The pros/cons of sarcasm
23:30 - An earnest conversation (add HALEY CONVO HERE)
26:30 - If they never stops bullying you
28:25 - Letter 3: “My friend thinks I’m more privileged than I am”
30:00 - Confronting our pleasure
32:30 - Intersectionality matters
33:40 - You still have a right to your pain
34:43 - Knowing your audience
36:30 - The friend’s comments
37:41 - The question you should always remember
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Watch this episode on YouTube.
What do you do when your best friend's live in a different city than you and are always posting about how close they are? What about if most of your bridesmaids don't post pictures from your wedding, even though you posted pictures from theirs? How do you talk to a friend (who is also an influencer) who's always posting stuff on social media when you're together? In this week's episode of Hello Hayes, we're talking about social media, jealousy, and friendship.
Send your letters to [email protected] mwah
0:00 - Overview of the three letters
2:33 - Letter 1: My BFFs always post each other
3:30 - How feeling lonely impacts our life
5:26 - Feelings are different than reality
6:56 - What IS the reality in this situation?
13:33 - How do we stop feeling left out?
15:33 - How to handle this moving forward
17:13 - Should you tell them how you feel?
20:30 - Letter 2: Bridesmaids didn’t post about my wedding
23:42 - The case for practicing restraint
25:50 - Is a wedding an achievement?
27:48 - Feeling inadequate
28:00 - A reframe to help
29:55 - Speaking your truth
32:00 - Letter 3: OG bestie is an influencer
34:10 - Am I (Hayes) an influencer?
35:00 - Showing empathy for your friend
37:23 - Reflection question to ask yourself
38:00 - How to talk to her in the moment
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On today's episode I'm joined by writer and fellow internet advice giver, Haley Jakobson. When I teased this episode on insta stories a couple of weeks ago, saying “the guest wrote a book on friendship breakups,” dozens of you guessed it would be Haley, and alas, you were right!!! Haley is the author of OLD ENOUGH, a novel that explores, yes, friendship breakups, but also queerness and bisexuality and being a survivor and growing up and away from who we in the Hello Hayes universe call an OG bestie. As I shared with Haley in our 1hr+ conversation, her depiction of friendship explosions were so vivid and familiar that I felt physically uncomfortable while reading. The novel can be heavy but in the safe and skilled hands of a writer like Haley, I felt held the entire time. OLD ENOUGH has the full weight of a Hello Hayes book recommendation!
Our conversation covers what we’ve learned about ourselves as writers, why friendship break-ups are so painful, a Hello Hayes (and Haley) question about having a crush on a coworker while you’re in a relationship, and so much more. I cry at one point, obviously.
0:00 - Who is Haley Jakobson?
4:20 - Selling her first book
8:00 - Stepping in front of the lens
10:30 - Writing about pain
13:23 - Our love of book "Acknowledgments" sections
14:00 - Earnestness is underrated
15:30 - A hate comment that I still think about
19:00 - Friendship break-ups
19:30 - Vow of celibacy from best friendship
25:18 - What does the patriarchy have to do with it?
32:00 - Why Hayes admires Haley & unexpected tears
35:42 - On not being an "Emily Henry" type of writer
37:00 - The duality of Haley & the creation process
41:45 - The worst question aspiring writers ask
43:00 - What Hayes has learned about herself as a writer
45:30 - "Creative foreplay"
45:00 - Spontaneous vs responsive desire
49:23 - Writing sex scenes
53:00 - Hello Hayes letter
1:05:44 - The story behind the title OLD ENOUGH
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Travel and friendship can be complicated, especially when it comes to group dynamics and exclusion. In this week's Hello Hayes, we're talking about how to navigate the complexities of travel and friendship.
0:00 - Introduction
4:28 - Overview of the 3 letters
5:48 - Letter 1: “My OG besties went on a trip without me”
8:21 - My personal experience getting “excluded”
10:30 - Why it hurts to fall out of touch with
12:10 - How to handle the situation
15:00 - Should you ask: Why wasn’t I invited?
15:58 - What to say instead
16:40 - Feeling like everyone’s talking about you
18:14 - Letter 2: “How do we tell someone why they were excluded?”
19:25 - The problem with exclusion
20:03 - Tough love
22:52 - The responsibility of being in a friend group
23:50 - What to do in the future
26:10 - Why this isn’t about “boundaries”
27:44 - Why I chose this letter
28: 27 - Letter 3: “My friend won’t stop texting her boyfriend on vacation”
30:00 - Why I don’t watch TV with friends
31:25 - From WTF to compassion
36:25 - Script 1
39:00 - Communication tip: “Keep it consistent”
39:50 - Script 2
43:45 - On being “jealous”
45:45 - Hayes’s phone etiquette rules
You can find me on Instagram here.
Watch episodes of Hello Hayes here.
👋 SUBMIT AN ADVICE LETTER 👋
Send your letters to Hayes at hellohayesadvice at gmail dot com. Pro tip: Use "YouTube subscriber" in the subject line, plus a few words that describe your story. Like this: "YouTube subscriber + Why do I feel so sad around the holidays?"
✍️ LIKE TO READ? ✍️
10,000+ Hayeselnuts and curious thinkers read my newsletter on Substack, where I publish my most personal writing and advice columns. All content is free, but paid subscriptions are available to those who are able to support my work financially! You get bonus audio episodes and a "cut the line" pass to my advice column. 5/month or 50/year! Subscribe.
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[Watch on YouTube]
I'm back to reading three letters today! Yay! This week's episode is wedding-themed, but I promise the details in each letter are relevant even if you're not engaged yourself.
👋 SAY HI 👋
You can find me on Instagram here (behind the scenes, personal storytelling).
On YouTube here (longform and mini video advice columns).
On Substack here (my writing and exclusive announcements).
👋 SUBMIT AN ADVICE LETTER 👋
Send your letters to Hayes at hellohayesadvice at gmail dot com
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I'm not a fan of reading my published writing months/years after it's been published, but I'm making an exception today. In this week's episode, I'm reading the first ever Hello Hayes column I ever wrote. Thanks for being here with me.
Subscribe to my Substack here!
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Live from the east coast! This week I'm telling you about a lesson I learned on my recent flight from LAX to Boston (thx for teaching it, Brob). While this experience didn't cure my turbulence-related anxiety completely, it's getting me a little closer...and is also helping me reframe some other challenges in life. xx Hayes
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Today's episode covers work friendships, the pitfalls of perfectionism, the merits of over-communication, what I wish I knew when I started working, how to have awkward conversations with work besties, and probably more. Who knows where this brain will go!
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[Watch video on YouTube.]
"My girlfriend and I have different relationships with our appearances, and social media is a part of that. We’re both girls in our early 20s and this is my first serious relationship. She loves to get dressed up and take photos and videos of herself to post, whereas I don’t really post selfies at all. What a silly thing to worry about, right? And yet, I find that I continue to struggle with it."
Welcome to Hello Hayes, an advice podcast where we don't claim to have all the answers, but we do try to find them. Together. In today's episode, we're talking about how to handle social media in relationships -- specifically when one person likes to post selfies and the other doesn't.
You can find me on Instagram here: https://www.instagram.com/afhayes
Follow along for more episodes of Hello Hayes: https://www.youtube.com/@alexandrahayesrobinson?sub_confirmation=1
👋 SUBMIT AN ADVICE LETTER 👋
Send your letters to Hayes at hellohayesadvice at gmail dot com. Pro tip: Use "YouTube subscriber" in the subject line, plus a few words that describe your story. Like this: "YouTube subscriber + Why do I feel so sad around the holidays?"
✍️ LIKE TO READ? ✍️
10,000+ Hayeselnuts and curious thinkers read my weekly(ish) newsletter on Substack, where I publish my most personal writing and advice columns. All content is free, but paid subscriptions are available to those who are able to support my work financially! You get bonus audio episodes and a "cut the line" pass to my advice column. 5/month or 50/year! Subscribe: https://hellohayes.substack.com/subscribe
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Watch this episode on YouTube.
In this episode, Hayes celebrates getting her motivation back and shares the top 10 tips that have helped her this year.
👋 SUBMIT AN ADVICE LETTER 👋
Send your letters to Hayes at hellohayesadvice at gmail dot com. Pro tip: Use "YouTube subscriber" in the subject line, plus a few words that describe your story. Like this: "YouTube subscriber + Why do I feel so sad around the holidays?"
✍️ LIKE TO READ? ✍️
Join the 10,000+ Hayeselnuts and curious thinkers who read my weekly(ish) newsletter on Substack, where I publish my most personal writing and advice columns. All content is free, but paid subscriptions are available to those who can support my work financially! You get bonus audio episodes and a "cut the line" pass to my advice column. 5/month or 50/year!
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[Watch this episode on YouTube.]
In this week's episode of the HELLO HAYES podcast, I answer an advice letter about how to deepen connections with new friends in a new city.
Send me your letters at hellohayesadvice at gmail dot com.
Listen to Carlye's podcast here: https://open.spotify.com/show/6aarIjhCYglA4gn8e1H2nl
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[Watch this episode on YouTube]
Today I'm answering two letters from our community about feeling excluded: one takes place in a wedding (bridesmaid stuff), another in a group chat. I also give the full backstory on the Reese Witherspoon story I shared on my Instagram (@afhayes) last week, and why that moment feels so important for me.
Listen to my conversation on The Bright Side here: https://open.spotify.com/episode/6tlanMiHjaYTFMk6bktrRj
Timestamps:
:00 - Introducing episode theme
1:12 - Why this episode is a little different
2:40 - The Bright Side podcast interview
3:28 - My fear of interviews
5:57 - The advice I gave myself before the interview
10:27 - Eating too much of a gummy
11:20 - REESE WITHERSPOON!!!!
13:10 - My break from TikTok
14:29 - The takeaway for all of us
16:49 - Bemused Bridesmaid: "My Friend Isn't a Bridesmaid and Feels Left Out" (Letter 1)
19:00 - My response to Bemused Bridesmaid
31:37 - Ousted: "My Friends Don't Respond to Me in the Group Chat"
33:33 - My response to Ousted
47:40 - Lonely: "My OG Besties Went on Vacation Without Me"
49:40 - Questions for YOU to answer in the YouTube comments!
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[video available on YouTube] Today on the pod I talk about turning 31 and unpack all the complicated and contradictory things I feel about my birthday. Then, around 15 minutes in, I do a rapid fire Q+A of some of YOUR questions about birthdays, including (but not limited to): Is it fair to expect my partner to throw me a birthday party? Why am I always disappointed even though I expect NOTHING on my birthday? How do you (me, Hayes) feel about physically aging? AND MORE! There's no longform Hello Hayes advice column this week, just the two of us chatting. I hope you enjoy the change of pace, it was nice to just sit and reflect with you. See you next time!
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In this episode, Hayes writes a letter to IMPENDING 50-YEAR-OLD-VIRGIN, who is in her mid-20s and feels embarrassed...about everything. We talk about shame and how to wrangle it, and model what a truly loving conversation with yourself feels like. Thanks for listening!
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This week on the show, for the very first time, Hayes sits down to get advice from her dear friend and author of NEW HAPPY, Stephanie Harrison. We talk about everything from how to support friends during a tough season of their life to Hayes's very personal (and hopefully relatable!) struggle with work.
Pre-order Stephanie's book here.
Follow The New Happy here.
Follow Stephanie here.
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