Episoder
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Part 2
4. Insist on happy compliance
If your child is not happy when you correct them, discipline is needed If your child will not comply when you speak to them, discipline is needed If you cannot take them to an event because they wonât behave, discipline is needed If this is an exception, then you are on the right path If this is the norm, then you are not5. Speak softly, directly, specifically, and only once
When you have to reason with a toddler, you are teaching them to comply only if they want to do so If you practice replacement parenting, they will not learn to have self-denial and self-control -
Suggestions for Training Toddlers (Part 1)
Prepare for the long haul, but get started.
This is a beginning and it will take adulthood before you are officially done It is always easier to correct a child while they are youngerCorrect every selfish and willful act
Do it every time - even if it is awkward and difficult In a church auditorium In a store Refuse the temptation to let it go Never assume a child will be better when they are older They wonât unless they are taught and correctedDiscipline predictably
Use simple phrases Calmly and matter of factly follow through with consistency Interrupt everything for training -
Manglende episoder?
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Five Ways to Damage Your Marriage
Review from Episode 233
Neglect it - again Treat each other disrespectfully - again Separate from each other as much as possibleThis week...
4. Resist our God given responsibilities
Husbands have to perfect love Wives have to master submission5. Fail to kiss and make-out
This can be a challenge because life is so busy Don't stop working at it Kiss goodbye Kiss hello Kiss goodnight Kiss for no reason Making out takes some time Slow down and focus on each other Remind yourself of how wonderful you are together -
Five Ways to Damage Your Marriage (Part 1)
1. Neglect it - again
Neglect occurs over a process of time Neglect always diminishes value Failure to invest over a process of time erodes our marriages2. Treat each other disrespectfully - again
When we arenât kind When we are rude When we never express love3. Separate from each other as much as possible
Think me and not we If you are always heading in different directions, your marriage will suffer If you never take the time to talk, your marriage will suffer We have found that we have to schedule time each day . . . -
Christian Womanhood
It involves cultivating selflessness She is warm Safe and trustworthy v. 11-12 Good - agreeable, pleasant, better (root is joyful and delightful) Illustration âYouâre better than thatâ Donât allow issues to turn you into a hard, cold, sarcastic, eye-rolling wife) Financially - no need of spoil Personally - does good and not evil Be careful that the familiar does not become an irritation Deeply - âgood and not evilâ Can He share? When and how he wants to share? Romantically - intimately - no need of spoil, good and not evil Beware of hurts, bitterness, frustrations, struggles Talk them out, work it out, get help-out Donât fizzle; make it sizzle She is wise Think - every time Be kind - every time Psalm 19:14 Psalm 141:3 Eph. 4:32 She wants him to win v. 23 Follow him - treat him like the leader God made him to be Eph 5:22-24 Promote him - with reverence and awe Eph 5:33 Be counter culturalConclusion:
Pro 31:28-31
So many women seek validation, praise, honor, status
They want the priceless label, but sell themselves short
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What does Biblical Womanhood Look Like?
Consider the word virtuous
It involves cultivating strength Virtuous is Strong in purity, chastity, and righteousness Modern dictionaries get it all wrong One strives to be virtuous to appear to be better than others Bible- it doesnât make you better but priceless Dictionaries: Collins - to do what is expected and feeling pleased with themselves, perhaps too pleased Cambridge - Thinks oneself morally better than others, only does good so he can feel virtuous Oxford - behaving in a very good or moral way, irreproachable, claiming to behave better or have a higher moral standard than others. Modern philosophies get it wrong: A strong woman follows her heart The heart is deceitful and desperately wicked She shows her authentic self In my flesh dwells no good thing She cultivates her own interests Be kindly affectioned one to another . . . in honor preferring She is self-aware and continually growing into herself For me to live is Christ and to die is gain She stands up for herself and and is not afraid to share her thoughts and ideas regardless of what others think She speaks her heart and mind Whoso keeps his mouth and tongue keeps his soul from trouble Proverbs 21:23 Same word for going into battle Root is to twist, writhe, twirl, dance The Virtuous woman is strong She is prepared for battle She cha-cha-chas her way through her busy days Cf. Ephesians 6 She is strong 6:10 She is ready for battle 6:11 She is prepared for whatever comes her way 6:13It involves cultivating a strong relationship with God v. 30
A woman who fears the Lord Canât get enough of God Is in awe of God Will be praised -
Dave and Bethlie's youngest child, Charity Young, joins them for this episode. As 15 year old young lady, how did God speak to Charity recently when she read through Proverbs 31?
Listen, and enjoy!
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Proverbs 31:1-9
Verse 1 Taught = to chasten, discipline, instruct, admonish Verse 3 Stay away from women because they destroy kings This is counsel which Solomon in later years chose to ignore Verse 4-9 Stay away from alcohol Kings shouldnât drink the stuff They can cause you to forget the law they can cause you to pervert judgment Alcohol use should be reserved only for those who need it Someone who is dying Someone who is bitterly ill Keep away from it so you can be a wise leader -
Part 3
We want our children to have good appetites.
Appetites for eternal things over earthly things
God's Word God' Love Diligence Faithfulness Character Integrity FamilyWe want our children to be successful adults
Prepared All ready going that way before they get there Parenting is intended to teach our teens to parent themselves Know where you are taking your kids Give them opportunities to prove they are getting there -
Part 2
The goals we should have according to the verse
We want our children to have good behavior.
This idea shows up especially in the early chapters
Listen to our commands Heed our laws Do right and pursue wisdomTeach them to obey
Expectation Communication Follow-through Correction (Proverbs 13:24, 19:18, 22:15, 23:13-14, 29:15,17) -
We Must Emphasize Training
Proverbs 22:6
Recap of our study through Proverbs:
Chapters 1-9 are about his training of his own son.
Chapters 10-31 contain truth about areas we should emphasize.
5 Reasons It Is Right To Emphasize Training
It is a word from Solomon, - known for His God-given wisdom. It is the Word of God by the Holy Spirit and it is therefore profitable for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness. It is based on the truth of sowing and reaping. It is simply a summary of God's plan for the home and family. It makes sense.The Choices We Have As Parents
To train or not to train To teach or not to teach To correct or not to correct To love or not to love To impart wisdom or to leave to folly To prepare for adulthood or to relegate to failure To succeed or to fail -
We must emphasize the dangers of alcohol We understand this is a debated matter All of us agree that drunkenness is wrong Drunkenness is when alcohol is altering our God given faculties It controls our emotions It controls our reactions
2. We understand that this is a problem area
3. We believe it is an easy matter
All of us agree that we are wrong when alcohol is damaging our life and the lives of those around us Solomonâs main point over and over again is that alcohol is dangerous and should be avoided It does much damage One of the leading causes of preventable death in the USA (National institute on alcohol) 1/3 of fatal vehicle accidents were alcohol related 174 million abuse alcohol/only 9 million abuse opiods Financially It is expensive It is costly in how it affects work and health and relationships and so forth4. We must understand that Solomon is warning us about these dangers:
What it does Proverbs 23:29 Also 20:1 It mocks It rages It deceives and destroys wisdom How it happens Proverbs 23:30-31 Linger Search Look Where it leads Proverbs 23:32-35 It bites and stings It affects thinking and perverts v. 33 It makes you sick v. 34 It leaves you deceived. v. 35 It leads to addiction v. 35 It leads to perverted leadership Proverbs 31:4-5 Where it is acceptable Proverbs 31:6-7 Medicinally 1 Tim 5:23As parents we must emphasize the dangers of alcohol.
Show your children those who have been damaged by it
Relationships Car accidents Health failuresStay away from it.
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The Dangers of Anger
We just emphasize the dangers of anger
Here are the main verses in Proverbs dealing with anger:
12:16 A fool's wrath is presently known; but a prudent man coverth shame 14:29 He that is slow to wrath is of great understanding: but he that is hasty of spirit exalteth folly 14:17 He that is soon angry dealeth foolishly: and a man of wicked devices is hated. 15:1 A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger 16:23 He that is slow to anger is better than the mighty: and he that ruleth his spirit than he that taketh a city 19:11 the discretion of a man deferreth his anger: and it is his glory to pass over a transgression 19:18 A man of great wrath will suffer punishment: for if thou deliver him, yet thou must do it again 21:19 It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman 22:24 Make no friendship with an angry man, and with a furious man thou shalt not go 27:3 A stone is heavy, and the sand weighty: but a foolâs wrath is heavier than them both 27:4 Wrath is cruel and anger is outrageous (a torrent - a flood); but who is able to stand before envy. 29:22 An angry man stirreth up strife, and a furious man aboundeth in transgressionLessons learned from these verses
1) We must address our own anger issues: Defeat anger or it will control you and damage you
Confess it as the sin it is Take steps to forsake it2) We must address our children's anger
Younger Children Never ignore anger Rebuke it Correct it (determine beforehand) Teach them how to respond appropriately Older Children Model correct responses Strive to live gently Admit when wrong and ask forgiveness Take steps to correct yourself Teach correct responses Stop and correct every angry response Teach your children the proper response Do it every time! We must separate from anger: handle specific areas in specific ways On a team or in a sport Be drastic here Pull them out Remove them from the team Remove their privileges With a coach An angry coach is a bad influence in your child's life An angry coach is a lousy role model An angry coach is carnal In a relationship Anger will destroy relationships Anger is a deal breaker In friendship In courtship and dating Never date a person who gets angry - and certainly don't marry them Anger that shows up in dating will only compound in marriage We must learn to handle intense matters properly: Learn to speak softly Respond quietly Speak in a lower voice Leave an angry situationAnger will prevent a happy life and a happy family
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1) Counsel Is Important
Proverbs 11:14 Lack of counsel = a fall Lots of counsel = protection Proverbs 12:15 It is foolish to act on your own It is wise to heed counsel Proverbs 15:22 Lack of counsel damages plans Lots of counsel established them Provers 20:5 Counsel is available It has to be found "on purpose" Proverbs 20:15 Greater undertakings demand greater counsel Greater undertakings are successful by counsel2) Counsel Requires Teachability
I should be willing to learn It is a heart matter It requires wisdom Bad counsel - can be tricky There is a way that seems right Always evaluate the source Always evaluate the ending Always evaluate the consensus Good counsel - has proof The end thereof Get counsel from those who have good fruit Dave Teis refused to write a book on parenting until his children were grown Don't learn parenting skills from a novice - a peer - a social media influencer We should be training our children to listen to counsel Proverbs 24:5 Wisdom = strong Knowledge = strength This requires wise counsel This requires much counsel Proverbs 27:9 Friendship is sweet when it includes hearty counsel Where do you find good counsel? Daily devotions - the Bible Prayer for wisdom Hearing the preaching of God's Word Studying good books written by good authors and published by respected publishers Learning from successful people We have talked many times to successful parents to ask for advice We schedule talks with successful parents Study history...if something has worked for a millennium, pull from thatNever face difficult situations without much counsel
Consider giving a trusted counselor veto power during times of great difficulty
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We must continually protect our children from foolish influences.
1) Internet
Only when supervised Not just for fun Not just because they're bored Use Gryphon Use Covenant Eyes Frequently check phones and computer history Keept it random Make it a surprise2) Social Media
None is always best How to do it? Get other parents to join you Get your school on board Teach your children to stand alone What to do if you do it? Make it a rite of passage Sign an agreement Write a paper Read a book My Tech-Wise Life Ways your phone is changing you Tiktok - dangerous and damaging Emotionally damaging Relationally damaging Legally damaging Purity damaging Instagram3) Music
Have standards
Talk thorugh matters and continually offer biblical wisdom
No one can handle a diet of unBiblical thinking communciated via music
4) Movies
Be careful Always evaluate a movie prior to watching it Wait for it to be available via Vidangel or on Clearplay Talk about reasons and teach truths -
Dave and Bethlie continue their study in Proverbs. This week, they'll continue their focus on Influences That Kill with a special focus on friendships.
We must protect our children from lousy friends.
The Simple (they lack wisdom) The Fool (makes fun of sin; ridicules righteousness)Lousy friends can quickly undo everything we teach our children
Better to have no friends than to have lousy ones
Amnon (Old Testament) had a friend and it eventually cost him his life
A good friend does right and helps you do right
We must protect our children from lousy friends
Choose their friends Insist they sit with you rather than friends Never allow them to be unsupervised (alone) No overnight in another home No teens alone in a car No teens alone on a trip No teens alone in a room Drop out of sports rather than allow teammates to influence your kids in lousy direction -
In this episode, Dave and Bethlie discuss the importance of godly and positive influences in the family. They emphasize the need to shield children and ourselves from negative, harmful influences.
Proverbs 13:20
We must emphasize the blessings and dangers of influence.
Proverbs 1:11-19
Proverbs 9:6
The best influences are those that impart righteousness and wisdom.
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Dave and Bethlie discuss words that destroy marriage from Proverbs 12.
Our words can do massive damage:
When we speak in "never" and "always" When we are mean. When we make broad assumptions.Beware of the "norms" in our society
Sarcasm Belittling Negativity Unkindness RudenessDetermine to be different by:
Gratitude is healthy Kindness is healthy Sincerity is healthy Gentleness is healthy Respect is healthy -
Proverbs 11
Teaching our children to have Integrity
What it is?
It is honesty v. 1 The quality of being honest and having strong moral principles that one refuses to change (Cambridge Online Dictionary) Think of Joseph and Potipharâs wife Think of Daniel and his three friends in Daniel 1 And again in Daniel 3 when they wouldnât bow to the false god And again in Daniel 6 when Daniel prayed even though it meant death This was an old command reiterated by Solomon Deuteronomy 25:12-14 Proverbs 16:11 and 20:10 It was a sin addressed by Hosea in 12:7 We must teach our children to always be honest For us, this was a spanking matter Matthew Henry says âHe is not an honest man that is not devout; he is not a godly man that is not honest.â Dishonest business dealings are offensive to God Nothing is more pleasing to God than fair and honest dealing It models who God is He will do right every single time . . . It is humility v. 2 Notice that it is the opposite of pride Nebuchanezzar was severely judged by God for his pride Herod was as well. Notice that it is blessed by God Humility leads us to wisdom It is uprightness v. 3 The word means correct; right; straight Psalm 25:21 Let integrity and uprightness preserve me; for I wait on thee. It is righteousness. v. 4-6Why it matters?
It guides us v. 3 It makes a difference in death v. 4 A good conscience makes the end of ones life easier It leads us to righteousness It counsels us It makes us gracious It makes us generous It brings life v. 30 It bypasses judgment v. 32How do you get it?
You train it Proverbs 20:11 A child either has it or doesnât Verse 5 When they get it and mature - it directs their way Perfect = complete or mature or whole You pursue it We often have opportunity to pursue integrity . . . You live it It shows up in how we treat people In how we run our business -
Part 4
Solomon is writing about how to pursue happiness and success- especially in our families
How do we get there?
We must emphasize Godâs blessings v. 22 We should believe in Godâs blessings v. 25 HE gives an everlasting foundation v. 27 He prolongs days v. 28. He gives gladness V. 29 His way gives strength 28:20 a faithful man shall abound with blessings Psalm 107:38 Genesis 12:2; 13:2; 24:35 We should desire Godâs blessings Sometimes they are material/physical Deuteronomy 8:17-18 We work for these (and save and pray) We give thanks for these Sometimes they are spiritual Love joy and peace Contentment Favor Sometimes they are relational A good friend A good spouse He that findeth a wife, findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favor from the Lord Children Lo, children are a heritage of the Lord and the fruit of the womb is His reward In-laws A good spouse for your children A family connection that results Adams, Mundays, Pisneys, and soon to be Gentiles Bethlieâs parents to me and my parents to herQuestions:
How do we balance the idea of Godâs blessings and the issue of âbad thingsâ that happen? How do we teach this to our children? Is it ok to think of Godâs blessings as material? How do we balance this with the idea that the best ones are not? - Vis mere
