Episoder
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Zach and Laura explore the complexities of transitions, nostalgia, and holiday traditions. Laura is feeling proud of her proud of her gym routine, even if her husband hasn't noticed. Meanwhile, Zach recounts nostalgic moments from a recent trip to his hometown, emphasizing how revisiting the past can offer clarity and a sense of grounding.
The conversation also dives into “sliding door” moments, those pivotal decisions that shape our lives. Laura reflects on turning down a high-powered job at Microsoft to pursue a life filled with love, adventure, and personal growth. Zach, on the other hand, ponders alternate paths and how they’ve led him to the life and family he cherishes today. This episode is a blend of humor, heartfelt moments, and meaningful reflections on how we embrace change and the lives we’ve chosen.
Reflections on Nostalgia Zach recounts a recent trip to his hometown, filled with memories of childhood friends, old haunts, and transformative moments that shaped his perspective.
Sliding Door Moments Both hosts reflect on the life-changing decisions they’ve made, from career moves to relationship choices, and how those decisions created the lives they now cherish.
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Zach and Laura kick things off with their signature banter, sharing personal stories from their week. Zach recounts his recent trip to Chicago, sharing about connecting with an old friend and nerding out about superheroes. Laura recounts her excitement about seeing Wicked with her son, reflecting on the joy of revisiting experiences that remind us to embrace wonder and connection.
As the conversation transitions, Zach and Laura tackle the nuanced topic of manipulation versus boundaries in relationships. What’s the difference between expressing your needs and attempting to control your partner’s behavior? They explore how manipulation often sneaks in when communication breaks down and how healthy, collaborative boundaries can strengthen relationships.
Laura opens up about a time early in her marriage when she used the silent treatment as a manipulative tactic to get her way. She admits, “I thought I was being clever, but really, I was just shutting my partner out.” Zach shares how guilt and unclear communication led to his own missteps in creating healthy boundaries. They explore common examples—emotional, time, financial, and physical boundaries—illustrating how small changes can lead to healthier dynamics.
The episode balances humor, personal anecdotes, and expert insights as Zach and Laura share practical strategies for recognizing manipulation, fostering intentional communication, and setting clear boundaries that honor both partners' needs.
Key Takeaways
Manipulation vs. Boundaries:
Manipulation seeks to control behavior by exploiting emotions, guilt, or fear.
Boundaries are clear, respectful expressions of needs and limits to protect well-being without forcing a partner’s behavior.
Recognizing Unhealthy Tactics: Examples of manipulative behavior include silent treatment, ultimatums, threats, love bombing, and triangulation (using a third party to create jealousy or tension).
Why Manipulation Happens: When couples fail to communicate boundaries clearly, manipulative patterns often arise out of frustration, fear, or avoidance of direct confrontation.
Healthy Boundaries Require Collaboration: Healthy boundaries are created through mutual agreement, clear communication, and respect for each other’s needs and limits.
Sponsor:
Get 10% off your first month at BETTER HELP by visiting https://betterhelp.com/marriagetherapy
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Manglende episoder?
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Zach and Laura are joined by special guest Dr. Jeanne Michele https://drjeannemichele.com/, a relationship coach and author of The Infidelity Cure https://amzn.to/4g6QBSf. The trio delves into the complex topic of infidelity, exploring its emotional impact, the motivations behind it, and how couples can navigate the aftermath. Jeanne shares her professional insights, emphasizing the importance of understanding vulnerability factors that can lead to affairs and the paths to recovery for all parties involved: the betrayed partner, the involved partner, and the affair partner.
The conversation is rich with anecdotes, practical advice, and moments of levity, as Jeanne, Zach, and Laura reflect on the deeper needs driving infidelity and how couples can rebuild trust. From navigating the decision to disclose an affair to setting new boundaries and agreements, this episode offers a compassionate guide for those grappling with the complexities of betrayal and healing in relationships.
Key Takeaways:
Infidelity as a Crisis and Opportunity: Jeanne highlights how an affair, while painful, can serve as a wake-up call for couples to address neglected aspects of their relationship and potentially strengthen their bond.
Understanding Vulnerability Factors: External and internal factors, such as unmet emotional needs or personal insecurities, can create conditions where an affair might occur. Awareness and communication are key to mitigating these risks.
Navigating Disclosure: Jeanne and Laura discuss whether disclosing an affair is always necessary, emphasizing the importance of considering the motivations and potential impact of disclosure on the betrayed partner.
Healing Requires Individual and Joint Work: Rebuilding trust involves both partners reflecting on their values, setting clear boundaries, and working together to create a new, healthier relationship dynamic.
Support for All Parties: Jeanne discusses the importance of including the affair partner in the healing process, encouraging them to address their own patterns and emotional needs.
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Zach and Laura explore the theme of transitions in relationships and the importance of honoring life’s natural seasons. They share personal stories about changes in their own lives, from shifting priorities to redefining roles in work and family. Together, they discuss how relationships—whether professional, personal, or familial—are constantly evolving, and how embracing these transitions with grace can lead to deeper connections and personal growth.
The conversation highlights the significance of open communication, mutual respect, and self-awareness when navigating times of change. Zach and Laura offer insights into how couples and individuals can approach transitions thoughtfully, ensuring that shifts strengthen rather than strain their relationships. With humor, warmth, and vulnerability, this episode is a heartfelt reflection on growth, priorities, and the beauty of new beginnings.
Key Points:
Honoring Transitions in Relationships: Zach and Laura reflect on how relationships naturally evolve over time, emphasizing the importance of aligning actions with values during periods of change.
Shifting Priorities: They discuss how focusing on family, personal growth, or new commitments can reshape the way we allocate time and energy in our relationships.
Navigating Change with Grace: The hosts highlight the importance of open communication and mutual respect when facing life’s transitions, whether they’re planned or unexpected.
Lessons in Flexibility and Adaptation: Zach and Laura explore how embracing change with intention and flexibility can lead to stronger, more resilient relationships.
Looking Ahead: They encourage listeners to think about how transitions can be opportunities for growth, both individually and within partnerships, and to embrace the potential that new beginnings bring.
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Zach and Laura take a deep dive into the highs, lows, and unexpected lessons that come with weddings and the relationships they celebrate. Drawing from their own wedding stories—like Laura’s epic lightning-filled ceremony and Zach’s traditional Connecticut celebration—they explore how these milestone events can shape and reflect the dynamics of a relationship.
The discussion covers the importance of crafting meaningful vows, navigating family dynamics during wedding planning, and embracing the imperfections that inevitably arise. Zach and Laura emphasize how weddings can highlight relational strengths and challenges, serving as both a “before and after” moment in a couple’s journey. They also touch on the value of premarital counseling as a way to address potential hurdles before walking down the aisle.
Packed with humor, heartfelt advice, and practical insights, this episode is perfect for anyone planning a wedding, reflecting on their marriage, or simply looking for a fresh perspective on love and commitment.
Episode Highlights:
Reflecting on Personal Weddings: Zach and Laura share stories from their weddings, including Laura’s stormy outdoor ceremony with a lightning bolt photo and Zach’s traditional Connecticut celebration.
Making Vows Meaningful: They discuss the importance of writing vows that genuinely reflect your relationship, rather than sticking to generic scripts.
Navigating Family Dynamics: They both reflect on how family involvement—whether financial or emotional—can shape the wedding experience and bring hidden tensions to the surface.
The Role of Weddings in Relationships: Zach and Laura explore how weddings function as a “before and after” moment, highlighting the personal growth and relational shifts they can signify.
Advice for Engaged Couples: From embracing imperfections to focusing on shared values, Zach and Laura provide practical advice for making weddings meaningful and stress-free.
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Zach and Laura reflect on significant milestones and life lessons. Laura shares her journey of completing the New York Marathon, weaving in lessons about endurance, self-discovery, and how the physical demands of a marathon parallel the emotional effort required in relationships. Zach celebrates four years of sobriety, reflecting on how his journey has reshaped his relationships, health, and mindset.
The episode dives into themes of personal growth, resilience, and navigating difficult phases in life. Zach recites a favorite poem about marathons, illustrating how breaking down challenges into smaller, manageable parts can lead to long-term success. Laura reflects on her recent decision to quit alcohol, sharing the impact it has had on her physical and mental health, as well as her desire to model positive habits for her family. Together, they explore how embracing hard things—like running a marathon or choosing sobriety—can create space for joy, clarity, and meaningful connections.
The conversation also touches on the value of support systems, including friendships and therapy, and how intentional choices can lead to lasting positive change.
Episode Highlights:
Laura’s Marathon Journey: Laura shares her experience running the New York Marathon, focusing on how the lessons learned about pacing and persistence mirror challenges in relationships.
Zach’s Sobriety Milestone: Zach celebrates four years of sobriety, reflecting on how it has improved his relationships and health, and the lessons it has taught him about gratitude and self-awareness.
Overcoming the Firsts in Sobriety: They discuss navigating the “firsts” of sobriety—holidays, social events, and other triggers—and how these milestones contribute to long-term success.
Parallels Between Marathons and Relationships: Zach recites a poem about running a marathon, drawing parallels between breaking down physical challenges and overcoming relational hurdles.
Phases of Life and Relationships: Laura emphasizes the importance of recognizing that difficult phases—whether in parenting, relationships, or personal growth—are temporary and can be navigated with intention.
Sponsor:
Get 10% off your first month at BETTER HELP by visiting https://betterhelp.com/marriagetherapy
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Zach and Laura welcome relationship expert and mental health advocate Allison Raskin. They dive into her latest book, I Do, I Think: Conversations About Modern Marriage, exploring how marriage and commitment have evolved in today’s society. Allison shares insights into the “modern marriage,” discussing how relationships have shifted from traditional roles to more flexible, individual-focused commitments.
Allison opens up about her personal journey, including her past engagement and recent marriage, which shaped her views on love and relationships. She reflects on the importance of balancing individual needs within a partnership, the dynamics of choosing marriage when it’s no longer societally mandatory, and how to handle changes in relationship expectations. Together, they discuss concepts like emotional regulation, and how the flexibility of “modern marriage” allows for more intentional choices about commitment.
The conversation also covers different relationship models, such as non-monogamy, financial independence within marriage, and the significance of setting boundaries that meet each partner’s needs. Allison highlights the role of mental health in relationships and shares her journey from comedy to mental health advocacy. They wrap up with a fun chat about her YouTube channel and podcast, Just Between Us, which she co-hosts, and her Substack newsletter, Emotional Support Lady.
To explore more about Allison Raskin’s work, visit https://www.allisonraskin.com/, check out her latest book I Do, I Think here, and tune into her podcast Just Between Us https://www.youtube.com/c/JustBetweenUs.
Episode Highlights:
Allison’s Journey to Relationship Expertise: Allison discusses her path from comedy to becoming a mental health advocate and relationship expert, sharing how her past relationships and personal challenges led her to study psychology.
Marriage as a Choice, Not a Requirement: Allison shares her perspective on marriage as an optional, personal choice, encouraging partners to approach it with intention rather than societal expectation.
Different Relationship Models: From non-monogamy to financial independence, they discuss how modern relationships can take on various forms to meet the unique needs of each couple.
Rethinking Sexual Attraction in Long-Term Partnerships: Allison offers advice on rekindling attraction by intentionally creating environments that foster connection, rather than expecting spontaneous desire.
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Zach’s shares his pedicure obsession. Laura has a rousing night with a bunch of Cathys at the senior center.
After Laura attended Zach's Relationship Boot Camp she has questions about the concept of a Core Negative Image (CNI) and how it affects relationships. Zach and Laura unpack how each partner’s perceptions, often rooted in past experiences or insecurities, can lead to exaggerated negative views of one another, especially during periods of stress.
They also discuss rituals for client sessions, with Laura emphasizing the importance of taking responsibility for actions and acknowledging positive efforts, helping clients shift from criticism to affirmation.
Episode Highlights:
Exploring Core Negative Images (CNI): They delve into the concept of CNI, discussing how we sometimes assign exaggerated negative traits to our partners, especially when stressed or triggered.
Relationship Boot Camp Insights: Laura reflects on attending Zach’s relationship boot camp and highlights practical techniques for managing conflict and improving communication.
Rituals in Therapy Sessions: Laura shares her new client session ritual, which includes acknowledging positive efforts and taking responsibility for missteps, promoting empathy and connection.
Sponsor:
Practice love every day with Paired, the #1 app for couples. Download the app at https://www.paired.com/MTR50
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Zach shares of his first-time experience with Dungeons and Dragons. Laura is looking forward to a murder mystery party.
They then explore the dynamics of acknowledging and meeting your partner's expressed needs, using a story from Laura’s therapy practice as a springboard to discuss the significance of understanding each other's boundaries and preferences.
Zach and Laura examine the role of emotional responses in relationships, particularly around anger and justified reactions. They emphasize the importance of differentiating between feeling attacked and being attacked, highlighting how trauma and personal history can sometimes cause a partner to perceive threats where none exist. They also discuss the concept of “getting big” to protect oneself and how trauma work—especially body-focused approaches—can aid in emotional regulation.
The episode concludes with reflections on long-term commitment, the value of patience in relational healing, and the realities of navigating relationships with a trauma-affected partner. They end on a light note, inviting listeners to explore their Patreon for bonus content, including personal stories and Zach’s book club.
Episode Highlights:
Acknowledging Partner’s Needs: Laura shares a story about a couple dealing with a move due to one partner’s mental health needs, opening up a discussion on balancing personal needs with relationship commitments.
Differentiating Feeling Attacked from Being Attacked: Zach and Laura explore how trauma can shape a person’s perception of conflict, offering insights on how partners can respond thoughtfully rather than reactively.
“Getting Big” to Protect Yourself: They discuss how partners sometimes amplify their reactions to feel more secure, emphasizing the importance of finding healthy expressions of anger and frustration.
Patience in Relational Healing: Laura reflects on a partner’s question about when their relationship will feel “normal” again, underscoring that healing is often a slow process requiring empathy and grace.
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Laura has her first snow of the year, and on her morning run no less. Zach thanks you for listening and shares his admiration for another podcaster.
They transition into a great conversation about how partners can communicate and take responsibility in meeting each other’s needs.
Laura shares a personal story about her relationship with her husband, Ryan, highlighting the tension that arises when Ryan commits to activities, like golf trips, without considering the impact on family time. This sparks a larger conversation about how partners can navigate commitments and balance personal interests with family responsibilities. They explore the concept of taking responsibility in a relationship, with Zach emphasizing the importance of reporting back to your partner about how you’re honoring their requests and commitments.
Zach and Laura also discuss the role of empathy and how partners can preemptively check in on each other's feelings and needs. They reflect on how simple acts, like acknowledging a partner’s feelings or proactively addressing concerns, can prevent conflicts from escalating. The episode offers practical insights into how couples can take small but meaningful steps to improve communication and build trust.
Episode Highlights:
Balancing Commitments in Relationships: Laura shares her experience with Ryan’s golf trips, exploring the tension between supporting personal activities and maintaining family balance.
Taking Responsibility in a Relationship: Zach explains the importance of reporting back to your partner about honoring requests, ensuring that both partners feel heard and respected.
Empathy and Preemptive Communication: They dive into how checking in with your partner before an issue arises can prevent unnecessary conflict and strengthen connection.
How to Respond with Gratitude Instead of Reactivity: Laura discusses how responding with gratitude, even in moments of frustration, can help build a stronger emotional bond with your partner.
Trust and Transparency in Relationships: Zach and Laura explore how transparency about decisions and actions, even small ones, can help build trust over time.
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Zach and Laura kick off this episode with some fun banter about Laura's outfit and a Zoom-themed party Zach attended with their mutual friend. They quickly shift gears to discuss the feedback they’ve been receiving from long-time listeners. With heartfelt messages from those who’ve listened to every episode, they reflect on the value their show has brought to people’s lives. Zach asks: How has listening to every episode of Marriage Therapy Radio impacted your life or relationships?
Laura shares a realization of how powerful affirmation can be, whether it’s with a spouse, children, or even teachers greeting students. This leads to her marriage tip of the day: Affirm someone today.
Zach and Laura dive into a TV show they've been watching, Nobody Wants This, which sparks a rich discussion about the dynamics of vulnerability, communication, and relationships depicted in the show. They explore themes of openness, accepting influence, and navigating the tension between personal identity and compromise within relationships. Zach relates moments from the show to real-life relationship dynamics, offering insights on how viewers can learn from the fictional couple’s journey.
Episode Highlights:
Listener Shoutouts and Affirmation: Zach and Laura share feedback from listeners who have listened to every episode, reflecting on the impact of the podcast.
Marriage Tip: Affirm Someone Today: Laura encourages listeners to take a moment to affirm someone, noting how powerful simple recognition can be in relationships and everyday interactions.
Insights from Nobody Wants This: Zach and Laura dive into their analysis of the TV show Nobody Wants This, discussing themes of vulnerability, relationship dynamics, and the importance of communication. They draw parallels between the show’s characters and real-life couples.
Join the Conversation:
Zach and Laura invite you to reach out if the podcast has impacted your relationships or if you’ve found certain episodes particularly meaningful. They also encourage you to check out Nobody Wants This and watch it through the lens of relationship growth.
Sponsor:
Practice love every day with Paired, the #1 app for couples. Download the app at https://www.paired.com/MTR50
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Zach and Laura kick off this episode with some fun banter about Laura's outfit and a Zoom-themed party Zach attended with their mutual friend. They quickly shift gears to discuss the feedback they’ve been receiving from long-time listeners. With heartfelt messages from those who’ve listened to every episode, they reflect on the value their show has brought to people’s lives. Zach asks: How has listening to every episode of Marriage Therapy Radio impacted your life or relationships?
Laura shares a realization of how powerful affirmation can be, whether it’s with a spouse, children, or even teachers greeting students. This leads to her marriage tip of the day: Affirm someone today.
Zach and Laura dive into a TV show they've been watching, Nobody Wants This, which sparks a rich discussion about the dynamics of vulnerability, communication, and relationships depicted in the show. They explore themes of openness, accepting influence, and navigating the tension between personal identity and compromise within relationships. Zach relates moments from the show to real-life relationship dynamics, offering insights on how viewers can learn from the fictional couple’s journey.
Episode Highlights:
Listener Shoutouts and Affirmation: Zach and Laura share feedback from listeners who have listened to every episode, reflecting on the impact of the podcast.
Marriage Tip: Affirm Someone Today: Laura encourages listeners to take a moment to affirm someone, noting how powerful simple recognition can be in relationships and everyday interactions.
Insights from Nobody Wants This: Zach and Laura dive into their analysis of the TV show Nobody Wants This, discussing themes of vulnerability, relationship dynamics, and the importance of communication. They draw parallels between the show’s characters and real-life couples.
Join the Conversation:
Zach and Laura invite you to reach out if the podcast has impacted your relationships or if you’ve found certain episodes particularly meaningful. They also encourage you to check out Nobody Wants This and watch it through the lens of relationship growth.
Sponsor:
Practice love every day with Paired, the #1 app for couples. Download the app at https://www.paired.com/MTR50
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Zach and Laura celebrate a special milestone—seven years of Marriage Therapy Radio. They kick things off with some lighthearted banter about their journey, joking about sending out autographed glamour shots. From there, they dive into a listener email from a woman navigating an in-home separation from her husband, who she suspects may be engaging in secretive behavior.
They explore the complexities of separation, emphasizing the importance of clear boundaries, purpose, and communication. Whether you're in a separation or just curious, Zach and Laura share insights on how separation can lead to healing or more confusion, depending on how it’s handled. Zach raises concerns about secretive behavior, like hiding phone activity, often being a signal of deeper issues, and they give practical advice on addressing distrust in relationships.
They also talk about the value of having a separation agreement, with clear guidelines for how you’ll navigate this period. Laura encourages you to trust your gut when something feels "off", and approach the situation with curiosity rather than accusations. Zach reminds you that taking leadership by setting expectations and boundaries can help reestablish trust and connection.
Episode Highlights:
Celebrating Seven Years of Marriage Therapy Radio: Zach and Laura reflect on seven years of podcasting, sharing playful moments and celebrating their journey with you.
The Complexities of Separation: They break down how to navigate an in-home separation, stressing the need for clear boundaries and a shared purpose to avoid further emotional turmoil.
Addressing Secretive Behavior in Relationships: Zach and Laura give you advice on how to confront suspicious behavior—like hiding phone activity—and how to have honest conversations about trust.
Separation as a Tool for Healing: They explain that separation doesn’t have to lead to divorce, but can instead be used for personal growth and healing if you approach it with care and intention.
Taking Leadership in Relationships: Zach encourages you to take a leadership role by setting clear expectations and boundaries during difficult times, which can model healthy behaviors for your children.
Join the Conversation:
If you have a relationship question or a story to share, Zach and Laura would love to hear from you. You can send in your questions for future episodes! Also, check out the upcoming online Relational Life Therapy Boot Camp that Zach will be co-leading. More details are available on the Marriage Therapy Radio website.
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Laura shares her pride in completing a triathlon and Zach chimes in with his marathon experiences. The discussion transitions into deeper relationship topics, focusing on how to apologize effectively and, just as importantly, how to receive an apology.
Zach emphasizes that successful relationships are not just about knowing how to apologize, but also about knowing how to accept a partner’s apology. They explore common pitfalls in apologizing, such as using the word “but,” and highlight how defensiveness can block genuine repair efforts.
The hosts reference the work of Harriet Lerner and her book Why Won’t You Apologize? to guide their discussion on the do’s and don’ts of apologizing. Key points include avoiding justification in apologies, focusing on one’s own actions, and not using an apology to manipulate or silence a partner’s feelings. They conclude with reflections on the importance of patience and openness, particularly when building trust and navigating long-term emotional injuries.
Episode Highlights:
How to Apologize Effectively: Laura breaks down the steps to making a meaningful apology, emphasizing the importance of owning your actions and avoiding justifications that can diminish the apology’s impact.
Receiving an Apology: Zach explains how receiving an apology with gratitude is a crucial part of repair, allowing space for ongoing healing even if the hurt is not immediately resolved.
Avoiding the “But” in Apologies: Laura highlights how using “but” in an apology can negate the acknowledgment of harm and frustrate repair attempts.
Building Trust Through Repeated Repairs: The discussion emphasizes that long-term healing in relationships is only possible through repeated, genuine efforts to repair and demonstrate change.
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Laura finds out how Zach did hanging out with her family over the weekend. Zach shares his struggle between choosing a trendy neighborhood or staying in a corporate setting, leading into a conversation about how environments can affect work and client experiences.
They then discuss relational boundaries and the concept of outsourcing emotional needs. Laura explains how people often put too much pressure on their partner to fulfill all their emotional needs, advocating instead for "outsourcing" some emotional support to friends, therapists, or family members—when done with mutual consent. Zach and Laura also reflect on the pressures partners can feel when they are expected to meet specific needs, especially around physical and emotional intimacy.
They share a couple of sneak peek clips of the new, Patreon exclusive series, So I Married a Relationship Expert.
Episode Highlights:
Zach’s Office Dilemma: Zach debates between two office locations—one in a corporate setting and the other in a trendy neighborhood—offering insights into decision-making and how change affects routine.
Outsourcing Emotional Needs: Laura explains the importance of seeking support outside the relationship, advocating for healthy outsourcing of emotional needs when a partner can’t meet every need, with mutual consent.
Effort vs. Excellence in Relationships: Zach shares a story about a couple where one partner feels validated not because of perfection, but because of the effort made in the relationship. They emphasize how important it is to acknowledge effort even when outcomes aren’t perfect.
Acceptance in Relationships: Laura reflects on how some couples reach a point where acceptance of their partner’s limitations is key to maintaining a healthy relationship, rather than continually pushing for unmet needs to be fulfilled.
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Zach and Laura discuss the launch of their new book, Reconnect, and how couples can use it to improve their relationship.
They delve into an in-depth discussion on the concept of gaslighting, clarifying that it involves malicious, intentional manipulation—far different from the common emotional invalidation many couples experience.
Episode Highlights:
How to Use Reconnect: Zach and Laura suggest couples can work through the book slowly, section by section, or use it more casually, dipping into exercises or conversations as needed. They emphasize flexibility in how the book is used to foster meaningful conversations and connection.
Gaslighting vs. Emotional Invalidation: They break down the difference between true gaslighting and more common relational behaviors, like emotional invalidation. They stress that many couples mislabel situations as gaslighting when, in fact, they involve misunderstandings or disagreements about past events.
Parallel Universes Technique: Zach shares a therapeutic approach where he helps couples understand that their different realities may never align. He introduces the idea of “parallel universes” as a way for partners to acknowledge each other’s feelings without requiring complete agreement on the facts.
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Zach is feeling bad that his mustache has garnered very little attention. Laura thinks he should keep it. Zach reports back on his experience with his daughter at the Dave Matthew's Band show.
They go on to discuss a bit of some conflict they had right before starting to record. It leads to some great insight into managing one's behavior and reactions even when they are a well-worn habit.
Episode Highlights:
Managing Defensiveness and Criticism: Zach and Laura explore the recurring dynamic of defensiveness and criticism in their own friendship, with Zach noting that managing his defensiveness is one of the most important skills for him maintaining a healthy relationship. They emphasize the importance of pausing and choosing how to respond rather than reacting immediately.
Confirmation Bias in Relationships: The hosts discuss how confirmation bias can skew perceptions in relationships, using a client story to illustrate how one partner might misinterpret their partner’s behavior based on past experiences. The takeaway is to pause and challenge assumptions, asking open-ended questions instead of jumping to conclusions.
Relationships as Growth Machines: Laura mentions a phrase from her colleague that “relationships are human growing machines.” The idea is that relationships constantly challenge us to grow, reflect, and improve. The hosts emphasize that relational growth takes time, patience, and a willingness to embrace discomfort.
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Laura talks about her new bucket list project, inspired by a client challenge, which leads to a broader conversation about dreaming big and setting personal goals. Zach reflects on a deeply personal experience with his daughter, showcasing the complexities of parent-child relationships and the healing power of patience and open communication. Together, Laura and Zach explore the dynamics of how personal growth and responsiveness to each other’s needs can significantly impact the quality and longevity of relationships. Throughout the episode, they encourage listeners to engage more deeply with their own relationships by taking practical steps and fostering open, honest communication.
Episode Highlights:
Turning Towards Your Partner’s Needs: They discuss how small, everyday choices to be attentive and responsive to your partner’s needs can strengthen your relationship. Even seemingly minor issues, like Laura’s hearing concerns, can grow into larger stressors if not addressed. The takeaway is the importance of consistently turning towards your partner's needs to maintain a strong connection.
Mental Health as a Common Enemy: Zach and Laura highlight the value of viewing mental health challenges like anxiety or depression as "common enemies" in a relationship. By naming and acknowledging these issues, couples can unite against them, fostering a sense of teamwork and mutual support rather than letting the challenges divide them.
Keeping Your Partner Engaged: Laura and Zach emphasize the importance of personal growth and maintaining hobbies and interests. They discuss how having passions outside the relationship can make you a more interesting partner and help keep the relationship dynamic and fulfilling.
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Zach introduces Laura, his "little sister," and Julie Ruediger, his friend, mentor, and "big sister”. They discuss how they met, what they’ve learned from each other, and the work they are doing
together this fall.
Episode Highlights:
Sibling Dynamics and Family Reunions: Zach introduces Julie, who immediately fits into the sibling-like rapport he shares with Laura. The trio dives into stories about family reunions, sibling rivalries, and the lighthearted teasing that defines their relationships.
Saying Goodbye to Summer: Zach reflects on dropping his daughter Abi off at the airport and the mixed emotions of enjoying a peaceful home while missing her presence. The conversation touches on the challenges and joys of parenting young adults ready to spread their wings.
Julie’s Mentorship and Training with Zach: Julie shares her journey as a mentor at Terry Reals' Relational Life Institute, where she met Zach. They reminisce about their early training sessions, highlighting Zach's growth and talent as a teacher and therapist.
Introduction to Relationship Boot Camps: Julie and Zach discuss the upcoming relationship boot camp they are co-facilitating in Philadelphia. They explain the boot camp's structure, purpose, and unique benefits, whether attending as a couple or an individual. The boot camp is designed to teach essential relationship skills in a condensed, intensive format, making therapeutic principles accessible and actionable.
Understanding the Adaptive Child: The episode delves into the concept of the "adaptive child," a key idea in relational therapy that refers to the immature, reactive part of ourselves. Julie and Zach discuss how the boot camp helps participants recognize and manage this aspect of their personalities, enhancing personal growth and relationship satisfaction.
Navigating Family Triggers: The conversation circles back to family dynamics, with Zach sharing a personal story about managing his temper during a summer visit with his daughter. Julie offers insights on how family relationships can often trigger our adaptive child and the importance of conscious, deliberate responses to these triggers.
Resources mentioned in this episode:
Relational Life Foundation (https://www.relationallifefoundation.org/) - This website provides information about various boot camps available throughout the year, particularly aimed at individuals who need financial aid or help to access these programs.
Relational Life (https://relationallife.com/) - Similar to the foundation's website, this site offers details on relationship boot camps, with sections dedicated to both couples and therapists. You can find a list of available boot camps and other resources for relationship improvement.
Terry Real (https://terryreal.com/) - Terry Real's website provides a comprehensive list of boot camps for both online and in-person formats, with sections tailored for couples and therapists. You can find schedules, locations, and registration details for various workshops across the country.
Marriage Therapy Radio (https://marriagetherapyradio.com) – Find the links to all the boot camps conducted by Zach Brittle, including both online and in-person sessions.
Julie Rudiger (https://www.julierudiger.com/) - Julie Rudiger's website provides a way for people to reach out to her directly with any questions about the boot camps or other relationship resources. It also hosts information on her workshops and professional services.
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Laura shares her latest journey towards better gut health and the surprising benefits she's noticed, like increased energy and clarity. Zach talks about some feelings that were brought up when seeing his brother at the recent Lard Butt race.
They then tackle an important listener question: Is it okay to have close friends of the opposite sex (or any potential partner alternative), outside of your marriage? Laura and Zach explore the complexities of friendships in marriage, discussing the importance of trust, communication, and setting boundaries. They share insights on maintaining healthy friendships while ensuring your marriage remains the top priority.
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