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Photo Courtesy of Dudley Dana
In this fantastic new episode of the Practically Perfect Parenting Podcast, John tries to inspire Sara to be more cooperative. You can guess how well that works. As the usual Sara-John dynamics fly, you’ll learn about three situations that tend to elicit children’s defiance, how children’s styles may make them more or less cooperative, general principles of inspiring cooperation in children, and specific techniques you can try out with your children. You’ll also hear Sara ask John, “Is it wrong for me to stalk my children?” and Sara will share her feedback to John about whether he should brag or not. In the stunning conclusion, you’ll find out John’s uncensored thoughts on free range parenting and whether or not he recommends that you read, “Free Range Kids” by Lenore Skenazy.
The Practically Perfect Parenting Podcast (PPPP) is brought to you in part by the Charles Engelhard Foundation and the National Parenting Education Network . . . but you should be aware that the views expressed on this and every episode of the PPPP do not necessarily reflect the views of our sponsors, our listeners, or anyone other than Sara Polanchek and John Sommers-Flanagan.
The PPPP provides general educational information designed to promote positive parenting practices, but this podcast should not be considered your final source of professional advice. If you have questions about specific parenting or care taking scenarios, we recommend that you meet with a professional who can help you address the unique situations that you’re facing in your life.
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When John mentions the title of this episode of the Practically Perfect Parenting Podcast, Sara emits the sophisticated professional response of “Eewww gross.” Don’t worry. Things get better from there, because you get to hear a wide range of strategies for teaching children about healthy relationships, including Sara’s super-secret and bizarrely named strategy called “the spinach in the muffins technique.” You also get to hear several inappropriate self-disclosures, unfair accusations (as in when Sara says John just wants to reminisce about his Teen Love experiences), the Romeo and Juliet effect, and how much Sara’s teenage boys look forward to her talking with them about sexuality and intimacy. In the end, we agree that healthy relationships are the number one predictor of happiness and offer fantastic resources like the Dibble Institute https://www.dibbleinstitute.org/ and the CDC’s Teen Dating Violence webpage: https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/intimatepartnerviolence/teen-dating-violence.html.
The Practically Perfect Parenting Podcast (PPPP) is brought to you in part by the Charles Engelhard Foundation and the National Parenting Education Network . . . but you should also be aware that the views expressed on this and every episode of the PPPP do not necessarily reflect the views of our sponsors, our listeners, or anyone other than Sara Polanchek and John Sommers-Flanagan. . . and, of course, sometimes we’re not even certain that we agree with what we just said.
The PPPP provides general educational information designed to promote positive parenting practices, but this podcast should not be considered a source of professional advice. If you have questions about specific parenting or caretaking scenarios, we recommend that you seek professional services with someone who can help you address the unique situations that you’re facing in your life.
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Manglende episoder?
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John begins this episode feeling nervous, mostly because he has unrealistic expectations about wishing to solve everyone’s anxiety problems with one podcast episode. Fortunately, because Sara is a genius, she immediately helps John feel better about his unrealistic expectations . . . although Sara also immediately makes it so John regrets calling her a genius. As the podcast continues, Sara also shows that she’s not only a genius, but that she is also a neurotic mom who has instilled bizarre fears in her children. (Actually, Sara’s children’s former fear of sharks in the University of Montana pool weren’t really her fault, but because John is writing up this summary of the podcast, John is getting back at Sara for gloating about being a genius.) At this point, rather than continue to make myself (John) sound good and my co-host (Sara) sound neurotic, I should just say that you should listen to this podcast to learn common childhood fears and strategies for helping children face their fears.
This podcast is brought to you by the Charles Engelhard Foundation and NPEN.org
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When it comes to boastful lying, there’s no better example than Penelope, one of Kristen Wiig’s characters on SNL. Penelope is incessantly popping up here and there, basically lying her ass off. The purpose of Penelope’s lies appear relatively straightforward. She seems to be insecure on the inside, therefore, she boasts and brags about her amazing accomplishments, constantly “one-upping” anything that anyone else says.
On second thought, maybe there’s another fictional-nonfiction character who does her one better in the lying department, but let’s not go there.
This Practically Perfect Parenting podcast on lying focuses on two key issues: (1) Why children lie . . . and (2) How parents can handle their children’s lying in ways that encourage honesty.
Sara and John review many different motivations for lying. These include, but are not limited to Penelope’s ego-boosting motivation. For parents, it can be helpful to understand the goals of your children’s lies. Obviously (or maybe not so obviously), if your children lie because they’re afraid to admit they did something wrong, then using harsh punishment with your children may make them even more afraid to tell you the truth and more inclined to lie and more likely to become even better liars.
Not surprisingly, in this episode, John tells a few lies. You’ll have to listen to see how Sara handles him.
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Two brothers, ages 7 and 9, were arguing over an imaginary cookie. In a dramatic turn of events, the older brother brought the invisible cookie to his lips, and took an imaginary bite. Immediately, the younger brother fell to his knees, crying and wailing over the loss of this imagined—yet highly coveted and presumably scrumptious—cookie. In this Practically Perfect Parenting Podcast episode, Dr. John and Dr. Sara attempt to unravel the mysteries of sibling rivalry and discuss how it can serve an important purpose. They remind listeners that, although an understandable fantasy, eliminating conflict is not a reasonable goal. Instead, by accepting a certain amount of sibling rivalry, parents can help children adopt life-long conflict management skills.
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Like the Dead Sea Scrolls, this podcast was thought to be lost forever. Then, somehow the universe returned it to us. As a lost, but freshly rediscovered relic, it includes massive secrets that are about to be unleashed on society. The good news is that you could be the first of your friends and families to hear this secret, life-enhancing message. Listen carefully. Listen closely. Listen with purpose. This podcast will transform your life.
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For this Practically Perfect Parenting Podcast you should just let yourself relax, let go of all expectations, and tune in. You can even practice being bored, because one part of the secret to self-regulation is that it’s all about embracing your boringness (Spoiler alert, Sara gets bored at the end). Another way of putting this, is that the deep secret to self-regulation (which John shares in this episode) is to repeatedly focus on one comforting thing that is—or becomes—boring (for you science types, that means focusing in on one comforting stimulus). Another big part of the secret to self-regulation is mindful acceptance. Of course, you probably know that mindful acceptance is from Buddhist philosophy, but the concrete application of mindful acceptance involves accepting the fact that you will always get distracted and won’t ever be able to meditate or use progressive muscle relaxation perfectly. You can only strive to be imperfectly mindful (and you shouldn’t even strive to hard for that).
If you make it through this podcast episode without falling asleep, then you might be able to answer one of the following questions:
According to Herbert Benson, What are the four parts of the “relaxation response.” What’s the problem with counting sheep as a method for dealing with insomnia? What was the spiritual mantra that John shared?And if you can answer one of these questions and be the first person to post it on our Facebook page, then you will win something—something in addition to having that warm, positive feeling of having been the first person to post the answer.
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In today’s episode, Dr. Sara begins by imagining what it might be like if children, teachers, coworkers, parents, and even world leaders, were able to regulate their emotions. John is so inspired he starts to sing a song from the Beatles, "Imagine all the people living life in peace...," unfortunately (or fortunately) he does a little on-air self-check and remembers that breaking into song isn’t on the agenda. What IS on the agenda, however, is John and Sara explaining the 5 crucial steps parents can follow if they want to help their kids learn to navigate the big world of emotions.
This podcast is brought to you by the Charles Engelhard Foundation and the National Parenting Education Network.
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Behavior Modification: To Use or Not to Use—That is the Question!
Parenting is difficult. Parenting is also wonderful. As parents, most days we’re reminded of parenting challenges and joys. In today’s episode, Dr. Sara and Dr. John talk (and John dons his professorial persona and talks too much). Sara and John they talk about adding the crucial tool of behavior modification to your parenting toolbox. Don’t worry, we know how the idea of “behavior modification” can feel to parents; it can feel too sterile and mechanistic. The expectation isn’t for you to use behavior modification all the time, but instead to be able to use it when you need it. Even more importantly, our hope is for you to learn how to use it effectively. To help fulfill our hopes, Sara tells a story of behavior modification gone wrong and John and Sara share tips for using behavior modification effectively.
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On the Road with the Practically Perfect Parenting Podcast: Q and A with Students from the University of Montana
One day, Sara woke up tired; she was tired of always having to go to a studio to record the Practically Perfect Parenting Podcast episodes. She emailed John and Mike (the sound guy) and suggested we take the show on the road. So we did. Mike put lapel microphones on Sara and John, and set up a standing mic for 50 students in Ariel Goodman’s “Intimate and Family Relationships” class (Counseling 242). The good news is that we got some fabulous Q and A. The bad news is that most of the students were afraid to approach the microphone. Consequently, in some cases John and Sara jumped in and asked questions on behalf of the students. While listening, see if you can pick up on themes from Sara’s and John’s answers. What are Sara’s parenting struggles? What were John’s? If you listen closely, you’ll hear patterns. In the end, the students’ questions were excellent, and Sara’s and John’s answers were pretty darn good too.
This podcast is brought to you by the Charles Engelhard Foundation, and the National Parenting Education Network, Visit them at NPEN.org.
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Parenting in the Age of Trump . . . and Dealing with Other Challenging Role Models Here’s a quick parenting quiz. Question: “How do you spell opportunity?” Answer: “T-R-U-M-P” Regardless of your politics, most of us American parents agree, there’s more profane and disgusting information leaking out of the media and into our children’s brains than ever before in the history of time. This information comes from Twitter, late night comedy, football, and the weather; it’s everywhere and it presents a direct challenge to American family values. What’s a parent to do? In this episode, Dr. Sara and Dr. John take on the Trump phenomenon and although neither of them speak Latin, the bottom-line message is “Carpe Diem!” or “Seize the day!” On their way to seizing the day, Sara and John share their own parental shortcomings. They also brainstorm how to respond when teenage boys come home and say things like, “I just learned that oral sex isn’t really sexL!” They discuss how to take outrageous contemporary media content and use it to facilitate children’s moral development. If you want to face the challenge of parenting in the Trump era and turn it into a moral development opportunity, listen to this episode of the Practically Perfect Parenting Podcast. This podcast is brought to you by the Charles Engelhard Foundation and NPEN.org
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Why Parents Spank Their Children and Why They Should Stop What do you feel when your lovely child misbehaves and then the misbehavior continues or repeats? What happens when you feel terribly angry and just want to make your child’s behavior stop? What happens if you spank your child . . . and then . . . much to your relief, your child’s annoying behavior stops! In this episode, not only do Dr. Sara and Dr. John discuss the negative outcomes linked to spanking, John also annoys Sara so much that she takes the impressive step of turning off his microphone. Will John ever get to speak again? How long does his microphone time-out last? This episode includes a clip of what Cris Carter, former Minnesota Viking and Hall of Fame wide receiver, thinks about physical discipline. You also get to hear what Dr. Elizabeth Gershoff discovered in her meta-analysis of corporal punishment research. When talking about B.F. Skinner and the science of negative reinforcement, for the first time in history, John says something that’s technically incorrect. If you’re the first person to correctly identify what John says that’s wrong, you will receive a copy of his book, “How to Listen so Parents will Talk and Talk so Parents will Listen.” You can enter by posting your idea on the Practically Perfect Parenting Podcast Facebook page or on John’s blog, at johnsommersflanagan.com.
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It would be nice to know everything. And if you have children, it would be nice to know about all the wild parenting adventures awaiting you. But you don’t know. You don’t know because there’s no special instruction manual that comes along with the birth of your first child. In this Practically Perfect Parenting episode, we talk about all things parenting education, because parenting education is the best substitute for the absence of an instruction manual; it might even be better, because parenting education is experiential, responsive to your needs, and way more supportive than a book. Why should you listen to this episode? Well, one good reason is that John tells the famous bathtub story, and although Sara doesn’t manage to hum the “Jaws” music, unless you’ve watched Caddyshack, you probably won’t guess how the story ends.
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This OPENING episode of Season 2 of the Practically Perfect Parenting Podcast is positively packed with information and tantalizing tips. TECHNOLOGY and SCREEN TIME is a huge issue for many parents. In this captivating episode, Dr. Sara and Dr. John are talking back to technology; they’re saying, “Hey technology, we’re taking you down! Well, not really. But the episode does include a range of AMAZING insights and tips to help parents understand and deal with the dangers and opportunities of technology and screen time. When you tune in, be sure to listen for:
Dr. Sara’s obsession with using contracts to manage her children’s screen-time. A clip from Dr. Dimitri Christakis’s TEDx Ranier talk where he provides a fun critique, partially narrated by Dr. Sara, on Baby Einstein (to watch Dr. Christakis’s full talk, go to: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BoT7qH_uVNo How much a baby’s brain grows from birth to age 2 (can you guess?) Dr. John’s four tips for raising children with healthy brains Dr. Christakis’s three stage theory about how constantly changing screens contribute to children having attention problems. Dr. Sara’s and Dr. John’s thoughts on the appropriate use of technology and screens for families.Don’t wait. Use your favorite personal device to listen to your favorite podcasters launch themselves into SEASON 2!
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Why Youth Sports Makes Parents Crazy
In this—the final episode of Season One—Dr. Sara and Dr. John talk about how youth sports can be the royal road to emotional problems for parents. Highlights include: (a) a discussion of how easy and natural it is for parents to get overemotional about their child’s athletic performance; (b) ideas for emotional preparation; (c) the sorts of bad advice parents can yell from the sideline (but shouldn’t!); and (d) insights from Coach Collin Fehr, who, with his newly minted doctorate, shares the “best thing” for parents to remember. Other highlights (in this episode the highlights just keep on coming): Dr. Sara asks: “Are we a couple of liberal pansies?” and John shares his all-time favorite sports dream. Being the good sport that she is, the show ends with Dr. Sara claiming victory and referring to herself as the “winner” and to John as “the loser.” To learn more about John’s response to this trash talk, you’ll have to tune back in for Season Two, which starts in September, 2017.
This podcast is brought to you by the Charles Engelhard Foundation, and the National Parenting Education Network.
Resources in this Episode:
EducatedSportsParent.com
Matheny Manifesto
By: Mike Matheny
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Youth Sports: Benefits, Opportunities, & Advice for Parents
In this action-packed episode, Dr. Sara gathers important insights about youth sports from a parent and two young athletes. Then, she treats Dr. John with contempt (not really) because he doesn’t understand the term “Capitalization” (that’s true), and later she has to put John in time-out because he gets all agitated and uses the words “pissed off” while just talking about soccer referees. More importantly, Sara and John share a variety of concrete tips for parents. . . and, if you listen to this episode, you’ll be able to answer the question: What do researchers say is the source of THE WORST memories for young athletes? Ready, set, LISTEN!
This podcast is brought to you by the Charles Engelhard Foundation, and the National Parenting Education Network.
Resources in this Podcast:
Home Team Advantage: The Critical Role of Mothers in Youth Sports
By: Brooke de Lench
Changing the Game: The Parents Guide to Raising Happy, High Performing Athletes, and Giving Youth Sports Back to our Kids
By: John O’Sullivan -
How Parents Can Help Children Deal with Grief
In our last podcast Dr. Sara and Dr. John, teamed up with Dr. Tina Barrett from Tamarack Grief Resource Center as we answered some questions about how to talk about death. This week, we go from talking to doing, as we invite Dr. Tina back, this time to discuss how parents can help children deal with grief. After Dr. Sara and Dr. John check in on each other’s grief memories, Dr. Tina shares more of her infinite wisdom on how we, as practically perfect parents, can help support our kids through grief. From emotional regulation to behavior, Dr. Tina describes what’s normal for grieving families, and how to cope with complex and difficult grief experiences.
This podcast is brought to you by the Charles Engelhard Foundation, and the National Parenting Education Network.
If you would like to be a sponsor please let us know!
Resources mentioned in this podcast:
Why Do People Die? Helping Your Child Understand-With Love and Illustrations
By: Cynthia MacGregor
The Dougy Center in Portland Oregon.
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Talking with Children about Life & Death
In keeping with our “Big Talks” theme, this episode focuses on how parents can face and manage conversations about death with their children. Beginning with memories from their childhoods and concluding with money tips and resources, Dr. Sara and Dr. John ramble from practical tips to philosophical truths. Best of all, sandwiched in the middle is an interview with Dr. Tina Barrett, executive director of the Tamarack Grief Resource Center in Missoula, MT. Dr. Tina opens with a quote from Mr. Rogers, encouraging parents to provide their children with honest and simple responses to questions about death. She describes how parents can face distress together with their children in ways that builds strengths. Dr. Tina also provides ideas for how parents can talk about grief in ways that combine spirituality with biological realities. If you’re not sure how to talk with children about death, a dose of Dr. Tina’s wisdom may be just what you need.
This podcast is brought to you by the Charles Engelhard Foundation, and the National Parenting Education Network.
Resources Mentioned in This Episode:
The Fall of Freddy the Leaf: A Story of Life for All Ages
By: Leo Buscaglia
Death is Stupid
by Anastasia Higginbotham
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Teens & Depression In this episode, Dr. Sara and Dr. John take on the serious topic of teenage depression. There are no laughs or giggles, but you’ll get to hear Sara ask John a rapid-fire series of many questions about teen depression, which is sort of funny. Her questions include: (a) how parents can distinguish between depression and normal sadness, (b) whether anti-depressant medications are effective, (c) what sorts of therapies might be helpful, and many more. John dazzles with trivia (what percent of children “recovered” from their depressive symptoms in the first-ever double-blind, placebo-controlled study of antidepressant medications?) and yes, once again, Sara will find a way to mention sex This podcast is brought to you by the Charles Engelhard Foundation and the National Parenting Education Network. Resources Mentioned in this Podcast: The Anti-Depressant Book: A Practical Guide for Teens and Young Adults to Overcome Depression and Stay Healthy
By: Jacob Towery MD
Beyond the Blues: A Workbook to Help Teens Overcome Depression
By: Lisa M. Schab LCSW -
When Teens Talk Back In this episode, Dr. Sara decides to consult with Dr. John about her hypothetical “friend’s” teenage and pre-teen boys, who coincidently, happen to be the same ages as Sara’s own children. Other than being a disastrously bad consultant, John ends up complaining about how disrespectful our culture is toward teens. This leads Sara and John to affirm that, instead of lowering the expectation bar for teens, we should re-focus on what’s great about teenage brains. Overall, this turns out to be a celebration of all the great things about teenagers . . . along with a set of guidelines to help parents be positive and firm. Specific techniques discussed include limit-setting, do-overs, methods for helping teenagers calm down, role modeling, and natural, but small consequences. This podcast is brought to you by the Charles Engelhard Foundation, and the National Parenting Education Network. Resources mentioned in the Podcast: Positive Discipline for Teenagers By Jane Nelsen & Lynn Lott
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