Episoder
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Tray Lovvorn discusses his complex journey. Tray's ministry, Undone, Redone, faced challenges when his second marriage to Melody ended in divorce after their reconciliation. Despite his efforts to reconcile and maintain transparency, his ex-wife accused him of infidelity and manipulation, leading to the collapse of their marriage and ministry. Tray underwent a polygraph and psychological evaluation, which cleared him of all wrongdoing. Nearly four years later, he now plans to remarry and continue his work in men's ministry, emphasizing the importance of doing personal work and maintaining integrity. In this conversation, Tray reflects on his journey of recovery, emphasizing the importance of masculine identity and community. He also addresses the broader societal issues of masculinity and femininity, advocating for equality and the importance of men finding their true identity. To learn more about the Sex, God, & Chaos team, click the link below:
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Ben, Roe, & Roane discuss the complexities of therapy, focusing on the importance of confronting and handling offensive feedback. They emphasize that growth requires resistance and that therapists should balance honesty with sensitivity. Men, in particular, struggle with receiving honest feedback, often shutting down or reacting defensively. The conversation highlights the need for therapists to create a safe space where clients can be challenged without feeling threatened. They also touch on cultural norms around discomfort and death, suggesting that embracing discomfort is essential for personal growth. They stress the value of community and time in processing and integrating difficult truths.To learn more about the Sex, God, & Chaos team, click the link below:
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In this episode, Ben, Roane, and Roe discuss the complexities of engaging in therapeutic work, particularly in the context of addiction and relationship issues. They highlight the challenges faced by individuals and couples seeking therapy, including unrealistic expectations and the misconception that therapy can quickly resolve deep-seated issues. They emphasize the importance of consistent effort, support groups, and attunement in the therapeutic process. The conversation also touches on the role of social media in shaping perceptions and the necessity of addressing underlying emotional and attachment issues rather than just surface problems.To learn more about the Sex, God, & Chaos team, click the link below:
www.sexgodchaos.com
Looking for help? Book an appointment with LifeWorks Counseling today:
www.lifeworks.ms
You can purchase your copy of Sex, God, & Chaos here:
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In this episode, we dive deep into the intricate relationship between fear and shame, exploring how these two emotions are intertwined and how they shape our lives. Roane, Eva, and Ben discuss how fear often lurks beneath shame, influencing everything from our actions to the masks we wear to gain acceptance. They share personal stories of wrestling with fear—from childhood anxieties to adulthood insecurities—revealing the powerful ways fear holds us back from being truly known. As we unpack the societal pressures to present perfection, especially in conservative environments, you'll discover how this pressure not only rewards surface-level success but also feeds feelings of unworthiness. Tune in as we explore the role of fear in our personal journeys, and learn why identifying and confronting it is key to living authentically. To learn more about the Sex, God, & Chaos team, click the link below:
www.sexgodchaos.com
Looking for help? Book an appointment with LifeWorks Counseling today:
www.lifeworks.ms
You can purchase your copy of Sex, God, & Chaos here:
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Action ItemsConsider individual and couple's work to address family of origin issues.Move towards acceptance of what has happened and build an intimate relationship based on full knowledge of one another.Continue having real, authentic conversations about ongoing struggles and needs for reassurance.OutlineAddiction, change, and relationships.Ben Derrick and Ron Hunter discuss the complexity of change in relationships, particularly in the context of addiction.Couples in crisis can thrive if they engage in their process and gain self-awareness.Avoidance is a common dynamic in couple dynamics, but awareness can lead to a new foundation for the relationship.Recovery process in marriage with a focus on communication and healing.Eva and Roane Hunter recognize how their upbringing and dynamics in their own family of origin contributed to their harmful patterns in their relationship.Eva and Roane Hunter discuss their experience as marriage counselors, highlighting the importance of communication and empathy in the healing process.The couple shares their personal story of navigating infidelity and rebuilding their relationship through their work as marriage counselors.How childhood experiences shape adult relationships and emotional responses.Roane and Eva share their personal stories of growing up with dysfunctional families and how it impacted their relationships.They discuss how their childhood experiences shaped their emotional responses and coping mechanisms in marriage.Eva and Roane discuss how anxiety is passed down through generations.Eva Hunter identifies and uncovers false belief system rooted in toxic shame.Eva and Roane discuss how individuals bring their own unresolved issues into a relationship, which can amplify conflicts and make healing more challenging.Ben clarifies that the therapists are not blaming the individual for their partner's betrayal, but rather helping them understand their own role in the dynamics of the relationship.How couples experience time differently during therapy sessions.Ben and Roane discuss the harmful nature of forgiveness sheets in therapy sessions.Ben Derrick explains that time is experienced differently by each partner in a relationship, with the husband feeling like time is moving quickly while the wife is unaware of new information and secrets.Roane Hunter shares that he had been dealing with similar issues on his own before the revelations were shared, and now feels a mix of relief and responsibility to support his partner.The impact of pornography on marriages, including feelings of guilt, shame, and resentment.Eva and Roane discuss their lack of knowledge about each other's sexual history before marriage.Eva and Ben discuss the impact of pornography on individuals and society.Roane Hunter and Ben Derrick discuss the challenges of helping couples navigate bitterness and resentment in their relationships.They emphasize the importance of understanding the unique dynamics of each couple and tailoring their approach accordingly.Intimacy, vulnerability, and reassurance in long-term recovery.Eva Hunter discusses partner acceptance in addiction recovery.Intimacy in long-term recovery: vulnerability and authenticity.Trust, vulnerability, and communication in relationships.Partners must lower questions and increase sharing to build intimacy.Roane Hunter and Ben Derrick discuss trust and fear in relationships, with a focus on vulnerability and connection.They explore how fear can lead to dysfunctional relationships and the importance of trust in building healthy connections.
To learn more about the Sex, God, & Chaos team, click the link below:
www.sexgodchaos.com
Looking for help? Book an appointment with LifeWorks Counseling today:
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Action ItemsUncover the false beliefs formed early in life through experiences and modeling.Replace the false beliefs with truth by sharing personal stories of struggle and overcoming.Seek out authentic community where you can be vulnerable and feel truly cared for to start changing at a deeper level.OutlineWhy changing habits is difficult, with emphasis on unlearning old beliefs and behaviors.Roane Hunter and Ben Derrick discuss why people find it difficult to change their behavior, citing New Year's resolutions as an example.They explore the reasons behind this difficulty, including the human tendency to revert to old behaviors despite good intentions.Roane Hunter and Ben Derrick discuss why change is difficult, citing ingrained behaviors and generational patterns.They challenge common reasons for failure, such as lack of discipline or church attendance, and offer a different interpretation of change's difficulty.Ben Derrick and Roane Hunter discuss the importance of unlearning false beliefs and being born again to experience true change.Jesus' message to Nicodemus highlights the need to unlearn what we know and start over with a childlike faith.The brain's role in avoidance and shame.Ben Derrick and Roane Hunter discuss the importance of identifying and challenging false beliefs and shame-based worldview.They suggest solutions such as counseling intervention, unlearning, and reframing beliefs to overcome shame and live a more authentic life.Ben and Roane discuss the cultural obsession with avoidance and the impact it has on individuals.Roane Hunter explains the brain's limbic system, including the hippocampus and amygdala, which are responsible for memory and emotion.The amygdala is fully developed in infants, with a larger size in men compared to women, and it goes offline during orgasm.Childhood trauma and its impact on beliefs and behaviors.Roane Hunter describes the impact of trauma on brain development, including the formation of belief systems and the lasting effects of early experiences.Traumatic experiences can reinforce existing belief systems, leading to a distorted sense of self and difficulty with moral reasoning.Roane Hunter and Ben Derrick discuss how childhood experiences shape beliefs and behaviors, with false beliefs stemming from disconnection and a need for approval.They explain how these beliefs are stored in the brain and difficult to change, even with higher thinking and reasoning.How to change through authentic community and honest feedback.Roane Hunter explains that the prefrontal cortex, the last part of the brain to develop, affects how we think and behave.Information alone is not enough to change our thinking and behavior, as it requires a shift in the way we view ourselves and the world around us.Roane Hunter emphasizes the importance of authentic community in personal growth, citing Jesus' physical presence as an example of effective feedback.Hunter believes that uncovering false belief systems in the hippocampus is crucial for change, and requires honest feedback from trusted individuals in an experiential environment.The importance of human connection in healing trauma and overcoming shame.Ben Derrick shares personal story of overcoming trauma through therapy, encouraging clients to do the same.Roane Hunter agrees, emphasizing importance of personal disclosure in counseling, while maintaining appropriate boundaries.Ben Derrick and Roane Hunter discuss the importance of human connection in recovery, emphasizing that it's not about "rocket surgery" or "prefrontal cortex" but rather about building meaningful relationships.Brene Brown's research on vulnerability highlights the difference between wholehearted people and those struggling with shame and fear, with the former possessing a strong sense of worthiness.Roane Hunter and Ben Derrick discuss the importance of sharing stories and expressing emotions in healing from trauma and addiction.They also explore the challenges of dealing with shame and betrayal in these situations, including the potential for anger and emotional crisis.
To learn more about the Sex, God, & Chaos team, click the link below:
www.sexgodchaos.com
Looking for help? Book an appointment with LifeWorks Counseling today:
www.lifeworks.ms
You can purchase your copy of Sex, God, & Chaos here:
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Action ItemsDo self-reflection on how your own desires were/are met, and how this relates to your personal stories.Consider opening up to safe people about what you are discovering and figuring out regarding your own story and the seven desires.OutlineDesires and their impact on relationships.Hosts express gratitude for podcast's reach and impact, while acknowledging the need for continued support and sharing.Ben Derrick and Roane Hunter discuss the importance of communication in sexual relationships.They describe how many couples operate in a "sexual dance" of non-communication, which can lead to unhealthy patterns.Hosts discuss seven desires of the human heart in navigating difficult circumstances.Roane Hunter explains that desire is not just a physical need but a deeper longing for true intimacy and connection.The Hebrew word "yetzer hara" refers to the dark desires within us, including murder, greed, and lust, which are part of human nature even after salvation.Confronting dark desires in Christian life.Ben Derrick and Roane Hunter discuss the limitations of traditional religious teachings on sexuality and relationships.Derrick argues that the Western Church is not open or safe for discussions on these topics, while Hunter believes that people are desperate for this information.Ben Derrick and Roane Hunter discuss the struggle with dark desires and the importance of acknowledging and addressing them in one's spiritual journey.The speakers emphasize the reality of these desires in people's lives and the need to understand and deal with them in a biblical and experiential way.Desires and their impact on relationships.Roane Hunter discusses the "seven desires" concept, citing James 4:1-2.Roane Hunter discusses the importance of being heard, understood, and blessed, as well as being safe, touched, included, and chosen in relationships.Hunter emphasizes the need for emotional safety and human touch in relationships, and how a lack of these can lead to long-term problems.Unmet desires driving harmful behaviors in men.Ben Derrick discusses his desire for affirmation and understanding in his relationships, and how he has taken control of his own desires when they are not being met.Derrick shares his experiences with sexuality and obsession with being chosen and touched, and how this has impacted his relationships.Ben Derrick and Roane Hunter discuss the impact of unmet desires on sexual behavior and the importance of addressing these needs in a healthy and constructive way.Roane Hunter discusses the appeal of masturbation and pornography, citing ease of access and satisfaction of desires as main reasons.Hunter argues that the brain is conditioned to respond positively to these stimuli, making it difficult for men to stop despite negative consequences.The impact of pornography and masturbation on individuals and relationships.Men struggle to regulate emotions through pornography use, leading to unmet desires and emotional work.Roane Hunter discusses the challenges of overcoming pornography addiction, particularly in men.Hunter notes that exposure to pornography is common among children, with the average age of exposure to hardcore porn being around 10-13 years old.Empowering individuals to express their desires in relationships.Ben Derrick and Roane Hunter discuss the harm caused by shaming children and using religion to hide their sexual curiosity.They argue that this approach leads to secrecy and silence, causing more harm in the long run.Ben Derrick and Roane Hunter discuss the "Desires of the Heart" list, a tool for couples to identify and communicate their deepest needs and desires in their relationship.The list includes 7 categories, and the couple works together to rate how well their partner is meeting their needs in each category.Emotional intelligence and expression in men.Roane Hunter and Ben Derrick discuss the importance of communication in relationships, particularly in understanding each other's needs and desires.They explore how childhood experiences can shape one's understanding of relationships and how to meet needs in a healthy way.Roane Hunter describes himself as a high feeling man, raised by an Enneagram One mother and Five father, and struggles with emotional intensity and overactive conscience.Hunter believes that parents of high feeling emotional men often struggle to meet their emotional needs, leading to a "big mess" in relationships until the man can slow down and be understood.Roane Hunter shares personal experiences as a high feeling man, recognizing that many men struggle with emotional expression and stoicism.Ben Derrick agrees and adds that depression can be seen as anger turned inward, while anger turned outward can be a sign of depression.Emotional needs and how to meet them in a healthy way.Ben Derrick and Roane Hunter discuss the importance of men's groups for emotional support and meeting desires.Men can find emotional fulfillment in healthy men's groups, rather than relying solely on their spouses.Roane Hunter and Ben Derrick discuss the importance of self-awareness in relationships and spiritual growth.They emphasize the need for men to open up and uncover their true selves, especially in same-gender relationships.
To learn more about the Sex, God, & Chaos team, click the link below:
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Looking for help? Book an appointment with LifeWorks Counseling today:
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You can purchase your copy of Sex, God, & Chaos here:
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Roane and Ben discuss the importance of open communication and self-control in marriage, as well as the need to address distorted thinking patterns in men's groups. They emphasize the value of constructive feedback, shared wisdom, and safe spaces for men to share their experiences without fear of judgment. By fostering these environments, men can gain insight into their thought patterns and behaviors, leading to personal growth and more authentic relationships.To learn more about the Sex, God, & Chaos team, click the link below:
www.sexgodchaos.com
Looking for help? Book an appointment with LifeWorks Counseling today:
www.lifeworks.ms
You can purchase your copy of Sex, God, & Chaos here:
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In this episode, we delve into the heart of relationship dynamics with an eye-opening discussion on revitalizing intimacy. Roane and Ben unpack the common pitfalls couples face when seeking solutions to issues like a sexless marriage or problematic sexual dynamics.
They challenge the notion of quick fixes, urging listeners to embrace deeper exploration and communication.
Join them as they highlight the power of shared learning, advocating for couples to engage in meaningful dialogue and reflection. Through this simple yet profound practice, they emphasize the potential for genuine connection and growth.
Tune in to discover how a shift in perspective and a commitment to intentional dialogue can breathe new life into the relationship. Experiencing mutual sex means building intimacy beyond surface-level solutions.To learn more about the Sex, God, & Chaos team, click the link below:
www.sexgodchaos.com
Looking for help? Book an appointment with LifeWorks Counseling today:
www.lifeworks.ms
You can purchase your copy of Sex, God, & Chaos here:
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In this episode, join Ben and Eva as they delve into the realm of personal growth and development. From the candid conversations about the journey of growth to the beauty of embracing the process, they explore the power of introspection and self-discovery. Eva reflects on the significance of being intentional in her work, and how it has shaped her journey so far. Delving into recent insights, Eva and Ben discuss phrases that have recently become instrumental in Eva's, offering listeners a glimpse into ongoing transformation. Join us as we celebrate the continuous journey of growth, reminding ourselves that there's beauty in the process and that we're never truly done evolving. Tune in for an insightful and uplifting conversation that may just spark a newfound perspective on your own journey.To learn more about the Sex, God, & Chaos team, click the link below:
www.sexgodchaos.com
Looking for help? Book an appointment with LifeWorks Counseling today:
www.lifeworks.ms
You can purchase your copy of Sex, God, & Chaos here:
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In this episode, we delve into the transformative impact of group dynamics on the journey towards healing and wholeness. Roane and Eva share profound insights from their experience leading men's, women's, and couples' intensives, highlighting the lasting connections forged in these supportive environments.
Join us as we explore the power of shared experiences and the reassurance of realizing you're not alone in your struggles. Through candid conversations and personal anecdotes, Roane and Eva uncover the commonality of human experiences and the importance of community in navigating crisis-level challenges.
From overcoming feelings of isolation to embracing the healing potential of group intensives, this episode offers valuable perspectives on the effectiveness of collective support in fostering growth and resilience. Whether you're grappling with sexual brokenness or other forms of personal crisis, this episode provides valuable insights into the transformative power of group dynamics in the journey towards healing and restoration. To learn more about the Sex, God, & Chaos team, click the link below:
www.sexgodchaos.com
Looking for help? Book an appointment with LifeWorks Counseling today:
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You can purchase your copy of Sex, God, & Chaos here:
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This episode we delve into the concept of the "Window of Tolerance" and its profound implications for emotional regulation and well-being. In this insightful discussion, Eva and Ben explore how our nervous system responds to stress and adversity, and how the window of tolerance serves as a framework for understanding our capacity to cope with life's challenges.
Eva provides invaluable insights into what's behind the window of tolerance, shedding light on how trauma, stress, and past experiences shape our ability to regulate emotions and navigate difficult situations. From practical strategies for expanding our window of tolerance to the importance of self-awareness and self-compassion, this episode offers a holistic approach to fostering resilience and healing.
Listen in as we uncover the keys to cultivating a wider window of tolerance, enhancing emotional resilience, and reclaiming agency over our lives. Whether you're navigating personal challenges or seeking to support others on their journey, this episode is a must-listen for anyone interested in deepening their understanding of mental health and well-being.Join us for an enlightening episode as we delve into the concept of the "Window of Tolerance" and its profound implications for emotional regulation and well-being. In this insightful discussion, we explore how our nervous system responds to stress and adversity, and how the window of tolerance serves as a framework for understanding our capacity to cope with life's challenges.
To learn more about the Sex, God, & Chaos team, click the link below:
www.sexgodchaos.com
Looking for help? Book an appointment with LifeWorks Counseling today:
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You can purchase your copy of Sex, God, & Chaos here:
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In this episode, we take a deep dive into the journey of finding true connection amidst the complexities of faith, brokenness, and community. Join us as we explore the candid experiences and transformative insights of navigating the delicate balance between religious communities and authentic gatherings centered around brokenness.
Roane and Ben share their reflections on the challenges they've faced and the growth they've experienced in their search for genuine connection. Roane's journey from the unfortunate limitations of religious accountability groups to the freedom of the authentic recovery communities underscores the importance of vulnerability, curiosity, and mutual support in fostering healing and growth.
As they unpack the misconceptions surrounding religious communities and the pitfalls of false connection, Roane and Ben shed light on the critical elements of safe spaces and trustworthy individuals. Through this candid conversation, listeners are empowered to discern the signs of genuine community and take steps towards meaningful relationships built on empathy, authenticity, and acceptance.
Tune in as we embark on a thought-provoking exploration of what it truly means to find belonging and connection in a world longing for authenticity. Discover the power of vulnerability, the beauty of shared brokenness, and the transformative potential of authentic community. To learn more about the Sex, God, & Chaos team, click the link below:
www.sexgodchaos.com
Looking for help? Book an appointment with LifeWorks Counseling today:
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You can purchase your copy of Sex, God, & Chaos here:
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In this episode, we delve into the complexities of resentment and bitterness within intimate relationships. Drawing from personal experience and expertise in navigating sexual brokenness, Roane sheds light on the intricate web of emotions that often remain unspoken but deeply felt.
From harboring resentment towards a partner, rooted in misconceptions and personal insecurities, to grappling with bitterness stemming from childhood traumas, each story unveils layers of unresolved emotions.
Join us as we explore the ripple effects of past experiences on present-day dynamics, the subconscious projections that color our perceptions, and the profound impact of betrayal trauma on individuals' emotional landscapes. Through honest dialogue and introspection, discover the nuanced journey towards healing and reconciliation in the face of complex relational challenges.
Tune in as we navigate the intricacies of resentment and bitterness, offering insights and perspectives that ilight the path towards understanding, empathy, and ultimately, forgiveness.To learn more about the Sex, God, & Chaos team, click the link below:
www.sexgodchaos.com
Looking for help? Book an appointment with LifeWorks Counseling today:
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You can purchase your copy of Sex, God, & Chaos here:
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In this episode, we delve into a powerful story of overcoming adversity and finding hope in unexpected places. Tullian shares a deeply personal journey following a very public fall. After hitting rock bottom, he found himself on stage at a conference, surrounded by familiar faces and engaging in discussions about weighty theological topics.
Despite appearances, he was struggling internally. Grappling with the aftermath of a painful divorce, shattered relationships, and a damaged reputation, he was not in a good place. Feeling overwhelmed by guilt, shame, and a profound sense of loss, he reached a breaking point, longing for someone to offer a glimmer of hope.
It was during this tumultuous time that he found solace and connection within the recovery community. Despite not having struggled with substance abuse personally, he discovered a kinship with others who were on their own paths to healing. Recognizing that everyone faces battles and burdens, he embraced a new sense of belonging and purpose.
Throughout the conversation, Tullian emphasizes the importance of understanding that recovery is not limited to one type of addiction. We all grapple with hardships, insecurities, and unhealthy coping mechanisms. By acknowledging our shared humanity and embracing vulnerability, we can find strength in community and move towards a more healthy future.
Join us as we explore themes of resilience, redemption, and the transformative power of community in the face of adversity. This episode offers valuable insights and encouragement for anyone navigating their own journey of awareness and healing.To learn more about the Sex, God, & Chaos team, click the link below:
www.sexgodchaos.com
Looking for help? Book an appointment with LifeWorks Counseling today:
www.lifeworks.ms
You can purchase your copy of Sex, God, & Chaos here:
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In this episode, Roane and Ben engage in a candid discussion about the roots of codependency and how it often traces back to our family of origin. The conversation explores the idea that the conditions for codependency are often set during our upbringing, with baggage packed into the metaphorical luggage of our relationships. Roane emphasize that everyone carries these hidden aspects, waiting to surface in their relationships. They delve into the role of family dynamics and the impact of childhood experiences in shaping codependent behaviors. The episode also touches on the influence of cultural and religious teachings, highlighting the challenges imposed by notions like "deny yourself, take up your cross, and follow Jesus." Listeners are invited to reflect on their own experiences and consider how the origins of codependency may be intertwined with what was modeled and taught during their formative years. Ultimately, the episode aims to shed light on the complexities of codependency, fostering understanding and self-awareness for healthier relationship dynamics.To learn more about the Sex, God, & Chaos team, click the link below:
www.sexgodchaos.com
Looking for help? Book an appointment with LifeWorks Counseling today:
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You can purchase your copy of Sex, God, & Chaos here:
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In this thought-provoking episode, Roane and Ben delve deep into the intricacies of human desires and the often-misunderstood nature of connection. The conversation begins with thoughts on our desires, challenging the conventional view that often associates them solely with physical needs. They suggest that beneath the surface of our perceived need for sex lies a profound longing for connection, tracing its roots back to our creation.To learn more about the Sex, God, & Chaos team, click the link below:
www.sexgodchaos.com
Looking for help? Book an appointment with LifeWorks Counseling today:
www.lifeworks.ms
You can purchase your copy of Sex, God, & Chaos here:
www.amazon.com -
To learn more about the Sex, God, & Chaos team, click the link below:
www.sexgodchaos.com
Looking for help? Book an appointment with LifeWorks Counseling today:
www.lifeworks.ms
You can purchase your copy of Sex, God, & Chaos here:
www.amazon.com
To learn more about the Sex, God, & Chaos team, click the link below:
www.sexgodchaos.com
Looking for help? Book an appointment with LifeWorks Counseling today:
www.lifeworks.ms
You can purchase your copy of Sex, God, & Chaos here:
www.amazon.com
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To learn more about the Sex, God, & Chaos team, click the link below:
www.sexgodchaos.com
Looking for help? Book an appointment with LifeWorks Counseling today:
www.lifeworks.ms
You can purchase your copy of Sex, God, & Chaos here:
www.amazon.com
To learn more about the Sex, God, & Chaos team, click the link below:
www.sexgodchaos.com
Looking for help? Book an appointment with LifeWorks Counseling today:
www.lifeworks.ms
You can purchase your copy of Sex, God, & Chaos here:
www.amazon.com
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To learn more about the Sex, God, & Chaos team, click the link below:
www.sexgodchaos.com
Looking for help? Book an appointment with LifeWorks Counseling today:
www.lifeworks.ms
You can purchase your copy of Sex, God, & Chaos here:
www.amazon.com
To learn more about the Sex, God, & Chaos team, click the link below:
www.sexgodchaos.com
Looking for help? Book an appointment with LifeWorks Counseling today:
www.lifeworks.ms
You can purchase your copy of Sex, God, & Chaos here:
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