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Friendships, and fitting, in are everything to teenagers. You could argue that understanding the dynamics, and supporting our kids through the turmoil of the teen years, is one of the best things we parents can do.
Former Headteacher of 18 years, Andrew Hampton FRSA, is no stranger to the issue. He's not only raised two girls he's also had to deal with the fall-out in school when friendships go wrong.
Having set up the organisation, Girls On Board, which aims to educate teachers about the issues girls face, he - like me - is keenly aware that you can't tackle girl issues without also paying attention to what's happening with boys.
He has now turned his attention to Working With Boys and tackling the issue of rape culture in schools; what stage it sets in, why it develops and how we parents can provide a decent working model for our kids to follow.
Andrew Hampton FRSA
[email protected]
https://www.girlsonboard.co.uk
https://andrewhampton.net
BOOKS:
When Girls Fall Out
Working With BoysSupport the show
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I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
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If we genuinely think about how many of us are emotionally mature before we become parents the number is probably pretty low. The act of caring for someone else, and having to manage our own feelings, can be incredibly challenging, particularly when we were raised by parents who were immature themselves.
Being able to spot the difference between being emotionally immature, and the normal pressures of parenting, can be really helpful. We all have outbursts at times; we're human. The most important test is how we deal with getting it wrong by apologising and taking accountability. The mutual empathy this creates is at the root of building strong relationships.
Definition of emotional maturity on Healthline:An emotionally mature person manages their emotions well even in difficult situations, takes accountability, is okay with being vulnerable, and shows empathy to others.
THE BOOK REFERENCED THROUGHOUT:
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, or Self-Involved Parents by Lindsay GibsonTYPES:
1: The emotional parent. Ruled by their feelings, often swinging wildly between being over-involved and completely withdrawing from their children's lives.
2: The Driven parent. This personality type is obsessively goal-oriented and perpetually busy. They are on a constant quest for perfection, which includes even their children.
3: The Passive parent. Theyโre more laissez-faire and often willingly take a back seat to a more dominant partner. This can sometimes lead to physical and emotional abuse both for them and their children.
4: The Rejecting parent. They donโt enjoy any level of emotional intimacy. Their interactions with other family members usually consist of getting angry, commanding others, or completely isolating themselves.
THE TECHNIQUE1: Become curious and observe rather than react. Our episode on this: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/over-reactions-how-to-not-overreact/
2: Think like a scientist. Mentally take note of how your parent or the adult is responding to you. Are they actually listening to you or are they just trying to appease you? Do you recognize any of the emotionally immature behaviors we talked about earlier?
Once youโve done this you can begin to employ what Gibson calls the three-step Maturity Awareness Approach. The first step is to express yourself and let go.
1: Express yourself and let go. Tell your parent or the person what you want to say, but don't worry about controlling the outcome. It doesn't matter how they react to you.
2: Set a goal of what you want to achieve from the conversation. For example, you might say, I want to tell my mother how I
Support the show
Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
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What we see on TikTok often starts on message boards in fringe groups then spills over into the mainstream. This is true of the Looksmaxxing social media trend that's been gaining more and more currency among teen boys.
The goal of looksmaxxing is to meet a set of criteria for physical attractiveness, with a focus on the eyes, jawline, and physique and the ultimate currency is SMV, or Sexual Market Value.
There are some really positive elements to the trend, but its originated in incel groups so there can be a dark underbelly that it's worth us parents knowing about, as Mike Nicholson https://www.progressivemasculinity.co.uk/is well aware.
SOME KEY INFLUENCERS:
Kareem Shami - syrianpsycho
Dillon Latham
NETFLIX DOCUMENTARY:
Open Wide
PODCAST:
LOOKSMAXXING for the modern male (attitude, skin & hair routine, clothes, mewing, jawsize)
APPS MENTIONED:
UMAX
LOOSKMAX AI
MEWING:The Mews are a father and son team of orthodontists from the UK who began to market their techniques on YouTube.
The basic principles of mewing include:
Tongue Position: Keeping the tongue flat against the roof of the mouth, rather than letting it rest on the bottom of the mouth.Posture: Maintaining good overall posture, which is thought to support proper oral and facial alignment.Breathing: Encouraging nasal breathing rather than mouth breathing, which can affect facial structure over time.When to seek help: from medical news today
spending prolonged periods of time or repeatedly checking appearance in the mirrorfeelings of dissatisfaction or distress toward aspects of appearance that may interfere with everyday lifespending prolonged periods of time worrying about or thinking negative thoughts about appearancepersistent feelings of hopelessness, guilt, worthlessness, anxiety, sadness, or shamebecoming irritable more easilyfeeling tired or low in energydifficulty getting to sleep, staying asleep, or sleeping too muchfeeling restless and having difficulty concentratinghaving thoughts about death or suicide
Your son is...
https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2024/feb/15/from-bone-smashing-to-chin-extensions-how-looksmaxxing-is-reshaping-young-mens-faces
https://fortune.com/2024/07/01/looksmaxxing-apps-rate-teen-boys-faces-mental-health/
https:Support the show
Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
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Boundaries exist, regardless of whether we're conscious of them or not. The first place we experience them is in our own home, and the way they are created, managed and enforced can set us up for a lifetime of healthy relationships, or difficulty coping with other humans.
https://www.newportacademy.com/resources/mental-health/teens-health-boundaries/#:~:text=Healthy%20boundaries%20support%20adolescents'%20ability,and%20sometimes%20verbally%20as%20well.https://psychcentral.com/lib/10-way-to-build-and-preserve-better-boundaries#10-tipshttps://www.verywellhealth.com/setting-boundaries-5208802
In this episode Susie and I discuss what a boundary is, how we uncover our own boundaries and create and uphold healthy ones within our own families.
It's a fascinating area for us parents who were raised in an era where the term barely existed, and the mental health issues that come with poor boundaries went unacknowledged.
We'd love to hear your feedback, ideas and questions. Email [email protected] or send a text using the button at the top of the podcast notes.
SOURCES:Boundary Exercises from verywellhealth
When you set boundaries, you're communicating to others how you want and expect to be treated. Here are a few exercises that can help when you feel tongue-tied:
Use "I" statements:
I feel ______ when _____ is said to me.When this happens______, I feel_____.When you feel disrespected:
I don't like the way I'm being spoken to right now.I would like to talk about this but now is not the right time.I would prefer to discuss this when we can be calmer about it.Buy yourself some time:
I'm not sure right now. Can I come to you once I've thought about it?I need more time to think, but I will get back to you.When you want to say "no" with a little more explanation:
I would love to, but my plate is really full right now.I would if I could, but I'm unable to help with that right now.I really appreciate the invitation, but I'm not interested in participating.Seeking consent with sexual boundaries:
Are you okay with this?Do you want to continue?Are you comfortable if I____?Support the show
Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
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When kids hit puberty they become driven by a core motivation that many of us adults don't fully appreciate. It's not simply fun, or sex; they're looking for experiences that give them social status and respect.
According to David Yeager, author of 10-25: The Science of How to Motivate Young People, a societal belief that teens and young adults are lazy and incompetent causes us to misunderstand the power of this motivator. When parents, teachers and employers get it wrong they try to use either an enforcer mindset - yelling telling, blaming and shaming - or a protector mindset such as bribes and lowered expectations rather than mentoring.
In his book, Yeager, whom Clarivate Web of Science ranks as one of the top 0.1% most-influential psychologists in the world over the past decade, tells stories and gives concrete explanations for why the the science of motivating young people shows we can harness their drive for social status and a growth mindset, to motivate any young person to achieve their best.
BOOK:
10-25: The Science of Motivating Young People
DAVID YEAGER: Author/Professor/Scientist
[email protected]Support the show
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I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
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Over the last decade, parents have been consistently more likely to report experiencing high levels of stress compared to other adults, according to a report issued by the US Surgeon General, Dr Vivek Murthy.
Be a "single tasker" and focus on one task at a time to reduce stress and improve focus.Identify when you are hearing judgment or fear, and examine whether it is an internal or external stressor.Ration your exposure to negative thoughts and negative media to avoid activating stress circuits.Lean on your support network and share your feelings with others to avoid feeling isolated.Recognize the signs of stress in yourself and have a list of de-stressing activities.Plan and organize tasks in advance to reduce stress and increase efficiency.Practice cognitive empathy by understanding others' perspectives without getting emotionally involved.Cultivate meaningful happiness by reconnecting with experiences, people and goals that matter to you.Trust that stressful situations will pass and focus on your capacity to manage them.Act as an ambassador for stress management by sharing resources and pushing back against unnecessary stress.
According to the advisory, 'When stress is severe or prolonged, it can have a harmful effect on the mental health of parents and caregivers, which in turn also affects the well- being of the children they raise. Children of parents with mental health conditions may face heightened risks for symptoms of depression and anxiety and for earlier onset, recurrence, and prolonged functional impairment from mental health conditions.'
It goes on to say โDemands from both work and child caregiving have come at the cost of quality time with oneโs partner, sleep and parental leisure time.โ
We've talk about ways of reducing stress in the past, but it can't be talked about enough. In this episode we unpack what is said in the Advisory, and give you some helpful tips on how to reduce the pressure felt by us all.
Here is a 10-point list of top tips from this episode:MY BLOG POST ON THIS EPISODE:
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/blog/our-culture-of-comparison-is-a-key-factor-in-the-damaging-levels-of-stress-experienced-by-parents/PREVIOUS EPISODE WITH MORE TIPS:
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/stress-dealing-with-the-pressures-of-parenting-and-techniques-that-help-reduce-the-stress/
THE SOURCE:
https://www.hhs.gov/about/news/2024/08/28/us-surgeon-general-issues-advisory-mental-health-well-being-parents.html
STUDY ON MATERNAL EMPATHY: AFFECTIVE V'S COGNITIVE
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC4053926/
AN EXCELLENT ARTICLE LISTING IDEAS OFFERD IN THIS EPISODE:
https://parenSupport the show
Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
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How to parent kids who struggle with ADHD, anxiety and life
Nobody wants their child to struggle, but it's inevitable at some point. Many of the problems our kids face will be part of a well-worn path through the teenage years.
But some kids have more complex needs. Parenting them can be far more challenging, and require a far great draw on our own resources, which is why I've been looking out for advice that will help those of us who find ourselves in that situation.
Having read the Essential Guide, by Elaine Taylor-Klaus, I knew she would be perfect for the podcast. The book is packed full of tips and support, and her thinking is completely in line with all of the advice I've uncovered over the years of making this podcast.
Let me know what you think and if you enjoy the episode please give it five stars or a review if you have the time.
BOOK:
The Essential Guide to Raising Complex Kids with ADHD, Anxiety and more: What Parents and Teachers Really Need to Know to Empower Complicated Kids with Confidence and Calm.
CONTACT:
https://impactparents.com/Support the show
Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
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A recent Tweet focused my mind on something I've only really glimpsed with a side-eye. We hear so much about the challenges of the early teen years that it's easy to forget young adults have their own issues.
As the Tweeter said, when our kids are 18-22 they're dealing with adult emotions, disappointing experiences and us parents have zero control; making it terrible to witness. The response to the remark was a variety of parents agreeing entirely, or begging for better news because they needed to know that things get better.
My two bonus daughters have been through this stage and I have a teen who's literally on the brink, so I thought it would a great topic to discuss with her.
In our chat we talked about the precipice of leaving school, the way that our teen's cohort then moves on to vastly different things, and the need for our teens to create their own community for the first time in their lives.
For us parents, there's the need to realise how little control we have over our teens, that we too are in a new stage of life, and a time when we begin to see the groundwork we have laid in terms of resilience and self-determination, begin to pay back.
We'd love to know what you think about this discussion.
BOOKS:
A Little Life by Hanya Yanagihara
The Mad Woman's Ball Victoria Mas
ARTICLE:
https://www.thetimes.com/magazines/the-times-magazine/article/caitlin-moran-british-teenage-girls-unhappy-qgc3d5wgfSupport the show
Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
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When an anonymous listener posted this question we thought it would be a great topic to discuss; one that many of our listeners could be wondering about.
The listener said, Hello, I absolutely love your podcast. And hereโs the question. Do you think all teens should go to therapy, just so they have a space to talk that isnโt a parent, family member or friend. Iโve been pondering this lately and trying to equip my kids with all the tools I feel they will need in life.Feeling very empowered listening to the podcast.
The other issue we discussed was an email in which a listener queried whether it's really that important for boys to have male teachers as role models; or even to have same sex role models at all.
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/conflict-resolution-skills-can-deepen-your-relationship-with-your-teen-heres-how/Richard Reeves Of Boys and MenBad Therapy, Why The Kids Aren't Growing UP.
REFERENCES:Support the show
Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
Send us a text
Grades are used in education the world over, but why? With the growing mental health crisis in teenagers I've been exploring how experts are asking whether perhaps it's time we looked again at the role grades play in helping or hindering the learning of our children.
In my interview with Josh Eyler, author of Failing Our Future: How Grades Harm Students, and What We Can Do about It we discuss the negative impact of grades on students. Eyler argues that the focus on grades, starting early, is akin to a Tetris-like pile-up, affecting students' motivation, performance, and psychology.
He criticizes grade portals for creating undue pressure and strategic learning and advocates for feedback over grades, emphasizing that grades are often used to justify judgments rather than to coach students.
He suggests alternative grading models that reduce pressure and honor individual learning rates and also highlights the importance of fostering curiosity and intrinsic motivation in students, noting that employers value skills like communication and critical thinking over GPA.For us parents, Josh emphasizes the importance of fostering curiosity and natural interest in learning. He argues for the importance of communicating our love and support for our children, regardless of their grades.
https://olemiss.edu/profiles/jreyler.phpSupport the show
Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
Send us a text
As your child turns from a tween to a teen it's obvious to everyone that their body and mind are undergoing massive changes. It's destablising for our kids and can be very uncomfortable for us parents watching as the changes take place.
Some of our discomfort can come from our own fears about how to guide them through the changes and what sort of person will come out the other side of the transformation.
Some of it will be down to our own memories of the problems we faced when we hit puberty and some of the biggest difficulties can stem from our own unresolved body issues and the different attitudes to body image when we were growing up.
It's a messy, imperfect, process so we thought it might help listeners to hear Phoebe and I talk about our own experience as a way to help you unpick the process for yourself.
BOOK MENTIONED:
Inventing Ourselves: The Secret Life of the Teenage Brain by Sarah-Jayne BlakemoreSupport the show
Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
Send us a text
Music festivals are a rite of passage for many teens. Whilst some love the music, the lack of restriction and opportunities to mingle in a way that they could have only dreamt of during Covid, others decide to give them a miss or go and positively hate the experience.
I was never a festival kid growing up. I didn't have the money, or the opportunity. As an adult, I've found them to be joyous events, but will always refuse to stay the night.
My girls have now both been to one of the key UK festivals, Reading, so I thought you might be interested to hear more about what to expect if your kids are keen to go, how best to plan ahead, and what the key issues turned out to be.Support the show
Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
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Send us a text
What is school for, and are exam grades a good measure of a human? Does someone's grades tell us what we should know, or are we being misled? Do grades help children grow and engage with learning, or do they simply destroy interest and entrench social divisions? These are the sort of questions that perplex many of us who are parenting teenagers.
Itโs coming to the end of summer in the UK which means thereโs been a wave of exam results and the beautifully timed release of a terrific book called Exam Nation; why our obsession with grades fails everyone.Written by Sammy Wright, Headteacher of a secondary school in the North of England and part of the UK governmentโs Social Mobility Commission for several years it was chosen by the BBC as book of the week, and applauded by reviewers across the serious newspapers in the UK, and I even found it laugh out loud funny at times.
In this interview we talk about what school is for, the difficult transition from junior to secondary education, the need for tests and the way in which we view grades. Sammy offers up thought about other ways of looking at schooling which he thinks has become too transactional and would serve us better if it were more focused on the whole person.
https://twitter.com/SamuelWright78
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Exam-Nation-Obsession-Grades-Everyone/dp/1847927521/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=Support the show
Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
Send us a text
Whether your teen is currently learning to drive, or those days are in the future, it helps to prepare ahead.
What are you responsible for in terms of cost?Enforcing zero tolerance for driving under the influence. Discuss situations.Use of a mobile phone. Switch off notifications.Remind them of the consequences if they break the law.Be a good role model.
Both Rachel and Susie have teens learning, so it's a great time for Rachel to go through all of the tips and data to help us all think ahead about what is involved and how to make their life behind the wheel as safe and smooth as possible.
The free RISK ANTICIPATION driving course:
https://www.teendrive365inschool.com/safe-driving-resources/teens
NEW DRIVER AGREEMENT CATEGORIES:RESOURCES USED:
https://www.wvpersonalinjury.com/teenage-driving-risks/
https://www.brake.org.uk/get-involved/take-action/mybrake/knowledge-centre/young-drivers
https://www.rac.co.uk/drive/news/driving-law/graduated-driving-licences-launched-to-tackle-overconfident-young-drivers/
https://www.gohenry.com/uk/blog/bread/why-gen-z-isnt-drivingSupport the show
Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
Send us a text
It doesn't matter how much we know, and how much we work at it, we'll all struggle to parent well at times; it's just part of being human.
Connection over correction.It's not personal, and it's not about you.Kick the bullies out of your head.It's not your job to tell your kids what to do, it's your job to help them find out who they are.Routine is going to save everyone from nagging hell.Assume your kids are trying their best and catch them being good.Have clear boundaries, consequences and expectations, but be prepared to negotiate.Community is way more important and helpful than we were told.Be honest about your own failings.Make time to enjoy the ride.
To mark the 100th episode of the podcast I decided to give you a top ten of the best lessons I've learned, and continue to mess up.
In case you can't be bothered to listen, you're bored by me waffling, or you just want the list, here goes:This list isn't definitive, it's just the stuff that's has felt most meaningful to me. Hopefully some of it will land with you, but if you have any other keys to heaven you can add then email [email protected] and help us all out; we need all the support we can get.
Support the show
Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
Send us a text
In the West, we tend to see success for late teens as passing exams, getting into further education or getting a job, and moving on with life. So when we received an email from a mother, concerned for the welfare of her two step-sons who've performed poorly in their final high school exams, and who don't seem to be interested in finding work, we thought it would be a really interesting topic to unpack.
Her step-sons aren't alone. There is growing concern about the relative underachivement of boys in education across the Western hemisphere, and the term 'failure to launch' was even referred to as a syndrome in a recent article in The British Journal of General Practice.
We discuss coping with our own expectations and feelings of fear about our children's suceess, managing a complicated situation as a step-parent, and the structural issues affecting boys in today's society.
BOOKS REFERENCED:
Boys Adrift, Leonard Sax explores the alarming trend of boys falling behind in education and life.Of Boys and Men: Richard Reeves. Why the modern male is struggling, why it matters, and what to do about it.
USEFUL EPISODES:
Masculinity: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/98-boys-emotions--vaccinations-and-online-influencers/
Step-parenting: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/29-step-children-coping-and-thriving-with-a-blended-family/
Setting high expectations: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/standards-setting-high-expectations-without-the-pressure/
Charging rent: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/charging-rent-should-you-charge-your-teens-and-young-adults-rent-and-if-you-do-whats-the-best-wa/
Failure to launch: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/failure-to-launch-what-we-can-learn-from-struggling-young-adults-about-how-to-help-our-teens/Support the show
Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
Send us a text
Extreme misogyny, and the resulting violence against women and girls, has recently been described in the UK as a national emergency.
According to the National Police Chiefs Council, online influencers like Andrew Tate are radicalising boys in and a way that is 'quite terrifying'.Deputy Chief Constable Maggie Blyth said officers who focused on violence against women and girls are now working with counter-terrorism teams to look at the risk of young men being radicalised.
But what should we parents be doing, and how can we best support our boys? I reached out to Dr. Brendan Kwiatkowski who's a researcher and educator specializing in the social-emotional development and wellbeing of boys and men.
We talked about the emotional lives of boys and men, online influencers, and the idea of innoculating our boys before they hit puberty so they are prepared for the issues that tend to crop up.
Dr. Brendan Kwiatkowski:
www.remasculine.com
Dr. Brendan Kwiatkowski is a researcher, educator, speaker, and consultant specializing in the social-emotional development and wellbeing of boys and menโand how that intersects with the wellbeing of others. His PhD research investigated teenage boysโ experiences and beliefs about being male and compared their experiences based on their levels of emotional expression. He is passionate about positive-focused and person-centred research that humanizes and empowers participants, as well in research that is transformative and practically useful for people in the real-world. He lives in Vancouver, BC, and is part of the faculty of education at a local university. Some of the things Brendan enjoys regularly is breath-work, cold plunges, and free-diving.Previous episodes:
MASCULINITY: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/masculinity-and-positive-ways-of-supporting-our-teenage-boys-an-interview-with-mike-nicholson-from/BIGOREXIA: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/feeding-your-teen-control-issues-and-bigorexia/BOY FRIENDSHIPS: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/boy-friendships-and-supporting-our-sons-in-forming-positive-friendships-also-what-the-we-sho-1/TALKING ABOUT PORN: https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/pornography-why-talking-to-your-teen-about-it-is-more-important-now-than-its-ever-been-and-great/Support the show
Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
Send us a text
We'd all love our kids to have self-belief, and the confidence to make friends easily. The problem is that it's not something we can simply give to them.
Seeing our teen struggle in social settings, or suffer with crippling shyness, can be really challenging for us; particularly if it's a feeling we experienced as a teen and seeing our kid go through it brings our own discomfort flooding back.
Today's episode is designed to help our listener whose daughter's shyness is sometimes misconstrued as rudeness. We discuss our own experience of shyness, how it can be misunsderstood by others, and ways in which we can help our teens develop more self-belief.
RESOURCES USED:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/basics/shyness#:~:text=Shyness%20emerges%20from%20a%20few,fear%20of%20judgment%20and%20rejection.
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/social-anxiety-disorder-more-than-just-shyness#:~:text=Social%20anxiety%20disorder%20usually%20starts,in%20adolescents%20and%20young%20adults.http://socialanxietyshortcuts.com/why-shyness-is-mistaken-for-arrogance-and-what-to-do-about-it/
Support the show
Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
Send us a text
When a lone mother came onto our Facebook group to look for support with her teenage son who's done very little with his summer holiday other than sleep in late I thought it was a great time to revisit this topic, and talk about the severe level of sleep deprivation our society deems acceptable, and how important sleep is for teens. They're not lazy; there are some important developmental things happening when they sleep.
https://www.teenagersuntangled.com/sleep-the-free-fix-for-our-teens-with-no-side-effects/
That said, there are also some concrete things we parents can do to help our teens make the most of their holidays which can be a huge boost to their self-knowledge and ability to regulate themselves.
Reminding ourselves that academics are just one of the important things our kids need for life helps us to steer our focus onto other gains they can make in the holidays.
MY PREVIOUS EPISODE WITH RESEARCH ON SLEEP:
KEY: Remove all tech from their rooms, at the very least it should be done well before they ought to go to sleep.Choose one life-skill a week and teach them how to do it 'perfectly' using praise and ecouragement as your weapons.Help them to talk about what really interests them. Be very careful not to judge whatever it is, but help them to create a routine that involves working towards their goal. Agree a regular check-in time to look again at how they're getting on, and whether it's realistic or needs adapting. This is an amazing life-skill which will protect them from 'failure to launch'.Book things that give the holidays structure.Make sure they have plenty of opportunity to spend time with their friends; social skills and socialising are vital for teens and my kids' screen time drops dramatically when she has social things to do.Get them used to playing games that don't involve online time. We've been loving Uno, Monopoly Deal, Kick the Can, and one unlikely hit has been Sussed which isn't a game, but a card system where each person has to ask the group questions about themselves and people in the group have to guess which they think is the right answer.
MY TIPS:BOOK REFERENCED:
Why Students Don't Like School by Daniel WillinghamSupport the show
Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk -
Send us a text
Living with a teenager can make us feel queezy at times because we keep losing our bearings. They're changing rapidly, and bringing new challenges into our home, while we're just trying to do our best. For many, the start of a romantic relationship can feel particularly difficult. You're not just negotiating new territory, but having to do it with another person in the equation.
One listener has contacted me to for support over her teen daughter snuggling with her new boyfriend on the sofa in front of other family members. Sometimes it's hard to figure out whether we're being unreasonable, and even what it is that we're objecting to.
In this episode I directly address her feelings, and how challenging this can be for us parents, before sharing an old episode in which we talked about 16 year olds having sex under our roof.Support the show
Thank you so much for your support. Please hit the follow button if you like the podcast, and share it with anyone who might benefit. You can review us on Apple podcasts by going to the show page, scrolling down to the bottom where you can click on a star then you can leave your message.
I don't have medical training so please seek the advice of a specialist if you're not coping.
My email is [email protected] The website has a blog, searchable episodes, and ways to contact us:
www.teenagersuntangled.com
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/teenagersuntangled/
Facebook: https://m.facebook.com/teenagersuntangled/
Susie is available for a free 15 minute consultation, and has a great blog:
www.amindful-life.co.uk - Vis mere
