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  • It’s hard to say which would be more discouraging: drifting from job to job because you’re always the first to be laid off, or laboring in monotonous obscurity at the same job. The first results from not doing what you are told to do, the second from doing only what you are told to do. You can “get by” for a time following either approach, but you will never get ahead. Personal initiative is more important in today’s enlightened, high-tech workplace than it was during the Industrial Age, when the ability to follow orders was a critical skill. As technology makes many supervisory functions obsolete, every one of us is expected to do more with less, determine what needs to be done, and do it. Don’t wait to be told. Know your company and your job so well that you can anticipate what needs to be done — then do it! Stop explaining and start doing! --Napoleon Hill

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    I know that quote is about our corporate journeys, but it is about so much more than that. We need to know our families so well that we can anticipate what needs to be done. We need to be conscientious of our offense as much as our defense. I mean, we need to work on our own "can do" plans that protect our families and intentionally shape us. We need to plant good seeds, but also weed our gardens. This episode is basically a summary of what I have been learning from my experience with this podcast. It is also a heads up that I will be concluding the season and will resume episodes again in the fall, with gusto! Remember: "Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts" (Winston Churchill). Her are a few resources I mention in this episode: “There appears to be ‘no other way’ to learn certain things except through the relevant, clinical experiences. Happily, the commandment ‘Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart’ (Matthew 11:29) carries an accompanying and compensating promise from Jesus—'and ye shall find rest unto your souls.’ This is a very special form of rest. It surely includes the rest resulting from the shedding of certain needless burdens: fatiguing insincerity, exhausting hypocrisy, and the strength-sapping quest for recognition, praise, and power. Those of us who fall short, in one way or another, often do so because we carry such unnecessary and heavy baggage. Being thus overloaded, we sometimes stumble and then feel sorry for ourselves
However, if sufficient meekness is in us, it will not only help us to jettison unneeded burdens, but will also keep us from becoming mired in the ooze of self-pity. Furthermore, true meekness has a metabolism that actually requires very little praise or recognition” (Neal A. Maxell) Episodes referenced: Waters + Bennet Bolaji Oyejide Kathy Mellor Wonder Crate - Developing Social/Emotional Skills Books referenced: How to Raise an Adult: Break Free of the Overparenting Trap and Prepare Your Kid for Success Outwitting the Devil: The Secret to Freedom and Success The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success: A Pocketbook Guide to Fulfilling Your Dreams For a full list go here: BOOKS amzn_assoc_ad_type = "banner"; amzn_assoc_marketplace = "amazon"; amzn_assoc_region = "US"; amzn_assoc_placement = "assoc_banner_placement_default"; amzn_assoc_campaigns = "audible"; amzn_assoc_banner_type = "category"; amzn_assoc_isresponsive = "true"; amzn_assoc_banner_id = "150QW4V7HCHE6FFE8X02"; amzn_assoc_tracking_id = "familyculture-20"; amzn_assoc_linkid = "aa2ce6140c249fa8e877487402a2ee4f"; //z-na.amazon-adsystem.com/widgets/q?ServiceVersion=20070822&Operation=GetScript&ID=OneJS&WS=1
  • Kristen A. Jensonis the author of the Good Pictures Bad Picturesseries of read-aloud books including the best-selling Good Pictures Bad Pictures: Porn-Proofing Today’s Young Kids and Good Pictures Bad Pictures Jr.: A Simple Plan to Protect Young Minds. She is the founder of ProtectYoungMinds.org, a website dedicated to helping parents empower their kids to resist and reject pornography. Kristen is a popular guest on radio and TV broadcasts as well as podcasts and webinars. She is a leader in the Safeguard Alliance of the National Coalition to End Sexual Exploitation and has testified before the Washington State Senate Law and Justice Committee on the public health crisis of pornography. Kristen continues to be a strong voice for protecting children from all forms of sexual exploitation. Kristen is the mother of two daughters, and a son who is waiting for her in heaven. Her latest honor is becoming a grandma! She lives with her husband and sassy chocolate Schnoodle puppy in the beautiful state of Washington. Kristen earned a B.A. in English Literature and an M.A. in Organizational Communication.

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    Find Kristen and Protect Young Minds Website: www.ProtectYoungMinds.org Twitter: @ProtectYM Facebook: ProtectYM Instagram: @ProtectYoungMinds From this episode This is a difficult topic to discuss, but I cannot emphasize enough how important it is to talk about. Kristen tells us that porn is predatory. Kids do not have to look for it, it is looking for them. It will find them. The discussion needs to be centered around what our kids can do when porn finds them. Kristen offers several resources on her site to help parents with this topic, with media literacy, and creating a plan to help our families navigate this over-sexualized culture. Help children understand three things: what pornography is teach our children that pornography is dangerous have a plan for what to do when they see pornography Learn why filters are good for our devices, but more than that, we need to help our children develop internal filters. We need to be the ones talking to our children about pornography and sex so that we become the authority. They don't want to be the ones who don't understand when their peers refer to these things, so they are going to seek out this information. Parents need to be the authority and give their children permission to talk to them about these things. Protect Young Minds has amazing resources to help parents learn how to become their child's mentor to talk through difficult topics, and talk out big emotions. Parents can become the safety for kids who need to understand, and navigate their development into adulthood. As Kristen says, put on our big girl/big boy pants and talk about this stuff. Robyn Fivush, "Do you know" study Bobo the Clown aggression experiment "Switch: How to change when change is hard" by Chip and Dan Heath "The Power of Habit: Why we do what we do in life and business" by Charles Duhigg Covenant Eyes, accountability software Circle with Disney - Parental Controls and Filters for your Family’s Connected Devices PROTECT YOUNG MINDS LINKS: 20 Questions to create your family stories Why we don't depend on digital filters alone Tech Etiquette for the Digital Family - Free Download Family media standards - Free Download Digital citizenship 8 Books to Help you talk about sex Emotional Care Tags Note: around timestamp 30:55 is a trigger story. I left it to illustrate why children need to know all human anatomy, not just their own, and they need to know proper names of the body parts. This story illustrates why this is so important.
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  • Bonnie Ward Simon is President of Maestro Classics, the award-winning classical music company which produces the Stories in Musicℱ series for children and families featuring the London Philharmonic Orchestra. From 1989-1998, Bonnie was the Executive Director of the Washington Chamber Symphony, the resident chamber orchestra at the Kennedy Center for Performing Arts in Washington, DC. She has served as an advisor to Scholastic Publications and is an internationally published writer in the fields of music and children. Bonnie Ward Simon holds degrees in music (Vassar College) and music education (New Jersey State College), as well as Japanese Labor Relations, Modern Japanese History, and Ancient Chinese History (Columbia University). She has also taught middle school music, worked in administration at Carnegie Hall, and written extensively for Washington Parent Magazine. Before moving to Washington, DC, she served on the boards of directors of Carnegie Hall, the Guggenheim Museum of Art, and New York City Opera. Bonnie is the mother of Basil and Sebastian Simon, the stepmother of David, Daniel, James, and Adam Simon, and the pack leader for Lulu Simon, their golden retriever. She loves to sail, skis in the winter, travels, sews, knits, paints, and delights in the seasonal changes in Central Park.

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  • Morgen Reynolds has been telling stories for most of her life! She remembers tying on a bandana and lying upside down, with magic marker "eyes" painted on her chin to perform "Wide Mouth Frog" for her friends. It was a huge hit. When her oldest, now 14, was a toddler, he had an endless appetite for stories. He would give her three animals and a place and she had to create a story off the top of her head. Eventually, she had to create story "tickets" that he would use to "buy" a story. There had to be some rationing. That grew to telling at family reunions, and soon after--"Miss Mo" was born. Morgen started performing on stage when she was 12 years old and dreamed of being a professional actress. That is a difficult dream to realize--especially with three kids! Storytelling came to her as a way to perform on her time, with total control over the content. She just started telling stories, without realizing that there is a storytelling world out there! Now she has performed at festivals, attends workshops, and teaches storytelling to others. Some of the most powerful storytelling occurs in the unplanned moments. The experiences around the dinner table that start with, "Did I ever tell you about that time when I was a kid that I. . . . " That's when you've got them! Kids love to hear stories, especially about the grownups in their lives, and especially if it involves the grownups in their lives getting into some trouble! Those stories, told honestly, have far more power than any sermon we could attend. Morgen is using modern technology to spread the art of storytelling. She has a YouTube channel with playlists of stories geared towards school aged children. She is also on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook. Living in rural Montana makes traveling to live performances difficult, but she has high hopes of building her online brand and connecting with children and adults all over the world through the power of story. Here we go with Miss Mo!

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    From This Episode Storytelling festivals are LEGIT! If you do a google search, you will find one near you, and they look amazing! I am seriously excited to check these out! Here are some festivals Morgen mentioned: National Storytelling Festival in Jonesborough, TN: http://www.storytellingcenter.net/festival/ Mount Timpanogos Storytelling Festival: https://timpfest.org More festivals: http://www.sostoryfest.com/festivals.html Storytellers Morgen tells us about: Laura Simms http://www.laurasimms.com Bil Lepp https://www.leppstorytelling.com Kim Weitkamp http://www.kimweitkamp.com Sam Payne https://www.sampayne.com/home The Moth on NPR https://www.themoth.org Jane Yolen Folktales http://janeyolen.com/works/favorite-folktales-from-around-the-world/ Why Storytelling: Stories connect families, our past, our identity, our experiences. Our stories are what make up our family culture. Storytelling is also a way to develop cognitive skills as a means of working our brains to remember things, which is why storytelling is so cultural. Storytelling is how family history and culture is perpetuated because they are easier to remember. Stories help us learn about conflict resolution, and connect us with the heroes in the stories, too. Storytelling and The Well-Educated Heart with Marlene Peterson http://librariesofhope.com/storytelling.html A way of keeping track of your family stories is with a five year journal, where you write down a line each day and then you come to it for five years recording one line each day. It's a great way to capture the snippets of life over a long time period. Connect With Morgen: http://www.missmostoryteller.com Website YouTube Facebook Instagram Twitter Recommended books: "Stolen Words" by Melanie Florence Jane Yolen folktales You listened to the end of the episode so you get to listen to a special treat! I posted a special audio of my 3-year old and me singing a song together while I was putting her to bed one night. You can only access it here, this link. Enjoy making memories together!

  • Crystal Paschal is a wife, mom of 3 boys, and a teacher-turned-homeschooling parent. She’s also the bookworm behind Fundamental Children’s Books, an online resource that helps parents find great books for their kids. Crystal loves to read (of course!), and she also loves running, crochet, and a good cup of coffee. You can find her online at itsfundamental.info.

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    From this episode Crystal and I discuss why reading is so important to our family culture. Reading to our children is like glue that brings us together to have a shared experience. Reading conveys to our children that reading is an important value. Reading books that express our values also helps teach our children those values, such as empathy, or resilience. Start making reading a habit, even if it's just five minutes a day. Put away that shame that you aren't doing enough if you aren't reading the "right" amount or at the "right" times. The right amount, and the right times, are the amounts and times that work for your family. Audiobooks can be a great way to get into reading. There are lots of ways to access great audiobooks. Of course there's Audible, or you can use your local library app to borrow audiobooks, and CDs from the library. Or you could check out LibriVox.org where you can access any public domain audiobooks. (Side note: I gave volunteering at LibriVox a try, and you can listen to my chapter (15) in Little Women, here). We like to listen to books while we're doing chores, having quiet play time, or while we're driving. This is the bluetooth transmitter I use for my car since it did not come with bluetooth already, and it has been great! Nulaxy Bluetooth Car FM Transmitter Audio Adapter Receiver Wireless Handsfree Car Kit W 1.44 Inch Display - KM18 Black

    You can pick just about any Bluetooth Speaker that you like, just make sure to check the reviews carefully, and pick one that's fair quality. We have found that the AmazonBasics Portable Wireless Bluetooth Speaker is working great for us. I don't have any complaints so far. Crystal's recommendation for reading aloud: The cool thing about this book is that it serves as a check list, and a journal for your kids to record their thoughts about the books! A few more resources that offer great books lists (click the image to get the book): Also, Institute for Excellence in Writing, iew.com has great resources. One of my favorites: LibrariesofHope.com Connect with Crystal: Website Facebook Instagram Twitter Pinterest

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    I did something a little different for this episode. I went to a homeschool conference in Williamsburg last week run by the Latter-day Saint Home Educators (LDSHE). I volunteered to help organize the conference this year, so I had the chance to get a behind-the-scenes look at the conference. I was even given the chance to speak at the conference in the Beginners' Seminar on homeschool philosophies. You can view my slides here. And, you can listen if you purchase the audio here. I had the opportunity at the end of the conference to ask a small handful of attendees how they felt about the conference, and how they will apply what they have learned to their family culture. There is quite a bit of ambient noise from the crowds, but I used some quiet ambient music to cover it up a little bit! The overall message I got from the conference this year is the need we all have for mentors. When parents are starting out, we need an experienced mentor who can help us with this transition to parenthood who is compassionate, and not overbearing. Any time we are making a change into something that is new, we need someone to coach us into learning about the rules, or helping us understand ourselves as we cope with the change. Homeschooling is definitely one of those things. I'm grateful for the women I met last week that I see as mentors helping me process all the information that is out there vying for my attention. Isn't it so true that there are so many different factors trying to change our values or trying to pull at our attention? Being able to process all of this information is helping me to filter out what is really important and ignore the rest. That is truly what it takes to form a thriving family culture. When we flesh out our mission statement, our family vision, or intentions, we are basically saying that this is what defines our family based on our identity and values. When you and your spouse come from two different backgrounds, coming together to get clear on your family culture helps you agree what will work for your family, and what won't. It's important that we have that conversation to help us be more intentional about our family culture. We need to get clear on our identity and goals as a family, and the rest will fall into place. I think that you will find this episode uplifting, even if you don't homeschool your children. And, if you are considering homeschool, let me reassure you there is lots of support here for you. Thank you for listening.
  • Linda Åkeson McGurk is a Swedish-American journalist and author of the parenting memoir There’s No Such Thing As Bad Weather: A Scandinavian Mom’s Secrets for Raising Healthy, Resilient, and Confident Kids (from Friluftsliv to Hygge). She believes that the best childhood memories are created outside, while jumping in puddles, digging in dirt, catching bugs and climbing trees. McGurk blogs about connecting between children and nature at Rain or Shine Mamma, and hopes to inspire other parents and caregivers to get outside with their children every day, regardless of the weather.

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    From this Episode American culture has less emphasis on outdoor play and free play. Americans are over-scheduled and place a greater emphasis on academics. Sweden makes outdoor play mandated by law. Childhood and preschool is seen as the time for free play. Swedish children have fewer problems with childhood obesity and mental/cognitive disorders. Playing outdoors increases physical and mental health. Free play allows children to get creating, and problem solve, and conflict resolution. Being bored allows space for kids to develop their creativity. This means that we need to intentionally allow them to have unstructured time in their day, without access to electronics or personal devices. There is a push for things to always be educational which makes parents feel insecure about unstructured time, but actually, there are many, many benefits of unstructured time. Electronics. The antidote to electronics and virtual reality is establishing a sense of identity outside of their virtual identity. Giving our kids a foundation of being outdoors and being connected with nature allows them the space to connect with their identity, and gives them space to appreciate their own capacity to create and have free time. This prepares kids to have a sense of being grounded in their identity, and prepares them to not center their lives so much around their electronic devices. Friluftsliv is this idea of spending time together as a family outdoors. It is most often used during the summer time. Hygge is the feeling of warm coziness, often around some form of glowing light or fire. These are part of the Swedish culture that has been perpetuated in folk lore and generations of practice and stories. We can reproduce these practices by making outdoor time a part of our family culture, preparing for larger excursions out of doors, and creating family stories. The closest thing I could think of that could be similar to higgle is nostalgia, but I don't think that quite captures it either. Nostalgia can be almost any kind of experience that creates a longing for a time in the past, but hygge is a practice of creating those feelings now.

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    Connect with Linda: Rain or Shine Mamma Facebook Pinterest Instagram Twitter Book: There’s No Such Thing As Bad Weather: A Scandinavian Mom’s Secrets for Raising Healthy, Resilient, and Confident Kids (from Friluftsliv to Hygge)

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  • Kelly Stanley has a M.A. degree in Clinical Psychology and is a Certified Professional Coach. She has been a Psychology Professor for 12 years and a mother for 13 years. Her coaching practice, Rising Up, provides mental wellness coaching to help moms deal with the mental load of motherhood.

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    From This Episode Mothers play a significant role in shaping their family culture. Kelly's advice on how moms can be more confident in their role, and manage the stress and pressure are the following: Get clear on your values and your vision, and your aspirations. Be grounded in your own identity. Use self-care as an opportunity to get in tune with your abundance, and fill your self. Get clear about your boundaries. Learn how to interact with people that doesn't compromise or sacrifice who we are. When are firm about boundaries, we can know where to delegate responsibilities, what our limits are, how we can balance the responsibilities to share the load, and also manage the times when we feel inadequate and give ourselves some grace. The energy we bring to our family is the underlying family culture that our family feels. What we bring to our family energetically is our family culture! "If I'm working on me, and I'm trying to be the best human I can be, that's enough!" Reading is a form of self-care and modeling your abundance mindset, and growth mentality. Recommended Books: Just read! :) Any of Brené Brown's work. "No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame" by Janet Lansbury "The Self-Aware Parent: 19 Lessons for Growing with Your Children" by Cathy Cassani Adams "The Self-Aware Parent Two: 23 More Lessons for Growing With Your Children" by Cathy Cassani Adams "Living What You Want Your Kids to Learn: The Power of Self-Aware Parenting" by Cathy Cassani Adams "The Conscious Parent: Transforming Ourselves, Empowering Our Children" by Dr. Shefali Tsabary "Middle School Makeover: Improving the Way You and Your Child Experience the Middle School Years" by Michelle Icard "The Available Parent: Expert Advice for Raising Successful and Resilient Teens and Tweens" By Dr. John Duffy And, for some fun reading: Liane Moriarty books Where to Find Kelly: Rising Up Coach Facebook Instagram

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  • Corrie is a mom, educator and entrepreneur at heart. She has a degree in elementary education and psychology and has spent years working in the field of education. Kelsa is a mom, designer and teacher that has spent years working in the mental health field. In 2013 she launched her first business, Happy Patches. Wonder Crate is an educational box for kids that promotes social emotional learning. Kids gain real world skills to be more confident, manage emotions, embrace challenges, increase social skills and stay positive. Skills are developed with the help of a book, fun activities, an online lesson and tips and resources for parents. www.wondercratekids.com Wonder Crate Mission: To teach all children the social and emotional skills that will empower them to explore their world, challenge their current abilities, look for ways to make the world a better place, and expect their own efforts WILL change the future!

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    From This Episode So many amazing tips and tools about how to help our kids develop resilience. Often, we are tempted to shelter our kids from pain and struggle, but actually, those challenges they face each day are there to help them develop their ability to face obstacles as opportunities to grow! I love the Kelsa described resilience as a muscle that we develop through practice and expose to challenges. We are not talking about dangerous challenges, just daily tasks that create frustration, like learning to tie their shoes, do their homework, or finish a chore. When we jump in to do it, it's like telling them we will do their workout for them! Can you imagine going to the gym with your kids and telling them, step away from that barbell, I will lift that for you?! We develop resilience just like we would our muscles with practice, with working on our mindset to see challenges as opportunities rather than setbacks. Resilience is "the power or ability to return to the original form, position, etc., afterbeing bent, compressed, or stretched" (dictionary.com). The ability to recover from a challenge is something that needs to be practiced, like a skill that needs to be learned, or a muscle that needs to be developed. Parents also model for kids how to cope with challenges. Being resilient is about recovery, and it is also about coping: recognizing when we are having strong feelings, and then modeling appropriate ways to deal with them. Perhaps you cope by going for a walk, or talking out your feelings with your own parents, friend, or spouse. These soft skills are part of learning how to parent, too. Something I have learned is that I have to be able to model resilience so that I can teach my kids how to develop that skill, too! That is the challenge! We can also talk about the challenges we face, how we feel about our mistakes, and how we are facing the issue. When you talk about "highs and lows" at the dinner table, for example, you can talk about how the lows are challenges that are a part of life, and discuss how to cope with them. Find Corrie and Kelsa Wonder Crate Kids Facebook Instagram Pinterest Twitter About Wonder Crate Kids Wonder Crate is all about empowering children! This goal directs every decision we make, from what topics they cover, to who they partner with, to the individual items we include in each box. They want to teach ALL children the social and emotional skills that will empower them to explore their world, challenge their current abilities, look for ways to make the world a better place, and expect their own efforts WILL change the future! Wonder Crate Kids mission is to help you raise kids that are: Eager to take on challenges Confident in social situations Believe in themselves Aware of the feelings of others Able to regulate their emotions Open to new ideas and experiences Passionate about using their skills to make the world a better place Wonder Crate Kids is a subscription box that comes with a book, an activity, and suggestions for parents to help reinforce social and emotional skills. Boxes even include conversation cards to help parents start discussions with their kids and lead out to help their children feel confident to talk about these skills. Click over to their site (here) to learn more about their amazing boxes! Subscriptions, and single boxes available on great topics like, Resilience, Confidence, Strong Feelings, Mindfulness, and Empathy. Recommended Books "The Yes Brain: How to Cultivate Courage, Curiosity, and Resilience in Your Child" by Daniel J. Siegel I am really enjoying Dr. Siegel's work. I heard him speak on a virtual summit recently, and he is incredibly insightful. "The Awakened Family: How to Raise Empowered, Resilient, and Conscious Children" by Dr. Shefali Tsabary I recommend this to everyone! I love this book. Dr. Shefali really teaches amazing skills on how to manage our own feelings so that we can help our kids direct their own feelings without our baggage! "The Hugging Tree: A Story About Resilience" by Jill Neimark and Nicole Wong "After the Fall (How Humpty Dumpty Got Back Up Again)" by Dan Santat "Rosie Revere, Engineer" by Andrea Beaty "What Do You Do With a Problem?" by Kobi Yamada #mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; }
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    From this Episode: I am discussing why I homeschool and what philosophies have influenced my methods. Listed below are a few of the sites, resources, and books that have influenced me. One thing I want to note that I didn't mention is that any of these values can be applied whether or not you homeschool! Intentional education happens in the home, it's true. BUT, you can do these things after school, weekends, at the dinner table, etc. The ideas I talk about are things that apply to family culture no matter what educational style your family follows. The important thing is the intentionality of it, the parental involvement, and guidance that kids receive to lead them toward a great education! TJEd.org (Interview with Rachel DeMille) WellEducatedHeart.com (Interview with Marlene Peterson) Engaged Homeschooling withe Jeanne Faulconer Math for Kids Math Inspirations (Interview with Emily Dyke) Mentoring Moms (Interview with Donna Goff) Homeschool Legal Defense Association (HSLDA) Home Education Council of America Latter-day Saint Home Educators World School Academy (Interview with Greg Denning) "The Successful Homeschool Family Handbook" by Dr. Raymond and Dorothy Moore Books by Raymond and Dorothy Moore "The Read-Aloud Handbook" by Jim Trelease "The Millionaire Fastlane" by MJ DeMarco (Interview with MJ DeMarco) Books by John Holt Books by Charlotte Mason "For the Children's Sake: Foundations of Education for Home and School" by Susan Schaeffer Macaulay More Recommended Books: Also check out my list at http://homeandfamilyculture.com/books #mc_embed_signup{background:#fff; clear:left; font:14px Helvetica,Arial,sans-serif; }
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  • Carol Danaher is Board President and Faculty at the Ellyn Satter Institute. She is a Registered Dietitian Nutritionist with a Master in Public Health from Johns Hopkins. She co-founded the Childhood Feeding Collaborative, of Santa Clara County, CA, creating partnerships and training in feeding dynamics for pediatric service providers of all kinds. Carol worked at the national level at the United States Department of Agriculture evaluating child nutrition programs. She consults with childcare programs helping them design and establish positive feeding policies and environments. She is an experienced educator. Volunteer work in the 1970s in Jakarta, Indonesia led to her interest in Public Health. Carol was a Girl Scout leader for 12 years. Carol has two married child, and a toddler aged grand daughter.

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    From This Episode Ellyn Satter has established an understanding of the "Division of Responsibility" when it comes to feeding our children:

    Parents' role: WHAT, WHEN, WHERE to eat.

    Child's role: IF, and HOW MUCH to eat.

    Competent eating has to do with our ability to listen to our bodies' needs, perceiving satiety (fullness), and appetite. Social cues, or parents dictating whether a child should eat certain food, and how much, creates a power struggle. This pressure creates a dissonance between the parent-child relationship, and the child's capacity for eating competence. Most issues arise from either the parent or child taking over the other's role. When parents apply too much pressure, or when children are allowed to decide what and when to eat, there is confusion in the roles that make eating competence for effective. Families who eat together three to five times a week, regardless of what meal or what is being served, have been shown to be more resilient, and have a myriad of other benefits. Carol referred to a study done by Columbia University on the influence of family meals on adults likelihood toward substance abuse. And if you do a google search of the importance of family meal time, you will find lots of support! Here are a few references from the Ellyn Satter Institute site: "Not all family meals are perfect; eat together anyway" "How long should my child stay at the table" "Everybody does better with family meals" "Getting started with family meals" The definition of a family meal is just four key elements:

    People sit down and face each other the same food is offered everyone the conversation is pleasant no media distractions

    Meals can be breakfast, take-out meals, anything that meets these four criteria. Meals need to reflect your family's needs, be regularly spaced, and regulated by parents. In the Ellyn Satter model, foods are not labeled good or bad. Sweets and treats are neutralized as neither good nor bad. Parents limit the amount of sweets allowed during a meal, and allow them occasionally without labeling them or rationalizing. It's ok to let our kids eat their holiday treats for the first couple of days! Check out an article on Halloween candy: "The sticky topic of Halloween candy" Kids will outgrow the desire to binge on treats when they are a non-issue. Tune in to this episode for even more tips and tools. Where to Find Ellyn Satter Institute ellynsatterinstitute.org Facebook Instagram Ellyn Satter Institute Webinars (Particularly, the "ABCs of Child Feeding") Recommended Books Ellyn Satter Books "Secrets of Feeding a Healthy Family: How to Eat, How to Raise Good Eaters, How to Cook" by Ellyn Satter "Child of Mine: Feeding with Love and Good Sense" by Ellyn Satter

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  • Kirstynn's daughter Nora started a business together called Nor's Macarons:

    NORA’S MACARONS 11 year old Nora, has been baking the most delicious Italian style macarons since she was 8. Her spin on the delicate, and sophisticated little cookie, are exactly what you would expect from a tweenager. Her macarons are not only gorgeous and colorful, they taste amazing! She currently sells her macarons, at a local farmers market in Peoria, Arizona. She bakes towers of macarons for weddings, favors for baby showers, and all other special orders. Her biggest accomplishment of her young career is when Cover Girl contracted her for a very special event they were hosting for KODA modeling agency! Her mommager manages her social media, ordering, contracts and has been cheering her on all along the way. Nora has two younger brothers, she studies ballet, and has performed in the Nutcracker, Wizard of Oz, Tarzan, and Cinderella. She is a student mentor in her school, and hopes to join the honor program in middle school next year.

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    From This Episode: Nora became interested in Macarons when she was eight and it quickly evolved into a business when she was motivated to earn some money for herself. Starting a business has taught Nora a variety of incredible skills: entrepreneurship, management and leadership, customer service, communication, networking, hiring, grit, resilience, and the process of starting and growing a business. Kirstynn has learned that there are things that she has had to develop as a parent too. She has needed to learn patience, and especially how to truly be supportive. Often, our kids will burn out simply because we are nagging them! We tend to point out their weakness, and things that need to be improved, and forget to compliment and encourage their strengths. We are required to encourage their crazy ideas, too, and help them to experiment and try out new things by trial and error. I felt inspired by Kirstynn's experience of how she and Nora started their business. There are so many resources and ideas that kids can start, and kids are often supported to start a business. My daughter talks about wanted to have a lemonade stand, or be a mother helper so that she can start her own business. It's my job to support her and encourage her, and find ways to help her find the resources that will help her, and encourage her crazy ideas! I love this topic a lot because being an entrepreneur is a lot like being an intentional family culture. You have to be intentional and you have to think about your values, and your vision. I love this quote from "E-Myth" by Michael E. Gerber: “I believe it’s true that the difference between great people and everyone else is that great people create their lives actively, while everyone else is created by their lives, passively waiting to see where life takes them next 
 The difference between the two is living intentionally and living by accident.” Starting a business may not be part of your family culture, but business culture will teach us a lot about our families and how we can model business and structure our family vision around how business structure their vision. Where to find Nora's Marcarons: Instagram Facebook Recommended Resources: Udemy Coursera Books: "The Millionaire Fastlane: Crack the Code to Wealth and Live Rich for a Lifetime" by MJ DeMarco "Unscripted: Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Entrepreneurship" by MJ DeMarco "The E-Myth Revisited: Why Most Business Don't Work and What to Do About It" by Michael E. Gerber "Ecommerce Evolved: The Essential Playbook to Build, Grow, and Scale a Successful Ecommerce Business" by Tanner Larsson "DotCom Secrets: The Underground Playbook for Growing Your Company Online" by Russell Brunson

    "Rich Dad Poor Dad: What the Rich Teach Their Kids About Money That the Poor and Middle Class Do Not!" by Robert Kiyosaki

    "Rich Dad's Escape from the Rat Race: How To Become A Rich Kid By Following Rich Dad's Advice" by Robert Kiyosaki The Tuttle Twins Series "Better Than a Lemonade Stand!: Small Business Ideas for Kids" by Daryl Berstein

    "Raising an Entrepreneur: 10 Rules for Nurturing Risk Takers, Problem Solvers, and Change Makers" by Margot Machol Bisnow

    "Grit: The Power of Passion and Perseverance" by Angela Duckworth "How Children Succeed: Grit, Curiosity, and the Hidden Power of Character" by Paul Tough "Mindset: The New Psychology of Success" by Carol S. Dweck "The Talent Code: Greatness isn't Born. It's Made. Here's How." by Daniel Coyle

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  • Brityn has a BA in English literature from BYU and a masters in library and information science from Catholic U (Washington, DC). She's a Jill of all trades, her resume including English teacher in Russia, Forest Service firefighter, lobbyist, and most recently, special collections work at the Virginia and Oklahoma Historical Societies. She has a medical resident husband and three young children. Lee grew up in the Southern states and now resides outside of Richmond, Virginia with her husband Sam and three children. She attended undergraduate school at both BYU-Idaho (studying interior design) and BYU (studying art-education) before teaching art in the Utah school system. Lee worked at two universities in Virginia prior to and while attending graduate school at VIrginia Commonwealth University. She owns her own interior design company, but is currently on an undetermined length break from it while she pursues raising her children and blogging about solutions for parents. Waters + Bennett is our solutions guide to staying present and collected while parenting in the 21st century.

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    From This Episode Brityn is selective about what she allows into her space Wants the time she’s influencing her kids to count. "The Stories That Bind Us" Discusses how family culture is our stories and our family history. These are what create resilience. White noise concept: so much noise to fill our time with that we have to be willing to filter out the noise so that the messages we want to send to our kids doesn’t get drowned out. You know what a family’s culture is when they have specific characteristics that you identify with that family. Refer to themselves as a team, e.g. “Team Smith” Families come with a particular flavor, family culture is like your brand

    Similar Content: Episode 030 with Kimberly Amici of The Family Culture Project

    Stuff is not the priority. Breaking home management down into bite-sized chunks allows you to fit it in without it consuming your life. Simplify makes it easier to focus on what’s important, it allows us to slow down and make it easier to train our kids how to manage a home because it’s just easier (whether you have toddlers or teens, this applies) Take inventory and troubleshoot regularly to make sure that you are where you want to be with regard to maintenance and routines Challenge to maintaining: consistency. We fall prey to reward ourselves when it seems like we are doing ok, and then we quickly fall behind. Having systems in place allows you to break down the jobs to manageable chunks so we can spend more quality time with our families. Be aware of the big picture and what your priorities are Know your character so you can know what your needs are. The Tendency Test by Gretchen Rubin Simply Organized Clean My Space - Decluttering and Organizing Real Simple Cleaning Calendar 7 Habits of highly effective people by Stephen R. Covey Happiness project by Gretchen Rubin Happier at home by Gretchen Rubin Fly Lady 3 in 30 Podcast Dressing Your Truth with Carol Tuttle Connect With Lee and Brityn https://watersandbennett.com Instagram Recommended Books

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  • Brityn has a BA in English literature from BYU and a masters in library and information science from Catholic U (Washington, DC). She's a Jill of all trades, her resume including English teacher in Russia, Forest Service firefighter, lobbyist, and most recently, special collections work at the Virginia and Oklahoma Historical Societies. She has a medical resident husband and three young children. Lee grew up in the Southern states and now resides outside of Richmond, Virginia with her husband Sam and three children. She attended undergraduate school at both BYU-Idaho (studying interior design) and BYU (studying art-education) before teaching art in the Utah school system. Lee worked at two universities in Virginia prior to and while attending graduate school at VIrginia Commonwealth University. She owns her own interior design company, but is currently on an undetermined length break from it while she pursues raising her children and blogging about solutions for parents. Waters + Bennett is our solutions guide to staying present and collected while parenting in the 21st century.

    This Post Contains Affiliate Links

    From This Episode Brityn is selective about what she allows into her space Wants the time she’s influencing her kids to count. "The Stories That Bind Us" Discusses how family culture is our stories and our family history. These are what create resilience. White noise concept: so much noise to fill our time with that we have to be willing to filter out the noise so that the messages we want to send to our kids doesn’t get drowned out. You know what a family’s culture is when they have specific characteristics that you identify with that family. Refer to themselves as a team, e.g. “Team Smith” Families come with a particular flavor, family culture is like your brand

    Similar Content: Episode 030 with Kimberly Amici of The Family Culture Project

    Stuff is not the priority. Breaking home management down into bite-sized chunks allows you to fit it in without it consuming your life. Simplify makes it easier to focus on what’s important, it allows us to slow down and make it easier to train our kids how to manage a home because it’s just easier (whether you have toddlers or teens, this applies) Take inventory and troubleshoot regularly to make sure that you are where you want to be with regard to maintenance and routines Challenge to maintaining: consistency. We fall prey to reward ourselves when it seems like we are doing ok, and then we quickly fall behind. Having systems in place allows you to break down the jobs to manageable chunks so we can spend more quality time with our families. Be aware of the big picture and what your priorities are Know your character so you can know what your needs are. The Tendency Test by Gretchen Rubin Simply Organized Clean My Space - Decluttering and Organizing Real Simple Cleaning Calendar 7 Habits of highly effective people by Stephen R. Covey Happiness project by Gretchen Rubin Happier at home by Gretchen Rubin Fly Lady 3 in 30 Podcast Dressing Your Truth with Carol Tuttle Connect With Lee and Brityn https://watersandbennett.com Instagram Recommended Books

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  • Kelli McCarty is a Marriage and Family Therapist and has worked as a School Counselor in both the San Francisco/Bay area and in Houston. Her experience includes working in a Waldorf school, Charter Schools, public schools and a top private college prep school. In addition to schools, Kelli also has experience in play therapy, individual and family therapy, and teaching social emotional curriculum. Kelli has worked in schools and the mental health field for over ten years and has recently launched her new business, Toys with Intent; a site dedicated to providing social and emotional toys, products, and resources to children and teens. Her mission is to help parents raise children to be emotionally intelligent and to also help parents be intentional regarding the toys and products they bring in to their homes. Kelli lives in Southern California with her husband and two children and you can find her on Facebook and Instagram.

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    From This Episode: In December, I created a page for finding non-toy gift ideas, to reduce clutter, and also create a more intentional list of ideas for gifts. I love what Kelli is doing with Toys With Intent to help families find resources that are actually useful for our children's play time! The gifts we give, the toys we bring into our home are more than just stuff or clutter. If they aren't explicitly for the purpose of helping our kids develop, they could actually be harmful to their development. Kelli and I talk about some things that may be harmful, and some things that are better for encouraging soft skills, like empathy and emotional intelligence for our kids. Her site has lists of toys, books, and games that teach specific skills. Family culture is about our norms and default behaviors. It can be so easy to just fall into patterns that leave us coasting without realizing what we are bringing into our homes. Before we get anything, it's important to pause and mindfully evaluate whether the things we consume actually serve our family and the values that we hold. Seek trusted advice to make sure that what you are getting is appropriate and useful. Keep in mind that, like being intentional about our family culture, being intentional about our gifts and toys may seem somewhat counter-cultural and sometimes hard to understand. Kelli's site is a great resource to help our families and friends understand what we want to accomplish when we tell them that we don't want gifts, and activities in our home that do not serve our family. Connect with Kelli: www.toyswithintent.com Facebook Instagram Recommended Books:

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  • Dr. Lindsay Goulet is the founder of Hot Mama Health & Fitness Ltd, a fitness franchise company dedicated to building community through family fitness. She uses her Ph.D. in Exercise Physiology to motivate and inspire women to not only get active, eat well and become healthy role models but to also accept and love their bodies. Using the franchise system and finding incredible women to work with, Lindsay has been able to spread the word of family fitness from her home, with her kids right beside her.

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    From this Episode Lindsay's mom was an aerobics instructor so she grew up loving fitness and seeing it as a chance to be with friends doing something fun. Exercise is not self care, it is essential care! Exercise is mental care. Exercise is about giving yourself energy, improving your sleep, improving your health overall, aside from whether or not you lose weight. You will not be in a worse mood when you get over a workout. Exercise is a great way to diffuse anxiety. Lindsay has set an example for her kids that exercise is a stress relief. Go for a walk with your kids to diffuse stress and it has a dual purpose: movement, and connection! Our bodies are incredible! Connect with Lindsay hotmamafit.com www.lindsaygee.ca http://www.lindsaygee.ca/category/podcast/ Recommended Books Safety Kids Class (Audio) "Deep Work: Rules for Focused Success in a Distracted World" by Cal Newport "You are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life" by Jen Sincero "Three Feet From Gold: Turn Your Obstacles in Opportunities" by Sharon L. Lechter and Greg S. Reid

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  • A late bloomer in business, Ann started a new adventure working with women as a relationship mentor, coach and speaker after raising her 5 kids. For the past 15 years, she’s helped ordinary women live their extraordinary lives by redefining their marriages, families and professional careers. Ann is a certified John C. Maxwell coach, mentor and speaker.

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    From this episode Ann teaches women in a course based on the book "How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk" by John Van Epp. Our relationships can shape the course of our lives. Family culture is the vehicle that takes us toward our vision. Family culture is rooted in connection and fostering the love we feel for each other. Our family culture is rooting in stories, your family stories, your history and memories that you create. Stories are a way to process grief and difficult times. Foster connection through stories, and through the dinner table. We learn and connect at the dinner table. Establish and keep reinforcing our values. Consistency is the important key to helping our kids know what to expect. Our values establish Connection: stories, dinner table, reinforcing values, play! I love the stories Ann relates in this episode to illustrate how we can share stories that strengthen our family connections. Five Magic Hours that strengthen our marriages: 1: Partings 2: Embraces when we come back together 3: Meal times 4: Hugging and praying together 5: Discussing high and low points of the day, and other points of discussion Also, weekly dates. All of these add up to create space for a thriving marriage. John Gottman marriage books "Hold On To Your Kids" by Gordon Neufeld Our marriage relationships consists of three: you, me, and US. We have ourselves, and we have our relationships, and both are important to nourish. "His Needs Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage" by Willard F. Jr. Harley Marriage is a team effort, though you may ebb and flow between strengthening each other. Connect with Ann 4better4ever.com Ann's quiz: http://www.4better4ever.com/be-curious-quiz-family-culture/ Recommended Books

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  • Kimberly is known for her creativity, strong faith, and commitment to living life with purpose and passion. Together with her husband Carl, she is the co-founder of The Family Culture Project, which empowers families to create a thriving family culture. Kimberly is also a life coach, entrepreneur, designer, and co-host of the Slice of Life podcast. She writes on her personal blog as well as for Faith Gateway and More to Be. She lives with her husband and their three children in the NYC suburbs.

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    From This Episode Family culture is similar to corporate culture. "Good to Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap and Others Don't" by Jim Collins: helping to define what culture is and what it looks like. "The Hands-Off Manager: How to Mentor People and Allow them to be Successful" by Steve Chandler: allowing space for our children to grow and be guided by our beliefs even when we are apart. Family culture is a reflection of who you are as a family. Family evaluations allow the family to pick out characteristics that family members can work on, or how they can better honor their family mission. Annual retreats give your family a chance to step away and evaluate what is working and how you can improve. Retreats give everyone space to speak and feel heard. Value words mean little until you turn them into a verb. Define what each of the words in your values mean and stand for so there is meaning and purpose behind the words. Progress becomes measurable when you define what the values mean. "Unscripted: Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Entrepreneurship" by MJ DeMarco: Action taking vs. Action faking. "Fundamentally Different" by David J. Friedman: defining your character/value words, turning values into practices. Family culture is a lot like branding. When you go to a store or restaurant, their brand is obvious because of their commercials and slogans, colors and character. Families are the same way. You can tell what a family's culture is like when you go into a home and see what they identify with. How does your home make people feel? How do you identify yourself? What is your family brand? "Start with Why: How Great Leaders Inspire Everyone to take Action" by Simon Sinek: Your why is what will allow you endure any obstacle. In the "12 Week Year," Brian P. Moran says that a lack of passion is not a crisis of passion, but a crisis of vision. It's important to define your why so you can fuel the passion for following through with your family vision. Please check out Kimberly's post about "Harnessing the Power of Peer Reviews for your Next Family Retreat" and sign up to receive her family retreat packet! Connect with Kimberly Blog - kimberlyamici.com Facebook Twitter Pinterest Instagram Etsy shop thefamilycultureproject.com Recommended Books

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    Transcript Last week, I took my two older kids to a birthday party at a laser tag place. My oldest, who is usually super friendly and bubbly, was terrified. It was rough because she was SO excited about this party and was looking forward to it all week! I can see why she was so scared. The place was noisy and flashy, and other than the birthday girl, and her brother, she didn't recognize anyone else. The birthday girl’s mom had not arrived at the party yet, and her dad, whom we had never met, was the one running the show. He was very busy so I didn’t get a chance to meet him before my daughter burst into tears. It was kind of alarming since she had been so excited to come. She told me it was very different than what she had expected. I waited with her for a little while. I didn’t want her to miss out on this because I knew she would seriously regret it. As much as she was upset now, I knew she would be even more upset if she passed. Especially if her brother still went, and came back with a happy report. I knew I needed to find the adult in charge and make myself known to them. I went up to the birthday girl’s dad and asked if he was indeed her dad. I shook his hand and pointed out my kids. I tried to connect with him over the noise and convey to him the fact that my daughter was kind of upset, but he was too busy. My daughter calmed down enough for me to leave her there which was a relief. I knew she was going to have so much fun! When I came back to pick her up, I was so relieved to find out that she had indeed had a blast! Then she told me the story of how it happened. She was super nervous at first. It was such a new experience. During the first round of laser tag, she was still pretty apprehensive. But then, during the second round, a guest’s mom was there and told my daughter she would help her and they would play together. She got over her fear, and learned to play laser tag. In the book "Hold on to your kids", by Gordon Neufeld, I learned exactly what had happened in this situation, one reason my daughter had been so scared, and why the mom at the party was so important. Our children need to receive their orientation about the world from trusted adults. Ideally those adults are their parents, but sometimes, many times, that is not possible. They are often gone all day at school. We are gone all day at work. But, kids need a trusted adult to mentor them because the alternative is peer orientation which is like the blind leading the blind. I won’t go into detail about that here, you’ll have to read the book. So how can we keep our kids oriented to a trusted adult. 1: When you have to separate, transfer their orientation to an adult you trust. This is why I knew I needed to meet the birthday girl’s dad. If her mom had been there, the trust has already been established, so my daughter would have had an easier time transitioning. I do this a lot with my toddlers when they need to go to nursery at church. I talk to the teachers and smile at them. I might touch their shoulder and show my child that I trust this person and that I know they will take good care of them. I introduce my child to the adult and let them get to know them. This would work with any situation where you need to drop off your child. Meet their teachers. Talk with them. Let your child see that there is an adult they can trust and look to for direction, protection, and guidance. 2: When you need to separate for a long time, like going away for a trip, call them each day, FaceTime would be even better. Send them notes. My husband and I are going on a trip, and we are going to leave their sitter with videos of us talking to them and telling them stories about them. Do the kinds of things that let them know that even though you’re apart, you still care, and you’re still thinking about them. Dr. Dan Seigel has said that our children need to feel seen, soothed, safe, and secure. These feelings create integration and resilience. They engender empathy, and attachment. 3: when you come back together, Dr. Neufeld says to “collect” them. Make sure they know you notice they are back/you are back. Embrace if you can. Then talk with the intent to get them to make eye contact, to smile, and to nod. You can ask them if they learned anything new, or made a new friend. You can ask them if they enjoyed themselves. You could tell them a joke! Something that gets them to look at you in the eye, smile and nod. We do this even after our kids have spent some time watching tv! We have noticed that when we collect them, they are reinstated into the family, and are more willing to take part, and feel good. When we forget to collect them after they have been watching tv or after coming in from playing with friends, they are more crabby and entitled. It can escalate from there, and next thing we know, someone is fighting or shouting. When we remember to collect them, they know we see them, we hear them, we love them, we want them. 4. Make collecting them a regular part of your family culture. When I was studying psychology as part of my health degree, I took a class or two about lifespan psychology and learned about attachment theory, and childhood temperaments. Children who have a secure attachment to their parents are sad to see them go, and they are happy to see them return, but in between they are able to cope. Fostering a secure attachment is established by giving our children a reason to feel secure. They know they are secure when they trust us, and when they know we trust them. I am very slow to jump on my kids when it looks like they are doing something difficult. When we go to the park, I let them run around, even from the time they begin to walk, and allow them to do something that stretches them. I encourage them to work on jobs around the house, and I've learned not to jump in and correct them when they aren't doing it exactly how I would do it. These things express confidence in them, that I know they are capable of doing hard things. When they need support of consolation, I freely give it. Then, when they return to me, I make sure they know I see them and I care about them. For more information about the importance of having a secure attachment, and orienting our children to trustworthy adults, and why that is important, I recommend reading Gordon Neufeld's book, and checking out his resources here at https://neufeldinstitute.org/# Recommended books: Even though I don't mention all of these books in the episode (in fact, just one), all of these have influenced my beliefs around how to help my children have a secure attachment to me and their dad. They have taught me the importance of being the type of parent that mentors my kids and guides them toward adulthood, or to help me understand better who they are so I don't feel compelled to make them be something they are not. I know there are even more books than this that would do the same thing, but these area the ones I've read so far!

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  • About Dina Dina Alexander is the founder and president of Educate and Empower Kids (educateempowerkids.org), an organization determined to strengthen families by teaching digital citizenship, media literacy, and healthy sexuality education—including education about the dangers of online porn. She is the creator of Noah’s New Phone: A Story About Using Technology for Good, Messages About Me: A Journey to Healthy Body Image, How to Talk to Your Kids About Pornography and the 30 Days of Sex Talks and 30 Days to a Stronger Child programs. She received her master’s degree in recreation therapy from the University of Utah and her bachelors from Brigham Young University. She is an amazing mom and loves spending time with her husband and three kids. Together, they live in Texas.

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    From this Episode Our kids need to be stronger than we are. Our kids experience much tougher issues than we could have imagined as kids. We need to be able to open up and have tough conversations with our kids about these issues. Smart phones are shaping our kids’ realities Be deliberate with the time we spend with our kids and the conversations we have. Visualize what kind of adults you hope your kids become. Be deliberate about the activities you allow your kids to engage in, whether digital or otherwise. Be the example by showing them that your relationship with them is more important than our devices. Consume media that reflect your values. It’s a habit, a practice that you develop over time. Regularly reevaluate habits to determine if they fit your values. Seek out useful ways to use technology, and set boundaries. Be deliberate for yourself! Set a timer for limiting your own. Our phones have become coping tools. Part of the conversation is asking our family what we do when we are tired, stressed, or alone. Always speak kindly about our bodies. Give our kids compliments about their character, and the abilities of their minds and bodies beyond aesthetics and looks. Give our kids opportunities to succeed so it develops their confidence and abilities, and sense of accomplishment. See Episode 020 with Merrilee Boyack. Focus on health practices rather than body image. Don’t label foods as good or bad. (See EllynSatterInstitute.org) Keep sports fun for as long as you can. Be deliberate about what sports, and programs you select for your kids. Do they bring you closer to your goals? Talk to the teachers about your values. “Stand tall Molly Lou Melon” by Patty Lovell “Beauty Redefined” web site Speak kindly to yourself. Find Dina educateempowerkids.org Instagram Facebook Educate Empower Kids on Amazon Recommended Books

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