Episoder
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Have you ever gotten into an argument with your three year old and wondered âHow did it come to this? Iâm bigger, stronger, smarter and yet this little tyke has me on the ropes!!!!â
Have you tried to set a boundary with your teenager, only to have themâflip the scriptâ and suddenly youâre on the defensive.
In this special podcast we interview certified hostage and conflict negotiator Karleen Savage M.A., author other âThe Confident Teen Blueprint: A Parentâs 30 Day Challenge to Empower their Teen.â
Weâll discuss universal skills for conflict resolution that work with all children of all ages (including adult children!) Some of the techniques include:
Embracing Curiosity: How to become an exceptional learner. Master Listening: How to story map, connecting the bullet points and filling in the gaps in the story. âZippy the Lippyâ : Learn when to keep your mouth shut. Most relational conflict is NOT an emergency. There is a way to avoid getting caught up in the other personâs intensity. Attitude: How can I deescalate this? How can I be present without âfixingâ the problem.If youâve ever felt like a hostage in your own family, youâll want to listen to this one.
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Even parents of grown children sometimes wake up in a cold sweat reliving the battles in getting their 4 year old to go to sleep. In this episode we tackle head on the thorny but solvable challenge of getting your young child to go to sleep. After listening to this podcast, youâll be primed to make bedtime more effective and relaxing for everybody.
Some of the topics we cover are:
When is the ideal time to switch your child from a crib to a bed?
Common causes that create difficulty falling asleep or middle of the night wakings.
How do you handle it if the child is afraid?
How much sleep do children this age actually need at night?
What is a healthy bedtime routine that promotes sleep?
In the end, itâs all about taking back parental authority by setting appropriate, respectful, firm boundaries while avoiding some of the common mistakes that parents make that inadvertently cause sleep problems.
Weâll give you tips on how to set limits and consequences that actually work and give you a realistic time frame about how long to expect before seeing results.
Finally, weâll look at the more controversial topics: Do rewards work? And what about the âfamily bedâ?
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In this episode we interview clinical psychologist Dr. Elizabeth Cohen clinical about the huge uptick in anxiety and depression in our kids since the pandemic and how CBT is providing a lifeline for many families.
Therapists using CBT work with anxious and depressed children and teens to help them identify the specific triggers that lead to their anxiety and give them strategies to develop resilience and to handle discomfort.
We also discuss how parents can work with the principals of CBT including taking a âfear inventoryâ to help their children and teens at home. Finally, weâll discuss whether medication is helpful or something to be avoided.
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âWithout enough sleep, we all become tall two-year-olds.â
Sleep isnât a luxury, and this is especially true among our tweens and teens. 77% of teens nationwide do not get the minimum number of hours of sleep they need each night (8 hours is the minimum.) And itâs no surprise that sleep deprivation leads to short-temperedness, risky behaviors; poor learning; inability to absorb, retain and retrieve new information; drowsy driving and poor mental health.
In this episode we interview Lisa L. Lewis, author of âThe Sleep Deprived Teenâ who helps us come up with a strategy for helping our kids get they sleep they desperately need.
Weâll uncover the truth about how a teenâs sleep patterns differ from the years prior to and after adolescence and how this Circadian rhythm shift affects them.
Finally, weâll give parents tips for how to help your child self-regulate, make sleep a family priority and help overworked and over-scheduled teenagers achieve a balance in their sleep, social life, school work and extracurricular activities
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Itâs okay to not be okay: Self-care vs. that never ending, ever expanding TO DO list
Being a parent is A LOT of work and often very stressful. But thereâs stress and then thereâs STRESS, and a parentâs relationship to that stress can occasionally dip into unhealthy territory. But if that happens, there are ways to get back into balance and find a healthy way to cope.
In todayâs episode we talk with Meredith Ethington, author of âThe Motherload: Surviving the daily grind without losing your ever-loving mind.â
We start by debunking the idea that men and women are âwiredâ differently, and focus instead on how the pressure to conform to societal norms about men and women contribute to the fact that mothers typically bear the majority of the mental, physical and emotional load in families. We offer suggestions as to how mothers can learn to share that load so they don't feel so overwhelmed all of the time.
Finally, we talk about how itâs okay to not be okay. The mental load placed on mothers can sometimes lead to mental health issues and itâs important to talk about this. Destigmatizing mental health issues is critical and parents of all genders (partnered or not) do not need to feel shame about needing help. (And don't necessarily have to spend money to get that help.)
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Itâs a fact of life; at some point in their life, your kid is going to get knocked down by circumstances out of their control. But as uncomfortable as that truth may be, there are concrete steps you can take as a parent to foster resilience in your kid, the kind of grit that allows them to get up, dust off and get back on the horse.
In this episode we interview Kate Lund, the author of âBounce: Help Your Child Build Resilience and Thrive In School, Sports and Lifeâ
Weâll identify the pillars of resilience and ways to help your kid identify and build upon the tools to reduce stress and increase confidence, even in the face of setbacks and disappointment.
Finally, weâll talk about ways you can model resilience for your kid and how both your child (and you!) can learn to tolerate discomfort.
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Itâs going to happen sooner or later; you catch your kid in a lie. But what do you do? Is it a teachable moment or a warning sign? In this episode we talk with Colleen Doyle Bryant (https://colleendoylebryant.com), the author the book âRooted in Decency: Finding Inner Peace In A World Gone Sideways.â
Weâll tackle the big questions: Why do kids lie? What are the 4 myths that parents buy into that cause kids to lie MORE? Whatâs the difference between calling kids out on a lie vs. punishing them for a lie? And whatâs the difference between punishment and consequence?
Finally, weâll unpack why shame never works and weâll reveal the single most effective phrase to help your child become a good person.
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Technology is not a âone size fits allâ proposition. Childrenâs developing brains process digital media differently at different stages. The challenge for parents is how to embrace their role as âgate keeperâ for younger children and then how to navigate into the role of âsupport systemâ as they get older.
In todayâs episode we talk with Dr. Katie Davis, (https://katiedavisresearch.com) psychologist and author of âTechnologyâs Child: Digital Media's Role in the Ages and Stages of Growing Upâ
Weâll discuss an effective two-step decision tool that will help you provide support across the full arc of your childâs development, from toddlers to young adults.
Weâll also talk about some of the fears that parents have today that technology can interfere with and disrupt an otherwise healthy attachment between parent and child and how to keep the lines of communication open to find out what your child is experiencing online (hint: no interrogation!)
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In even the most sex positive families, talking particularly about pornography can be tricky at best. In this episode we continue our conversation with Amy Lang (BirdsAndBeesAndKids.com), about how to talk to your children about this complicated subject.
Itâs important for parents to acknowledge that in todayâs culture, it is unrealistic to assume your children will never see pornography. The average age at which most children are exposed to porn is 9 years. In fact even 7-8 year olds have also probably seen it, but just arenât talking about it.
As uncomfortable as these statistics may be, it does no good to stick your head in the sand. The only way to deal with it is to develop a relationship based on honest communication. If you haven't already, you need to start talking to them about sex and sexuality so that they will talk to you about it.
Weâll discuss ways to talk to little kids about it, as well as tweens and teens. Weâll also provide other resources including book recommendations, what to do if you discover your child is watching porn and how to monitor and filter for porn on your childâs devices.
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Birds and bees. We all know what that stands for but why are we being so squeamish? In this episode we talk about talking about sex. Our guest today is parenting educator Amy Lang (www.birdsandbeesandkids.com) who walks us through how parents can overcome their reluctance to talk openly with their kids about sex and sexuality.
Some of the topics we cover are:
Whatâs the biggest mistake parents make in talking to their kids about sex? At what age should parents begin the discussion? What myths should parents stop buying into? What to do when your kid doesnât want to talk about it?Weâll also talk about some terms you may have already heard about: Non-binary, Queer, Cis-gender, Pansexual, Asexual, Bisexual and how do we handle all of this?
Finally, we begin the uncomfortable conversation about pornography and what parents can do and say to their kids about it. (This is the first part of this important discussion. Be sure to subscribe to our podcast so youâll know when the second part drops.)
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It may be hard to believe when you watch your one year old eat paste, but the truth is that each of these little beings comes into the world with so much competence. The ultimate challenge for parents is to trust them, to let them explore the world, to get out of their way and watch them unfold. But what does âgetting out of their wayâ look like?
Our guest today is trauma psychologist and best selling author Dr. L. Carol Scott Ph.D. (www.lcarolscott.com), who explains how current research suggests that by age 7 children have already established the relationship strategies they will take with them into adulthood. Weâll discuss what are the most significant âcanât missâ strategies for helping kids develop healthy relationships. Weâll also discuss whether parents should be worried that itâs too late and that theyâve ruined their children (spoiler alert: Donât worry. You havenât ruined your children!)
P.S. Email Dr. Scott ([email protected]) and receive a free summary of the techniques for encouraging self-awareness that we talk about in this episode.
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One of the more surprising things about being a parent is that we often wind up taking a hard look at our own parents. Most of the time we uncover the unremarkable truth that our parents were just ordinary, flawed people who loved us dearly and did their very best to raise us.
But sometimes we discover a darker truth: that one of our parents may have struggled with something more serious and that in turn we, as children, may have experienced real trauma at their hands.
In this episode we welcome as our guest psychologist Dr. Stephanie Kriesberg, (www.drstephaniekriesberg.com) who specializes in toxic relationships and anxiety disorders and is the author of the book, Adult Daughters of Narcissistic Mothers: Quiet the Critical Voice in Your Head, Heal Self-Doubt, and Live the Life You Deserve.
If you had/have a narcissistic parent, or just experienced a difficult parent, you can learn skills to break the cycle and not repeat the experiences with your own children. Weâll discuss what exactly is narcissism, how children are affected by this behavior, and how to quiet the relentless self-criticism that often afflicts children of narcissistic parents.
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The term âmindfulnessâ sometimes conjures visions of sitting in a lotus position and becoming one with the universe, to which most parents roll their eyes and think âSure, my kid canât find their homework, the dog threw up, the school bus is honking, I just burned breakfast, Iâm late for work and youâre telling me to take time to find my inner peace!â
Ironically, many stress relieving techniques backfire because they just add one more item to an already bursting to-do list. But mindfulness is much more accessible than weâve been led to think. Our guest today is Shonda Moralis (www.shondamoralis.net), psychotherapist and author of Donât Forget to Breathe: 5-Minute Mindfulness for Busy Women. Weâll be talking about effective ways to deal with the mental load of being a parent and how a simple five minute break can actually give you more time in your packed and stressful day
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In this wide ranging (and NSFW!) interview we talk with Dr. J.J. Kelly (www.drjjkelly.com), known as the âPunk Therapistâ, about raising resilient and emotionally intelligent children. Todayâs social media saturated landscape pushes several myths that hurt our children. Toxic positivity, relentless comparison, unquestioned patriarchy and a culture that routinely represses uncomfortable feelings all contribute to epidemic levels of stress and anxiety in our young people today.
Weâll talk about the benefits of DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy), how to expose our âgremlinsâ and what are the warning signs that it may be time to step in and reach out to a therapist.
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Today weâre discussing how to deal with your childâs growing sexual agency, and how to discuss consent and bodily autonomy without breaking out in a cold sweat (most of the time.)
Our guest is Dr. Laura McGuire (they/them, https://drlauramcguire.com/about.html) trauma-informed expert, activist and author of the new book, The Sexual Misconduct Prevention Guidebook, (https://www.amazon.com/dp/173794393X) who is sharing how parents can have this important conversation including key takeaways vital for any young adult.
So what exactly IS consent? And while most agree that we should talk to our kids about consent, few stop to think about âwhyâ. The bottom line is weâre giving our kids a life skill, not just a life line. The skills we teach about consent and boundaries are for a lifetime, not just until they get out of high school or college.
Despite a parentâs predictable anxiety, we want to be careful to avoid creating a climate of fear when talking about consent. To that end weâll talk about that sometimes heart stopping process as your âsweet little babyâ begins to assert their sexual agency. And weâll discuss practical ways parents can find the balance between two seemingly irreconcilable forces: how do I keep my kids safe and still give them bodily autonomy and confidence.
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The college application process is a multi-billion dollar industry that profits from fear, uncertainty and doubt. But there are ways to take back control of the process, or at the very least take the anxiety and stress out of it.
Our guest today is Tracy Schaffzin, a guidance counselor at The Clinton School in New York City. Weâll discuss ways to determine if college is even right for your child and if so, how to navigate the sometimes oversized feelings that go with finding the right fit.
Weâll offer techniques for dealing with your childâs feelings about the process, from calming the overachiever to motivating the apathetic teenager. Youâll hear about effective search strategies that keep your kidâs self-worth intact and avoid falling into the trap of wanting to only go to high profile ânameâ schools.
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Studies say that 1 in 3 kids between the ages of 13 and 18 will experience a diagnosable anxiety disorder. Moreover, diagnosed anxiety and depression in children 3 - 17 years old has risen significantly in the past 5 years.
So whatâs the difference between ânormalâ anxiety and an âanxiety disorderâ? And what can parents do? When thereâs ânormalâ anxiety, how do you validate the anxiety without communicating that there is actually something to be anxious about.
In this episode weâll discuss breaking the stigma of mental health issues and give parents some solid techniques to stay in dialogue with your child, remaining open, curious and non-judgmental.
Weâll talk about what it means to become an emotional mirror and how to talk to your kids about how they can reduce âmental loadâ to alleviate anxiety. Weâll also tackle the sometimes difficult decision about medication.
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Some people pride themselves on being âcolor-blindâ when it comes to race, but actually thereâs no such thing. In fact, studies show that kids are already noticing race by the age of 3 months and are making race based decisions shortly after. Our brains are wired to see race, so although it can be a sensitive subject, itâs important to take our heads out the sand and talk about it with our kids.
In this episode we welcome Deanna Singh, an expert in DEI and the author of the book âActions Speak Louder.â Youâll hear about the many ways to discuss diversity, equity and inclusion with your kids in a positive and constructive way while avoiding preaching or shaming.
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Money is an uncomfortable, emotionally charged topic for a lot of parents. In this episode, we discuss how to overcome this last taboo with Anthony Delauney, a financial planner and author of the new book, âDash and Nikki and the Jellybean Game.â
Youâll get practical advice on such sensitive topics as:
At what age should you start teaching your kids about money. Spend, save and give jars â what are they and what is their value? Should you even give an allowance and if so, should you tie allowance to chores? Credit / Debit cards â yes or no for tweens and teens?And what do you do when your kid wants to spend their money on something you donât agree with? Youâll hear solid tips on how to keep power struggles out of money issues by focusing on some key principles:
Patience, Collaboration, Compassion, Finding Win-win solutions -
As of 2020, guns are the leading cause of death among children in the United States. This horrific fact has placed American families in a no-win situation: how and when to talk about it with your kids.
In this episode we discuss how and when to talk to your kids about the epidemic of gun violence. Feelings of anger and despair are prevalent so you can assume your child has heard something, or at the very least, has picked up on feelings.
Like many sensitive subjects, the rules remain the same:
Open and keep open the door to communication. Keep it simple. Keep it truthful. Only answer the questions that you've been asked.
Since emotions about this topic obviously run high, itâs okay to show your feelings in moderation as long as you model recovery as well. You donât want your children feeling like they have to comfort you.
Finally, we suggest donating to organizations dedicated to countering gun violence like SandyHookPromise.org or Everytown.org
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