Episoder
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In todayâs episode, weâre uncovering a powerful strategy for stopping arguments before they even begin. Itâs all about recognizing that two perspectives can coexistâyours and your partnerâsâand that both can be valid, even if theyâre different. Too often, we get caught up in defending our experience as the only experience, but thereâs a deeper connection to be found when we make room for both truths.
In This Episode, Youâll Learn:
â˘Why so many arguments stem from a lack of curiosity about each otherâs experience
â˘The concept of âtwo truthsâ and how it can shift relationship dynamics
â˘A real-life example from Megâs own relationship that illustrates the power of this mindset
â˘Practical tips to help you stop an argument before it starts by listening without defending
Listen now and discover a new approach that can bring more understanding and closeness to your relationship!
â˘Connect with Meg on Instagram & Facebook
â˘Check out this previous episode on breaking the cycle of repetitive fights
If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe and leave a review! Your feedback helps me reach more people who want real, lasting connection in their relationships.
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In this episode, we dive into a crucial aspect of relationshipsâunderstanding the difference between reaction and response, or put another way, conscious action versus impulsive reaction. I break down what these terms really mean and how we often get caught up in reactions driven by our emotional triggers, which can lead to conflict and disconnection in our relationships.
We explore emotional triggers using a relatable analogy: triggers are like pressure cookersâbuilding over time until something small causes them to release all that pent-up pressure. I share my personal experience of being triggered in a conversation with my partner, and how understanding the underlying emotion helped me respond more thoughtfully.
Tune in as I offer five practical tips for recognizing when youâre reacting instead of responding, and how you can use that awareness to create more intentional and supportive interactions with your partner. If youâve ever found yourself feeling out of control in the heat of the moment, this episode is for you!
Key Points:
â˘The difference between reaction (emotion-driven) and response (awareness-driven)
â˘Understanding emotional triggers and the pressure cooker analogy
â˘My personal story of being triggered and how I learned from it
â˘Five practical steps to shift from reacting to responding in your relationship
â˘The importance of pausing, reflecting, and creating space between your emotions and your actions
Practical Tips:
1.Check Your Body â Notice physical signs of stress (tightness, clenching, racing heart).
2.Pause and Breathe â Practice breathing techniques to calm your nervous system.
3.Identify the Trigger â Ask yourself what just happened and why you feel this way.
4.Reflect Before Responding â Take time before responding to think clearly.
5.Practice Mindfulness â Incorporate habits like meditation and journaling to increase self-awareness.
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In this episode I dive into how our perceptions and the stories we create in our minds can control our behavior and reactions in relationships. Often, weâre not responding to whatâs actually happening but to the narrative weâve built around it. I share a personal example from my relationship with Walt, where I realized I was reacting to a story rather than what was happening in the moment. I'll explore how to recognize when youâre caught in a narrative, why releasing that story is essential for closeness, and how you can step back into the present moment with your partner. Iâll also share a few practical tips to help you break free from those stories and foster a deeper connection.
What Youâll Learn in This Episode:
â˘How the mind creates stories that distort reality.
â˘The impact these stories have on your behavior and reactions in relationships.
â˘How to recognize whether youâre reacting to a story or the present moment.
â˘Tips for letting go of your story to stay connected with your partner.
â˘Why releasing your own narrative is key to building closeness and trust.
Episode Highlights:
⢠A personal example from my relationship with Walt and how I realized I was reacting to a story, not reality.
⢠How to recognize the signs of being caught in a mental narrative.
â˘Tips to let go of your story and stay present with your partner.
Tune in and learn how to break free from the stories in your head and build a more present, connected relationship.
Are you ready to improve your relationship???
Click here to book a free discovery call, and we can talk about how you can begin TODAY!
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In this episode, Iâm sharing a personal story about a moment in my relationship that challenged me to rethink how I show up with affection and vulnerability. When Walt brought up how I was responding to his attempts for affection, my initial reaction was resistance and blame. Iâll walk you through the feelings that surfaced, how I realized my judgments were based on old memories and past fears, and the breakthrough that came from leaning into vulnerability.
Hereâs what weâll cover:
â˘The power of pausing and reflecting before reacting to your partner
â˘Why past fears can build walls in your current relationship
â˘How to shift from judgment to curiosity and openness
â˘The importance of being present and vulnerable to build trust and closeness
Youâll leave this episode with a new perspective on how your past experiences may be impacting your ability to connect with your partner, and how practicing presence and vulnerability can help rebuild trust and intimacy.
Listen now to learn how being present and vulnerable can lead to deeper connection in your relationship.
Key Highlights:
â˘The conversation with Walt that sparked this insight
â˘Why we often feel defensive when our partner asks for more
â˘How old memories can shape our present reactions
â˘What happens when we choose vulnerability over protection
If this resonates with you, and youâre ready to work on bringing more vulnerability and trust into your relationship, Iâd love to help. Letâs have a conversation about how coaching can support you.
Schedule a call with me:
https://MegLamm.as.me/Discovery
Connect with me on social:
Facebook Insta TikTok:
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In this episode of This Isnât Working, weâre diving into the idea of âunspoken agreementsâ in relationshipsâthose expectations we carry around in our minds without even realizing it. We explore how these unspoken agreements can create tension and frustration when our partners donât live up to the rules weâve set in our heads.
I share a personal story about how these unspoken expectations showed up in my own relationship and the surprising lessons I learned. Plus, Iâll give you practical tips on how to bring these expectations out into the open, communicate more effectively, and build a stronger connection with your partner.
What Youâll Learn:
â˘What unspoken agreements are and how they can silently undermine your relationship.
â˘The importance of recognizing and communicating your expectations.
â˘Real-life examples of how unspoken agreements can play out in relationships.
â˘Actionable strategies for breaking the cycle of frustration and fostering better communication.
Reflection Questions:
â˘What unspoken agreements might you be holding onto in your relationship?
â˘How have these expectations affected your interactions with your partner?
â˘What steps can you take to communicate your needs and expectations more clearly?
Reboot your Relationship...
â˘Join the webinar Saturday, September 21st
Connect with Me:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/meg.r.lamm
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/meg_lamm1/
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@meg.lamm?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc
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In this episode of This Isnât Working, we explore the power of turning your focus inward when you find yourself reacting to your partner. Meg shares a personal story about a recent experience with her partner, Walt, where she found herself caught up in trying to control an external situation which really had nothing to do with her feelings.
Instead of continuing the cycle of reactivity, she realized the importance of shifting her attention back to herself, where she has control over her emotions and responses. This episode dives into how old patterns and stories from the past can trigger unnecessary stress and conflict in relationshipsâand how you can break free from that loop by taking responsibility for your own feelings.
**Key Takeaways:**
- How focusing on external factors (like your partnerâs actions) can increase stress and anxiety.
- The benefits of turning inward and taking responsibility for your own emotions.
- How past experiences can create stories that drive reactivity, and how to recognize when this is happening.
- Practical questions you can ask yourself to shift from reacting to reflecting.
**Reflection Questions:**
To help you on your journey of self-awareness, here are some key reflection questions mentioned in this episode:
1. What am I feeling right now, and why?
2. What part of this situation is triggering me?
3. What story am I telling myself about my partnerâs actions?
4. Am I making assumptions about my partnerâs intentions?
5. How can I show understanding or compassion in this moment?
**Download the Full List of Reflection Questions:**
Want to dive deeper? Click here to download the full list of reflection questions to help you turn inward and take control of your emotional responses.
**Listen & Subscribe:**
If you enjoyed this episode, make sure to subscribe to *This Isnât Working* on Apple, Spotify, or wherever you listen to podcasts. Donât forget to leave a review and share this episode with someone who might benefit from it!
**Follow Me on Social for More Tips & Suggestions!**
https://www.facebook.com/meg.r.lamm
https://www.instagram.com/meg_lamm1/
https://www.tiktok.com/@meg.lamm?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc
**Join the Conversation:**
Have thoughts on this episode? I'd love to hear from you! Join the conversation by leaving a comment below or connecting with me on social media.
Thanks for tuning in, and remember, you have the power to control your own emotions and choose your responses.
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In this week's episode I dive into a common, yet rarely discussed, issue in long-term relationships: the loneliness and isolation that can arise even (or maybe especially) after years of being together.
Episode Highlights:The Trap of "Should": We explore how the tendency to behave in ways we think we "should" or that are "good" for others can lead us away from our true selves. This disconnection from authenticity is a major contributor to feeling lonely in a relationship.
People-Pleasing and Boundaries: Learn how actions driven by obligation, people-pleasing, or an inability to say "no" can create a barrier between who we really are and who our partners think we are. When we sacrifice our true selves, we compromise our emotional intimacy and connection.
The Illusion of Connection: Discover how our partners may unknowingly fall in love with our behaviors rather than our true selves, leading to a sense of loneliness and disconnection.
The Role of Integrity: We discuss the importance of integrity in relationshipsâacting in alignment with who we truly are rather than manipulating situations, even unintentionally, to control the reactions of others.
What to Do: This episode offers practical suggestions for how to reconnect with your authentic self and bring that into your relationship, creating a deeper, more genuine connection with your partner.
Want More Tips & Suggestions? Follow Me on Socail!!Facebook Instagram TikTok
Subscribe & Review:If you enjoy the show, subscribe, follow and leave a review :-)
Your feedback helps me reach more people who need to hear this message!
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Continuing on their quest for an inspiring relationship, Meg and Walt run into a pattern that leaves both unfulfilled. See how they maneuver through the patterns and have a luxurious weekend together.
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OK. So we've proven to each other that we have built up a system that can handle the triggers and whatever else gets in the way of loving each other. So now what? How do Meg and Walt present themselves to each other if there's nothing to fix? It's a little like being empty nesters. So now what? Listen in to hear how two people try to live fun and inspiration with each other.
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In this episode, Meg and Walt show what it's like when - for Meg - another woman connects with Walt in a way that he needs, and -for Walt - another man gives Meg something she is really seeking. What to do? How to stay centered? ... Listen to find out how they handle themselves through the emotions that pop up.
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What happens when one person in a relationship really takes time for herself on a vacation, while her partner is home living the normal life? Meg was with her children on the Atlantic and she really wanted to be present to them and give herself the space she felt she needed. Was Walt big enough to handle the separation? Hmmmm.
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Meg and Walt found that they could enjoy a holiday of 22 hours, once Walt dropped his expectations of what that was supposed to look like.
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When the person you love is exploding in front of you at something she/he says you did, it's time to take a look at your contribution to the blow-up. This episode gives a method to take some of the pain away from what causes these whirling emotions and most importantly, how to understand what is actually going on inside of us to cause these emotional exchanges.
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When we try to manager each other, there will always be an emotional fallout. In this episode we ran into some high emotions - publicly - but we learned what touched it off, and we learned that it made our love deeper.
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In this episode, we take some time to say what IS working between. We explain why we commit to bettering the relationship and going through all the effort that we talk about in the other episodes. This is a celebration of each other and our love for each other.
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"Why Bother" with telling the person you love what is bothering you, and mostly, what the other person is doing that bothers YOU! In this episode, Meg and Walt share some of the misconceptions or false beliefs each had about the other and how they finally brought them out to the other. They agreed that it was always worth the bother.
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Who's Driving the Bus? Sometimes I can catch myself before I respond in a way that has nothing to do with what's actually going on. Other times I have to admit that someone else was driving, hurt feelings from a memory or a misinterpretation or assumption of what my partner actually meant or did. And then I have to ask, "Who is driving my bus?"
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Thinking "Outside the Box" means to STOP defending patterns that are detrimental to the kind of intimacy that you really want. If you you want a deep connection with the other, we must stop the patterns that have prevented intimacy in the past. The patterns that we so easily fall into are the exact things that block us from having what we want. STOP trying to defend yourself. Use the opportunity to create a new pattern. It means acknowledging what we need to change. That's where the magic begins. That's when you can start creating what it is you do want.
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Small things become big with hurt feelings. A date goes wrong - ends early - but we don't risk being vulnerable about ending the date. So, the tension goes on until we do risk.
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In this episode, we discuss what it's like to be disappointed in the other's choices. Although we are honest and vulnerable enough to admit we wish things worked out the way we first wanted, we also admit that what we really want is that each person feels supported and accepted. When one person in the relationship cannot provide what the other wants, how do you come to a resolution that works for both?
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