Episoder
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Nate and I celebrated 8 years together yesterday, and I wanted to take some time to reflect on what I’ve learned in our time together. The 8 lessons I explore in more detail are:
The more we resist feeling “bad”—the more we suffer. The more we accept feeling “bad”—the sooner it will come and goIt’s much easier to look at the ways our partner is lacking than to turn inward and see our own shortcomingsDon’t sweep things under the rug, but don’t spend excessive time thinking and thinking and thinking about them eitherMake the unspoken spokenTrust that your partner has positive or neutral intentions–they are not trying to hurt youWedding planning doesn’t have to be stressful or magical, it can be whatever you make it.The messy, boring, hard moments don’t make it to someone’s social media page 99% of the time—but they’re part of being human.Instead of trying to “be more loving” to others—be compassionate towards the barriers in your heart. This in and of itself is an act of love and will help you softenAdditional resources:
Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access)Join the You Love and You Learn Patreon community Visit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram -
I am so excited to bring you this conversation with Dr. Courtney Paré, a licensed naturopathic doctor, holistic anxiety coach, speaker, and author. Courtney empowers those facing anxiety and OCD to experience greater peace and confidence in their lives and relationships, and just published her first book Overcoming Relationship Anxiety!
I had a chance to read the book and it’s fantastic. I know this resource and the wisdom Courtney shares in this episode will be useful for anyone who experiences relationship anxiety.
For more of Courtney’s work:
Get Overcoming Relationship Anxiety hereCheck out her website hereAdditional resources:
Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access)Join the You Love and You Learn Patreon community Visit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram -
Manglende episoder?
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I can’t believe we’re already at episode 100 of this podcast! After sitting down with 50 guests, there were many lessons learned about love that I wanted to recap and share–so I went back and listened to the final question I ask all guests; “what is one thing you have learned about love that you want to leave listeners with?”
I found that there were 7 key categories of these lessons, so I went more into depth about each one and am sharing the key ideas from my wise guests over the last couple years.
The 7 key categories were:
Love is a choice, commitment, action, and something you buildEmbrace your unique relationship and unique partner, your love does not have to be one-size-fits allLove is something we can create from within, if we are blocked from our inner love it may be due to fearSelf-love and building a relationship with yourself helps you relate to othersLove is not always easy, but it’s rewarding, nourishing, and worth itLove is quiet and stable, not a rollercoasterLove and relating to others means communicating openly and staying curious about your partner as the relationship evolvesTo those who have listened to the podcast–THANK YOU!! Cheers to the next 100 episodes.
Additional resources:
Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access)Join the You Love and You Learn Patreon community Visit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram -
In this episode I am back with past guest, Ela Topcuoglu, who is a Life Transition Coach that helps us intentionally move through life’s big milestone moments (that can often be challenging for someone with anxiety). Things like moving in together, getting engaged, a breakup, changing jobs, or looking ahead to marriage.
One stage of transitions in particular, the limbo stage (in between the old life and the new) can be particularly uncomfortable and confusing, so Ela is back to explore:
A quick refresher on the three phases of transition and why limbo is so pivotalWhat the limbo stage is and why it can feel harder than expectedCommon mistakes people make when navigating identity shifts during transitionsHow to intentionally approach the uncertainty of the limbo phaseThe hidden blessings of this stage that often go unnoticedIf you’ve ever felt stuck between where you were and where you’re going, this episode is for you!
For more of Ela’s work:
Check our her Limbo worksheet hereCheck out her website here Check out her Instagram hereAdditional resources:
Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access)Join the You Love and You Learn Patreon community Visit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram -
In this episode, I sit down with Lily Sais, a former school psychologist turned registered Three Principles practitioner, whose journey has taken her from anxiety to a place of peace. Lily is passionate about helping others uncover the peace that already lies within them, beneath anxious thoughts (the peace that already lies within…LOVE!)
We cover:
Why it’s important to stop focusing on what’s wrong with youWhy seeking more information is not always usefulHow we can release the need to think and do more An analogy of anxious thoughts like a snow globe Lily’s powerful definition of love…and more!
For more of Lily’s work:
https://www.peace-from-within.com/pfwcommunity
https://www.instagram.com/_peacefromwithin/
Additional resources:
Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access)Join the You Love and You Learn Patreon community Visit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram -
Over the years, there is a recurring ‘theme’ that brings up discomfort for me within my relationship, and that is when things feel boring or mundane. It used to really freak me out, and I would jump to thinking I had to go find a more exciting partner or relationship.
I still have these moments of judging the boredom, but when I pause to reflect further, I see things a little differently now: as a chance to pour into my life more intentionally, vs. placing the relationship or Nate on a pedestal.
In this episode, I explore how I am setting intentions this winter to intentionally show up for myself and nurture 3 key areas:
My inner lifeMy valuesMy personal interestsThese are 3 key areas that Robert Johnson shares in his book (We: Understanding the Psychology of Romantic Love) to take the projection off our partner to complete us and make us whole. Excited to share this with you so you can take the time to reflect on these key areas, too!
Additional resources:
Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access)Join the You Love and You Learn Patreon community Visit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram -
This is a long overdue episode to explore signs of what an abusive relationship is and isn’t. I often give the disclaimer “my work does not apply to abusive relationships” and wanted to have a licensed therapist explain the types of abuse so people are aware.
And who better than Dr. Molly Burrets, a licensed clinical psychologist based in Los Angeles with 15 years of experience practicing psychotherapy, conducting research, and teaching at the undergraduate and graduate levels.
In the episode, we mentioned resources for people experiencing abuse in an intimate relationship:
peaceoverviolence.org
Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network (RAINN) – 800.656.HOPE (4673)
National Domestic Violence Hotline – 800.799.SAFE (7233), 800.787.3224 TDD
Books:
The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize It and How to Respond
by Patricia Evans
The Dance of Anger: A Woman’s Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships
by Harriet Lerner
The Emotionally Abused Woman: Overcoming Destructive Patterns and Reclaiming Yourself
by Beverly Engel
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma
by Bessel van der Kolk
For more of Molly’s work, check out:
www.drmollyburrets.com
www.instagram.com/drmollyburrets
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In this episode, I unpack the phrase “when you know you know” and how I used to take this phrase very literally, which caused a lot of anxiety and pressure on me. I deconstruct what it actually means to ‘know’ something or have ‘knowledge’, as well as the characteristics of someone who is more likely to ‘know’ something within their relationship or life.
If you’ve ever heard someone say they “just knew” their partner was the one and felt crappy about it (“what do they know, and how do they know it?!”) – this episode is for you!
Additional resources:
Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access)Join the You Love and You Learn Patreon community Visit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram -
Does it feel like you’re doing all the ‘right’ things but you’re still not happy? Does it feel like everyone around you seems to be happier than you, and you feel so guilty about it?
What if this wasn’t a flaw or something you’re doing wrong – and we have been getting happiness wrong all along? In this episode, I sat down with Stephanie Harrison of @newhappyco to explore what happiness is and isn’t, and how we can take small steps to become more happy and fulfilled in our lives.
For more of Stephanie and New Happy, check out: www.thenewhappy.com
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Additional resources:
Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access)Join the You Love and You Learn Patreon community Visit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram -
In this episode, MJ and I discuss why lowering the bar in your life and relationship might actually be a good thing. No, this isn’t about settling or letting go of standards. It’s about moving forward without beating yourself up for every imperfection along the way, and taking small intentional actions instead of waiting for everything to perfectly line up before you can move forward.
This is the permission slip I’ve needed for so many years, and I know it will feel like a breath of fresh air!
For more of MJ’s work:
The Perfectionist's Guide to Taking Action on Creative Ideas audio classSign up for the Internet People newsletter hereCheck out her Instgaram–
Additional resources:
Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access)Join the You Love and You Learn Patreon community Visit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram -
In this episode, I explore the common struggle of wanting anxiety to disappear and how this often makes the anxiety feel even stronger. Many people ask, “Why is my anxiety still here even after I’ve tried all the tools?” – let's discuss a helpful shift in mindset that can transform your relationship with it.
I cover:
The nature of anxiety and why resisting it can make it feel strongerHow to reframe your motivation behind coping tools and strategies Why viewing anxiety as a "roommate" rather than a "guest” can lead to a more peaceful coexistence…and more!
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Additional resources:
Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access)Join the You Love and You Learn Patreon community Visit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram -
I’ve never done this before, but today I am bringing you a training from my Patreon membership to the podcast to show you a peek into the types of trainings we have every month!
This month’s topic: wanting to stay in your relationship, but knowing you want things to be better or different, too.
If you want to dive into a library of trainings like this, and connect with 300+ others on a journey to become more secure…
Join the You Love and You Learn Patreon community
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Additional resources:
Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access)Join the You Love and You Learn Patreon community Visit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram -
In this episode, Chelsea and I dive into the idea that true relationship strength often comes from embracing differences rather than being exactly the same.
We cover:
Chelsea’s journey of overcoming internalized beliefs that partners must think alikeHow she learned to appreciate her husband's contrasting qualitiesHow differences can nurture a deeper love, personal growth, and a more expansive understanding of what it means to truly connect with someone…and more
For more of Chelsea’s work
Website: www.healingembodied.com
IG & TikTok: @healing.embodied
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Additional resources:
Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access)Visit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram -
It can feel so painful to be disconnected from your partner. I get it, because I’ve had a few of these moments myself recently! Let’s talk about it.
In this episode, I share:
Recent examples when Nate and I felt disconnectedWhy it feels so painful to be disconnected from your partner 5 ways to respond next time you’re disconnected 7 helpful mindsets around disconnection + connection to help you feel more empowered–
Additional resources:
Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access)Visit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram -
This episode focuses on healing anxiety from the inside out. And who better to speak to than Alison Seponara – therapist, anxiety educator, holistic healer, and author who specializes in helping others create their own holistic anxiety healing toolkit!
Anxiety can come from many different pillars of our life; our friendships, our physical health and wellbeing, our relational attachment dynamics, our mental patterns, and so much more. Alison and I cover each of these topics and offer bite-sized tips to healing anxiety.
For more of Alison’s work:
Alison’s website
Alison’s books
Alison’s Instagram
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Additional resources:
Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access)Visit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram -
You are in for a TREAT with this episode, which truly felt like a therapy session for me. I sat down with Thais Gibson who has over a decade working as a practitioner and specializes in blending attachment theory, psychology, and subconscious reprogramming.
We discuss what Thais refers to as the “relationship shadow” and explore why our partners can be so dang triggering (it’s not what you think!) and how to navigate these triggers more mindfully.
For more about Thais, check out:
Website: https://university.personaldevelopmentschool.com/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool
Learning Love book: https://attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com/learning-love
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thepersonaldevelopmentschool/
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Additional resources:
Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access)Visit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram -
Have you ever felt like you were not going “fast enough” in your journey to heal relationship anxiety or ROCD? Maybe you’ve seen other people share their wins and felt like you’re just not getting it. It’s easy to beat ourselves up when we compare to other people’s highlight reels–but today I am peeling back the curtain of what healing relationship anxiety actually looks like.
Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here!
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Montage Fallacy article by Herbert Lui
Additional resources:
Join Deconstruct the Doubts digital course here (instant + lifetime access)Click here to join the waitlist for the next cohort of Beyond the Doubts group coachingDownload the free video training: The Single Most Important Lesson in Healing Relationship AnxietyVisit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram -
If you are the partner of someone with relationship anxiety, this episode is for you.
If you have relationship anxiety and want to be able to ask your partner for more intentional support, this episode is for you!
Thank you to the help of the You Love and You Learn community on Instagram for this episode. I received dozens of answers to the question “how does your partner help you navigate relationship anxiety?” to influence this episode.
I cover:
How to help a partner with relationship anxietyWhat to say and what not to say when they’re in an anxiety spikeSetting boundaries to protect your own energy Is giving reassurance helpful, or not?…and more
PS–the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit is LIVE! You can get it here.
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Additional resources:
Join Deconstruct the Doubts digital course here (instant + lifetime access)Click here to join the waitlist for the next cohort of Beyond the Doubts group coachingDownload the free video training: The Single Most Important Lesson in Healing Relationship AnxietyVisit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram -
If you have ever felt like your healthy relationship is boring and the “vibes are off” – this episode is for you! I sat down with Dr. Morgan Anderson, a clinical psychologist, relationship coach, and host of the “Let’s Get Vulnerable” podcast.
In this episode we discuss:
Why Morgan rejected, sabotaged, and avoided available love for so longWhat emotional availability looks like What happens when we prioritize vibes, spark, chemistry3 reasons why we sabotage healthy relationships…and more.
For more of Morgan’s work, check out:
Her Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drmorgancoaching/
Her free resource: Www.drmorgancoaching.com/gift
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If you’re loving the podcast…
JOIN THE YOU LOVE AND YOU LEARN PATREON COMMUNITY FOR $7/month.
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Additional resources:
Join Deconstruct the Doubts digital course here (instant + lifetime access)Click here to join the waitlist for the next cohort of Beyond the Doubts group coachingDownload the free video training: The Single Most Important Lesson in Healing Relationship AnxietyVisit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram -
I loved this conversation because time and time again this comes up in the work I do with clients (and it was a pattern in my own relationship). I sat down with Charisse Cooke, who is a London-based relationship psychotherapist with over 20 years experience. She helps individuals, couples and groups develop relationship skills and define love in a way that has meaning for them.
In this episode we discuss:
what love addiction is and how we can take the thrill of the chase to extremeswhat happens when we put our partner on a pedestal and have an idealized version of themthe question “do I love them, or am I just attached?”what love is and what love isn’t so we can be more mindfulhow our expectations and past traumas create certain patterns on our relationship…and more.
For more of Charisse’s work, check out:
Her Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/charissecooke/
Her website: www.charissecooke.com
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If you’re loving the podcast…
JOIN THE YOU LOVE AND YOU LEARN PATREON COMMUNITY FOR $7/month.
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Additional resources:
Join Deconstruct the Doubts digital course here (instant + lifetime access)Click here to join the waitlist for the next cohort of Beyond the Doubts group coachingDownload the free video training: The Single Most Important Lesson in Healing Relationship AnxietyVisit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram - Vis mere
