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In todayâs episode, I sat down with Alena Winter, a clinical Naturopath and Nutritionist in New Zealand who is passionate about helping people understand true foundations of health and the things we need in place to be well. The good news? Many of these pillars of health are simple, accessible, and low costâyet they can make a world of a difference in how we feel on a day to day basis.
We discuss:
What the nervous system is and how it influences us (Alenaâs explanation is so simple!)Why is it important to begin to understand our window of tolerance, and how to know if weâve gone outside of itWhy nervous system awareness helps us as individuals Why nervous system awareness helps our relationshipsHow we can co-regulate with other people in our lives Tools to support your nervous system in the day to day and in relationshipsFor more of Alenaâs work, check out:
Her free nervous system regulation guide: https://alenawinter.co.nz/free-regulation-guide
Her Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/alenawinternaturalhealth
Additional resources:
Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access)Join the You Love and You Learn Patreon community Visit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram -
Have you ever felt pressure to âjust be gratefulâ? Maybe you have sat down to write a gratitude list before, but it took you a while to think of things about your life, your relationship, your partnerâand you felt guilty about it; âshouldnât I be more grateful?!â
In this weekâs episode, I sit down with Karden Rabin, nervous system expert to explore a new perspective on gratitude that will (hopefully) help you feel way less pressure and approach it from a more compassionate lens. This was a big shift for me when I first heard Karden explain it, and I am grateful for him sharing with the You Love and You Learn community!
For more of Kardenâs work:
His website: www.somiainternational.com
His Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/kardenrabin/?hl=en
Somia International Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/somiainternational/?hl=en
Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access)Join the You Love and You Learn Patreon community Visit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram
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Having a strong mindset in relationships can be a big game-changer. Our mindset affects the way we think, feel, and behaveâso it makes a big difference if we come from a mindset of âwhy bother?â (victim mindset) or âI canât change anywayâ (fixed mindset) as compared to a mindset of âI can influence my life and relationship (creator mindset) or âI am not there yetâbut I am getting thereâ (growth mindset).
And this January, I am going to be focused on helping you strengthen your relationship mindset! Strengthening my mindset has helped me go from feeling stuck and helpless to empowered and confident in my relationship. (No, not 100% of the time, not perfectlyâbut enough to make a difference!)
Todayâs episode gives you an exciting sneak-peek into Day 1 of my upcoming 7-Day Challenge: Strengthening Your Relationship Mindset in 2025. The challenge is taking place inside the You Love and You Learn Patreon membership, and you can join here for just $7/month!
Join the Patreon here: https://www.patreon.com/YouLoveandYouLearn
Additional resources:
Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access)Visit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram -
Nate and I celebrated 8 years together yesterday, and I wanted to take some time to reflect on what Iâve learned in our time together. The 8 lessons I explore in more detail are:
The more we resist feeling âbadââthe more we suffer. The more we accept feeling âbadââthe sooner it will come and goItâs much easier to look at the ways our partner is lacking than to turn inward and see our own shortcomingsDonât sweep things under the rug, but donât spend excessive time thinking and thinking and thinking about them eitherMake the unspoken spokenTrust that your partner has positive or neutral intentionsâthey are not trying to hurt youWedding planning doesnât have to be stressful or magical, it can be whatever you make it.The messy, boring, hard moments donât make it to someoneâs social media page 99% of the timeâbut theyâre part of being human.Instead of trying to âbe more lovingâ to othersâbe compassionate towards the barriers in your heart. This in and of itself is an act of love and will help you softenAdditional resources:
Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access)Join the You Love and You Learn Patreon community Visit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram -
I am so excited to bring you this conversation with Dr. Courtney Paré, a licensed naturopathic doctor, holistic anxiety coach, speaker, and author. Courtney empowers those facing anxiety and OCD to experience greater peace and confidence in their lives and relationships, and just published her first book Overcoming Relationship Anxiety!
I had a chance to read the book and itâs fantastic. I know this resource and the wisdom Courtney shares in this episode will be useful for anyone who experiences relationship anxiety.
For more of Courtneyâs work:
Get Overcoming Relationship Anxiety hereCheck out her website hereAdditional resources:
Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access)Join the You Love and You Learn Patreon community Visit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram -
I canât believe weâre already at episode 100 of this podcast! After sitting down with 50 guests, there were many lessons learned about love that I wanted to recap and shareâso I went back and listened to the final question I ask all guests; âwhat is one thing you have learned about love that you want to leave listeners with?â
I found that there were 7 key categories of these lessons, so I went more into depth about each one and am sharing the key ideas from my wise guests over the last couple years.
The 7 key categories were:
Love is a choice, commitment, action, and something you buildEmbrace your unique relationship and unique partner, your love does not have to be one-size-fits allLove is something we can create from within, if we are blocked from our inner love it may be due to fearSelf-love and building a relationship with yourself helps you relate to othersLove is not always easy, but itâs rewarding, nourishing, and worth itLove is quiet and stable, not a rollercoasterLove and relating to others means communicating openly and staying curious about your partner as the relationship evolvesTo those who have listened to the podcastâTHANK YOU!! Cheers to the next 100 episodes.
Additional resources:
Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access)Join the You Love and You Learn Patreon community Visit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram -
In this episode I am back with past guest, Ela Topcuoglu, who is a Life Transition Coach that helps us intentionally move through lifeâs big milestone moments (that can often be challenging for someone with anxiety). Things like moving in together, getting engaged, a breakup, changing jobs, or looking ahead to marriage.
One stage of transitions in particular, the limbo stage (in between the old life and the new) can be particularly uncomfortable and confusing, so Ela is back to explore:
A quick refresher on the three phases of transition and why limbo is so pivotalWhat the limbo stage is and why it can feel harder than expectedCommon mistakes people make when navigating identity shifts during transitionsHow to intentionally approach the uncertainty of the limbo phaseThe hidden blessings of this stage that often go unnoticedIf youâve ever felt stuck between where you were and where youâre going, this episode is for you!
For more of Elaâs work:
Check our her Limbo worksheet hereCheck out her website here Check out her Instagram hereAdditional resources:
Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access)Join the You Love and You Learn Patreon community Visit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram -
In this episode, I sit down with Lily Sais, a former school psychologist turned registered Three Principles practitioner, whose journey has taken her from anxiety to a place of peace. Lily is passionate about helping others uncover the peace that already lies within them, beneath anxious thoughts (the peace that already lies withinâŠLOVE!)
We cover:
Why itâs important to stop focusing on whatâs wrong with youWhy seeking more information is not always usefulHow we can release the need to think and do more An analogy of anxious thoughts like a snow globe Lilyâs powerful definition of loveâŠand more!
For more of Lilyâs work:
https://www.peace-from-within.com/pfwcommunity
https://www.instagram.com/_peacefromwithin/
Additional resources:
Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access)Join the You Love and You Learn Patreon community Visit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram -
Over the years, there is a recurring âthemeâ that brings up discomfort for me within my relationship, and that is when things feel boring or mundane. It used to really freak me out, and I would jump to thinking I had to go find a more exciting partner or relationship.
I still have these moments of judging the boredom, but when I pause to reflect further, I see things a little differently now: as a chance to pour into my life more intentionally, vs. placing the relationship or Nate on a pedestal.
In this episode, I explore how I am setting intentions this winter to intentionally show up for myself and nurture 3 key areas:
My inner lifeMy valuesMy personal interestsThese are 3 key areas that Robert Johnson shares in his book (We: Understanding the Psychology of Romantic Love) to take the projection off our partner to complete us and make us whole. Excited to share this with you so you can take the time to reflect on these key areas, too!
Additional resources:
Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access)Join the You Love and You Learn Patreon community Visit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram -
This is a long overdue episode to explore signs of what an abusive relationship is and isnât. I often give the disclaimer âmy work does not apply to abusive relationshipsâ and wanted to have a licensed therapist explain the types of abuse so people are aware.
And who better than Dr. Molly Burrets, a licensed clinical psychologist based in Los Angeles with 15 years of experience practicing psychotherapy, conducting research, and teaching at the undergraduate and graduate levels.
In the episode, we mentioned resources for people experiencing abuse in an intimate relationship:
peaceoverviolence.org
Rape, Abuse, Incest National Network (RAINN) â 800.656.HOPE (4673)
National Domestic Violence Hotline â 800.799.SAFE (7233), 800.787.3224 TDD
Books:
The Verbally Abusive Relationship: How to Recognize It and How to Respond
by Patricia Evans
The Dance of Anger: A Womanâs Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships
by Harriet Lerner
The Emotionally Abused Woman: Overcoming Destructive Patterns and Reclaiming Yourself
by Beverly Engel
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma
by Bessel van der Kolk
For more of Mollyâs work, check out:
www.drmollyburrets.com
www.instagram.com/drmollyburrets
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In this episode, I unpack the phrase âwhen you know you knowâ and how I used to take this phrase very literally, which caused a lot of anxiety and pressure on me. I deconstruct what it actually means to âknowâ something or have âknowledgeâ, as well as the characteristics of someone who is more likely to âknowâ something within their relationship or life.
If youâve ever heard someone say they âjust knewâ their partner was the one and felt crappy about it (âwhat do they know, and how do they know it?!â) â this episode is for you!
Additional resources:
Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access)Join the You Love and You Learn Patreon community Visit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram -
Does it feel like youâre doing all the ârightâ things but youâre still not happy? Does it feel like everyone around you seems to be happier than you, and you feel so guilty about it?
What if this wasnât a flaw or something youâre doing wrong â and we have been getting happiness wrong all along? In this episode, I sat down with Stephanie Harrison of @newhappyco to explore what happiness is and isnât, and how we can take small steps to become more happy and fulfilled in our lives.
For more of Stephanie and New Happy, check out: www.thenewhappy.com
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Additional resources:
Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access)Join the You Love and You Learn Patreon community Visit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram -
In this episode, MJ and I discuss why lowering the bar in your life and relationship might actually be a good thing. No, this isnât about settling or letting go of standards. Itâs about moving forward without beating yourself up for every imperfection along the way, and taking small intentional actions instead of waiting for everything to perfectly line up before you can move forward.
This is the permission slip Iâve needed for so many years, and I know it will feel like a breath of fresh air!
For more of MJâs work:
The Perfectionist's Guide to Taking Action on Creative Ideas audio classSign up for the Internet People newsletter hereCheck out her Instgaramâ
Additional resources:
Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access)Join the You Love and You Learn Patreon community Visit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram -
In this episode, I explore the common struggle of wanting anxiety to disappear and how this often makes the anxiety feel even stronger. Many people ask, âWhy is my anxiety still here even after Iâve tried all the tools?â â let's discuss a helpful shift in mindset that can transform your relationship with it.
I cover:
The nature of anxiety and why resisting it can make it feel strongerHow to reframe your motivation behind coping tools and strategies Why viewing anxiety as a "roommate" rather than a "guestâ can lead to a more peaceful coexistenceâŠand more!
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Additional resources:
Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access)Join the You Love and You Learn Patreon community Visit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram -
Iâve never done this before, but today I am bringing you a training from my Patreon membership to the podcast to show you a peek into the types of trainings we have every month!
This monthâs topic: wanting to stay in your relationship, but knowing you want things to be better or different, too.
If you want to dive into a library of trainings like this, and connect with 300+ others on a journey to become more secureâŠ
Join the You Love and You Learn Patreon community
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Additional resources:
Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access)Join the You Love and You Learn Patreon community Visit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram -
In this episode, Chelsea and I dive into the idea that true relationship strength often comes from embracing differences rather than being exactly the same.
We cover:
Chelseaâs journey of overcoming internalized beliefs that partners must think alikeHow she learned to appreciate her husband's contrasting qualitiesHow differences can nurture a deeper love, personal growth, and a more expansive understanding of what it means to truly connect with someoneâŠand more
For more of Chelseaâs work
Website: www.healingembodied.com
IG & TikTok: @healing.embodied
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Additional resources:
Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access)Visit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram -
It can feel so painful to be disconnected from your partner. I get it, because Iâve had a few of these moments myself recently! Letâs talk about it.
In this episode, I share:
Recent examples when Nate and I felt disconnectedWhy it feels so painful to be disconnected from your partner 5 ways to respond next time youâre disconnected 7 helpful mindsets around disconnection + connection to help you feel more empoweredâ
Additional resources:
Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access)Visit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram -
This episode focuses on healing anxiety from the inside out. And who better to speak to than Alison Seponara â therapist, anxiety educator, holistic healer, and author who specializes in helping others create their own holistic anxiety healing toolkit!
Anxiety can come from many different pillars of our life; our friendships, our physical health and wellbeing, our relational attachment dynamics, our mental patterns, and so much more. Alison and I cover each of these topics and offer bite-sized tips to healing anxiety.
For more of Alisonâs work:
Alisonâs website
Alisonâs books
Alisonâs Instagram
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Additional resources:
Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access)Visit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram -
You are in for a TREAT with this episode, which truly felt like a therapy session for me. I sat down with Thais Gibson who has over a decade working as a practitioner and specializes in blending attachment theory, psychology, and subconscious reprogramming.
We discuss what Thais refers to as the ârelationship shadowâ and explore why our partners can be so dang triggering (itâs not what you think!) and how to navigate these triggers more mindfully.
For more about Thais, check out:
Website: https://university.personaldevelopmentschool.com/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool
Learning Love book: https://attachment.personaldevelopmentschool.com/learning-love
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/thepersonaldevelopmentschool/
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Additional resources:
Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here! (instant + lifetime access)Visit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram -
Have you ever felt like you were not going âfast enoughâ in your journey to heal relationship anxiety or ROCD? Maybe youâve seen other people share their wins and felt like youâre just not getting it. Itâs easy to beat ourselves up when we compare to other peopleâs highlight reelsâbut today I am peeling back the curtain of what healing relationship anxiety actually looks like.
Get the Relationship Anxiety Toolkit here!
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Montage Fallacy article by Herbert Lui
Additional resources:
Join Deconstruct the Doubts digital course here (instant + lifetime access)Click here to join the waitlist for the next cohort of Beyond the Doubts group coachingDownload the free video training: The Single Most Important Lesson in Healing Relationship AnxietyVisit my websiteConnect with me on Instagram - Vis mere
