Episodes
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Kick Your Acting Career in Gear
Okay, so today's podcast is motivated by someone writing to me, wanting to me to talk a little bit about nepo babies, nepotism.
Of course, I'm going to say that nepotism and keeping the focus on yourself is the key.
The focus because there's nothing you can do about somebody else is, birthrights or relatives, but you can do something about keeping the focus on yourself because that is your birthright.
So my wonderful listener gave me this topic and she asked what my take on nepo babies and their advantages and disadvantages are in booking roles or projects.
Again, what I would say is this is not something that you can control. And I talk about this in terms of the serenity prayer.
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.
Courage to change the things I can. And wisdom to know the difference.
And what that means for me is to grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change. Means I cannot change. Make your ears grow bigger.
Or control other people, places, things, or situations.
So whether I'm going up for a role where there is someone's famous relative going up for the role, As well, that is not something I can change or control.
Courage to change the things I can. I can only change, manage, or handle myself, my attitudes, my thoughts, and my actions.
My focus on that audition, regardless of who else is up for it.
And wisdom to know the difference. Wisdom, my favorite word in the American language.
Wisdom to know the difference. And that wisdom is the ability to know what I cannot control, which is other people, places, and things. And I can't change that either.
And what I can change, manage, handle, which is myself, my attitudes, my thoughts, and my actions. So the ability to differentiate that.
So my take on NEPO babies and their advantages and disadvantages in booking roles and projects, it's none of my damn business. My business is to stay focused on my work and what I can do for my life.
This listener goes on to say, “What chance do I have, if I even have the opportunity to compete with one?”
Again, none of my damn business.
It doesn't matter who else is up for the role.
It matters that I am up for the role. And that I take advantage of every opportunity that I have.
And I need to do that by being good at my job, by being good at the business.
But most of all, by knowing me, by being emotionally self-sufficient, I can get myself over these mental and emotional hurdles, so that I can do my job.
I want to see, there was one more thing she said that I really liked.
She mentions this, and then kind of goes with this, but I want to add it in because I think it's so good and you may relate to this. “I had just said to a friend, I feel like I'm always coming in second.”
This is what I would say: Second best is only one step behind the first.
Second is one step behind first.
And last week I talked about tenacity and I talked about doubling down.
If you feel that you're always coming in second or third or you're getting the avail but you're not getting the job or you're getting put on hold and you're not getting the job, my joke is all the different ways we can, we we can term that avail check, pinned, first refusal.
If you find that's where you're at, it is time to listen to that Podcast episode, the one before this, right after you finish listening to this one and doubling down on your commitment.
I also want to just give you a few tips on keeping the focus on yourself because I always like to be at the cause of my life and not at the effect of it.
And if you think about the theme of this particular podcast it's right in there.
The first one is this, and I said it before, but avoid comparison and despair.
It's a wonderful little phrase. Compare and despair.
Focus on your own journey and progress rather than mention than measuring yourself against others.
Rather than measuring yourself against others. Another great one is watch measuring someone else's.
Stop putting your self worth on and depending on other people's outsides by judging on your insides.
It's just not comparable.
The other thing is to prioritize self care. Make sure that you're taking good care of you.
So that you don't abandon yourself.
I did a great podcast a little while ago that got more listens than just about any other podcast I did about abandoning the self.
Regularly engage in activities that nourish your physical, mental, and emotional being, and I talked about last podcast allowing me to be your mentor, allowing me to be that positive voice in your life, listen to these podcasts while you're doing the dishes, you're doing the laundry, you're doing the mundane.
Because one of the things that I did while I was really starting this work, is on my cassette tapes, I would listen to, that's how long ago it was, I would listen to positive messages.
So no matter what I was doing, I had positive messages going in, not the crap that was going on between my ears.
And the final one that I want to tell you about today is really setting personal boundaries.
Learning how to say no to distractions or demands that take you away from what it is you really want.
Your personal goals and your priorities. Personal growth.
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Kick Your Acting Career in Gear
Okay, so let's talk about being tenacious.
The number one thing about being tenacious is actually embracing it.
And I talk about this in terms of my own experience, which is that my biggest mistakes have been my best teachers.
My biggest mistakes have been my best teachers.
And really understanding, when you make a mistake or you have a roadblock, you don't get a role that you really thought you were going to, is looking at the situation and asking yourself, what can I learn from this?
And if what you can learn from it is what my mom always told me when I was a little kid, which is you pick yourself up, you dust yourself off, and you start all over again.
And sometimes the hardest parts of this business, I was going to get emotional about this, has really shown me how incredibly strong I am.
How incredibly strong and resilient I am.
And what that teaches me is self confidence, and self esteem.
Persistence comes from resistance.
Diamonds are made under pressure.
The other thing I want to talk about in terms of tenacity is maintaining focus.
I think that is another huge lesson, one of the things I find when I start to get scattered is I tell myself to double down on my focus, double down on what it is I want to do to achieve.
And just like I can look at my setbacks and write down what I've learned from that.
What I can ask myself in maintaining focus is what do I need to do to double down?
What do I need to bet stronger on me and on this goal that I have, keeping in mind my long term vision and not letting distractions or setbacks derail me from making progress towards my dream.
The other slogan I love in this is progress, not perfection.
Because remember, perfectionism is something that derails me and it derails me because with perfectionism, I get procrastination. And with procrastination I get paralysis.
And that is the absolute opposite of what I need in staying tenacious in my acting career.
The third thing I want to talk about is breaking it down.
Now if you know anything about me, I am a big one on baby stepping.
Because sometimes I'm either too frightened, or too intimidated, or too tired, or too scattered to focus on something big.
I need to break it down into bite sized pieces.
Now, not that I advocate eating elephants, but anyone can eat an elephant one bite at a time.
Setting small, achievable milestones to make the pursuit of my goal less overwhelming and more manageable is key.
And also I think what's important is what am I going to do to celebrate?
What am I going to do to celebrate my win for today?
I'm watching a television show that I'm really enjoying.
Because I say to myself at the end of the day, I'm going to make dinner and I'm going to organize myself for the next day.
And then I'm just going to, I'm really going to enjoy watching this show because I've put in a good day's work.
The other thing about that is something that a friend of mine told me at the very beginning of doing this work, which is I'm only responsible for today.
I'm only responsible for putting my head forward.
I'm going to be talking about the importance of being on the pillow tonight.
That's all I'm responsible for from now until then.
And this one, this next one is huge. Cultivating self discipline.
Consistently pushing myself to work hard even when motivation is low or progress feels slow.
Now, one of the biggest self-disciplines that I have is my physical fitness. It was something that I started at the end of the pandemic. And it was something that I applied using one of the tools that I talked about before, which is I doubled down.
I decided I was really going to push myself.
Because how I do one thing is how I do all things.
So if you can get disciplined in one area of your life, it's going to help you to get disciplined in other areas of your life.
Remember how you do one thing, that is how you do all things.
The other thing, and this is my last little tip, is surrounding yourself with positivity.
Now sometimes that's difficult because either the people you live with or your family or maybe even some of your closest friends may not be able to support you.
But you can support you.
You can listen to me. This podcast, have it going on in your ears as you walk down the street, as you drive in your car, as you do your dishes, as you do your laundry, as you do the mundane.
Have positive messages like these core work sessions or maybe one of the interviews from the past.
We have over 200 podcasts here.
Let me be your positive mentor.
Let me help you.
Let me be there for you.
Because we want to be seeking out those positive messages, those positive mentors, peers, and environments that encourage your ambition and your growth.
And that's why I always say, I also think watching shows or movies that get you, and that can even be a silly action film that gets you going, that get you psyched. Another thing that I use is music to get me going, to make me realize that even though things may not look good, they really are.
So let's go over those little tips again. So I talked about embracing your setbacks. I talked about maintaining focus. I talked about breaking it down.
Remember, anyone can eat an elephant one bite at a time. I talked about cultivating self discipline. How you do one thing is how you do all things. all things.
And I talked about surrounding yourself with positivity. We have a wonderfully positive community here at Acting Business Boot Camp.
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Missing episodes?
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This week we're going to talk about gossip.
Oh my god, I used to love gossip.
I used to love to talk about other people, what they were doing. Ugh, it was so amazing. Can you tell I was a teenager in the 80s?
But today I'm going to talk about why gossip is actually not that great.
And I have really been the target of gossip as well, and maybe I had to burn through some karma there.
It's really hurtful, so hurtful when you are the one being gossiped about and you find out that somebody else is saying something about you, whether it's good or bad.
If it's good, it's nice, but if it's not so nice, it's not great. And I think we probably have all been on both sides of it.
If not, you're probably not human.
But I want to talk about why it's not great as an actor.
And it's something that I have really honed in on.
It's been a long time now, but yeah, it's just something that I've really tried to curb. Because it's not nice. Gossip isn't nice.
And I know this is not this might be one of those podcasts where you're like, I don't want to listen to this one. Let's listen to another one.
But if you're feeling that way, make your ears grow bigger.
So here's the thing about gossip. Number one. I have five points about this. It erodes trust.
Yeah. It's very hard for me to trust someone who's talking shit about somebody else.
Basically, what it does is gossip, it undermines. It undermines trust. It really undermines, and I also, there was once I had an acting teacher at Guildhall who said, if you don't want to be judged, don't judge.
Because it really undermines trust, and especially if you're in a production of some sort, whether that be film, television, theater, commercial, it doesn't matter, it really erodes trust.
It also creates an environment, and you create your own environment in this industry of suspicion. And it breeds insecurity.
Oh my god, let's talk about acting class.
I want my acting class where I need to be free, to be free of gossip and bad talk.
And the thing is that people then if there's an environment of that, you become wary.
You become wary of sharing personal information that really might be helpful for the work.
And isn't that what we're trying to do? To become better actors. They may feel or someone may feel or I may feel that information that I shared while trying to find truth in a character might be misused or spread or might damage a relationship.
So this idea that, gossip at the moment sometimes it feels so good, and let's talk about why it feels so good.
It feels so good because it gets the focus off of ourselves.
I have to tell you, I just had this feeling come over me, which was like, yuck. And that's the whole thing. Gossip is really yuck.
Because what it is doing is It brings me back to this phrase, winners focus on winning, losers focus on winners.
And that's why gossip is so harmful to us, but also to others.
But I wanted to do a podcast about this because I feel this is not a subject that is brought up enough around in the acting community.
And it needs to be because we are a creative community.
The other thing is, and this is, it's very painful is that it really can damage people's reputations.
There's two sides to every story, and maybe we don't know the whole story.
And also, why is it our business?
I find I, in the past, I've tried to make something that isn't my business, because I didn't want to focus on my life and take responsibility for what is going on with me.
And damaging somebody else's reputation is so unfair. It's so unfair.
The thing is that when we keep the focus on our own lives and our own creativity and on our acting training and on our business and on our core work, when we do that, man, we don't have freaking time to gossip or to focus on somebody else.
And also, I was teaching this in my private class and actually in the weekly class as well, this thing about assumptions. We assume things about people. Or we assume that somebody means something when they don't.
Watch assuming that somebody means the same thing that you do.
We always want to get clarity.
Are you saying, just so we're clear, nobody ever is upset about getting clarification.
I once heard that assumptions are the mother fucker of all fuck ups, and that is such a great phrase.
So I don't want to assume something about somebody else, just because somebody else had said it about them.
And this is a biggie. This is a biggie. You know what gossip also does? It increases stress and anxiety.
And I don't know about you guys. I don't know about you. I don't need any more stress. I don't need any more anxiety.
And this is the thing, it also can make you feel very isolated.
You think that you're connecting with somebody about how bad somebody else is or what somebody else did.
But ultimately, it's going to lead to some kind of anxiety and possibly even some kind of depression, depending on which way of the spectrum you like to go. I personally like to freak the fuck out rather than get depressed. But, whatever your bag is. And it can negatively really impact your mental health when we talk about others.
And look, I've done it! I have done it! I used to do it a lot! Especially as a teenager. I didn't know any better.
But these are the things we want to think about. Because again, what are we trying to do?
We're trying to do that thing that we most need to do, which is keep the focus on ourself and as actors on our acting training, becoming a better actor, moving ourselves forward in business and doing the work on ourselves.
So when those opportunities come, we are ready for them and gossip has no place in any of that.
And again, going on this idea of the toxicity. of gossip, is we want to create health in our lives.
And what gossip does is it really creates like a toxic work environment.
And that work might be in our very own apartment while we're chatting on the phone, or negatively texting about somebody, or negatively emailing about something.
That might get passed along. We don't need that.
We don't need that. We want to create support and love in our lives.
The last thing that I want to say about gossip is that it's time consuming.
Because let me tell you, it's going to be easy to find somebody who's going to want to jump right in there with you.
Jump on the bad, the hate bag bandwagon. We don't need to do that with gossip. Other people, and we don't need to do it to ourselves.
Because that energy could be spent on productive tasks.
That energy could be spent on becoming more efficient in our acting career. Becoming more focused on our acting career.
And that will stop us from being more positive.
If you find yourself doing this, and this is a big one again, it's using your mind to govern your brain, I beg of you, catch yourself, just stop. Stop.
Apologize to the other person. Say, you know what? I want to stop this because this is not making me feel good and I'm sure on some level it's not making you feel good either.
Let's just stop. Let's talk about something else.
It's okay to do that. It's okay to do that, especially when you're moving yourself in a more positive direction.
Okay, one more thing. Just thought of this. It wastes energy. And we really only have a finite amount of time and a finite amount of energy.
Let's make sure we're doing it that's moving us towards something good, Like a fabulous acting career. And a fabulous life.
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Today I'm going to talk about the abandoned actor and this is something that I have been really delving into on a deeper level in my private work, the private work I do with clients, but also in my weekly classes.
And it's the idea of when we audition, or when we go to a set, or anything, maybe it could even be in your personal life when some kind of pressurized situation happens. We abandon ourselves.
And I'm gonna start talking about I, just to make this easier to explain.
I would abandon myself. Meaning, I would abdicate my feelings, my point of view, my talent to everybody else but myself, and that's what I mean by abandonment.
One of my weekly classes is in my sister coaching company called Chiropractor for the Mind. And what I teach is emotional self sufficiency.
And it's emotional self sufficiency, by teaching you emotional intelligence and teaching you to raise your intelligence emotionally.
And this idea of emotional self sufficiency, let me just talk about that for one moment, is that when I'm just talking about me, when I am emotionally self sufficient, that means whatever comes my way in life, I am able to coach myself, I am able to help myself out of that emotional confusion.
And emotional confusion is a problem for an actor because when you go in to do a scene, you want to be in the moment, emotionally on point.
You want to be emotionally understood.
You want to be able to access every single emotion in you in the moment.
But if you are emotionally confused as a human being, oh boy, do we have a problem.
So here's the thing, through core work, which is all that I talk about, that's how we become emotionally unconfused.
And it is also where this ability to coach yourself is so important, and that is especially important when it comes to this idea of how do you abandon yourself.
Now, a lot about abandonment has to do with feeling that you are a victim, thinking that you can't handle it, that you can't manage the situation you are in.
But as all of my teachings have taught me and others, it is that we will never be given more than we can handle, but we will be given more than we can control.
I'm just going to use the audition situation to keep this easy.
Why when we walk into a meeting or an audition, why do we feel the need to abandon us?
Why all of a sudden does it matter what the writer, director, producer, casting director thinks, but not what we think?
And one of the things I talk about with my private clients and in the weekly classes are, this idea that if I go in and pretend I am the character of Sally.
If I believe I'm Sally, if the only person that I am focusing on that needs to believe that she is Sally is Peter Pamela Rose, guess what automatically will happen?
Automatically, everybody else in the room will. And I've only had to put the focus on making myself believe.
And when I do that, I am not abandoning myself.
I am not abandoning myself.
Now let's just talk about anxiety and abandoning ourselves.
I want to talk about a few points of When I start to feel that I am, like, abdicating my responsibility for myself to someone else, the number one thing I need to do when that happens is, I need to become aware.
And I need to acknowledge my feelings.
I talk about awareness, acceptance and action. the first step in core work is becoming aware because you don't know what you don't know, right?
So becoming aware.
And as I am aware and I accept that, “oh, look, I am doing this,” then I can, then that awareness happens, the acceptance that I am doing it happens, and then I want to move very quickly into action.
The subject of awareness and acknowledging is really about recognizing and validating my emotions and also allowing myself to say, “okay, it's okay to feel it,” but this is the thing, if I try to say it's not happening, or just go away please, which is what I always like to say to my anxiety, it's not going to work.
I need to be in the room, with my feelings and go, this is happening, okay, how am I going to help myself with this?
How am I going to walk through it?
And this is the thing. I don't want to judge it. I just want to acknowledge it.
Because as soon as I start to judge it as being something bad that is happening, that's me trying to get rid of it.
Not gonna work. It's not gonna work.
I need to figure out how me and my, let's say, anxiety can function together so that I can say, Oh, look, there you are. Oh, okay. You don't want to eat. Okay. What do I know? I need to do need to make sure when was the last time I ate. Okay. It was an hour ago. Okay. Set my alarm for three hours from now. That's when I'm going to eat.
In other words, I need to practice tough love with myself and support myself and love myself through the feeling of abandonment.
I also recommend that when this happens, you immediately go to either talk to someone, Journal, talk to the universe, or listen to one of these podcasts, one of my core work podcasts.
Why do I say that?
Because we need to get out of ourselves.
We can't cure a sick mind with a sick mind. And when we're in that, we're a little sick. Our thinking is stinking. Stinky thinking.
Journaling helps because our, the smarter part of ourselves, our higher coach gets in there and can help us.
Praying helps, okay, or reaching out to the universe, talking to a friend to get us back on point.
Or, listening to a podcast like this to get yourself back, to get yourself back.
The other thing that's very important is that I take care of myself. That's why I go to the food. I know when I get anxious, the number one thing I don't want to do is eat.
Therefore, I need to put myself on an eating schedule and then decide how much I'm going to eat and then I don't allow myself to get up from the table until I finish it.
And if you think that I don't like doing this, you are correct. Not my favorite thing. But, it does work. Why? Because I'm going through.
The best way out is always through.
The other thing is, I really need to challenge my negative emotions and my negative thoughts.
What is my stinking thinking telling me? And how is it making me want to abdicate responsibility for whatever is going on in this moment? Because I am capable.
I am the most capable person I know.
How am I going to take care of myself at this moment? What do I need to tell myself? What good things do I need to tell myself?
And then, after I've done these things, then I need to put it all into action.
Put it all into action. And not forget to Baby step it. Baby step it.
It doesn't matter how small it is, because when we accomplish small tasks, we build what?
We need that thing that we really need when it comes to abandonment. Knowing that we have the ability to get ourselves out of it.
Knowing that we have the ability to get ourselves out of it. To regain, to take back our power in that audition room. And focus on the job. Which is to act.
There's no need to abandon yourself.
Stay with yourself, love yourself.
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This podcast is called what's at stake. AKA the most important podcast you'll ever listen to.
There's that phrase that says that life is not a dress rehearsal.
And for those of you who are in your teens, 20s, 30s, and I'll be even honest, your 40s, I didn't get that then. I didn't.
I didn't get that life is not a dress rehearsal, but this is it. I didn't get that till 51.
It was the end of COVID, and I was sitting on the balcony in our then apartment, and it was a beautiful apartment, it overlooked Marina del Rey and the water. And I realized at that moment. That I was not living up to my full potential in my life, and I had just had a year off as we all did of being isolated, and I don't know maybe that's what it took, a year of slowdown, to have it really sink in that this is it.
There's not going to be another 50 again.
There's not going to be another 49, there's not going to be another 48, there's not going to be another 47 and go all the way down to zero.
There isn't going to be that anymore. That this is it.
And what do I want to do with it? And while I was saying, what do I want to do with it?
What do I want to do with this gift?
Because it seemed to me, at 51, I was not really showing up for what I really wanted. and what I really wanted the second act of my life to be.
And it started out with, I looked I was, I remember the way I was sitting and I looked down at my waist and I went, there's a really healthy body underneath there.
And I started with that, I started with the discipline of, and I'd always exercise because I had a back injury when I was at Guildhall, and I started with that, and I started with that discipline, and I took that discipline into everything, because how we do one thing is how we do all things.
And I want to read you a quote that I think also influenced my decision.
And you know where this homework assignment is going, right?
It's a Jen Sincero quote, and she writes the badass books.
Now, I'm going to be honest with you, I did change one little bit out of this quote for the purposes of this podcast, but I think you'll get why I did that.
“Because this is what I realized. You're gonna have to push past your fears.
Fail over and over again. And make a habit of doing things you're not so comfy doing.
You're gonna have to let go of old limiting beliefs and cling to the decision to create the acting career that you desire like your life depends on it.
Because guess what? Your life does depend on it.”
And that's the truth.
That's the truth, and that's the realization that I got at such a deeper level three years ago.
You're going to have to push past your fears, and you're going to have to fail over and over again.
And you're going to have to make a habit of doing things you're not so comfy doing.
And I talk about with my in my weekly class with actors, if you're interested in that. It is a very affordable class, and we offer a class for free.
I talk with them about how when you're exercising, when it starts to feel uncomfortable, that's when you're building strength.
Not hurt. But when it starts to feel uncomfortable, that's when you're building strength.
Guess what? That's what it's like in life too.
It's doing the uncomfortable things.
So if you are ready to do some uncomfortable things, if you're willing to push past your fears and fail over and over again because the other thing I have learned is that it is in my biggest mistakes, I have my biggest lessons and I have my biggest growth.
Let me repeat that. It's when I have my biggest mistakes that I have my biggest growth.
I have my biggest learning.
And you're gonna have to make a habit of doing things that aren't so comfy, if you are willing to do that. And finally, really and become.
I hope you will honor me and let me honor you. That's actually where I want to go. Let me honor you with a free consultation. Let's talk this out. You're not alone in this journey. You don't have to be alone.
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We are going to be talking about the importance of fun.
So I'm going to be really honest with you, this is a topic that I have had so much trouble with.
Yeah, I have had trouble having fun.
I thought that, I don't know, life was to be endured. And even though I had a positive, natural positive attitude, I didn't know how to have fun. I had no idea how to have fun.
And you know what that hurt? That hurt my acting career and that hurt my ability to act because I wasn't experiencing all emotions, especially the really good ones.
But the thing is that when we as casting directors, agents, managers are meeting with you, we want to be with people who are Professional, but also are fun to be around people that we want to work with, that we want to be on a set with day in and day out now.
Okay, that might not apply for the casting director or the agent or the manager, but I am going to be working with you a decent amount.
So yes, it does apply to that, but it really applies in your auditions.
Are you having fun? Do you know how to have fun?
And if you don't, that's okay.
You can have fun learning, and you may make mistakes while having fun.
I've certainly done that.
I thought something was going to be fun, and then it really wasn't.
In fact, I hated it.
Anyway, so I'm going to read a little thing out of Melody Beattie's Language of Letting Go.
“Have some fun with life, with the day. Find the good things in the day. Find the fun things in the day. Life is not a drudgery. That is an old belief.”
And as I said, truly an old belief of mine.
“We can let go of it. We are on an adventure. And this adventure is life. It is a journey. Events will come to pass that we cannot even fathom.”
I think that's one of the gifts of being deaf. Age is that with age, you begin to appreciate life more. You begin to appreciate the day more.
And lately I've had podcasts and podcasts that will come up about being decisive, making mistakes.
You can have fun with all of this.
The big thing is we want to create the best life and career and experience with this one amazing shot we have on this planet.
“We want to try and replace our heaviness and weariness of spirit with joy. Surround yourself with people and things that bring lightness of spirit as opposed to that heaviness.
Become sensitive to happiness, to lightness, to the incredible wonder of life.
The journey, it really can be an exciting adventure. Let yourself be. Enjoy it.”
One of the mantras that I gave myself recently, creating amazing experiences in my life is fun for me.
Creating amazing experiences in my life. is fun for me.
Again, fun. It's so important. You want to be around people who are fun.
Why would that stop in a casting office? Why would that stop in an agent's office? Why would that stop at a manager's office? Why would that stop in auditioning?
Have fun. This business can be fun.
It can be exciting.
Yes, it can also be trying. But let's have fun on the adventure.
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Today I'm going to talk about something that I have found to be extremely helpful.
And that word is being decisive.
Now, sometimes when I'm decisive, I make mistakes.
But this is the thing. Everything is fixable.
And mistakes are how we grow.
But in my being decisive, what happens is that things get put in order, into motion.
And the thing is that if I keep doing what I've always done, which can be being wishy-washy about something or procrastinating with something because I just don't know what to do.
By the way, this is why I'm recommending these free consultations with me so we can get you out of that kind of mess.
What happens is that when I set myself a clear path and I get decisive about things start to happen, big things start to happen.
And I find that making a decision, and then following through with that decision is sometimes the most valuable thing I do in a day.
So today I'm going to talk, I have five points about decisiveness.
They are efficiency and time management, confidence, reduce stress and anxiety, opportunity seizing, and clear direction and focus.
So I'm going to talk about each of those subjects and how being decisive has helped me and how I feel it can help you.
So efficiency and time management, decisiveness helps in making quick decisions. Quick and effective decisions and saving time and increasing productivity.
So this is the thing. Not making a decision is making a decision and it keeps you stuck as an actor.
And this is the thing. I don't want to waste any more time in my life.
I've got a finite amount of time on this planet and I want to make sure that I am enjoying it. Every single moment of it, and the things that I'm doing for my life and my career are moving me forward, not backward, and certainly not keeping me stagnant.
So what happens when I'm more decisive?
I take less time, humming and hawing. And that is, that's why I'm offering the free consultation, because I want you to stop humming and hawing.
Either decide you're going to work with someone to get your shit in gear, or don't.
But, for goodness sake, let's make a decision. So what happens is that when you make a decision, chances are, when you leap, the net will appear and the universe will support you.
And that's why that decision will be effective.
Also when I make a decision, I decide what I'm going to do instead of hemming and hawing about what I should do. What happens is that I save time and that is time that could be spent effectively working on the acting career.
Also because I'm saving that time, I have increased productivity.
I get more done creating more Opportunities.
So I'm going to actually jump to opportunities here. Because what happens is that when you do more things, you put yourself more out there, more people know about you, more opportunities can exist.
And decisiveness allows individuals to capitalize on opportunities quickly before they are lost to hesitation.
See, I want as many agents, casting directors, managers, producers, directors, writers to know about you, but how do you get in touch with them?
I want to show you how to do that. I want to also encourage you to be decisive in your career, whether you're working with me or not, but even by listening to this, you are working with me a little bit so that you can have opportunity.
Bill Timoney, who is going to be on Broadway with Our Town, he always says, and he's such a friend of Acting Business Boot Camp, he says, “you want to have as much access to opportunity as you can.”
And that's what I like to help actors to access. access to opportunity.
The other thing about being decisive is it makes you more confident.
Decisive individuals often exude confidence, which is crucial for effective leadership and inspiring trust.
So this is the thing. I am a casting director. I hire actors, I audition actors that exude confidence, who are good at their job, and almost more importantly, know they are good at their job.
And that inspires trust in me, the casting director, to either directly hire them for a job or to continue auditioning them so that they have access to opportunity.
Now I'm going to talk about how being decisive reduces stress and anxiety.
Because making prompt decisions reduces stress and anxiety associated with prolonged uncertainty and indecision.
That's the thing. The more you procrastinate, the more anxiety and stress you build up.
It's time to eradicate that from your life.
The stress and anxiety that is caused by indecision, it doesn't have to be there.
How do I know that? Because I used to be a hand wringer, a pearl clencher, a hyperventilator about making a decision.
But once I started to get decisive, things started to happen.
And finally, let's talk about how being decisive in your acting career gives you clear direction and focus.
It helps you to align your efforts and your resources toward achieving specific goals, which is, hopefully, to be a working actor.
So again, clear direction and focus and being decisive provides clear direction and focus, helping you to align your efforts and resources towards achieving specific goals.
And that's what I want to help you to do in these consultations, is I want to hear where you are at and where you want to go and how we can align your efforts and your resources and my resources to help you to achieve that goal of becoming a working actor.
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Today, I'm going to talk about mistakes.
Something that I'm going to be honest, I am not very excited about. Meaning that like I don't even want to admit to you, let alone myself, I'm not perfect.
Because my name is Peter Pamela Perfection Rose.
And just like things to be all neat and buttoned up and look good.
And here's the thing, when I started this podcast, I remember the first few actually the first episode I did, it took me two hours to do it.
And then I finally said to myself, there is no way I will ever do this, or keep this up if this is how long it's going to take me.
Because I was trying to get it perfect and I was trying to say, oh, I'm going to do one thing and it's going to be like this, to only find out that maybe that wasn't the best way.
And so what I decided was, is that in this weekly podcast, come what may, no matter what, I was going to do one every week.
And sometimes I batch them. I do a few in advance.
But I never really do more than four in advance.
So always, what you're hearing, I've recorded very recently.
And the other thing that I decided was that I was just going to be who I was. I wasn't going to edit unless it was absolutely necessary.
Absolutely necessary, including the interviews, because what I wanted you to see was that you could accomplish something, and not be perfect. And come on. If you've been listening to my podcast, you've heard me stumble. You've heard me say things wrong. You've heard me go off, get lost on a tangent and come back.
You have heard me make so many mistakes.
And I've just recorded a podcast, because I am batching this one but like I said, you will be hearing it very soon. Where I really felt like at the end I went off and then a phone call came in and I just felt off and I was like, Ugh, should I re record?
And I said, No. No, I shouldn't. Because again, what I want to show you is, what I want to emulate in my work is that you don't have to be perfect, that this is a podcast that if you're expecting perfection, you're not going to get it, okay?
Go listen to somebody else. I'm not perfect. I'm not going to do this podcast perfectly, but what I always will be is honest, and I will always be talking from the heart.
A lot of my older clients call me mama bear and they are my baby bears.
And I feel what a good mama bear does is she teaches her baby bear how to fish.
And she teaches through example.
And that's always how I wanna teach. And when I talk about the core work, I'm always talking about the work that I've Guinea pigged on myself, on my own, anxiety, on my own imperfection, on my own character defects, and then coach you to do it.
Because I figure if I have done it with myself, coaching you is a piece of cake because I have to go up against all of my own messiness and I do it with lots of mistakes.
So I have a couple of books I'm going to be reading from today and talking about this mistakedom.
The first one is actually a Hazelden meditation book called In God's Care.
It starts with a quote from Ethel Barrymore. How appropriate. “You grow up the day you have your first real laugh at yourself.”
“Do we sometimes think the whole house of cards will come tumbling down if we make one false move?
There's nothing wrong. with making mistakes. That's the way we've learned in the past and that's how we're learning now.
We laugh affectionately at the foibles of others. Sometimes it's irresistible. But we can laugh at our own with the same good humor.”
And, one of the things I find about life is not taking myself so seriously and not beating up on myself when I have made a mistake.
There are times when I've made some really big mistakes, and I need to go back and take responsibility for that.
But most of the mistakes. are just little mistakes where I'm tumbling over my words or I'm in a recording session and I misread something.
I just say, okay, pick up and I go on.
The fact of the matter is that in life, everything is fixable.
And when we do something wrong, we make a mistake.
I just saw something on social media and it was Simone Biles as a small girl doing the vault. And it was in a meet and she didn't do that well.
And then they showed her ten years later, doing a far more complicated vault. And it was perfect. It's through making our mistakes that we grow.
And it's okay not to be perfect.
But this is the thing, it doesn't really matter that I tell you it's okay that you're not perfect. You need to go through the same process that I go through.
Which is, I need to know it's okay with Peter Pamela Rose, that Peter Pamela Rose isn't perfect. The reading goes on to say “living a spiritual life doesn't mean we have to be grim.
In fact, increasing joy and merriment is an unavoidable result of turning our will over to that of the universe's. Now we can relax and enjoy life, and that includes enjoying our less than perfect selves.”
And that's the other thing, I think, that in mistake making, that when I make a mistake, I go to the universe.
I start talking with the universe.
And I talk a lot about in this podcast and in my weekly classes about your relationship, that incredible relationship that is open to you with the universe.
Everybody has it, whether you want to acknowledge it or not, is up to you. I just think that, acknowledging it and practicing a relationship with it makes life a lot easier.
And the thing is that with that relationship, when I make mistakes, I can go to that energy and say, wow, I really screwed up here. Please guide me, show me what it is I need to do.
The thing is that I can also give you my experience of being an actor. I've been a professional actor for over 30 years.
And let me tell you, when you're starting out, there is no mistake that is career ending. There is no mistake that is career ending. All it is, is a learning experience.
I'm going to go on a little bit more here now.
The Language of Letting Go
“Many of us picked on ourselves unmercilessly before getting into the core work. We may also have had a tendency to pickon ourselves after we begin the core work because what has starts to happen is we become aware.”
and that's the whole thing is a mistake is a wonderful opportunity to become aware.
And the thing is that we cannot become better. We cannot become more skilled unless we have awareness about what we are doing.
And I always talk about that awareness, acceptance, and action.
And why do I talk about it so often? I talk about it so often because it is such a key part of the process of becoming better.
Better in our lives, creating a better life for ourselves, and creating a better acting career for ourselves.
If I was really doing this, I wouldn't be doing that again.
Ugh, how many times have I said to myself this, Oh, I should be further along. I should be further along in my acting career. What the, who, who said that?
I did. Who said that?
That is just making things so much harder for you.
There's a wonderful phrase that Louise Hay says that I love which is, “Stop, stop beating up on yourself. Stop it. Stop it. Be nice to yourself. Be kind to yourself. That's going to go so much further.”
These statements that we say this, if I was really doing this, I wouldn't do that, or I really should be so much at my age, I should be so much further along than I am.
These are statements that if we indulge in them, we are feeling some sort of shame. And when we are feeling shame, we are feeling that we are defective. And you are not. Defective.
We do not need to treat ourselves this way. There is no benefit.
And that's the thing. Perfectionism leads to procrastination, leads to paralysis.
And I don't want to be paralyzed by shame because shame blocks us.
But self love and self acceptance enable us to grow and change.
Again, we need mistakes in order to grow.
Now that doesn't mean I'm going to go out and try and make mistakes.
But it does mean that when we make them, we can be kinder to ourselves.
If we truly have done something we feel guilty about, we can correct it with an apology, an amend, or an attitude of self love and self acceptance.
Sometimes when I do something to someone else, I need to forgive myself first, and then go ask for forgiveness.
And this is the thing, even if we slip back into old shaming behaviors or old thinking or feeling or behaving, we don't need to be ashamed.
We are all going to regress from time to time.
It's two steps forward, one step back.
Sometimes it's five steps forward and seven steps back.
But ultimately we are, if we stick to this work, we are moving forward.
That's how we learn. That's how we grow. We relapse. We recycle. It's an important, necessary part of recovery.
And when I talk about recovery, I'm talking about recovering our true selves.
Because when we recover our true selves, we can bring that into our acting work. And what does that give us? It gives us truth.
It's those performances that are so undeniably truthful that we are seeking to do, to seek to achieve.
And the way out of recycling is not shaming ourselves because what that does is that puts us into a shame spiral that just gets us deeper and deeper in.
So much pain comes from trying to be perfect. Perfectionism, or trying not to make mistakes, is impossible unless we think of it in a new way.
Perfection is being who we are and where we are today.
It's accepting and loving ourselves, Just the way we are.
We are each right where we need to be in our lives, in our career.
Now that doesn't mean you can't do things to change things up.
But what it does mean is taking off the pressure of yourself and start treating yourself as the beautiful child of the universe.
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BOOK A CALL WITH PETER
Today, I'm going to talk about positive energy and energy and the actor and why it is so intensely important.
I have found positive energy and positive thinking to be one of the most important things for a happy life and a happy career.
So I'm going to start with a quote, which is Gandhi, which is “be the change you wish to see in the world.”
Anais Nin, “We do not see the world as it is. We see it as we are.”
And so what I want to see the world is, especially in such tumultuous times, is I want to see the good in the world.
Not the bad, because the more I see good in my world, the more good is reflected back to me.
And because we see it as we are, that is why we want to have as much positive energy going through us as possible.
And when I talk about positive energy, I talk about anabolic energy.
I'm talking about that anabolic energy and that anabolic energy is growing, building, healing energy.
And it is who I Truly am and that's truth with a capital T, whether I believe it or not.
Another thing is that anabolic energy gives me a high chance for success.
It has me being fully conscious.
It has me in a state where I believe in myself. In me, but I also believe in that power greater than me, in that universe.
So now I'm going to move into my favorite text of The Language of Letting Go by Melody Beattie.
“It's so easy to look around and notice what's wrong, it takes practice to see what's right.”
The reason why it's so easy to see what's wrong is because that's what my motherboard, my limiting beliefs, have taught me, programmed me to look for the bad, not for the good, or to look for the negative instead of the positive.
That's the only reason why that happens.
It happens because I was programmed that way.
And there's that wonderful joke that your parents know how to push your buttons because they're the ones who installed them.
It takes practice to notice what's right.
Now, remember when just a moment ago I said it's easier to look around and see what's, what's wrong or what's negative.
I put that word easy in quotes because quite frankly, It is actually far easier to do this work and have a happier life than continuing to look at the negative and continue to build and foster that.
That just keeps me in that awful state of negativity and that awful area of status quo, where I know that pain that you know you could be doing so much better, but you aren't.
I'm sorry, but that is not easy.
Melody Beattie goes on to say, “many of us have lived around negativity for years. We've become skilled, we've become skilled at labeling what's wrong with other people, our life, our work, our day, our relationships, ourselves, our conduct, our core work. We want to be realistic and our goal is to identify and accept reality.”
However, this often is not our intent when we practice negativity. The purpose of negativity is generally annihilation.
I do not wanna annihilate. I do not want to annihilate a good life for myself because of the way I was programmed.
No, I want to create a good life for me, a happy life for me, a place where my life is in the position for a high chance for success.
And this is what I want for you as an actor.
“Negativity empowers the problem.”
The problem of not working as an actor. The problem of not knowing what to do next. The problem [ of nothing ever good happens to me. It empowers that.
I'm sorry, I don't want to go there. That's not what I want because negativity takes us out of harmony.
Negative energy sabotages and destroys.
How many actors have said to me, I sabotage myself. I sabotage myself.
I used to be someone who used to sabotage themselves. I no longer do that. I no longer do that.
Let's put it this way. I no longer choose that.
I choose to work for myself instead of against myself. And that is the far easier path.
“Negative thinking empowers the problem. It takes us out of harmony. Negative energy sabotages and destroys. It has a powerful life of it’s own.
and it has the power to enable our self sabotaging. But here's the catch, and here's the good news. So does powerful energy.
“Each day we can ask what's right, what's good about other people, about our life, our work, our day, our relationships, ourselves, our conduct, our recovery.”
And this is something that I truly believe. Negative energy comes from my ego. It comes from that thought system. That power system.
And positive energy comes from the universal. Thought system, the universal power system, that is infinite, that is positive.
And here is the thing, my ego thought system is finite, it only has so much energy.
But positive energy, when I hook up my pipeline to the positive energy, to the universal energy, that is much stronger than the negative energy.
That is why I say in my weekly classes, I talk to my clients, my students, my actors about this.
You put in one inch of core work, you put in one inch of effort, and you will get more than one yard back.
Because the positive energy is so much stronger than the negative. We just have to choose it.
“Positive energy heals, it conducts love, and transforms. Choose positive energy.”
I love that word transforms.
Because I truly used to be a very negative person. Mainly about myself. Every other thing I said to myself was, I'm not something enough. That is not the case anymore. There is truly hope.
If I can help myself, I can help you.
The other thing about Energy is that everybody wants that positive energy. Everybody wants that abundant life. And the thing is that living that abundant life begins with believing in focusing on that abundant world.
Practicing gratitude. Just even mentioning three times a day or three things in a day that you want to practice gratitude for, that is a phenomenal way to have positive energy in your life.
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I have a very special offer for you. If you are interested in working with me, but you would like to talk to me first, click on the link in the show notes. And we'll get in touch and we'll set something up.
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We're going to talk about the two energies of the actor.
We're going to be talking about anabolic energy and catabolic energy.
But first, what we're going to be talking about Is the term consciousness. So what is the term consciousness? The term consciousness is your awareness of who you really are, as opposed to the you that you believe you are, and we're taught that you are.
Now, here's the thing. Who you really are is pure anabolic energy.
Who you think you are or believe you are, or were taught that you are, or all of the above, has a bit of catabolic energy in it, which means it's energy that works against you.
So what we're gonna be talking about today is these two energies and how you can stay more in your catabolic energy than your anabolic energy.
Let's get into the definitions of catabolic energy. Catabolic energy is isolated. It's lonely. You need everything outside of you to validate yourself. The world is scary, and it's angry. And this is the biggest thing to know as an actor, you have a very low chance of success.
You're working unconsciously, and you have very little faith in yourself or in the Universe.
And then there is the wonderful energy of anabolic energy.
Now, anabolic energy is like mind over so-called reality.
It's when you're seeing that things around you at the moment, things aren't going well, but you know these truths.
One, this too shall pass.
And two, everything I'm seeing now is only preparation for more good to come.
In this energy, you have real energy.
You have a real awareness. You have, and this is so key, faith in yourself, but also a faith in the Universe.
This is where you live and where you have high potential.
You also have a high level of success.
You live more consciously and this is who you are, whether you believe it or not.
Ananias Nin says that “we do not see the world as it is, we see it as we are,” meaning that I see the world either with anabolic eyes or catabolic eyes.
And quantum physics has shown us that the world is a creation of our perceptions.
So if we want to create more enjoyable life experiences, we want to focus on that anabolic energy, and that's why gratitude is so important.
The more we point out what we are grateful for, the more we will bring into our lives again, like energy attracts like energy. I also want to mention that one of the ways we can move into more anabolic energy is to really change how we speak because changing our language changes our reality.
And I'm going to show you this in terms of anabolic and catabolic energy.
Language or words orient our thoughts and our feelings.
And I talk a lot about how we have a thought that then becomes an emotion and that emotion then dictates an action and then that action reiterates the thought.
So I am good enough, I feel good about me, I go to my auditions, I do a great job, see me, I am good enough.
Now, notice how I used a real anabolic example there.
Words and the intention or the emotion, which are truly the fuel behind them, are either catabolic or anabolic.
And they convey a lot. underlying messages to our energy.
And what that does is that creates a physical, an emotional, a mental and a spiritual response, not only in ourselves, but in others.
So what I'm going to do right now is I'm going to give you examples of anabolic and catabolic language choices.
And we're gonna look at that.
So if you are in catabolic, that lonely, isolating negative energy, the words you may use are, should, or might.
Now, the anabolic response or the anecdote to that would be I choose, I desire, I want.
Again, another example. The catabolic word choice would be, I need to.
The anabolic word choice would be, It's important to me. It's important to me that I do this thing. Not that I need to do this thing, but it's important to me.
The catabolic word choice on the next one is, I have to. I have to. I have to. I have to all over the place.
Like I should all over myself? I have to all over myself.
And the, again, the anecdote to that is I desire to. I desire to, I choose to, I desire to.
Another catabolic word choice is can't. Instead, maybe you're just not willing to. Or I'm choosing not to, but I can't is unconscious. I choose to is conscious and therefore anabolic.
I always, never, those are catabolic word choices.
The anecdote to those are, I sometimes, I often, I seldom.
The next one must. Ooh, catabolic word choice there. Must. As opposed to, I choose. I desire, again, making your words more conscious so they are in that anabolic energy.
Try. Oh my God. How many times have I said try?
What about saying the anabolic word choice of I intend to or I aim to?
And this one, this is such an improv actor one, which is the catabolic word choices, “but.” How about “and?” And is your anabolic word choice.
Maybe is catabolic, yes I will or no I won't is anabolic. For goodness sakes, make a decision.
And finally, I think. Oh, catabolic right there.
How about I know, or I don't know. Be decisive with your words.
Again, remember these words, whether you choose anabolic words or catabolic words have an effect on you, but also on other people, and that means agents, managers, casting directors, writers, directors, producers.
I want to be someone who an agent, a casting director, a director, a producer wants to have in a room, wants to have on set, because I give off that positive energy.
Finally, I want you to remember that catabolic energy is disempowering. It is taking away my power. It is me giving away my power. And ultimately, it tears me down.
It tears me down.
But anabolic energy is powerful. Anabolic language is centered. It is grounded. It is responsible. It is powerful. It is healthy. And I love this word. It is empowering. It builds us up. It heals us. And it helps us to believe in ourselves and in our power.
Remember, the only constant is change.
And I want to make sure that we are changing towards anabolic energy.
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Weekly Accountability Group
Creating effective change as an actor.
I'm going to be talking about real coaching principles.
Change can be scary and many people see a benefit in it. In not making change because the payoff is that they don't have to take action and they don't need to face the unknown.
And that is a concept that I'm really going to be drilling into in this podcast, which is what is the payoff?
What I want you to do is I want you to write down
What am I not doing in my acting career right now?
So what should you be doing that you're not doing?
Now usually I don't want you to should, but for this exercise I want you to because I want you to then write it out for me.
And then ask yourself, what is the payoff?
What's the payoff for you not doing it?
And a lot of the time, the payoff is then I don't have to do anything.
Meaning you don't have to take responsibility.
And also, you don't have to face the unknown. You don't have to face the rejection.
You don't have to feel like an imposter.
The fact is, you're never an imposter. You're just a human being.
You're just as, you're just as entitled to be on this earth as all the rest of us.
I also think that by not taking action, you keep yourself in that cage.
Catabolic energy of victim, and when we are in victim, we are stating that we are helpless, hopeless, and I don't know what to do next.
I want you to ask yourself, what is the payoff for you not taking action?
Your acting career, what is the payoff?
Because what we're trying to do here is we're journaling this little bit of work here to make real effective transformational change in our careers.
What is the payoff for staying just where I am right now?
Because this is the truth. The truth is that not taking action is actually taking an action.
Not taking action in your acting career is actually taking an action.
Just as not making a decision is actually deciding not to choose. Yeah. I know. If you feel like you want to vomit in your mouth just a little bit, I am sure you are not alone.
When I was asked the question, what is the payoff for your anxiety attacks?
I wanted to smash that answer. I wanted to take my fist and insert it into the left cheek of my life coach because I was like, how dare you ask me that question? But oh my goodness, am I glad she did.
This is the thing, actors say they want to change.
They say they want to have a working career.
They say that is what they really want in their lives, but yet they still stay stuck.
The whole thing here is, how do we get you unstuck?
The only way to make effective change, the only way to make effective change, is to focus on the benefits of the change, not on the challenge of making the change.
So now I want you to think about all those things that you put in the beginning there about, I really should be doing this and I really should be doing that.
And I want you to ask yourself this question: how will I feel once I've done those things? How will I feel?
And then I want you to add the emotion to it.
The emotion, because emotion is the fuel.
We can lay those logs on the fire, but when we put that kerosene on it and we light the match, kaboom.
I want you to focus on how you feel when you get that done.
Again, the only way to make effective change is to focus on the benefits of what you will feel, of what you will feel you have accomplished, of the self esteem you will have gained by doing what you said you were going to do, not on the challenge of actually, ugh, doing it.
The best way to do this is to tie your values into your desired outcomes, to show you that this is what you really want and why you really want it.
Let's talk about values for a second and how they can help us to create effective change.
alues are the principles that people live by. The things that make them tick and drive them.
And there are two types of values. There are fear based values.
If I don't earn some money, I'm not going to be able to make my rent. If I don't make my rent, I'm not going to have a place to live. That's a fear based value.
And then there's a conscious based value. This is what I want my life to look like.
This is what I want my acting career to look like.
Now what I'm going to do is I'm going to align my thoughts and my actions to that goal.
Because I know I can, if I do that, then I will achieve it.
And gosh darn it, I know that's what I really want.
Now fear based values are the ones that cause you to take action or not take action to avoid something.
I call them the have to's. I have to do this. All right, yeah, I have to, the have tos.
But conscious based values, they allow you to take action because they are want tos. I'm doing this because I want to. I want to feel good so I exercise. I want to. I want to do that. I want to go to acting class because I want to become a better actor.
Because I want to be a working actor.
You can choose from passion, or you can choose from fear.
And you, the thing is that sometimes we do that consciously and we don't and sometimes we do it unconsciously.
So therefore, we want to be aware.
One of the things I actually just talked about in my weekly coaching group is this idea of awareness, acceptance, and action.
First we need to become aware.
So I give exercises to become aware.
I give exercises to accept where we are at and then I give exercises to take action.
So here I'm going to give you some empowering questions for helping you to find your values. And then we're gonna again bring it back to that effective change.
I want you to think about a time when life or your acting career was really good, and what was the value that was being expressed or honored?
What was in sync with you?
What did you feel you were doing well?
And how does that express who you are?
How does that express who you are?
So again, think of a time when your acting career was really good. What value was being expressed or honored?
Also, think about a time in your acting career when you were really upset.
What was being challenged? What didn't you like about that? How did it feel? What was going on?
Then I want you to ask yourself, when do you compromise your values?
And why do you compromise your values?
I'll tell you a time when I compromise my values. When I get a case of the I don't want to's. When I get a case of the I don't want to's, then I'm not so strong,
I'm not so funny, I'm not so sweet, and I'm not so elegant. I'm just lazy. And if it's really not in a good place, I'm feeling really helpless.
And that's never a good place.
In fact, feeling helpless is dangerous. This is the thing, when you do the core work, when you do this work on yourself as an actor, if you visit that place called helpless, called a victim, you can get yourself out real quick.
And then finally, I'm going to ask you a question that is probably the best question anybody can ever ask someone: think about what you must experience in life. What must you experience in your one grand life that you have? What must you experience and why is that so important for you?
Again, change can be scary and many people see a benefit in not making change.
But what is the payoff and what is the cost for not doing the things that you need to be doing, the thoughts that you need to be thinking, to do that thing that you must experience?
I encourage you listen to this podcast again, really write out my questions, really journal on them and get to know yourself better.
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Try out The Weekly Accountability Group for FREE!
Last week I talked about accountability and discipline.
Today, I want to talk about hard days.
I did not have a good night last night.
I didn't sleep well. I'm going through some physical discomfort. Nothing serious, but just physical discomfort. And I just got down. And one of the things I've learned is hungry, angry, lonely, tired, halt.
If you get too hungry or you get too angry or you get too lonely or you get too tired , and I also will add hormonal in there, I find that is when my negativity, my catabolic energy comes up.
And the thing is I woke up and I was like, “okay, I didn't have a great night's sleep. I'm not feeling that great about me at the moment. And I'm just having one of those days. I'm having a hard day.”
So every morning I make a cup of tea. And I go out to our garden, and I sit, and I talk with the Universe, and this morning, I was resenting the Universe.
I was like, “I'm not feeling so great, Universe, and for some reason I want to blame it on you.”
I just didn't feel great.
And then a little voice came to my head that said, do what you always do.
Don't treat this day any differently than any other day. And so slowly I started to say my mantras that I say and I opened up my little journal and I read some of my affirmations and I got myself present by naming the birds that I was hearing and the sounds that I was hearing.
And I said, “okay, look, even though you don't feel so great today. I'm still going to suit up. I'm still going to show up and I'm still going to be Peter Pamela Rose reporting for duty today.”
And had my breakfast, took a shower, put some makeup on, had my first meeting. I've already done four meetings today and it's not even 10:30 in the morning and here we go, and now I'm doing a podcast.
And it was while I was in the shower that I said I should do a podcast about when things aren't so great, when you're not feeling so wonderful.
The Language of Letting Go
This reading is about getting through the hard times.
This is about getting through the hard times, and as always, I'm going to be using her words for inspiration, and I'll be talking a little bit about it.
“Hard times. Stressful times. Are not all there is to life, but they are a part of life. They are a part of growth, and they are a part of moving forward.”
I was working with a client privately recently, and we got to this bit where I said, you work, you grind, you get to the next level. Repeat. You work, you grind, you get to the next level. Repeat. You work, you grind, you get to the next level.
And the thing is that days like I'm having today, guess what?
That is part of growth. It is part of life. It is part of moving forward.
This is the key, even though it doesn't feel like it.
“We can use the energy of hard times to work out and work through our issues.”
Why would you treat this day differently than any other day?
No, you keep to the routine. Because the routine is on the path to growth.
So again, we use the energy of the hard times to work out, work through our issues.
And we can use it to fine tune our skills and our spirituality.
In other words, even though I don't feel like I had faith in that moment, I practiced and acted as if I did.
“Or we can go through these times suffering, storing up bitterness, and refusing to grow or change.”
I'm sorry that's just not my bag anymore. Just don't want to do it.
I only want to be moving forward. I only want to be growing.
A friend of mine said to me recently, she's you know what? We can do hard things. We can do hard things, and sometimes doing the hard thing is doing what you've always done to keep you on track, even when you most don't feel like it.
Hard times can motivate and mold us to bring out our best. Why? Because it instills desire and discipline in us.
“We can use these times to move forward and upward to higher levels of learning, loving and growth. The choice is ours. Will we let ourselves feel? Will we take a spiritual approach, including gratitude toward the event? Will we question life and our higher power by asking what we're supposed to be learning and doing? Or will we use the incident to prove old negative beliefs?”
Oh, hell no, we're not doing that.
Hell no.
Where we say things like, nothing good ever happens to me. I'm just a victim, people can't be trusted, life isn't worth living. Hell no! No, we are not going to do that.
And this is the thing, As I've shared on this podcast, I'm very much into working out and fitness because it really works against that trigger word of mine, which is weak because working out makes me feel strong.
And one of the things that I've noticed is particularly with abdominal exercises is that when I find an abdominal exercise that I really don't like, that is the one I drill into, that is the one I practice. Why? Because that's where I'm weak and I want to get strong.
And it's the same thing when I'm doing, let's say, an abdominal exercise.
And it's the same thing. It starts to burn and it starts to feel uncomfortable and I want to quit. That's when the strength is building.
That's when the strength is building.
So when this morning I said to myself, that little quiet voice said, do what you always do. Do your morning routine. That was me continuing on even though it was uncomfortable.
That was me getting stronger.
“We do not always require hard energy or stress, to motivate, to grow or change. We do not have to create stress, seek it, or attract it. But if it's there, we can learn to channel it into growth and using it for achieving what is good in life. We can use the hard times to get better. We can use the hard times to get better.”
Also, if you would like to be held more accountable in your acting career and you would like more of this. core work in your life. Please, I beg of you, take a chance and try out one of our classes for free.
They are life changing.
And if you can't make the class, we tape it.
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Sign up for the free class
I'm going to talk about something that has truly changed my life. There are two things. One is discipline and the second one is accountability.
So the first one is accountability. When I started this work nearly 30 years ago, I can't even believe it's been that long.
I really cannot believe it. It sometimes feels like it's so much longer than that, and sometimes it feels like it's, I don't know, like yesterday.
But when I started this work out, I had to be accountable. And I was accountable to my coach and I was accountable to a group.
And this group I was accountable to them every week. So I worked with my coach privately, and I worked with my coach in a group setting.
And it taught me a lot. And basically what it taught me was, is the number one person who I needed to be accountable to was me.
That if I said that I wanted to be a working actor, that I had to put my money where my mouth was, where I had to put my energy where my mouth was, that if I said I was going to do something, I really needed to do it because I did not want to show up to that group and say, I didn't do it this week.
Because of that I decided to make a difficult decision. But I think a very important decision, which was to open up my Weekly Accountability Group. To all actors.
So what I'm offering is a free class.
The class is on Fridays at 12 p. m. EST.
Not only do you get that class, but you also get my core work class, which is the weekly adjustment after that, because I want to teach you to be accountable to you, to be accountable. And a lot of people have been asking me about this and saying, would you open it up to the public?
And finally I decided yes.
One of the things that you need in order to be accountable is discipline.
Now, the funny thing is that I did not used to be very disciplined. As a kid, I would always look for the easy way out.
The funny thing is, though, if I think of some of the two most disciplined people I know on the planet, they're my parents.
So how did these two incredibly disciplined people bring up this kid who is not that disciplined?
One thing is they made life very easy for me, which I would manipulate out of them.
I was an only child and yeah, I was brutal.
When I wanted something from my daddy, I would open my blue eyes wide open and I'd go, “Dadsky” and he'd melt. Anything I wanted, he'd give me.
And my mom, the mummiest of the mummies, I call her. She also would, give in to my let's just put it this way, adorableness.
And I'm saying all of this with a big smile on my face.
But when I got older, I started to realize that they really were quite the example for me.
My father is now a retired corporate pilot. And I remember that man could pack a suitcase and he would have everything packed and everything ready.
And this is when you flew with maps, okay, not with GPS.
He was so organized. and so disciplined.
And if my father said he was going to do something, he would do it.
And if my father said he would meet you at six o'clock, he was there at 5:45.
Not only that, he was physically very disciplined.
When he retired, he started walking 10 miles a day, and that was in his sixties. My dad is 84.5 years old. and walks four miles a day.
My 84 and a half year old father is still physically disciplined.
Now let's talk about my mom. My mom is 85 now. She wrote her 10th cookbook. on her 80th birthday. She finished her 10th cookbook on her 80th birthday.
This past week, she told me that one television series and one film reached out to her, both documentaries. My mom is a food historian and they want to interview her about Dutch historical food because she's a Dutch food historian.
My mom, I would watch her sit down at the computer and for hours work at writing her books.
The mental discipline that my mother has, is mind boggling to me. I don't have it.
My mom is also an avid reader and has been known to read a book a night. Again, I don't know how she does it. I wish I'd gotten that gene. That one I didn't.
The point is that these two people were phenomenal role models to me.
And even though I didn't learn it as a child, ultimately, I taught myself and used them as examples to become quite disciplined myself.
I'm going to give you even a further example, one that applies right now. I realized I didn't have a podcast this week. And then I texted Rose Marie, my right hand woman, I said, we don't have a podcast this week, do we?
And she went nope, and I went, she said, can you get me one tonight? And I went, yep.
But here's the thing. I didn't want to do this podcast, but yet that quiet voice inside of me said I've done like a hundred and ninety weeks in a row. A hundred and ninety weeks. There's no reason I couldn't jump in the booth and do this podcast.
And that is discipline.
Discipline is doing something when you don't want to, yeah, and discipline is what you need to be held accountable to the most important person in the world that you need to be held accountable to.
So look, here's the deal. Free class. It's the Weekly Accountability Group.
You've got nothing to lose. Try me for one class. That's all I'm asking. One class. Totally free. No obligation whatsoever to continue. And if you want to continue, We keep it affordable for you.
Are you going to be disciplined and sign up? I hope so.
And as I get older, I learn, the more I work for myself, the more I have regrets that it took me so long to do it.
So if I can convince one of you out there to show up for yourself just even one day earlier, trust me, it's gonna be worth it.
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Planning Out Your Day the Night Before
Today I'm going to be talking about boundaries.
The Language of Letting Go
One of the things that comes up for actors quite often is setting boundaries with the representation, with a director of a play or a student film or a feature film, or even, what happened to me on a commercial set, where I was almost physically abused.
So boundaries are something that is very valuable for us to know in our work as an actor, but also, of course, in our personal life.
“Sometimes life and people seem to push and push.Because we sometimes may have been so used to pain, we may tell ourselves that it doesn't hurt. Because we are so used to people controlling and manipulating us, we may tell ourselves that there is something wrong with us.”
So the first part of that is something that I used to do is go “it's just me, so it doesn't matter.”
The second part is, we may tell ourselves that there is something wrong with us.
Now, the word shame, and this is not really a subject that I talk about too much, because if you have shame issues, that is truly something that I need to work on with you in a private one on one session.
Because it is such an emotional issue, but shame is believing that there is something defective about you.
So a lot of times when we're not setting boundaries, people always just take advantage of me. There must be something wrong with me.
But when I'm doing that, I'm putting myself in that catabolic energy of victim.
When I put myself in the catabolic energy of victim, oof, I'm in trouble.
I need to move into the anabolic energy of responsibility.
And that is definitely what setting boundaries is all about.
Now, how can we tell if we are being controlled and manipulated? So one of the things I talk about is taking a step back.
And if you put your hand on your face, what you'll notice is that when you look at your hand, you can't really see it. But when you remove it about six to eight inches, you've taken a step back from it, you can, and when that happens, you are in a place to observe.
But when somebody you feel like you're being manipulated, it's that hand just magically finds its way onto your face.
But again, you do have the power to take a step back and observe and ask yourself if this is healthy for you.
Another thing that I find very helpful is when I'm feeling someone may be manipulating me. I just listen, force myself not to say anything, but just listen and allow myself to take the opportunity to really hear what it is they are asking of me.
The other thing that I find very helpful is to never answer yes right away.
Say that sounds like a very interesting opportunity, let me get back to you. Let me think about it and let me get back to you tomorrow and then really get back to them tomorrow.
So that again, you're giving yourself that space to take a step back and observe to see if what they're asking you to do is, are you being manipulated, or is this potentially a really great opportunity for you?
In family situations, little thing that I find to be very helpful, and it's taking your power back in a very particular way, is that, again, I spend more time listening and less time talking.
And one of the ways I've trained myself to do that in very specific situations is I only speak when I am spoken to.
So that again, I can stay with me, not abandon myself, not give my power away in any way, but really observe what everybody is saying and doing.
So I can decide what I want to be a part of and what I do not.
This allows for a period of observation, a period of observation in the relationship you are in question about, or in the relationships you are in question about.
There is nothing wrong with us. We are not defective. But life pushes and hurts sometimes to get our attention. Sometimes the pain and the pushing are pointing us towards a lesson that we need to learn to welcome more good, more abundance and a better chance for success to happen to us.
One of the things that I always say is that I think that we are always being taught lessons.
Again, that quieter period of observation is so important so that we can observe what is going on in ourselves and asking the universe and asking ourselves, what is the lesson that I need to be learning here?
See, all of a sudden, when you're doing these things that I'm talking about now, you are taking yourself out of the victim role and putting yourself into taking real responsibility for your life.
Because sometimes the lesson may be that we've become too controlling.
Take a step back. What are the words that I am saying? What is my motivation in the relationship?
And I just gave you a great journal exercise right there. Why am I saying the words that I am saying? And what is my motivation in the relationship?
Because a lot of the time what I have found is that I am really being pushed to stick by me so that when I [ set a boundary, I don't abandon myself and also to take care of myself on a deeper level.
A couple little phrases to remind you of, “taking care of ourselves pays enormous dividends.”
“Whatever I put before taking care of myself, I am going to lose.”
If something or somebody is pushing us to our limits, that is exactly what may be happening.
We may be pushed to our limits and we can be grateful that this experience is here to help us to explore this area of boundaries.
And I know you're like, Oh God, puke! That is not something I'm excited about learning about. If it's not, guess what? You need to learn it.
It's like ab work at the gym. It's like the most important thing you can do is get strong in your core.
The most important thing you can do is to set boundaries and stick by yourself when you do it.
Give yourself permission to set the limits that you want and need to set in your life and in your acting career.
Again, another really great empowering question and journal questions that I'm giving you in this podcast is “What are my needs?”
Write down, what are your needs? How can you get them met? Who can I, listen to this word, appropriately get them met by?
Don't go to the hardware store for lemons.
There are certain friends that I have that I can pour my heart out to. There's other friends that pouring my heart out to may not necessarily be in my best interest because they're not available to me in that sort of emotional and kind way.
Not that they aren't kind and not that they aren't wonderful, but they may be somebody great to go to if I'm having a business issue or having a mathematical issue. They may be the better friends for that.
A lack of boundaries invites a lack of respect.
There's another phrase that says you get what you tolerate.
Be careful in setting boundaries. Write them out. Pause, think, pray, talk it over with someone else if you need to.
One of the most valuable things I learned about boundary setting is you tell someone what you need, and leave the word you out.
You tell someone how you feel and what you need, but you leave the word you out.
“I feel frustrated when a call is set up and there is no answer. I need for us to stick to our appointments.”
That would be setting a boundary where I'm keeping it on me.
It's about my frustration and what I need.
Not saying, “I feel frustrated when I call you and you're not there. I need for you to be there when I want you to be.”
You get it? Because that second example puts someone on the defense.
Think about that. Think about all the ways that you can take care of yourself and stick by yourself when setting boundaries in your personal life and also in your acting career.
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Voiceover classes
Today, I'm going to be talking about letting go of the fantasy and moving into reality.
And this was something that I worked on with a client.
It's not going to be a long podcast, but we were going over this reading and it just, it just hit me on a different level. And I really wanted to share it with you again.
This comes out of The Language of Letting Go
And this reading is about taking care of ourselves, but I think you're going to see how I'm talking about it in terms of letting go of the fantasy and really taking the reins of reality.
“We do not have to wait for others to come to our aid. We are not victims. We are not helpless.”
And one of the things I talk about in my coaching is these two energy levels. There's catabolic energy, which is negative, destructive energy. And then there's anabolic energy, which is healing, growing, constructive energy, with a very strong energy of success.
Your chances and your potential for success when you are in anabolic energy is very strong. And of course, when you are in that catabolic thinking is very low.
When you are a victim, you are in that lowest form of catabolic energy.
And so what is important here Is again, making that transition from the fantasy that you can't do anything to the reality of yes, you can.
“Letting go of faulty thinking means we realize there are no nights on white horses, no magical grandmothers in the sky watching, waiting to rescue us. Teachers may come our way, but they will not rescue. They will teach. People who care will come, but they will not rescue. They will care. Help will come, but help is not rescuing We are our own rescuers.”
And the thing that I find about fear, and the thing that I find about anxiety, and not knowing what to do next, all has to do with this one thing of me trying to control outcomes instead of trying to manage and handle the real work that I need to do, the reality, which is to do the work on myself and to take care of myself, my attitudes, my thoughts, and my actions.
My trying to control outcomes is a fantasy.
My trying to manage, take care of myself, handle my thoughts, my actions, my attitudes, and myself. That is reality, and that's where the power is, and that's where the potential for success lives.
“Our relationships will improve dramatically when we stop rescuing others. And stop expecting them to rescue us.”
And also, our power begins when we put it rightly on where we can actually do something. Not with trying to control outcomes, but managing and taking care and handling ourselves. Again, that would be ourselves, our attitudes, our thoughts, and our actions.
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Free Month of my Weekly Coaching Group
So today I'm gonna talk about that green emotion called jealousy. Oh, we've all had it, we've all experienced it, and we've all been the subject of it. But with actors, it can get so tricky.
I wanted to do a podcast, really putting this emotion into perspective.
“A flower never thinks of competing with the flower next to it, it just blooms.”
Buddha said, “Do not envy others. He who envies others does not obtain peace of mind.”
“Winners focus on winning, losers focus on winners.”
I think my own personal journey with jealousy.
If I am having jealousy over someone else, it's because I am not keeping the focus on myself.
Keep the focus on yourself. Keep the focus on yourself.
Whatever I put before taking care of myself, I am going to lose.
Also, whatever you put before taking care of yourself, you are going to lose.
Winners focus on winning, losers focus on winners.
And I think it's so important to understand we have one journey in this life.
Just one. And it's the one you're on.
Let's make it the damn best one we possibly can.
Amy Cuddy says, “Focus less on the impression you're making on others and more on the impression you're making on yourself.”
The greatest thing about getting older is really starting to understand that the person who I most want to be impressing, the person that I most want to be challenging, the person who I most want to show that I can do it, is me.
That also helps so much with anxiety. It also helps so much with me wanting to be on my team.
Because you know what? My team is fucking great.
So many years I abandoned myself looking to be on somebody else's team.
Wanting to be with the quote unquote popular kids in the second grade.
What a waste of time.
I want to be with my people. Meaning me. Meaning me, myself, and I.
Someone else's success does not rob you of anything. That's the Truth.
In fact, I have found that when I support people in their success, they're more than happy to help me and support me in achieving my own success.
The other thing is that when I focus on another person or another person's success and why they have it and I don't have it, the only thing I'm doing is weakening me.
And I'm sick and tired of weakening me.
I want to be working for myself, not against myself.
And jealousy is an emotion where we work against ourselves.
When you indulge in the emotion of jealousy, you are letting yourself off the hook for taking responsibility for what you need to do to take care of yourself and advance your goals, your acting career.
Jealousy is really a completely useless emotion and it is a catabolic energy.
Meaning it is a self defeating energy.
And when you're in catabolic energy, you have a very low chance of success.
I want a high chance for success. I want to live in anabolic energy.
When you find yourself being jealous, you need to reframe it.
Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at change.
When you find yourself being jealous, you need to reframe it and pivot the energy from working against you to working for you, from being catabolic to being anabolic, which is healing, growing energy with a high chance for success.
Ask yourself these questions: by this person having success, what are they really taking from me? The answer is nothing. They are just living their life.
And instead of focusing and putting energy towards what this person has, ask yourself, “where do I need to put energy and effort so I can create the life and career that I wanna create for my life?”
Two very important questions.
The first one being, by this person having the success, what are they taking from me?
Nothing.
And instead of focusing and putting energy towards what this person has, where do I need to put my energy and effort so that I can create the life and career that I want to create?
Again, keep the focus on yourself. Keep the focus on yourself.
How can I take care of myself in this moment? Create a plan. Organize yourself. Take an action to put yourself closer to where you want to be in your life.
Do a vision board. Do a gratitude list. Get yourself out of the catabolic energy of jealousy and get yourself into the anabolic energy of taking responsibility for your life.
Jealousy is all about putting energy in the wrong place. That's all it is.
Energy that is being put in the wrong place. So how about putting all that energy on taking care of you and your life?
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Free Month of The Weekly Adjustment
I'm going to be talking about a real coaching tool called getting a buy in.
And that buy in is about really getting a buy in from yourself, something that you need in order to commit to yourself and motivate yourself.
So I'm going to be giving you some strategies to achieve buy-in from yourself and then tell you why I'm teaching this very valuable lesson.
The first thing when you're trying to get a buy-in from yourself, you're trying to get yourself motivated, you're trying to get yourself committed to this thing of becoming an actor, is you want to clarify your visions and your goal.
What that means is that you want to define clear objectives.
Meaning, and if you've ever done any method acting, you want to find out, what do you want?
What does that character want, but what do you want?
You want to ensure that you have a clear understanding of what you want to achieve, and this is the biggie, and why it matters.
Why it matters.
Jen Sincero talks a lot about doing something because your life depends on it.
But this is the thing, as she says, Your life does depend on it.
This is what you want. Let's get clear on it.
I also encourage you, after you have written down what your vision and your goals are, or your goal is that I want you to visualize that success.
Even if you just write it down in a paragraph form, you're already a step closer to what you want to buy into.
Picture what success looks like, and this is the biggie, and how it will feel.
How it will feel. How will it feel when you achieve that award? How will it feel when you get what you want?
Visualize what that would look like.
The second thing I want you to do is I want you to assess the benefits, but also the challenges.
I want you to list your benefits and all of this you can do by just writing down.
You can listen to this podcast all the way through.
Then you can pause and then listen. Listen to it again, but this time with pen and paper and pause when you want to write stuff down. Assess the benefits and the challenges.
So you're going to list the benefits. Write down the positive outcomes that you expect if you buy in, if you say, “Hey, I am 1000 percent into this pursuit of becoming an actor,” what would the positive outcomes be?
And then I want you to identify the potential challenges. And that means you're acknowledging the obstacles and you're going to start considering how you're going to overcome them and where you may need to get help to overcome them.
The third thing is I want you to align with your values and your interests.
Now, what does that mean? Your values are what means a lot to you. Is it the arts? Is it self expression? One of my values is always showing myself I can do it.
It's not about showing other people, it’s for me. My biggest value is proving to myself that I can do it.
So you want to align your values and your interests. interests. So you want to take a moment to really reflect on your personal values, meaning you want to ensure that the goal that you want to be doing aligns with who you are and the interests you have.
So if I'm challenging myself as a coach which I actually did when I started this podcast 180 episodes ago. Actually, I think it might even be 190 by this point. I challenged myself to do something every week that I may or may not feel like I'm doing.
It was in the interest that I obviously have in coaching, but it also was the value of not proving to all of you that I could do it, but proving to myself that I could do it.
The other thing that you want to do around aligning your values and interests is finding personal value.
Connecting your goal to something that is personally meaningful to you.
I talk about how my trigger words a lot in my coaching and that weekly coaching group I was just telling you about.
And my old trigger words are weak, stupid, incapable.
So when I am aligning with my personal meaning, or I'm trying to find a personal meaning, that personal meaning will always be something that goes against those words. That practices contrary action to the words of weak, stupid, and incapable.
It makes me strong, smart, intelligent, and, as I always like to tell myself, I am the most capable person I know.
Number four, educate yourself. Educate yourself. Gather information, research, and learn more about the goal to build confidence. Now here I can help you.
If you are trying to figure out the business of becoming an actor, please let me know. Shoot me an email, [email protected] so that you can get in touch with me.
And we can talk about this because the business does not have to be complicated.
Also, and I love this, seek inspiration, look for case studies, success stories or mentors that have achieved similar goals.
Another thing that I think is really important is if you are a movie buff, watch favorite movies, watch movies that inspire you, performances that inspire you. Inspire you to become the best actor that you can be the best business person for your acting career that you can be.
And find those inspirational stories that I talk about in the core work to pick you up and help inspire you when you most don't feel like doing what needs to be done.
Number five, set achievable milestones, which means set achievable goals, mini goals. Break it down. I'm a big one on baby stepping.
Love the baby stepping and love the phrase anyone can eat an elephant one bite at a time.
So you want to break it down.
You want to divide the project into smaller manageable tasks. Because the fact of the matter is that if you don't know what the next step is, the next right step or the next manageable step or the next bite of the elephant is, you're probably not going to get it done.
Also, celebrate progress, recognize and reward yourself for completing the milestones.
Whenever I do a good workout, I really praise myself for the effort that I put into it.
That's so much better than beating yourself up.
Again, the core work and everything I talk about is about getting you to work for you instead of against you.
So number six is developing a support system. So important.
We need people who are trying to recover their selves, what they really were meant to be on this earth and really saying enough is enough of the fear and going for it.
You need other people like that in your life who encourage you instead of discourage you, because you want to be seeking encouragement.
You want to share your goals with supportive friends, or supportive family, or supportive colleagues.
Find whether someone is supportive for you or not. And that's in good times and in bad.
Also, find accountability. One of the things I do with Acting Business Boot Camp is we have a weekly accountability group.
What have you done the week before and what are you going to do the week going forth?
In those three pillars of a successful acting career, which are acting training, business steps, and accountability. And core work. So what did you do to become better at your craft this past week? And what did you, are you going to do this next coming week?
Number seven, reflect on past successes.
In episode 102 of this podcast, I talk about what is your strength story, and I share one of my own.
If you want to understand what really finding your strength story is all about, listen to that podcast episode, and we'll put a link in the show notes so you can just click on it.
It's one of my favorite episodes, and also you get a real good idea of where I was at how far I've come.
You want to recall achievements, reflect on past successes to build confidence in your ability to succeed again.
You also want to analyze strategies. You want to consider what strategies worked in the past.
What has worked for your acting career in the past and how can you apply them now.
Number eight, you want to create a positive mindset.
And that is why at the beginning of this podcast, I offered you that free month of coaching for the weekly adjustment, because that is It's all about creating a positive mindset.
We do talk about practicing self affirmations and using affirmations to boost your confidence.
I talk about how you can act your way into right thinking and think your way into right acting.
You also want to be learning, and we talk about this in that weekly class, about managing negative thoughts, address and reframe any self doubt, or negative thinking.
Number nine, oh boy, if you're a working actor, you know this one. Plan for flexibility. Be adaptable. Another one I love is to remain teachable.
Be prepared to adjust your plans as needed. Remember when you're about to go out to dinner and maybe a movie or a show with a friend and then that audition comes in?
Oh yeah, you gotta learn how to pivot.
Always stay open to learning. View challenges and opportunities to learn and grow.
It's not that bad things happen. It's that lessons come up for us to learn and grow. So that we can truly do what we are capable of doing and have the skills to do that when called upon.
Again, remember, remain teachable intellectually and emotionally.
And finally, our last action to get a buy in from ourself is to commit to action. Set a start date. Decide when you will begin and commit to it.
And I always love when I'm able to do it the moment I set the plan or the goal in motion.
Take that first step. Start with a small action. To bring about momentum, start with something small, a tiny sampling, a little bonbon of the elephant.
Now, this is the thing, by systematically going through each of these 10 steps in this very special podcast lesson, you really can cultivate a strong internal commitment to your goals and ensure sustained motivation and effort.
And if you need help with this, please, I beg of you, I am totally willing to help. Let me see how I can help you.
And I can do that. I can start to do that with you in that free month, an entire free month. That's four hours of coaching, four hours of coaching in the wonderful weekly adjustment class.
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Apply for the Terry Knickerbocker Studio’s Summer Intensive by June 7th and receive a special discount when you mention the podcast. Apply HERE
About Terry Knickerbocker:
Terry is a graduate of The Experimental Theatre Wing in the Drama Dept. at New York University. After graduating from NYU, Terry trained as an actor and a teacher with William Esper.
He taught at The William Esper Studio for 25 years, and continues as part of the core faculty at the Experimental Theatre Wing at NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts. He has also taught directing at Playwrights Horizons Theatre School and Yale University.
Other essential teacher/mentors include Maggie Flanigan, Rina Yerushalmi, Steve Wangh, Terry Hayden, Nikos Psacharopoulos, Jackie Brookes, Mary Overlie, Ryszard Cieslak, Jerzy Grotowski, Pierre Lefèvre, Moshe Feldenkrais, Dr. Louis Ormont, and Dr. Harry Fogarty.
He has coached actors on over 300 films, television and theater projects, both on and off-Broadway and regionally. He also consulted with playwrights and screenwriters on their scripts.
Some of the actors he has worked with and trained include Sam Rockwell, Chris Messina, Boyd Holbrook, Natasha Lyonne, Leslie Bibb, Emmy Rossum, Yul Vasquez, Jordana Spiro, Gillian Alexy, Gretchen Mol and many others.
A past recipient of the Drama League of New York’s directing award/fellowship for emerging directors, Terry is also a former member of Circle Rep’s LAB. His directing credits include many new works as well as contemporary and classical plays such as Measure for Measure, Tartuffe, The Normal Heart, Candida, All My Sons, and David Rabe’s In the Boom Boom Room.
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This week what I wanted to do was a breathing exercise for actors because I think in this incredible turbulent world that we live in, and yes, it's always turbulent, but it seems particularly turbulent right now.
It is so important that for us as artists, that before we are about to perform, that we get to the center of us.
As a little girl, I called it, go back to the source.
And I believe that is connecting to that part of us that is connected to the Universe.
So what I'm going to do I'm not going to breathe with you, but what I am going to do is guide you through breathing exercises.
So what I ask of you is to breathe in through your nose
and let out a big sigh, ah, and again, breathe in through your nose, and let out a big sigh,and that can be as loud as you want it to be.
Pause. Stay still. Breathe in through your nose.
And again, sigh out. You can even scream if you want. And pause.
And just allow your breath to be where it wants to be. Whether that's breathing in through your nose or your mouth.
As you do this, I can encourage you to do this for those of you who have subways on the subway, on the tube, or if you're on a bus, or you're riding in the back of a car, or you're at home, sitting on the couch, or maybe you're lying down.
And if possible, see if you can wear an eye mask or put a gentle scarf on your eyes, just to block out that little extra light.
As you breathe through this next set of breathing exercises, I want you to almost imagine your body expanding and contracting.
Your entire body expanding and contracting. Expanding and contracting. Expanding and contracting.
Exhale all of your breath.
And take a deep breath in.
Hold it. Two, three, four, five. Exhale.
Pause, two, three, four, inhale.
Hold, two, three, four, five, exhale.
Pause, two, three, four, inhale.
Hold, two, three, four, five, exhale.
Pause, 2, 3, 4. One more. Inhale.
Pause, 2, 3, 4, 5. Exhale.
Pause. 2, 3, 4. Good.
Now just allow yourself to breathe.
So what you notice there is we did an inhale and I had you hold for five, then an exhale, and then I had you hold for four.
I'm going to do one more set and this time we're going to go a little bit slower. Just allow yourself to breathe.
This will probably be an exercise that you'll listen to several times.
Each time if you can, really see if you can match your breath to my voice.
What that does is takes the control out of you and surrender it to something else.
You're not surrendering to me, you're surrendering to the Universe.
Exhale all of your breath, and inhale.
Hold, three, four, five. Exhale.
Pause, two, three, four. Inhale.
Hold 2, 3, 4, 5, exhale.
Pause 2, 3, 4, inhale.
Hold 2, 3, 4, 5, exhale.
Pause 2, 3, 4, 5, Inhale.
Hold, two, three, four, five. Exhale.
Pause, two, three, four, five. Inhale one more time.
Hold, two, three, four, five
Let it all out Haaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Rest. Just allow yourself to be okay. It's okay. It's safe.
You are secure
Love yourself in this moment It's okay to do that
Be in this moment. Just for this moment. It's okay. It's okay.
It's okay.
Now at this moment you can pause and just allow yourself to breathe and stay in stillness.
Or you can gently open your eyes, let them flutter, remove your maskyour scarf and feel your body.
Sometimes when I can't sleep, which doesn't happen all the time by any stretch of the imagination, but it does happen, I find this breathing exercise to be very helpful.
I hope it is helpful for you too, and I encourage you to practice it numerous times.
It only takes a few minutes.
And again, if you can. To the best of your ability, really see if you can listen to my voice and follow that.
Obviously, I don't want you to strain, but work up to it. You can do it. You can do it.
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Today, I'm going to do something to follow up from what I talked about last week, which was prayer and meditation for the actor.
I got a lot of emails about how many people enjoyed that podcast. So what I wanted to do today was focusing on centering, and centering for the actor. So this is going to be a little different.
I don't recommend that you do this while you are driving a car or maybe even walking down the street.
This would be a podcast episode that you want to be at home and in a comfortable place because I'm going to be going through different areas of your body and talk about centering them.
So if you will, I have taken off my shoes. I am standing here in front of my mic and you can do this, I guess actually if you wanted to do this on a subway, you could or just somewhere you don't have to pay attention for a bit.
Put yourself in a comfortable spot. That could be lying on the ground with your legs in the semi supine position, meaning they're bent at the knees and your feet are flat on the ground. Maybe put a book underneath your head or a small blanket and find a comfortable place for your arms, whether that be down by your side or stretched out.
And if you're seated, locate where your sit bones are.
And allow your spine to get real tall. Place your hands in your lap.
If you're standing as I am right now, feel the ground beneath your feet and just take a deep breath in through your nose.
Let it go.
I want you to think of a cloud.
A light blue cloud just above your head.
Imagine how puffy it is.
In this cloud, there is clear, light blue liquid.
And imagine an angel coming with an arrow and pricking the bottom of that beautiful blue cloud.
Slowly, gently, the liquid hits the top of your head
and slowly goes down your forehead, the back of your scalp, to your ears, down the back of your head, to your eyebrows, to your eyes, down your nose and your cheekbones.
Into your cheeks, top of your lips, down the sides of your face, your lower lip, your chin, slowly down the back of your neck, down the front of your neck, relaxing those throat muscles.
As it does, breathe, and allow your face to relax. To be completely submerged by this magical blue liquid as it pauses right at your clavicle, your collarbone.
Breathe and allow your face, the back of your head, your scalp, the hair on your head to completely relax and just be.
Allow the liquid to continue down your collarbones, into your shoulders, down your arms, your biceps and your triceps, into your elbows, down your forearms, into your wrists.
Take a deep breath here.
Into your thumbs and that fleshy part of your thumbs. Into your palms down the front of your fingers and starting to drip gently off your fingertips. While the blue liquid goes from your wrists and down the front of your hands into those front knuckles of your hands, into your fingers, down the front of your fingertips, and meeting The back of your fingertips and dripping off.
Now your head, your shoulders, your arms, and your hands, and your fingers are completely relaxed.
Place your attention now back to the clavicle, and allow the blue liquid to rush down into your chest, your breasts, your shoulder blades, down your spine, down and around your torso, off your breasts, into your abdomen through your solar plexus, down into your buttocks and into your groin.
It is now as if you are wearing a full bathing suit, and you are completely relaxed and centered in this moment. Just being here with your breath, and my voice, again, and again.
Imagine that blue liquid being in your head, in your shoulders, down your arms, in your hands, in your fingertips, down your chest, in your breasts, in your solar plexus, in your abdomen, down your back, through the shoulder blades, down your back of your torso, the sides of your torso, and don't forget to let go of any tension.
In your armpits, allow that blue bathing suit to just rest gently on your skin and allow that blue liquid to purify you and center you.
With your breath, I want you to concentrate on your groin area and I want you to think of your right leg.
Take a breath and allow that blue liquid to go from the right of your groin down your hamstring and your quadricep into your knee, relaxing it, nurturing it, loving it.
We hold so much tension in our legs. And for right now, for our purposes, we don't need to. It is safe for us to let go and to center.
From our right knee, we allow the blue liquid to go down into our shins and our calves and rest in our ankles, again, letting go and centering, feeling very grounded on our right side.
Down into our heel, into our foot, into our toes, and out the tops of them.
That can be the point of your toes, that can be the back of your toes, that can be where the little hairy part is of your toes. And yes, if you want to giggle, you can giggle.
Our right side is completely relaxed. And we are centered. As we direct our attention into our left hip. Into our left groin. Where again we allow that blue liquid to rush into our hamstrings and our quadriceps, and rest in our knee.
Allow it to be in that other knee.
Take a breath.
It is safe to let go.
From our knee we go into our calves and our shins, into our ankle. We pause there for yet another cleansing, centering breath.
We release that liquid from that ankle into our heel, into our foot, down our toes. And let it drip out of the point of our toes, or the back of our toes, or that sweet little hairy part of our toes. Wherever we wish.
We are completely relaxed. We are centered. We are ready.
We are paused, and we are poised.
I am with myself in this moment.
I will not abandon myself in this moment. I am here for myself in this moment. Universe, let me be a beacon of your light.
And one more.
And so it is.
I hope you enjoyed that. I hope you are more centered and if you feel yourself warm like I do, it's because energy has released.
You are truly centered. You are truly with yourself.
And you can always be this very special way.
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