Episodes
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Seems like all the Ashley Madison users got exactly what they wanted: to get screwed. Join Robert and Ira as they discuss ASHLEY MADISON: SEX, LIES & SCANDAL and share their top 5 cheating spouse movies. Listen for free through iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, iHeartRadio, or Google Podcast Music. So, if you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to be a website, that’s right a website and your name is Ashley Madison and you were created to help married men cheat on their wives and you became an Internet sensation as a shit load of married men signed up to have affairs, but then you were hacked and all the men’s names were released and it resulted in divorces and suicides, and one religious man with a really hot religious wife who were known for their YouTube posts of them singing karaoke songs in the car while driving with their kids in the backseat, well holy shit he got caught, and people asked if it was your fault, the hacker’s fault, or the married dude with the hot wife’s fault, and so if you want to know more, then this podcast is for you!
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We’re CON-vinced you’re gonna love this week’s episode. Join Robert and Ira as they discuss MATCHSTICK MEN and share their top 5 heartbreak movies. Listen for free through iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, iHeartRadio, or Google Podcast Music. So, if you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to be a con man with a con partner and you con people and you have all these fucked up habits like counting to three and turning the light switches on and off and stuttering and lots of facial tics and you find out you have a daughter you never really knew and she moves in with you and you see a shrink who gives you pills to help with your fucked up disorder, and your daughter goes on cons with you and your partner but a con goes bad when the mark realizes you switched suitcases and he chases you and your daughter and you find out she’s been in jail and you kick her out of the house and you’re out of pills and you go to the pharmacy and discover the pills are merely over-the-counter supplements and you yell at your shrink and you make up with your daughter and take her dancing, but now the mark shows up and is really pissed and your daughter shoots and kills him and you take the rap and get arrested and you’re in a hospital and your shrink shows up and you give him the password to your safe deposit box but you’re not really in a hospital and you’ve been set up and your partner fucked you over and you get out of there and you find out your daughter is not your daughter and you’ve been royally set up and a year later you’re selling carpet and your daughter who is not your daughter shows up, then this podcast is for you!
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Missing episodes?
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“You forgot the briefcase. YOU FORGOT THE BRIEF CASE!” Join Robert and Ira as they discuss FALLING DOWN and share their top 5 snapped characters. Listen for free through iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, iHeartRadio, or Google Podcast Music. So, if you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to be a middle-age dude with a buzz cut who’s stuck in downtown LA traffic on a hot day and you ditch your car and start walking and go to a pay phone but can’t make a phone call because you don’t have a quarter so you go to a convenience store for some change and when you’re told you have to buy something you go ballistic and ransack the place and then some gang members threaten you because you’re in their hood, and you become even more of a dick at a fast food restaurant and you walk through a golf course and harass the elderly golfers, and along the way you kill a Nazi and fire a rocket launcher and your wife has left you - do you wonder why? - and a police lieutenant who is on his last day of work shoots your sorry ass and you die, then this podcast is for you!
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Kinda unbelievable that a bunch of fake plastic people would award themselves for playing fake plastic people, but who can resist Ryan Gosling in bubble gum pink, anyway? I’M KEN! Join Robert and Ira along with special guest Eric Swelstad as they discuss THE OSCARS. Listen for free through iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, iHeartRadio, or Google Podcast Music. So, if you want to know everything about the Oscars, and we mean everything from winners, losers, snubs, speeches, song performances, relevance and ratings, and Jimmy’s wildly inappropriate political jabs, then this podcast is for you!
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This week’s movie has a lot in common with Robert’s farts: silent but deadly. Join Robert and Ira as they discuss SILENT NIGHT and share their top 5 non-verbal movie moments. Listen for free through iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, iHeartRadio, or Google Podcast Music. So, if you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to be a man whose young son is killed and you chase the gang members and get shot in the throat and your wife goes to see you in the hospital, but you can’t talk and your wife takes you home and you miss the little tot and keep seeing images of him and like right out of Rocky, you train by lifting weights and firing guns and learning karate, and you even modify your car and practice doing donuts, and you get one of the henchmen and tie him up and bring him to your home, and then a big ass fist fight in the kitchen and garage and you knock him out, tie him up, and dump him at the ringleader‘s doorstep, and you continue to see images of your son, a lot. Too much. Oh, and your wife leaves you ‘cause you’re kinda a moody dick to her. And then more fights and more images of your son’s face, this time it’s in a Christmas tree ornament, and you’re now in an over-the-top car chase and shoot out, and you finally make your way to the home of the head bad ass dude who’s in a lavish room with orbs and the fucker is dancing with a hottie with tats and there’s another big shoot out, but this time a detective is with you and wants to help, but it’s a bloodbath and not looking too good for you and the detective, then this podcast is for you!
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Funny enough, this podcast crash landed and never got off the ground, either… Join Robert and Ira as they discuss both FLIGHT OF THE PHOENIX movies and share their top 5 airplane movies. Listen for free through iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, iHeartRadio, or Google Podcast Music. So, if you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to be a stubborn pilot of a small airplane and you’ve got a motley group of passengers and there’s a sandstorm and you crash in some godforsaken desert with a busted radio, and you and your motley passengers have to deal with starvation, heat, thirst, enemies on camels, and each other, and one of the passengers is an aeronautical engineer and he says he can rebuild the plane, and so you and your motley passengers build a new aircraft from the wreckage, but then you find out this aeronautical engineer only designs toy planes and you and the motley passengers are royally pissed at him for not telling the whole truth, and the rebuilt plane is done and you get in the cockpit and fire off a few cylinders and the motley passengers strap themselves to the wing and up you go, then this podcast is for you!
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Robert and Ira… Dumb? Absolutely. Money? Not so much. Join Robert and Ira as they discuss DUMB MONEY and share their top greed movies. Listen for free through iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, iHeartRadio, or Google Podcast Music. So, if you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to be a schlub with no money and you follow an obscure stock and tell people on YouTube to buy it and it shoots higher and higher and your followers, including a nurse and a hot lesbian couple, are buying more and more and the head honcho CEOs are pissed because they wanted to do a short sell but now they’re royally fucked and losing a shit load of big bucks, we’re talking hundreds of millions of dollars, and the server shuts down and people are pissed and panicked because they want to sell and now the feds are called in and you’re heralded as a financial guru and you buy your brother a cool car so he can stop delivering food, then this podcast is for you!
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Most of the people who work on this show dream of a time when Robert and Ira are sent by themselves into deep space, never to return. Join Robert and Ira as they discuss SILENT RUNNING and share their top robot movies. Listen for free through iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, iHeartRadio, or Google Podcast Music. So, if you’ve ever murdered your crewmates to keep some Christmas trees alive, then this podcast is for you!
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Last time Ira and Robert tried to drive a bunch of explosives through the jungle in the middle of a monsoon, they blew it up. That’s it. That’s the intro. They just didn’t accidentally blew up the explosives, and they failed at their mission. Why does every intro have to be funny? Can’t some intros just be an accurate reflection of what happened? Sheesh. Join Robert and Ira as they discuss SORCERER and share their top hidden gem movies. Listen for free through iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, iHeartRadio, or Google Podcast Music. So, if you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to be a bad dude and a couple of really bad henchmen want you dead and you end up in a godforsaken village and you’re offered a job to transport a shit load of explosives to another town to put out a fire and they’ll give you a shit load of money and a passport and so you agree to do it and team up with three other nasty dudes and fix up a couple of wrecked trucks and off you go, and your truck barely makes it across a rickety bridge, and then you barely make it across another rickety bridge that’s falling apart in the rain, and some evil dudes rob you but you kill them, and some tree trunks block the road and you use the dynamite in the truck to explode the trunks, and the other truck blows a tire and swerves off the road and explodes, and you finally make it back to the bar and you ask an ugly woman to dance but the really bad henchmen who want you dead enter the bar, then this podcast is for you!
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So many jokes to make about the Anti-wave boys and sex trafficking… and yet, we’re just going to ignore them all. Join Robert and Ira as they discuss SOUND OF FREEDOM and share their top movie campaigns. Listen for free through iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, iHeartRadio, or Google Podcast Music. So, if you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to be a former government agent and you meet a father whose son and daughter were kidnapped and sold into child trafficking and you feel bad for the single dad so you go south of the border and help return the son, but that’s not good enough so once again, leaving your hot blonde wife at home, you go back out to get the daughter and you meet lots of mean dudes and you go to an island filled with kids that would make Jeffrey Epstein green with envy, but you don’t find the little girl and you go deeper into the Colombian jungle and you’re on a boat going down the river pretending you’re a doctor bringing medical supplies to the natives, and another boat takes you at gunpoint to their camp and the mean dudes are getting drunk while they sing and play the accordion and - voilà! – you spot the little girl and whisk her away, but the bad dudes come after you and with bullets whizzing all over the place you try to out run them, then this podcast is for you!
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You're gonna want to armor up for this episode. Join Robert and Ira as they discuss a double feature SICARIO and SICARIO: DAY OF THE SOLDADO and share their top hitman movies. Listen for free through iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, iHeartRadio, or Google Podcast Music. So, if you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to be a beautiful by-the-book FBI special agent assigned by the government to a task force to bring down the main leader of a Mexican drug cartel and you hate the unwarranted violence, and a police officer puts the make on you but he’s working for the cartel, and there are lots of bullets flying all over the place, and you discover the wife and daughter of one of your team members was killed by the cartel, and to get even he brutally kills the cartel’s wife and kids and then the cartel dude himself, and he forces you at gunpoint to sign a document that everything the task force did was kosher, and you have the opportunity to kill him, but you don’t… but wait, there’s more that happens and lucky for you you’re no longer involved when the dude who killed the cartel’s family now goes to Mexico to stir up trouble among two opposing cartels, and he kidnaps the daughter of a cartel kingpin but makes it appear it was done by the other cartel, and things get royally fucked up and the daughter wanders off in the desert and he goes after her and there’s more chaos and lots of bullets flying all over the place and good thing you’re not even in this part of the story, then this podcast is for you!
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Funny, Ira also had pictures of an oiled up Reg Park on his bedroom walls. He spent hours and hours fantasizing about him, too. But then, Ira was never elected governor of California, either. Join Robert and Ira as they discuss ARNOLD and share their top rags to riches movies. Listen for free through iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, iHeartRadio, or Google Podcast Music. So, if you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to be born on a farm in Austria and you were in fierce competition with your brother and you got into bodybuilding, came to America, and became a popular action movie star with a thick accent, and you groped lots of women and smoked lots of cigars and you married a Kennedy and your brother and dad died, and then your mom died from the same heart ailment you once had but you had heart surgery and got better and became governor of California and fucked your maid and had a son and didn’t tell your wife, then this podcast is for you!
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When Robert and Ira went to San Francisco to visit Alcatraz, all they came back with was a scorching case of herpes. Join Robert and Ira as they discuss THE ROCK and share their top ‘worse than you remember’ movies. Listen for free through iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, iHeartRadio, or Google Podcast Music. So, if you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to be an FBI agent who specializes in explosives and your girlfriend is pregnant and as you propose to her, you’re needed by the Government because an angry dude captured a bunch of tourists on Alcatraz and put them in prison cells and is demanding a shit load of money for the families of soldiers who died in covert missions, and he’s got missiles loaded with nasty shit that can wipe out San Francisco, and you go to a long-haired dude who is in jail because a covert mission backfired and he escaped from Alcatraz years ago and he helps you and your team break into the prison, but you get found out and the bad guy fires a missile but it goes off course and falls into the ocean and it was more of a bluff and he only wanted to threaten the Government to pay out big bucks, but then the bad dude’s henchman goes nuts and wants to destroy the city and you shove a green sphere of poison into his mouth and you fire the last missile into him and he gets blown to bits, and then you shove a long needle into your heart so the bio poison won’t kill you, and fighter planes are flying to Alcatraz to bomb the island and you hold up green flares which means to abort the bombing, and then you lie to your supervisors and tell them the guy who helped you out was killed so he can go free, then this podcast is for you!
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The closest Ira and Robert ever came to being stranded was when they got stranded in a McDonald’s drive-through. We just called it Lord of the Fries. Join Robert and Ira as they discuss both versions of LORD OF THE FLIES and share their top island movies. Listen for free through iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, iHeartRadio, or Google Podcast Music. So, if you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to be a school kid and you’re in a plane crash and you’re stranded on an island with your other classmates, and whoever has a conch is allowed to talk, and you help build a camp and with a fat kid’s glasses, you help make a fire and you hunt wild pigs and eat fish and make spears to hunt, but then you and the kids break into two groups and the other group with paint on their faces are violent and act like savages, and a storm destroys the camp and the savages put a pig’s head on a stick and kill a kid, and when the fat boy holds the conch and tries to talk sense to the two groups, the savage kids kill him and now they’re coming after you and you run and stumble and you look up at an adult soldier who asks, “Just what are you kids doing?” then this podcast is for you!
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Willem Dafoe is an art thief who gets trapped and can’t get out? Sounds like he’s really stuck between a Rothko and a hard place. Join Robert and Ira as they discuss INSIDE, and share their top tall building movies. Listen for free through iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, iHeartRadio, or Google Podcast Music. So, if you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to be an art thief who breaks into a luxury high-rise to steal some art and the security code is wonky and things get wacky including no running water and the thermostat is all fucked up and it gets real hot in there, and you cool off by shoving your face in the refrigerator and licking the sides of the icebox while forced to listen to the Macarena and your only friend is the cleaning lady who you watch on a video monitor, and it rains so you collect water to drink and you build a makeshift platform to chip away at the skylight and remove the bolts and you fall off the mountain of crap, and you trip out on hallucinations and set off the fire sprinkler and you’re drenched and now skin and bones, then this podcast is for you!
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This episode has got more slaps than a bottle of ketchup at an all-night diner! Join Robert and Ira, along with their special guest film professor Eric Swelstad, as they discuss THE OSCARS and CHRIS ROCK: SELECTIVE OUTRAGE, and share their top slap movies. Listen for free through iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, iHeartRadio, or Google Podcast Music. So, if you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to be a famous comedian who gets slapped at the Academy Awards, and one year later you decide it’s time to present your comedy special where you talk about our need for attention and being a victim and the Kardashians and you finally talk about the joke you said last year and how Will Smith thought it was funny but when he looked at his wife, he snapped and stormed on stage and slapped the shit out of you, and you blame Will’s wife for the brouhaha because she’s a thug and had sex with her son’s friend and Will had to be all macho and shit, and now one year later you’re finally lashing back, then this podcast is for you!
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Did you know that the bear in this week’s movie was once owned by Tom Sizemore? The crew didn’t even have to provide drugs for the animal. It was method acting. Join Robert and Ira as they discuss COCAINE BEAR and share their top five … surprise movies. Listen for free through iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, iHeartRadio, or Google Podcast Music. So, if you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to be a big-ass bear living in the woods and a shit load of cocaine falls from the sky and you eat it and get fucking cray-cray and kill people, and you attack a cute hiker in shorts and white socks and rip her apart and eat her, and you terrorize a girl and boy, and then you attack and devour a couple of forest rangers, and while the girl’s mother searches for her daughter, you go after the drug smugglers who are there to find the missing bags of cocaine, and everyone thinks you’re dead but you’ve only collapsed on this dude and your vagina is in his face - that’s right, you’re a female bear - and you climb a tree going after the boy but then you rush to the other tree because the dude has cocaine and you bite off some of his fingers, and you have little baby cubs who are also wasted but cute and there’s a big standoff at a waterfall at night with the fucked up bear, the mother and her daughter and the boy and the stoned cubs, then this podcast is for you!
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We couldn’t have a change of body, so we settled for a change of scenery in this episode. Join Robert and Ira as they discuss SECONDS and share their top ‘body change’ movies. Listen for free through iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, iHeartRadio, or Google Podcast Music. So, if you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to be a middle-age banker with a wife and daughter and your life is mundane and without passion, and you get a phone call from an old friend who tells you to go to a laundry and the man there sends you to a meatpacking factory and you go into a room where a man explains how you will have a new appearance and a new life and your old self will die in a hotel fire while he eats chicken and then blackmails you, and this other old dude convinces you to sign, so you have the surgery and you are now a young hunk of a man and you become an artist and you move into a cool house in Malibu and your butler wants you to meet your neighbors and you hook up with a sexy woman who takes you to a weird-ass hippie party with lots of grapes and wine and you host a party and get drunk off your ass and nearly blow your cover, and you visit the woman who was your wife and you want to go back to the way you were and you meet the guy who got you into this big mess and things really spiral and become a major cluster fuck, then this podcast is for you!
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Better bring a ladder to this episode, because we’re reaching new heights! Join Robert and Ira as they discuss APOLLO 10 1/2: A SPACE AGE CHILDHOOD and share their top kids’ POV movies. Listen for free through iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, iHeartRadio, or Google Podcast Music. So, if you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to be a kid growing up in Houston in the late ‘60s and your dad has a not very interesting job at NASA, and you’re told by NASA officials the space capsule they built is too small to hold an adult astronaut, so they need you to ride it to the moon and it’s a covert operation so you can’t tell anyone, and you also reflect on what it was like growing up at that time and reminisce about sneaking into drive-ins with your family and playing with fireworks and riding in the back of trucks and all the TV shows including The Monkees and Janis Joplin on Dick Cavett, and so you went to the moon but you can’t tell your family, and finally it’s the big day of the Apollo 11 launch and you’re glued to the TV with your family watching Walter Cronkite, but of course you’ve already been there done that, and on the other big day when the astronauts set foot on the moon, instead of watching TV, you’re at an amusement park with your siblings riding a really cool ride on tracks in a fake mountain, then this podcast is for you!
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Everyone warned us that this movie only takes place in one location. But when they said Brendan Fraser sits around the house, they really meant he sits around the house! Join Robert and Ira as they discuss THE WHALE and share their top fat movies. Listen for free through iTunes, Stitcher, Spotify, iHeartRadio, or Google Podcast Music. So, if you’ve ever wondered what it would be like to be mega huge and morbidly enormous - I mean, we’re talking a gigantic slob of a man with rolls of fat - and you’re a writing teacher and you’re gay, and you left your wife to fuck a male student who died, and your daughter and ex-wife are uber-pissed, and your caregiver, who is also your best friend and your only friend, watches as you shove hunks of chicken and pizza into your mouth, and you Zoom with your writing students and tell them to be honest when they write but your camera is turned off, and your daughter shows up and she’s an angry bitch and she wants you to pay her to visit you and write her school essays, and a religious dude drops by who tries to get you to embrace God, and then your ex-wife shows up and she’s a piece of work, and you tell your bitchy and manipulative daughter to write anything as long as it’s honest and when you Zoom with your students you turn your camera on and show them your disgustingly fat body, and your daughter forces you to stand up and walk toward her and you die, then this podcast is for you!
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