Episodes
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Welcome to the season finale! Creation is over and it's all down hill from here. We find out that Abraham wasn't the best dad. At least until he gets his son laid! That's the best way to make up for the whole sacrifice thing.
Thank you for listening! Hopefully you learned something, even if it was how much of dumbasses we are. We'll be back soon, eventually, sometime.
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You think you have it hard? You think you have bad neighbors? You think you have family problems?
Well, I'm Lot. A mild mannered sodomite that never bothered anyone. And I was a proud sodomite. I sought to unite sodomites in love and acceptance! To reject all the awful crap God told us to do to people. That's what us sodomites are known for. Radical love and acceptance of all. Until a couple angels from the Lord show up and everything went to hell.
First my town suddenly developed a sex fueled rage aimed directly at my house, then my wife ghosted me! Next thing you know I'm kicked out with my two daughters. It's not easy being a single father of two. So sure, I drink some times. But I drink to cope.
And, yes, I black out on occasion but I never let it get out of hand. And thankfully my daughters are old enough to take care of themselves and don't need me to always be the sober strong one. They're good girls after all. Maybe a little weird since their mom left and God killed everyone they knew including their boyfriends. But who wouldn't be messed up from that?
I can't wait to one day read the scriptures myself and see my daughters memorialized as the pure angels they are. And hopefully they never take revenge on me for offering to throw them to a mob of rapists.
As for me, I want this simple adage written on my tombstone to help others with their own grief: "Lot's had lots of loss in his life but learned leaning on laughter leads to loving living."Send us a text
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Missing episodes?
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Sorry, in a rush this week. You'll have to make up your own funny quips and pretend they're in this description.
On this week's episode:
- Tower of Babel
- We meet Abram/Abraham
- A big piece of evidence that Moses didn't write Genesis.
- The War of the Nine Kings
- And we read an email from friend of the show, Dwight
For the flood story with the sources highlighted, check out this page: https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.com/resources/bible-historySend us a text
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Have you given YOUR firstlings to the Lord? If you don't, your brother might and then where will you be? No regard from the Lord. How are you going to make it in this world without the Lord's regard? You'll end up stripping at Jezaballs for Chucky Cheese tokens!
And we let the flood pour over us. Turns out there are two completely different flood stories in the bible and most people don't realize it. Speaking of which, you should check out this video for more Flood Facts (trademark).
"The Pre-Biblical Origins of Noah's Flood" by ReligionForBreakfast
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qw13SadIPOs
For the flood story with the sources highlighted, check out this page: https://www.biblestoriesforatheists.com/resources/bible-historySend us a text
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In the beginning, we'll lay out the building blocks of our 6000 year old universe. And explain that hard, blue shell up there that gets dark at night when you can see the holes in it, or what "NASA" calls "stars".
And we talk about the first people. The lab rats in this odd experiment gone horribly infallible. Turns out not knowing right and wrong leads to sinning. Now that we know that, we must permanently punish the lab rats and their descendants forever. That's science.
Eve made his pull out game weak and here we are. And Linz just texted me that food is done so this description is too.Send us a text
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New 5 episode series coming every Sunday starting August 4th. We'll be covering the first half of Genesis. Insert witty jokes here. Too much crap to do today to do it myself.
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Hey folks! For our episode today we're changing things up. We're going to be switching to a more "seasonal" model. The plan is we'll get a few episodes lined up around a theme and put them out weekly. So that's the plan, but you should still listen to the episode because we're really funny when we explain it. Like funnier than I was when I just explained it, which wasn't really funny at all.
Also, we got a great message from a listener named Patience!
"You're beautiful." - James BluntSend us a text
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This is a special episode with two special guests. Ministers Bendr Bones and Luis Cypher, co-heads of the Satanic Temple - West Michigan.
Recently, they made news by having the AUDACITY to deliver the opening invocation at an Ottawa County board meeting. And when the Ottawa County board were forced to allow the invocation local Christians lost their damn minds.
Invocation Video:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A7kkBj0mnVM
Overflow Room Video:
https://twitter.com/leftofcentermi/status/1782911971936870781
https://thesatanictemple.com/
https://www.facebook.com/WestMichiganTST/
https://twitter.com/SatanicMichiganSend us a text
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We read a selection of Psalms suggested by AI to figure out if this ancient book of songs holds up to the hype.
It doesn't.
Despite Josh's warnings that we might find the material repetitive and dull, we plunge ahead with open minds, only to discover that the Psalms are boring as Pshit.
I don't have anything more to say about it. Why don't YOU have something to say about it?! Huh!?Send us a text
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The kingdom of Israel splits into two separate nations after the death of King Solomon. His son Rehoboam ascends to the throne and when the people ask him to not be a dick like his dad. But his friends goad him into doubling down on his dickishness. He should have listened to Nancy Reagan and just said no to peer pressure!
So Jeroboam comes back from Egypt to take control of the northern kingdom of Israel while Rehoboam maintains control of the southern kingdom of Judah (oh yeah, and Benjamin).And Jeroboam decides to make some golden calves. Why would he do that? Didn't he know golden calves are bad? Does he not read his scriptures? Or is there something else going on here? Why do birds suddenly appear every time you are near? Is that like a medical condition? Are you giving off avian pheromones or something? You should get that checked out.
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Send us a text
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David FINALLY kicks the bucket, but before he does, the good, upright King David, who loved and obeyed God unlike any other king, gives his son a kill list. And boy does Solomon tick off those boxes with gusto.
It's a bloody start to the peaceful reign of Solomon. Solomon who had to be the one to build the temple because of all the bloodshed by his father. Weird...
God grants Solomon a wish and Solomon asks for wisdom and immediately regrets not wishing for more wishes.
Solomon is then so wise that he starts handling parental custody disputes. But is he actually wise or is he insane?
"Jesus is a biscuit. Let him sop you up." - Latrice RoyaleSend us a text
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âWas the Gospel of John Changed to Suppress Mary Magdalene?â by ReligionForBreakfast â https://youtu.be/rfy6oiB_U-A
Crucifying Tony Stark â https://youtu.be/V9_AeLmuRKc?t=120
Turns out Jesus wants us to #TaxTheRich! At least thatâs what he tells some Phariseeâs who try to trap him by asking one question and giving up.
Also, Jesus is asked important questions such as if a woman clearly kills 7 brothers, all of whom she married, which one will she be married to at the resurrection.
Resurrection? As in when we die we donât actually go to heaven? Wtf? Did Jesus say that we donât go to heaven?
Jesus brings down the vibe by reminding everyone that the temple is going to be destroyed. But he seems to get it confused with the end times.
We finally discuss the story of Lazarus, the real one, the one that ACTUALLY gets resurrected. And we dig into the confusion around was Mary and Martha there or just Mary?
Thereâs a cinematic version of jewish leaders plotting to kill Jesus. And we circle back to the Palm Sunday to actually explain where the palm trees come from.
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We kick off 1 Kings by only talking about the first chapter. We've heard the Chronicles' version of Solomon becoming king but now we'll learn the King's version which is very different.
The Succession drama is real as David gets sickly and curls up with a pretty young virgin. His oldest son for some reason thinks he's going to be the next king and tries to gather support by throwing a feast. Meanwhile, Solomon's mom convinces David to make Solomon king.
And we hear from some Christian pastors on what these ancient government documents mean to your personal life choices today.
Hope you enjoyed your VD!Send us a text
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Oh boy! Is this a great episode if you love vague quantities of precious metals and stones. And the names! Oh the names of it all!
We're blowing through the ingredients for a temple and plowing right into Solomon skipping the line to be king and David dying. All completely without incident. At least according to the book of Chronicles.
Oh yeah! And the bible talks about aliens! We're pretty sure an ET cult has to exist because of this verse.
Sorry, I feel like I just keep talking about me. How are you doing?Send us a text
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We dig elbow deep into a steaming pile of contradictions, curiosities, and constipated commentary. The unerring bible seems to glitch out on us. The all knowing, all powerful author had an apparent brain fart.
2 Samuel 24 and 1 Chronicles 21 tell the same story but with some pretty significant differences. Like for example, if the bible is in fact perfect, we are left with the only obvious conclusion that God and Satan are the same person. I mean, we never do see them in the same place at the same time. And if God just took off His glasses He sure would look a lot like Satan. Also, He would be beautiful and Zack would definitely win the bet with his friends when he takes God to prom.
And we get into the stuff Christian authorities make up to explain it away. So that's a hoot.
Anyone else notice how Xmas just comes way too early in the winter? It's supposed to be the high point but lately it's before we even get our first snow (thanks global warming!). And then it's over and we get dumped on and there's nothing to look forward to for like 3 months! I say we move Xmas to March. So when you're freezing your Marys' and Josephs' off through January and February you have Xmas in March to look forward to. God's perfect plan, my ass!Send us a text
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Fresh off overthrowing his son fresh off overthrowing him, David deals with a dick dividing his domain to dogshit.
- Sheba gets the northern kingdom to split from David, but of course that doesn't last long.
- David incredibly has a need to kill even more descendants of Saul.
- MOAR GIANTS!!1!
- And some politically charged poetry
Hearts and kisses, my dear. Hearts. And kisses.Send us a text
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Happy holidays all you war on CHRISTmas warriors!
We're kicking back and watching that time honored 2017 classic Christmas movie, The Case for Christ. Based on the book of the same name, this follows former "journalist" Lee Strobel as he proves that the path to Christianity is paved with stupid questions.
Oh yes, it makes complete sense when you set out on a quest to disprove Christianity to only focus on one part of the claim. Ignore the Old Testament. Ignore the inconsistent theology. Yes. That's how good of a reporter he is.
Anyway, my mom, Jill, joins us and we had a lot of fun recording this.
Hope you all are doing well and having a good time over the holidays! Yo Saturnalia!Send us a text
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We continue our series on Acts starting with a story about a Sorcerer named Simon.
A guy named Philip meets an unnamed Ethiopian eunuch who is really into a prophesy that Philip completely gets wrong. Also it turns out Christians can teleport.
We have a real Saul on the road to Damascus moment, when we talk about Saul on the road to Damascus.
We talk about the most important woman to never get any attention in bible.
And Herod dies at the end in a really crazy way.
Sorry, just kinda throwing this summary together this week.
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We kick off our series on the book of Acts and start with yet another telling of the ascension of Jesus. Slightly different from Luke but very different from the other gospels.
Judas gets replaced.
The Holy Spirit comes on everyone at the Pentecost! Lapping up their loins with tongues of fire.
And the early church starts getting persecuted simply for yelling at everyone that they killed Jesus.
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